The Troop (2009) s01e13 Episode Script

Alejandro Hey, Garcia.
Check out my new bully app.
Says here you either
owe me five dollars
or an atomic swirlly.
What's a 'bully app'?
[whack]
It's really an amazing
world of the future.
Do you have change for a twenty?
No change.
Because you don't have it
or you don't know how
to subtract five from 20?
[chuckles]
[laugh turns to gasps]
I don't know
what you just said,
but I think you insulted me.
So now, you're going to get
seven fingers of revenge.
Oh!
Hayley, thanks but back off.
If I need your help
I'll ask for it.
Wanna dance?
Let's dance.
Ah! Need your help!
Need your help!
Lay off, Alejandro.
You get to keep Felix's money,
he gets to keep his fingers.
Everyone's happy.
[school bell rings]
I don't mean to
contradict you, Hayley,
but I'm not that happy.
Twentyplus what I got
from the kid with the braces
[insects buzz]
[smack!]
[loud buzzing]
No!
Nooo!
Arghhh!
Hayley Mr. Stockley?
I thought you said
you were taking a couple
of personal days.
I'm almost out the door.
Quarterly Troop reports, filed.
TroopGrid updates, done.
One hundred college
recommendations given to me
two days before they're due
by a bunch of kids
who aren't very nice to me.
Oops!
Looks like somebody's
going to trade school.
Mr. Stockley, please
tell me you are going
somewhere relaxing.
Oh, yes.
I'm going to a place
called 'Placid Waters'.
They specialize in the
renewal of stressed souls.
By this time tomorrow,
I will be massaged,
mani'd, pedi'd and fireworked.
I will be as tender
as a piece of Kobe beef
which I hear is excellent there.
I got it.
So, only call me if it is
a verified, MonsterCon One,
civilization-threatening,
world-ending emergency.
And if I don't pick up,
leave a message.
[splat]
Next!
Come on, Pimples.
I don't have all day.
No Neck's waiting and
The Beak's got a cold.
[snarl]
My mom says if I don't
finish doing my choirs,
she's going to pull me
out of Mime Club.
My mom would never
pull me out of Mime Club.
She thinks it's the most
normal thing I do.
What was I suppose to do?
Tell her I didn't clean my room
because I pulled an all-nighter
hunting a Five-Winged Astalix?
Look, why don't you just
wake up 20 minutes early,
three days a week?
That way you'll have
an extra hour.
Twenty minutes early?
Now you sound as
crazy as my mother.
Felix Hey, Jenny.
'Sup?
Aye.
That was cold.
What do you mean?
Hah, she's probably out of spit
or she's warming up to me.
Can I get a double
potatoes, please?
I don't know.
Can I have a nice car
and a Miss America crown?
[snarl]
[insect buzz]
[loud buzzing]
[screams]
Oh, forgot it's
apple pie day.
You're voluntarily
going back for more abuse?
It's pie.
Hey there, kido,
forget something?
Apple pie?
Well then,
have two slices.
Mmm
There we go.
What's in here?
Lunch Lady Just
apple pie and love.
Remember, the shortest distance
between two people is a smile.
Have a super day!
She definitely did
something to these.
Alejandro Hey, Garcia!
Felix Huh?
Got something for you?
This is all the money I took
from you since second grade,
plus interest.
Wow.
Oh, and
your 'Hello Bunny' lunch box.
That's not mine.
Come on, bring it in.
[Felix groans]
I'm so sorry I was a bully.
[sniffs]
By the way, your hair
smells fantastic.
Have a super day!
What was that about?
Alejandro just
gave money to Felix.
Something very weird
is going on.
Double pie.
Felix How did I not
miss this much money?
This is even more than my
parents put away for college.
Ahh!
Oh, Jenny, I am so sorry.
That's okay.
Come on back.
Come on.
Come on.
So, are you having a super day?
You have no idea.
[chuckles]
Aaah!
[door creaks open]
Welcome, to Placid Waters,
sanctuary for your soul.
I see you've brought
a lot of luggage.
Yes, my golf bag and bowling
ball are still in the car.
Now, are you the person
I talk to about a massage?
Cause I'm going to need
a little deep tissue work.
Excuse me.
We are not that type of retreat.
Oh ho ho!
But your brochure says
Brother Vern Ah, that
is last year's brochure.
We are no longer a luxury spa.
Many apologies.
Silent retreat?
Sorry for the
misunderstanding.
You mean, I can't
speak to anyone
and no one can talk to me?
For 48 hours?
We can refund your deposit.
It happens all the time
when people find out.
Are you kidding?
I work at a high school.
No talking is like heaven.
Excellent.
If you'll be staying with us,
then I'll take your
breakfast order.
Would you like barley
and water or mung paste?
Whatever you recommend.
I'll need all of your
communication devices.
Ah ha!
No problem.
I won't be needing
these anymore.
I can't tell you how much
I'm looking forward
to complete silence.
It really gives you a chance
to take in your surroundings
and free your mind.
Ha ha!
Whoo!
Shhh.
Oh.
[chuckles]
I'm right with you.
Tick a lock.
If you're happy and you
know it clap your hands
[clap chap]
If you're happy
and you know it
clap your hands
People are not
acting normal.
We need to call
Mr. Stockley to have
the MonsterCon level raised.
Jake There could be
some other explanation.
I mean, monsters tend to chew
your face off or something.
I haven't seen anything
supernatural at work.
Hayley Jake, look.
Jenny Hang on, Felix.
Here we go.
Chug chug chug
Don't fall off!
Chug chug chug
Time to call Mr. Stockley.
Ah, now?
Yeah.
Ahh! Why hasn't Mr. Stockley
gotten back to us yet?
Jake Well, if he's anything
like me at a nice hotel,
he's trying to figure out
which ones are the fancy soaps
and which ones are
the fancy chocolates.
Lunch Lady Fresh brownies!
Straight from the oven!
Courtesy of the Lakewood
School District.
Are you gettin' this?
Kids are just taking brownies
without pushing or shoving.
Something is very wrong.
Jake Now that you mention it,
it was weird I got an A
on my biology test.
Why is that weird?
'Cause it's a test
I tookin biology.
That is kind of freaky.
Have a super day!
[Hayley groans]
[school bell rings]
Now it's getting scary.
We've got to try him
on his watchcom.
Mr. Stockley.
Mr. Stockley, come in.
What's the emergency?
Jake The lunch lady's
passing out brownies!
The lunch lady's
passing out brownies?
Jake And Felix
has a girlfriend.
What?
Jake It's true, Mr. Stockley.
Did you just say
Felix has a girlfriend?
Hayley Mr. Stockley, you have
to raise the MonsterCon level.
So if you really think about
it, the quadratic equation
is one of the most beautiful
things in the universe.
Your eyes are beautiful.
Mmmm
I was getting
to my eyes next
Hayley Ah, Felix.
Ha ha!
Hayley, what are
you doing here?
Hayley Look, we need
to talk, like now.
Jenny Aw!
Felix Excuse me.
Hurry up, I miss you already!
Felix Oh, I miss you more!
Jenny I miss you more!
How could you do that?
I was this close to kissing her.
Felix, she's not kissing
you because she likes you.
She's kissing you
because she's a zombie.
So?
It's not just Jenny, okay.
Something is affecting
all of the students.
I see.
So you think the only way
a girl like Jenny could ever
like me is by some massive
hypnotic suggestion?
Yes.
Yeah, now that
I say it out loud,
it does make a lot of sense.
But how could you do
something like that?
Hayley I'm sorry, but
Jake Can we talk about
this somewhere else, please?
Oh no!
It's the Swarm!
Hayley It'sit's
coming this way!
Felix Their awesome power
is somehow magestic
even though I know that danger
lurks behind every
Run!
Let's get Jenny!
I'll take care of her,
if you don't mind.
[grunts]
Okay, do you mind
A little help, please.
Go help him.
Felix This isn't right.
She's not a guinea pig.
She might give us a clue
to those insects we saw.
A brain scan will help us figure
out what ravaging her mind
and potentially change her back.
Change her back?!
But do we need all this
scientific knowledge?
I mean, can't things be
mysterious and beautiful?
If you scan my heart,
all you'll find is Felix.
Eeep.
Jake Poor thing.
I told you we should
have sedated her.
I'm fine.
[gasp]
Her brain's melting.
I have my flaws too.
No one said relationships
were easy, Jake.
Okay, let's get her scanned.
[scanner buzzes]
Felix Seems normal to me.
Take her out.
Ah ah, wait.
There.
TroopGrid, identify.
Computer TroopGrid identify.
Result:
Insectoid, The Swarm.
The Swarm travels in massive
colonies of up to one billion.
It feeds on neurokinin-B,
a naturally occurring hormone
responsible for angst and anger
in humans, thus creating
a tranquil setting to thrive
and reproduce in its host.
So you're saying they become
passive, agreeable zombies.
How horrible.
We should do more research.
Jenny, we're going to
an action movie tonight
and you're paying for dinner.
Someplace nice.
Jenny Okay.
I'm on it.
Hayley TroopGrid,
locate the Swarm.
Computer Unable
to locate Swarm.
[sigh]
How are we suppose to kill
these things if we don't even
know where the hive is?
I know how.
Okay, how?
Felix You have to study
your enemy closely, what
they eat, what they drink,
how they kiss,
possibly get a picture
to prove you have
a girlfriend
I mean, a subject.
Fine!
The wings on every flying
creature vibrate on a set speed
which makes a unique
noise and frequency.
By using this TroopGrid
to hone in on that frequency,
I might be able to track down
the Swarm on its hive location.
[keyboard clicks]
Hayley That's it.
[computer beeps]
That's the hive.
Let's go!
Jenny Felix?
Hello?
Okay, then have a super day!
Why haven't these things
invaded our brains yet?
It must be that Vespinox
inoculation we took last month.
Felix It's good against 95
percent of insectoid monsters.
On the downside, mosquitoes
will find you delicious.
You'll find out this summer.
All right, stand back.
[fizzboom]
Jake So how does
this thing work?
We tell the Smart Rocket
what frequency to look for,
then it finds it.
In this case, the Swarm.
Then it blows it to smithereens.
Smart.
Felix Yeah.
It's programmed to
seek out this sound:
zzzzzz.
[rocket beeps]
Jake So you mean a zzzzz
No, no, no.
It's a little higher and more
vibration likeZZZZZ
Okay, I think I got it.
ZZZZZZ
Felix Almost there.
A little higherZZZZZZZZZZ.
Guys!
Stop making that noise.
What noise?
ZZZZZ!
Hayley, stop
making that noise!
[rocket buzzes over]
Uh, guys,
there's nothing here.
It's gone.
What happens when the rocket
doesn't find the Swarm?
It hones in on the
next closest frequency.
[plane buzzes]
Boy Thanks for
the plane, Dad.
This is the best birthday ever!
[rocket swooshes in]
[boom!]
I don't understand.
TroopGrid said it would be here.
How could a hive with
billions of bugs just disappear?
[insects buzz]
[insects buzz]
[buzzes]
[growls]
Stockley Look, I need to
This is very important.
[makes buzzing sounds]
[growl]
[phone dialing sound]
[dial tone sound]
[groans, grunts]
Aaah
Girl For me?
[giggles]
[students murmur]
According to TroopGrid,
the Swarm has appeared
and disappeared at
12 different points
in the city since yesterday.
How are we suppose to destroy
something we can't even find?
Well, maybe it's
okay if we don't.
The Swarm is a monster.
We fight monsters.
End of story.
Jake But, this monster
puts an end to bad grades
and choirs and bullies.
Maybe it's good for people.
Hayley What is that?
Apple pie!
It's so good.
They're all corroding.
Here, let me get your seat.
Girl Oh, thanks.
Girl Mmm, that's good.
[boy chuckles]
We have to stop this
before it goes any further.
I have a date
with Jenny tonight.
Do you think we can
stop it tomorrow?
[cell phone rings]
Either of you know
an Ethel Schwartzbaum?
Hello?
Hayley, it's Mr. Stockley.
I had to borrow a phone
all in the line of duty.
You were right.
There is a Hive monster
out here somewhere.
We know.
We just can't figure
out how to pin it down.
Look, I think I know how,
but I don't have a lot of time
so you've got to listen fast.
Stockley Psstpsst!
Hey.
I just thought of something
even better than meditating.
What's that?
Anything!
Shhh
Of course
you want us to shhh.
You don't want us to interrupt
your concentrating on how much
money you're stealing from us.
Oh, sure, sure.
You want us to shut up, that's
the only way we won't complain
about what a scam this is.
He's got us paying luxury prices
to sleep on the ground
and take cold showers while
up in the Masters Retreat,
he's got a walk-in sauna
and a fossball table.
Am I lying?
Mr. Stockley, silence!
Is that true, Zen Master?
Shut up and meditate,
Schwartzbaum!
Stockley Got us eating mung
bean paste while up on the hill,
pigs running for their lives.
Nasty, nasty.
Oh, here come big punisher.
Somebody about
to get a beat down.
[mingled angry voices]
Group We want our money back!
Mr. Stockley can get the
Hive here, but are you sure
we can take them out?
Of course he is.
I can answer for myself,
thank you.
Of course you can.
Shhh!
[buzzes]
It's working.
[buzzes]
Huh.
Maybe it didn't
[growls]
Now!
[blasts]
[crackling]
Whoa!
Awesome!
Jenny Felix, you're a genius!
Well, true
but it doesn't take a genius to
realize since the Hive monster
feeds on conflict, we had to
create our own and lure it out.
And now we have prevailed.
Uh, genius.
Hm?
If everything's back to
normal, then why does Jenny
still think you're a genius?
Well
[giggles]
[sizzles and crackles]
It's generating
so much heat,
it's melting the freeze.
Anybody have any great ideas?
Apple pie for everyone!
Jake Oh, for Pete's sake.
Felix Maybe if we can put
a contact vaporizer on it
before it thaws, we can get it.
I'm going in.
Hayley No, Felix!
It's too dangerous.
Don't do it, Feelsy!
I like that.
I'm going to call you Feelsy
for ever and ever!
[crackling]
Have a super day!
[beeps]
[boom!]
[thud]
Is everybody all right?
Is everyone okay?
Jenny What are you doing?
Aren't you that nerd guy
who spazzed out in gym?
I believe I fit
that description.
Gross!
I've been geeked!
Ew, ew ew ew!
I'm sorry, man.
Hey, it's okay.
I guess girls under the
influence of a Swarm Hive
monster are just not my type.
[chuckles turn to sobs]
He's fine.
Teacher What's going on here?
[shouts]
[clinking coins]
Boy Hey, put me down!
[groan]
[laughter]
Hayley Everything's back
to it's normal, dysfunctional
operating system.
[school bell rings]
I wonder if she remembers me.
Why don't you go find out?
Hey, Jenny.
Keep your stinky,
sweaty hands off me, Feelsy.
She remembers!