8 Simple Rules (2002) s01e14 Episode Script

1
Hey, Ker, I need a fav.
Oh, my God.
A cartoon of Principal Connelly?
"The Incredible Boring Woman."
Why not read personal stuff
over my shoulder?
OK. "Able to suck the life
out of any room." Dying.
It's private property.
Sorry.
Distract Dad while I get him
to sign this permission slip?
- It's super important.
- OK.
Hey Dad, do you notice
anything different about me?
Oh, please don't do this to me.
So you notice nothing different?
No, wait, give me a chance.
Your hair, it's, no, no
You've lost
You've gained, you No.
You've grown, uh The
- Please don't do this to me.
- Here, Daddy. Sign this.
- What is it?
- Nothing.
- I'm gonna be late.
- You were talking to me.
I don't sign things
without looking at them.
It wouldn't hurt to have
activities like your sister.
You wanna talk
about Bridget's activities?
- Hey!
- That's not nice.
Take Bridget's side.
I wasn't taking Bridget's side.
Let me see the paper.
- Girls, please!
- Excuse me. Important.
- I'm not important?
- No.
- Catfight!
- Shut up!
Freak show!
I'm getting vertigo.
Can I see it?
- Do you want me to be late?
- No, but let me
Half a mind
is a terrible thing to waste.
- Kerry, that's enough
- Thank you.
- Sorry, Daddy.
- But
Did I just sign something?
I did, didn't I?
Oh, Dad.
I don't understand. How could
Bridget have dropped Chemistry?
You gotta see these cartoons
Kerry drew, they're hilarious.
I'm on the phone
with the school.
If anybody's sick, I'm sorry,
but I can't pick 'em up,
I got a meeting.
Well believe me,
we'll clear this up. Thank you.
Paul, did you know
Bridget dropped
all her college prep classes
- for vocational arts?
- What?!
Does she think she can get
away with that?
Probably, since you signed
the permission slip.
No way. It's obviously a forgery.
No, they have your
signature on file,
ever since the girls' grandma
died three times in one semester.
Oh, you're gonna laugh
when you hear what happened.
Kerry ask if me if I noticed
anything different about her.
Then Bridget burst in and she
Distract and deploy? It's
the oldest trick in the book.
I know what's
going on. Party Girl
wants to take the easy way out.
- You know who's to blame?
- You, hint, hint.
The school. Vocational Arts
shouldn't even be
an option to her.
Well, you signed the slip.
Yeah, well you
paid our mortgage
late last month,
cost us a penalty.
Yeah, that's pertinent, honey.
The school's letting our
girls slip through the cracks.
See Kerry's sketchbook?
She could make a living at this.
This talent would've
gone unnoticed.
Had you not been snooping?
Thank God I did, Cate.
Thank God I did.
You can tell the principal
all about her failures.
Try and stop me.
This afternoon. We
have an appointment
in her office after school.
Good. I'd be able to make it
if I didn't have this meeting.
You made that up.
In that case, I might be able to
make it. But just
remember one thing.
- It's not your fault?
- Damn straight!
Bye, honey.
- Stop staring at that girl.
- Yeah, yeah, OK.
Told you we should've
dropped him off first.
I said stop staring.
I'm not staring. I'm trying
to control her with my mind.
Oh, OK.
How dare you come to my school?
How embarrassing
to be called out of
class by Rich Brittany
with her haircut
that only looks good
on the girl from The Matrix.
It must be horrible for you.
Come sit down.
You went back on
your word. You signed
my permission slip. No backsies.
Yeah, well, you tricked me.
So no tricksies.
Mr. and Mrs. Hennessy,
Bridget, hi. Come on in.
No gum chewing.
'Sup.
OK, so I signed a permission slip
without first looking at it.
I mean, what father hasn't?
Most.
Oh. OK, but you know, I think
everybody once in a while,
misses what's right
under their nose,
like you and our
other daughter, Kerry.
You have a very talented artist
in this school. I should know.
I'm an artist myself,
well, I'm a writer.
But, you know, I
paint with words.
This was my conference. Who
did Rich Brittany drag in here?
Yes, Mr. Hennessy,
one problem child at a time.
Problem one problem at a time.
Just take a look
at this wonderful work here.
Show her the cartoons
in the back? Show her.
Show her.
That's a good idea.
Take a look at this one.
This is called
"The Incredible Boring Wo"
You know, I think in this light,
she's not that good, so
Well, you know,
parents really have
a hard time being
objective. Guilty.
Oh, we are, we are so, so sorry.
No, we are. Sorry we missed it.
She's very talented.
I mean, look at those old
lady shoes, that manly blazer.
Yeah.
I'm taking this to the
school newspaper.
They could use
someone like Kerry.
Why talk about Kerry? Who
did Rich Brittany drag in here?
Let's concentrate on Bridget.
We gotta clean this mess about
her dropping
college prep courses.
Why don't we hear from Bridget.
I don't need college. I know what
I wanna do. Be an esthetician.
- A facialist?
- A beautician?
- A zit popper?
- Rory!
Back off!
That's our boy. He'll be
here in a couple of years.
Can't wait.
An esthetician. I can
take classes here.
After high school, I can get my
license at the
institute in six months.
Esthetics is a hot new career.
I could start at 30,000 a year.
Whoa! Let me look
at that catalogue.
Wow. You've given
this a lot of thought.
She should be aiming
at a four-year college.
What do you think,
Mrs. Connelly?
Nice campus.
Mr. Hennessy, we
encourage many of
our students to
go into the trades.
Look at your MBAs.
I mean dot-com, dot bomb.
Oh, yeah.
Mrs. Connelly? Do
you have any advice?
Well, how about we
make a compromise?
Continue college
prep courses and your
electives can be
in vocational arts.
- OK.
- OK. And keep working hard.
Well, start working hard.
Well, listen, thank
you very much,
Mrs. Connelly.
I'm sorry for all this.
It's just that, you know,
I'm a concerned parent,
father bear, as it were.
You know what, I just want
the best for my little cubs
so that one day they can
spread their wings and fly.
Yes, I too, would like to see a
bear cub spread
its wings and fly.
Bridget, how can I put this
as gently as possible? Oh, yeah.
There is no way
in hell one of my
daughters is gonna
go to beauty school.
- Mom!
- Paul!
I'm sorry. But, as a parent,
I don't care if I can't be
popular with my
kids all the time.
- Has anybody seen my sketchbook?
- Not me, sweetheart, no.
You can't tell me what to do.
You're not the boss.
Technically I am. I
give you money once
a week and I pay
for your healthcare.
How do I quit?
How could you treat
Bridget like that?
She doesn't wanna go
to college, Mom. But I do.
Now see, there is some
of that Hennessy ambition.
In fact, I'd like to skip
right to high school now.
Oh, for Pete's sake.
Rory, that girl will still be
in detention five years from now.
She'd better be.
OK, tell the truth, Cate,
are you happy that Bridget wants
to go to beauty school
with Rory's future wife?
I would prefer she
went to college.
Then why are we
having this discussion?
Because we're married.
Those are our children.
You're gonna have
to do better than that, Cate.
Look, first of all,
Bridget is showing enthusiasm
for something
other than boys and new tops.
And secondly,
she's taken initiative.
These are qualities I wanna
encourage in all my children.
I can't find my sketchbook.
Maybe Bridget knows where it is.
Honey, have you looked
in the garage, it could
in the
OK, where were we?
I believe you were
about to apologize.
No, we were at number three.
Bridget is 16 years old.
That means she'll change
her mind about a hundred times.
Which brings us to four.
We've never been to four.
You're not allowed to go to four.
You're a snob!
I'm a snob?!
Yeah, well you hold a coffee
cup with your pinky sticking out.
You're not doing it right.
Don't give me the
finger, Cate. Let
me tell you
something, all right.
I know you don't
think so, but I know
a thing or two
about childrearing.
I've done a pretty good
job with these girls.
He did what?! I'm gonna kill him!
No! God, you're strong. No!
Why not? You're mad at him, too!
Mom is on my side
making Dad feel like
an idiot. You'll just
muddy the waters.
Your waters. I have
my own issue here.
We have the same issue.
Dad is taking over our lives.
Get it? If I win, we win.
Oh, I see.
No!
Let go of me!
What'd you do that for?
I don't know. They
do it in the movies.
When the character's hysterical.
I wasn't hysterical, I was mad.
- I'm sorry. I love you so much.
- God!
It is not snobbery.
I just want to
nip this kind of
thinking in the bud.
Come on. You're sounding like
a snob. Just like your father.
We're gonna bring
our in-laws into
this? Let's not open
that can of worms.
Somebody wearing a muumuu holding
a double daiquiri might pop out.
I thought about not speaking
to you for the rest of my life,
appropriate, but
then I figured you
wouldn't know
exactly how I felt,
so I wrote down all
my feelings for you.
"I hate you."
Well, that's clear and concise.
You managed to convey a wealth of
emotions into just three words.
My first draft was
only two words.
Yes, Care Bear?
I hate you, too!
Come on, you don't understand.
I showed Mrs. Connelly
your work because
I thought it was
great and beautiful
and I'm so proud of you. And I
know one day you'll thank me.
You are in very big
trouble, young lady.
Thank you.
I took your cartoons
to the student newspaper.
Imagine my surprise when one
of my colleagues,
actually a number
of my colleagues,
pointed out to me that I am
"The Incredible Boring Woman."
The principal.
I need to take
immediate action
since it already went to press.
I've decided that Kerry
should utilize her skills
by painting banners for the pep
squad for the rest
of the semester.
Yes, Mrs. Connelly.
You may not respect the person,
but you will respect the blazer.
Yes, Mrs. Connelly.
Rory, let's go.
Wait a minute.
We didn't bring you!
Rory Joseph Hennessy. Come on!
I can't believe Go. Go.
- Hi, honey.
- Hi.
What are you watching?
Take a look.
And now we shall
hear from one of
our graduates,
Bridget Erin Hennessy.
I'm Bridget Hennessy,
and I wanna be
the first President
of the United
States who's a girl.
Oh. Aw
Her Kindergarten graduation.
How did she go from leader
of the free world to facialist?
She changed her mind.
You remember how many majors
you had in college, Paul?
Pre-med, pre-law
I was searching.
I'm a seeker, a seeker of wisdom.
Oh, bull. You were trying
to please your parents.
Yeah. That's a
Hennessy tradition,
college and
pleasing your parents.
Let me tell you about one
of my family traditions.
When I was little, I
used to ask my mom
why she always cut off the
end of the Sunday pot roast.
She said, "Because that's
how my mother used to do it."
So then I asked my
grandma why she
cut off the end of
the Sunday roast.
She said that's how
her mother used to do it.
So finally I went to visit my
great-grandmother
and I just had to ask:
"Why do you cut off
the end of the roast?"
And she said,
"Because the pan was too small."
See where I'm
going with this, Paul?
Are we having pot
roast for dinner?
My point is the previous
generation isn't always so wise.
It's just, Bridget used to be
filled with dreams
and expectations.
Whose dreams? Whose expectations?
Look. Remember this?
And that's 'cause my daddy says
I can be whatever I want to be.
That's exactly my point.
No. You said she could be
anything she wants to be.
Are you proud, Dad?
Your little girl
is painting signs
with bird mascots
for the pep squad.
I got you into trouble,
Kerry, I'm sorry.
But I'm not going to apologize
for being your biggest fan.
I think you're
incredibly talented.
And maybe, just maybe,
you were born to be an artist.
Why can't you get this
through your skull?
My art is personal. It's for me.
- Fine.
- Fine.
Although, it was kinda cool
being published.
Yeah?
Yeah, yeah, I have to admit,
it made me feel kinda special.
Well, that's great,
Kerry, because
you know what, you
are kinda special.
Dad, that means so much
Not now, honey,
I gotta talk to your sister.
Beach? Honey?
Bridget, are you putting
makeup on the boy?
I was gonna exfoliate him.
What? You said
we were gonna eat lobster.
Now I'm never gonna
finish my homework!
What, this is homework?
Yeah. Pretty stupid, huh?
- Can I help?
- What are you doing?
- You don't wanna flunk, do you?
- No.
OK, come on.
Make me look like Robert Redford.
You mean old? Done.
OK.
- Oh, whoa, that's hot! Hot!
- I'm opening your pores.
Uh, they like to be closed.
Oh, my corneas are liquefying.
Oh wait, this is important.
Close your eyes.
- Mm-hmm.
- OK, OK, OK.
Relax, you're such a baby.
- Bridget, listen, I'm sorry.
- Wait! Don't move. Don't move.
I just wanna apologize. I didn't
mean to make you feel bad.
Then why did you?
I don't know, I guess
knee-jerk reaction.
Listen, I wanna tell you a story.
When your mother
was a little girl,
she went to her mom and said,
"Why do you use
a little pan to cook the roast?"
And her mother said,
"Because that's what my mother
used to cook the roast in?"
So to make a long
story short, your
mom went to her
great-grandmother
and said "What's the
deal with the little pan?"
And do you know what her
great-grandmother said?
No.
Neither do I.
But grandma sure makes
a good pot roast.
Oh, yeah.
And then my
grandfather pushed my
dad to go to
college on the GI Bill
so that he could
make something of himself.
- Is there a pan in this story?
- Let me finish.
Then my father pushed me
to go to college
because he wanted
me to be a doctor.
I hated that. And then today
I realized I've been pushing you.
I've become my father.
But you didn't become a doctor.
No, but I was
annoyed by my father.
Yeah, I became a writer. There
were a lot of fights in between.
I don't want you
and me to fight, Bridge.
So I can be an esthetician?
I will support whatever
you decide to become,
as long as you promise
to keep an open mind
and never root for Ohio State.
Cool.
Oh!
It was horrible, I
surrendered. I told
Bridget to do whatever
makes her happy.
Wow. You look great.
Where did it all go wrong, Cate?
I've lost the ability
to have any impact on my kids.
No, I mean it really, really
great. What'd you do?
Exfoliation. Mask. Moisturizer.
Your basic full spa package.
Seriously, like Robert Redford
when he was young.
Yeah? You wanna play
Butch Cassidy and the
- Hey, Dad.
- Could you knock?!
Like I'm gonna
walk in on anything.
So, I looked at
this college guide.
- You did?
- Yes, I said I'd be open-minded.
I should totally go to college!
Yes! I mean, if that's what
you want, I'm totally OK with it.
- If you buy me a car.
- Uh, sure.
No! No car!
Why'd you change your mind?
I read about the University
of San Diego. It's by the ocean.
It has a surf club, and
the basketball team has hot guys.
I really wanna go
there. You should
get me a convertible.
Go Toreros!
Well, Paul, you should be happy.
Paul?
No way is she
going to California.
That's over two
thousand miles away!
What?
Stay home two years for your
general education requirements.
Who's the snob now? What's
wrong with Michigan schools?
Did you learn nothing
about the pan story?
What's going on?
The art director
from the paper is
coming over. She
wants to see my work.
It's all over the house. Be
nice and send her upstairs, OK?
OK.
Rory, get the door.
- Aw, man.
- Get the door.
Take her upstairs, Rory.
What?
You heard me. Take her upstairs.
It worked.