Ben and Kate (2012) s01e14 Episode Script

Oh, man.
Now we're working shifts I love a Saturday full of nothing.
There's nothing like nothing.
What you got on today? Nothing.
We're all doing nothing.
Perfect.
See you soon.
- Grandpa's coming to visit.
- What? He'll be here in five minutes.
Clean the living room! PAINT the living room! Let it be messy.
I don't care.
Yeah.
He only comes once a year.
Let HIM clean it up.
It's not an accusation.
It's an observation.
You overreact to him saying anything critical.
Oh, my God! OK, Dad! It's like I'm a broken music box.
And he's the only one that knows the song.
You don't even know me, Dad.
You have never paid attention to me my entire life.
He just makes me so mad.
Dad who? OK.
That's five minutes.
Dad's here.
Thank you, Grandpa! I love it.
Of course, sweetie.
Happy birthday.
Again, Dad, her birthday was four months ago.
I know, Katie, but I couldn't be here then.
So we're doing it now.
So, Dad, what brings you to town? I thought it was time to come check on you guys, see how this is working out.
You've been here a while, trying to be the man of the house.
What do you mean trying? Want some cake? Come on.
That's nice.
You got a Valentine's cake.
Did I tell you about my new business? I buy autographed celebrity photos from closing laundromats and sell them online.
Sounds like a hobby.
You still working at that bar? Yes, I am still working there.
Oh, Katie, you always had such potential.
Ben! I always thought you'd do something more meaningful.
Ben! Come here! It's so crazy that you're saying that because I am doing so much meaningful stuff.
I'm volunteering.
So much volunteering.
It's like a full-time job.
Where do you volunteer? At the volunteer centre.
Remember? For kids.
Kids! Who are at risk.
At risk and need help.
Help.
Yeah.
The volunteer centre for kids who are at risk and need help.
Let's go see what this cake looks like in the living room.
Maddie's getting so big.
Yeah.
I guess I notice it less cos I see her every day.
Why don't we see what it looks Did you check out that audiobook I sent you Unfinished Business? No, I'm not sure.
I'm pretty sure it was on cassette tape and I don't have a It'll help you deal with stuff.
Stuff like what? The stuff that comes with being the man of the house.
Like putting a beat down on that lowlife Maddie's dad when he ran off.
What? What kind of man doesn't stick up for his sister? She made me promise not to.
So not even gonna Kate! I don't lead a meaningful life? Come on! He's in the memorabilia racket what is that? It's not a real job.
Kate, you're a single mom who works in a bar to take care of her kid.
You are SO meaningful.
Why on earth did I tell him I was volunteering? Now he's asking me all these questions.
You DO volunteer.
You help ME all the time.
You take my shifts, you feed me.
He's only here for a few days.
I am gonna go out and find a real-life charity and I am gonna help a ton of kids and people Losers.
And get my dad off my back.
But when you're helping losers who is gonna cover your shifts? You are! Kate, it's the weekend and it's happy hour.
Kate, I don't know how to work the thing you put the money in.
I don't know what it's called.
Ben! Ben! Your dad woke me up this morning and made me go jogging with him.
Then we had a heavy pancake breakfast which undid everything we had just done! Then he told me something you're gonna wanna hear about.
What are you on about? Up and at 'em, sunshine! We're gonna find Maddie's daddy and kick his ass.
That's the thing I was talking about.
Right now? Oh, yeah.
Let's do it.
Hi, how are you? Good, thanks.
My name is Katherine Fox and I would like to volunteer.
Great! Preferably something meaningful as I am a meaningful person.
We could always use help on the suicide hotline.
The su- I don't think that's a good fit cos I'm not very confident on the phone.
You know? I feel if somebody made a good argument I could cave easily.
Oh.
OK.
Um Well, we're rebuilding the rec room.
Are you handy? I'm not NOT handy.
Why am I lying? I'm not handy! I was hoping there was something I could do today.
I'm a single mom.
I don't have a lot of time.
That's fantastic! Thank you.
I mean, it would be helpful in mentoring pregnant teens.
Not that it's great that you're alone.
That's a hard way of living.
A hard life.
During the holidays or any time of year.
For the whole year, it's just a sad year.
It's sad.
Sad as a single woman with a child that's sad.
I guess you're no good on the suicide hotline either.
OK, no pictures of Tyler in Keith's room but I did find this.
Hey, guys, look what I found.
Mr Fox, this is my girlfriend Lila.
What's she doing here? Don't worry.
Tommy told me all about it.
I won't say anything to Kate.
Maybe I could find him online.
What's his name? Tyler Cook but we already tried that.
Tyler Cook.
He grew up here.
He went to college with Kate.
Listed as the father on Maddie's birth certificate.
Boom! You got an address.
Looks like we're going on a stakeout.
Aren't you glad Mommy's so smart? I would've found him I just didn't have the right software.
You're crazy, Momma! Daddy would've found him eventually! Daddy can't even look up movie times online! Because Mommy only likes to see Mommy movies that no-one else cares about! Fight with each other, not through the poor dog.
So Dean It's Deanne.
If you say so.
Deanne.
I can't promise this job is going to last very long.
Because I think my ex co-worker's just gone on some kind of moral walkabout.
But there is a chance she won't come back and I'm gonna need someone to do all of my work for me.
I'm just looking for loose change to buy beer.
Very good.
Would you consider yourself to be a serious worker? Nah! Nah.
Are you conscientious and punctual? No.
Fine.
Final question.
Where do you see yourself in five years? Probably dead.
Welcome aboard! I can't believe it! That was really fun.
Shall we do it again? Yeah! I'm excited but I'm also kind of scared too.
Having a kid is one of the biggest things to happen to me.
Well, yeah, yeah, I understand.
I understand because I am your mentor and I am here for you.
It's stories like yours that drew me to volunteering in the first place.
I don't think I've ever seen you Shhhh! Don't give up on you, girlfriend.
Oh, hey, Dad.
This is Bethany.
She's a pregnant teen that I am mentoring.
Hi.
Randy Fox.
Are you guys going somewhere? It's a father/son type thing.
Sort of like a picnic.
We're going on a picnic.
Throw the old frisbee around.
Baseball.
The frisbee baseball.
It's a new sport we invented called frisball.
Basebee.
I've heard it both ways.
Just depends on the region.
Have fun wasting your time.
I'll be here being a beacon of hope to a younger generation of wayward teens.
OK, lets's get you home.
I don't want to go home.
I'm just gonna get in a fight with my dad.
He's been giving me a rough time.
Has he really? That's not OK.
Now I'm listening.
Not that I was not listening before.
I was.
But I am locked in.
Why are you using binoculars? It's right there.
People use binoculars on a stakeout.
Ooh, they kept the historical trim.
You wanna crack me open one of those energy drinks? Yeah.
Good call.
I'll have one too.
Cardiac don't mind if I do.
There we go.
Yeah, that'll get us there.
Right? You know what? This is kind of nice.
You and me, a little quality time.
Yeah.
You'd almost think we had a healthy father/son relationship.
You don't think we have a healthy father/son relationship? No, I mean, I just You know, when we were kids there were You were You know what? Forget it.
Forget about talking for a while too.
Is your heart racing a little? Cos I can hear mine beating in my ear.
I said no talking.
Holy crap! You live here? I drive past this place on the way to Maddie's dentist.
To make her behave I tell her the tooth fairy lives here.
Hello? Anybody home? That's my dad.
I can't do this.
Yes, you can.
Trust me.
Hey, there you are.
Trying to figure out how to put this thing on.
So exciting.
Who's this? I am Kate.
I am Bethany's mentor.
She expressed to me that you have not been very supportive of her pregnancy.
And we would like to have a dialogue.
Honey bee, is this true? Honey bee? Do you call her honey bee? Being a single mother myself All I said was once you have the baby you can't hang out with your friends as much.
Do you see how unsupportive he is? He does have a point.
Oh, great.
You're taking his side.
Nobody's taking sides.
But becoming a parent changes basically everything.
So what? I can't go to the movies any more? With a kid, not as much, no.
Or hang out with Booty and Dagger? Are those people? Friends.
Why does everybody hate me?! Honey bee You're like the best dad in the world.
Come on, you can't not talk to me.
We see each other like once a year.
Because I'm so terrible.
Stop! I don't think you're terrible.
There's just stuff that we never did.
Stuff you never taught me.
I don't know how to drive a stick.
Or fish.
Fishing is stupid.
Two guys sitting all day not catching anything.
We're basically fishing right now! Name one other thing I didn't teach you.
Uh how to smoke a cigar.
How to start a camp fire.
Had to learn that on the streets.
Are you finished? God, no.
How to climb a tree.
I begged you to teach me how to whittle.
I don't know how to carve a pipe or a canoe.
- I like your hair.
- Thank you.
I was talking to her.
Daddy spent so much time doing his hair we were almost late getting here.
Tell Momma we were late because she forgot her phone charger.
Again! I'll put myself to bed.
How to blow smoke rings.
How to shave with a knife.
How to throw a frisbee.
How to lawn bowl.
How to spit tobacco.
How to spit in general.
No-one's saying that your life is over.
But it is going to change.
Drastically.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
When my daughter was born I had to put everything on hold.
My friends and school and my career and nobody told me that.
Nobody told me how scary it was going to be either.
When Maddie was two, she swallowed a nickel.
I still haven't found it.
Is it going to stay inside of her for ever? Not a day goes by that I don't think about it.
When I wasn't looking what else did she eat? When I turned my head away for just a second, like marbles, pen caps, little to I think what your friend is trying to say is that parenting is hard, honey.
On the brighter side, I'm here.
And I've been through it before.
And I'm gonna help you, honey.
You're not alone.
OK? Come here, honey bee.
Oh, sweetie.
It's gonna be OK.
It's gonna be difficult at first but Before you know it your life is going to be right back where you left it.
Right? Once you got the hang of parenting you got right back to your life, right? What the hell's that supposed to mean? You went back to school.
No.
Or you pursued your dreams, right? Get off my back, Dave! God! I can't throw a boomerang.
All right, all right, all right, all right! What do you say we focus on the task at hand? Right.
Sorry.
One quick question, though.
When this goes down with Tyler Like how's this gonna work? Logistically.
I don't know maybe one good punch each.
One small thing.
You never taught me how to punch a guy.
You never punched anyone? How many guys have you punched? We're not talking about me.
You've never punched anyone either? Disaster! The most important punch of our lives can't be our first.
We gotta practise.
OK, so, for maximum fairness, on three, we punch each other at the same time.
Like Rocky and Apollo in Rocky II.
Rocky III.
No, it was Rocky II when The punch was in III.
It wasn't, Dad, it was II! I know the movie.
Just forget it, OK?! Are you ready? One Two.
.
Three! What was that? You hit me right on the side of my head.
I know! That was like skull on bone! Ow! I think I really hurt my hand.
Are you guys OK? No, man! We just Rocky I, II, III'd each other.
Ah! Wait.
Are you uh friends with Tyler? Is that the guy who used to live here? He moved like six months ago.
Left all his stuff.
Even his fish.
Abandoning things that's his signature move.
I bet he never calls on the fish's birthday either.
Why would he call the fish on its birthday? I am sorry I forgot Maddie's birthday.
I'm talking about Tyler, Dad.
Oh, right.
Should I go? Yeah.
I'm gonna go.
Ah, who am I kidding? It's too late.
It's not too late.
We can find him.
I'm not talking about that.
Look, Ben, I hit my head on the inside of a water slide about a month ago.
Nearly drowned.
I was basically dead for like three minutes.
And when I woke up I thought, "I need to try to set things right with my family.
" I wish it hadn't taken a near-death experience for you to come visit us.
I know it's too late for you to think of me as a good father Dad.
But I want to be a good grandfather.
I thought settling things with this creep would feel like a little bit of both.
There's still something we can do.
And if you're an Aussie, drink it down like a mozzie and everybody shout hooray! Deanne.
Disgusting Deanne.
You just know so many idiotic, repetitive drinking games.
Yeah, well, when you tend bar for 20 years you learn a few.
and me, BJ.
No worries, no responsibilities.
I'll keep doing this till I'm too ugly to make tips or my liver gives out! Who's ready for another short?! Thank God.
You're back.
My dad told me that I am wasting my life away.
And then Bethany's dad told me basically the exact same thing.
Nice! Who cares if I never went back to college? It's nobody's business what we do or don't do with the rest of our lives.
That is exactly what I'm saying.
Who cares that you're constantly talking about going to business school? You said you'd become a therapist.
Did you ever do that? No! Why? Because YOU choose.
I choose.
To do nothing.
To do nothing at all.
With my life! I don't wanna do anything! Good for you, girls.
It's just us girls from here on out.
Together for ever! Careful.
Slow down.
You don't wanna spill.
I know how to liberate a fish.
Hey! What the hell? This guy again? Run.
Run! Run! Run, Dad! Get back here! That is my house! Give me my fish! I don't know how to drive a stick.
We gotta switch.
There's no time.
Lock the doors.
Left foot on the clutch, right foot on the brake.
I can't.
My hand! I'll shift.
You're taking my fish.
Start the car.
Right foot on the gas, left foot on the clutch.
Up on the clutch, down on the gas at the same speed.
That's not your fish! You know nothing! You saw nothing! OK.
That's it.
Smooth.
Now just drive.
Drive! We're hauling.
Good! Good! We're doing it, Dad.
You're teaching me how to drive! I know Daddy said we'd be home an hour ago but we'll find something for you to eat here.
OK, look, that's it.
Ben's dad was right.
We're fighting through Robert instead of just talking.
What is Daddy talking about? Oh, God, you're right.
I'm sorry.
I just really hate fighting with you.
It doesn't have to be a scary thing for us to disagree about little stuff.
Right.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Can I have something to eat? I'm starving.
I told your silly Aunt Lila to order pizza an hour ago.
I'll call for you, Maddie, because Uncle Tommy's fingers are broken.
She tried to wait up for you.
Should have given her some candy.
That's what I used to do with you.
What have you got there? Nothing.
Let me see.
I'm just filling out an application to go back to college.
Oh, Katie, I got through to you! No.
That is not what you should take away from this.
I hope you have time to go to school with all the volunteering you've been doing.
You got me.
I really don't like having you disappointed in me.
I'm not disappointed in you.
I'm disappointed you didn't have anyone around to help you.
I had people around.
Not everyone.
Why did you have to lie to me? I don't know, Dad.
How was your picnic? Sorry, we didn't find him.
Thank you for looking.
Grandpa.
Hey, kiddo.
I got you an early Valentine's Day present.
Do you think she's a girl? Of course she's a girl.
I'm gonna name her Frances.
Frances the fish.
Where did you get her? I went fishing with your uncle.
It was fun.
I punched Dad.
It was awesome.
It's kinda nice having him here.
Yeah.
When do you think he's leaving? I don't know.
We did it.
We applied for college.
My great-grandfather would be so disappointed.
He hated college.
And women.
We never even had the sex talk.
I did a lot of weird stuff with girls, Dad, before I learned what I was doing.
I didn't know how to use protection.
I thought you had to unroll it! Like a a tight balloon around a hammer.
Really slows down the momentum of the night.
I don't know how to change a tyre.
I once went on a date, got a nail stuck in my tyre, and the girl had to change the tyre.
Didn't get laid that night.
And even if I did I wouldn't have known what to do! How to end a conversation I can't do that.