Happy Days (1974) s01e14 Episode Script
The Best Man
1
One, two, three o'clock, four o'clock rock
Five, six, seven o'clock, eight o'clock rock
Nine, ten, eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock rock
We're gonna rock around the clock tonight
Put your glad rags on, join me, hon
We'll have some fun when the clock strikes one
We're gonna rock around the clock tonight
We're gonna rock, rock, rock till broad daylight
We're gonna rock, gonna rock around the clock tonight
When the clock strikes two, three, and four
If the band slows down, we'll yell for more
We're gonna rock around the clock tonight
We're gonna rock, rock, rock till broad daylight
We're gonna rock, gonna rock around the clock tonight
When the chimes ring five, six, and seven
We'll be right in seventh heaven
We're gonna rock around the clock tonight
We're gonna rock, rock, rock till broad daylight
We're gonna rock, gonna rock around the clock tonight
When the clock strikes twelve, we'll cool off then
Start a-rockin' 'round the clock again
We're gonna rock around the clock tonight
We're gonna rock, rock, rock till broad daylight
We're gonna rock, gonna rock around the clock tonight ♪
Oh, where's that delivery boy from the market?
He always helped me carry packages home.
Oh, yeah, Eddie Collins. They had to fire him.
Every time somebody didn't tip,
he'd crush their butter.
Thank goodness I always tipped him.
Oh, Mom, I forgot to tell you -
Dad invited somebody over to the house for dinner.
Oh, anyone we know?
No, just an old army buddy.
He's in town to get married.
Oh, your father never tells me anything.
I guess another guest for dinner won't be any trouble.
I think he's gonna be here longer than just dinner.
Dad asked him to stay until after the wedding.
Oh, he said to tell you that we're invited, too.
Oh, good.
Well, that gives me an excuse
to buy that dress that I already bought.
Hi!
Oh, hi, Dad.
Marion, Richie, I'd like to you meet
my old army buddy Fred Washington.
How do you do?
Oh, it's nice to meet you, Fred.
Pleasure to meet you.
Hi.
Oh, this is a surprise.
Uh, I mean, I didn't know that you
I mean, we didn't expect
What I mean is, we have watermelon all the time.
Here we go.
Joanie, what are you doing?
She's doing her Invisible Man imitation.
Joanie, please take it off.
It's cute, but white hoods make me nervous.
Put your napkin in your lap
and give the glasses back to Fred.
Fred's traveled all over the world.
Maybe there's some questions you'd like to ask him.
Say, we're all a little nervous tonight,
and I'm nervous, too.
Uh, it's been a long time
since I had dinner with white people.
Yeah, well, we understand, Fred.
Yes, we do.
Just try to forget we're white.
Will you look at these photos!
I can't believe that's how we looked 12 years ago.
I can believe it.
I must've put on over 5 pounds since those days.
You don't have to rub it in.
Hey, look at this one. Me with that cute little Nurse Sally.
You remember her?
How can I forget? You used to ring her so often,
we nicknamed you "The Phantom Buzzer."
Oh, boy, she was really something else.
You know, I remember the time
Oh, you have your scrapbook out.
Fred and I were reminiscing
about how we met in the hospital.
Who is that pretty girl standing next to you?
Oh, she's just some nurse.
Marion, Fred thought I was in the hospital
because I got wounded by a grenade.
And he didn't tell me until we were leaving
that he dropped a box of grenades on his foot.
Who'd you say that pretty nurse was?
Just some nurse, Marion. I don't remember her name.
So, the old bachelor is finally taking the plunge, huh?
Boy, I just can't believe it.
Yeah, neither can I.
There's that nurse again. You're both in bathing suits.
Well, she was giving us sun therapy.
There she is again, alone
I think we're finished with the scrapbook, Marion.
What are you so nervous about?
Mm, the wedding.
One other thing.
What's that?
Howard, you and I have been friends a long time.
And I don't know anybody else in this town.
So how about it?
What about what?
You wanna have a stag party?
No.
Would you be my best man?
You want me to be your best man?
Yeah.
I'll understand if you have any reservations about it.
Oh, no, no, Fred.
I'd be proud to be your best man.
You understand that you might be
the only white couple at the wedding?
Uh, the only ones?
Yeah, um, Carol's family
doesn't have many friends on this side of town.
But if it's going to make you uncomfortable,
I'll understand if you don't want to come.
Not come?! Why, don't be silly!
I'm looking forward to it.
In fact, I was just going upstairs to fix my dress.
Now we can get back to that cute nurse.
Would you like some more coffee?
Oh, I'll get it. You want a cup?
No, thanks. Help yourself.
Cream is in the refrigerator.
Oh, hello, Mrs. Finley.
Hello, Mr. Cunningham.
Uh, could I use your phone? I'm sorry to bother you.
But, uh I was talking to my mother last night,
and Mr. Finley ripped the phone right off the wall.
Help yourself.
Oh, I'll use the one in the kitchen.
Excuse me, Mr. Cunningham,
but, uh, I couldn't help noticing
that there's a a man in the kitchen.
Oh, yes, that's Fred. Would you like to meet him?
Meet him? Oh, I don't think that's
Fred, say hello to one of our neighbors, Mrs. Finley.
Oh, how do you do, Mrs. Finley?
Uh, h-how do you do?
Uh, I-I always contribute to African missions.
Oh. So do I.
Uh, Fred's marrying a hometown girl here
on Sunday.
Oh, th-that's nice.
Are you planning to live around here?
I haven't decided yet. Won't you sit down?
No, no, thank you.
But I did see a house on the block
that I might buy.
This block?
Well, isn't that nice? You'd be neighbors.
Oh neighbors.
Well, you wouldn't mind living on the same block
with a headshrinker, would you?
Are you a psychiatrist?
Oh, no. I collect heads and actually shrink them.
Uh, a craft handed down to me
by my great uncle - Nat King Conga.
Uh that's nice.
Well, I-I have to leave now.
Well, what about your phone call?
No, no, no, that's all right.
I-I'll write a letter.
That wasn't very nice of us.
It sure wasn't.
Let's do it again sometime.
You know, this is the fifth time
I've been asked to be a best man.
Maybe I should be on What's My Line?
I think it was nice of Fred to ask you.
Yeah? I think so, too.
I suppose, though, he has a point
that we might be conspicuous at the wedding.
Marion, you don't want us to go to the wedding, do you?
Oh, I didn't say that.
You didn't have to.
Your prejudice is coming through loud and clear.
Howard, I'm not prejudiced!
Am I prejudiced? It's hard to tell.
All that talk about feeling out of place,
that's just an excuse, Marion -
just an excuse for bigotry.
Now, let's face it -
you don't want us to go to the wedding
because we're white and they're black.
You've said enough, Howard. Good night.
Bet you wouldn't tell that pretty little nurse
that she's a bigot.
Marion, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.
You did.
But it was the truth.
I think I really am prejudiced.
Thank you, Howard.
Don't mention it.
Now let's get some sleep.
I'm going with Fred to discuss the wedding plans
at his father-in-law's office.
He needs my support.
What does his father-in-law do?
He's an undertaker.
Oh, I never met an undertaker.
Never met a Negro, never met an undertaker.
Howard, I've got to get out of the house more.
It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Cunningham.
Oh, you, too, Mr. Davis, and thank you.
OK, let's talk about
the wedding plans you've made.
Oh, uh, I'll wait in the other room.
That's the embalming room.
Then again, maybe I'll wait right here.
Oh, what a lovely ashtray.
That's Mr. Turner.
I've seen better ashtrays.
OK, Mr. Davis,
let's get down to the wedding plans.
Good idea, but first, he can't be the best man.
What do you got against Howard being the best man?
Nothing, really.
It's just he's not quite the color I had in mind.
I have nothing against white.
I treat everyone the same.
I'm glad to hear that.
And when they come to me, I don't look at the color.
I just put them in a box.
That is the American way.
Carol and I wanted a small wedding,
and you decided on a big church affair!
You even try to pick my best man!
Your wedding plans are canceled!
I'm taking over the arrangements!
You're not gonna have one of those cheap weddings?!
It's gonna be a nice wedding!
And I'm gonna do it my way!
Oh, well, goodbye, sir.
Y-You have a nice place here,
and I'm going to recommend it to my friends.
You missed a spot right there.
Yes.
Yes, I understand that.
Oh, no, no, I'll have to check a few other places
before I decide.
Yes. Goodbye.
How's it going?
I can't believe it!
I can't find anyplace to hold the wedding!
I mean, either all the halls are booked,
or it's out of my price range
or out of my race range.
There must be something we can do.
Joanie, would you please stop that?
We're trying to solve a problem.
OK.
Can I make a suggestion?
You could have the wedding right here in this house.
Here?
It's a terrific idea.
We could have it in the living room.
Here?
Ma could play the piano.
"Here Comes the Bride" is easy.
Have it here?
And for the reception,
I'll make some delicious cheese dips and hors d'oeuvres.
I read a marvelous recipe in a column
called "Favorite Recipes of Hollywood Wives."
Marion Elizabeth Taylor made it
for Eddie Fisher on their honeymoon.
Marion Or was it Debbie made it?
No, it was Liz.
Marion!
Yes, dear?
Marion, I appreciate your offer,
but think about what you're in for.
You're gonna have a house full of people - Negro people.
And I'd say that doesn't happen every day
in this neighborhood.
I'd say it doesn't happen every hundred years
in this part of town.
And you're gonna get funny looks from your neighbors,
and maybe more than just funny looks.
Besides, you've gotta live here, not me.
Will you give me that! I said no paddle ball.
We're having an important discussion.
Howard, would you run it through your head
and give me your answer in the morning? OK?
OK.
If your answer's no, believe me, I'll understand.
But please think about it first.
Dad Please, Richard, I'm thinking.
The next time you get up in the middle of the night,
will you please put the blankets back over me?
I'm sorry, Marion.
Oh, Howard, something's wrong.
Do you wanna tell me about it?
What makes you think something is wrong?
Well, for one thing, you're wearing my robe.
It was on my side of the bed.
So were the blankets.
Oh. You're right, Marion. Something is bothering me.
Having Fred's wedding here -
I'm just not so sure it'll work out.
Why do you say that?
I don't think I'm a bigot, Marion,
but our neighbors, they're different.
Like that Mrs. Finley.
Mrs. Finley is a pain in the b-e-h-i-n-d.
That's not how you spell it.
I know.
I don't think our neighbors are ready for this.
Well, I think we are.
Marion, don't you think it was guilt
that made you ask Fred to have the wedding here?
Well, maybe it was this time,
but next time, it won't be.
Oh, dear, what are you doing up?
I heard you down here.
Is there something wrong?
Your mother and I were having
a private talk. Go back to bed.
Your father thinks the neighbors
might object to our having this wedding.
Why don't you have a glass of milk, Richard?
The noise, the cars and all the people.
Nobody got upset when the Kendalls
had their tenth-anniversary party.
That was different.
Dad, I sure am glad
you're not gonna let our thick-headed
neighbors push you around.
Just because all the people are gonna be Negroes.
You are, huh?
I really am.
I wonder who that can be!
It's probably Potsie -
he always smells food coming from our kitchen.
Oh, Officer Kincaid!
All right, what's this all about?
I caught him prowling the neighborhood.
I was taking a walk.
And he told me he was staying here,
but I've heard that one before.
Your police force is on its toes.
It's more likely they've got their foot in their mouth
because he is staying here!
He is staying here? Well, I didn't know.
I mean, he's a stranger, you know what I mean?
Yeah, we all know what you mean.
He's not only a guest in our house,
but I am going to be the best man at his wedding,
and that wedding is going to take place
right here in this house!
Gee, I didn't know. Congratulations!
I love weddings!
Thanks, but this is just for our family.
You care to join us for a sandwich?
Oh, I never eat on duty. It dulls the senses.
Mm-hmm. Then you must have just had a big dinner.
Is that the last of them, Fonzie?
Yeah. I'll tell you, though,
whoever, uh, sits in this one
better have a good sense of balance,
or you're gonna have a, uh, a lawsuit on your hands.
Well, I was sorry to bother you on a weekend,
but you were the only guy I knew
who could get hold of a truck.
Hey, don't worry about it, huh?
My boss ain't gonna miss the truck a couple hours.
Well, listen, I appreciate it, anyway.
Yeah, it's all right.
But, uh, your father owes me five bucks
along with your appreciation, right?
Oh, right, of course.
So you're gonna have a bunch of black people in here, huh?
Well, Fonzie
I don't think that they like being called "black."
They're Negroes.
Hey, uh, I didn't mean anything by it, you know?
I mean, I'll take any guy, as long as he's cool.
I'd rather know a cool black guy
than an uncool white guy, and vice versa,
if you get my drift.
Yeah.
I gotta go.
OK. Thanks a lot, Fonzie.
Pardon me, I'm Reverend Dawson.
Hey, that's cool. I'm Fonzie. Later!
Is that a member of the wedding party?
Oh, no, sir.
Praise the Lord.
Oh, Howard, I think this wedding
has become the talk of the town.
Oh?
Mrs. Osgood from the church called,
said I should turn in my bingo card.
Oh, that's nothing, Marion.
John Kendall next door is putting
a "not for sale" sign in his yard.
Sarah told me her mother wouldn't let me play with her.
If that's the way her parents feel, you're better off.
Mom? Dad?
Oh, I hope I know how to play "The Wedding March."
Mom, it goes Hmm hmm hmm-hmm ♪
Excuse me. I think we're ready to start now.
Folks, I think we're ready to start the wedding now.
Are you feeling better?
Oh, yeah.
You're lying, aren't you?
Yeah.
If you don't stop shaking,
you're gonna wear that suit out from the inside.
You always did make jokes at times like this.
You're stalling, Fred. Now come on!
Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today
to unite this man and this woman
in the bonds of Excuse me!
What happened?!
Well maybe he thought it was a rehearsal.
Excuse me.
Marion, I'm going out to talk to Fred.
Will you try and keep these people entertained?
Daddy, why did he do that?
I knew he would run out on you,
but I thought he would wait until after the wedding!
Oh, Daddy Don't "Daddy" me!
Oh oh, sit down, everybody.
There's been a slight delay.
Now, for your listening enjoyment,
I'll play a few tunes.
Are there any requests? I know most of the Hit Parade.
Do you know any Count Basie?
Fred, this is no time to be shooting baskets!
Don't you realize there's a lovely girl waiting inside
while you're out here, working up a sweat?
Helps me to relieve the tension, Howard,
and right now, I am a very tense man!
You just got bachelor's cold feet.
Everybody gets it. Even Eskimos get cold feet!
It's not cold feet, Howard. It's more than that.
Well, what? It's too late to have a last fling,
if that's what you're thinking.
There are people waiting in there!
Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream
Row, row, row your boat Merrily, merrily, merrily
Gently down the stream Life is but a dream
Merrily, merrily, merrily Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream Life is but a dream
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
Life is but a dream ♪
He ain't no Mitch Miller, I'll tell you that.
And another thing -
I'm not too choked up about this chair.
Look at this.
All right, Fred, what's bothering you?
Is it your father-in-law?
No, it's not that.
It's the whole thing.
Gettin' married is hard.
What's hard about it?
You say "I do," and it's over.
Yeah. Then I got a wife.
And then, before you know it, I got kids.
You don't like kids?
I love kids.
That's why I don't want to go through with it.
This wedding has caused us nothing but trouble.
And why? Because you're white and I'm black.
Fred, you and I aren't getting married.
That's why I don't want to bring kids
in this world right now.
The fighting over this wedding has made me realize it.
"The smith, a mighty man is he,
"with large and sinewy hands.
"The muscles of his brawny arms
are stronger than iron bands"
They got to be kidding me!
Think I'll go back to France.
Things are different over there.
So that's the solution? Just run away?
Yeah.
Well, you can't.
Why not?
Because you love Carol, and she loves you,
and you should have kids,
and maybe the kids will change things.
Listen, Fred, when I was a kid in the '30s,
things were terrible.
Here it is, the '50s, and they're a little better.
Who knows what it's going to be like in the '60s?
Yeah, but it's hard.
Most things worthwhile are.
Come on.
Let's go get you married.
Oh, come on, Fred,
my family's not very talented.
They can't keep holding them together like that.
Come on.
I think we're losing 'em!
"If this is the white folk" idea of a wedding,
I'd hate to see their funerals.
Let's get out of here.
Honey! Honey! Honey!
Listen, I can explain.
No, I can't.
Just tell her that you love her
and you want to get married now!
Carol, uh, what he says.
Baby, please say "yes."
I do love you.
Grab the Reverend and let's do it.
Oh, Richard
This wedding will take place over my dead body!
Please, Mr. Davis - no shop talk.
Mr. Davis, please sit down.
Here's some cake.
Thank you, son. Oh, thank you.
Well, Fred, you've finally gone through with it.
Yep, thanks to you.
Well, I'm an expert on helping bachelors.
Thank you for the use of your home - for everything.
You know, that took a lot of guts.
Maybe we'll even be neighbors someday, huh?
Excuse me.
Fred, Aunt Nattie wants to meet you.
Mm! There she goes, sounding like a wife already! Excuse me.
You know, Dad,
I wouldn't mind him moving next door to me.
Richard, by the time you get married,
maybe he can.
Mr. Cunningham.
Mr. Davis!
I better go help serve some more cake.
How do you like the wedding so far?
Well, I can put up with my daughter marrying Fred,
and I can even put up with the wedding being held here,
but no way can I put up with that piano-playing.
May I?
Be my guest.
May I?
Oh, please do.
Look, play this like that
Hey, Marion, you're cookin'!
Oh, Howard! I'm cooking!
This is the last of 'em.
Let's get 'em on the truck.
Fonzie did you ever think about getting married?
Yeah, once for about a second and a half.
I figured I'd get hitched, have a couple kids
'cause, uh, we weren't gonna spend all our time talkin',
if you know what I mean.
I-I know what you mean.
You sure?
Oh, yeah, Fonz.
I mean, you're gonna have cousins and in-laws
and stuff - I mean, all those people.
I got nothin' against marriage,
but how am I gonna get 'em all on my bike?
Let's go before they're missed.
We're returning the chairs now.
I'll be back in a while.
Oh, Fonzie - your $5.
Hey! I knew you wouldn't forget.
Night.
Oh, Howard, it was a nice wedding.
And now the happy couple are off on their honeymoon.
Mm. Hey, Marion? You remember our wedding night?
Howard, we've been married 21 years.
You can stop apologizing.
Who said I was apologizing?
What are you doing?
I'm sending a piece of wedding cake
over to Mrs. Finley.
Wait a minute. Now send it.
Hello, sunshine goodbye, rain
She's wearin' my school ring on her chain
She's my steady, I'm her man
I'm gonna love her all I can
This day is ours Won't you be mine?
These happy days This day is ours
Oh, please be mine Oh, happy days
Happy days ♪
One, two, three o'clock, four o'clock rock
Five, six, seven o'clock, eight o'clock rock
Nine, ten, eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock rock
We're gonna rock around the clock tonight
Put your glad rags on, join me, hon
We'll have some fun when the clock strikes one
We're gonna rock around the clock tonight
We're gonna rock, rock, rock till broad daylight
We're gonna rock, gonna rock around the clock tonight
When the clock strikes two, three, and four
If the band slows down, we'll yell for more
We're gonna rock around the clock tonight
We're gonna rock, rock, rock till broad daylight
We're gonna rock, gonna rock around the clock tonight
When the chimes ring five, six, and seven
We'll be right in seventh heaven
We're gonna rock around the clock tonight
We're gonna rock, rock, rock till broad daylight
We're gonna rock, gonna rock around the clock tonight
When the clock strikes twelve, we'll cool off then
Start a-rockin' 'round the clock again
We're gonna rock around the clock tonight
We're gonna rock, rock, rock till broad daylight
We're gonna rock, gonna rock around the clock tonight ♪
Oh, where's that delivery boy from the market?
He always helped me carry packages home.
Oh, yeah, Eddie Collins. They had to fire him.
Every time somebody didn't tip,
he'd crush their butter.
Thank goodness I always tipped him.
Oh, Mom, I forgot to tell you -
Dad invited somebody over to the house for dinner.
Oh, anyone we know?
No, just an old army buddy.
He's in town to get married.
Oh, your father never tells me anything.
I guess another guest for dinner won't be any trouble.
I think he's gonna be here longer than just dinner.
Dad asked him to stay until after the wedding.
Oh, he said to tell you that we're invited, too.
Oh, good.
Well, that gives me an excuse
to buy that dress that I already bought.
Hi!
Oh, hi, Dad.
Marion, Richie, I'd like to you meet
my old army buddy Fred Washington.
How do you do?
Oh, it's nice to meet you, Fred.
Pleasure to meet you.
Hi.
Oh, this is a surprise.
Uh, I mean, I didn't know that you
I mean, we didn't expect
What I mean is, we have watermelon all the time.
Here we go.
Joanie, what are you doing?
She's doing her Invisible Man imitation.
Joanie, please take it off.
It's cute, but white hoods make me nervous.
Put your napkin in your lap
and give the glasses back to Fred.
Fred's traveled all over the world.
Maybe there's some questions you'd like to ask him.
Say, we're all a little nervous tonight,
and I'm nervous, too.
Uh, it's been a long time
since I had dinner with white people.
Yeah, well, we understand, Fred.
Yes, we do.
Just try to forget we're white.
Will you look at these photos!
I can't believe that's how we looked 12 years ago.
I can believe it.
I must've put on over 5 pounds since those days.
You don't have to rub it in.
Hey, look at this one. Me with that cute little Nurse Sally.
You remember her?
How can I forget? You used to ring her so often,
we nicknamed you "The Phantom Buzzer."
Oh, boy, she was really something else.
You know, I remember the time
Oh, you have your scrapbook out.
Fred and I were reminiscing
about how we met in the hospital.
Who is that pretty girl standing next to you?
Oh, she's just some nurse.
Marion, Fred thought I was in the hospital
because I got wounded by a grenade.
And he didn't tell me until we were leaving
that he dropped a box of grenades on his foot.
Who'd you say that pretty nurse was?
Just some nurse, Marion. I don't remember her name.
So, the old bachelor is finally taking the plunge, huh?
Boy, I just can't believe it.
Yeah, neither can I.
There's that nurse again. You're both in bathing suits.
Well, she was giving us sun therapy.
There she is again, alone
I think we're finished with the scrapbook, Marion.
What are you so nervous about?
Mm, the wedding.
One other thing.
What's that?
Howard, you and I have been friends a long time.
And I don't know anybody else in this town.
So how about it?
What about what?
You wanna have a stag party?
No.
Would you be my best man?
You want me to be your best man?
Yeah.
I'll understand if you have any reservations about it.
Oh, no, no, Fred.
I'd be proud to be your best man.
You understand that you might be
the only white couple at the wedding?
Uh, the only ones?
Yeah, um, Carol's family
doesn't have many friends on this side of town.
But if it's going to make you uncomfortable,
I'll understand if you don't want to come.
Not come?! Why, don't be silly!
I'm looking forward to it.
In fact, I was just going upstairs to fix my dress.
Now we can get back to that cute nurse.
Would you like some more coffee?
Oh, I'll get it. You want a cup?
No, thanks. Help yourself.
Cream is in the refrigerator.
Oh, hello, Mrs. Finley.
Hello, Mr. Cunningham.
Uh, could I use your phone? I'm sorry to bother you.
But, uh I was talking to my mother last night,
and Mr. Finley ripped the phone right off the wall.
Help yourself.
Oh, I'll use the one in the kitchen.
Excuse me, Mr. Cunningham,
but, uh, I couldn't help noticing
that there's a a man in the kitchen.
Oh, yes, that's Fred. Would you like to meet him?
Meet him? Oh, I don't think that's
Fred, say hello to one of our neighbors, Mrs. Finley.
Oh, how do you do, Mrs. Finley?
Uh, h-how do you do?
Uh, I-I always contribute to African missions.
Oh. So do I.
Uh, Fred's marrying a hometown girl here
on Sunday.
Oh, th-that's nice.
Are you planning to live around here?
I haven't decided yet. Won't you sit down?
No, no, thank you.
But I did see a house on the block
that I might buy.
This block?
Well, isn't that nice? You'd be neighbors.
Oh neighbors.
Well, you wouldn't mind living on the same block
with a headshrinker, would you?
Are you a psychiatrist?
Oh, no. I collect heads and actually shrink them.
Uh, a craft handed down to me
by my great uncle - Nat King Conga.
Uh that's nice.
Well, I-I have to leave now.
Well, what about your phone call?
No, no, no, that's all right.
I-I'll write a letter.
That wasn't very nice of us.
It sure wasn't.
Let's do it again sometime.
You know, this is the fifth time
I've been asked to be a best man.
Maybe I should be on What's My Line?
I think it was nice of Fred to ask you.
Yeah? I think so, too.
I suppose, though, he has a point
that we might be conspicuous at the wedding.
Marion, you don't want us to go to the wedding, do you?
Oh, I didn't say that.
You didn't have to.
Your prejudice is coming through loud and clear.
Howard, I'm not prejudiced!
Am I prejudiced? It's hard to tell.
All that talk about feeling out of place,
that's just an excuse, Marion -
just an excuse for bigotry.
Now, let's face it -
you don't want us to go to the wedding
because we're white and they're black.
You've said enough, Howard. Good night.
Bet you wouldn't tell that pretty little nurse
that she's a bigot.
Marion, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.
You did.
But it was the truth.
I think I really am prejudiced.
Thank you, Howard.
Don't mention it.
Now let's get some sleep.
I'm going with Fred to discuss the wedding plans
at his father-in-law's office.
He needs my support.
What does his father-in-law do?
He's an undertaker.
Oh, I never met an undertaker.
Never met a Negro, never met an undertaker.
Howard, I've got to get out of the house more.
It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Cunningham.
Oh, you, too, Mr. Davis, and thank you.
OK, let's talk about
the wedding plans you've made.
Oh, uh, I'll wait in the other room.
That's the embalming room.
Then again, maybe I'll wait right here.
Oh, what a lovely ashtray.
That's Mr. Turner.
I've seen better ashtrays.
OK, Mr. Davis,
let's get down to the wedding plans.
Good idea, but first, he can't be the best man.
What do you got against Howard being the best man?
Nothing, really.
It's just he's not quite the color I had in mind.
I have nothing against white.
I treat everyone the same.
I'm glad to hear that.
And when they come to me, I don't look at the color.
I just put them in a box.
That is the American way.
Carol and I wanted a small wedding,
and you decided on a big church affair!
You even try to pick my best man!
Your wedding plans are canceled!
I'm taking over the arrangements!
You're not gonna have one of those cheap weddings?!
It's gonna be a nice wedding!
And I'm gonna do it my way!
Oh, well, goodbye, sir.
Y-You have a nice place here,
and I'm going to recommend it to my friends.
You missed a spot right there.
Yes.
Yes, I understand that.
Oh, no, no, I'll have to check a few other places
before I decide.
Yes. Goodbye.
How's it going?
I can't believe it!
I can't find anyplace to hold the wedding!
I mean, either all the halls are booked,
or it's out of my price range
or out of my race range.
There must be something we can do.
Joanie, would you please stop that?
We're trying to solve a problem.
OK.
Can I make a suggestion?
You could have the wedding right here in this house.
Here?
It's a terrific idea.
We could have it in the living room.
Here?
Ma could play the piano.
"Here Comes the Bride" is easy.
Have it here?
And for the reception,
I'll make some delicious cheese dips and hors d'oeuvres.
I read a marvelous recipe in a column
called "Favorite Recipes of Hollywood Wives."
Marion Elizabeth Taylor made it
for Eddie Fisher on their honeymoon.
Marion Or was it Debbie made it?
No, it was Liz.
Marion!
Yes, dear?
Marion, I appreciate your offer,
but think about what you're in for.
You're gonna have a house full of people - Negro people.
And I'd say that doesn't happen every day
in this neighborhood.
I'd say it doesn't happen every hundred years
in this part of town.
And you're gonna get funny looks from your neighbors,
and maybe more than just funny looks.
Besides, you've gotta live here, not me.
Will you give me that! I said no paddle ball.
We're having an important discussion.
Howard, would you run it through your head
and give me your answer in the morning? OK?
OK.
If your answer's no, believe me, I'll understand.
But please think about it first.
Dad Please, Richard, I'm thinking.
The next time you get up in the middle of the night,
will you please put the blankets back over me?
I'm sorry, Marion.
Oh, Howard, something's wrong.
Do you wanna tell me about it?
What makes you think something is wrong?
Well, for one thing, you're wearing my robe.
It was on my side of the bed.
So were the blankets.
Oh. You're right, Marion. Something is bothering me.
Having Fred's wedding here -
I'm just not so sure it'll work out.
Why do you say that?
I don't think I'm a bigot, Marion,
but our neighbors, they're different.
Like that Mrs. Finley.
Mrs. Finley is a pain in the b-e-h-i-n-d.
That's not how you spell it.
I know.
I don't think our neighbors are ready for this.
Well, I think we are.
Marion, don't you think it was guilt
that made you ask Fred to have the wedding here?
Well, maybe it was this time,
but next time, it won't be.
Oh, dear, what are you doing up?
I heard you down here.
Is there something wrong?
Your mother and I were having
a private talk. Go back to bed.
Your father thinks the neighbors
might object to our having this wedding.
Why don't you have a glass of milk, Richard?
The noise, the cars and all the people.
Nobody got upset when the Kendalls
had their tenth-anniversary party.
That was different.
Dad, I sure am glad
you're not gonna let our thick-headed
neighbors push you around.
Just because all the people are gonna be Negroes.
You are, huh?
I really am.
I wonder who that can be!
It's probably Potsie -
he always smells food coming from our kitchen.
Oh, Officer Kincaid!
All right, what's this all about?
I caught him prowling the neighborhood.
I was taking a walk.
And he told me he was staying here,
but I've heard that one before.
Your police force is on its toes.
It's more likely they've got their foot in their mouth
because he is staying here!
He is staying here? Well, I didn't know.
I mean, he's a stranger, you know what I mean?
Yeah, we all know what you mean.
He's not only a guest in our house,
but I am going to be the best man at his wedding,
and that wedding is going to take place
right here in this house!
Gee, I didn't know. Congratulations!
I love weddings!
Thanks, but this is just for our family.
You care to join us for a sandwich?
Oh, I never eat on duty. It dulls the senses.
Mm-hmm. Then you must have just had a big dinner.
Is that the last of them, Fonzie?
Yeah. I'll tell you, though,
whoever, uh, sits in this one
better have a good sense of balance,
or you're gonna have a, uh, a lawsuit on your hands.
Well, I was sorry to bother you on a weekend,
but you were the only guy I knew
who could get hold of a truck.
Hey, don't worry about it, huh?
My boss ain't gonna miss the truck a couple hours.
Well, listen, I appreciate it, anyway.
Yeah, it's all right.
But, uh, your father owes me five bucks
along with your appreciation, right?
Oh, right, of course.
So you're gonna have a bunch of black people in here, huh?
Well, Fonzie
I don't think that they like being called "black."
They're Negroes.
Hey, uh, I didn't mean anything by it, you know?
I mean, I'll take any guy, as long as he's cool.
I'd rather know a cool black guy
than an uncool white guy, and vice versa,
if you get my drift.
Yeah.
I gotta go.
OK. Thanks a lot, Fonzie.
Pardon me, I'm Reverend Dawson.
Hey, that's cool. I'm Fonzie. Later!
Is that a member of the wedding party?
Oh, no, sir.
Praise the Lord.
Oh, Howard, I think this wedding
has become the talk of the town.
Oh?
Mrs. Osgood from the church called,
said I should turn in my bingo card.
Oh, that's nothing, Marion.
John Kendall next door is putting
a "not for sale" sign in his yard.
Sarah told me her mother wouldn't let me play with her.
If that's the way her parents feel, you're better off.
Mom? Dad?
Oh, I hope I know how to play "The Wedding March."
Mom, it goes Hmm hmm hmm-hmm ♪
Excuse me. I think we're ready to start now.
Folks, I think we're ready to start the wedding now.
Are you feeling better?
Oh, yeah.
You're lying, aren't you?
Yeah.
If you don't stop shaking,
you're gonna wear that suit out from the inside.
You always did make jokes at times like this.
You're stalling, Fred. Now come on!
Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today
to unite this man and this woman
in the bonds of Excuse me!
What happened?!
Well maybe he thought it was a rehearsal.
Excuse me.
Marion, I'm going out to talk to Fred.
Will you try and keep these people entertained?
Daddy, why did he do that?
I knew he would run out on you,
but I thought he would wait until after the wedding!
Oh, Daddy Don't "Daddy" me!
Oh oh, sit down, everybody.
There's been a slight delay.
Now, for your listening enjoyment,
I'll play a few tunes.
Are there any requests? I know most of the Hit Parade.
Do you know any Count Basie?
Fred, this is no time to be shooting baskets!
Don't you realize there's a lovely girl waiting inside
while you're out here, working up a sweat?
Helps me to relieve the tension, Howard,
and right now, I am a very tense man!
You just got bachelor's cold feet.
Everybody gets it. Even Eskimos get cold feet!
It's not cold feet, Howard. It's more than that.
Well, what? It's too late to have a last fling,
if that's what you're thinking.
There are people waiting in there!
Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream
Row, row, row your boat Merrily, merrily, merrily
Gently down the stream Life is but a dream
Merrily, merrily, merrily Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream Life is but a dream
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
Life is but a dream ♪
He ain't no Mitch Miller, I'll tell you that.
And another thing -
I'm not too choked up about this chair.
Look at this.
All right, Fred, what's bothering you?
Is it your father-in-law?
No, it's not that.
It's the whole thing.
Gettin' married is hard.
What's hard about it?
You say "I do," and it's over.
Yeah. Then I got a wife.
And then, before you know it, I got kids.
You don't like kids?
I love kids.
That's why I don't want to go through with it.
This wedding has caused us nothing but trouble.
And why? Because you're white and I'm black.
Fred, you and I aren't getting married.
That's why I don't want to bring kids
in this world right now.
The fighting over this wedding has made me realize it.
"The smith, a mighty man is he,
"with large and sinewy hands.
"The muscles of his brawny arms
are stronger than iron bands"
They got to be kidding me!
Think I'll go back to France.
Things are different over there.
So that's the solution? Just run away?
Yeah.
Well, you can't.
Why not?
Because you love Carol, and she loves you,
and you should have kids,
and maybe the kids will change things.
Listen, Fred, when I was a kid in the '30s,
things were terrible.
Here it is, the '50s, and they're a little better.
Who knows what it's going to be like in the '60s?
Yeah, but it's hard.
Most things worthwhile are.
Come on.
Let's go get you married.
Oh, come on, Fred,
my family's not very talented.
They can't keep holding them together like that.
Come on.
I think we're losing 'em!
"If this is the white folk" idea of a wedding,
I'd hate to see their funerals.
Let's get out of here.
Honey! Honey! Honey!
Listen, I can explain.
No, I can't.
Just tell her that you love her
and you want to get married now!
Carol, uh, what he says.
Baby, please say "yes."
I do love you.
Grab the Reverend and let's do it.
Oh, Richard
This wedding will take place over my dead body!
Please, Mr. Davis - no shop talk.
Mr. Davis, please sit down.
Here's some cake.
Thank you, son. Oh, thank you.
Well, Fred, you've finally gone through with it.
Yep, thanks to you.
Well, I'm an expert on helping bachelors.
Thank you for the use of your home - for everything.
You know, that took a lot of guts.
Maybe we'll even be neighbors someday, huh?
Excuse me.
Fred, Aunt Nattie wants to meet you.
Mm! There she goes, sounding like a wife already! Excuse me.
You know, Dad,
I wouldn't mind him moving next door to me.
Richard, by the time you get married,
maybe he can.
Mr. Cunningham.
Mr. Davis!
I better go help serve some more cake.
How do you like the wedding so far?
Well, I can put up with my daughter marrying Fred,
and I can even put up with the wedding being held here,
but no way can I put up with that piano-playing.
May I?
Be my guest.
May I?
Oh, please do.
Look, play this like that
Hey, Marion, you're cookin'!
Oh, Howard! I'm cooking!
This is the last of 'em.
Let's get 'em on the truck.
Fonzie did you ever think about getting married?
Yeah, once for about a second and a half.
I figured I'd get hitched, have a couple kids
'cause, uh, we weren't gonna spend all our time talkin',
if you know what I mean.
I-I know what you mean.
You sure?
Oh, yeah, Fonz.
I mean, you're gonna have cousins and in-laws
and stuff - I mean, all those people.
I got nothin' against marriage,
but how am I gonna get 'em all on my bike?
Let's go before they're missed.
We're returning the chairs now.
I'll be back in a while.
Oh, Fonzie - your $5.
Hey! I knew you wouldn't forget.
Night.
Oh, Howard, it was a nice wedding.
And now the happy couple are off on their honeymoon.
Mm. Hey, Marion? You remember our wedding night?
Howard, we've been married 21 years.
You can stop apologizing.
Who said I was apologizing?
What are you doing?
I'm sending a piece of wedding cake
over to Mrs. Finley.
Wait a minute. Now send it.
Hello, sunshine goodbye, rain
She's wearin' my school ring on her chain
She's my steady, I'm her man
I'm gonna love her all I can
This day is ours Won't you be mine?
These happy days This day is ours
Oh, please be mine Oh, happy days
Happy days ♪