Leanne (2025) s01e14 Episode Script

1
I got my room assignment
at the farm.
I'm Bunk 11, Barn 4.
You're gonna be sharing a room
with ten other people?
You should talk.
You and 24 other sorority girls
all jammed into the Tri Delt house.
We were all on diet pills
and drank Tab. We fit fine.
- You want to hear about the collective?
- Sorry, go on.
We're up at 4:00, picking vegetables.
And then we wash them or something.
And then we sell them off a truck in town.
You won't help me in the garden,
but you'll go pick carrots
on some communist farm in California?
- I knew you wouldn't get it.
- I think what you're doing is cool.
Thank you.
I just don't understand why you need
to be roughing it in the wilderness.
She's 12 miles from SeaWorld.
Great, so there's sharks.
My flight's booked.
You better wrap your arms around this.
Collective vegetable farm.
That's just code for being in a teepee
on that ayahuasca.
I did that once.
Talked to a goat.
Had a revelation about you.
But let's stick to the topic.
What am I gonna do?
You're gonna let her go.
But California?
Ew.
Do they even have churches out there?
What's all this?
Josie's gonna need
some of my survival gear.
She'll be out in the middle of nowhere.
I mean, San Diego doesn't even have
a football team.
How did this happen?
Well, the NFL holds a gun to these
cities' heads for a new stadium
I'm talking about Josie, you dumb giraffe.
Well, you did smother her a bit.
Excuse me? This is my fault?
Come on, Leanne. She's 30 years old.
She still comes over to do her laundry
and steal toilet paper.
And at 35, we'll cut her off.
Are you kidding me? At her age,
we already had two babies and a mortgage.
And we lived happily ever after.
- Last time I checked, we both raised her.
- Where are you headed?
Going to lunch with Andrew.
That clown still in the picture?
He is. Are you still having a baby
with our dentist?
Enjoy your lunch.
Gotta warn you, FBI cafeteria food
is still just food sweating
under a hot orange light.
I'm loving this.
I've got my meat loaf, my carrots,
and I'll be swapping out my milk
for your pudding cup later.
This is a bit like high school.
- Do y'all have cliques?
- Sure.
Lab techs are the nerds.
Hostage Rescue, they're the jocks.
And Criminal Forensics, they're…
sort of our goth kids.
Where do you fit in?
I'm prom king 'cause I'm here
with the hot cheerleader.
Should we make out later
behind the bleachers?
We could,
but there are cameras everywhere.
Seriously, Madden?
This is where
you bring your girlfriend to lunch?
It was her idea.
Leanne, this is my partner, Gomez.
Nice to meet you.
You're Gomez?
Vanessa. Can I sit with you?
No, we're on a very romantic date.
It took me a year to get this reservation.
Don't be silly. Of course. Sit.
Well, thanks.
I dropped the Rodriguez file on your desk.
I'll get to it later.
So you're the Gomez
that was tied to Andrew
in the trunk of a Cadillac for 12 hours?
Face-to-face on a bumpy road.
Bleh. What a nightmare.
It will be from now on.
You should know,
this guy talks about you nonstop.
He does?
"Leanne's an amazing mother."
"Leanne loves dancing."
"Leanne threw the shot put
in tenth grade."
What an odd list.
I'm proud of you.
So what made you go into the FBI?
Were you discovered at the mall?
I got recruited at Princeton.
Mark your bingo cards, people.
We got Princeton in there nice and early.
I have a degree from UT in psychology.
- Are you a therapist?
- I'm a mother, so yeah.
Leanne's daughter's
about to move to California.
We know California.
You remember that case where we got stuck
in that hotel for two months?
This one with the 30-minute showers
and hogging all the towels.
I had to dry off by doing jumping jacks.
Where in California?
Um, San Diego.
She'll be fine.
I'm sure she's levelheaded.
It's just the wild ones
you have to worry about.
What?
You gonna eat that pickle?
So, do you have a husband? Kids?
- Husband?
- Nope. Just married to my work.
Longest relationship
I've ever had is with this guy.
Ten years?
Eleven!
He always forgets our anniversary.
Are we out of white wine?
Gomez is a woman!
No!
Who's Gomez?
Andrew's partner. She's gorgeous.
It's like Sofía Vergara and Salma Hayek
had a baby together
and it grew up to be
a really sexy Penélope Cruz!
Hold on. Picturing. Picturing.
My God.
She rolls her R's
like a kitten curling up in your lap.
There's no sexier accent,
except maybe Irish.
Ooh, I just hear that brogue,
immediately it's pants off.
Remember that story where he was carrying
his partner ten miles out of that canyon
because of the snake bite?
I was picturing something
like Saving Private Ryan,
not Fifty Shades of Gomez!
Calm down.
He would have done the same for you.
How? With a helicopter and a cot?
When I left him, he was gonna
meet her for squats and a swim.
Any chance you're making more out of this
because you're so wound up about Josie?
Josie's gonna die in San Diego.
You could see it in their eyes.
You are exactly
where you're supposed to be.
You are perfect in every way.
The light in you
radiates with everyone you meet.
Hey, you. How are we doing?
Better.
Bubble bath help?
Tea and meditation?
Yup. Apparently,
I'm the light that radiates.
Good.
- I was acting crazy.
- A little bit.
And why? She's pretty. Big whoop.
Exactly.
At least she was nice.
Would have been worse
if she was a butthole.
Nothing worse than a gorgeous butthole.
They're partners. That's all.
Right. It's not like they're lifeguards
and she's emerging from the ocean all wet,
the sun glistening
off her perfectly tanned skin.
She's not a lifeguard, is all I'm saying.
You googled her, didn't you?
I had to see
if a sexier Penélope Cruz existed.
It does.
- Am I in trouble?
- No!
I've seen the way
Andrew looks at you. He's locked in.
Thank you. I needed that.
What picture did you see?
Her cadet photo.
She makes standing in front of a flag
in a polyester suit look like porn.
Andrew and I have a date tomorrow.
I don't know how I'm gonna act around him.
Hey, you are gonna channel
your Miss Knoxville pageant days.
Remember the four C's?
Cool, confident, composed…
and cutlets in my bra.
I bet they don't teach that one
at Princeton.
Okay.
A few ground rules before our first movie.
I'm a popcorn hog.
I point out the exits. There and there.
And I have a nervous tick.
I laugh at the sad parts.
I wish I'd known before I picked a movie
about a man whose dog gets cancer.
You see? We're gonna get some dirty looks.
So it was nice having lunch the other day
and getting to see the cafeteria.
If that impressed you, there's an Ikea
in Nashville that you're gonna love.
I also enjoyed
getting to meet Agent Gomez.
She gave you a big thumbs up.
Said I finally found a girlfriend
who isn't crazy.
Yeah, that's me.
Just curious, why didn't you ever mention
that your partner was a woman?
I thought I did. Does it matter?
No. It's cool. I'm cool.
It's just y'all spend a lot of time
together in very interesting situations.
- You're not jealous.
- Of course not.
Well, good, because next week we're
going undercover as a married couple.
- What?
- It's work. We've done it a million times.
You're gonna be doing jumping jacks
in a hotel room again?
You are jealous.
Put yourself in my shoes.
If I was working with a hunky,
shirtless guy…
Shirtless? Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
Our relationship is purely professional.
You're telling me when you first met
there wasn't a little something-something?
I was her supervisor.
But you're still a man.
My God.
Do I need to take a lie detector test?
Would you?
I can't believe you don't trust me.
I take my work very seriously.
And I'm insulted that you think
just because I'm a man
and she's an attractive woman
that I can't see her
for the excellent partner that she is.
Now, are we gonna sit back
and watch this dog die or what?
So right now
your boyfriend's at a stakeout
pretending to be married to another woman?
Andrew's just doing his job.
And you're okay with it?
I am.
I trust him.
Well, you trusted Bill,
and look what happened.
- Becca!
- Well, I'm just saying.
Men can be pigs.
Nuh. My Jerry
never looked at another woman.
Fine. I get that you trust him,
but what about Agent Hot Cha-Cha?
Nothing more attractive
than an unavailable man.
You'd know. You stole every one
of my boyfriends in high school.
Even Randy wasn't safe,
and he had teeth like a walrus.
That's what I'm saying.
I understand the mind of a hot woman.
We want it all.
Even if we don't want it,
we still think it should be ours.
You should really come back
to my Bible study group.
- Did you make it coed yet?
- No.
Pass.
Can't we all just talk
about something else?
How's Josie? She still joining that cult?
Don't let Becca get in your head.
What if she's right?
What if Andrew's cheating on me?
I don't think that's happening.
I can't be made a fool again.
I've never seen you jealous before,
and I gotta be honest.
It is super unattractive.
Great, now I'm losing
the personality war too.
That's all I had left.
I mean, I'm the one who was
always obsessive, doing drive-bys,
stalking the boys until their parents
would call Mama and Daddy
and force one of us to change schools.
Well, if I knew where this stakeout was,
I'd go full Carol
and stake them out right now.
Aw.
I think you're falling in love.
You take that back.
I know this wasn't the plan,
but that's what all this looks like.
Wrong. What I have with Andrew is fun.
I'm just having fun.
Yeah. You've been a real hoot lately.
Shouldn't Josie be here by now?
Yup. I hope it's a sign
she's decided to bail on the whole idea.
That would be on brand.
First time I'm rooting for her to fail.
That's not true.
Remember when she made her own deodorant?
That was the worst Thanksgiving.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Josie not here yet?
- No.
- Think she's bailing?
- Fingers crossed.
We just did this.
Call me when she gets here
so I can say goodbye.
So…
So.
Sort of glad we, have a minute alone.
I was thinking about the other day
and what I said.
I shouldn't have blamed you
for Josie leaving. I'm sorry.
Well, I appreciate that, but I'm sure
I've done my fair share of smothering.
Yeah, but I'm the reason
she's soured on marriage and family
and wants to get out of Knoxville.
I'd love to blame you,
but we both know Josie's never
been a fan of anything traditional.
Well, didn't help
that I blew up our lives.
I mean, it changes a person.
It certainly changed me.
Well, I don't know.
You and Mr. Wonderful
seem to be doing fine.
Actually, we're not.
I've been all spun out,
and he didn't even do anything wrong.
But I'm afraid he will because you did.
I don't know what to say.
I've never been a jealous
or distrustful person
until you cheated on me.
I hate being like this.
I'm so sorry, Leanne, but…
please don't let the worst mistake
I ever made change you.
Next to losing you,
that'd be the biggest regret in my life.
I know. I'm late.
Couldn't find my passport.
California's in America.
For now.
Don't forget,
text me when you get to the gate.
Text me when you get to the plane.
Text me when you take off.
Text me when you land.
Text me when you get in your Uber.
And text me when you arrive at the farm.
Guys, I'm gonna be fine.
This is a good thing.
I know. I just remember carrying you
in one arm like a football.
We love you so much.
Love you too.
Get ready to have a whole lot
of fresh radishes coming your way.
Dad, I don't know where you live,
so I'll send it to Mom's.
Great, another excuse for him to stop by.
Thank you.
All right, I gotta go.
Last hugs. No tears.
- All right, you be safe.
- Aw.
- I love you.
- I love you, baby.
Bye.
Whoo!
She's really doing it.
- You know what? I'm proud of her.
- Me too.
She's going the wrong way.
Gate 11! Gate 11!
She thinks you're waving.
Gate 11!
Wanna go cry in the car?
Yeah, let's go cry in the car.
When I said I'd take a lie detector test,
I thought it might be something fun
we could do alone.
Maybe with strawberries and whipped cream.
He is telling the truth.
Is my husband in heaven?
It's not a Ouija board, Mary.
Am I the prettiest girl in this room?
No!
And I'm telling the truth.
Let me handle this.
Agent Andrew, do you have a girlfriend?
Yes.
He is telling the truth.
And is her name Leanne?
Yes.
And do you love her?
Mary!
Yes.
He is telling the truth.
Everyone get out!