Level Up (2012) s01e14 Episode Script

[laughter]
And that is how you
mine for gold, Wizza.
Woo! Got the ore carts
filled, Black Death.
You know, we probably have
enough to purchase
those goggles
that were a little, uh
Us to see, procure,
and drink from the
[together]
Holy Grail of Blinding.
Oh, yeah.
Um, Sir Bickle?
[lounge]
Sir Bickle?
Paging Sir Bickle.
What? Are we done getting
the boring things
to put in the boring thing
to take to boring town?
Look, mining for gold
is a little boring.
But it is an
important side quest.
You know what?
Sometimes, this game
is just too much
like my mom.
Full of chores.
I just don't get what having
to help a guy gather ten frogs
has to do with me using
Skull Cracker to bash stuff.
I mean, seriously,
do you even know
how long it takes to get
to these frogs?
I got to take a Pegasus
over the Spongy Mountains.
Yeah, well life's not
all fun and games.
Except for the parts of life
where we are playing a game,
which is
what we're doing right now.
Huzzah!
Ladies dance salute!
[rap]
- [vocalizing]
- [exhales]
All right.
Good work, muchachos.
We have leveled up.
No, you just watched
Wyatt and me level up.
Jealous?
You have a ton of side quests
you have to finish before
you can join us on the Tame the
Night Stalking Serpent Mission.
Yeah, that doesn't sound
that exciting.
Taming a giant snake?
- Who breathes fire.
- Whatever.
And whose venom, they say,
tastes like root beer
- but kills instantly.
- Man!
That does sound exciting.
Once we tame
the giant snake,
it will willing give us
its molted skin,
which we can wear to wade
through the toxic swamp.
Hey, guys.
You were right.
Side quests are important,
and so is taming soda snakes.
So, after some
real soul searching,
I decided to let you
sign on as Sir Bickle,
and do my side quest for me.
- You're welcome.
- Nu-uh.
We've been telling you
if you keep slacking
on side quests,
this would happen.
I don't have time for them.
I have a bunch of IRL quests
to prepare for the school
ski trip.
There's no way you're going
on that ski trip, Dante.
I bet you haven't sold one of
the 100 candy bars you need
to go on this trip.
I've eaten one.
And I plan on eating another one
later, so that's two.
You can't eat 98 more candy bars
between now and Friday,
let alone pay for them.
Wait, we have to pay for them?
Oh, man.
Where am I going to get
the money for two candy bars?
I, on the other hand,
have sold
five times the amount
of candy bars required.
At this time tomorrow
at the school assembly,
I will be awarded
the fundraiser Buddy
Of the Year certificate.
IRL achievement.
Cha-ching.
I really hope that's not the
only reason for that assembly,
because if it is,
people are going
to boo you.
Man, I can't believe
they booed me.
And why are you even going?
You don't do the Alpine thing.
No, no, I will.
I've been reading a lot on
angular velocities and
snow.
I am ready
to take the plunge.
You are ready for
a face full of slope.
But if you want me
to teach you, just ask me.
You know I'm an amazing
snowboarder, right?
Yeah, I think
I'm gonna start with skis
because there's two of them,
and let me tell you,
there is safety in numbers.
That makes perfect,
if totally weird,
Wyatt sense.
No.
I'll teach you old school,
and in return you can
owe me a future favor.
- A future favor?
- Yes.
I do this for you,
and at some point in the future,
I will come to you and ask you
to do something for me
and you will do
this something
no questions asked.
So I get what
a future favor is,
but why are you being
all Voldermort-y?
There're only $4 apiece.
I'm your son.
Don't you love me
$400 worth, Barbara?
A mother's love
is priceless, Dante.
Well, I'm comfortable
putting a price tag on love.
[whispering]
$400.
Yeah, well I can't
give you the money.
I'm saving it to pay for
the removal of the tattoo
that I'm sure you're gonna
get if I turn my back
for just one second.
So I canget a tattoo.
No, you are not tricking me into
having the tattoo conversation.
Dante, if you want
to go on this ski trip,
you need to earn the money,
and stop relying on other people
to do all of your work,
so that you can have
all the fun.
You're like Wyatt,
but with way more lipstick.
I want a new mom.
[both gasp]
You know, Dante,
even if you sold
those candy bars,
I'd only let you go
if you finish
the list of chores that
you have been avoiding.
I don't remember a list.
I don't shut that a lot.
- It's also on the fridge.
- I eat out.
And the bottom
of that skateboard.
Sneaky, Barbara, sneaky.
That's right, Dante.
You think you made up sneaky?
Come on, you're my son.
And, number one on this hit
parade is you getting rid
of the tether ball pole
in the back yard.
I'll totally use that again,
once I get a new tether ball.
I buy you another tether ball,
you're just gonna
pop it, put it on your head
and then pretend you're
Amelia Earhart all over again.
[sighs]
Number two, make a bed.
Hmm, great.
[phone rings]
Nice, nice, once more.
See if you can scramble
your face a bit.
Ah, sick!
I totally got it.
Uh, so sick.
[groans]
My, you're a tall one.
Yep.
Been able to go on any ride in
any theme park since about
nine months ago.
Pretty proud of it.
[laughs]
You are as funny
as you are tall.
I am Sir GuyWhoGathersFrogs
from the New Newport Realm.
New Newport?
You do not want to know what
happened to Old Newport.
Blood fires.
Sounds like a bad time,
but a cool band name.
- Blood fires.
- I am in search of the great
and noble Sir Bickle.
He and I are going to gather
frogs so I can level up.
Wow! Oh!
You're not a freak.
You're a leak.
No, I don't have to go.
I went along the way.
Yep, he's a leak.
Here's what I figured out.
He is part of one
of your side quests.
What are we gonna do
about it?
We are not going
to do anything.
The guy leaked out
because you didn't want
to do the boring stuff,
remember?
- He's your responsibility.
- Hey!
I have an idea.
How about I do nothing.
What's the worse
that could happen?
Well, unless you help him
finish his quest, so he can
level up
an NPC in a sailor suit
will be following you around
- for the rest of your life.
- Awesome.
My, you're a tall one.
This is a total rip.
I gotta help that guy level up
all by myself so--
Why do I need
to help you level up?
Oh, I have to battle the Elite
Five-Armed Blood Marauder.
- He's very tall.
- You think everyone's tall.
He is tall.
And he has five arms.
I have to defeat him
to save my village.
[phone rings]
Sorry, gotta jet.
There's a potential injury
that needs to be filmed.
You guys are my clan.
I'm sure you'll come
through for me.
See ya!
No, you can't ditch us
with your problems.
Relax. Watch.
I have to go. I think
Sir Bickle and I are
gathering frogs.
Give Sir Bickle this
when you see him.
Thank you.
Nice.
Okay, let's talk about
this Barney-the-Dinosaur
sleeping bag you're wearing.
[whistle blows]
All right, Wyatt, let's do this.
Wow, that is a lot of purple.
Man, I really
trusted that salesgirl.
- Uh-huh.
- Hold up, Angie.
Are you teaching him
how to ski?
Yes. I'm doing it
for a future favor.
A future favor?
I never thought you'd have
the jewels to owe Angie.
Is a future favor a lot
different than a regular favor?
Enough chit-chat.
Let's warm it up.
Okay.
What are you doing?
- Warming up.
- Not like that, like this.
Run down to the coffee corner,
get me one of those
amazing maple scones,
and a mint herbal tea,
take the lid off,
run back here without
spilling anything.
What does that have
to do with skiing?
Well, running with the maple
scone will give you the smell
of the trees,
and the steam from the hot tea
will kind of be like trying
to ski through snowfall.
- Got it.
- Go!
Where were you with the camera,
dude? I totally nailed it.
You stuck that 180
to tail slide in the bowl?
No, I nailed
my face on the bowl.
- Right.
- You used to be there
for all my big injuries.
I don't even know you anymore.
[groaning]
Did you get that?
[moans]
Man, it's not my day.
But now it's all better.
You seem upset.
You know what always
makes me feel better?
Collecting frogs.
Let's go, shall we?
Look, I know you have
to collect frogs.
I get that. It's your name.
It's what you do.
But I have my
own problems, Sir Guy.
I can see that.
These are a lot of quests.
"Make bed"?
First we have to find
and fell a tree for wood
to make the bed frame,
then you have
to find way more
geese than you would think
for feathers in the mattress.
Is this your quest list?
No.
It's your quest list.
Mine?
I don't recall having to do
anything except for
What was it again?
I've forgotten.
Just kidding,
I haven't forgotten.
- Gather frogs!
- No, no, no.
You see,
the people of New Newport
sent me this list
with additional quests for you
to do in order to level up.
Ohhh
Oh, like you're totally
understanding these to be true?
Or, oh, like I'll need to say
other things to convince you?
My, you're a tall one.
Stop right there, pal.
I'm not buying anything,
I'm not signing anything.
I'm not supporting any causes.
It's just, um
My friend, Sir Bickle,
and I are going to gather frogs.
Oh. So you are guys are
trying to raise money
for, like,
a summer camp thing.
Some of my happiest moments
were at Camp Weemawan.
I'll take four.
Thank you.
Uh, are you sure this
hastily-constructed
ski trainer is safe?
It will be, once I finish
this spell of construct.
Alan Richards Orvis.
Woo!
Um, it's perfectly safe.
The directions say you
gotta use a safety strap.
So why don't you jump on the
treadmill, just make sure
you put it on your wrist.
As long as you say it's safe,
I am sure that it is safe.
Wyatt, you just have to take
a deep breath and say--
[inhales]
I am part of this mountain.
[inhales]
I am a part of this mountain
that is not actually
a mountain.
It is wood and a treadmill,
and it could kill me.
[groans]
And go.
Seriously, go.
Why aren't my legs moving?
All right, look Wyatt.
This is simple.
Watch.
Sure, the varsity QB can do it.
Wyatt, our problem is
that you think too much.
Um, that's it.
You just have to do.
See? Nobody got hurt.
Man, you were good at selling
ski candy on Wednesday.
And you were great at changing
those light bulbs.
And you are most awesome
at digging.
You're like--
You're like a mole.
Are you sure there are frogs
under here?
You never know.
There might be.
We should hurry up with that.
I've got a ski bus to catch.
Ski bus.
What sort of trap do you need
for a ski bus?
- Dante!
- Oh, my!
That sounds like
an angry tall one.
No, it's my mom.
[gasps]
Check it.
I just saw that
we got another task.
"To not be seen by thy lady."
Right. Um
Ooh!
Yeah. No.
- No?
- No.
I was just inside,
and do you know what I saw?
A made bed,
the bathroom light works,
and there was
an empty dishwasher.
I thought I was
in the wrong house.
Yep, it's all done.
I did it.
Totally done by me.
All of it.
I also sold all my ski candy.
[gasps]
See, Dante,
I knew I was right
in giving you just
a little tough love.
Okay, you have fun
on the ski trip.
- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
- You.
- [laughs]
- You.
- [both laugh]
Okay, we really should be
getting back
to finding those frogs
under this pole.
You know what?
Turns out I misread the list.
And you can are
totally done, dude.
Nice.
Time to catch my bus.
Really?
I feel like I want
to find those frogs.
Nope, all that stuff you did
helped you level up
so you don't need
to gather any frogs.
[celebratory singing]
Huzzah!
And now you can go home.
Thank you, Sir Bickle
for aiding me
in my side quests.
- [blows tone]
- Uh, what's that?
It's that like a party horn
or something?
Oh, it will be a party.
A party of pain.
Because you helped me level up,
now I can defeat the Elite
Five-Armed Blood Marauder.
[growls]
That's a well-named thing.
How do you feel
about some more hiding?
All right, Wyatt, you're up.
You can do it.
It's now or never.
Bus loads in an hour,
no pressure.
He's lucky it's not
duck hunting season.
Why aren't they
answering their texts?
Sir Bickle, you keep
yelling at that box.
Do you have tiny
little friends inside?
No, well, yes, sort of.
Look, I've got to tell you
something.
Can it be after we defeat
the Five-Armed Blood Marauder?
'Cause now I've leveled up
and can defeat him,
instead of run from him.
So
what happens if
by chance
you don't defeat him?
Oh. Ah, well,
then he destroys me.
And that's when
the Blood Fires start.
Okay, uh, here's a plan--
more a wild,
panicky idea, really.
You go out there
and grab that sword
tether pole thing
- from its stone.
- [gasps]
Like the legendary sword
in the stone.
- Yes.
- Is this the magical weapon
I need, Sir Bickle?
It couldn't hurt.
And I'll distract him
while you do that.
[shouts]
Serpentine!
Serpentine!
[straining]
Serpentine.
All right, take the stone
with the sword.
That works too.
[shouts]
His arms are
like lizard tails.
- That's why he has so many.
- Oh.
[shouts]
Hey!
Well, I guess that's that.
Good luck with everything.
I've got a ski trip
to pack for.
And you've got a new
Newport to get back to.
My work has just begun,
Sir Bickle the Brave.
I have 29 more
Blood Marauders to defeat.
- [sighs]
- What?
29 more of those guys?
We got lucky once.
But you'll--
You'll be toast for sure
if you have to fight
29 more Five-Armed Marauders.
29 times five arms is
It's a buttload of arms.
Relax, Sir Bickle.
Now that I've leveled up,
I'll be fine.
- [blows]
- Dude--
Confession time.
You might not have exactly
leveled up.
But I-I-I
I did everything
on the quest list.
Yeah.
You did the stuff
I needed doing,
not the stuff
you needed doing.
The frogs.
Yeah. We need
to find you 10 frogs.
What?
What do you mean,
you're sold out of frogs?
It's dissection season
at school.
What can I do?
You can't make frogs
out of nothing.
All I have to do is
conquer my fear of starting.
Here I go.
This is it.
Nothing is stopping me now.
[sighs]
You know what?
He's not going to do it.
Let's just put
this stuff back.
Tulta Munille!
Ahh!
[frogs croaking]
A little help, Sir Guy.
Those are frogs?
They look a little
slimy and sort of jumpy.
Yes, what did you
think they would be?
I don't know.
I guess I thought
they'd be
a little bigger, or
more like a monster.
[frog croaks]
You have my thanks.
For what?
Making you do my chores?
For finally telling the truth.
And for giving up
your bus safari.
I'm sure that bus would have
been delicious.
I thank you, and my village
thanks you.
Okay.
There you go.
Ten frogs.
[loud explosion]
Woo!
Hey, I feel bigger.
Bolder.
Stronger.
Huzzah!
Yeah! Huzzah!
You leveled up.
For real.
[loud explosion]
Now get in there and blow
your horn, jazz man.
Go kick some
Blood Marauder butt.
Farewell,
Sir Bickle the Liar.
Sir Bickle the Liar.
Well, I guess that's fair.
I would have gone
with Sir Bickle Who
Eventually Told the Truth!
Hey.
Heard what happened
to your ankle.
I can't believe Wyatt
and Lyle left without me.
It's a ski trip.
I'd ditch them
if they broke their ankles.
That's what guys do.
We're loyal till the second
something better comes around.
Guys are dumb.
I'm not as dumb as the guy
who owes you a future favor.
Yeah, Wyatt owes me big time.
So I heard about what happened
to you and your friend.
- Sir Guy.
- Whatever.
Saved a village
from destruction,
gathered some frogs,
missed a ski trip.
Did you know
you can eat a bus?
Dante, you followed
through and something,
even though it wasn't fun.
That means you gained
some valuable experience.
And in my mind, you, uh
Da-da-da-da!
Huzzah!
You leveled up! Huh?
Huh? Pretty good, right?
I kept the cannon
hidden in here,
and you didn't
even know, did you?
- Girls are dumb.
- Yeah.
Now, I can't walk,
so you need to go get me
a maple scone.