Petticoat Junction (1963) s01e14 Episode Script
Cannonball Christmas
1
Come ride the little train ♪
That is rollin' down the tracks to the Junction ♪
Forget about your cares ♪
It is time to relax at the Junction ♪
Lots of curves, you bet ♪
And even more when you get ♪
To the Junction ♪
Petticoat Junction ♪
There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪
Petticoat Junction ♪
It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪
Petticoat Junction ♪
And that's Uncle Joe, he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪
At the Junction ♪
Petticoat Junction! ♪
Billie?
Billie Jo,
would you step out here a minute?
What do you want, Herby?
Look up there, Billie, it's mistletoe.
Billie Jo, I need you.
All right, Herby, what'd you do this time?
I got kissed.
Well, it sure was a noisy one.
Billie Jo.
It's Christmas, Mom.
Oh, all right.
Starting getting our Christmas stuff
together in the back room.
Floyd and Charley will be along any minute now. Okay.
I'll help you, Billie Jo.
Oh, that kid.
Stealing a kiss right out here in the store.
Oh, Sam, it's Christmas.
Remember when you were a boy?
Yeah.
Yeah, I ain't a boy any longer, Kate,
but if I understand this custom
of kissing under the mistletoe,
uh, there ain't any particular age limit
on who can and who Sam
you talk too much.
What happened, Mr. Drucker?
I got kissed.
All right, kids, all three of you,
we got a lot of work to do before dark.
Boy, I'll say we have.
We got Christmas baskets to pack
and presents to wrap and carols to rehearse.
And a tree to cut and lights to string.
And a sleigh and reindeer to touch up.
And the whole Hooterville Cannonball to decorate.
I could use a little more pressure, Floyd.
Coming right up.
Will you stop burning the ties
from under this track?
I only burn the loose ones, Charley.
If you keeping taking up the ties,
what's gonna hold the rails down?
Well, the train's pretty heavy, even without you.
I'll tell you where there's some ties loose: In your head.
Oh, I'm just spoofing, Charley.
I don't take up enough to hurt anything.
You've been a-sayin' that for years.
One of these days, we're gonna find ourselves out there
plowing up them fields with our cowcatcher.
Gee whiz, Charley, don't be yelling at me
so close to Christmas.
Oh, I'm sorry, Floyd, but you gotta admit
that Christmas Eve would be a mighty poor time
for the Cannonball to run off the track,
all decorated up and carrying a trainload
of carol singers and presents and all.
Speaking of presents, what do you got over there
in that big package with my name on it?
That's a rubber crowbar,
so as you can't pry up no more loose ties.
Now, throw some wood on that fire
and let's highball it.
Why, we might even be on time today.
Well, Mr. Curtis, what about it?
An inspection trip at Christmastime?
I'd be glad to work on Christmas,
New Year's, any day
if it's for the good of the C. & F.W. Railroad.
Oh, now, look, Bedloe, I realize you're trying
to regain your position as vice president,
but nobody expects you to work at Christmas.
That's just it.
They won't be expecting it.
But who is "they"?
Do you know of some particular violation
of C. & F.W. rules?
Yes, I do,
and I understand it goes on every year at this time.
Well, who is it?
What is it? Where?
Now, Mr. Curtis, uh, I think in all fairness
I shouldn't name names or places
until I make an on the spot personal inspection.
Well, speaking as president of the railroad,
I have got to admire your devotion to the company,
but speaking personally, I think you're a nut.
Thank you, sir.
Oh, that report will be on your desk
the day after Christmas.
Would you please come in, Miss Evans?
Merry Christmas, Miss Evans.
Mr. Curtis, did I actually see a smile and
and hear a "Merry Christmas" from old Scrooge
I mean, Mr. Bedloe?
You did.
And Heaven help Bob Cratchit and Tiny Tim,
whoever they may be.
Hi, Sam.
Hi, Sam.
Hey, fellas, where's the rest of the train?
Hey, Charley, we lost the coach.
I can see that, Floyd.
Did you fix that coupler like I told you?
Let's see now, did I or didn't I?
Let me think.
Just back up and get the coach.
We gotta decorate this whole train before dark.
Wait a minute, it's coming back to me.
Yeah, I didn't fix it.
How come the air brakes didn't stop us
if you connected the air hose?
Let's see now, did I or didn't I?
You didn't.
Yeah, I didn't.
Well, you kept hurrying me, Charley.
Fellas, please
back this thing up and get the coach!
Calm down, Sam, we're backing.
Where's the train going?
Oh, Floyd forgot to fix the coupler
and connect the air hose,
and they lost the coach.
Poor Floyd.
He always gets so excited around Christmas.
Slow her down, Charley, we're almost to it.
I can see it, too, smoke head.
Okay, Floyd, hook up the air hose.
Let's get back to Sam.
Hurry up, Floyd!
Why'd you do that, Charley?
I'm trying to break you of burning railroad ties.
That one was just layin' there
begging to be burned.
Well, it's like any other habit, Floyd
If you're gonna break it,
you got to go cold turkey, no tapering off.
Gee, Charley, sometimes you
treat me like a six-year-old child.
Sometimes you act like a six-year-old child.
Which just shows you can be intelligent when you try.
Mister, if you're looking for the Cannonball,
you missed it.
It was due through here two or three hours ago.
Don't tell me it runs on schedule now.
Well, it does today.
You see, the boys have got to get the train out
to the Shady Rest so Kate and the girls
can decorate it tonight for
Well, I'll be doggone.
This is the first time in 14 years
it's been late on Christmas Eve.
And it'll be the last.
Hey, Charley, that looked like Mr. Bedloe
back at the station.
What would he be doing here Christmas Eve?
Maybe he brought us a present.
Floyd, you are really in bad shape today.
I thought they'd never get back.
Hurry up, everybody.
You go ahead, I'll lock up. Okay.
Mister, unless you like pumping a handcar,
you better start running for that train.
I don't like pumping and I don't like running.
What about your taxi?
Well, it can't run on the railroad track,
and that's the only road.
Now, the handcar's right over there.
I'm not pumping any handcar!
Hey, wait!
Hold wait a minute!
Stop the train!
Hey, wait!
There you are, Mister.
Have a nice trip.
And a merry Christmas.
Bah humbug!
Come on, Floyd, hurry up.
Let's get the decorations out of here.
Billie Jo, you go on up and tell your sisters
and Uncle Joe to get down here on the double and help us.
All right, Mom.
I'll go help her tell 'em.
Hurry up, Floyd. It's gonna get dark on us.
Now, Sam, don't you start yelling at me
like Charley's been doing.
It makes me nervous and I forget things.
All right, Floyd. Open the door.
Charley yelling at me It made me forget
to fix the coupling,
made me forget to connect the air hose
Floyd, nobody's yelling.
Made me forget something else, too.
Now I forget what it is.
Doggone it.
Now I remember.
It sounds like a cow's in there.
Yeah, I was supposed to leave it off at Lon Hawker's place.
Christmas present for his wife.
Floyd Smoot, we was supposed to deliver that cow someplace.
Now where?
You're yellin' at me again, Charley.
Now I forget.
Lon Hawker's place.
That's right, Floyd.
See?
"To Ludie with love from Lon.
Here's wishing you a white Christmas."
White Christmas milk, get it?
Floyd, you are the dumbest ash cat that ever shook a grate.
I ain't an ash cat now, Charley.
I'm a baggage wrestler.
Well, wrestle that cow out of the way,
and give us the decorations.
Charley, hadn't we ought to take this cow
back over to Lon's place?
We ain't got time now!
Charley, please don't yell at him.
He'll forget where he put the decorations.
Floyd, would you please start handing things out to us?
You bet.
But Charley and Sam will have to help you with this cow.
Not the cow, Floyd!
I don't know where Uncle Joe disappeared to.
Maybe Betty will find him upstairs.
Oh, Herby, will you put these under the tree for us?
We've got to find Uncle Joe.
Uh, Billie, look up there.
It's Christmas.
Again?
No, it's still the same Christmas,
just different mistletoe.
Hey, Betty, did you find Uncle Joe?
Not yet, Bobbie.
Well, he knows there's work to do.
Look under the bed.
That's the first place I looked.
How about the linen closet?
Not there.
Well, tell her to try the attic.
Try the attic.
Will do.
Hey, where have you kids been?
Looking for you. Where have you been?
I been trying to find the upper half
of this Santa Claus outfit.
Did you get the train all decorated?
No, we haven't even started.
Maybe I better go back and look some more.
Uncle Joe.
Mom wants you.
Down at the train.
There's work to do. It's getting late.
I've got a lot of work to do on this beard.
It's in bad shape.
But Mr. Drucker got a brand-new one.
Meddler.
Betty, we found him.
Come on down to the train.
Okay.
We'll see you down at the train, Mr. Carson.
Okay, I'll be there right away.
Where did Floyd put the lightbulbs?
No telling, Kate.
You'll find him round back of the train.
Oh, thanks, Charley.
Floyd Smoot, we got a train to decorate
and Christmas carols to rehearse,
and here you sit milking a cow.
She needed milking, Kate.
You wouldn't want her bawling
right in the middle of "Silent Night."
We're not gonna take her
along on the train when we go caroling.
I don't see any other way
to get her over to Lon Hawker's place
in time for Christmas.
Well, all right.
Finish up as quick as you can.
Hey, Sam, I hear you got me a new Santa Clause beard.
Yeah.
What do you mean, you? I'm Santa Claus this year.
You was Santa Claus last year.
I was not. Floyd was.
Well, what about the year before?
That was Pixley Fats.
See? It's my turn this year.
Well, you can forget it.
I got the suit.
Not the top half, you ain't.
So you're the one that hid that.
I didn't hide it.
I took it home to have my landlady let it out to fit me.
Yeah, well, hand it over.
I got to get dressed.
Where's my beard, Sam?
I gave it to Kate.
Kate! Kate!
Oh, please, fellows,
don't make a big thing about who plays Santa Claus.
We haven't got time!
What is it?
Kate, who's gonna be Santa Claus,
me or this greasy hoghead?
Uncle Joe, don't call Charley that.
Oh, that's just railroad talk for "engineer."
I don't care. I don't like it.
All right, who's gonna be Santa Claus,
me or this greasy pighead?
Joe
Kate, if you let me be Santa Claus, I'll promise you
a big fat gobbler for Christmas dinner.
You're always here for Christmas dinner.
Anybody care for some fresh milk?
Uncle Joe, take this up and put it in the icebox.
We'll decide about Santa Claus later.
You decide all you want, but I'm it.
You got the padding for it, but it's on the wrong side.
Yes, boys, let's get busy stringing
up these lights on the train, huh?
Where are the bulbs, Floyd?
They're in the baggage car.
See? When you don't yell at me, I can remember.
Mom! Mom!
Betty Jo, you be careful up there.
There's someone coming on a handcar from Hooterville.
Handcar? Who is it?
I can't tell for sure.
It looks like Mr. Bedloe.
Kate, Kate, look who's pumping up the track
to spend Christmas with us.
My ol' buddy Homer Bedloe.
You see, Charley, that was Mr. Bedloe
we passed up at the Hooterville station.
Oh, fine.
With that and pumping 20 miles on a handcar,
he's gonna be in a jolly mood.
Just leave him to me.
I don't need no help to handle Bedloe.
Hey, what do you think you're doing to the property
of the C. & F.W. Railroad?
We're decorating it for the annual Christmas carol sing,
Mr. Bedloe.
We go all the way across the valley
singing and distributing gifts and baskets of food.
It's a tradition, Mr. Bedloe.
It was a tradition.
Now start taking down those lights.
Why?
Violation of the C. & F.W. rules and regulations.
Well, how's ol' Homer Bedloe?
Still looking for a way to get even with us
for outsmarting you?
No, not anymore.
That's the Christmas spirit. Put 'er there.
Christmas present for me?
Homer, you shouldn't have done it.
That's a legal writ empowering me
to seize and hold this train.
Homer, you you shouldn't have done it.
Kate! Sam! Charley!
Venite adoremus ♪
Venite adoremus ♪
Venite adoremus ♪
Dom inum. ♪
Mr. Bedloe, you being an educated city man and all,
Bobbie Jo thought you'd like to hear
that beautiful song in Latin.
Very nice. Lovely voice, that girl.
She might be able to support you
after the hotel's closed down, now that the train's gone.
You mean Betty Jo and Floyd got it away?
Oh, no, you don't steal that train on me anymore.
Even that clever little engineer daughter of yours
can't run the Cannonball without this throttle lever.
Mr. Bedloe, you certainly are a
brilliant man.
Billie Jo, more fruitcake for Mr. Bedloe.
Uncle Joe, more eggnog.
Herbie, hurry with Mr. Bedloe's shoes.
Charley, get Mr. Bedloe a cigar.
Bobbie Jo, let's sing another Christmas carol
for Mr. Bedloe.
This time in English.
Excuse me, Mr. Curtis.
Yes?
The pilot just returned
from flying Mr. Bedloe to Hooterville,
and he wanted to know if you'd be needing the plane.
No, no, tell him
Hooterville? Bedloe went there?
Yes, sir.
He's gonna inspect the Cannonball.
And he can find a thousand infractions.
He is going to spoil Christmas
for all those wonderful people.
That mean, vengeful Scrooge, sir?
That's too good for Bedloe.
Will you be needing the plane then, sir?
No, the helicopter.
I've got to land close to Shady Rest
if I'm gonna stop him in time.
Don we now our gay
apparel, fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la ♪
Troll the ancient yuletide carol ♪
Fa-la-la-la, la-la-la-la. ♪
Very nice.
Where's the eggnog?!
"Where's that eggnog?
More eggnog, Carson. More eggnog, Carson."
Talks to me like I'm a section hand on his railroad.
Oh, boy.
That's all we need now, Nutty Norman the hobo.
Thank you, Mr. Carson.
Remember me Norman Curtis?
Yeah, that's the way I remember you,
with your hand out.
Hungry as usual, I suppose.
Well, I could use some food,
but first, do you have a Homer Bedlow here,
of the C. & F.W. Railroad?
Yeah. If you're looking for him to give you a job,
you're out of luck.
That guy is the original Mr. Mean.
What has he done?
He grabbed the train, that's all.
It's the end of the Hooterville
Cannonball and the Shady Rest,
and it's the end of your free handouts.
Well, I'd like to talk to him alone.
Send him in, will you?
Can't you get it through your nutty noggin?
Mr. Bedloe is a big shot.
He ain't about to waste his time talking to a hobo.
You tell him Norman P. Curtis wants him.
He'll talk to me.
Uncle Joe, hurry up with Mr. Bedloe's
Norman Curtis!
Merry Christmas, Kate.
Well, I'm afraid this one isn't gonna be
a very merry one for us, but you get washed up,
and we can at least give you one good hot meal
before we close down.
Because of Mr. Bedloe?
Oh, now, it's Christmas Eve.
I don't want to burden you with our troubles.
From the looks of you, you got plenty of your own.
Carson, where's that eggnog?!
Coming right up, Mr. Bedloe, sir.
I was delayed by this hobo coming to the door.
Hobo?!
Bumming rides on the C. & F.W. Railroad, were you?
No, no, sir, Mr. Bedloe.
Well, see that you don't, buddy, because I'm
I'm sick.
Too much eggnog. I was afraid of that.
I'll go get the bicarbonate.
Uh, Kate,
if you two will leave me alone with Mr. Bedloe,
I think I know just how to straighten him out.
All right, Kate, if anybody knows how
to take care of a drunk, it's a hobo.
All right, everybody, we can get started now.
Here comes Santa Claus.
Thank goodness that argument between Charley and Joe
got settled with no bloodshed.
Yeah, that's the best Santa Claus ever.
Merry Christmas.
Be jolly, Bedloe.
Ho-ho-ho, Merry Christmas.
Jollier.
Ho-ho-ho, Merry Christmas!
Happy New Year.
And a Happy New Year!
Ho-ho-ho!
God rest ye merry gentleman, let nothing you dismay ♪
Remember Christ our savior was born on Christmas day ♪
To save us all from Satan's
power when we were gone astray ♪
Oh, tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy ♪
Oh, tidings of comfort and joy ♪
Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪
Fa-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪
'Tis the season to be jolly, fa-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪
Don we now our gay apparel ♪
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la ♪
Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪
Fa-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪
'Tis the season to be jolly ♪
Fa-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪
Silent night ♪
Holy night ♪
All is calm ♪
All is bright ♪
Round yon virgin ♪
Mother and child ♪
Holy infant so tender and mild ♪
Oh, what fun it is to ride in
a one-horse open sleigh, ay ♪
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way ♪
Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh. ♪
Merry Christmas, everybody.
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas!
Petticoat Junction. ♪
This has been a Filmways presentation. ♪
Come ride the little train ♪
That is rollin' down the tracks to the Junction ♪
Forget about your cares ♪
It is time to relax at the Junction ♪
Lots of curves, you bet ♪
And even more when you get ♪
To the Junction ♪
Petticoat Junction ♪
There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪
Petticoat Junction ♪
It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪
Petticoat Junction ♪
And that's Uncle Joe, he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪
At the Junction ♪
Petticoat Junction! ♪
Billie?
Billie Jo,
would you step out here a minute?
What do you want, Herby?
Look up there, Billie, it's mistletoe.
Billie Jo, I need you.
All right, Herby, what'd you do this time?
I got kissed.
Well, it sure was a noisy one.
Billie Jo.
It's Christmas, Mom.
Oh, all right.
Starting getting our Christmas stuff
together in the back room.
Floyd and Charley will be along any minute now. Okay.
I'll help you, Billie Jo.
Oh, that kid.
Stealing a kiss right out here in the store.
Oh, Sam, it's Christmas.
Remember when you were a boy?
Yeah.
Yeah, I ain't a boy any longer, Kate,
but if I understand this custom
of kissing under the mistletoe,
uh, there ain't any particular age limit
on who can and who Sam
you talk too much.
What happened, Mr. Drucker?
I got kissed.
All right, kids, all three of you,
we got a lot of work to do before dark.
Boy, I'll say we have.
We got Christmas baskets to pack
and presents to wrap and carols to rehearse.
And a tree to cut and lights to string.
And a sleigh and reindeer to touch up.
And the whole Hooterville Cannonball to decorate.
I could use a little more pressure, Floyd.
Coming right up.
Will you stop burning the ties
from under this track?
I only burn the loose ones, Charley.
If you keeping taking up the ties,
what's gonna hold the rails down?
Well, the train's pretty heavy, even without you.
I'll tell you where there's some ties loose: In your head.
Oh, I'm just spoofing, Charley.
I don't take up enough to hurt anything.
You've been a-sayin' that for years.
One of these days, we're gonna find ourselves out there
plowing up them fields with our cowcatcher.
Gee whiz, Charley, don't be yelling at me
so close to Christmas.
Oh, I'm sorry, Floyd, but you gotta admit
that Christmas Eve would be a mighty poor time
for the Cannonball to run off the track,
all decorated up and carrying a trainload
of carol singers and presents and all.
Speaking of presents, what do you got over there
in that big package with my name on it?
That's a rubber crowbar,
so as you can't pry up no more loose ties.
Now, throw some wood on that fire
and let's highball it.
Why, we might even be on time today.
Well, Mr. Curtis, what about it?
An inspection trip at Christmastime?
I'd be glad to work on Christmas,
New Year's, any day
if it's for the good of the C. & F.W. Railroad.
Oh, now, look, Bedloe, I realize you're trying
to regain your position as vice president,
but nobody expects you to work at Christmas.
That's just it.
They won't be expecting it.
But who is "they"?
Do you know of some particular violation
of C. & F.W. rules?
Yes, I do,
and I understand it goes on every year at this time.
Well, who is it?
What is it? Where?
Now, Mr. Curtis, uh, I think in all fairness
I shouldn't name names or places
until I make an on the spot personal inspection.
Well, speaking as president of the railroad,
I have got to admire your devotion to the company,
but speaking personally, I think you're a nut.
Thank you, sir.
Oh, that report will be on your desk
the day after Christmas.
Would you please come in, Miss Evans?
Merry Christmas, Miss Evans.
Mr. Curtis, did I actually see a smile and
and hear a "Merry Christmas" from old Scrooge
I mean, Mr. Bedloe?
You did.
And Heaven help Bob Cratchit and Tiny Tim,
whoever they may be.
Hi, Sam.
Hi, Sam.
Hey, fellas, where's the rest of the train?
Hey, Charley, we lost the coach.
I can see that, Floyd.
Did you fix that coupler like I told you?
Let's see now, did I or didn't I?
Let me think.
Just back up and get the coach.
We gotta decorate this whole train before dark.
Wait a minute, it's coming back to me.
Yeah, I didn't fix it.
How come the air brakes didn't stop us
if you connected the air hose?
Let's see now, did I or didn't I?
You didn't.
Yeah, I didn't.
Well, you kept hurrying me, Charley.
Fellas, please
back this thing up and get the coach!
Calm down, Sam, we're backing.
Where's the train going?
Oh, Floyd forgot to fix the coupler
and connect the air hose,
and they lost the coach.
Poor Floyd.
He always gets so excited around Christmas.
Slow her down, Charley, we're almost to it.
I can see it, too, smoke head.
Okay, Floyd, hook up the air hose.
Let's get back to Sam.
Hurry up, Floyd!
Why'd you do that, Charley?
I'm trying to break you of burning railroad ties.
That one was just layin' there
begging to be burned.
Well, it's like any other habit, Floyd
If you're gonna break it,
you got to go cold turkey, no tapering off.
Gee, Charley, sometimes you
treat me like a six-year-old child.
Sometimes you act like a six-year-old child.
Which just shows you can be intelligent when you try.
Mister, if you're looking for the Cannonball,
you missed it.
It was due through here two or three hours ago.
Don't tell me it runs on schedule now.
Well, it does today.
You see, the boys have got to get the train out
to the Shady Rest so Kate and the girls
can decorate it tonight for
Well, I'll be doggone.
This is the first time in 14 years
it's been late on Christmas Eve.
And it'll be the last.
Hey, Charley, that looked like Mr. Bedloe
back at the station.
What would he be doing here Christmas Eve?
Maybe he brought us a present.
Floyd, you are really in bad shape today.
I thought they'd never get back.
Hurry up, everybody.
You go ahead, I'll lock up. Okay.
Mister, unless you like pumping a handcar,
you better start running for that train.
I don't like pumping and I don't like running.
What about your taxi?
Well, it can't run on the railroad track,
and that's the only road.
Now, the handcar's right over there.
I'm not pumping any handcar!
Hey, wait!
Hold wait a minute!
Stop the train!
Hey, wait!
There you are, Mister.
Have a nice trip.
And a merry Christmas.
Bah humbug!
Come on, Floyd, hurry up.
Let's get the decorations out of here.
Billie Jo, you go on up and tell your sisters
and Uncle Joe to get down here on the double and help us.
All right, Mom.
I'll go help her tell 'em.
Hurry up, Floyd. It's gonna get dark on us.
Now, Sam, don't you start yelling at me
like Charley's been doing.
It makes me nervous and I forget things.
All right, Floyd. Open the door.
Charley yelling at me It made me forget
to fix the coupling,
made me forget to connect the air hose
Floyd, nobody's yelling.
Made me forget something else, too.
Now I forget what it is.
Doggone it.
Now I remember.
It sounds like a cow's in there.
Yeah, I was supposed to leave it off at Lon Hawker's place.
Christmas present for his wife.
Floyd Smoot, we was supposed to deliver that cow someplace.
Now where?
You're yellin' at me again, Charley.
Now I forget.
Lon Hawker's place.
That's right, Floyd.
See?
"To Ludie with love from Lon.
Here's wishing you a white Christmas."
White Christmas milk, get it?
Floyd, you are the dumbest ash cat that ever shook a grate.
I ain't an ash cat now, Charley.
I'm a baggage wrestler.
Well, wrestle that cow out of the way,
and give us the decorations.
Charley, hadn't we ought to take this cow
back over to Lon's place?
We ain't got time now!
Charley, please don't yell at him.
He'll forget where he put the decorations.
Floyd, would you please start handing things out to us?
You bet.
But Charley and Sam will have to help you with this cow.
Not the cow, Floyd!
I don't know where Uncle Joe disappeared to.
Maybe Betty will find him upstairs.
Oh, Herby, will you put these under the tree for us?
We've got to find Uncle Joe.
Uh, Billie, look up there.
It's Christmas.
Again?
No, it's still the same Christmas,
just different mistletoe.
Hey, Betty, did you find Uncle Joe?
Not yet, Bobbie.
Well, he knows there's work to do.
Look under the bed.
That's the first place I looked.
How about the linen closet?
Not there.
Well, tell her to try the attic.
Try the attic.
Will do.
Hey, where have you kids been?
Looking for you. Where have you been?
I been trying to find the upper half
of this Santa Claus outfit.
Did you get the train all decorated?
No, we haven't even started.
Maybe I better go back and look some more.
Uncle Joe.
Mom wants you.
Down at the train.
There's work to do. It's getting late.
I've got a lot of work to do on this beard.
It's in bad shape.
But Mr. Drucker got a brand-new one.
Meddler.
Betty, we found him.
Come on down to the train.
Okay.
We'll see you down at the train, Mr. Carson.
Okay, I'll be there right away.
Where did Floyd put the lightbulbs?
No telling, Kate.
You'll find him round back of the train.
Oh, thanks, Charley.
Floyd Smoot, we got a train to decorate
and Christmas carols to rehearse,
and here you sit milking a cow.
She needed milking, Kate.
You wouldn't want her bawling
right in the middle of "Silent Night."
We're not gonna take her
along on the train when we go caroling.
I don't see any other way
to get her over to Lon Hawker's place
in time for Christmas.
Well, all right.
Finish up as quick as you can.
Hey, Sam, I hear you got me a new Santa Clause beard.
Yeah.
What do you mean, you? I'm Santa Claus this year.
You was Santa Claus last year.
I was not. Floyd was.
Well, what about the year before?
That was Pixley Fats.
See? It's my turn this year.
Well, you can forget it.
I got the suit.
Not the top half, you ain't.
So you're the one that hid that.
I didn't hide it.
I took it home to have my landlady let it out to fit me.
Yeah, well, hand it over.
I got to get dressed.
Where's my beard, Sam?
I gave it to Kate.
Kate! Kate!
Oh, please, fellows,
don't make a big thing about who plays Santa Claus.
We haven't got time!
What is it?
Kate, who's gonna be Santa Claus,
me or this greasy hoghead?
Uncle Joe, don't call Charley that.
Oh, that's just railroad talk for "engineer."
I don't care. I don't like it.
All right, who's gonna be Santa Claus,
me or this greasy pighead?
Joe
Kate, if you let me be Santa Claus, I'll promise you
a big fat gobbler for Christmas dinner.
You're always here for Christmas dinner.
Anybody care for some fresh milk?
Uncle Joe, take this up and put it in the icebox.
We'll decide about Santa Claus later.
You decide all you want, but I'm it.
You got the padding for it, but it's on the wrong side.
Yes, boys, let's get busy stringing
up these lights on the train, huh?
Where are the bulbs, Floyd?
They're in the baggage car.
See? When you don't yell at me, I can remember.
Mom! Mom!
Betty Jo, you be careful up there.
There's someone coming on a handcar from Hooterville.
Handcar? Who is it?
I can't tell for sure.
It looks like Mr. Bedloe.
Kate, Kate, look who's pumping up the track
to spend Christmas with us.
My ol' buddy Homer Bedloe.
You see, Charley, that was Mr. Bedloe
we passed up at the Hooterville station.
Oh, fine.
With that and pumping 20 miles on a handcar,
he's gonna be in a jolly mood.
Just leave him to me.
I don't need no help to handle Bedloe.
Hey, what do you think you're doing to the property
of the C. & F.W. Railroad?
We're decorating it for the annual Christmas carol sing,
Mr. Bedloe.
We go all the way across the valley
singing and distributing gifts and baskets of food.
It's a tradition, Mr. Bedloe.
It was a tradition.
Now start taking down those lights.
Why?
Violation of the C. & F.W. rules and regulations.
Well, how's ol' Homer Bedloe?
Still looking for a way to get even with us
for outsmarting you?
No, not anymore.
That's the Christmas spirit. Put 'er there.
Christmas present for me?
Homer, you shouldn't have done it.
That's a legal writ empowering me
to seize and hold this train.
Homer, you you shouldn't have done it.
Kate! Sam! Charley!
Venite adoremus ♪
Venite adoremus ♪
Venite adoremus ♪
Dom inum. ♪
Mr. Bedloe, you being an educated city man and all,
Bobbie Jo thought you'd like to hear
that beautiful song in Latin.
Very nice. Lovely voice, that girl.
She might be able to support you
after the hotel's closed down, now that the train's gone.
You mean Betty Jo and Floyd got it away?
Oh, no, you don't steal that train on me anymore.
Even that clever little engineer daughter of yours
can't run the Cannonball without this throttle lever.
Mr. Bedloe, you certainly are a
brilliant man.
Billie Jo, more fruitcake for Mr. Bedloe.
Uncle Joe, more eggnog.
Herbie, hurry with Mr. Bedloe's shoes.
Charley, get Mr. Bedloe a cigar.
Bobbie Jo, let's sing another Christmas carol
for Mr. Bedloe.
This time in English.
Excuse me, Mr. Curtis.
Yes?
The pilot just returned
from flying Mr. Bedloe to Hooterville,
and he wanted to know if you'd be needing the plane.
No, no, tell him
Hooterville? Bedloe went there?
Yes, sir.
He's gonna inspect the Cannonball.
And he can find a thousand infractions.
He is going to spoil Christmas
for all those wonderful people.
That mean, vengeful Scrooge, sir?
That's too good for Bedloe.
Will you be needing the plane then, sir?
No, the helicopter.
I've got to land close to Shady Rest
if I'm gonna stop him in time.
Don we now our gay
apparel, fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la ♪
Troll the ancient yuletide carol ♪
Fa-la-la-la, la-la-la-la. ♪
Very nice.
Where's the eggnog?!
"Where's that eggnog?
More eggnog, Carson. More eggnog, Carson."
Talks to me like I'm a section hand on his railroad.
Oh, boy.
That's all we need now, Nutty Norman the hobo.
Thank you, Mr. Carson.
Remember me Norman Curtis?
Yeah, that's the way I remember you,
with your hand out.
Hungry as usual, I suppose.
Well, I could use some food,
but first, do you have a Homer Bedlow here,
of the C. & F.W. Railroad?
Yeah. If you're looking for him to give you a job,
you're out of luck.
That guy is the original Mr. Mean.
What has he done?
He grabbed the train, that's all.
It's the end of the Hooterville
Cannonball and the Shady Rest,
and it's the end of your free handouts.
Well, I'd like to talk to him alone.
Send him in, will you?
Can't you get it through your nutty noggin?
Mr. Bedloe is a big shot.
He ain't about to waste his time talking to a hobo.
You tell him Norman P. Curtis wants him.
He'll talk to me.
Uncle Joe, hurry up with Mr. Bedloe's
Norman Curtis!
Merry Christmas, Kate.
Well, I'm afraid this one isn't gonna be
a very merry one for us, but you get washed up,
and we can at least give you one good hot meal
before we close down.
Because of Mr. Bedloe?
Oh, now, it's Christmas Eve.
I don't want to burden you with our troubles.
From the looks of you, you got plenty of your own.
Carson, where's that eggnog?!
Coming right up, Mr. Bedloe, sir.
I was delayed by this hobo coming to the door.
Hobo?!
Bumming rides on the C. & F.W. Railroad, were you?
No, no, sir, Mr. Bedloe.
Well, see that you don't, buddy, because I'm
I'm sick.
Too much eggnog. I was afraid of that.
I'll go get the bicarbonate.
Uh, Kate,
if you two will leave me alone with Mr. Bedloe,
I think I know just how to straighten him out.
All right, Kate, if anybody knows how
to take care of a drunk, it's a hobo.
All right, everybody, we can get started now.
Here comes Santa Claus.
Thank goodness that argument between Charley and Joe
got settled with no bloodshed.
Yeah, that's the best Santa Claus ever.
Merry Christmas.
Be jolly, Bedloe.
Ho-ho-ho, Merry Christmas.
Jollier.
Ho-ho-ho, Merry Christmas!
Happy New Year.
And a Happy New Year!
Ho-ho-ho!
God rest ye merry gentleman, let nothing you dismay ♪
Remember Christ our savior was born on Christmas day ♪
To save us all from Satan's
power when we were gone astray ♪
Oh, tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy ♪
Oh, tidings of comfort and joy ♪
Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪
Fa-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪
'Tis the season to be jolly, fa-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪
Don we now our gay apparel ♪
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la ♪
Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪
Fa-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪
'Tis the season to be jolly ♪
Fa-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪
Silent night ♪
Holy night ♪
All is calm ♪
All is bright ♪
Round yon virgin ♪
Mother and child ♪
Holy infant so tender and mild ♪
Oh, what fun it is to ride in
a one-horse open sleigh, ay ♪
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way ♪
Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh. ♪
Merry Christmas, everybody.
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas!
Petticoat Junction. ♪
This has been a Filmways presentation. ♪