Happy Days (1974) s01e15 Episode Script

1
One, two, three o'clock, four o'clock rock
Five, six, seven o'clock, eight o'clock rock
Nine, ten, eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock rock
We're gonna rock around the clock tonight
Put your glad rags on, join me, hon
We'll have some fun when the clock strikes one
We're gonna rock around the clock tonight
We're gonna rock, rock, rock till broad daylight
We're gonna rock, gonna rock around the clock tonight
When the clock strikes two, three, and four
If the band slows down, we'll yell for more
We're gonna rock around the clock tonight
We're gonna rock, rock, rock till broad daylight
We're gonna rock, gonna rock around the clock tonight
When the chimes ring five, six, and seven
We'll be right in seventh heaven
We're gonna rock around the clock tonight
We're gonna rock, rock, rock till broad daylight
We're gonna rock, gonna rock around the clock tonight
When the clock strikes twelve, we'll cool off then
Start a-rockin' 'round the clock again
We're gonna rock around the clock tonight
We're gonna rock, rock, rock till broad daylight
We're gonna rock, gonna rock around the clock tonight ♪
You ain't nothin' but a hound dog
It's a regular box with a hole in the bottom.
Now, I put the cotton in. This is great!
Now, you put the finger through, just like that.
Oh, ho-ho-ho!
How's that?
That's great!
Looks like a dead finger.
Just a little ketchup, looks like blood.
Watch this.
Hey, guys.
Shh!
What are you doin'?
Shh!
Ralph's gettin' ready to pull a prank.
Here comes Marsha. She's gonna scream!
Cherry phosphate for the "clean" liver,
and a double sundae for the kid
whose teeth must be rotting right out of his head.
Marsha, some of the guys felt
that since you've been putting up with us
so unselfishly,
we feel that you deserve a little present.
So we all chipped in to get you this.
OK. What is it?
Ha!
No, thanks. I just had a big lunch.
You're not as funny as you used to be, Ralph.
You can't hit every time.
Was Milton Berle funny last night?
Yeah. Yeah.
I didn't think so.
You ain't never caught a rabbit
and you ain't no friend of mine
You ain't nothin' but a hound dog
Cryin' all the time
You ain't nothin' but a hound dog ♪
Can we have your attention?
The Dukes! What are they doin' here?
They probably ran out of people to beat up
in their own neighborhood.
I hear whispering.
This is Frankie Malina, supreme leader of the Dukes,
here on business.
I'm lookin' for a redheaded kid
He's lookin' for a redheaded kid
who was on our turf.
Who was on our turf.
Were you on our turf today?
Oh, no, not me.
I'd never go in that neighborhood.
Not that there's anything wrong with it. It's nice.
Nice trees, nice streets Nice neighborhood.
How 'bout you, red? Were you on Duke turf today?
I guess so.
Frankie, there's your pigeon.
I had to run an errand.
Did you meet a girl there and walk her home?
Just a little girl.
Some kids were picking on her,
so I stopped it, and I took her home,
but I don't even know her name.
My name's Frankie Malina.
I'm Richie Cunningham.
That was my kid sister you took care of.
I wanted to say thanks.
And I owe you one.
You're welcome on Duke turf anytime.
Thanks. Thanks.
Hey, punk, that your school ring?
Yeah.
That's nice. Let me see it.
Yeah, that's nice.
Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha!
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Are they gone?
Yeah, Ralph. You can pull your cap up now.
They're not so tough.
They're lucky I didn't lose my temper!
If I had, it'd been too bad for 'em!
Right. You can take your hand out of the sundae now, Potsie.
I can't eat that now! You eat it!
Anyway, Rich, I'll tell you one thing
You made yourself a good friend today.
Yeah, Frankie Malina's not such a bad guy.
He's a hood! He hangs around the
pool hall with a bunch of tough guys.
And you know they've all been in trouble with the police?
Yeah, but, Dad, maybe it's not his fault.
Maybe he's just a victim of society.
Frankie Malina is the leader of the Dukes voluntarily.
Society did not hold an election to vote him into office.
What are you doing, Marion?
Did somebody call me?
What are you doing in the garbage can?
Oh, cleaning it, dear. You missed a spot.
It doesn't have to be spotless. It's just a garbage can!
Well, not to the garbage men.
It's their livelihood.
I'll tell you what when they stop running over our lids,
I'll gift-wrap the garbage. That's nice, dear.
Dad, I'm telling you
Frankie Malina is not that bad.
He even told me he owes me a favor.
Yeah, he's gonna let you choose
which arm he's gonna break.
What are we arguing for? He's a hoodlum!
Hey, Rich. Hi, Mr. C. Hi, Mrs. C.
Potsie, tell Dad.
Didn't you think Frankie was an all-right guy?
Oh, yeah! He was a real pal
right up to the time he and his friends stole my bike.
Maybe we should call the police.
No, that'd be like squealing.
I don't wanna be known as "Potsie, the squealer."
You'd rather be known
as "Potsie, the kid without a bike"?
How about buying your bike back?
Buy my own bike.
Maybe you could get a good deal. It's used.
There's gotta be a better way.
Maybe if we said pretty please with sugar on top.
There's only one thing they understand
Brute force.
Somebody ought to teach those guys a lesson.
No violence while I'm serving.
Move the books.
Double malt, rainbow sprinkles.
Fighting's no good. Guys can get hurt.
I can get hurt.
Somebody should just ask for the bike back.
They might listen to reason.
Double burger, no onions.
It may be worth a try.
Come on! Who's the kid with good breath?
That's mine.
I should have known.
Richie's right
Someone should try to reason with them.
Ralph will lend you his car.
Why should I be the one?
It was your idea. Besides, you're
best buddies with their leader.
Black cow.
That's right. Frankie said he owed you a favor.
Come on! Who gets the black cow?
I'd rather not go to Dukes' turf. I could get beat up.
Mmm. You don't have to worry.
I go through Duke territory all the time,
and nobody lays a hand on me. I have rotten luck.
Hi, Fonzie.
Hey, Cunningham. Which is cooler
The mirrors up like this at an angle
or down like this straight?
Well, I think you can see better
with them down at an angle.
Hey, I don't wanna see where I've been.
I wanna see how cool I look gettin' there!
Oh, then up at an angle, definitely.
Yeah, thanks.
Fonzie, I have a problem.
Yeah? Well, you just got a second problem.
What is it?
I ain't interested in your first.
The Dukes stole Potsie's bicycle.
How's that your problem?
I'm going down there to get it back.
Hey, I wanna tell you, that's really gutsy.
Gettin' punched out for a friend
That really is gutsy.
It's also very stupid.
Well, I was kinda hoping that you might be able
to give me some tips on how to handle the Dukes.
Oh, yeah, no problem.
Just go in, show 'em like you mean business,
and punch out the biggest guy.
Oh, I don't think I could ever do that.
Yeah, yeah, works every time. You punch out the biggest guy.
Then those other bananas will think twice before jumpin' ya.
Fonzie
I don't think I could ever punch out the biggest guy.
I'm not even sure I could punch out the littlest one.
Can you rabbit-punch?
I haven't had much experience.
Kicking can you kick?
No, kicking's not one of my better talents.
Can you write?
Yeah!
Make out a will.
Hey, Pop! The machine's broke!
I didn't get no change back!
I don't see nothin'. I just work here.
Sir, is Frankie here?
I don't know nothin'. I just work here.
Well, look who's here.
Hi. Listen, uh, I didn't get your name at Arnold's.
They call me Squirt.
Hi, Squirt.
They call me Squirt. You call me Mr. Squirt.
Right. Mr. Squirt.
Hey, what are you, a kamikaze or something?
Don't you know this is Dukes' turf?
Well, yeah, but, uh
I just came down here to see Frankie.
Oh, you're looking for Frankie.
Hey, you Frankie?
You Frankie?
Hey, Pop! What about you? You Frankie?
I don't know nothin'. I just work here.
Hey, looks like we're fresh out of Frankies.
How 'bout a hamburger?
Well, I just thought Frankie might know
where my friend's bike is.
What makes you think that?
What's the matter?
Ain't you never seen a bike before?
That is uh, I mean,
I-I think that's my friend's bike.
You're not saying we stole it?
No, I didn't say that. You did.
Don't ever use the word "stole" around here.
It makes us crazy. Right, guys?
Right, Pop?
Yeah crazy.
Well, listen, uh,
maybe I'll come back later when Frankie's here.
Wait. Come over here
and identify your friend's bike.
Maybe we've seen it before.
Well it's blue.
Oh, this one's red.
Yeah, but it's just been painted,
and you can see patches of blue underneath.
I don't see no blue spots.
It's red, man.
I think you're colorblind.
What about the squirrel's tail on the handlebar?
It's yours.
Oh, look it's even got his name, Potsie,
on the back of the seat.
Look I'm pretty sure this is my friend's bike.
I mean, he was thinking about painting it red
and-and losing the squirrel's tail
and even getting rid of his name.
So why don't you just give it to me?
Come here. Come here. I'll make you a deal
You let us keep the bike,
and we'll let you keep every bone in your body.
See ya later, alligator
Fonzie, you could do it alone.
You're like a one-man army.
You are the toughest, Fonz. How about it?
Get lost.
Fonzie, you're our only hope.
You're the toughest, rottenest guy we know, Fonz.
I mean that in the nicest way, Fonzie, as a compliment.
You're a very nice guy. I've said that. Right, guys?
Oh, yeah, he always says that.
Hey now listen.
If it was something big, like a Harley or a souped-up Chevy
or a chick, maybe.
But to bust heads over Potsie's little two-wheeler, huh?
I got an image to keep up.
At least you can give us some advice.
You want some advice? Here's some advice.
There's an old saying he who
stands his ground, but can't hold it,
usually gets his nose rubbed in it.
That's an old saying?
That's right. I made it up this morning.
Now I am going to write it on the bathroom wall
in blue.
Excuse me.
You know I'm good buddies with the football team.
Since when?
Since I was squad manager.
I taped some of the toughest ankles in town!
Potsie, they hated you.
Every time you brought the water bucket on the field,
they dumped it over your head.
They were just kiddin'. They're crazy about me.
Enough to rumble for you?
Sure! I'll bring the whole defensive line.
The Dukes will take one look at 'em,
and we'll win the rumble by default.
Be at the pool hall tonight, 7:30 sharp. Be there.
Well, Potsie was right.
The Dukes have his bike at the pool hall,
and we're going down there to take it back.
Richie's gonna have a rumble.
Oh, Joanie, take that Slinky upstairs and play with it.
Did you hear that, Howard?
Yes, Marion, I heard.
Richard, you, Ralph and Potsie
are no match for those hoodlums down at the pool hall.
We're taking the football team with us.
Oh, that's different.
They didn't win a game all last year.
That is not different. I don't like our son fighting.
Violence never solved anything.
Like that time you tried to get Joanie's
scooter back from Debbie Fitzsimmons,
and Mr. Fitzsimmons punched you in the eye.
Come on, that was a lucky punch.
I had both hands on the scooter.
Besides, I thought Dad showed a lot of spunk.
The hospitals are filled with spunky people.
They probably even have a spunky ward.
Boys, I don't like violence
and neither does the President or Albert Schweitzer
or Mahatma Gandhi.
Mahatma Gandhi?
Well, Richard, I hope you appreciate your mother's advice.
But I don't think it would do you any good
to go on down to the pool hall and starve yourself to death.
I heard that.
I do agree with the part about not fighting.
We're not planning on fighting, Dad.
We're just gonna go down there
and scare 'em with a show of strength.
If I were you, I'd stay out of it.
Let the police handle it. That's the best way.
I know, Dad.
You're old enough to know right from wrong.
You can take my advice or not as you see fit.
Thanks, Dad. I won't be out too late.
I-I-It's very quiet in here tonight.
Is it always this quiet?
I don't know nothin'. I just work here.
Hey, guys.
Potsie! Where's the football team?
They'll be here, they'll be here.
Don't panic.
Boy, I hope they get here.
Are they coming or not?
We still got five minutes.
Five minutes?! Oh, no!
Do you know how much beating up
the Dukes can do in five minutes?
They're here. The football team's here.
No, they're not here.
What do you mean they're not here?!
The coach is showing a film to inspire them
Knute Rockne-All-American.
You promised us the football team,
and all we get is the mascot!
I'm getting out of here!
Yeah!
Uh-oh.
Well, well what have we got here?
The three little pigs
and the ugly duckling.
Hey, that's my bike!
A beauty, ain't it?
I'd leave it outside,
but some bad person is liable to steal it.
Well, I-I think we
Well, we were just leaving.
Look, we don't want any trouble.
Hey, there's no trouble. No trouble at all.
Punching's no trouble, is it, fellas?
Hey, Frankie!
You're just in time for the action!
Hey, Richie! How you doin'?
Oh, fine, just fine.
Snazzy outfit, huh? How's it grab ya?
Oh, yeah, that's cool! Isn't that cool, guys?
Oh, nice! Ooh, yeah, real cool!
I'm the head usher up in the balcony
at the Bijou Theater.
Oh, wow! What a great job!
Oh, great! Really great job!
The best part comes at the late show.
When I see a couple makin' out like crazy,
I sneak up on 'em, nice and quiet,
then zap!
I shine the flashlight on 'em.
Boy, you wanna see popcorn fly.
Ha-ha-ha! Heh-heh!
That's neat! Really neat!
Ha-ha! Really neat! Ha-ha-ha!
Ha-ha-ha! Really neat! Ha-ha-ha!
They came for the bike.
It's all yours.
Hey, I told you I owed you one, didn't I?
And we Dukes always keep our word.
Thanks, Frankie.
Hey, thanks a lot!
Oh ha-ha!
Hey, Frankie, I gotta show you somethin'.
Before they leave, I think you'd like to read this.
"If the stolen bicycle is not returned in 24 hours,
"the Dukes will be scrapin' their noses off the ceiling.
Yours truly, Potsie and his Raiders."
"Will be scrapin' their noses off the ceiling."
Who's Potsie?
Heh-heh-heh.
I thought the football team was comin'.
Now, this sorta changes things.
Listen, Frankie, P-Potsie didn't mean it.
He's a real kidder.
In fact, he'll even apologize
if you want him to.
I apologize. I'm sorry. I really didn't
You see? He's sorry.
Gee, I'm sorry, too.
I mean, this is a real challenge, you know?
I can't let a threat like that go by
without takin' some action.
It's against our code.
If I were to let you get away with that,
it would set a bad example for my men. Cute.
You know what I mean?
You know what he means?
I know what you mean, but
It'll be a fair fight.
Squirt, you take the duck.
You wouldn't hit a man with a beak! I'm a beak buster.
You, take him. You, clobber him.
And I'll take care of Richie.
No, wait a second
I can't hit Richie. Richie's my friend.
You hit Richie.
I'll take the scared, little one.
Uh, Sir! Sir!
I don't see nothin'. I mind my own business.
When you finish, lock up.
Right, Pop.
OK, Dukes, get ready to punch!
Wait a minute! This is silly!
If the bike means that much to ya,
then just keep it.
But it's my bike!
Violence never solved anything!
This all started
because I did something nice for a little girl.
Then you guys said thanks and took my friend's bike!
Now the only way for us to get it back
is if our army is bigger than your army.
What if I brought the football team?
What good would that do?
You could get some more guys, and pretty soon,
we'd have a hundred guys trying to scare each other.
Where would it all end?
We should be able to settle our problems
without threats and punches!
Look at all the other countries around the world!
They learned their lesson!
Now we have the United Nations
so there won't be any more wars.
Why can't people be like governments?
Frankie, can't you see that there is honor
in settling things with words instead of punches?
That was a beautiful speech, Richie.
I mean, it really was nice.
Thank you.
Now we punch 'em.
Hah! Hyah! Hold it!
I have to warn you that I am an expert in judo
and that these hands are registered with the FBI
as lethal weapons!
Hah!
So's the chain in my pocket!
Ohh
Now, unless we got some more funny business,
let's get down to some serious punchin'!
Hiya, Richie.
All right, fellas.
Help yourself to some, uh, cue sticks here, huh?
Hey, Richie, let me buy you a drink, huh?
I hope I'm not interruptin' anything here.
Oh, no, Fonzie.
You ain't interruptin' anything.
Uh, we were just talkin' about the United Nations
with our good friends here, right, Richie?
You know, I'll tell you, that's great 'cause, uh,
my boys haven't had a rumble in about a week,
and, uh, gettin' a little itchy, ya know?
Yeah, I know how it is.
But there's no trouble here.
Heh-heh.
Uh, may I?
See, that was me you caught in the balcony last Saturday.
You owe me one box of popcorn.
Right, uh Let's go, you guys.
Hey, Frankie, wait a minute
Shut up, Squirt!
Oh, uh, Fonzie
Come by the Bijou anytime. I'll get you in free.
And, uh, here
Will you lock up when you leave?
Sure, Pop.
Fonzie, thank you!
For what?
The Fonz comes through in the clutch!
Were your guys really gonna belt them with cue sticks?
Hey, cool it instantaneously, huh?
These guys are not here to rumble.
I told them I knew a few guys
that wanted to treat 'em to free pool and drinks.
Hey, hey! Oh
It'll cost you about four bucks.
Potsie, pay 'em. It's your bike.
Why?! I didn't invite 'em!
Hey, I got a great idea
Why don't you tell 'em that?
Heh. I'll pay 'em.
Happy days ♪
And then Fonzie came in and saved us,
and Potsie got his bike back.
I'm so relieved there wasn't any fighting.
Didn't raise my son to be a soldier.
Well, how's that, huh?
OK. We're all ready.
Now I put this here turn this on
and watch.
Looks funny, Dad.
The sky is green, and the grass is blue.
Oh well, you know,
it's only a $8.50 color converter.
It's bound to have some kinks to it.
There. How's that, huh?
Well, I don't see any color, dear.
Looks black and white.
That's because you're looking at it from an angle.
You should all be right in front of it.
Come on.
Oh.
Yeah, see?
Look at the blue tree.
I can't see!
Oh, Joanie
I still can't see!
Joanie, come down here in front.
What made you do it?
What made you come into our
Do we have to sit this way every time we watch TV?
Oh, I guess so, till we get a color set.
Well, it's just a good thing we're a close family.
This days is ours Happy days ♪
Hello, sunshine goodbye, rain
She's wearin' my school ring on her chain
She's my steady, I'm her man
I'm gonna love her all I can
This day is ours Won't you be mine?
These happy days This day is ours
Oh, please be mine Oh, happy days
Happy days ♪