L.A. Law (1986) s01e15 Episode Script

1
Previously on L.A.
Law.
Ann, I'd like you to know something.
As far as I'm concerned, Mckenzie Brackman, well, it's you.
You spied on me?
I started out just waiting.
I will not be made to feel like a slut
because I had dinner with my client.
And I will not tolerate your spying on me.
Does this writ say anywhere that I was an error?
No.
My job has rendered me a little short of temper lately.
I'm getting out.
The firms in town will start a feeding
frenzy over a superior court judge.
Actually, Leland, I'm here to give you first bite.
I have no reason to expect your temperament as attorney to
be any more to my liking than your temperament as a judge.
Judge with one count, PC 93, receiving a
bribe by a judicial officer.
Does this little doll have curb appeal or what?
Oh, God, I think I'm in love.
I said the minute I saw it, this is the
Arnie Becker dream house.
What are they asking?
A million three.
But it doesn't even go on the market until next Wednesday.
And my feeling is if you make them an
offer this week, you can steal it for $9.50.
They put over a half million into remodeling.
At $9.50, they're taking a major bath on it.
God, look at that fireplace.
There's another one in the den, the dining
room, the kitchen, and the master bedroom.
This is exactly the house I've been looking for.
You sit on this baby six months.
I could get you a million four-fifty for it.
Easy.
So tell me, uh, why is it, why is it such a bargain now?
Divorce situation.
Very bitter.
You know what that's like.
I know I shouldn't be telling you all the
gory details, but, well, after what you
did for me when the rat left, you're like family.
Tell.
It's the old story.
Rocky Mary.
Instead of going to a shrink to work out
the real problems, they buy a house instead.
You've seen it a million times.
It starts with fighting over the color of the tile.
Then he accuses her of having
her taste in her behind, and she
retaliates by having an affair with the general contractor.
And the tile man.
And the stone man.
That's why there's so many fireplaces.
So the upshot is, he absolutely hates the house.
She totally loves it.
Well, she put so much of herself into it.
Tell me about it.
And he's insisting they sell and split the proceeds.
Who are the lawyers?
Greg Lyman for him, and Matt Papes for her.
If you want my advice, you beg,
borrow, or steal to get this house.
Still, I'd sell my soul to get this house.
I didn't found Mckenzie Brackman so that it'd become
the branch office of a New York law conglomerate.
You realize the upfront payment to the
more senior lawyers would be in the nature
of $300,000 to $400,000, and somewhat less with the rest.
I believe I can speak for my partners.
You've created something rather special
and unique at Mckenzie Brackman,
which none of us have any desire to change.
Are you sure?
You know, the view of the mountain looks
different from the bottom than it does from the top.
Leland, I know the firm is your life, but I doubt
if you're going to want to go on working forever.
Think of the younger members of the firm.
In a year, we can triple your billings.
I'm sorry, Raymond, your offer is very
flattering, but we're just not interested.
Ask your partners.
I don't have to.
Are you afraid to?
I'm out of here.
Oh, wait.
Wait, do you want me to make you breakfast?
I'm late.
I'm asleep.
Mickey, I hate this.
By the time I get home, you're asleep.
By the time I get up, you're gone.
This is no way to live.
Well, you have to look at the bright side, Gracie.
At least we don't fight.
I mean it.
Yeah, well, you get no argument from me.
Well, what are we going to do?
Since Mckenzie Brackman doesn't have a
night shift, I guess that's up to you.
Should I give them an ultimatum?
Don't paint yourself into a corner.
This can't last forever.
Sleep on it.
You want to sleep on it with me?
I'd love to.
But I can't.
I will wait up for you tonight, though, I promise.
Okay.
Scouts honor.
Bye.
Thank you.
Leland Mckenzie.
Very impressive.
Morris Hood's really pulling out all the stops, isn't he?
Stan, it's nice to see you looking so relaxed.
And what is that supposed to mean?
Just that this little sting operation
wasn't your grandest hour.
Hundreds of thousands of dollars of
taxpayers' money in all your bag is one.
Muny court judge for fixing tickets,
and Morris Hood, who most certainly will
have these charges dismissed on the grounds of entrapment.
Ah, I was waiting for that magic word to be uttered.
Entrapment.
When the crime was not contemplated by the
defense, but was instigated by police
officers, and the defendant was, by
persuasion or fraud, lured into its commission.
Where a defendant has a previously
existing criminal intent, the fact that
when solicited by a decoy he commits a
crime does not show entrapment.
Morris Hood was an honest jurist, with no
propensity for bribery until your agent lured him into it.
Oh, really?
The life and times of your squeaky clean jurist.
If you could prove any of these prior
allegations, you'd have brought him to trial.
Evidentiary problems.
And this one is every bit as tainted.
He took the money, didn't he?
50,000 bucks worth.
You came after him three times before he took it, raising
the ante each time, or are you going to deny that, too?
No.
Then you violated his rights yet again.
You turned his arrest into a public spectacle.
Well, what are we supposed to do?
Nominate him for sainthood, or maybe chief justice?
Is that what you want?
No, I don't.
But I do think he's suffered enough.
Let him retire from the bench with his pension intact.
You want a dismissal.
And you want him off the bench.
You want to avoid the public embarrassment
of losing your showboat case in court.
This serves both our ends, Dan, and truthfully.
I don't see any good purpose to be met by
sending a sad, broken man like Morris Hood to prison.
Do you?
People versus Dolores Kirby.
Mother-in-law allegedly harassed the ex-wife.
Some spillage from one of Arnold's divorce cases.
And where do we stand on the Cromwell suit?
Uh, we've already gotten two out of the
three causes of action dismissed.
Discovery and trial on the remaining cause pending.
Cromwell called me himself to express his pleasure.
It's good work, Ann.
Thank you.
Stuart, this Chapman case, does it have
the possibility of bouncing into litigation?
Well, I haven't interviewed them yet.
I'm flying up to San Francisco on Thursday.
Well, if there's nothing else.
Uh, I, uh, I had breakfast this morning
with Raymond Lloyd, his senior partner in
the firm of Marshall Taft, which Mr. Lloyd
informs me now has over 400 lawyers with
offices in New York, Miami, Chicago, San Francisco.
They're seeking to establish a beachhead here in L.A.
and wondered if we'd be interested in
becoming that beachhead.
I turned him down.
Why?
Well, it was conditional on merging with them.
I think they'd have their pick of every firm in L.A.
It was a real coup that they won us.
Did Mr. Lloyd perchance mention any figures?
Purely speculatively, he threw out something in the
nature of three to four hundred thousand per partner.
And you didn't think that was worth
putting before the partnership?
I felt certain.
I spoke for us all.
No offense, Leland, but if somebody wants
to hand me close to a half a million
bucks, I don't want anyone speaking for me but me.
I'd have to agree with Arnold.
I took it as an article of faith that the firm of Mckenzie
Brackman would never cut into being franchised.
I see I was wrong.
Well, I think that what we're objecting to
is having our opinions preempted, Leland.
In that case, Douglas, why don't you and
Stuart contact Mr. Lloyd, get the full
proposal, and present it to the
partnership at its earliest convenience.
Arnie, you have got a ton of phone calls.
Never mind that.
Get my realtor on the phone, quick.
I guess you know if this tribe splits up,
it's you and me on the cold.
I know.
Trial experience can make it a little warmer.
I know that, too.
So why don't you take this telephone harassment case?
When's the trial?
Two days.
Two days?
It's muni court.
Basically, your client's word against the
ex-daughter-in-law.
You can learn the file in an hour.
No, Victor, I don't know.
I mean, it's just that the thought of
trying the case by myself is kind of scary.
Well, the first time always is.
But two days from now?
You will be much more confident,
not to mention more marketable.
You're right.
OK, I'll take it.
Good, good.
I'll have the client come in the first
thing in the morning.
Don't you worry about a thing.
You're going to be great.
What do you think about this Marshall Taft proposal?
Never happened.
But just in case you're wrong,
Mike, I want you to know that if you ever
decide to open up your own store, there's no
one else that I'd rather hang out a shingle with.
Thank you, Victor.
But I am positive that it won't come to that.
Will we be in the same staff meeting, or what?
What you heard was anger at Leland's
peremptory attitude toward the other partners, so.
What I heard was the distinctive sound of money talking.
I guarantee you, Victor, when push comes
to shove, Mckenzie Brackman will not sell out.
I hope you're right.
But I think you're wrong.
Forgive me.
I'm trying not to become too emotional,
but when I come to think of it,
I mean, how this woman could actually have
me arrested and brought to trial just
because I'm concerned about my grandson's well-being.
Her statement to the police alleges that you made repeated
calls at all hours of the night,
that you used profane language.
How do I explain this?
Ms. Perkins, do you by any chance have any children?
This is my son.
Ah.
Well, then, maybe you will understand what
it's like when someone tries to harm him,
how you turn into a lioness protecting her cub.
That's the way I felt about my son and now his son.
So what happens is you call to complain
about how she's raising him.
Oh, no.
Actually, I just call to see how my grandson is.
But when that nine-year-old boy tells me
that he's home all alone with nothing to
eat while his mother is off running around with some man
All right, I'm not denying that perhaps my
language could be a little more ladylike,
but I wonder what you would say to a woman like that.
Under the circumstances, Mrs. Kirby, I am sure the
city attorney would be willing to talk about a plea bargain.
Oh, no, no, I'm sorry.
I don't mean to be difficult, but I'm not
guilty of anything.
She's the criminal, the way she neglects that child.
The only reason she brought this complaint
was as a wedge against my son in his custody suit.
If I were to cave into her now,
I mean, who knows what she would do?
My God, you look like a juror bringing in a guilty verdict.
Actually, the meeting went well, Morris.
The DA's office has agreed to dismiss the
charges if you'll resign from the bench.
You couldn't tell me that yesterday?
I didn't want to get your hopes up till I'd
also met with Nick Pierce at the state bar.
It's just come from a breakfast meeting.
He thinks the Ethics Commission will
reinstate with only a three-month suspension.
Forget about that.
Tell me about the meeting with the DA.
They folded their tents just like that?
Their case is dubious.
The case is crap, or else they wouldn't
have folded that fast.
Am I right?
Morris, the fact that their case is tainted
doesn't vitiate the fact that you took a bribe.
You've got to resign.
Innocent until Proven guilty, Leland.
Besides, if I beat the criminal charges,
the ethics committee can't touch me.
I wouldn't be so certain of that.
Allegations of judicial impropriety.
A federal wiretap.
Suggesting that you may have taken a bribe
on at least one other occasion.
If the DA loses a trial, they'll throw
this to the judicial committee and the bar.
The same standards of evidence won't apply.
You'll be thrown out of office, Morris.
They'll never let you practice law again.
I'm not some cheap crook.
There's no case here, and you know it.
I was coerced.
A stronger man would have resisted.
Morris, please, listen to me.
You've been lucky so far, but
Look, neither of us is young anymore.
It's time, Morris.
It's time to retire.
Please.
Sit in the sun.
Hit some golf.
Golf balls?
God, that doesn't sound half bad.
No.
Just because you're old and ready for the
boneyard doesn't mean I am.
Morris, if you insist on taking this to trial,
you'll have to get yourself another lawyer.
I'll be happy to get a new lawyer, Leland.
I was just doing you a favor, giving you this case anyway,
thinking you would have been
grateful to win a big one like this.
But I guess you're past it, aren't you?
I always knew you were overrated.
Case continued until March 14, 1987.
Defendant to remain free, O.R.
Mr. Handelman, you'll let us know as soon
as you're ready with your next case.
Mr. Handelman, I'm Abigail Perkins from
Mckenzie, Brackman, Chaney, Kuzak.
Oh, yeah.
How's my pal Mike Kuzak doing?
Very well.
Um, I'm handling people versus Dolores
Kirby set for jury trial tomorrow.
I was wondering if we could discuss that.
This is the grandmother who keeps calling
the daughter-in-law?
Yes.
Hey, look, I hate these family beefs.
I've got no problem with a 50-buck fine,
three-month summary probation.
Actually, I was looking for a dismissal.
Well, I can't do that, all right?
I have a daughter-in-law screaming for my scalp.
Maybe we can just continue the thing with
no finding or something.
My client had no statutory intent to annoy or harass.
That's what she says.
If you ask me, I think it's the state that's guilty
of harassment in the prosecution of this case.
What is it with your firm?
First Kuzak comes in chopping me at the
knees over some cheap hooker case.
Now you've got the hatchet.
I've got no hatchet, just an innocent client.
Either you agree to a dismissal or there's no deal.
Guess I'll see you in court, counselor.
According to the proposal, they say we can stay intact.
They say we don't have to move.
They're offering us a huge chunk of change.
People, I don't see the downside.
Marshall Taft has over 400 lawyers.
It's a factory.
Look.
I want to buy a house.
I want some equity in my life, and this is my chance.
Look, even speaking strictly from a financial
point of view, I think we're being short-sighted.
Arnie, their average partner income is
less than ours is right now.
You understand what that means?
It means we'll be making more money for
them than they will be for us.
Besides which, I don't understand how many
more cases we can take on than we already have.
With a greatly expanded support system?
Lots.
None of us is exactly starving here.
We already work 10, 12 hours a day.
Now, my concern
my bottom line, if you will, is quality of life.
What happens when we want to tell a client to go to hell?
We have to fly all the way back to New York
to explain it to some management committee?
Half the times you want to tell someone to
go to hell, you can't explain it.
It's a feeling.
So how are we going to talk feelings to New York?
I don't know.
We're going to wind up representing a lot of
folks that we have no business dealing with.
And that scares me.
Hear, hear.
It seems to me that this is first and foremost a business.
And it's bad business to say no to an
offer as potentially lucrative as this one.
As we have been here for several hours, and the
hour is growing late, no one has anything else to say.
I suggest we vote.
Yes for merger, no against.
We have a 3-3 deadlock.
In consideration of which, I'm changing my no vote to yes.
Leland, don't.
Michael, please.
And I hope I don't embarrass anyone when I
tell you how much this firm means to me.
It's been my life.
My family.
But the thing that strikes me most as I
listen to the pros and cons of this merger
proposal is the fact that I'm old enough
to be the father of every partner in this firm.
And I suppose, like all fathers, I've
loved this firm somewhat to its detriment.
I've loved it like my child.
But the ultimate job of a parent is to know when
to stop parenting, to know when it's time to let go.
And clearly, if there is to be a future for this firm, it
lies in heeding the wishes of the younger partners.
Deadlock only exposes our divisiveness.
It leaves us vulnerable to raiding.
Whereas accepting this offer, by doing
that, at least we'll be together.
Under the circumstances, I know of no other solution.
And unless someone else does,
And as that concludes, the judge.
Intends to make a total
It was you, wasn't it?
It was me what?
You were the third vote to sell out.
Yes.
I don't understand how you can do it, Ann.
Marshall Taft is a factory.
I mean, it's cold, it's impersonal.
They go by the numbers, Ann.
It's got an impressive power base.
It'll allow us to access the kind of cases
we're not currently equipped to handle.
Yeah?
At what price?
I'm talking about you.
You think Marshall Taft is gonna look
kindly on Ann Kelsey's humanist instincts?
You think they're gonna let your meter run
while you represent some principal that
may or may not have a profitable bottom line?
Come on, Ann.
Marshall Taft.
Marshall Taft thinks pro bono is Latin for sucker bet.
Stuart, we're all so inbred here.
I am not afraid of change.
I like the idea of new contacts, travel, a bigger pond.
Travel.
You know what you're doing, don't you?
You're selling out the integrity of this firm
because you want to distance yourself from me.
That's ridiculous.
Uh-uh.
I don't think so.
Ann, I'm asking you, please, please
reconsider this merger business.
And I'm going to make it easy for you.
Our relationship is over.
I'm not going to bother you anymore.
Casey, you're up.
More or less.
You know, I never even heard you come in last night.
The good news is I threatened to quit
unless they let me out of night court.
The bad news is they took me seriously,
which means I'm still gainfully employed.
You're back in day court?
Downtown felony trials, starting Monday.
That's great.
Yeah.
Oh, Gracie, I missed you.
Me too.
You didn't really think about quitting, did you?
Not this minute, but I sure can't picture
myself doing the same job my whole life.
You know, I actually used to think I could.
Coffee, coffee, coffee.
I mean, be a lifer in the firm.
But I'm not a corporate man.
And if Leland ever decided to pull back his involvement
What would you do?
That's just a thing.
I don't know.
I just wanted it to stay the way it was.
Well, if you don't like it, you can always quit.
Oh.
I've been thinking about that.
Tell you what, Kuzak.
You want to take six months off and figure this out.
Don't worry about money.
I can take care of us.
Where is he?
Come here.
Let me dry you off.
Ooh.
Ooh.
All support personnel are tied to the same mini-computer.
It handles up to 30 freestanding VDTs.
We're only using half its capacity.
Plenty of room for expansion.
You'll need the extra room.
Is your file room on line two?
I'm afraid we're in the dark ages when it
comes to our filing system.
It's all paper.
You ever think about putting up dividers,
walls around these desks?
You cube these support personnel,
you cut down on unnecessary gossip.
A lot more work done.
You make the walls around the secretary's
desk smoke plexiglass.
They can't hang anything, so they stop
bringing in mementos.
It gives the firm a clean, hard-edged business look.
You mean they can't see out?
No.
No, but you can see in to make sure they're working.
That was a little claustrophobic.
We have to work in offices, don't we?
Why shouldn't they work in cubicles?
Why not cut down on the clutter?
Personally, I like clutter.
I can't help it.
I do.
Ready?
I have my opening statement on cards,
my questions, my list of cases on point,
cross-exam questions, closing arguments.
They will never know what hit them.
So how come I'm scared to death?
Rocks, this house in Malibu, it's got glass everywhere.
It's got a black-bottom pool, 180-degree ocean view.
It's got a fireplace so big you could roll a tree into it.
Rocks, I love it.
Rocks?
Whatever it is, I love it.
Whatever it is, I'm gonna make it better.
Come here.
Oh, Arnie, it's gonna be awful.
What?
If we become part of Marshall Taft.
Oh, no, it won't.
Is there any chance it won't go through?
I doubt it, but where I go, you go.
I swear, Rocks, we're joined at the hip.
Nothing is going to separate us.
I've done some calling around.
They make you punch time clocks.
They charge you for personal calls.
You have to get supervisory approval for overtime.
The secretaries have work quotas.
Rox, that's there.
We're going to stay put right here.
It's going to be business as usual.
Arnie, there are two efficiency experts out
there right now measuring us for cubicles.
And put this in your computer.
Marshall Taft imposes a dress code on all its attorneys.
They ought to call it Marshall Law.
Ask Scott Gottlieb.
Who is Scott Gottlieb?
He's a trust expert with Cohen,
Kagan, and Fowler on the 12th floor.
He used to work for Marshall Taft in Chicago.
Okay.
Call.
See if he's free for lunch.
We're live in downtown Los Angeles where
Judge Morris Hood has just arrived at a
hastily called news conference to announce his resignation.
His decision to call it quits follows his highly
publicized arrest for allegedly accepting a bribe.
Let's hear what he has to say.
Hey.
I've served with diligence.
I've served with diligence and integrity,
and now I've earned the right to step aside.
Judge Hood.
Isn't it true that your resignation was key to the
DA's office dropping criminal charges against you?
My client is leaving the bench with all
the privileges of his former position.
Further than that, we have no comment.
Mr. Glantzman, is it true that Judge Hood
is joining your criminal law practice?
As a matter of fact, I have tendered an
offer to Judge Hood, and I look forward to
a long and rewarding association with such
a distinguished colleague.
Thank you, Paul.
The truth is, my personal experience of the past few
weeks has given me a renewed sense of purpose.
After a short vacation with my wife, I look
forward to defending individuals like myself.
who have been deprived of their constitutional rights.
He just couldn't give you the satisfaction, could he?
You look tired.
Why don't you go home?
Maybe I will.
Go hit some golf balls.
Self-pity doesn't become you, Leland.
Nor does self-delusion.
We're not getting any younger, Iris.
On three years, I'll be finished with law school.
We could hang out a shingle, Hubbard and Mckenzie.
Ooh, that has a nice ring to it.
Mckenzie and Hubbard.
Your Honor, I represent the defendant, Dolores Kirby, in
this matter, who is charged with one count PC, section 653M.
I have the papers, Counselor.
Let's proceed.
Yes, sir.
Um
The defense will show that the defendant
is the grandmother of the complainant's son.
We will further show that she made the phone
calls in question out of her love for her grandson.
A counsel approach.
What are we doing here?
I tried to plea it out, judge.
I even offered to continue it without a finding.
My client is innocent, your honor, and I cannot in
good faith recommend that she plead guilty to a crime.
Civilian complaint, judge.
I can't just drop it.
All right.
Let's go.
Uh, Ms. Perkins.
I'm sure the rest of your opening is going
to be a good one.
It's going to be terrific, but since I'll
be deciding this case on the evidence,
can we just get to it?
Yes, sir.
The people call Nancy Trichler.
And at some point, Ms. Trichler, did
you call the police about the phone calls?
I had to.
I couldn't take it anymore.
The vile language, the threats.
I had to do something to finally stop her.
Thank you.
I have nothing further.
Counselor.
Ms. Trichler, isn't it true that you often
forgot to pick up your son after school?
Objection.
Irrelevant.
Sustained.
It goes to state of mind, Your Honor.
I'm trying to establish that my client called
out of concern because she felt that Ms.
Trichler was neglecting the child.
The witness is incompetent to testify as
to the defendant's state of mind.
But if it'll speed things up, the people
will stipulate that the defendant thought
the witness was a lousy mother and that
she often called to express that sentiment.
The people will also stipulate that the
defendant's son felt exactly the same way.
Is that where you're going, Ms. Perkins,
to show this woman made these calls to
criticize this woman's maternal performance?
Yes.
Well, then I don't No, I mean,
she called for more than that.
She also called to provide information.
You may proceed within that scope.
Ms. Trichler, didn't my client sometimes
call to tell you things like where the boy's from?
Where the boy could be picked up,
or what time he should be dropped off?
No, his father would do that.
She would only call to berate me.
Like bloody hell!
I will not tolerate any more of that, Mrs. Kirby.
Isn't it true that she would sometimes
call to ask you legitimate questions?
She would call to tell me that I was the
worst thing that ever happened to her son,
and that I was probably the worst thing
that ever happened to my son.
I have nothing further.
People rest, Your Honor.
You may step down, Mr. Kirby.
Mrs. Tritchler.
Um, uh, the defense calls Dolores Kirby.
Mrs.
Kirby, could you tell the court what occasioned you to
telephone the complainant repeatedly over the last two months?
I was worried about my grandson.
What specifically bothered you, Mrs. Kirby?
Well, all her men friends, for one thing.
She lives the life of a whore.
I want that on the record.
Sit down, Mrs. Tritchler.
I don't think it's right that a nine-year-old
boy should be brought up in that environment.
I'd call to express my opinion, that's all.
Now, Mrs. Kirby, the records indicate that
sometimes you would call as many as six times a day.
Most of those calls were to my grandson.
I'd call, and he'd be out playing, so I'd call back later.
Can I help it if that filthy little slut keeps answering?
I want that on the record right next to
my slanderous Over your dead body, sir!
That's enough!
Mrs. Kirby!
Is it your testimony, then, that you made
these calls to your ex-daughter-in-law not
with the intent to annoy or harass, but simply
out of concern for the welfare of your grandson?
Yes, it is.
Thank you.
I have nothing further.
No cross.
Mrs. Kirby, you're excused.
The defense rests, Your Honor.
Can we waive closing arguments?
Yes.
Well, I'd like to say Nothing you could
say, Miss Perkins, could possibly sway me.
Will the defendant please rise?
Mrs. Kirby, I'm sure you're a
very giving grandparent, but you
have no right to call this woman
to tell her she's a bad mother.
You have no right to threaten her or to
use obscene language.
If you want to file a report with the
social services, that's one thing,
but those repeated calls constitute a criminal violation.
Don't do it.
Now, what I'm going to do is continue this
matter without a finding for one year.
If you behave, I'll dismiss the complaint at that time.
But if you continue to make these calls, I will
find you guilty on the facts presented to me today.
I'll slap you with a big fine,
and I'll make you spend a week in jail.
Now, I know you don't want that to happen.
So no more calls.
Now, Mr. Handelman, Ms. Perkins, approach the bench.
Let me offer you these observations, Ms. Perkins,
in the hope that you learn something from them.
I found your irresponsible rejection of
the city attorney's offer coupled with a
defense strategy that all but assured
conviction and compounded by your
inability to control your own client to be
shamefully unprofessional.
Please be so kind to tell your firm that
the next time they look to send
inexperienced attorneys out to cut their
teeth, that they stay away from my courtroom.
That's all.
Are.
You absolutely sure about this?
Abby, I am sorry about McGrath.
If I'd known it was going to get transferred
to him, I never would have sent you in.
He is a bear.
I was a mess, Victor.
I couldn't even think straight in there.
I remember my first trial.
All I got was an upset stomach,
two wobbly knees, and a guilty verdict.
Seriously, I had to run out after the trial
and throw up on my new pair of shoes.
I'm not meant to be a trial lawyer.
I should just be the little office mole,
researching, site-checking, stuff like that.
It happens to everybody.
It happens to everybody, Abby.
The only thing that really matters is the result.
And Mrs. Kirby got a good one.
Don't try to make me feel better, Victor.
You weren't there.
But I was.
Excuse us for a minute, Victor.
Sure.
For what it's worth, I thought the judge was out of line.
Oh, but you weren't, telling him it was me
who wanted the trial.
It was the truth.
He was against me from the start and you
contributed to that.
Listen, it happens.
I lost my first case too.
Oh, and you just love rubbing my nose in it, don't you?
Not really.
Then why did you come down here?
To ask you out on a date.
A date?
What's with you?
What's with you?
You do everything you can to embarrass me
in court and then you come marching in here.
Hey, I just tried my case.
You embarrassed yourself.
I don't know what the hell I was thinking
when I came in here.
Hiya, George.
Stink it, counselor.
Status, Cromwell.
Unchanged.
Stuart is currently in San Francisco on the Chapman case.
And in her first major league at bat,
Douglas, Victor, even the great ones strike out.
I trust, Miss Perkins, you will dig in at the plate
next time at bat and hit the ball out of the park.
Thank you.
Even Richard Nixon lost his first case.
Finally, negotiations, as you all know, are
proceeding apace vis-a-vis merging with Marshall Taft.
Uh, Douglas, if you'll permit me,
after a great deal of thought,
I have come to regret the position I took on the merger.
All right, Annie.
The decision was made emotionally and in
haste, and I don't think I had the firm's best interest.
Or even my own at heart.
So I'm formally changing my yes vote to a no.
Leaving us where?
Back at 3-3.
Anyone else care to recant while you still got the chance?
Well, actually, I've been thinking about it.
Douglas.
I truthfully am quite put off by their
hands-on style of management.
Further, after several sessions of hard
negotiation, it's become clear that the
upfront dollars once talked about are illusory.
What?
They've proposed payment over a seven-year span.
What, seven years?
Non-negotiable.
Oh, forget that.
Besides, I, uh, I had lunch with a guy who
used to work for them in Chicago.
He says it was like boot camp.
Let's tell him to go to hell.
Okay.
Leland, that makes you the only one left.
I'll bow to the will of the majority.
Rox, we're not merging.
Deal's off.
Call my realtor quick.
It's a dress code.
Thank you.
Personally, I think you made the right decision.
I hope so.
Sometimes bigger really is better.
Well, for what it's worth, I chose Mckenzie
Brackman because of you and because they were small.
I've had no reason to regret my decision on either count.
Thank you.
Ann, I think I told you the first time we went to
dinner together that flirtation is just not my style.
The last few weeks working with you so intimately, I've
Well, I've grown intensely attracted.
Attracted to you?
I'm sorry, George.
You're as attracted to me as I am to you.
I can feel it.
Maybe at another time in my life.
So what you're saying is that you're a
tease, that you just like to flirt.
No.
Oh, yes, that you enjoy shooting up these
little sexual flares, late-night meetings,
the intimate little touches.
What was the real agenda, Ann?
This Markowitz character?
Pump me up so you can yank his leash?
If I gave you any mixed signals, I apologize.
But I'm in love with this Markowitz character.
And if you'll excuse me, I've got to catch a plane.
Mr. Becker, your realtor tells me you have
a written offer to present on our house.
Arnie, and actually, to be totally candid
with you, I don't want to buy your house.
Well, in that case, I've got better things
to do with my time.
Mr. Alport.
Mrs. Alport, please.
I know this seems very unorthodox,
but the truth is, my heart went out to
both of you when I heard about your situation.
What did you hear?
Just that the house that you bought in
hopes of showing up at troubled marriage
had become a mirror of your shattered dreams.
Who the hell is this jerk?
Listen, pal, our marriage is none of your damn business.
Actually, it is my business.
Literally, I mean.
I'm a divorce lawyer.
Well, we already have a couple of sharks bleeding us dry.
In fact, I happen to admire and respect both of your
attorneys, and I'm not trying to steal their business.
So what's in it for you?
Absolutely nothing more than the
satisfaction of seeing two people who
probably love each other very much work out their problems.
Love?
Well, the little woman sure had a hell of
a way of showing it.
It was nothing.
A cry for attention.
What the hell do you know about this?
Only people who love each other punish
each other this much.
Well, thanks a lot, Dr. Freud.
Tell me, Gordon, look me right in the eye and tell me that
you never did it with another woman while you were married.
So the house became a very good way to
avoid dealing with your real problems.
Since the day we bought it, we were at
each other's throats.
Of course, it happens all the time.
It's not your fault.
The decisions, the constant hassles,
you know, I get enough of that stuff at work.
I didn't need to come home to that punishment.
Maybe you could have been a little bit more understanding.
And maybe you could have been more sensitive to her needs.
Oh, come on.
Don't
Marriage is like a ship in the ocean.
Sometimes you just have to ride the storm out.
Let's give it another try.
Please, come home.
I can't live there.
Well, I don't want to sell it.
Look, how about in the spirit of compromise, you lease it?
I could live with that.
Me too, I guess.
Excuse me.
Buy a lady a drink?
What would the lady be drinking?
You know how to make a Venus butterfly?
No, I'm sorry, that one's not in my repertoire.
That's okay.
It's in mine.
Are you here alone at the hotel?
Perhaps we could go to your room?
I have to call room service.
I know.