Leanne (2025) s01e15 Episode Script

1
I love Sunday service, but why do I eat
like it's actually the Last Supper?
Hey, did Pastor Dave seem off to you?
I mean, he kind of went
into a fugue state during the sermon.
Well, the man's 85, bless his heart.
You try coming up
with a fresh take every Sunday.
Hey, you want to swing by the?
- Are we alive?
- I think so.
- Are you hurt?
- No. No. You?
No, I'm good.
Sorry!
I pressed the brakes, but nothing happened
until your car stopped me.
It's okay, Mary. It's not your fault.
Yes, it is.
And why are you driving Jerry's car?
I only drive it on Sundays because I know
how much he loves joining me at church.
A second sooner and we all
would have been joining Jerry in glory.
How did we come out of this okay?
We should all be chalk marks
on the street.
The good Lord must have been
looking out for us.
Well, you and me,
we were Carol's spiritual airbags.
Am I the only one that peed a little?
- No.
- No.
- You couldn't sleep either?
- I'm still shaking.
Me too.
Andrew offered
to stay on the phone with me all night.
Isn't that sweet?
I tried counting sheep,
but they all looked like Mary.
I can't stop thinking
about how we could have died.
I know.
My life flashed before my eyes.
Mine too.
I was not happy with what I saw.
Leanne?
I'm sorry, but mine was magnificent.
I'm talking picture-perfect, no regrets.
Of course it was. You're a saint.
- Well, Carol, I wouldn't go that far.
- No, it's true.
You've lived your life right.
My bad karma caused the accident,
and your good karma saved us.
I don't know about that.
But we've been spared for a reason.
Our job must not be done here.
You're right.
I have to change my ways.
No more dark cloud Carol.
From now on,
nothing but kindness, service.
No more making fun of people.
Starting right now!
Maybe we should check on Mary.
She's gotta be rattled too.
Hell no, that ginger assassin
almost killed us!
Okay, starting now.
Well, what's all this?
I woke up early to make you breakfast.
Project Good Deeds
is off to a greasy start.
Well, thank you,
nice lady in Carol's skin.
Hey.
- What are you doing here?
- Tyler told me about the accident.
- I wanted to see if you were okay.
- Thank you, but we're fine.
Hey, big guy. You hungry?
She hit her head?
Better. She hit her heart.
Pretty small target.
Come on, give me your best.
My nose looks like a can opener.
My arms dangle like a puppet.
I look like a rubber chicken.
But meaner, you know, 'cause it's you.
Bill, who hurt you?
You.
I like the new Carol.
I don't. It's deeply unsettling.
Staring down death can change a person.
It certainly puts things in perspective.
You're breaking things off
with Agent J. Edgar Loser?
No, I'm very happy in my relationship,
thank you.
If he's so great,
why isn't he here comforting you like me?
There is nothing comforting about this.
But my close call has had me thinking
about loose ends that need tidying up.
Want me to get my golf clubs
out of the garage?
No, I want you to get
your future corpse out of our burial plot.
I bought those plots for our anniversary.
And as romantic as that was…
things have changed, and I no longer
want to spend eternity lying next to you.
Where am I supposed to go?
I want to be near the kids.
Why don't we tuck you up
into one of those walls
with a nice view of the rest of us?
No, I have every right
to rot underground with my family.
I knew you'd have an attitude.
Well, if it's so groovy over on the wall,
why don't you go there?
Because I birthed
and breastfed these children.
Well… I breastfed our mortgage.
Well, when I was dilated nine centimeters,
you were eating a bag of pork rinds.
This is not a fair fight.
All right, I've updated
all my health insurance documents.
Bill is officially out,
and you are now my emergency contact.
Ooh! That goes in Carol's good file.
- It really doesn't work that way.
- It does for me.
Rack it, big guy.
You know, I don't want to say I'm glad
this accident happened, but I kind of am.
- We're making positive changes.
- Yeah.
I'm finding
all sorts of ways to give back.
Check it out.
I'm one PayPal click away
from adopting a gorilla.
His name's Kamandi.
They send you a picture every month,
some of his artwork.
He likes to finger paint.
We're not putting those on our fridge.
Mary, what's wrong?
Well, the mechanic called.
Jerry's car is totaled and they're gonna
smash it into one of those little cubes.
Mary, come here.
It's okay. Carol's different now.
When I drove that car,
it felt like I was sitting in Jerry's lap.
Let's get you inside.
You see that? All love.
I just can't imagine life
without Jerry's car.
The car may be gone, but you'll always
have your sweet memories.
Thank goodness I still have all
his stuff at home, right where he left it.
His robe, his toothbrush,
his comb with his hair in it.
It's been seven years, Mary.
You've never cleared anything out?
No. That would make me feel lonely.
Maybe being reminded of him
makes you feel worse.
Let me take a crack at this.
I had a cat named Whiskers
because she didn't have any.
She came to me that way.
I have theories, but I'm digressing.
May I step in?
No, my crack.
Anyway, when Whiskers died,
I couldn't bring myself
to throw away her bowl.
But then I finally did,
and now it's like, who cares?
Carol's new at comforting.
You know, we have found that this accident
has been an opportunity for change.
I don't care for change.
Well, I think Jerry's car
being taken from you is the first step.
Now you're ready to let go of the rest,
hair in a comb and all.
I've tried to do it,
but I just can't face it alone.
I'll help.
We'll both help.
Yeah, but I said it first.
You… You will?
Of course.
This is gonna be a thing now.
What is Jerry's shoehorn telling you?
I know this is taking long,
but I really appreciate your patience
as I walk through the land of Jerry.
Donate.
See? There you go.
Okay, now how about
we tackle this sock drawer?
I'm gonna need a breather.
I'll be right back.
I did not know
what we were signing up for.
I knew we were in trouble
when she wept over his mouth guard.
Yeah.
But we're being of service,
and we can feel good about that.
Sure.
What's wrong?
If we had died in that accident,
someone would be looking through
our stuff like this.
I know.
The idea of Josie and Tyler
grieving over my belongings,
it just breaks my heart.
No, but that's just it.
At least you have people
who'd care about your stuff.
My life has
no sentimental value to anyone.
That's not true.
It is true, and I feel so stupid
for trying to cram through good deeds
to give my life purpose.
Carol, don't say that.
Please. No one's gonna be crying
over my Waterpik.
All right, I'm back.
Great.
Jerry's suspenders, in or out? I say out.
- I didn't get to hold them.
- We're done with that. Next!
Sorry, Jerry.
In the end, we're all just
garbage bags in a hallway.
I never thought we'd get that comb of hair
out of her tiny little praying hands.
It's all so depressing.
You know, Pastor Dave
is on the other side of that door.
Why don't you go
and have a little talk with him?
Why? I'm fine.
There's a psychological term
for people like you.
It's called "help-resistant complainer."
Either become a shrink or shut up.
Pastor Dave, if Leanne asks,
we had a nice talk.
Who are you?
Hey. I'm Pastor Tom.
Where's Pastor Dave?
Yeah, so he…
He had to take a bit of a leave,
which… …was really unexpected,
seeing as how I was surfing
the waves in Costa Rica.
It was a mission trip. Don't judge.
And then suddenly,
you're needed in Knoxville.
And I was like, "no way."
But then…
God was like, "Yes way."
And here we are.
Is this a joke?
No.
I'm sort of like a substitute teacher.
Substitute preacher! That is good.
So… how can I help you?
No offense, but substitute teachers
are usually substitutes for a reason.
Because they suck.
Yeah. That was a little strong,
but I get where you were going with that.
You know, me personally,
I just love not being stuck
in one place for a long time.
And, you know, I get to see the world
and meet new people.
I came to the calling late,
so it's just all an adventure for me.
What were you doing with your life before?
Pfft, I mean,
I wanted to be Tom Petty.
Instead, I ended up selling ink cartridges
for printers and, you know,
blah, blah, blah.
I always found the "blah, blah, blah"
was the best part.
Well, why don't you have a seat
and we'll go blah for blah.
Hey, look, I get it.
You're used to Pastor Dave
and not some stranger.
No, actually, I never do this.
Ever.
I'm more of a "fix your own problems
on the street" kind of gal.
How's that working?
My life has no meaning.
Cool!
- Cool?
- Yeah.
You'd be surprised how often I hear that.
I've felt it many times myself.
Of course, it's a lie,
but the feelings aren't.
It's not a lie. I don't have kids.
All my relationships have failed.
I don't have a career.
I live with my sister.
And my God,
saying this out loud is humiliating!
You're being really
hard on yourself, all right?
Why don't we just
take these one at a time?
I can't do this.
Hang on. Wait a second.
- That was fast.
- Yeah, I'm fixed. Let's go.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Mary made us a lemon meringue pie.
It was Jerry's favorite.
Apparently, he wants to thank us too.
Knock yourself out.
Come on.
It's not fun eating pie alone.
I said no.
Okay, that's it. You're being an idiot.
Excuse me?
This whole "if you were gone
no one would care" thing
is getting really old.
You're Josie and Tyler's aunt.
Before you want to just throw that out,
they love you, and they need you.
And you're the one
they tell all their secrets to.
And don't get me started
about Mom and Daddy.
You keep them on their toes.
Heck, you're the reason they're alive.
And Bill may be a royal butthole,
but you're the only sister
he's ever known.
Are you done?
No.
Because most of all…
most of all,
if something ever happened to you,
I don't know how I would go on.
You're my other half.
And you think Mary's crazy with that hair?
I would shave your head
and wear it as a wig.
Well, it took a while,
but I knew you'd make it about you.
You're pushing my breast into this pie.
And Jerry's loving it.
Why didn't you girls
tell me about your accident?
I had to hear about it at bingo.
We're fine, Mama.
No sense in worrying you.
Why's Dad been calling me
about our burial plot?
How would you feel about him
spending eternity up in a wall?
I've got a baby and another on the way.
I need simpler questions.
My goodness.
All the Connor boys
are wearing Jerry's suspenders.
It's like he's here!
See? Not garbage in a hallway.
Who's this hippie?
He's filling in for Pastor Dave.
He's handsome.
If he plays the guitar, I'm out.
Good morning.
Yeah, I know, not him.
Your Pastor Dave is okay.
Just taking a little bit of leave
to focus on his health.
And so we'll keep him in our prayers.
Take your time, Pastor Dave.
Just take your time.
I'm Pastor Tom,
and I am your substitute preacher.
I'm originally from Iowa,
but I've done a lot
of moving around in my life,
which has made planting roots hard,
so it's just me.
And an old turtle named Anthony.
- He's different.
- Anyway…
Yeah.
Give me a chance to get to know you.
My door is always open.
All right!
Let's kick this off with a song.
I learned this
from a Mississippi Delta blues man.
I'm no Tom Petty,
but I played with the words,
and I'll repeat them a few times.
I think you'll catch on.
I'm out.
As far as first sermons go,
that wasn't half bad.
So I didn't suck?
I'm sorry.
I said that when I didn't know
you were a turtle owner.
Well, you seem a little better
than when I saw you last.
I am.
But I think…
I think I'm ready to tackle
the "blah, blah, blah."
That's what I'm barely paid for.
I don't know where to begin.
Well, let's just start with your name.
My putter's missing.
I threw it on the roof.
- Why?
- To try to get the rake down.
Why was the rake on the roof?
To get the tennis racket down.
How long you want to do this?
I'm done. I'm done.
Before you go,
I've thought long and hard,
and I've decided
to let you keep your burial plot.
Well, thank you for giving me
what I already own.
But I have one request.
You got to make room for Carol.
She's sliding in between us.
How?
I don't know. Side by side?
Head to toe?
Bury you straight down
like a couple of tent poles?
Tell me more about this wall.