Leave It to Beaver (1957) s01e15 Episode Script

1
[Ward] When you're a little fellow,
you can usually tolerate a fair amount
of affection from your parents.
And you can even stand a reasonable amount
from your big brother.
But when a strange female decides to be affectionate,
it really presents a disturbing problem.
And that's our story tonight on Leave It To Beaver.
[Announcer] Leave It To Beaver.
Starring Barbara Billingsley, Hugh Beaumont, Tony Dow,
and Jerry Mathers as the Beaver.
Hurry up, Beave.
We'll be late for school.
Wally, have you seen my other shoe?
No, I'm trying to find my arithmetic book.
I can't go to school without my other shoe.
Yeah, and I can't go to school
without my arithmetic book.
Wally, let's not go.
Cut it out, Beave.
We gotta go.
Here's my shoe.
Wally.
What?
You know Linda Dennison, that new girl in my class?
Yeah, what about her?
Well, she's been bothering me.
Well, if she hits you, hit her back.
No, she's been botherin' me different.
She always wants to sit next to me in the cafeteria,
and she always wants to walk home with me.
Why would she want do that, Wally?
I don't know.
You know how girls are.
If they're nice to you, they usually got an angle.
Maybe she wants to copy your homework.
Nobody ever wants to copy my homework.
Yeah, I guess so.
Hey, Beave.
What does she look like?
She looks awful.
She looks like a girl.
All girls look like girls.
Yeah, but Linda Dennison looks more like a girl
than any girl I've ever seen.
Hey, here's my arithmetic book.
It was in the wastepaper basket too.
(playful music)
Psst.
Beaver.
(kids chuckling)
(school bell rings)
Hey, Beaver.
What's in the note you got from Linda Dennison?
I don't know.
(kids giggling)
Linda likes you, Beaver.
She's your girlfriend.
No, she's not.
She just passed me a note.
She sent you a love letter.
I bet that's what she sent you.
Beaver's got a girl.
Beaver likes Linda.
It's not no love note.
It's an invitation to her party.
That's what it is.
It's an invitation to her party.
Yeah, you get one, Whitey?
No, I didn't get one.
You get one, Larry?
Uh-uh.
I never get nothin' from girls.
None of the other boys in the class
got an in invitation.
How come Linda only gave you one
if she's not your girlfriend?
I don't know.
Maybe 'cause I live close to her.
She sent you it 'cause she's your sweetheart.
I bet you'll be the only boy goin'.
Of course I won't.
I bet you there'll be a lot of guys goin'.
A whole lot.
Beaver's got a sweetheart!
Beaver's got a sweetheart!
I have not!
(kids giggling)
I have not!
I was waiting for you, Beaver.
Are you going to walk home today?
Ah
(kids giggling)
Ah, I think I gotta go to the dentist
and get some teeth put back in.
Hello, Frankie.
This is the Beaver.
Are you goin' to Linda Dennison's party tomorrow?
Oh, you ain't been invited?
Then I guess you aren't goin', huh?
Well, bye.
He ain't going either?
No.
Gee, Beave. I don't know.
It sure is narrowin' down.
Yeah, I think I'll call
[June] Boys, supper's ready.
Oh, you can call the rest of the guys later.
Time to eat.
You know, Wally,
girls can sure get you in a lot of trouble, can't they?
Well, boys, tomorrow's Saturday.
What do you have planned?
Well, they're tarring the roof down at the drugstore.
Me and Chester and Tooey are going down
to listen to workmen yell at each other.
Yeah, I'm goin' too.
Those workmen say some real funny things.
I'm sure they do.
Beaver, that reminds me.
A Mrs. Dennison called today.
Did her little girl give you an invitation
to a party tomorrow?
You mean Linda Dennison, the new girl in my class?
Yes.
Her mother said that Linda gave you the invitation
last week in school.
But you didn't mention it.
Yeah, she gave me an invitation,
but I'm pretty sure I lost it before I could read it.
Well, how'd you know it was an invitation
if you lost it before you could read it?
Well, I guess I read it, and then I lost it.
Anyway, I ain't goin'.
Beaver, you're not going.
Gee, thanks, Dad.
I thunk you'd make me.
Beaver, that's not what I meant.
Beaver, why wouldn't you want to go
to Linda Dennison's party?
I understand they're very nice people.
Yeah, he's the manager of that new plant, isn't he?
I'd kind of enjoy meeting them myself.
Maybe you and Mom would like to go
to Linda Dennison's party.
(Wally laughs)
Wally, we're trying to straighten something out here,
and you're not being much of a help.
Sorry, Dad.
Beaver, I told Mrs. Dennison
that you'd be happy to go to Linda's party.
And I can't see any reason for you to disappoint her.
But I promised Wally I'd go with him
to watch the men tar the roof.
Didn't I, Wally?
Beaver, I'm sure the men
can tar the roof very well without you.
Now, your mother told Mrs. Dennison
you were going to the party,
so I think you'd better go to the party.
Yes, sir.
(plates clink)
Sorry.
Wonder why the Beaver was so definite
about not wanting to go to Linda's party.
I don't know.
I guess kids just get kind of antisocial once in a while.
He's with Wally and the older boys too much.
Be good for him
to be with the other little boys and girls his own age.
Yeah, you'd think he'd be delighted.
Would you have been when you were his age?
Ah, well, now that I come to think of it,
I guess there were more important things
in life than girls.
Ah, catfish, beetles, bugs, frogs, worms
That's enough.
I get it.
He'll have a good time after he gets there.
Where you going?
I'm going to call the drugstore before it closes.
I think the boys are using the phone.
All right, I'll call it after it closes.
Hello, this is Beaver Cleaver.
Could I speak to Charles, please?
They're gonna go get him.
He's doing his homework.
On Friday night?
Hello, Charles.
Are you going to Linda Dennison's party?
Oh, you're not.
How about Elephant Ears?
Is he going?
Thanks anyways.
Sorry to drag you away from your homework.
Bye.
Wally, Charles isn't goin',
and Elephant Ears got the measles.
Boy.
You know, Wally, it looks to me
like I'm gonna be the only boy in my class that's goin'.
Looks to me
like you're gonna be the only boy that's goin'.
That's what I think.
Wally, why would Linda just ask me?
'Cause she's sweet on ya.
Girls do dirty things like that when they like ya.
Wally, did you ever go to an all-girl party?
No, but I went to one where there were only three boys.
It was murder.
What happened?
We tried hanging around in the kitchen,
but they made us come out and play kissin' games.
With the girls?
Sure, that's what you kiss in kissin' games.
Uh-uh, not me.
If the other fellas ever found out
I was the only boy there, it'd be awful.
Well, you're gonna have to go, 'cause Mom said you would.
Gee, Wally, I wish I had the measles like Elephant Ears.
Measles wouldn't do you any good.
Takes 'em a couple of weeks
for 'em to break out on ya.
Gee, Wally.
I can't go to an all-girl party.
I'd rather die than get kissed by all those girls.
Can't you help me?
Let me think about it.
Maybe I can think of a way to get you sick quicker.
Go on, Wally.
Call the Dennisons.
Well, it sounded like a good idea last night,
but now I don't know.
I always get in trouble when I try to help you.
Anything's better than gettin' kissed by all those girls.
Yeah, I guess so.
Hope I don't get Mr. Dennison.
Wally, if this works,
how am I gonna keep Mom and Dad from gettin' wise?
That's easy.
All you do is put on your blue suit
and leave the house with a present,
as though you were going to the party.
Yeah, but where's a guy gonna go
on a Saturday afternoon in a blue suit?
I don't know.
That's your problem.
Do I gotta think of everything?
Maybe I could hang around the church.
They might be having a wedding.
When it gets dark, I'll come home.
I sure hope that present I'm bringing Linda
is something to eat.
Hello.
Could I speak to Linda Dennison?
It's her sister.
She's gonna get her.
Hello, Linda.
(clears throat)
Hello, Linda.
This is Mr. Ward Cleaver,
father of Wally and Beaver Cleaver.
About your party this afternoon,
my son will be unable to attend.
Huh?
Oh, he come down with somethin'.
Unexpected, Wally.
Yeah.
He come down with somethin' unexpected.
As his father, I don't think I should expose you
and the other girls to his germs.
Ah, yes, the ones he come down with.
It's working great, Beaver.
This Linda's really fallin' for it.
Hello, my wife and I are very sorry
he will not be in attendance.
The doctor said he can't go to any parties for 24 hours.
Thank you, good-bye.
You were great, Wally.
You even sounded better than Dad.
(Wally chuckles)
Oh, hi, Dad.
I guess you just come in here, huh?
No.
You been here long?
Just long enough.
Gee, Dad, I don't know what to say.
You didn't seem at any loss for words on the phone.
Yeah, I guess not.
Beaver, I'm going to call the Dennisons
and tell them you're coming to the party.
I want you to go upstairs and put on your blue suit.
Yes, sir.
You can spend the rest of the day in your room, Wally.
Yes, sir.
Dad.
Yeah, what is it, Beaver?
Don't worry.
I'm not really sick.
Oh, hi, Mom.
Wally.
What are you doing?
Those are your clean socks.
I'm just practicing basketball, Mom.
Well, you were sent up here as a punishment.
Just 'cause I'm bein' punished,
does that mean I have to be miserable?
Wally, your father just took Beaver to the party.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself,
calling up the Dennisons and acting like that.
I was just trying to help the Beaver.
He didn't wanna go to the party.
I don't know why not.
He'll have a lot of fun with his little friends.
Yeah, but there's not gonna be any friends there, Mom.
Just girls.
Just girls?
Yeah, you know, Mom, how fellas hate girls.
You mean to tell me
that Beaver is the only boy at that party?
Uh-huh, they're gonna kiss him and everything.
Wally, why didn't you tell your father and me about this
instead of going through all
that business on the telephone?
Well, gee, Mom, we figured that you and Dad were so old,
well, you wouldn't understand
about boys having to kiss girls and stuff like that.
Oh, Wally,
I guess sometimes we do seem that way.
Poor old Beaver.
I really feel sorry for him.
Well, here we are.
You go on in.
Come home right after the party.
Beaver, (chuckles) get on in there.
We're late already.
Now, go ahead.
Uh-uh.
Beaver, go ahead on in and stop acting silly.
I'm not going to that crummy old party.
Theodore, are you defying me?
No, sir.
Just ain't goin'.
All right, we'll see about that.
Hi, Mr. Cleaver.
Ah, hello, Mrs. Dennison.
Beaver, it's Beaver, it's Beaver!
(party horns tooting) (girls chattering)
All right, Beaver.
I'm not gonna go.
Beaver, you get on in there now
and stop acting like a child.
Come on, Beaver.
Hurry up, Beaver.
We're just going to have the ice cream and cake.
Yeah, he'll be right with you, dear.
I think his shoe is untied.
Beaver, if you don't get in there this minute,
when I get you home, you're really going to be punished.
How dare you embarrass your mother and me like this.
Please don't make me, Dad.
Beaver, get on in to that party now and enjoy yourself.
Do you hear me?
All right.
Come! (Girls chattering)
He's coming, children.
All right, I'll go to their party.
But you'll be sorry.
I'll eat so much cake and ice cream, I'll bust wide open.
I might even die.
Beaver, Beaver!
Come on, Beaver!
Come on, Beaver!
(girls chattering)
Come on, Beaver.
Ward.
It was the worst experience I ever had.
Ward.
I practically had to drag him out of the car.
I don't know what's gotten into him.
Ward, I was just talking to Wally,
and the reason the Beaver didn't want to go to the party,
he's the only boy invited.
You mean all those kids in dresses were girls?
I mean, I know they were girls,
but you mean that's all there was?
Uh-huh, it's an all-girl party.
Well, instead of going through all this,
why didn't he just tell us?
Because we're too old to understand things like this.
What?
Well, that's the explanation Wally gave,
and I think he may have a point.
[Linda] Who wants some popcorn?
[Girls] Ooh!
All right now, all you girls gather round.
Come on, hurry.
Come on, Patty, Betty, Linda.
Oh, you too, Beaver.
It's time for our lucky drawing.
[Girls] Ooh!
Oh, and we have a wonderful prize.
Now, I put all your names on these slips of papers,
and Linda will draw the winner.
Go ahead Linda.
My, isn't this exciting?
Here you are, Mommy.
Oh, thank you, dear, thank you.
My, isn't this exciting?
Let's see, the name of our lucky winner is, Beaver Cleaver.
Here, dear.
I'm glad you won the prize, Beaver.
What's in it?
I don't know.
My daddy bought it.
Go on, open it up.
[Mrs. Dennison] Perhaps Beaver would prefer
to open it later, dear.
Oh, no, go on, open it, Beaver.
Please, Beaver.
[Doll] Mama.
I'm sorry I punished you, Wally.
I just didn't understand the circumstances.
Oh, that's all right, Dad.
I had no idea it was an all-girl party.
Bet it's gonna be kind of rough on the Beaver.
You know, Dad, I wouldn't mind so much
going to an all-girl party now
as I would have when I was the Beaver's age.
Yeah, I can understand that.
That's because we, well, we just grow up.
(playful music)
(giggling)
[Girls] Ooh, cold.
Cold.
Hot, hot, hot.
Oh, that's good, Betty.
Who's next?
I'm getting tired of this.
Let's play something else.
[Girls] Yeah.
My mother's in the kitchen.
Let's play post office.
That's a kissing game.
We need boys.
The Beaver's here.
He's a boy.
Beaver.
Where did he go to?
He was here a minute ago.
(suspenseful music)
Oh, hi there, Beaver.
Oh, hi, Mr. Dennison.
I hope I'm not 'sturbin 'ya.
Oh, no, no, not at all.
As a matter of fact, I was expecting you sooner.
I know what it's like to be the
only rooster at a hen party.
I mean, a gathering of delightful young ladies.
Sit down, Beaver.
You're perfectly safe here.
Gee, thanks, Mr. Dennison.
I thunk I was gonna have to kiss some of 'em.
Little afraid of girls, eh, Beaver?
Kinda sorta.
They can be pretty terrifying at times.
You know, when Mrs. Dennison entertains her bridge club,
I always sneak away and hole up in here.
Yeah, they'd never come in here with all the guns you got.
Well, I haven't had to use any of them
on Mrs. Dennison's guests yet.
You like guns, huh, Beaver?
Oh, sure.
Come on over and take a look at my collection.
Gee, could I really hold one?
Oh, sure.
This is a Sharps carbine.
The kind Buffalo Bill used.
To shoot buffalo?
Or an Indian or two.
Pow pow pow!
Take it easy, Beaver.
That's a single shot.
Yeah, I guess you gotta watch that.
Now, then, here's a gun that should interest you.
It's the kind the gunslingers carried.
It's an old Colt frontier model.
See the way that trigger's tied back?
The old-timers used to fan the gun.
Gee, bam bam bam!
Keep going, Beaver.
It's a six-shooter.
Pow pow pow!
Pow!
Now, then.
Here is a gun belt
they tell me was once worn by Billy the Kid.
Boy.
Would you care to strap it on?
Gee, could I?
Sure.
I guess Billy the Kid was a little bit fatter than I is.
I'm afraid so.
(chuckles)
Now, here, Beaver.
It's getting kind of late.
I wonder where the Beaver is.
Oh, he'll be along.
It's only a few blocks.
Oh.
You know, I'm not gonna know what to say to him
after throwing him into that nest of girls.
I suppose he'll hate us for it,
and I can't say I blame him.
Yes, when we saw he didn't want to go,
we at least might have listened to his explanation.
I'm afraid we were more concerned
with not offending the Dennisons
than we were of his feelings.
Ah, he'll get over it.
I don't know.
Dragging him into that party, boy.
A thing like that can affect a boy.
It's like those parents
who used to make a boy sit in a dark room
to get over his fear of the dark.
Well, if he's anything like his father,
his fear of girls won't last too long.
Yeah.
Well, I don't know.
He seemed awfully
(door clicks)
Hi, Mom, hi, Dad.
Hi, Beaver.
How was the party?
Ah, Beaver, I'm very sorry I made you go.
And if you'd prefer not to talk about it, we understand.
Oh, no, I had a swell time.
Where's Wally?
Upstairs in his room.
Well, now what's the matter with you?
Well, now I am confused.
A boy that age going to an all-girl party
and enjoying himself.
You know, that little character is beginning to worry me.
(jaunty music)
Oh, hi, Beave.
I didn't hear you come in.
How was the party?
It wasn't bad.
It was like all parties.
The kids ate,
and the big people yelled at us not to spill stuff.
I know, but did you have to kiss all the girls?
No, but I won a doll.
A doll?
Well, what did you do with it?
I gave it to a fat lady who was waitin' for a bus.
Oh, what are you writin'?
A note to Linda Dennison.
I'm gonna give it to her in class on Monday.
Let me see it.
No, it's just between her and me.
Bet you're gettin' sweet on her.
Give me that.
"Dear Linda,"
"Could I walk you home ï, rom school today?"
"I would like to see you and your father's guns again."
"Your friend, Beaver Cleaver."
Wow, for a minute there
I thought you were beginnin' to like girls.
(upbeat music)
(dramatic music)