The Doomies (2026) s01e15 Episode Script

1
Oh, only thing worse
than these cards are my eyes.
-[all chuckle]
-And my teeth.
[all laughing]
And my hip.
[both laugh]
-Oh!
-[gasps]
[all grunting]
[groaning]
[all screaming]
[cawing]
[grunts, groans]
[all growling]
[all cackling]
[Bobby] A new Light Keeper
is exciting and all,
but we had a good thing going here, right?
If he teaches us
some of his epic magic, I'm so in.
He saved your lives where I failed.
He's proved himself in my eyes.
Doug was supposed to guide me
but never did.
Maybe some new directives will be good.
[person] Attention!
-Ooh!
-[Bobby chuckles]
"Chosen one," hey?
Usually, Light Keepers only summon
your kind in case of real emergencies.
Not only did Doug
reach for this nuclear option too soon,
he let you go rogue,
and now you've failed in your duties
to protect the citizens of Ouimper.
But I'm willing to offer you
a chance to redeem yourself
and finally reach your true potential.
I am going to make this lighthouse
a shining beacon of monster-free order.
After all, I am the Council
of the Light Keepers' very best.
[all] Whoa!
I've been dispatched
straight from Belgium,
where nothing ever happens.
In fact, it's the most unhappening place
on Earth, all thanks to me. Yeah.
And I plan to bring that same discipline
and expertise to Ouimper
and right this sinking ship.
[both giggle]
And my first official act
is swearing Bobby Lafrousse
and Romy Rodriguez
into the Order of the Light Keepers!
[both gasp]
Mostly because you refuse to leave
and your previous but limited experience
with the supernatural.
-Whoo! That sounds like us!
-[exclaims]
-[chuckles]
-This guy rules!
You rule.
I wanna hug you.
-Can I hug you?
-No.
[Romy, Bobby] Membership cards?
-[gasps]
-[laughs] Yes!
This is a real honor, and under my watch,
you two are going to earn it.
[both] Oh, yes, sir.
We will, sir. [chuckle]
Bobby, we've gotta document
this momentous occasion and--
Uh-uh-uh. Being a Keeper is a sacred duty,
not for silly videos on the interwebs
or what have youse.
And those sacred duties start here.
[grunting, sighs]
Pretty sure there's dirt under this dirt
and even more dirt under that dirt.
Yeah, I've noticed.
[groans] Mop cramps are something else.
Relax. Killjoy is clearly
prepping us for the next stage.
Once he's done training Kim,
we'll be next.
You've been slacking, chosen one.
-You need purpose and guidance.
-[straining]
Luckily, I'm here to restore you
to your former glory.
Guidance, purpose, waffles.
Now, let's kick things up a notch.
[grunts]
[gasps]
[grunts]
[grunts] Good.
Remember, timing is key.
Strike when they least expect it.
Use your strength to your advantage!
Killjoy-trained Kim is
actually pretty awesome.
Sure, it's tough love,
but his methods could be totes worth it.
A true chosen one never falters.
Again!
Maybe one day I could crush rocks.
Maybe we need to scrub harder.
[both] Tough love!
[Bobby snoring]
[Kim grunts, groans]
-[alarm ringing]
-[Bobby, Romy scream]
Gear up. We've got a surge
in local supernatural energy.
Whoo-hoo! Finally some action.
Can't wait to put all that training--
And scrubbing into practice.
Time to give those monsters a drubbing.
Combat missions are for Kim only.
[stammers] But we usually help.
How can I trust you with busting monsters
if I can't trust you
to properly scrub the sink?
But… [stammers] …it's sparkling.
Not sparkling enough.
Can you see it from space?
Then it's not ready.
Oh, scrub this.
We're Light Keepers, not cleaners.
I say we prove ourselves out on the field.
[grannies chattering, chuckling]
Oh, that's yummy.
Oh, yummy. Yummy. Mmm. [mutters]
Oh, that's good.
[grunts]
Are you lost, deary?
We can help you find your way…
to your doom.
[laughs]
[grunts, groans]
-It's that way.
-[grunts, groans]
-No, this way.
-No, this way.
-[grunts]
-Actually, over there.
-[grunts, groans]
-Stop hitting yourself.
Why are you hitting yourself?
-[grannies laughing]
-[Kim grunts]
[grannies yelp, grunt]
[all groan]
[grunts]
-[groans]
-[Bobby, Romy whimper]
What are you two doing here?
I thought we were a team.
And we want to prove ourselves
just as much as you.
No! I can't risk putting you in danger.
Not again.
I'm sure we can handle what…
Oh!
[grannies laughing]
Kim! You okay?
[groans, vomits]
[Bobby, Romy scream]
[coughs]
-[grannies laughing]
-[Bobby, Romy scream]
[laughing continues]
[both screaming]
Give Granny a little kiss.
[screams]
Maybe we can't handle this.
[both scream]
[grunts, groans]
[strains]
[Bobby, Romy whimper]
[grannies laughing]
I almost had them, and you messed it up!
You shouldn't have been here!
I was about to say the same thing.
[groans]
[both groan]
Back to the lighthouse.
Hmm.
[both gasp]
[winces] That should've been easier.
[groans] Oh, we're really getting old.
[grunts]
Oh, maybe that's it.
Let's get young.
By joining a gym?
Beans to that.
By performing a rejuvenation spell.
[laughs] Oh, but for that,
we're gonna need
a very special ingredient.
[all] Babies! [laughing]
[Killjoy] Disobeying a direct order,
acting well above your station,
and worst of all,
you interfered with a mission.
-Those witches--
-Aren't evil.
They're actually super sweet.
Well, usually.
Those witches are monsters
that need to be destroyed.
That's the job.
That's what Keepers do.
But… [sighs]
But they're the local grannies.
They've watched us grow up.
They're a bit, mmm, eccentric maybe,
-but they're sweet as pie.
-Oh, of course.
It's all part of the thing,
and it's growing.
Okay, we didn't have
a chance to tell you earlier,
but there's a larger evil
that's been spreading through Ouimper.
It's been turning teens into wolves, okay?
And-And cars into monsters,
and now innocent grannies into evil hags.
[groans] Innocent monsters, huh?
Enough!
But we're telling the truth.
There's still good in them.
We just need to reach out and save them.
From the heart.
[sighs] I was wrong to let you
into the Order of the Light Keepers.
You clearly aren't cut out for it.
I'm officially revoking your status
and your membership cards.
[groans]
[grunts, strains]
I, uh, might've laminated it.
[Killjoy groans, grunts]
I made a copy. It's also laminated.
You can't just kick us out.
Oh, but I can.
This is my lighthouse.
Fine. Keep your lighthouse,
but we're not leaving without Kim.
-She belongs to the Light Keepers.
-[groaning]
You've led her astray once already,
and it's taken too much to fix her.
You make her sound like a machine.
Of which she is.
Perfectly fine-tuned to destroy monsters.
An unwavering, unquestioning chosen one.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go clean up your mess
and finish off those witches
before anyone else gets hurt.
[Bobby] Wait!
-[grunts]
-[Killjoy] Nope.
I locked the door. Yep.
That's what locks are for.
Locked it.
We can't let our friend go back
to being some mindless machine.
And we can't let him hurt those grannies.
Hmm. There's gotta be a solution
in Doug's old grimoires.
[sighs] But Mr. "I know how to lock doors"
is never letting us
back in there, so… [sighs]
Actually, I might have a few books at home
I, "long-term borrowed."
[chuckles] Whoa.
Then what are we waiting for?
Let's get reading.
Eh, sounded cooler in my head.
[grannies cackling]
[chattering, groaning]
[granny] Seems like we're not the only
ones with a serious aging problem.
Not enough young blood in this town.
[children laughing]
[laughs] Young 'uns.
Oh, this looks promising.
And plenty for leftovers.
Ah, there's nothing in this one either.
Any luck, guys?
[Romy's siblings scream]
Come on, guys.
We need to concentrate here. Hmm?
[siblings screaming]
[gasps] Bobby!
[sibling grunts, screams]
No, no, no, no, no, no!
-No!
-[siblings screaming]
-[whimpers]
-Wait!
We're never gonna catch them
that way, Romy.
But I've got an idea.
[grannies laughing]
[squeaking]
-Such sweet little girls.
-[munching]
So young and full of vim.
[inhales deeply] And vigor. Yum!
Don't touch me with your ugly hands,
which are not half as bad as your breath.
[groans] Which is really, really bad.
[granny 2] At last, the Wicked Wicker.
-It'll help us complete our wicked deeds.
-[thunderclap]
Ah, there.
A snug cauldron
for the delicious little children.
[grannies laughing]
Scared now. Super scared.
But their breath still stinks.
[squeaking]
[gasps] Romy, look!
Your sisters left us a trail to follow.
Crumbs? Smart cookies.
The trail leads this way.
[thunderclap]
To the creepy cliffs.
You're in my way and on my foot.
[chuckles]
The witches, they have my sisters.
We've heard screams.
If you had let the chosen one do her job,
your sisters wouldn't be in danger.
-But no fear, I'll save them…
-[gasps]
…if you tell me where they went.
No way. If we tell you,
you're just gonna destroy those--
-They went that way.
-[stammers]
Good girl.
[Killjoy, Kim panting]
Kim, stop! Don't trust this guy.
He isn't trying to help you.
He just wants to break you.
There's got to be a better way
to save everybody…
[sighs] …and I'm gonna find it.
Hopefully.
This spell calls for only one young child,
but who's counting?
[grannies gasp]
[siblings scream]
[grannies laughing]
-[Romy panting]
-[siblings] Romy!
Are you guys okay? Don't worry.
I'll have you free in just…
Come on. There's got to be something.
Uh, "Feral frog men." No.
"Cyclops eye drops." No.
[exclaims] Paper cut. [whimpers] Ow.
"Werewolf wantons." [grunts] No!
-[grannies cackling]
-[thunderclap]
[cackles]
[cackles]
-[grunts]
-[grunts]
[groans]
[grunts]
[grunts, exclaims]
[cackles, gasps]
[groans]
-[siblings exclaim]
-Ew! Gross.
[screaming]
[grunting]
-[gasps]
-[Killjoy grunting, groaning]
Is there any way to rescue us
without old-lady teeth?
And could you do it faster?
And better? A better rescue would be good.
Shush. I'm trying to rescue you.
-[siblings whimper]
-Uh-oh.
[thunderclap]
[sighs] All right, Bobby.
Let's try it your way. From the heart.
You don't need a rejuvenation spell.
You've always been young at heart,
and kind, and generous and…
[gasps] Bobby was right.
Ants in the pants!
[whimpers]
[screams]
Why do you have to be so evil?
[grunts] And why ants?
-[chanting in Latin]
-[all gasp]
-[groans]
-If we don't stop them now,
their spell will make them invincible.
-[groans, panting]
-No. Stand back, chosen one.
This is going to obliterate
everything in its path.
[groans, screams]
[chanting in Latin]
-[gasps]
-[chanting continues]
-[laughs]
-[screams]
No!
[groans]
[all cackling]
Well, what about the kids?
It's either them or all of Ouimper.
And then the world.
Doug would never do something like this.
Because Doug did it wrong!
He was too soft,
too lenient and too caring.
Caring isn't weakness. It's a strength.
That compassion helped me
become my own person.
He made me me.
You're a machine.
You're not supposed to have
opinions or feelings or friends.
You're supposed to do what you're told.
Do what you were made for.
Well, what do you make of this?
-[grunts]
-[grunts]
[groaning]
Kim for the win. Yes! [laughs]
We haven't won yet.
[grannies cackling]
I think I've got the solution.
Just one little problem.
I can't do the incantation.
Says here only a sisterhood
can defeat a coven.
There's a sisterhood right there.
They can do it.
Well, I feel super left out.
But I understand how the patriarchy
has oppressed witches' voices
for generations,
so it's only fair, and… [gasps]
[electricity crackling]
[grannies cackling]
[siblings screaming]
[panting]
[Kim, Bobby screaming]
[grunts]
Bobby! Are you okay?
Okay. Page 1,692. You gotta chant it.
All right, sisters. Repeat after me.
[chanting in unknown language]
-[chanting in unknown language]
-[groans]
We can't let them win.
Come on, girls.
Let's throw it back in their faces.
[chanting continues]
[all gasp]
[grannies scream]
[chanting in unknown language]
-[grannies] Huh?
-[straining] Keep going!
[chanting in unknown language]
[gasps]
[screams]
[grunts]
[chanting in unknown language]
[Kim groaning]
-[chanting continues]
-[wheezing]
[chanting in unknown language]
[grannies groaning]
[grunting]
[Romy, siblings groaning]
-[gasps]
-[grannies screaming]
-[siblings] Romy!
-[Romy] Aw.
[straining] Huh?
[grunts, strains] Hmm.
[groans]
Oh, I'm so glad that you're okay.
And great work on that crumb trail.
[groans] I just don't get it.
One second we're baking cookies,
the next, we're rounding up babies.
[laughs] It happens to the best of us.
Maybe just take it easy from here on out?
[sighs] We have been partying hard.
All right, girls.
No more poker after 8:00. [giggles]
Oh, don't forget your, uh, t-teeth.
Oh, I'll take that. [sputters]
[gags] Not mine.
[sputters] Oh! Like a glass slipper.
[both] Ew.
-[siblings laughing]
-Come on. Let's get you home.
So, are you gonna tell Mom and Dad
about us getting kidnapped by witches
or should we do that for you?
Only if you want me to tell Mom and Dad
you were eating cookies in your room
after you brushed your teeth.
Love you. Bye.
Hey, Bobby, the way you stood up
for what you believe in,
that took real guts.
Respect, kid.
Ah, don't mention it.
Actually, I was pretty cool.
A hero, really.
Yeah, you were right all along. For once.
I'm just thankful the three of us
are on the same side again.
What, with Killjoy trying to turn you…
I don't need fake mentors
when I've got friends like you by my side.
Only, uh, without the lighthouse,
what now?
[Romy] We keep doing what we do best.
Fighting evil our own way.
[panting] I'll get even
with those Doomies.
I'll show 'em. I'll show 'em all.
[mumbles]
[chanting in unknown language]
[grunts, chanting in unknown language]
[screams]
[grunting, groaning]
[gasps]
Now to show them what a chosen one
is really made for…
[theme song playing]