Gilligan's Island (1964) s01e16 Episode Script

1
["The ballad of gilligan's island"]
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale ♪
a tale of a fateful trip ♪
that started from this tropic port ♪
aboard this tiny ship ♪
the mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪
the skipper brave and sure ♪
five passengers set sail that day ♪
for a three hour tour ♪
a three hour tour ♪
[thunder rumbling]
The weather started getting rough ♪
the tiny ship was tossed ♪
if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
the minnow would be lost ♪
the minnow would be lost ♪
the ship set ground on the shore ♪
of this uncharted desert isle ♪
with gilligan ♪
the skipper too ♪
the millionaire ♪
and his wife ♪
the movie star ♪
and the rest ♪
are here on gilligan's isle ♪
[peppy music]
(Skipper) 'Gilligan!'
'gilligan, where are you?'
gilligan. Gilligan!
What are you doing down here?
You're supposed to be
cutting bamboo Poles.
I'm digging a barbeque pit for
Mr. Howell. Goodbye, skipper.
- Goodbye, skipper?
- I gotta dig this pit.
- So long. See you later.
- Well, dig.
Oh, gilligan, let me show you
how to dig a barbeque pit.
[Gilligan gasping]
You broke the shovel, skipper.
Where is the rest of this shovel?
Gilligan, that's the fifth
shovel you've broken this week.
Sorry, skipper, but I hit
something real hard.
The only thing hard on this
island is your head.
Soft sand.
See, I told you, must be
a rock or something.
Don't feel like a rock,
it feels square, gilligan.
- A big square rock?
- Yeah.
Gilligan give me the rest of that shovel.
I think you've uncovered..
Look at the chains.
Dig!
Gilligan, I think you've
uncovered a treasure chest.
Careful. I gotta make a turn here.
Yes, gilligan, I see that
we have to make a turn.
- Give me that one.
- Another roller down.
- That's right, gilligan.
- Come on, push.
If we work as a team, it'll see us through.
Yes, but you're not pushing
hard enough. Come on.
Come on, skipper. Push, push, push.
Gilligan, I thought
we could do this together.
But since you're gonna
stand there and criticize
I'll do it myself.
Oh, never mind that.
Look at this chest, gilligan.
It must be hand forged.
Even the lock and the chain.
Forged. You mean it's an imitation?
This is the real thing. There
must be a fortune in this chest.
Let's try and get this padlock unchained.
Hand me that piece of bamboo.
Here.
I can hardly wait to see what's
inside that treasure chest.
Treasure chest!
What's in it? Oh, is it real?
- Who found it?
- Why don't you try to open it?
- Who buried it?
- Can we help?
Ginger, we don't know, maybe pirates.
Mary Ann, I did,
we're trying, and no, thanks.
It's the most exciting thing
that's happened to us.
We always read about it,
but never expect to find any.
Let's get some leverage on.
One, two, three, go.
[Screaming]
- Sorry, skipper.
- Ow, my pinkie.
Please, everybody, stand back.
I don't want anybody to be hurt
when this chain snaps.
Ah-h the gold.
Think the rust would've weakened
the chain after all this time.
I hope we can saw the chain,
with the piece of coral.
We'll find out when the girls get back.
- Well, what have we here?
- Hi, Mr. Howell.
Treasure chest, got it when I
was digging the barbeque pit.
Lovey, that's how millionaire's
used to keep their money.
Great, but it doesn't look as
though it could hold very much.
Our piggy banks are bigger than that.
Have you tried to open it?
Skipper! Skipper, maybe this'll work.
I got it off the fish we had last night.
Hold the chain. Ready?
Watch it. Cut it right.
Gilligan, I could've told you,
that wouldn't work.
You've gotta use your head.
That's why I'm using the coral.
- Does that work?
- No.
I wish the professor were here.
He could tell us how to open it.
He's on the other side,
searching in caves.
He'll be back tomorrow.
That chest's been closed
for hundreds of years.
One day wouldn't make any difference.
I suggest we have a goodnight sleep
and try first thing in the morning.
Gee, thanks for putting up
my hair, ginger.
I couldn't sleep anyway thinking
about that treasure chest.
I hope it's filled with diamonds
or gold or even silver.
What would you like to find in it?
Rock Hudson.
'Gilligan?' - yeah.
Shhh! Are you asleep?
If I am, I'm doing it with my
eyes open. Too excited to sleep.
You have every right
to be excited. Just think.
By this time tomorrow,
you might be a millionaire.
What will you do with all that money?
Firstly, I'm gonna buy
something, open that chest.
You really think I'm a millionaire?
Sure, it's your chest,
you found it, didn't you?
Yeah.
Well, finders, keepers.
What do you think is in there?
Silver and gold doubloons.
Maybe even gold bullion.
- Soup?
- No, gilligan, not soup.
Whatever it's got, it's got a lot of it.
Oh, I just wonder what's in there.
I can hardly stand the suspense.
Come to bed, thurston, it's getting late.
I can't sleep. I just keep wondering.
What wonderful, marvelous
trinkets must be in that chest?
Thurston, in all the years
we've been married
I never saw you pace the floor before.
Well, of course not. At home,
I had my Butler do it for me.
These islands can be so inconvenient.
Are you positive that
treasure chest belongs to you?
Of course, gilligan was
working for me at the time
when he was digging and found it.
He was in my employee. All
big business operates that way.
Just wish we could open that chest.
But how?
The captain and gilligan
did everything they could.
They tried everything
but picking the lock.
Picking the lock, lovey. Like
on the "late late late show."
Why don't we try that?
I'll get my knitting needle.
Gilligan, I just thought of something.
We didn't think about picking the lock.
Yeah.
Bobby pin.
I was once in a movie where I
picked a lock with a Bobby pin.
Ginger.
Oh, dear.
Quiet, lovey.
Thurston, this is fun.
I feel positively criminal.
Skipper, skipper,
I can hardly wait to find out
if I'm a gold millionaire
or Julian millionaire.
[Gasping]
- Good evening.
- A good evening, yes it is.
A beautiful evening. We're just
out for a breath of fresh air.
No, skipper,
remember we came here to
gilligan, you know Night air
is bad for my little buddy.
Shall we, uh, turn in For the night?
- Right. Goodnight, ladies.
- See you all in the morning.
Atta boy, skipper.
I knew you'd get it open.
Certainly. Let the weight of the
chest itself break it wide open.
Make it fast.
I still don't see, how you're
gonna open the chest, this way.
Very simple, Mr. Howell. All
we have to do is cut the vine.
The chest falls, and it's own weight
will break those seams wide open
when it hits the ground.
I must say that's very clever.
I must reward you with, uh, part
of my treasure chest.
Your treasure chest?
That treasure is gilligan's.
Gilligan's?
Of course, he found it. Didn't you?
You were with me, don't you remember?
Of course, I remember.
But he was working for me.
Therefore, the treasure is mine.
Finders, keepers.
But that's ridiculous. It's
the practice of any corporation.
- Gilligan is not a corporation.
- I'm not even a business.
I still say the treasure chest is mine.
- Treasure chest is gilligan's.
- It's mine.
- Gilligan's.
- Mine.
- Gilligan?
- Mine.
- It's only me.
- I thought it was Mr. Howell.
I came back to help you
protect your rights.
When ho well wants something,
he can be pretty tricky.
There you are. I thought I might
find you next to my treasure.
Gilligan's treasure.
Gentlemen, I'm sure there's
some simple and fair solution.
And what did you have in mind?
Nothing specific, perhaps
tossing a coin. Drawing straws.
Oh, what about a game of cards?
Gentlemen settle differences
with a game of cards.
Now, lovey, you know
that I know nothing about cards.
- Did I do it right?
- You did it perfectly.
- I'm a champion poker player.
- I know.
He fell right into our trap.
I was the best poker player
in the whole of the seven fleet.
We gotta make sure that he plays poker.
I think we can be coaxed
into a little game of cards.
- Where are you gonna get cards?
- Oh, cards?
By a happy coincidence, I just
happen to have a deck of cards.
- One game, winner take all?
- Yes, agreed.
- Shall we play gin rummy?
- Blackjack.
- Casino. Red dog.
- Baccarat. Whist.
Well, anything but poker.
That's my worst game.
- Mine too, but we'll play.
- Agreed.
You'll have to excuse me for not
knowing too much about cards.
- I'll cut.
- Not yet.
(Thurston) 'See, back home, I pay
attention to more important things.'
'such as Polo playing.'
'fox hunting.'
but then of course, from time to
time I did watch the boys play.
Now how many do I deal?
Why six, I think.
Five, isn't it?
He's right. I think you deal five.
Alright, whatever you say.
Now, you may cut.
Now, you may deal.
Ready?
(Professor) 'Hey, the girls
told me the fantastic news.'
that's the treasure chest?
(Gilligan) 'That's right, professor.'
'it certainly looks like the real thing.'
I understand, there is
a question to the ownership.
That's why we're playing one
game of poker, winner take all.
Back home we'd never play cards
for anything so important.
But back home, there are laws
about such things.
This fellow was in my employee.
Well, the law says finders, keepers.
If you're interested in law,
only one way to settle it.
- A court trial.
- A court trial here?
Why not?
As the law says "Lex loci Lex
script a Lexi ta ra.
'Nemo solos ab oath.'"
- what does that mean?
- Your case comes up Tuesday.
You both agree to a trial
to establish the ownership.
Right, Mr. Howell?
- Of course. I have legal right.
- Gilligan?
Skipper says I'm not allowed to
talk to anyone except attorney.
- Well, who's your attorney?
- Skipper.
I'll pay you a thousand dollars
to represent me.
- But he's gonna be the judge.
- I'll double the offer.
Public official, Mr. Howell.
No more of you evasive replies.
Just answer yes or no.
Did I or did I not hire you
to dig the barbeque pit
which resulted in your finding
the treasure chest?
Thurston, that's very good.
You're bound to win.
Lovey, you see, this is
an open and shut case.
While I did hire gilligan,
I didn't actually pay him.
And the skipper might
use that as a loop hole.
Loop hole! Oh, you know
all the legal terms.
Why not? After all I watched
Perry Mason for six years.
But I can close that loop hole, if..
If what, dear?
If I can get gilligan
to take the money now.
Oh, there you are, I've been
looking all over for you.
Oh, you have? I've been right up here.
Yes, I wanna pay you for
the work that you did for me.
But I never finished digging
the pit, I dug for 10 minutes.
At least let me pay
for the time that you dug.
One hundred dollars be enough?
A hundred dollars? That's almost
five hundred dollars an hour.
Six hundred, but who's counting.
Gilligan, don't take that money.
Why not, skipper?
Gilligan, he's hoping that
you'll take the money
because it'll strengthen
his claim on the treasure chest.
From now on, Mr. Howell, you are
not to talk to my client.
Alright. I'll see you in court.
Ah. O-Oh. O-Oh.
Hi, gilligan.
Oh, hi, ginger. I'm just ironing my shirt.
My lawyer said I gotta look
the best for the trial.
- You're cute.
- Ow.
- Skipper's not here.
- I didn't come to see him.
Well, the professor's not here either.
- I came to see you.
- Oh, yeah?
Ever since I've been on this island
I've been forcing myself
to stay away from you.
Just to fool the skipper
and the professor.
You fooled me pretty good too.
Look at me, gilligan.
Can't you tell what I've got
bottled up inside of me?
No, but it's sure trying to get out.
Let me tell you how
o-oh, you're hot.
Just my buttons.
Would you do me a favor?
(Ginger) 'Forget about that old chest.'
'i mean, just admit that you
were working for Mr. Howell.'
- okay?
- Yeah and..
And?
You can stay away from gilligan.
Ginger, you can go back to Mr. Howell
and tell him that it didn't work.
That's right, gilligan.
It's not only important to tell the truth
but it's also important how you tell it.
Let's get the story straight,
right from the beginning.
Okay, you told me to cut
some bamboo for a fish trap.
Mr. Howell said he had a job
hold it. Did he say "job?"
No.
Then don't mention it.
Now, remember the five points.
If you're struck
at the trial, look over to me.
I'll give you an answer
by holding up a finger.
Now, let's try.
Mr. Howell wants you
to do something for him.
Shows you where he wanted
the barbeque pit.
'He never mentioned the word "job."'
never talked about money.
And never paid you a penny.
- Now, you got that?
- Yeah.
- What's that?
- Your thumb.
No, it's Mr. Howell, asking
you to do something for him.
Oh, I see. That's pretty good, skipper.
What's that?
Mr. Howell never paid me
a single pinkie Penny.
Right, gilligan. Remember that.
(Gilligan) 'Don't worry,
skipper, I'll remember.'
(skipper) 'You'll remember,
even if we have to sit up all night.'
tampering with the witness.
I'll file charges.
Now, Mr. Howell, take it easy.
Tell me again,
what were his exact words?
Gilligan said that he'd get it straight.
Skipper said he'd make sure,
but took all night.
So, I want to prepare charges in court.
Counsel has the right to go over
testimony with his client.
- Whose side are you on?
- I'm not on anybody's side.
Oh, you're not. I'll take care of that.
All over again.
Hey, I wonder what's
going on over there.
I hope you're not thinking
of offering me a bribe.
Of course not. You recall
two weeks ago at dinner
when I asked someone to pass me
the juice and you did.
Well, I want to pay you for that.
- Five thousand dollars?
- No, no, no.
I caught you red handed. Trying
to bribe a public official.
Your honor, I want to file charges.
First trial hasn't even started
and I've already got
two more cases on the docket.
Are you ready?
Everyone take their places.
The first superior court of this
island is now in session.
(Skipper) 'The honorable
professor presiding.'
be seated.
Since everyone is familiar
with the case, we will dispense
with the reading of the
complaint encounter charges.
Skipper, you may call your first witness.
'I object.' - To what?
I want to call my witnesses first.
But Mr. Howell
'you don't let me, I'm gonna
take back my cape.'
professor, that is your honor.
It's perfectly alright with me
if Mr. Howell calls his witnesses first.
Alright, Mr. Howell.
You may call your first witness.
Thank you.
I call as my first witness,
a Mrs. Thurston ho well III.
(Thurston) 'Mrs. Howell,
you may take the stand.'
Mrs. Thurston ho well III, will
you tell the court the events
that took place the morning of the 5th?
Oh, thurston, that was beautiful.
You really ought to be on the defenders.
But you forgot to point your finger at me.
Your honor, I object.
What are you objecting to?
Your honor, I feel that
they've rehearsed her testimony.
No more than he's rehearsed gilligan.
You brought me up in court on charges?
I want to file charges, your honor.
Alright, but wait your turn.
That'll be case number 4.
Now, please. Let us get
on with the testimony.
Your honor, would you mind
getting another gavel?
Why?
That one's squirting milk.
Please. Let's get on with the case.
- Mrs. Howell, if you please?
- Now, let's see.
That was the morning that
Mr. Howell offered gilligan
a job, and he agreed
to dig the barbeque pit.
Thank you very much, Mrs. Howell.
Your witness.
Watch me break her testimony.
Mrs. Howell.
Did Mr. Howell use those exact words?
That he had a job for him?
Or did he say that he had something
that he wanted gilligan to do for him?
- I object.
- What is your objection?
Just gimme a minute.
I'll think of something.
Ms. Ginger Grant. Just tell the court.
Do you recall hearing me say
that I was hiring gilligan?
Yes, Mr. Howell. You told me
that you'd just hired him
to dig the barbecue pit.
Howell bribed her. Same way
he tried to bribe you.
That's defamation of character.
I want to sue that man
for libel and slander.
That'll be case number 5.
He said I was bribed.
I want to file charges too.
Case number 6.
Your honor, I do wish that
you get another gavel.
- Ginger's very damaging to us.
- Yeah. Her testimony.
No. Her legs.
I'd gone to ask gilligan if I
could help with his fish trap.
He said he first had to do
a favor for Mr. Howell.
Aha! It was a favor.
Your honor, I want to file
charges against Mary Ann.
(Professor) 'Against
Mary Ann? For what?'
for murder.
- Murder?
- Her testimony's killing me.
Did Mr. Howell at any time, call it a job?
No.
Did he pay you any money for it?
No.
[Whispering] Nice testimony.
If you get stuck for an answer
during the rest of the trial, look at me
and I'll hold up a finger.
Your witness, Mr. Howell.
Gilligan, my boy. Isn't it true
that I hired you that morning?
You asked me if I'd time
to do something for you.
You never paid me a single penny.
I didn't ask that.
(Gilligan) 'You showed me where
you wanted the barbeque pit.'
your honor.
You never talked about something for me
the penny mention work of barbeque pit.
Your honor. They are using signals.
- I want to file charges.
- You have to wait for mine.
- Order in the court!
- Watch it.
Professor is thinking for half an hour.
What's he thinking about?
Sit down, gilligan.
You're making me nervous.
Oh. Alright, everybody.
The judge is coming back.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I've reached a decision.
Oh, don't keep the boy
waiting any longer.
- Tell them I won the verdict.
- Oh, I can't tell that.
Gilligan, that means that
the treasure chest is yours.
Wait, wait. Gilligan didn't win either.
- Huh?
- Let me explain.
Ever since we were shipwrecked
on this island, we've shared
the hardships, the work,
the fish we catch, the fruit
'the water, everything.'
we shared and we've shared alike.
I choose to look upon the treasure chest
as one of the natural resources
of this island.
By custom and usage, de facto.
It belongs to all of us.
Let's go open it. Come on.
Wait! Don't cut that, professor.
I've got to own that treasure
chest. Now, no one has seen it.
I'll give you a $100,000
for your five shares of it.
- Hundred thousand dollars?
- That's $20,000 a piece.
- I'll take the treasure chest.
- Me too.
- The treasure.
- Cut the vine, professor.
Stop! Two hundred
and fifty thousand dollars.
Stop. A half a million.
Huh! It's a 100,000 a piece.
- Yeah.
- Yes.
Mr. Howell, you just bought
yourself a treasure.
Look at that. Big-giant-black pearls.
Oh. I wonder what they did
to get a little oyster
to make a Pearl this size.
Must have used whips.
No! No! It's a Cannon ball.
[Crying]
It was sporting of all of you
not to accept the money.
We couldn't. We all thought
there was treasure in the chest.
I still say it was sporting.
It's stupid, but sporting.
- Darling, it's your toss.
- Oh, yes. Yes, of course.
That's pretty good, Mr. Howell.
You got two, four, six boards.
Well, as I always say the family
that bowls together Splits.
Now this is the tale of our castaways ♪
they're here for a long, long time ♪
they'll have to make the best of things ♪
it's an uphill climb ♪
the first mate and his skipper too ♪
will do their very best ♪
to make the others comfortable ♪
in the tropic island nest ♪
no phone, no lights, no motorcars ♪
not a single luxury ♪
like Robinson crusoe ♪
it's primitive as can be ♪
so join us here each week my friends ♪
you're sure to get a smile ♪
from seven stranded castaways ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪