Leave It to Beaver (1957) s01e16 Episode Script

1
("Leave it to Beaver" theme music)
[Announcer] "Leave it To Beaver."
Starring Barbara Billingsley, Hugh Beaumont, Tony Dow,
and Jerry Mathers as the Beaver.
(mellow music)
Being a child is usually a pretty easygoing time of life.
You have many enjoyable experiences.
But sometimes, being small presents
rather overwhelming problems,
and that's our story tonight on "Leave It To Beaver."
I sure hope it rains today.
Why do you hope that?
Maybe if it rains, he'll stay in the house
and won't bother us on the way home from school.
Whether it's raining or not, he'll be there.
Boys!
Hurry up and finish your breakfast,
you're gonna be late again.
We were just leaving, Mom.
Now, look, Beaver.
I made you a real good lunch today,
and I want you to eat all of it.
What's this?
It's a lump of coal, Mom.
Well, why would you wanna take a lump of coal to school?
I just want it.
In case I have to throw it at somebody.
He, he's just kidding, Mom.
Yeah, I guess I'm just kidding, Mom.
Well, I should hope so.
I'd hate to think that you'd
throw anything like this at somebody.
I guess not, Mom.
(phone ringing)
Look, boys, now hurry up.
You're really going to be late.
Hey, Beav, would you really
throw that hunk of coal at Lumpy?
Well, I might have made believe
I was gonna throw it at him.
Boy, it wouldn't have even made a dent
in that hard head of his.
Come on.
(lighthearted music)
I'm home, everybody!
I'm home!
(door slamming)
I'm home!
Oh, hi, you're home!
I didn't hear you come in.
Now, that's a fine way to greet the returning breadwinner.
How much bread did you win today?
Whatever happened to the old days?
You know, when a father would come home,
children would come running, climb all over him,
searching in his pockets for goodies.
Now, why would a modern child want to
climb on a father any more?
They've got all kinds of scientific equipment
to climb on at school.
Anyway, they're not home yet.
Ah, they're late again, huh?
That's the fourth time this week,
I wonder what they're up to.
I don't know, their excuse the other night was
that they took the long cut home.
Well, that figures.
What are you doing?
Checking for goodies.
(chuckling)
(suspenseful music)
Wally, you think he'll get us today?
I don't see him around, I guess we're all right.
I thought I told you guys not to go home this way.
We can go home any way we want to.
Get outta the way, Lumpy.
Don't call me Lumpy, my name is Rutherford.
All the big kids call you Lumpy, Lumpy.
Shut up, you squirt.
Boy, one of these days, you're really gonna get it.
Am I?
Not from a punk like you.
We're late, we gotta get home.
Then go around by Thompson's house.
I ain't letting you by.
Listen, you.
Yeah?
Come on, Wally, I like the other way better anyways.
Yeah, yeah, Lumpy!
Lumpy Dumpty looks like an egg!
Clarence?
(bike tires squealing)
Where you going, Clarence?
No place, Daddy.
Well, come on in.
Your mother has some eggnog for you.
Yes, Daddy.
(playful music)
You know, Beav, I'd sure like to
fix that Lumpy Rutherford.
I know, me too.
The only trouble is, he's bigger than us.
Yeah.
Maybe we could wait until we get bigger, and then fix him.
Yeah, but the way he's swelling up,
he'll always be bigger than us.
Yeah.
Hi, Dad.
We were just doing our homework.
Oh, that's fine.
Uh, say, fellas, you've been getting home late
every evening this week, is anything wrong at school?
Uh, no, Dad.
We just come home sorta like we always did.
Uh, my teacher says the days are getting shorter.
Maybe that's why we're late.
Come on, boys, what is it?
Well, gee, Dad.
There's this big kid Lumpy,
and he's been kinda picking on us.
Yeah, he won't let us go down his street,
and we have to take the long way home.
He's a big kid, huh?
How big is he?
Just about grown up.
He's almost 16.
Well, who is this Lumpy?
[Wally] Well, he's just a kid.
Well, do you want me to do something about this?
Well, gee, thanks, Dad but you know how it is.
The guys think there's something wrong with you
if your father tries to help you out.
Yeah, I can see that.
There are times when a father should be
seen and not heard, huh?
That's all right, Dad.
He's gotta get tired of picking on us pretty soon.
Yeah, yeah, sure, I suppose so.
(clearing throat)
(chuckling) You know, uh.
Something like this happened to me once
when I was just about your age.
There was a real big kid who was just
making life miserable for me.
(laughing)
I sure fixed him good one night, though.
Did you punch him in the nose, Dad?
No, no, I think I was a little more cleverer than that.
No, what I did was (laughing)
What I did was I went over to the warehouse, you see,
and I got some old barrel hoops, a whole bunch of them.
And I took them over to his house and
I laid them out on the ground in the alley
in back of his house, one after another.
(laughing)
What'd you do that for, Dad?
Oh, now, wait a minute.
So anyway, so I got these hoops all laid out, see,
in the alley, and then I stood outside his house
and I began to call him some names, see.
What kind of names, Dad?
Well, uh.
Well, that's not important.
Now, the important thing is that it was enough
to get him out of that house in a hurry, see?
Well, here he came, tearing down the alley, see,
and he began to step on these hoops, and.
(laughing)
He fell down, his legs were all bruised,
his nose was bloody.
(laughing)
It was great!
[June] Ward.
Oh, hello, dear.
[June] Your coffee's ready.
Oh, I already had a cup.
I poured you another one.
Oh!
Oh yeah.
Yeah, well, I'll, uh, see you later, fellas.
Ward, you shouldn't tell the boys stories like that.
Why, it might give them ideas.
No, kids today don't think that way.
With modern psychology, all their aggressions
have been siphoned off into other things.
Like, like finger painting.
Wally?
What, Beav?
Where can we get some barrel hoops?
Yeah.
(playful music)
Boy, this is a keen idea Dad gave us, isn't it?
Yeah, boy, Lumpy'll really get the works
when he hits these hoops.
We all set?
Yeah, all set.
Hey, Lumpy!
Lumpy Dumpty, you big egg!
Hey Lumpy, come on out, Lumpy!
What's that, Geraldine?
Sounds like somebody calling outside.
Hm, it's probably for Clarence.
[Wally] Hey, meathead!
Meathead!
Might be for you, dear.
Huh?
Hey, Lumpy!
Hey, Lumpy, Lumpy!
Lumpy Dumpty the big egg!
There's somebody lurking about outside.
I'll fix 'em.
(suspenseful music)
Hey, you kids, come here!
Ow!
Wally, it's not Lumpy, it's his father!
Ow!
Ow!
Ow!
(shouting)
Gosh!
Come on, let's get outta here.
Frederick, what are you doing out here?
A bunch of hoodlums attacked me!
You all right?
Ow!
Where are the boys?
They came home a little while ago and
went straight upstairs, I haven't heard a peep out of them.
I thought I'd give them their
dinner a little early tonight.
Good.
Wally, was that a police car?
I don't think so, it went on past.
We're in big trouble, aren't we, Wally?
Boy, we're really gonna have to
take the long cut home from now on.
Yeah, I never knew I could run so fast.
I almost beat you home, Wally.
Boy, I'm not gonna go near
that Mr. Rutherford for 100 years.
(sighing)
What time are the Rutherfords coming?
They're gonna be a little late, Geraldine called.
Seems Fred had some sort of an accident,
he fell down or something.
Fred fell down?
(chuckling)
Ward, I thought Fred was a friend of yours.
Oh, he is, but he's the kind of friend
you enjoy seeing fall down once in a while.
(lighthearted music)
(lively music)
Boy, Wally, I could hardly eat anything at supper.
I guess my stomach is scared too.
You know, Beav, I've been thinking this over.
If Mr. Rutherford recognized us,
how come we haven't heard about it?
Yeah, I guess someone would've come and got us.
Maybe the police are still
checking the hoops for fingerprints.
You know, Wally, I'm glad we ate dinner by ourselves.
Dad can always tell when we've done something.
He gives us that funny look.
Yeah, it's even tougher when you've done a lot of things.
Then you don't know which one
he's looking at you funny about.
Wally?
You figure we're gonna be all right?
Sure, as long as we don't go near Mr. Rutherford's house,
we won't run into him.
And anyway, what would make him think it was us?
Sure, there must be 15 or 20 guys
who wanna get even with Lumpy.
Fred and Geraldine are more than just a little late.
She just called, they'll be here.
Boy, I hope he doesn't get started
on that South American trip tonight.
I've heard about it the last six times we've played cards.
Now, Ward, he and Geraldine enjoyed that trip.
Well, I don't.
One trip down there, and he's on a first-name basis
with every mountain in Peru.
Ward, when the Rutherfords arrive,
I think the boys oughta come down and say hello.
All right.
Here, you mark the cards, dear.
I'll go up and tell 'em.
Wally, should we do our homework first,
or should we play checkers first?
We'd better play checkers first,
'cause if we do our homework first,
we might not have time to play checkers.
Yeah.
Oh, say, boys, we're having some company tonight.
After you get your pajamas on,
I'd like you to come down and say hello.
Okay, Dad, who's the company?
It's the Rutherfords.
Wally, that company that's coming over.
Did Dad say the Rutherfords?
I don't know.
Maybe 'cause we're thinking of the Rutherfords,
it sounded like the Rutherfords.
I wasn't thinking of the Rutherfords,
but it still sounded like the Rutherfords.
I don't know. (Car engine approaching)
Oh boy, that must be the company.
Yeah, maybe we better go look
and see if it is the Rutherfords.
Maybe you oughta take a look, Beaver.
Then while you're looking,
I can figure out what to do if it is.
Is it?
It is.
Mr. Rutherford's even limping a little.
You thought of something, Wally?
Uh-uh.
Dad said we're supposed to come down and say hello
after we got our pajamas on.
Maybe if we told him we lost our pajamas,
they wouldn't make us (doorbell ringing)
Come downstairs and say hello.
I don't know.
You know how older people are.
Our one chance is he'll get talking
and forget all about us.
Gee, Wally, I didn't think we were old enough
to get in this kind of trouble.
(playful music)
And we got some wonderful pictures of Chimborazo.
Oh, that's in Ecuador.
Oh, dear, did I leave those color slides in the car?
I'm afraid I left them on the hall table at home, dear.
Oh, well, that's too bad.
We'll just have to bring them another time.
Of course, you know, you just can't compare.
Chimborazo with Aconcagua.
I wouldn't think of doing that.
Dear, you shouldn't have let me
leave those slides at home.
I'm sorry, dear.
You know, I guess we're both a little rattled,
what with my accident.
Uh, yeah, you've mentioned that, Fred,
but you didn't give us any details.
You say you were waylaid in an alley or something?
Right on my own property, by a bunch of young hoodlums.
Knocked me right down.
That's a shame, Fred.
Lucky you weren't carrying the color slides.
Hm?
Fred, isn't it your turn?
Fred thinks it's the same gang
that took the tires off our car when we were in Acapulco.
You think they'll send us to reform school?
They might send me there,
but you're too young for reform school.
Maybe they have a kindergarten reform school.
No, they'll just keep you at home
until you're old enough to go.
Say, boys, I wanted you to come down
and say hello to the Rutherfords.
Must we gotta go?
I don't feel so good.
Yeah, Dad, and I got a lotta homework to do.
Hey, what is all this?
If I ask you boys not to come down and say hello,
then you'd wanna come.
No we wouldn't, Dad.
Well, you come on down.
It'll only take a second.
[Wally] Okay, Dad, in a minute.
You think they know?
You can't tell, and Dad was smiling.
Maybe he just did that so they can get us downstairs
and he'll jump on us.
Well, we'd better go.
Hey, Beav?
I've just been thinking.
If Mr. Rutherford didn't know it was us
when we get downstairs, he's sure to recognize us.
Yeah, should we go back to losing the pajamas?
No.
Let me think.
Well, the boys will be right down.
Ward, Fred thinks he has a line on those hoodlums.
Huh?
The ones that worked me over in the driveway.
One of them dropped his cap.
Fred hasn't quite decided what to do about it.
What would you do in a case like this, Ward?
Well, Fred, I'm not too familiar with this sort of thing,
but if you were actually attacked, I think I'd go
right down to the police station with that cap.
Police?
Well, uh, Ward, these were only boys.
All the more reason, Fred.
A thing like this has to be stopped
before it gets out of hand.
This might be a juvenile gang.
I really feel you'd be doing the community
a real service, Fred.
That's just what I thought.
Geraldine, on the way home, we'll drop that cap off
with the gendarmes.
(lively music)
That must be the boys.
Oh, what's the idea, fellas?
We were just playing cowboys, Dad.
Well, take those things off so you can
say hello to the Rutherfords.
Hello, Mrs. Rutherford, Mr. Rutherford.
Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Rutherford.
Well well, haven't seen you lads in ages.
They're really sprouting up a bit, eh, Ward?
Of course, they haven't filled out like my Clarence.
You know my Clarence, don't you, boys?
Yes, Mr. Rutherford, we know Clarence.
We sure do, Mr. Rutherford.
Everybody knows Clarence.
He has the type of personality other boys take to.
Can we go now?
Yes, run along.
Don't forget your homework.
[Fred] Oh, say, boys.
Yes, Mr. Rutherford?
Why don't you come over and play with Clarence more often?
Yes, Mr. Rutherford.
(sighing)
Say, Ward, maybe you could question your two boys
about my accident.
Question our boys?
Yes, they might know about this gang
that's operating in the neighborhood.
Fred, I think you're making too much
of this whole episode.
After all, it might've been just some sort of a joke.
Joke?
They rigged a regular trap for me.
And on my own property.
A trap?
Yes, they enticed me out of the house,
and when I ran out, I stumbled all over these barrel hoops.
Barrel hoops?
Barrel hoops?
Barrel hoops.
Is anything wrong, Ward?
Oh, no, no, nothing at all.
Um, look, I was gonna get us some coffee,
and I think now's as good a time to get it as any.
I'll help you, June.
Oh, no no no, Geraldine, no, you stay right there.
Ward will help me, won't you, dear?
Yes, oh, sure, sure I will, yeah.
Well, uh, excuse me, just a few moments.
I'll be right back, and make yourselves at home.
Nice folks, June and Ward.
Mm-hm, boys are growing up, too.
But isn't that oldest boy a little bit big
to be playing cowboys?
I guess some children are naturally more childish.
I wish you'd brought the slides, dear.
Well, you certainly got us into something here.
But why is it always my fault?
They're your kids too, aren't they?
Did I tell them the story about the barrel hoops?
Obviously the boys weren't trying to hurt Fred.
They were just trying to get even with Clarence.
And you had to tell Fred to
turn the cap over to the police.
He was making such a fuss about it,
I was just kidding him along.
Ward, if my babies go to jail,
it's gonna be all your fault!
No one is going to jail, and don't let them hear you.
Now, I'll take care of everything.
How?
Well, I'll, uh.
Well, why don't you serve the coffee?
I'll go up and talk to the boys.
Now you be sure and come back.
Don't you dare hide up here
and leave me down here with those Rutherfords.
Uh, I'm just going to say goodnight to the boys.
Geraldine, I really wish you'd remembered
to bring those slides.
Darling, maybe the Cleavers aren't as interested
in South America as we are.
Nonsense, anybody who doesn't enjoy
the beauty of mountains doesn't have any sensitivity.
You seen any toothpicks around here anyplace?
Boys, it was you who put those barrel hoops
in Mr. Rutherford's driveway, wasn't it?
Oh, he knew it was us all the time?
No, he doesn't even know it yet,
but I'm afraid we're gonna have to tell him.
Gee, Dad, we only did it to get Lumpy.
We didn't mean to get Mr. Rutherford.
Yeah, we hollered meathead, and he came running out.
Uh, yeah.
Well, I, uh, I really blame myself, boys,
for telling you that story in the first place.
But that isn't gonna make it any easier
to explain things to Fred.
After all, we're in business together,
and he's a friend of mine.
Well, I'll just have to manage it somehow.
Well, gee, Dad, if it'd help you any,
we could just go down and tell him we did it.
Yeah, we wouldn't even have to tell him
you gave us the idea.
Well, that's a very fine offer, boys,
and I appreciate it.
But I think as long as we're all in this together,
I can handle it all right.
But I will call on you if I need you.
Okay.
Oh, uh, boys.
Uh, after this, when I tell you one of those stories
about when I was a kid, maybe it'd be just as well
if you didn't pay too much attention to it.
You're still gonna tell us those kind of stories,
aren't you, Dad?
Even if we don't pay any attention to it?
Sure I'm gonna tell you those stories,
even if you don't pay any attention to it.
(lighthearted music)
[Geraldine] Thank you.
Here's the cap, Ward.
Naturally, after what you told me,
I won't be taking it to the police station.
Fred, we're terribly sorry all of this happened.
Oh, we understand perfectly, June.
Oh, yeah, perfectly.
Having been a boy myself once, I realize how the older boys
sometimes pick on the younger ones.
Kids call him Lumpy, huh?
I'm gonna have to have a talk with that young man
when we get home.
Well, Wally and the Beaver will
certainly appreciate that, Fred.
Well, thank you very much for a lovely evening.
Goodnight.
- Night.
- Goodnight.
Oh, uh, by the way, Ward,
I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't mention
about me and the barrel hoops down at the office.
No use giving the boys ammunition.
Oh, not a word.
Well, goodnight.
Oh, sure.
See you around the salt mines.
Lumpy.
(sighing)
Well, it's been quite an evening.
Honey, I better start cleaning up.
Would you bring some of the things in from there?
Oh, sure.
(gentle music)
Beaver!
You been listening?
Uh-huh.
Thanks, Dad.
Oh, it's all right.
Better get on up to bed now.
Dad?
Could I ask you something?
Yeah, sure, what is it?
How come there's guys like Lumpy
who pick on littler guys?
Well, there are a lot of psychological answers
to that, Beaver.
But we really fixed him, didn't we, Dad?
Well, yeah, indirectly, I guess.
But the important thing for you to remember, Beaver,
is that there'll always be people like Lumpy.
You know, people who trample on other people
in order to get what they want.
And sometimes you just can't do anything about them.
You just have to learn to live with them,
to get along with them.
You mean you can't beat people like that, Dad?
Oh yeah, sure you can, Beaver.
You can beat them by never becoming like them.
Goodnight, Dad.
Goodnight.
(lighthearted music)
(dramatic music)