Level Up (2012) s01e16 Episode Script

- You know I don't get it.
- Shh!
Why would the bounty hunter
go for Wyatt instead of me?
Really? Your feelings are hurt
because you weren't the one
who was abducted or worse?
I'm just saying.
An attractive, slightly scaly
MPC with horns and demon eyes
leaks out, you'd think
she'd target me.
Maybe chicks with horns go for
the more intellectual types.
I'm every girls' type.
Look. There's the portal.
She must be close.
She's got Wyatt.
Hey!
Drop our nerd.
[growls]
[all]
Tulta Munille!
Okay, quest log to do.
Gorko camp raid to retrieve
the bloody head of Brial.
Beheading quest. Loving it.
Nah, the head's
already been cut off.
We're just picking it up.
Picking up heads is boring.
We also have an evil
bounty hunter quest
and a celebratory French fries
and gravy mission
at Bear's Superstar Diner.
Whoa, whoa. Back up.
Uh, Bear's Superstar Diner?
In real life?
Yes. Hangout IRL.
Yeah, you know we've been
hanging out for
uh, like two hours, man.
I gotta catch up on some
other stuff.
Oh, come on, Wizza. We
practically saved this town.
I mean no creatures have leaked
out of the game sense.
If that doesn't call
for a trough of gravy fries,
I don't know what does.
Nah, dude seriously,
like you know, I'm busy.
I got uhfootball meetings.
I got that English project.
And you know if I don't
see Kate tonight,
she's gonna rip my head off.
Lyle, I don't get it.
Your English paper isn't
due for three weeks.
What's going on?
All right, listen.
You guys are
my gaming friends.
They're my hanging-out
friends.
You just can't mix
two, you know.
It's like peanut butter
and asparagus.
You mean a total taste treat?
I mean, you got your protein,
your green vegetables,
and your pee smells awesome.
Okay, on that note, I bid you
guys a good evening.
And I'll see you
online tomorrow.
How about you, Dante?
I'm not sure
my mom should know
I'm hanging out with you.
She'll get all sorts of hopes
and expectations for me.
Like better grades,
better hygiene.
You know those are standards
I can't live up to.
[bell rings]
[cell phone rings]
[rings]
Snacks, why didn't you
say that at first?
[Lyle]
What's up, Angie?
Good thinking.
We'll take pictures
to prove we're here
so we have an alibi
for what we're really doing.
What are we really doing?
It's for yearbook. I'm in charge
of hallway candidates.
Oh, great.
Except this isn't the hallway.
And candidates aren't staged.
Just something I picked up
from my baby modeling days.
Ah!
[Angie]
Good work, boys.
Your surprise was very natural.
Dude, did you just
photo bomb us?
No. Since you guys want
to hang with me IRL,
I'm memorializing
our epic heroic deed.
Now Angie can slip the photo
in the yearbook
and label it something subtle
like "Saviors
of Daventry Hills."
- Or
- Um
"Super Secret BFFs" or
"Super Secret BFF Saviors
of Daventry Hills"
and nobody will ever
be the wiser.
Except us.
So this was all your idea.
I don't like to brag.
Okay, I do.
I am the genius who thought
of this brilliant idea.
Very roguish of me.
Dude!
Come here!
You seriously got to drop the
whole "Let's be friends IRL,
and go get fro-yo
together" thing.
It's not going to happen.
I got a rep to protect.
And you better
squash that photo,
or you're gonna hear
from my agent.
Your baby modeling agent?
Uh-huh!
Well, I guess
there are no snacks.
Roguish indeed.
[sighs]
Okay, what's the final
velocity of the bowling ball
as it crashes into the pins?
And why do we care?
Wyatt?
Huh? What? Nothing.
I just-- nothing.
Wyatt?
I just
I figured if the guys and I
can't show our friendship
in the yearbook,
at least I can post this photo
so we can show it in the game.
Look, I added a cool border.
Ah, it's so cute
in a sad, nerdy kind of way.
Here, let me fix it.
Last week I photo fixed
Susie Bowles' pink eye
and made it look
50% less mucusy.
Do you want me to airbrush
that zit? I can do it.
No thanks, but awesome of you
to notice it and point it out.
That's what friends are for.
Hmm.
Go me.
Now what?
Well, I hacked a game
so we can drag and drop
photos into one of
the preexisting posters.
Wow, you just
out-nerded yourself.
Okay, where do you want it?
Uh, there.
Okay.
[sighs]
Look, Wyatt.
If the guys only want
to hang out with you online,
then it's their loss. Okay?
Are you sure you don't
want me to airbrush that zit?
Just leave my face alone.
Okay, back to the work.
All right,
so velocity equals--
[Angie]
Is it distance times time--
distance over time--
[Wyatt]
You paying attention?
Velocity equals
distance per time.
[Angie]
Why do we need to know
any of this information?
Where's that little chart?
[Wyatt] Oh it's going to
be a long night.
[bell rings]
[beeping]
A leak. No way.
[beeping]
Snacks.
[Lyle]
This better not be about
getting another sneak-attack
group shot,
because fluorescents
and these cheekbones
do not go well together.
No, this is
way more important.
Well, make it quick 'cause I
just had a gigante Dante
breakfast burrito, and I'm about
to make the air in this closet
toxic on an epic scale.
- Uh.
- [Wyatt] Okay.
Something's leaked
from the game again.
There are no snacks,
are there?
Stop trying to trick us into
hanging out with you, man.
I'm not. There must be
some sort of breach
in the firewall or something.
This is huge.
See for yourselves.
[sighs]
[Dante]
And we've got a blank screen.
So this is how far you've sunk?
Now you're faking leaks
to get us
to spend time with you
outside the game.
I didn't fake a leak, okay?
Whatever came out must have
had cloaking capabilities,
or be a wraith or a Level 40
or higher mirroring element.
Those guys don't show up
on radar.
It's time for Neverfail
to come out of retirement.
I think we need to get him
a professional friend.
Wyatt definitely needs help.
I know some people.
Guys, we're in a closet.
I can hear everything
you're saying.
- And now he's hearing voices.
- Umm.
Okay, Wyatt, it's just that
Oh
Breakfast burrito.
I'm about to have
a leak of my own!
[screaming, coughing]
- Something is wrong with you.
- No it's just
No and something is seriously
medically wrong with you.
Thank you. And please stick
around for the encore.
Spoiler alert.
It involves cheese.
[beeping]
Of course.
Now you're working.
What?
They're in school.
I've never seen her
here before.
And I don't think he surfs.
Mr. Remington?
The new librarian.
Of course he surfs.
People don't wear
puka shell necklaces
because they look good.
But it was just here a second
[sighs]
Paranoia will destroy ya.
Aah!
[Boy student]
Wyatt, look out!
[Girl student]
It's running away.
Ah-ha!
[Students]
- Are you okay?
- Dude!
Lyle!
Uh, sorry.
My fail.
[laughter]
The leak. He's after me.
That's him, right there.
He's gonna suck my soul out
through a juju sharmin
blow-dart gun.
Poor kid. Cracked
under the pressure
of too many AP
classes, man.
Lyle, it's Colonel Remington
in the library,
with a pencil star.
You know it's worse
than I thought.
I better take him to
the nurse.
No, no!
Colonel Remington?
The new librarian.
School's web page says
he served in the military.
But I'm thinking
it's a bogus buyout.
The only military
he's ever served in
is Maldark's Army of the Vile.
He's very strange.
You're right.
He might be
a Level 68 bookworm.
Very funny.
I'm telling you
he's trying to kill me.
Look. I have been attacked
with each and every one
of these deadly weapons.
School supplies?
Oh, no.
He's after me too.
Quickly, save me from this
library book
which I'm never going
to read anyway.
You're right.
It may be filled
with high-grade
goblin explosives.
Fire in the hole!
Uh!
Andnothing.
Must have been a dud.
Okay, you are totally
bat guano.
All this doing your
homework on time,
and though it pains
me to say it,
playing too many video games
is really starting
to affect you.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Let's not blame video games.
We all know the real
culprit is homework.
Guys, Neverfail
never fails, huh?
Huzzah?
Tulta Munille.
Tulta it's over.
There is no leak, man.
Get it together, or we're
going to have to think about
unclanning you, Black Death.
[groans]
Good luck raiding the Gorkol
camp without Black Death's
awesome gold budgeting skills.
Oh, hey. I love what you've
done to the place, Dave.
Need any help budgeting?
Yeah? Okay.
- You--
- Aah!
Wyatt Black,
have an overdue library book.
And I would appreciate it
if you could please
return it within 72 hours
so I don't have to send you a
warning about the possibility
that we might consider
giving you a fine.
Hey, thanks for listening.
Have a super-duper day.
What a great attitude.
I wish more students felt
that way about the library.
[Teacher]
Physics and aerodynamics
go hand-in-hand. So make sure
that your airplanes
have tight creases to insure
speed and accuracy.
Maybe they're right, Wyatt.
Maybe you're just
being paranoid.
I'm not being paranoid.
I'm just being hunted by a leak
from a video game that
nobody can see but me.
No talking, Mr
Black. Wyatt Black, ma'am.
What have we here, Mr. Black?
Oh, I took some liberties
to maximize the, uh--
No, you did not follow
instructions.
Start again.
What is up with the sub?
Aerodynamically speaking, my
revisions to the classic form
would have been
What? It's a conceptually
flawed design.
You're a
conceptually-flawed design.
She's totally cool, Wyatt.
She's making physics fun.
Miss Linden-Looper, I'm done.
May I be excused early
to get some hallway candids
for the yearbook?
Sure thing. Just put your plane
on my desk.
See? Totally cool.
Mmm
Best sub ever.
Hallway candid.
[whispering]
Best.
Much better, Mr. Black.
Well, not technically.
The snub-nosed design will
significantly improve the
lift-drag coefficient
of the aircraft in
the flow field, but
I disagree, Mr. Black.
I prefer a nice, sharp point.
[Wyatt]
Nothing like a healthy
disagreement
to advance the field
of physics.
[bell rings]
Airplanes on my desk, please.
Oh, Mr. Black.
Why don't you stay behind
a few minutes?
I would love to continue our
illuminating discourse.
That sounds good. I was worried
you were give me a detention.
I can't imagination anything
worse than that.
[laughs]
[growls]
[sighs]
Hmm, a little red eye
removal here.
Worst substitute ever.
I gotta warn the guys.
Someone has snacks.
- Oh!
- Let's go!
So there I was.
Fourth and long.
Coach just said, "Go for it."
Lyle, pretty people's
parliament's
gonna have to take a recess.
We have an emergency.
All right, I got it.
Red, take over for me.
So there he was.
It was fourth and long.
Coach just said, "Go for it."
So he took the snap, stretched
back his sinewy arm
Okay, what's your problem?
- Wyatt.
- I know.
He's on the breakdown
express to crazy town.
I think it's hormonal.
Angie, you're
somewhat of a girl.
- Do you think --
- No, it's not hormonal.
It's real, okay?
Check out the new sub.
- She hot?
- You tell me.
- Yeah, she's hot.
- Yeah, I'd take that class.
Look closer. Creepy red eyes
that won't go away
no matter how many times
I try to adjust them.
Yeah, maybe your photo
fixing skill are--
Don't, okay? Because I've got
crazy mad photo fixing skills.
- Scaly neck skin.
- Okay, Angie.
Just because you're a freak,
does not mean you're a leak,
Angie.
Shame on you.
Nasty, but this is a prime
example why you ladies
need to take care of
yourselves now.
Okay, this youth is fleeting.
Find a good moisturizer.
Start a nightly routine.
In, out, do what you can.
- And she has horns.
- Yeah.
Yeah I don't think they make
a lotion of that.
Wyatt was right, dude.
Creatures are starting to leak
from the game again.
I have to go to the bathroom.
But then, it's time to knock
this digital creep back
to the computer world.
We gotta tell him.
Oh, my gosh.
I hoped I'd never have to
witness something this horrible.
It's awful, man.
Those jerks
from Crosstown High
- threw a brick
through our window.
- Oh!
Or
the sub grabbed Wyatt
and jumped out the window.
Or that.
You know, Wyatt
did say something
about a portal spiraling
in the woods.
The woods!
Whenever I jump out of a window
at this school,
that's the first place I go.
Come on!
Hey!
[growls]
Drop our nerd.
Aah!
[both]
Oh!
Major DPS.
Wait, what's DPS?
Damage per second.
Why didn't you just say that?
'Cause it's quicker that way!
Well, not anymore it isn't.
Oh, now I get it.
Nice sharp points.
Look out!
[hissing]
[gasp]
[screams]
[both]
Tulta Munille!
Aah!
Oh, no.
Butterflies! I get knocked
on my butt for butterflies!
What kind of girlie
weapon is this?
Okay, that's it.
Broche Jacksonist!
Ohh!
Oh! My bad, Wyatt.
[snarls]
Hey substitute,
you got some cheese?
'Cause I've got a cracker.
Skull cracker. You get it?
I've been saving that cheese
line for a long time.
[laughter] Huz to the zah,
you crushed it.
Oh! That is not all
that you crushed.
Ha, you know I would say
to put some ice on that,
but look like you
already did, so.
Okay, why was a shade demon
member of the Sisterhood
of Bounty Hunters
and Assassins, Local 313,
trying to kidnap me?
Wait a minute, Angie.
Where exactly did you put
that picture of us?
On the wall you pointed to.
Wall? I pointed out a kiosk.
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Kiosk.
Why would Angie put our photo
up on an Eskimo's house?
[laughs]
Well, I guess
the Neverfail clan's
going to be kicking it
IRL after all.
You ready for this?
The three of us back together.
Well, no one else is going
to save this town.
Should make Wyatt happy,
right?
Um, hello.
Grand marshals of
the clueless parade.
He doesn't want
to hang out with you
just when there's a crisis.
He misses having
you guys in his life.
His real life.
Yo, Wyatt.
One sec, I gotta
take this picture down
before she-eddy sees it.
That would be too hairy.
Literally.
You wanna grab a bite?
Actually, I have
a little reflux going
from all the excitement.
Wait a second.
Together?
Clan snack time, man.
Done and done.
Bear's Superstar Diner?
Actually, I got a better idea.
How is an old person's
pie shop better?
Total anonymity.
We're the youngest people
in here by a century.
And the strawberry
rhubarb pie is the bomb.
Plus nobody bats an eye
at our weapons
as long as they're
disguised as walkers.
See, the perfect place.
[Wyatt]
So we're playing tonight?
- Of course.
- Word.
Nice. Next quest we're raiding
the field of prairie zombies.
All right. I say
we do some recon.
We got to climb those trees in
the forest of Broomfickle.
Ah, come on, man.
I hate climbing those trees.
Can't we just get,
like, a winged dragon?
Do you know
how much those cost?
And you don't have to say
winged. It's implicit.
Oh, yeah? I don't have to say
winged because it's implicit.
Well guess what. I don't know
what implicit means, so there.
You're implicit.
[laughs]
Oh, man, I missed this.
Uh, excuse me, sir.
Would you mind taking a picture
of me and my friends?
- Sure.
- All right.
Word.
You gotta
- Oh!
- Wait um. Okay, um
[Lyle]
Works for me.