The Troop (2009) s01e16 Episode Script

Felix How's your shoulder?
Hayley Oh, I'll live.
This Versy is a lot
tougher that he looks.
Jake A Versy?
A shape-shifter?
These things are
incredibly dangerous.
Ah, congratulations, Jake.
Looks like somebody's finally
been reading the manual.
I've been reading
the manual all along.
And I started with the V section
because it's the shortest.
Now let me see it.
All right.
but it's pretty horrifying.
[gurgles]
That's the deadly Versy?
Deadly
[Versy farts]
and also needs changing.
Ah, hey, where are
we going to keep him?
QB-11 is empty.
Why don't you guys clear that
out and I'll check him in.
You're okay alone with him?
Hah, come on, Jake.
Look at him.
It's a baby.
Plus, I'm armed.
[scanner beeps]
Vercingetorix.
Shape-shifter.
Approximately 200 years old
and deadly.
[gurgles]
Oh, ah ha.
[Versy snarls]
Yeah, yup.
So what are you
doing this weekend?
Well, homework
in all my classes,
plus tickets to
a symphony tomorrow,
a chess tournament on Sunday,
but it's not being ranked
so I might just blow it off
and go rock climbing instead.
Why, what are you doing?
Well, there's ah,
there's a smell in my room
that I'd like to track down.
Fascinating.
[ring tone of Phoebe's singing]
I'm a dork, I'm a dork
I'm a dork, dork, dork
I'm a dork, I'm a dork
I'm a dork, dork, dork
Phoebe!
What did I tell you about
playing with my ring tones?
You said you'd
teach me magic today.
I know, I know.
I'll be home soon.
You're not in my room, are you?
No.
Why does it smell
so bad in here?
Just don't touch
any of my things, okay?
Phoebe Don't flatter
yourself, Jakey.
See you at home.
[clatter]
[crash]
[monster growls]
[Felix groans]
[monster roars]
What?
He's tougher than he looks.
See?
He reached through the bars.
His arms turned into a hammer.
He hit me and broke the scanner.
It really hurts.
But, lucky for us,
I always keep a spare.
[whack]
Doh!
[Versy giggles]
Well, that's a bummer.
Jake Okay, come on, you.
Okay, later, Jake.
Later.
Our monster's well-named
since, as a shape-shifter,
it's very 'Versy-tile'.
[laughs]
You justnever
stop, do you?
Felix Ah, it's a gift.
And a curse.
Um-hm.
Jake Locked down
nice and tight.
Awesome, have a
great weekend, dude.
[alarm sounds]
It's the Versy.
I can't see a thing.
It must have disabled
the surveillance cameras.
Hayley All right, I'm
going to check the cells.
Hayley, wait!
What's going on?
We put the Vercingetorix
in QB-11
and there might
be a disturbance.
Immediate Code Red lockdown!
Nothing goes in or out.
Now!
Computer Lockdown
procedure initiated.
[gurgles]
Mr. Stockley,
I think the Versy
is in some kind of cocoon.
Stockley It's a
lot worse than that.
The Vercingetorix
is a shape-shifter.
It puts is victim in a cocoon
and assumes the victims shape.
Jake Wait, what
does that mean?
One of you is in that cocoon.
And one of you is the monster.
Computer Danger.
Alien organism infiltration.
Danger. Lockdown.
Danger. Lockdown.
Danger. Lockdown.
Danger. Lockdown
Hayley I don't understand,
Mr. Stockley.
How can one of us be a monster?
Stockley It's
a shape-shifter.
It can imitate your body
perfectly, right down
to the way you move and talk.
Oh, sure, but can he do this?
Yes, but it probably
won't want to.
I still don't understand
how this could have happened.
We've all been here
together this whole time.
Has anyone been
alone with it?
We all have.
Then at some point
the monster overpowered one
of you, put you in a cocoon
and assumed your shape.
And, in a while,
it will consume whoever's
in that cocoon and reproduce.
Fine, I'm opening the
cocoon with my laser blade.
Stop!
Tampering with the cocoon
could be fatal
to whoever's inside.
You're going to have to figure
this our without cutting it.
[Nuss coughs]
Ah, Principal Nuss.
Ah, just watching this
monkey roller skate.
[laughs]
[Nuss grumbles]
You're right, sir, that is more
appropriate on my own time.
Felix Well, well, well.
A mystery.
How delicious.
Can't we just scan it?
Felix Don't you
remember, Hayley?
The monster broke it
when I checked him in.
Twice.
Or should I say,
one of you broke it.
Jake Or you did.
Hayley Or you.
Felix Okay, let's calm down
and let's figure this out
so nobody gets hurt.
If you're really Jake,
what's your grandma's name?
Which one?
Helen or Dixie?
You have a
grandma named Dixie?
Hayley Felix, this only
works if you already know
the answer to the question.
Ahh! That's right.
I keep forgetting the rules.
Hayley!
What's your favorite color?
Yale blue.
Wrong!
It's robin's egg blue!
Uh-ah, I want to go
to Yale so I changed it.
Felix Okay, let's try this.
Who can name both my turtles?
Very good.
They don't have human names.
They only have turtlilian names.
One's called Hahhhh Hahhhh
and the other one's
name is Tyler.
Hayley Okay, look, we have
to figure out another test.
The real Jake is an excellent
artist, so, show us something.
Fine.
Ahh.
[gulps]
[glass shatters]
[chuckles]
I can't draw while you're
standing over me like that.
One mistake and I'm toast.
I need some privacy.
Nice try.
Nobody leaves anybodies sight.
Fine.
Hayley Not bad.
Felix Hmm.
You draw what you know.
Ugh!
Okay, let's figure this
out by using some logic.
Let's start
Jake is the monster.
What? How?
Process of elimination.
Jake, the real Jake,
is cocky, careless
and would be an easy target.
What?
Felix True.
But his unruffled attitude
is the secret of his appeal.
Jake Thanks, Felix.
And your high opinion
of me is good to know
but it doesn't prove anything.
I know what happened.
Let's hear it.
Do you remember when
we left Jake alone to put
the monster in the cell?
Jake was goofing
around as usual.
[chuckles]
[footsteps approach]
What?
He is tougher than he looks.
See?
He reached through the bars
and his arm turned
into a hammer
Jake Baby!
I'm gonna rock you
And then I'm gonna
groove you
And then I'm gonna twirl you
And then I'm gonna rest
cause I'm tired
Jake?
Lady
Hello?
Hello!
Huh?
Sorry.
You guys go chill in the main
bay and I'll catch up with you.
Poww poww!
[Versy gurlges]
Hayley Ugh!
Let's go, big baby dude.
Sweet gig in here, bro.
Hang some posters,
get some sweet speakers.
Here, you can borrow
my Fist of Flame.
He's fighting Professor Foot,
and he's all like
[grunts]
Hiii yaaa!
[grunts and puffs]
Dude, this is totally unreas!
Hayley So, you cocoon
Jake and took his shape.
Hands up!
No way!
You really think I'd say
"Dude, totally unreas"?
Like I'm too busy
to say "onable"?
You do say "dude" a lot.
Dude, so does everybody.
I mean, sodoeseverybody.
We're wasting time!
That's an awfully
good argument, Jake.
Perhaps a little too good.
Ooh, you're sounding awfully
smart all of the sudden.
Wow, after all the
times I've saved you,
gotten slimed with you
and now you accuse me
of being a monster?
Especially, because
I'm pretty sure
Hayley's the monster.
Ah, man.
Obviously, I am
not the monster.
Jake Really?
Because if I were a monster
the first thing I'd do is point
my finger at someone else.
Which you just did.
That does make sense.
You would want me to turn
against Jake and then
finish me off for yourself.
If you were the monster.
Felix!
How can you even say that?
And remember, Hayley
answered the alarm by herself.
She was alone with
the monster in the cell.
Uh-ah.
The monster was already gone
by the time I got there.
[Felix gasps]
We don't know that for sure.
Here's how I see
it happening.
Felix Hayley, listen!
He's stronger than he looks.
He reached through
the bars and tried
Hayley Look, I don't
have time for this.
I really have to go.
Jake, ah,
you really need to
optimize that haircut.
Felix, I typed out instructions
on how to fix the scanner, okay?
I have to go.
I'll be at the hospital.
I have surgery club.
That's ridiculous!
Okay, this school doesn't even
have a surgery club, Jake.
Wait.
Does it?
That's not
the important part.
When the alarm went off,
you ran back to the cells.
Look at this mess.
Spilled food attracts
cockroaches.
Is that what you want?
Cockroaches?
Aah!
And your bed!
Already a mess!
What kind of monster are you?
[cell phone rings]
Hi, Mr. Mayor
You know, I'm in the middle
of something right now.
Can I call you back?
Great.
Ciao.
[smack]
Stand back.
I am going to show you how
to make the bed military-style.
It takes two minutes
and you'll use it
for the rest of your life.
[huff]
Ahh! Nooo!
Not my hair!
Ahhh!
[burp]
Jake You had just enough
time to cocoon Hayley
and take her shape before
me and Felix got there.
First, I'm offended that
you think that I'm that picky.
Secondly, it's 'Felix and I'
not 'me and Felix'.
You're correcting my
grammar at a time like this.
Not even the real
Hayley is that obtuse.
Obtuse?
Ah ha ha.
That is not a Jake word.
I know, Herr Mueller
used it in the last issue
of 'Fists of Flame'.
Use it in a sentence.
"Captain Helsov, I find your
pedantic loquaciousness obtuse."
Do you understand
a word of that?
No.
He's got you there.
Don't take his side.
What's going on down there?
Put those blasters down.
It's only a few minutes
before the monster destroys
whoever's in that cocoon.
Jake is the monster.
No, I'm not.
It's Hayley.
Stockley Hayley!
Jake!
Stop fighting!
[blast, zing, zing]
[boom]
Stop it!
Both of you.
I'm the monster.
Stockley Felix?
What are you saying?
I'm saying I think it's me.
I'm the monster.
Oh, hello, Danielle,
bad news.
Considering what happened at
the front row of last years
carnival, your application
for fire juggling club
has been denied.
I'll talk to you later,
Mother Stockley.
How was that possible?
Well, I had my opportunities.
Here's what probably happened.
This way, old man.
We had a bit of a
rough go, didn't we?
Hayley, let's take at
look at that shoulder.
Ah, would you, Felix?
Oh, I'd be ever so grateful.
Ah, the pain is gone.
Oh, Felix, you
truly are amazing.
You're awesome, buddy.
Rather.
Remarkable, old man.
[Stockley chuckles]
Felix Now, now.
Enough fooling about.
You two run along and clear
cell QB-11 while I stay here
and process the Versy.
Now, I'd like to get out of
here at a reasonable hour
to see all my girlfriends.
Jake Which ones, Felix?
Felix Oh, only
the Frrrrrench ones.
Eh, parle Francais
magnifique, Felix.
Ah, qui.
[giggles and laughs]
Jake What a great guy!
[chuckles]
Carry on, Stockley.
[Felix laughs]
[Versy giggles]
Well, well, well.
And then there were two
May I just say
what an honor it is
to have been captured by you.
My dear monster,
this was a team effort.
Although I see you've gleaned
from that much of work,
by necessity, sits
on my broad shoulders.
I see.
Is that the poisonous snake?
Felix What?
[Felix groans]
I'll get you for
this, rapscallion!
Wellplayedold chap.
You're completely deranged.
Nobody falls for those
"look over there" trick.
It could happen.
And it wasn't "look over there".
It was "poisonous snake."
Do you want
to be the monster?
No, but I do want the respect
of thinking that it's possible.
You've lost your mind.
Hayley Which would help you,
wouldn't it, Jake?
If Felix lost his mind, one
less Troop member to deal with
and you are closer to escaping.
Jake No, it wouldn't
help me, Hayley.
I'm going to need Felix
when it's finally time
to take you out.
You know what?
This isn't solving anything.
Because while we're fighting,
whoever's in that cocoon
is just that much
closer to being eaten.
Jake We better figure
this out because Phoebe's
looking for me right now.
If she starts asking around,
we're all in trouble.
[smash]
Okay, let's say the monster
shape-shifted into me
then started walking
towards the cell
pretending to be me
escorting the monster.
Dude, it's impossible.
Dude, you just said "dude".
He just said "dude,"
I heard him.
Enough.
I can't sit around here
waiting to be eaten anymore.
Hayley!
What are you doing?
Hayley I'm going to open
this thing and we're going to
find out exactly who's in it.
Jake You heard what
Mr. Stockley said.
If you hurt the cocoon, it could
be fatal to whoever's inside.
Well, if we
don't do something,
it could be too late
for all of us.
[blaster powers up]
Drop the blade, Hayley.
Drop the blaster, Jake.
Drop it.
Both of you.
I don't know what
she's doing, Felix,
but this is a trick.
The Versy is a very
smart monster.
How's your shoulder, Hayley?
It's fine.
It was the other shoulder.
No, was it?
Felix! Stop!
Look, he's just trying
to confuse us, okay.
He's the monster.
That's why he doesn't want us
to open up the cocoon.
Blast him!
Don't listen to her.
This isn't the Hayley we know.
I don't know, Jake.
The Hayley we know
is pretty bossy.
Felix,
don't you listen to him.
You see.
[dryer whirs]
[beeps]
[rings]
Decide, Felix.
I can't.
Well, you have to.
Whoever is in that cocoon
is toast and we're next.
And that is not going to happen.
[ring tone of Phoebe)
I'm a dork, I'm a dork
I'm a dork, dork, dork
Jake's phone!
I knew it.
You're the monster.
[deep voice] Just open
the doors and let me out
or it's over for your friend.
Can't do it.
Surrender and
nobody will get hurt.
Stockley What's going on?
Why are you pointing
the blasters.
Jake is the monster.
Let me out and you'll
get your human friend back!
Now see here, fellow, we
don't negotiate with monsters.
You return to your
cell immediately.
The doors remain closed.
Period.
[growl]
[zap, boom]
[splat]
[Jake groans]
Felix Jake!
Hayley Are you okay?
I'm fine, but the
Versy's on the loose.
He shape-shifted
to look just like me.
Hayley and Felix,
check the cells.
New guy, you're with me.
Oh
[growl]
I can't tell
who's the real Jake.
I have a six sense
for these things.
[grunts]
I'm pretty sure that
guy's the monster.
Freeze, both of you.
Take a step apart.
Now, I want you both
to do that mirror bit
where one's the reflection
of the other.
Hayley How is
that going to help?
It's not.
It's just really entertaining.
I'm Jake.
I'm Jake.
Which is which?
I don't know.
Shoot us both.
That's crazy.
I'm serious.
Him and me are too much alike.
You can replace me, but if
this monster gets loose,
we haven't done our job.
[zap]
[groan]
How did you know?
He said "him and me."
It should be "he and I."
I corrected him once before.
The real Jake would have
known better than to make
the same mistake twice.
Huh?
Right?
Ah, in the future,
let's avoid shooting me
based on grammar.
So what happened?
How did the Versy get you?
Jake Pretty easily.
Excuse me, is that
a poisonous snake?
[groan]
Jake No! No!
He just flat out attacked me
and sprayed this cocoon
stuff in my face.
I got off a few good
punches though.
They're a lot tougher
than they look.
Well, it could have
happened to anyone.
Exactly.
I'm just glad you're okay.
[squish]
That was a mistake.
Well, I'm sorry I said all
those mean things about you
while you were in the cocoon.
No worries.
Wait, what mean things?