8 Simple Rules (2002) s01e17 Episode Script

1
Hi, Kerry.
- Oh, hi, Jason.
- Hi, Mrs. Hennessy.
Well Kerry?
So I thought
you and Jason broke it off.
We did, but
Mr. Reynolds teamed us
up to work on
this history project.
Ah So I guess "on-again,
off-again" is on again.
Sounds like fate.
Sounds like his name
follows mine alphabetically.
But we'll see.
- What's that?
- Mount Vesuvius.
We're trying to
show how its eruption
helped preserve
the Pompeian culture
for future generations to study.
You know what? You could
melt some of my army men
to look like the
slower villagers.
I like it.
You're in luck. I was just
going upstairs to melt some.
You know, if the FBI
is looking through our trash,
he'll be the reason.
That's funny, Mrs. Hennessy.
Well, thanks, Jason.
I like your mom.
She's nice, pretty, smart.
What did you say?
Um Your mom
was nice and smart.
And pretty.
You said my mom was pretty.
You never said I was pretty
when we were dating.
I thought it was implied.
Because you are, real pretty.
- As pretty as my mom?
- Well, yeah.
Wrong answer!
So what, you're gonna say
my mom is pretty and then leave?
Yeah.
Hey, Care Bear,
seems like old times.
I come into a room,
Jason runs out.
- Yeah.
- Don't you look pretty today?
Stay out of my life.
Yeah, seems like old times.
- Hey, Bridget up yet?
- No.
She was out all night
at a concert again.
I caught her
sneaking in again. Now
she's sleeping
half the day again.
I tell you, I'm letting her
have it this time.
Hmm.
Yeah, because that's
a proven solution.
- What, you've got a better idea?
- Well, I don't know.
It just seems all this yelling
and grounding is
having no impact.
We need a new plan. We
need to try a gentler approach.
Well, that's interesting,
but I want to yell.
Maybe if I yell louder
and ground longer.
Not the attitude
I was looking for.
How about we try
working together?
You know, partners. See if
we can't win one this time.
It'd be nice to win one.
- Morning. Well, technically.
- Just follow my lead.
Uh, Bridget, we need
to talk to you for a second.
If this is about
catching me sneak
in last night, it
won't happen again.
Does that mean you won't sneak
in, or you won't
let me catch you?
Let's cross that bridge
when we come to it.
Honey, it seems like you are
spending an awful lot of time
hanging out with your friends
and going to clubs.
Can't you find
a fraction of your
free time to do
something productive?
I mean, really,
concerts every weekend?
- But I love music.
- Well, take up an instrument.
Oh, my God, that is so
amazing you just said that.
I've been dreaming
of playing in an all-girl band.
I've had the same
dream, only in mine
you're at Harvard
becoming a doctor.
Last night I was with Mandy and
Courtney, who thinks she's Alias,
total sophomore.
This guy with a mullet hit on me.
"What's with the
hair?" "Business in
the front, party in
the back." Gross!
- Who would have a mullet?
- Yeah, who?
I was on the hockey team.
It kept my neck warm.
I was listening
to this incredible
music and it hit
me. I want to do that.
Well, then, do it.
Take up an instrument.
- OK.
- That is a good plan,
although I miss the instant
gratification of yelling,
but I'm all for you
taking up music.
You know, I played
French horn in high school.
Yeah, I did know that.
Honey, you pick your instrument.
Right. Whatever you want.
Drums? You got her drums?
It was the only instrument
that came in a color she liked.
Bridget sneaks in late and you
punish her by buying her stuff?
Who's a guy gotta kill
to get a monkey around here?
All right, Rory, that's it.
That's a dollar in the
"No Talking About a Monkey" jar.
I'm playing drums
in my all-girl band
Check me out
I look so hot
You wish you were me
but you'll never be
'Cause you're not
in an all-girl band
Ha!
You're an idiot.
Isn't this what they do to
drive dictators out of palaces?
It's like those wind-up monkeys
that clap cymbals and bongos.
And that little gem
is gonna cost you a dollar.
Hello. Oh, yeah, hey, Fred.
You know, I've
heard drumming too.
Well, your leaf blower
can get pretty loud,
but you don't catch
me calling the cops.
Really? Because they told me
it was confidential.
All right, OK,
I'll see what I can do. Yeah.
Cate, I cannot talk to another
neighbor. Will you
take this, please?
If that's Jason tell him I'm
studying. Use those exact words.
Got it. Hello?
Oh, hey, you.
So what you been up to, stranger?
Uh, Kerry?
Uh, no, Jason, she's studying.
Oh, all right. I'll
tell her you called.
OK, bye-bye.
OK, I'm gonna go jam.
Oh, Beach, before you do,
I need to talk to you, honey.
Your mother and I are so proud
that you're showing such
enthusiasm about music.
- I like to hit the drums hard.
- Sort of picked up on that.
But have you ever considered
letting someone,
you know, show you how to
you know, play?
I don't want to take lessons.
That's why I picked drums.
I want to help you get closer to
that all-girl band
dream of yours
and mine.
- So I hired you a drum teacher.
- Dad, I don't want a teacher.
I already know what I'm doing.
- I'm Ben, the drum teacher.
- Hi, Ben.
Thank you, Daddy.
Wow, is that Bridget?
I'm really impressed.
No, that's Ben, her teacher.
That's Bridget.
You know, I was worried
about that guy at first. Now
This guy is a professional. Your
plan really worked
out great, Cate.
- Our plan. Partner.
- Partner.
You know, you've really grown.
I never thought I'd see the day
when you'd be OK
with your daughter being alone
with a musician.
Why is it we always
go for the musician?
That's right, your
high school boyfriend Rick.
He thought he was so hot
because he jammed one time with
The Monkees at some state fair.
Not now!
Paul, calm down.
That's why I'm with you.
Writers are sexier. Much sexier.
Why, your column
on treasures in the attic
Whoo!
Get a hold of yourself.
There's nothing
going on out there
in the garage,
just playing drums.
There goes Bridget.
That's Ben.
That's quiet. Why is it quiet?
Why is it quiet?
Oh, hi, guys.
Cate Look at that.
Cate, the door doesn't
stick anymore. I fixed it.
- What are you talking about?
- You're welcome. So, uh
how's the lesson going?
- Great. Just great.
OK, let's show your dad
what I taught you.
OK.
You are a miracle worker.
That was close.
Let me show you again.
Oh, excuse me.
And then, pretty soon
you'll be able to do this.
Oh, whoa!
That's That's
very sophisticated.
Well, Ben is a very
sophisticated guy, Dad.
Hey, I won a hat!
Oh, no, I didn't.
Sorry, excuse me,
take that with you.
You know what?
We really appreciate
the lesson. We have your number.
Bye, Bridget.
Bye, Ben. See you next Saturday.
Wait, you scheduled
another lesson with him?
Actually ten.
- Ten?
- It's cheaper that way.
So how'd it go?
Oh, my God, Ben
is so great, Mom.
You should see him play.
His hands are a blur.
Been there.
Thank you so much
for setting us up, Daddy.
I wouldn't actually
call it a setup.
I just love him!
You You mean
as a teacher, right?
As a teacher, right?
You still hear the fox
you let into our henhouse?
- You made her take lessons.
- You told her to take up music.
- You bought her drums.
- I wanted to yell at her.
Stop it! It upsets me
when you two fight.
- Can I get a monkey?
- No!
I got it.
Jason. What are you doing here?
Well, I've tried calling, but
it's like you're always studying.
Jason.
- Oh, God.
- Hello, Mrs. Hennessy.
I just came by to tell Kerry we
got an A on our Mount Vesuvius.
What'd they say
about the melted villagers?
That we have to talk
to the school psychologist.
- Your mom's got a great laugh.
- Get out!
Paul, do you like my laugh?
Daddy, Ben's in a band playing
tonight. He invited
me to come along.
No.
Oh, I'm sorry, I just
wanted to hear it.
Bridget, you know you cannot date
college boys. Absolutely not!
You don't even know him!
You're so closed-minded! God!
What, you think I'm
wrong about this?
No, no, no.
It's just a very
delicate situation.
This is Bridget's first older
man, and it's a musician.
They're intoxicating.
Very, very
intoxicating. Trust me.
I want to see your
high school yearbooks.
I want to see if
I'm better-looking
than your precious Rick.
I told you I lost
those yearbooks in
that fire I had
right after we met.
- You swear?
- Swear.
Look, if we do it your way and
say no, Bridget is gonna rebel.
We have to show
her we're at least
open-minded by talking to Ben.
And then?
We tell him not to let the door
hit his ass on his way out.
- Partner.
- Partner.
So, just tell us a little bit
about yourself, Ben.
What college do you go to?
Actually, I dropped
out of college.
You hear that, Cate?
He dropped out of college.
My dad died, so I
moved back home to help Mom out.
I'm trying to get enough money
so I can go back there.
That's when Mom's strong enough.
I see. Just to be clear,
you did drop out of college.
Dad!
- Uh, so, Ben, you're in a band?
- Oh, a band. Tell us about that.
I bet that's all
sorts of crazy fun.
Last week we did a show
for the Children's Hospital.
- Really?
- Yeah. You gotta give back.
- Old people and animals?
- Love 'em.
This is your fault.
I told you he was great.
OK, Ben, this is the thing.
We like you. We just don't want
Bridget going out
with older guys.
- It's nothing personal.
- Nothing personal?!
Ben is a very sensitive artist.
This will devastate him.
I understand. I'll
get you a T-shirt.
You know, you guys are so
I'm a small
You guys are so I hate you.
Is that my high school yearbook?
Yeah. Found it in the basement
in the box marked
"Grandma's stuff, keep out."
God, you were popular.
You're practically on every page.
A few clubs, a few friends.
A date or two.
Who's Rick?
You had tons of boyfriends.
This is like Bridget's yearbook.
Kerry.
Look what some
of these guys wrote.
- Mom, you were like a Bond girl.
- OK, all right.
Now look, I don't think we need
to let your father see this.
Oh, really?
Damn. I guess we're
getting a monkey.
Bridget's still practicing?
I admire her dedication,
but is she getting worse?
She's just taking out her anger.
It's getting kind of late, Paul.
We ought to bring her inside.
Better she's angry out there
than in here.
I'll give her till Fred calls.
I'm up.
All right. Just
don't yell at her.
- Hey!
- Rory?
- Oh. Hey.
- Where's Bridget?
I can't tell you.
Rory, we don't keep secrets
in this family.
OK. Mom's got yearbooks.
Oh, you mean Bridget.
She snuck off to see
Ben's concert. I'm her decoy.
I knew you had yearbooks.
You can stop building
that little monkey bed right now!
Can you believe Dad? He shows up
at the club, walks in like this,
and then he comes in and grabs me
before I can even see Ben.
Dad? Mom. Mom is unbelievable.
She's totally been
flirting with Jason.
Did you know Mom
was popular in high school?
- She dated a musician.
- Oh, really?
Maybe he's my real father.
Yeah, that was my point.
Huh. So he's a couple years
older. What's the big deal?
What if Ben and
I are destined to
be together? What
if he's the one?
- The one?
- Yeah.
You've never had a one. Last
summer you were down to three.
Kerry, Ben is my first
not-a-high-school guy.
I mean, he's so
experienced and worldly.
He's been to Hawaii. Hawaii!
He can vote. He told me
he didn't, but he can vote.
And he can buy beer in Canada.
You're right. You
should marry him.
You could honeymoon
in Hawaii. Hawaii!
You are so still in high school.
It's just, when Ben
looks at me, it's
like I'm the only
one in the room.
It's a private lesson
in our garage.
You are the only
one in the room.
I'm gonna go play bad
so Dad doubles my lessons.
- OK. Hey, if you see Mom
- I know. You're studying.
And you are staying home.
- Can we talk?
- What's to talk about?
You have nothing
to apologize for.
I didn't come in
here to apologize.
How can you not apologize?
Look, Jason said I was pretty.
It was very nice to hear on a day
that I worked and made dinner
and did ten loads of
laundry. So sue me.
Isn't it bad enough that
I have to compete with Bridget?
Now I have to
compete with you too?
Wait a minute.
Honey, what's going on here?
He said I was Mom-pretty.
You are a beautiful teenage girl.
You think this is some kind
of competition?
Yeah! And I'm losing.
You know, guys don't notice me
when Bridget is around.
And Rory gets all this attention
because he's the
boy and the youngest.
And now
It's like I'm invisible.
Not to me.
I see you.
Right. Kerry, the
moody middle child.
Well
yeah.
Who also happens to be sensitive
and caring and fantastic.
Oh, Kerry, honey,
you make me feel
so privileged to be your mother.
You have to say that.
It's in the manual or something.
You think if it was in the manual
I'd go through all this?
Ah, there you are.
See? You're not invisible.
Kerry, if you
weren't my daughter,
I'd want you to be my friend.
Yeah, right, you're not cool
enough to hang out with me.
I know. That's why I spend
so much time with your father.
Yeah, I know.
Trust me, Fred,
it sounds a lot louder over here.
So what do you think?
I'm sorry this is
our last lesson.
What?
Yeah. The coolest thing happened.
I'm going back to Ohio State.
My dad's old company
came through with a scholarship.
- I can enroll this semester.
- But what about us?
I mean, our lessons.
I'll keep in touch.
I want to know how you're doing.
OK?
Whoa.
OK. Um
Bye, Bridget.
So how was the lesson?
Who cares? My teacher
quit, so I'm quitting too.
Bridget, don't
quit just because
I never want to see another
musician again in my entire life.
Alrighty then.
I know I'm gonna hate myself
for this, but
Beach, as much as I like
peace and quiet around here,
I don't want you to
give up something
that you were so excited about
a couple of weeks ago.
Just think about that, will you?
OK.
- What's going on?
- Ben's going back to college.
Oh, I'm sorry. Are you OK?
No, I wasn't OK, but then Dad
gave me a little pep talk
and told me I shouldn't
give up on stuff.
For once I think he's right.
I'm not gonna give up.
Ben and I belong together.
Ben, this is for you.