Leave It to Beaver (1957) s01e17 Episode Script

1
("Leave it to Beaver" theme music)
[Announcer] Leave It To Beaver,
starring Barbara Billingsley, Hugh Beaumont, Tony Dow,
and Jerry Mathers as The Beaver.
Couldn't you at least let us try, Mr. Merkel?
We'll work real hard.
We sure will.
Now you're only on trial,
and remember something,
you make one mistake,
and I'll skin ya alive, both of you.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
(whimsical music)
(knocking on door)
(whimsical music)
(knocking on door)
Well, that's a fine place to spend the day.
I was straightening up the closet and you shut me in.
(audience laughing)
I'm sorry, I didn't see you.
I have a sneaking suspicion you did,
but I can't prove it.
(audience laughing)
The boys home yet?
Uh huh, they're waiting for you.
They wanna talk to you about something.
What do they wanna talk to me about?
They didn't say, but it seems whatever it is,
it's for your ears alone.
Well, I can understand the boys
wanting to confide in their father.
They know their old dad can solve any problem.
They know that given the opportunity
I think they want something.
(audience laughing)
I should've left you in the closet.
Dinner will be ready in half an hour.
Let me see it again, Wally.
Take it easy.
Here he comes.
Well, hi, fellas.
Hi, Dad.
Hi, Dad, have a nice day at the office?
Yeah, pretty nice day.
That's good, isn't it, Wally?
Yeah.
Boys, your ah, mother said
you wanted to see me about something.
Yeah, well, you know, Dad,
we've been late for school the last couple of mornings now.
Oh, late for school, huh?
Well, we can't have that, can we?
Yeah, we've been late ever since
the tire fell off our bike.
Oh, well, I think we could arrange
to put a new tire on your old bike.
Wouldn't it be better to put a new bike on the old tire?
(audience laughing)
A new bike?
Yeah, Dad.
Well, that's ah, certainly a very nice looking bicycle.
Should be for 52.98.
We've been saving for it for a long time, Dad.
You mean you boys have saved
enough money to buy this bike?
Well, not exactly.
We thought maybe you could chip in a little.
[Ward] Well, I think I could help out a little.
How much have you saved?
I think around $6, almost.
(audience laughing)
We went to the movies a couple of times.
That kinda ate into it.
Well now, wait a minute, fellas.
I can't just give you almost $50.
Oh, we'll pay you back, Dad.
I'll cut the grass for the next five years.
(audience laughing)
And I'll pick up my room for the rest of my life.
That's a very tempting offer, boys,
but after all, I can't just hand you over $50.
You know, your old dad's not made of money.
Well, gee, Dad, how else we gonna get the bike,
if you don't buy it for us?
Fellas, um, let me tell you a little story.
(whimsical music)
Everything all right upstairs?
Oh, sure, I was ah, I was just telling the boys
a little story about my college days.
About the time you fumbled the ball in the one yard line?
(audience laughing)
Oh no, of course not.
Why would I tell them that?
No, they ah, they ah, were asking me for a bicycle,
so I told them about the time I wanted a car,
and when I got myself a job and earned it.
Ward, I wish you wouldn't tell the boys things like that.
They take everything you say so seriously.
Well ah, I don't think you have to worry about it.
I don't think they want a new bicycle
badly enough to go to work for it.
(whimsical music)
Eh, I don't know if I oughta give you guys no paper route.
Your clothes are too good.
You look like the kind of kids
who'd quit after the first week.
Well gee, Mr. Merkel, we never quit any other job.
We never even had no nother job.
(audience laughing)
Who sent you guys down here?
Jack Pistel, he used to work for ya.
Pistel, ain't he the kid who moved away without paying me?
No, sir, he fell off his bike and broke his leg.
Oh yeah, I knew he did something to mess me up.
(audience laughing)
Couldn't you at least let us try, Mr. Merkel?
We'll work real hard.
We sure will.
We won't break our legs,
and we'll even wear old clothes, won't we, Wally?
Yeah.
We'll dump the papers off at your house every day.
You fold them, and wrap them,
and have them delivered by five.
On Saturday you turn in your refunds,
and we make our collection.
Now, you're only on trial,
and remember something,
you make one mistake and I'll skin ya alive, both of you.
Yes, sir.
Now, you sign these papers here,
and you can start tomorrow night.
Here.
(sighs) A present for me?
Uh huh, it's the shelf paper you asked for three days ago.
Oh, darling, you shouldn't have done it,
and I do mean you shouldn't have done it.
I bought some at the market this morning.
Oh, well ah, a person can't have too much shelf paper.
What's up?
I planted some marigolds.
The man at the nursery said it was the wrong time of year.
(horn blowing)
Oh, Ward!
Get his number!
He did that on purpose!
It's too late now, dear.
What do you suppose these are?
They're newspapers.
Oh, those are for us, Dad.
Yeah, those are for us.
Yeah, thanks a lot.
Ah, hey boys!
Wait a minute.
What's this all about?
It's our paper route, Dad.
We're gonna earn our bike and surprise you
just like you did your father.
But boys, you get home from school pretty late as it is.
Isn't that a lot of papers to deliver?
[Beaver] Only 58.
But, Beaver.
Gee, Mom, there's nothing to delivering papers.
You just fold them up and throw 'em at people.
[June] Wally!
Let's go and wrap 'em.
But Ward.
Well, I think it's a good idea.
It gives them a sense of responsibility.
Ward, every time the boys start something like this,
you end up doing the job for them.
Like the time they were gonna sell that perfume
to get a movie projector.
All right, it was just that one time.
How about the time they were gonna get $2
for cutting the Donaldson's lawn?
You rented a power mower,
and went over and did the job for them.
June, they were a lot younger then.
Now, believe me.
This time I'm not gonna so much
as lift a hand to help them.
Ha.
(dramatic music)
(whimsical music)
Ward, look.
That's the saddest thing I've ever seen.
Oh, Ward, I just think it's gonna be too much for them.
They'll be all right.
That's the way Bernard Baruch got started.
(audience laughing)
(whimsical music)
(audience laughing)
How was that, Wally?
Hey, that was pretty good.
Lucky the window was open.
(audience laughing)
(whimsical music)
Shouldn't we get that one, Wally?
Nah, the bushes are the first place people look.
(audience laughing)
Well, Beaver, what're you doing out her all by yourself?
Folding newspapers, Mom.
Where's Wally?
He had to stay after school for a makeup test.
Well, Beaver you can't deliver
all of these newspapers by yourself.
I've gotta, Mom.
If I don't get these papers out by five,
Old Man Merkel from the newspaper's gonna skin us alive.
Both of us.
(audience laughing)
Beaver, it's getting late.
Well, you'll never get all these newspapers
folded by yourself in time to deliver them.
Then I guess I gotta get skinned alive.
I don't think I'm gonna like that.
(audience laughing)
Look, Beaver, why don't you try
folding one like this, see.
That's real neat, Mom.
Let me try another one.
(whimsical music)
Gee, Mom, you fold papers real swell.
Were you ever a paperboy?
No, I was never a paperboy,
but at school I used to fold
napkins for the sorority house.
(audience laughing)
There.
What time is it, Mom?
My goodness, it's almost five.
Uh oh, if we don't get these papers out by five,
Old Man Merkel from the newspaper says he's gonna fire us.
(audience laughing)
Well, Beaver, your father isn't home yet, but,
come on, I'll help you.
Gee, thanks, Mom.
But Beaver, your father wanted
Wally and you to do this job,
so ah, well, let's not mention it, huh?
Okay, boy, will I be glad
when Wally has route tomorrow night.
(whimsical music)
Wally!
Well, why didn't you come in the back way?
'Cause I didn't wanna get the kitchen wet, Dad.
Water doesn't show so much on rugs.
(audience laughing)
Of course not.
Well ah, Old Man Merkel called from the newspaper.
He said you forgot to deliver nine or 10 papers tonight.
Yeah, my list got all wet,
and some of the customers ran together.
(audience laughing)
But I got another list upstairs.
Oh, well, he seemed pretty upset about it.
Yeah, that Old Man Merkel, he's a mean guy.
He's always firing kids.
I better get the other list and go out again.
Hey, wait a minute.
Ah, you mean you're going out in this rain?
Well gee, Dad, I've gotta do my job like you said.
Yeah, yeah, well look, I'll tell ya what.
You go and get the list,
and I'll get the car out of the garage.
Gee, thanks, Dad.
Yeah, ah, did you get all your papers wet?
Well, some did, but that's okay.
They always give us a lot of extra ones.
Oh, Wally, um, ah, about my helping you this one time,
ah, no need for your mother to know about it.
Okay, I'll tell her you didn't help me.
No, no, no, no, no, don't be dishonest.
Just don't mention it, that's all.
(whimsical music)
June, what's this check for 6.20 from the City Cab Company?
Well ah, you don't take cabs.
No, no, this one's yours, dear.
It's ah, dated last Tuesday.
Um, you been shopping on the expensive side of town again?
Well, Ward, you were so insisting
that the boys handle this paper route by themselves,
that I wasn't gonna tell you,
but well, the Beaver got stuck on Tuesday night,
and well, I'm afraid we delivered the papers by cab.
(audience laughing)
June, you delivered 58 five cents papers in a $6.20 cab?
There was nothing else I could do.
(sighs) June, we've got to let the boys
learn to stand on their own two feet.
Like the rainy night you took the car out
and helped Wally deliver the papers?
(audience laughing)
Ah yeah, that's about as good an example
as I can think of.
(audience laughing)
Guess we're both guilty.
Sometimes there's nothing else you can do.
Now, June, I still insist we shouldn't help the boys.
And I agree.
And ah, when we do help them,
ah, we should help them without
their knowing we're helping them.
I agree.
(audience laughing)
(June giggles)
18, 19.
Wally, we've got an awful lot of papers
left over from last week.
Sure, Beaver, these are extras.
But these are old papers and we already paid for 'em.
Well, they call them refunds.
We take them back to Old Man Merkel tomorrow
and get our money back.
You know, Wally, I don't like that Old Man Merkel,
even when I get money back from him.
(audience laughing)
Have we made any mistakes yet?
Well, I don't think so.
Would Old Man Merkel be mad
about that dog ripping your pants?
(audience laughing)
I don't know.
We better not tell him about it.
You know, working isn't as much fun as I thought it'd be.
I wonder why older people do it so much?
They have to.
If they had fun like kids,
people would say they were silly.
(audience laughing)
Think our refunds will be okay in here?
Sure, who'd ever touch a bunch of last week's papers?
(audience laughing)
Wally and The Beaver haven't been there, Mrs. Anderson?
Well, look, if Chester does see them,
would you have them call us, please?
All right, thank you, goodbye.
June, know what I found out in the garage?
Wally and The Beaver's newspapers
all folded, wrapped, and undelivered.
I know, dear, I saw them.
I've been calling all over town trying to find them.
It's Saturday, they've been out playing,
and they've probably forgotten all about the newspapers.
Well, they picked a great day to forget,
Saturday afternoon with half the town
waiting for its newspaper.
Oh, Ward, I hope they get here in time.
They've had that job for a whole week,
and I'd hate to see them loose it.
Wanna know something else?
I don't think Old Man Merkel
is the type to listen to excuses either.
Oh, Ward, you know they're not gonna get here on time.
What're we gonna do about it?
Well, I guess we're gonna get the car out
and deliver those papers as fast as we can.
(audience laughing)
(whimsical music)
Thanks a lot for the lift.
Yeah, we got worried about the newspapers.
That's why we came down to the newspaper office.
Well, you kids are new.
The Saturday edition is always late.
That's on account it's got all the ball scores in it.
We'll remember that next time.
Hey, what about our refund copies?
We got them in the garage.
You wanna take them with ya?
[Man] No, you take them down to Merkel on Monday,
and he'll give ya your money back,
and you guys better get on the ball.
Old Man Merkel's a monster.
(dramatic music)
(audience laughing)
(whimsical music)
Oh no, it says it's gonna rain again tomorrow.
Again?
Dear, this is last Tuesday's paper they just delivered.
Wait till I call that crazy newspaper office.
(audience laughing)
(dramatic music)
Sorry.
(whimsical music)
(audience laughing)
(whimsical music)
Well, how do ya like this, Marge?
They delivered last Monday's paper.
(audience laughing)
Yeah, well, yeah, well, yeah, well, gee Mr. Merkel,
we haven't delivered the papers yet.
Complaints, well, I don't know
what the people are talking about.
No, Mr. Merkel, we're not being wiseguys.
(audience laughing)
Oh, well, well, all right, okay.
What's the matter, Wally?
Well, Mr. Merkel just fired us.
Fired us, what'd we do?
He was yellin' so loud, I'm not sure.
(audience laughing)
I think he said we delivered last week's papers today.
How can we do that?
They're out in the garage.
Yeah, I don't know what happened.
Well, I didn't think we'd make it.
Neither did I.
Especially when we ran short
and had to buy extra copies at the news stand.
Look at those nails.
Well, there you are.
Oh, hi, Mom, hi, Dad.
Hi.
Well, boys, I must say, I'm a little disappointed
in both of you and your paper route.
So is Mr. Merkel.
He just fired us.
He fired you, what for?
Well, gee, Dad, it wasn't our fault.
Somebody delivered last week's papers.
Yeah, to our customers.
(audience laughing)
Last week's papers?
Uh huh, we left them all out in the garage
on the workbench.
All wrapped up in their raincoats.
Oh, oh.
[June] Uh oh.
We better go see if they're out on the workbench.
Boys, they're not on the workbench.
Well, then where are they, Mom?
Well, we, I mean, we.
This is one of those things that a father can explain best.
(audience laughing)
Um, well uh, will you sit down, boys?
No thanks.
No thanks.
I think I will.
(audience laughing)
(clears throat) Ah (sighs), did I ever tell ya
about the time I fumbled the ball on the one yard line?
(audience laughing)
Well.
(whimsical music)
Boys, we'll have breakfast
as soon as your father gets back.
Did Dad go someplace this early?
Well, he had to go on a little errand.
Okay, Mom.
Boys, you know you have
a very wonderful father, don't you?
Oh sure, Mom.
Oh sure, Mom.
And you know the mistake yesterday
was just as much my fault as it was his.
Oh, that's okay, Mom.
It was just one of those things.
Yeah, it was just one of those things.
(audience laughing)
(lips smack)
(whimsical music)
Thanks, boys.
(whimsical music)
Wally?
What, Beav?
Yesterday, you would've thought one of them
would look at the dates on those papers.
Well, they were trying to help.
Some parents wouldn't have even done that.
Yeah, I guess we can't get too made at 'em.
[Wally] Uh uh, we can always get a new job.
Yeah, I guess that's a lot better
than gettin' new parents.
(audience laughing)
Ah.
(Ward clears throat)
(audience laughing)
(clears throat)
I see ya, Jack.
Be with ya in a minute.
Ah, son, ah, I'd like to speak to ah, Old Man Merkel.
I'm Old Man Merkel.
Keep your shirt on.
Now, what's your problem, Jack?
(audience laughing)
Well, ah, I'd like to talk to you
about the two Cleaver boys.
Cleaver, oh, you mean those two kids
who goofed up the route last night, huh?
You get last week's paper too?
Oh no, no, no, I didn't.
Well, you see ah, I'm their father.
So?
Well, so it ah, it wasn't their fault about the mix-up.
What do you mean it wasn't their fault?
It was their route, wasn't it?
Yes, yes, it was, but ah,
well (chuckles), well, you see,
I delivered those papers (chuckles).
Why would you do a thing like that, Jack?
(audience laughing)
My wife and I were trying to help the boys,
and we got hold of the wrong papers,
and don't call me Jack!
Okay, mister, what do you want me to do?
I want you to give the boys back their route.
Seems to me that even a man with your limited perspicacity
should be able to see that's the only fair thing to do.
Are you tryin' to insult me, Jack?
(audience laughing)
(Ward sighs)
Um.
Look, son, my company does a good deal
of advertising with this paper.
Now ah, do you think we should settle this here,
or should I go upstairs?
Well, what guarantee have I got
that the route won't be messed up again?
You've got my word for it, Jack.
(audience laughing)
Well, okay.
Well, I got their job back.
Good, how'd you do it?
I let a fella call me Jack.
(audience laughing)
Wally, Beaver!
Well, I got good news for you, boys.
Got your job back.
Oh.
Boys, what's the matter?
Your father went to a lot of trouble.
Yeah, I know, but, well see, I just talked to Chester,
and well, he's gonna take us down to the supermarket.
Yeah, we're gonna talk to the man
about packing boxes on weekends.
(audience laughing)
Well, but boys, your paper route.
(horn blowing)
Well, that's Chester's father now.
We gotta get going.
Yeah, we don't wanna mess up another job.
Oh, well, wait boys, look!
Well, what do we do now?
Well, I guess you fold and I wrap.
(audience laughing)
(whimsical music)
Hi.
Hi.
Where are the boys?
The new bike just came.
They're out unpacking it.
Oh, hmm, you know it's funny,
I ah, I know I encouraged them to earn their bike,
and I'm proud they did,
but ah, it does kinda put their father
in a nonessential class.
Oh, don't be silly.
Go on out and see if you could help them.
Well, maybe I will.
I'll just sort of wander out that way.
(audience laughing)
Well, that's a mighty fine looking bicycle, boys.
Yeah, it's real neat, Dad.
You know, when my brother and I got our bicycle together,
we had a terrible argument
about who was gonna get the first ride.
We're not arguing, Dad.
Uh uh, we just decided that.
Oh.
We want you to have the first ride.
(mellow music)
Oh, I guess you're kinda barrassed
riding a kid's bike, huh?
Me, not on your life.
(audience laughing)
(dramatic orchestral music)
(whimsical music)
(dramatic orchestral music)