The Andy Griffith Show (1960) s01e17 Episode Script

( whistling sprightly tune)
starring Andy Griffith
with Ronny Howard.
Also starring Don Knotts.
( laughs)
Well, there we go, Sheriff.
Floyd!
Oh! What, what's,
what's the matter?
My sideburns.
Your sideburns? What's the
matter with your sideburns?
Why, they're both even.
They're both even?
( mumbling)
Well, I'll be dogged!
How'd that happen?
Well, I declare, Floyd,
I believe you're
getting the hang of it.
Look at that.
They're the right
length and everything.
I know just what
I've got a better idea
( mumbling)
If we always
there you are, you see.
Now I'll cut 'em just
like that all the time, look.
Right here, right here.
That'll be your mark, Andy.
I appreciate that, Floyd.
Now, that's what I call
personalized service.
How about a little witch hazel?
Why not?
Sheriff! Oh, I sure
am glad I found you.
Boy, have I been
doing some detecting.
Have you really?
I sure have.
You want to hear about it?
Well, wait, wait,
Floyd, Floyd, Floyd.
Being in public office and all,
I don't dare get too adorable.
Andy, listen.
Wait a minute.
If you got a little
talcum powder
I could use a little of that.
What is it, Barney?
You know that still
we've been suspecting?
The one up at
Hawk's Point? Yeah.
Well, I just come that
close to knocking it over.
No. You come that
close? Yeah. Yeah.
Well, what happened?
Well, I couldn't find it.
How'd you know
it was that close?
Well, because I seen Otis
Campbell walking up the road
towards Hawk's Point
and he seemed just fine.
But about an hour later,
I seen him coming
back on that same road,
and this time he was
weaving and singing
and throwing
kisses to the world.
Your not being a law
man I don't suppose
that wouldn't mean
a whole lot to you.
Barney, you know, you
might have just pinpointed
the area we're looking for.
You really think so?
Well, I wouldn't be surprised.
Well, then, come on!
Let's get up there and
spread out a dragnet.
Well, now, wait a minute, here.
I got an obligation to Floyd.
It's fine to catch a moonshiner,
but it still ain't right for
me to leave the barber
until he's officially
removed the towel.
Right, Floyd?
( both laughing)
Make it snappy, Floyd.
I just know that
still's out there.
Oh, there's the sheriff.
Good!
Let's go in.
Jennifer!
You will be the death of me yet.
How many times must I tell you?
A lady never goes
into a barber shop.
I'm sorry, Clarabelle.
I keep forgetting.
It's just that the odor
of witch hazel draws me.
Jennifer, you have
got to control yourself.
But we've got to tell
the sheriff what we know.
Well, we will.
We'll wait outside for him.
Morning, ladies Miss
Jennifer, Miss Clarabelle.
Andy, what a pleasant surprise.
Yeah, how about that.
You just had a
haircut, didn't you?
Well, yes, ma'am, I did.
I can smell the witch hazel.
Jennifer.
Uh, did you ladies by any chance
want to talk to me?
Well, yes, in your
official capacity.
Oh, well, in that case
there, I guess I'm official.
Me, too. What's on your mind?
Well, we know the whereabouts
of a moonshine still.
Well, we appreciate that, ladies
but I'm afraid
you're a little late.
We already know
about that still.
We're on our way
to Hawk's Point now
to knock it over.
But it isn't at Hawk's Point.
Nowheres near.
Ain't that cute, Andy?
Them trying to
tell us where it is?
Less than an hour ago
I was that close to it.
But we saw it.
The way I spotted her
I seen Otis Campbell
stagger down the road singing.
Well, being a trained crime detector,
why I Barney, Barney, Barney, Barney.
I believe Miss
Clarabelle said something
that we ought to listen to.
What was that again,
Miss Clarabelle?
I said, we saw the
still with our own eyes.
I believe that's closer
than you was, Barney.
Well, it is if.
Now, are you sure
you really saw it?
Oh, yes. It was
up on Council Flat.
The man's name is Ben Sewell.
He owns a potato farm about
half a mile down Ash Road.
He was wearing blue overalls,
a brown felt hat,
a red plaid shirt,
and he was pouring and
corking the bottles himself.
Well, Andy, we
can't go traipsing off
on flimsy information like that.
Well, now, after
all, Deputy Fife,
we are servants of the people,
and when two
respectable citizens,
like the ladies here,
report a crime, why,
it's our duty to act on it.
Ladies, I want you to
know the law thanks you.
We like to see justice done.
Don't think we're
old-fashioned, Sheriff.
We believe a body has a
right to a nip, now and then.
But it should always
be for an occasion
is what we believe.
Come, Jennifer.
( inhaling deeply)
Jennifer!
Bye!
Bless her heart.
If this tip pans out,
I believe I'll get her
a bottle of witch hazel
all to herself.
( humming)
There it is, Barney.
The Morrison sisters is right.
That sure is old Ben and
he sure is runnin' a still.
Yeah, you know what
I bet happened? What?
I bet he seen I was closin'
in on him up at Hawk's Point.
Quick as a flash, he moved
the whole shebang over here.
I guess you don't bet
that's what happened, huh?
Well, what's the difference?
Main thing is, we got him.
Yeah, well, let's,
uh, let's, uh
let's go in shootin'.
Now, easy, Barney.
That's old Ben;
he's a friend of ours.
There ain't no call to
go shootin' at old Ben.
We'll just move in
and take him easy like.
Come on.
Howdy, Ben!
I say, Ben, you got company!
We
( gunshot)
( gunshot)
Don't go shootin'
at old Ben, huh?
Well, ain't that better
than him shootin' at old us?
Hey, Ben!
It's me, Andy Taylor!
And me, Barney Fife!
You better give up, Ben,
or I'm gonna come in and get ya.
Oh, Andy? That's you and Barney?
Come on, glad to see ya.
I'm sorry I shot at ya, boys.
I thought you's the law.
What do you think this
is, a Boy Scout badge?
I meant that mean law,
federal men, revenuers.
Oh
Hey, how 'bout a nip?
I got some aged
stuff back yonder
pert a'near three weeks old.
Yeah, well, I
appreciate it, Ben.
That sounds awful good,
but I'm afraid we're on duty.
You are?
Yeah, we're makin' an arrest.
Sure enough, who you arrestin'?
You.
Me? What would you
be arrestin' me for?
Oh, now, Ben, you
know runnin' a still's
against the law.
Sure, it is
against the federal
law, but you're local law.
Now, Ben, it's
against the law period.
Now, this is a dry county
and I'm supposed
to keep it that way.
Oh, Andy.
I just want to
warn you, prisoner,
anything you say'll
be held against you.
Let's take him in, Sheriff.
Let's go, Ben.
And so, ladies, the
Mayberry Sheriff's Office
officially thanks you
for your valuable
information and cooperation
in the apprehending of
the violator, Ben Sewell.
Well, we were
glad to help, Sheriff.
Anyways, ladies, we just
wanted to let you know
you can rest easy now
'cause me and Sheriff Taylor
has wiped out moonshining
in this county for good.
Oh, I don't think so.
You don't?
No.
Do we, Jennifer?
No, indeed.
We have reference to the still
that Rube Sloan is
operating at Furness Crick.
Rube Sloan's operating a still?
Well, that's the most
ridiculous thing I ever heard of.
How would you
know that, anyways?
Oh we take walks
and we see things.
Well, they was right
about Ben Sewell.
Maybe we'd be smart
to pay old Rube a visit.
Much obliged to you, ladies.
Well, we better get
on with business.
Bye.
Bye. Bye.
Bye.
Well, shall we get back
to our work, Jennifer?
Oh, by all means, Clarabelle.
All right, halt.
Turn around.
Reach.
Barney, you already
frisked him twice.
I know, Andy. We
can't be too careful
with two moonshiners in here.
There's liable
to be a jail break.
Two moonshiners?!
Ben Sewell!
So it was you tipped 'em off.
You no-good squealer
Hey, Rube, Rube, Rube.
That rough stuff
don't go in here.
We don't allow it.
Ben.
Now, now the fact is
neither one of you
told on the other.
Then how come you know about us?
Well, now I'm afraid
that's something I
can't tell you, Rube.
No, it wouldn't
do to tell you that.
Barney, how about
you telling us?
Are you joshin'?
You know it's against
the code of the law man
to divulge his
source of information.
Well, wild horses couldn't
drag that out of me.
Was it Frank Watkins?
Rube, don't even try.
Les Peterson.
You're just wastin' your breath.
Well, will you tell
me if I guess right?
You ain't gonna get
nothin' outta me
Not a word, not a sign.
Joe Richards.
Let me see now.
They ain't been anybody
else up at my place lately
'ceptin' those
Morrison sisters, and
The Morrison sisters!
That's who it was, wasn't it?
It was the Morrison sisters.
Darn you, Rube Sloan.
Yeah, they's the ones, Rube.
Them nosy biddies.
Well, I can tell you
one thing, Rube.
Mayberry'd be a whole
lot nicer town to live in
if we had more fine,
honest, upright citizens
like Clarabelle and
Jennifer Morrison.
Yes, sir.
That'll be four dollars, Otis.
Four dollars?
I can get it from
Ben Sewell for three.
Oh, I don't think so.
No, indeed.
What do you mean? Why not?
He's in the jail.
Sheriff put him
there this morning.
Oh.
Well, then I'll get
it from Rube Sloan.
What's the matter,
Sheriff catch him, too?
Sheriff Taylor is
right on the job.
Right on the job!
Why don't he spend his
time putting down crime
instead of destroying
good liquor?
How come you
didn't get caught, too?
( gasps)
Why, Otis Campbell,
you know we're not like them.
They sell moonshine
for drinking purposes
and that is wrong.
We sell elixir for celebrations.
And for special occasions.
By the way, just what occasion
you buying this for?
Uh, uh, well,
uh, uh I my
No occasion, no nippin'.
Bu-bu-bu ah, da, um
Do you, do you know, uh
Do you know what day
Sir Walter Raleigh
first landed in Virginia?
No.
Today's the day.
We celebrate.
Well, I guess we could call that
a special occasion, Clarabelle.
Oh, well, I suppose so.
Oh, all right.
Otis
mind you just don't use that
for plain drinking now.
Happy Sir Walter
Raleigh Landing Day!
Well, I'm goin' down
that road feelin' bad, Lord ♪
Yes, I'm goin' down
that road feelin' bad ♪
Yes, I'm goin' down that
road fellin' bad, Lord, Lord ♪
And I ain't gonna
be treated this a-way ♪
Well, they feed me on
cornbread and peas, Lord ♪
Feed me on
cornbread and peas ♪
Yes, they feed me on
cornbread and peas, Lord, Lord ♪
And I ain't gonna
be treated this a-way ♪
Oh, down in the jail
on my knees, Lord ♪
Down in the jail on my knees ♪
Down in the jail on
my knees, Lord, Lord ♪
And I ain't gonna
be treated this a-way. ♪
How'd you like that, boys?
Andy, when are we
gettin' out of here?
Oh you don't like my singin'?
Well, I guess it just takes
some folks longer to get used to it
than it does others.
You just stay awhile
and it'll grow on you.
We got to stay in here
till we like your singin'?
Well
We like it, we like it!
Is that from the heart?
Mm-hmm! Mm-hmm!
( laughing)
Well, I reckon 48 hours
is about enough time.
I reckon we can just let 'em out
on probation, all right, Deputy?
Yeah.
Okay.
We'll see you, Rube.
Write if you get work.
Don't reckon these
fellas can do any harm
now that their stills
is out of commission.
You mean you smashed 'em?
To smithereens!
Took a great big ax
and pow! Pow! Pow!
What did you do that for?
Why, I made that still
with my own hands.
She was my masterpiece.
Oh, well, now,
I'm, I'm sorry, Ben
but the law says
if we find a still
it's our duty to bust her up.
And that's what we done.
Took a great big ax
and pow! Pow! Pow!
Maybe there's a little
piece of copper tubing left
to sort of remember her by.
Not even that.
You might as well face
it We've clamped the lid
on moonshinin' in
Mayberry for good,
and it's gonna stay
clamped, right, Sheriff?
Right, Deputy.
Yeah. And don't try
to start it up again
because if you do we'll
just be back with our ax
and pow! Pow! Pow!
Uh I believe he got
the message, Barney.
Yeah, well, I hope so.
We'll see you, Ben.
( chuckles)
Well, moonshinin's
dead in Mayberry.
( drunkenly): Howdy, Sheriff.
There's my fine.
Don't forget to
wake me up Monday.
That's the beginning
of National Potato Week
and I want to celebrate.
He's been drinking!
Yeah, I'd, I'd say that.
Well, where'd he get it?
We clamped the lid down.
Well, Deputy Fife,
I guess that lid we clamped
has just sprung a leak.
Bye!
Happy Mohammed's birthday!
I had no idea there were so
many Moslems in Mayberry.
I could have sworn Lars
Hansen was a Lutheran.
Just shows, if it
wasn't for their holidays
you'd never know.
Well, speaking of holidays,
don't you think we'd better
make up another batch?
We won't have enough elixir
for National Potato Week.
Now, that's real good
thinking, Jennifer.
You know, you have a
good head on your shoulders.
If only you weren't
so boy-crazy.
All right, come on.
We'll make some
more mash right now.
Why, Opie!
Opie Taylor, you
come out of there.
What you doing here?
I wanted to ask a favor,
but Paw says I
shouldn't bother people.
What is it, Opie?
Well, I guess it doesn't
happen when you're nice ladies,
but when you're a
bad boy in school
you sure get in trouble.
The teacher gets
real mad at you.
And you know what happens
when the teacher gets real mad?
You don't get to go out
and play ball during recess.
Oh, that's awful.
What can we do to help?
Well, if I was to bring the
teacher some pretty flowers,
maybe she'd get un-mad.
And you got the
prettiest flowers in town.
Well, you just help yourself.
Take all you want to.
Only, just don't bother
to go into the hothouse.
Those are special flowers
you wouldn't want
to bother with.
Come on, Jennifer.
The trouble I'm in
with Miss Johnson
I could use special flowers.
All right, Otis, now,
this is your last chance.
You tell me where
you got the stuff or else.
Come on, tell!
Now, Otis, I mean business.
You tell me where
you got that moonshine.
Wherever you got it,
it sure stays with you
a long time, don't it?
You might just as
well give up, Barney.
I ain't a-gonna tell.
Andy, you talk to him.
Well, now, Barney,
I doubt that Otis is
gonna do any talking.
He seems mighty
set on not helping us.
I wished I could, Andy.
But it's a matter of ethics.
Us town drunks have
a code we live by.
Well, I guess we got
to respect a man's code.
Might as well lock
him up, Barney.
We'll have to find
that still by ourselves.
Come on, Otis.
Say, listen, Otis
Otis, couldn't you
just give us a little hint?
You wouldn't have
to say anything.
Just point us in the
general direction.
What do you say,
Otis, old buddy?
Stubborn mule!
Paw, look what I got!
Oh, hi, Ope, they're
pretty flowers.
I got 'em from the
Morrison sisters.
ANDY: That's nice.
Why don't you just
take 'em on home?
But they're for the teacher.
Well, take 'em to
your teacher, then.
But I want a nicer
vase than this old jar.
It smells funny.
ANDY: Well, there's a vase
in the back room
that you can have.
You just take that
and don't bother me.
Thanks, Paw.
All right.
Nice flowers.
Yeah.
Barney, look here.
We're just gonna
have to comb the entire area.
Maybe deputize a few fellas
if you can find a
few non-drinkers.
Full-scale operation, I'd say.
Where you reckon
we ought to start?
Well, ain't no use in
goin' over to Council Flat.
We already got
Ben's still over there.
Well, what about, uh
what about, uh, Fancy Gap?
Yeah
Yeah, there's a
There's a lot of holes
and hollers around there
a fella can hide
hide something in.
( clears throat)
Ain't they pretty, Paw?
Yeah, they're nice.
The Morrison sisters
grow nice flowers.
Yeah, and I know why, too.
They got a
flower-making machine.
ANDY: Now, Barney,
I believe we'll deputize
Alderman Roe and Reverend Akin,
and a few non-drinkers
like that while
A flower-making machine?
Sure, they got it
in their hothouse.
I seen it.
( laughs)
Opie, I believe you're mistaken.
Machines don't raise flowers.
That's mother nature's job.
Well, they got a
machine to help.
That's cute, huh?
Flower-making machine.
ANDY: Hey, Opie
What kind of machine?
What's it look like?
Well, it's a big,
round copper pot
with a fire under it,
and there's a pipe that
curls round and round like this
and runs into a little bucket.
Bye, Paw.
( chuckles)
That don't sound like a
flower-making machine to me.
Sounds more like a still.
Everybody knows the
big, round copper pot
with a fire under
it and a lot of coil
You know what that smells like?
Smells a little bit
like liquor, don't it?
Oh, ladies, you certainly
have been naughty.
Naughty?! Criminals
is what they are, Sheriff!
They're criminals!
Now, easy, Barney.
Why, we aren't the criminals.
It's the moonshiners
are the criminals.
They been selling it
for drinking purposes.
What do you think
people do with your stuff?
Soak it in bread and eat it?
Our elixir is sold
only for celebrations
and special occasions.
Uh, what kind of occasions?
Oh, you know, Christmas and
New Year's and Fourth of July
And there are a lot of
other occasions, too.
There's National Potato
Week, that's coming up.
And there's Panama
Canal Day and Bastille day.
You see, National Potato
Week and Panama Canal Day
and Bastille Day
and all of those
well, they're not, they're
not what you'd call
legally recognized holidays.
And this booze you been selling
ain't legally recognized, either
so I got to take this
ax and pow! Pow! Pow!
Sheriff, you mean
those men all lied to us
just to buy our elixir?
That's right.
And they've been buying
not for special occasions
but just for plain guzzling?
Yes, ma'am.
Lord
Can you imagine?
Well, Sheriff, I guess
the only thing to do
is go right ahead, do your duty.
Pow, pow, pow?
Wait just a minute, Barney.
Ladies, Miss Clarabelle,
Miss Jennifer
Well, I guess it's all
right to have a little taste.
After all, it is National
Still-Smashing Day.
Morning, ladies.
You, uh, lookin' for me?
Yes, Sheriff.
We came to tell you
about our new business.
And to give you a free sample.
New business?
You didn't put that still
together again, did you?
Oh, my, no.
But you see, we had all
the berries and the jars
and, well, we decided
to put up preserves.
Preserves is good for
celebratin' occasions, too.
Yes.
We left a jar inside with Barney
and I hope you enjoy this.
Ah, well, thank
you kindly, ladies.
And I'm happy that you
saw the error of your ways
and that you're in
a respectable,
upstanding business now.
Thank you.
Bye.
Bye. Bye. Bye.
Well, Barney, I
see you're trying
the Morrison sisters' preserves.
I believe these are just
about the best preserves
I ever ate.
Barney, I got a feeling
their rehabilitation
ain't quite complete.