Family Affair (1966) s01e18 Episode Script

1
My dear Mr. Davis, a matter of the most
pressing nature has arisen.
Hi.
Hey, where's Scotty?
Got home, sir.
I'm the new night man.
No, that's okay.
We carried him this far.
You must be Mr. Davis.
Welcome back, sir.
Thank you.
We've been on the road a week.
I saw all my old friends in Terre Haute.
I saw my young ones.
Tell Scotty we stayed in hotels and motels
and tents, and we even slept in sleeping bags.
No problems, no phone calls, no mail.
French?
Mr. French!
We're home!
Hey, French!
Maybe he's out shopping or something.
He didn't know when we were going to come
back.
Mr. Davis, urgent.
Urgent!
Hey, kids, come here.
I've got a letter for Mr. French.
Now, listen, kids.
My dear Mr. Davis, a matter of the most
pressing nature has arisen.
I've been advised by the British
ambassador that Her Majesty the Queen
Her Majesty the Queen
has personally requested my services
to accompany the royal household on a
visit to various capitals of the Commonwealth.
I hope to return to your service within a
matter of one month.
He's gone.
Mr. French is actually gone for a whole
month.
Please, can't we get him back?
I don't want him to go.
No, I don't want him to go either.
The fact is, he's gone.
We're just going to have to make the best
of it for a while.
What are we going to do?
I can take care.
of it.
That's right.
Yes?
The apartment of Mr. William Davis,
I presume?
Yes.
My name is French, Nigel French.
Nigel French.
Won't you come in, please?
Are you any relation to Mr. French?
Mr. Giles French is my brother.
You missed him.
He went to London to see the Queen.
I was aware of his plans.
You see, sir, I've been employed by the Van Schuylers
of High Ennisport to supervise their household.
So I was practically at hand when my
brother appealed to me.
Yeah, I see.
Appealed to you for what?
Oh, to take his place until his return.
Want to play school with me, Jody?
I play school every day in school.
I'll be the teacher, and Mrs. Beasley will
be the principal.
And you can be the whole class.
I'll play school if we can play catch.
We're doing spelling.
Why can't we do recess?
Sissy, would you play catch with me?
Oh, I can't, Jody.
I've got to put my hair up.
Please, Sissy.
Oh, all right.
But just for a few minutes.
Oh.
Oh, Sissy.
Sissy, you throw just like a girl.
Well, I am a girl.
Just for that, I think I'll do my hair
after all.
Mr. French, would you play catch with me?
I'm sorry, Jody.
American baseball is not my cup of tea.
Don't you know how?
Well, it's not a question of knowing how.
Basically, I'm a cricket man.
That's all right.
I like caterpillars.
May I suggest, Jody, that you go and amuse
yourself with your sisters?
Am.
I glad you're home.
How are you?
What a day.
I had to hang around Cissy and Buffy all
afternoon.
Wait a minute, Jody.
French!
Hey, French!
Good evening, son.
We're later than we expected.
Your dinner jacket is pressed and waiting.
Thank you.
And we have already taken the Liberty of
informing Miss Patterson you will be a trifle late.
That's what I like about you, French.
You've got ESP.
Thank you, son.
Uncle Bill!
Oh, listen, Jody, I've got to go and
change my clothes.
Now, why don't you go see what your
sisters are doing, huh?
Sisters are always doing sister stuff.
Hey, Bill, you know about that
hydroelectric project up in Rochester?
I think maybe we can swing another one if
we
Bill.
Yeah, you remember anything about being a
little kid?
What's that got to do with Rochester?
Nothing's got to do with Jody.
He won't have anything to do with his
sisters.
Nothing.
Ah.
I recognize the symptoms.
I was raised in a city where there was no
electricity.
I was raised by a mother, two aunts,
and three sisters.
And there are times when I felt like
writing a note to the outside world
saying, help, I'm being held prisoner in a
petticoat jail.
They go out of their way to be nice to
him.
Mine did, too.
You know, the boy needs masculine
companionship.
You.
Me.
Who else?
We're going to the baseball game tonight.
Why don't you take Jody?
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Thanks.
I'm in here.
Huh.
You're a pretty fast reader.
I slow down when there are words.
Listen, you want to go to the ball game
with Mr. Gaynor and me tonight?
Just us guys?
Yeah, just us guys.
Oh, boy!
Hi, Uncle Bill.
Hi.
Mrs. Beasley.
I was sick all day today.
Oh, gee, I'm sorry to hear that.
Maybe she'll be better tomorrow.
I hope so, too.
I ate all her candy pills.
Well, I'd better get ready.
Right, me too.
Where are you going?
Uncle Bill's taking us guys to the ball
game.
You're a kid.
You better sit down before you fall down,
Jody.
All right, Chuck, baby, let's get some
wood on it.
Uncle Bill, if I catch a ball,
can I keep it?
If you catch a ball, they'll probably sign
you up.
The.
ball game for 25 years and never caught a
foul, too.
Yeah, Jody, here's a ball for you.
Hey.
Jody.
Jody.
Look what I caught.
Did they sign you up?
Uncle Bill, when I grow up, would I have
to shave?
Yeah, I'm afraid so.
Jody, I got to take another trip tomorrow.
Oh, you're going away again.
Well, it's just going to be for one day.
I'm going to a little place I know for
fishing.
I want you to come along.
Oh, boy.
Yeah, that's a date.
You want to go?
You bet.
I'll go tell Buffy.
Don't gloat.
I won't.
I won't.
What does gloat mean?
Well, that means when you say something
like, Uncle Bill's taking me fishing, but you can't go.
I give up.
How come you always give up so fast?
It saves time.
Uncle Bill's taking me fishing,
but I can say that he's not taking you.
Why not?
Because that would be gloating.
Well, I don't like fishing.
You never fished before.
If I liked fishing, I'd like worms,
and I hate worms.
I'll go tell someone.
Well, I didn't figure on that.
They want both of us at that meeting in
Rochester tomorrow.
You know, I'd go up there alone, Bill, but if
we want to talk more hydroelectric projects
Yeah, yeah, I know, we both should go.
Jody's gonna be awful disappointed.
I'm gonna take Jody along with us.
You know, there's a great little fishing
spot up there.
We'll have conferences all day long.
The poor kid'll get lost in the shuffle.
Oh, yeah, I suppose you're right.
He'll be just as bored as he was at the
baseball game.
I wish I was going fishing.
The toughest part's going to be listening to all
those speeches before getting down to business.
The toughest part's gonna be explaining it
to Jody.
Well, I'd rather go fishing with you,
Jody, but it just looks like I have to go
up there to Rochester and talk all this
business stuff.
That's okay.
I don't care.
We'll go fishing some other time,
okay?
Okay, Uncle Bill.
I'll just have to find something else to
do tomorrow.
Maybe you could talk French into taking
you to the zoo, huh?
He'll be busy.
Buffy's having a birthday party for Mrs.
Beasley.
Oh.
You invited?
Me and a lot of girls.
They're coming over with their dolls.
Well, that kind of party can't last all
day, Bill.
At night, Cissy's having a sleeping party.
More girls, only bigger.
Doesn't sound like much fun.
Who cares?
Well, good night, Uncle Bill.
I wouldn't have caught any fish anyway.
Oh, Jody.
Now, that's no way for a fisherman to
talk.
Jody, I'll tell you what.
You're gonna catch some fish, and you're
gonna catch them this weekend.
You're gonna come with me.
To Rochester?
Yeah, to Rochester.
I'll get that old business out of the way, and
then we'll go to Lake Chihuahua, so how about that?
Uncle Bill, I was only fooling before.
I really did care.
Well, I'm glad you told me, pal,
because you sure had me fooled.
Hi, pal.
When are we going fishing?
Well, as soon as I wind up this business.
You've been winding a long time.
I know, I know.
I'm sorry I had to leave you here in this
room all alone.
I couldn't get back any sooner.
I want to thank you for looking after him.
Oh, the young man is in a bit of trouble.
Uncle Bill, when are we going fishing?
We're going to go fishing as soon as I get
finished.
I rented a camper for us.
Now, that's a kind of a truck, you know,
with a thing like a house on the back.
And we'll go right after dinner,
okay?
Oh, boy.
Bill, something's come up.
Their attorney objects to Section 23.
All right, let's get down there and get it
over with.
I'll be just a little while longer,
Jody.
Uncle Bill, are we gonna sleep in the
camper?
You bet we're gonna sleep in a camper.
I'll be back as soon as I can.
Bye-bye.
I'm so glad you could open the door.
I'll come to Mrs. Beasley's party.
Good afternoon, young ladies.
It's been pleasant, but hectic.
I'll take them to the elevator.
Oh, Mr. French!
My friends are all here for my slumber
party.
Hi.
Come this way.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Mr. French!
Isn't this fun?
Delightful.
Hey, come on, sport.
Rise and shine.
It's too dark for shining.
I know, but we're finally going fishing.
No more business?
Just bass business.
Now go on, get dressed.
We're going to Lake Chihuahua.
Get out of there.
That's a funny name.
Yeah, that's an Indian word.
It means lapping waters or something like
that.
You mean we're going to see Indians?
No.
No, there's no Indians there anymore,
son.
They used to fish there a long time ago.
I hope they left us some bass.
Don't worry about it.
Get your teeth brushed.
You mean you have to brush your teeth even
to go fishing?
That's right.
I bet the Indians didn't have to.
Dandy, just dandy.
Won't the car go anymore?
No, not with a broken water pump.
Well, I'm sorry, pal.
Looks like we're stuck for a while.
I don't mind, Uncle Bill.
Well, don't worry about it.
We'll get it fixed up and get out of here.
I don't care.
Well, I do.
I promised you a good time, and you're
gonna have one today.
You got that?
I thought they'd be here by now.
That's all right, Uncle Bill.
I don't mind.
You ain't eating that cereal dry,
are you?
We don't have any milk.
Well, that's my fault.
I thought we'd eat breakfast up at the lake,
and we could stop and buy fresh milk on the way.
That's all right, Uncle Bill.
I don't mind.
Will you quit saying that?
I feel bad enough now.
How can you eat that stuff without milk?
It's just chew harder.
All right, don't eat too much.
We're gonna have fish for lunch,
remember?
Oh, here comes the truck.
Are you gonna give me a fishing license,
too?
No, you just tell the game warden you're
not 16 yet.
I sure hope he believes me.
Well, if he does not believe you,
I'll talk him into it.
Afternoon.
Oh, I'd like to get a fishing license,
please.
We need some bait for bass.
Yeah, here you are, mister.
You just sign here.
You like fishing, young man?
I don't know.
I never went.
These, uh, knife rollers out to get you
the big ones.
Thank you.
How far is it to Lake Chihuahua?
Oh, it's just down the road and over the
hill.
Don't tell me you're gonna go fishing at
Lake Chihuahua.
That's where we're heading.
Well, these knife crawlers aren't gonna do
you any good.
What do you mean?
Lake's dried up.
Has been for two years.
Ever since they diverted the water for the
reservoir system.
Any more lakes around here?
Yeah, there's Green Lake.
That's where I thought you were going.
It's about a mile.
A three-hour drive.
Well, I can't make that.
I got to catch a plane for New York at
Well, that looks like you're not going to
be doing any fishing.
Jody, I just don't know what to say.
That's all right, Uncle Bill.
I should have found out about these things
first.
That's all right.
Really?
No, it isn't.
Hey, hey, mister, you forgot your worms.
Here.
Here.
Business, water pumps, dried-up lakes.
That lake was the last straw.
Uncle Bill, I didn't care.
Jody, I know you're trying to make me feel
better, but this trip was a full-fledged disaster.
I mean, a total mess.
Now give me your sweater, will you?
Hey.
What's the matter?
Didn't you like being with me?
Well, sure I did, pal.
It was the only good part.
I just know how disappointed you must be.
I didn't have a disaster.
I had a swell time.
Even when everything went wrong?
I didn't care, Uncle Bill.
I was with you.
Thank you, pal.
You know something?
I feel the same way.
We both had a good time.
Yeah, us guys gotta go fishing again.
Right.
Thank you.