Gilligan's Island (1964) s01e18 Episode Script

1
["The ballad of gilligan's island"]
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale ♪
a tale of a fateful trip ♪
that started from this tropic port ♪
aboard this tiny ship ♪
the mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪
the skipper brave and sure ♪
five passengers set sail that day ♪
for a three hour tour ♪
a three hour tour ♪
[thunder rumbling]
The weather started getting rough ♪
the tiny ship was tossed ♪
if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
the minnow would be lost ♪
the minnow would be lost ♪
the ship set ground on the shore ♪
of this uncharted desert isle ♪
with gilligan ♪
the skipper too ♪
the millionaire ♪
and his wife ♪
the movie star ♪
and the rest ♪
are here on gilligan's isle ♪
Major, operation powderkeg
is ready for the final phase.
Yes, sir.
Now, we'll learn exactly
what that new warhead will do.
It's to be tested down
the south sea missile range.
We found the perfect place.
No habitation, no people.
"'That's wonderful, sir"
'I'll release an announcement to
the press and radio stations.'
Here, skipper.
Here's the pole you wanted.
Thanks a lot, gilligan.
"X" marks the spot.
This is where it will go up.
- Oh.
- Ow!
Not that. The play room.
Yeah. It's a good idea, skipper.
If we're gonna be stuck here
we might as well have fun.
Certainly, that's why I
suggested we build a play room.
A nice big one. May as well
make the island nice.
Can we have a dance?
Well, that's not too good a suggestion.
We're only three women and four
men. It might cause trouble.
No, that's okay nowadays, skipper.
They don't dance in couples,
they just choose up sides.
[Laughs]
Very good.
Well, now you start sawing the Poles
and I wanna listen to the noon day news.
Oh, uh, do you know who has the radio?
Uh, oh, yeah, professor has it.
- Thank you.
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.
- No, Mary Ann has it.
- Ah.
No, no, wait.
Ginger, she has it.
No, no. The howells, they have it.
Gilligan, do you know who has the radio?
No.
Of course not. Saw.
[Dramatic music]
You sent for me, sir?
Did you released the information
on operation powderkeg?
Yes, sir, the press have been notified
and all radio stations
in the south sea area.
Good, judging from this latest report
projected power of this
new warhead is fantastic.
Everything within a radius
of a hundred miles
will be totally destroyed.
Hi, folks. Have you seen the radio?
I haven't seen it. Maybe the girls have it.
Skipper, it's very fascinating.
Professor is making
a mirror for Mrs. Howell.
Maybe he'll make one for you too.
Thanks, I'd rather have
the radio not a mirror.
I'm more interested
in good news than bad news.
[Laughs]
(Man on radio) 'One, two, three, four.'
'one, two, three, four.'
'one, two, three, four.'
'one, two, three, four.'
'one, two, three, four.'
'one, two, three, four.'
'and now you can rest.'
[sighs]
(Skipper) And now, ladies, the
next exercise is a real tough one.
Deep knee bends.
Ready?
One.
Wonder why he has us
down here so long?
I don't know.
If we'd been doing
these exercises all along
we'd be in good shape.
I don't see how you exercise
in that dress. It's so tight.
I'm surprised it doesn't cut off circulation.
Honey, in Hollywood
the tighter the dress,
the more the girl circulates.
Then, what are you ladies
doing down there?
- Oh, skipper.
- What's going on?
- You turned it off!
- Oh, skipper.
I was just having a little fun.
- That wasn't very nice.
- It certainly wasn't.
(Man on radio) 'That was a special
news bulletin from radio Honolulu..'
[radio static]
What's the matter with the radio?
- I don't know.
- Skipper?
- Radio's gone dead.
- Dead?
Oh, dear.
Can you tell what's wrong, professor?
Well, nothing seems to be broken.
I'd say it was the batteries.
Oh, well, without the batteries
it may as well be broken.
I'm afraid you're right.
There goes our only contact
with civilization.
This is the final authorization
for operation powderkeg.
Have you been in touch
with vandenberg?
Yes, sir, they can get
the warhead installed
the missile ready by tomorrow.
Just need your approval.
- Permission granted.
- Thank you, sir.
[Dramatic music]
[Whizzing]
Oh, this is dreadful.
Without the radio how will
I keep up with the fashion?
I won't know what's
happening in Hollywood.
- Who's getting married to who?
- Whom.
Now, that's women for you.
One worrying about what
the other women are wearing.
The other one worrying
about whom they're wearing.
- Who.
- Yeah, yeah.
Darling, you're only interested
in the stock market.
We women have
more important interests.
Oh, that's right.
I'll never learn what happened
to the young Dr. Malone.
After he cured Mrs. Tellingham's
baby of measles
'he barely got to the hospital'
in time to set
Peter pit man's broken arm.
What he didn't realized was
Peter pit man was dating
his very own girlfriend.
While they were driving in a convertible
they swerved to avoid hitting
a car driven by widow Watson
who was a dear friend
of Dr. Malone's father
who was shopping for Annabel hawks.
Well
good heavens. That's enough
to drain anyone's battery.
Well, it's the batteries alright.
'Cause everything else
is in perfect working order.
No, the company that makes
those batteries
is a disgrace to the American
free enterprise system.
I mean really, I've got
dozens of companies.
'We make hundreds
of products like that.'
and you've got to maintain
production standards.
But, thurston
there is no excuse
for shoddy workmanship.
Not with testing facilities
the way they are today.
You market something, you've got
to make it with meticulous care
to last and to last and to last.
But, thurston, these batteries were made
by the thurston ho well battery company.
Well, you can't expect them
to last forever, can you?
I'd go out of business. Lovey, really!
I've got an extra set
of batteries for the radio.
He's got an extra set of batteries.
That's great!
- Had them all along.
- He had them all along.
- Forgot about them.
- He forgot about them.
Feel like an absolute idiot.
He feels like, he had them all the time.
- All set.
- Can I turn it on, skipper?
- Please?
- Yes, as soon as he gets..
- Yes, go ahead. Turn it on.
- Turn it on, gilligan.
Ah, it's on. It's on.
Gilligan, what did you do?
Didn't do anything. Just turned it on.
It's not his fault, skipper.
These batteries are dead too.
But I never used them.
Batteries can lose power
just sitting on a shelf.
Hey. Wait a minute,
skipper, we're in luck.
Yeah, bad luck.
No, these batteries are rechargeable.
Professor, how can we recharge
batteries here on the island?
Don't even have a credit card.
Seawater. I used to do this
experiment in science class.
We use seawater instead
of battery acid to revitalize
old dry cell batteries
and produce electricity.
Seawater? Well,
what are we waiting for?
We've got enough seawater to
light up all lights on Broadway.
Here's what we'll do.
We need coconut shells,
seawater, metal strips, pennies.
(Professor) The pennies are
held in the seawater by the hairpins.
The wire coming from the pennies
leads to the positive pole of the battery.
Metal strips on the other side
of the coconuts
lead to the negative pole of the battery.
Now, everybody get ready
to stir their coconuts
when I get the battery hooked up.
Alright. Everybody stir.
I wonder if Thomas Edison
started this way?
Looks like a crazy Martini, doesn't it?
Alright, that should be enough.
Let's see if we can get anything.
[Instrumental music]
- Ha, it works!
- Great! Great!
(Skipper) Professor, you did it. You did it.
(Man on radio) 'Ladies and gentlemen'
'we interrupt this program
to bring you a news bulletin.'
'vandenberg air force base, California'
'announces that at noon tomorrow
it will test a new missile'
'designated, operation powderkeg.'
'the warhead will be sent down
the south sea missile range'
'to an isolated area, approximately'
'140 degrees latitude
and 10 degrees longitude.'
'more on operation powderkeg
during our regularly scheduled'
'news cast. We return
you now to our studio.'
did he say 140 degrees latitude?
- Yes.
- And ten degrees longitude?
What's the matter, skipper?
Don't anybody panic
'cause I'm not really sure
'but we were a 100 miles
east of that position'
'before we drifted for that three days.'
and with the prevailing western currents
well, that's approximately
our position here.
They said down the south sea
missile range
to an isolated area.
That would confirm, an area
away from the shipping lanes.
As far as the authorities,
no one inhabited.
You mean?
[Telephone ringing]
General Bryan.
Vandenberg? Put him on.
Yes, colonel, I was just
on my way to the airport.
Technical problem in the new warhead?
I see. Mm-hmm.
We'll remove the explosive
and go ahead with the launch.
At least we can get a test
of the new guidance system.
No. No need to announce
any change in plans.
[Dialing]
- Hi, gilligan.
- Hi, Mary Ann.
What are you doing?
Straightening up so it'll
be nice when it's blown up.
What have you got?
A coconut cream pie for you.
- For me?
- Mm-hmm.
You start thinking at a time like this.
I haven't been as nice to you as I should.
That's not true. You've been nice to me.
I haven't. Take last night for instance.
You wanted another piece
of pie and I said no.
You were right, that was my eighth piece.
If you'd wanted it
why shouldn't you have eight?
Because the first seven
gave me a stomach ache.
We haven't got much time left
between now and you know when.
When?
Oh, that when.
Thought I'd be specially
nice to everybody.
I baked you two pies.
I'll bring the other one when it's ready.
Thank you.
Boy, what a way to go!
(Skipper) 'Gilligan!'
in here, skipper.
- How about that Mary Ann?
- Oh, no.
She thought she wasn't being
nice enough to me
so she made me two pies.
Actually, she's been wonderful to me.
I haven't been very good to you, buddy.
- That's not true.
- Yes, it is.
Don't say that to make me
feel better. I know it's true.
I yell at you and bawl you out
when you're trying to do your best.
What I'm saying is, I want
you to have one of my pies.
No, skipper, she made it for you.
I insist, trying to make up for
the way that I've treated you.
And I know that if she
had made two pies for you
you'd give one to me.
I want you to eat every bite.
I like the way you treat me
and yell at me.
Before it's late a man should
look at the people around him.
And figure out what he can do
to make their lives happier.
You don't know how happy
you're gonna make me feel
when I see you eating this pie.
Oh, no, skipper..
Thanks a lot, gilligan.
[Thud]
Are you sure that
you want to make a new will?
Yes, I'd like to get things right
before we take a walk up
that great flight of stairs
to the big bank vault in the sky.
What makes you sure we're
gonna walk up and not down?
That's the reason I want a new will.
Let me see, lovey, up until now
my favorite charity has been me.
I think it's time to think of other people.
I direct in that will, that all the money
from the first national bank be
distributed to needy children.
Needy children. Oh, thurston,
that's a marvelous idea.
That means, of course, children
not living in Beverly Hills.
Naturally. Now let's not
forget medical science.
- We must help fight disease.
- Which disease, darling?
That's quite a problem
to decide which one.
So let's leave ten million
dollars to each disease.
That ought to take care of all the money
in the, uh, second national bank.
Are there that many diseases?
By the time they find our will in that bottle
I think they'll discover
some new diseases.
Now, what about the money
in the third national bank?
We leave it to the first national bank
and let them worry about it.
Marvelous, lovey.
Oh, before we put that note in a bottle
let's try once more to figure out a way
to see if we can take it with us.
- Hi.
- Oh, hi.
- Am I intruding?
- Oh, no.
I was just thinking what
a waste my life's been.
I mean, so, I was an actress, so what.
I never really did anything for anyone.
Well, you entertained people.
Oh, that was just for the moment.
I mean, really do something important.
Like being a nurse.
Although I was a nurse.
For one day I was Ben Casey's nurse.
And you know something, professor?
In that one hour, we saved six people.
And if it hadn't been for the commercials
we would have saved eight.
You're right, ginger,
that's what's important.
Saving people. I should
never have become a teacher.
Should have gone on
with my work in science.
You know, when I was in college
we were working on a vision
problem encountered
by Navy patrol fliers after they had spent
several hours scanning the ocean and..
- Wait, that's it!
- What?
What a fool I've been! Why, this is great.
Skipper, skipper. This is great.
Absolutely great!
What's great, professor? Take it easy.
Take it easy? We can't.
Gotta get busy. Don't you see?
We're not in danger. This is our rescue.
- Rescue?
- Why, sure.
Before the government
ever sends a missile
they send a search plane
to make sure the area's clear.
They send a searching party
for fishing and pleasure craft.
Or hunters or natives.
Oh, thurston, we're practically rescued.
My darling.
I told you we were gonna be rescued.
- I told you. I told you.
- You did. You did.
To make sure they see us, I'll
finish that mirror I was making.
Will use it to signal the plane.
That should ensure our rescue.
Let's get out, professor. That's
the kind of insurance I like.
Yes! Yes!
Hurry up, professor. That plane
will be over any minute.
That does it. It's finished.
Using gum wood paint
should make a good reflector.
C'mon, skipper, give me a hand.
Oh, boy, alright, sure.
[Groans]
Haven't seen myself in so long,
I forgot what I looked like.
(Gilligan) Lost a lot of weight.
Let me get a better grip on it.
(Gilligan) Oops! Instant fat.
Skipper, let's see
how it works in the sun.
Oh! I feel like I'm in Hollywood.
Come on, let's see what they're doing.
Sure does work.
It's not exactly ground glass,
but with that strong sun
I don't see how a plane could miss it.
All we gotta do is wait for that plane.
Get to the other side of the clearing.
The view's better. Keep your eyes open.
Aye aye, sir!
There's a plane. There's a plane.
Where? Where?
- There it is!
- There it is!
[All cheering]
There. Isn't that marvelous!
It's the rescue plane. Set up the mirror.
Set up the mirror.
- Set up the mirror. That's it.
- Set up the mirror.
Oh, boy, this is what
we've been waiting for.
Start flashing the signal.
Start flashing the signal.
[All screaming]
No, gilligan. No-o!
[Crash]
[Glass shatters]
Gilligan, gilligan, are you alright?
I'm alright.
You sure you're alright, little buddy?
The plane, professor! The plane!
Everybody, quick! Get a piece of glass.
'Signal the plane with it.'
- here you go.
- Yeah.
(Skipper) Here, Mary Ann. Signal. Signal.
Come back! I'm your biggest taxpayer.
(Thurston) 'I belong
to the million mile club.'
"(Man on radio) 'And the countdown has
already started on operation powderkeg"
'five, four, three'
'two, one, zero.'
[blast]
'It's a perfect shot.'
it would be.
It should be along any second now.
Professor, how can you be so calm?
You act like you're waiting for
an afternoon train or something.
I think I see it.
[Whizzing]
[All screaming]
[Crash]
- It didn't detonate.
- And it didn't explode either.
[All cheering]
Look! Look.
It's coming up the lagoon.
It's coming right this way!
(Professor) Don't make a
noise. Don't even breathe.
We're not. I don't think
my heart's beating.
Thurston, you're so brave,
you're not even shaking.
I can't. I think rigor mortis has set in.
A vibration could blow us up.
Our only chance is to disarm it.
How do we do that?
Someone will have to remove the
access panel and crawl inside.
There's only one of us small
and thin enough to fit in there.
Who?
[Bang]
[Beeping]
[Beeping continues]
Come on, gilligan, I've got the tools.
Maybe if we wait,
they'll send a repairman?
Oh, please, gilligan,
there may be a timing device.
Here, you hold these.
We'll take it very easy.
I'll remove the access panel
that'll have a chart with the color codes.
That way I'll be able to figure out
which wire you've to disconnect.
[Clang]
Professor, you gotta get in
there and give it one good hit.
Let me do this. Your job will come later.
Yes, sir.
Gilligan, you're gonna have
to find a green and yellow wire.
That wire will disarm the missile.
A green and yellow wire, yeah.
Alright, now, carefully.
(Professor) 'Every moment counts.'
that's it.
[Thud]