St. Elsewhere (1982) s01e18 Episode Script

1
I had a really good time. Me too, shirl.
- Previously on St. elsewhere.
- You wanna go up to bank park,
indulge in a little heavy petting for the last time?
I wasn't trying to stab you in the
back. We just happened to hit it off.
Whenever I used to work with women who had breast cancer,
I always used to say to them,
"I know how you feel."
I was wrong. I didn't. Okay, okay, okay.
Tonight on St. elsewhere.
We have a woman here who's at least eight months pregnant.
She's holding our surgical team at gunpoint.
Smile. When I break my hip, I'm coming to St. eligius.
I had a mastectomy. That doesn't mean handle with care.
Mrs. Loniker seems to be having
some cravings. She wants a taco.
You can't find me very desirable. That's not true.
- Ira, I know there's a problem.
- I don't want any more babies!
You are loony tunes and you
are also crazy in your "banero."
♪[Ira humming]
What is this? What's it look like? Breakfast in bed.
Oh, great. Yeah.
Eggs Benedict, toasted English muffin,
buttered before they went into the
broiler, fresh-squeezed orange juice.
And last but not least, marmalade.
I really outdid myself, didn't I? You sure did.
I can't eat all this. Your children are off to school.
So you and I can have a nice quiet breakfast together.
Careful, honey. Mm-hmm.
Have a muffin. I think I'll start with the juice.
I'll pour. I can do it.
Oh, ira, you're so sweet to me.
Is that the right time? I have to go to work.
Are you sure you're ready to go back to work? Yeah.
It's just the way Dr. Jamison said
it would be after the mastectomy,
just a little pain in the shoulder,
but apart from that I feel great.
Anyway, they're expecting me back today.
Have some eggs. Honey, I can't. I'll be late.
At least a muffin. With marmalade.
I'm sorry, darling. I can't.
I'm so sorry I put you to all that trouble.
Don't be silly. It's okay.
I just hate to be late my first day
back at work. It's such a bad example.
That's okay.
I have an appointment near the
hospital today. You wanna have lunch?
It's such a long time since I
put this on, I hope it still fits.
- What do you say, 1:00?
- Uh-huh.
[Sighs] I feel like I spoiled your surprise.
That's okay.
[Samuels] Of the 13 remaining patients with gallstones,
11 elected to undergo a cholecystectomy,
most within a year of diagnosis
With no serious post-op complications.
Let's talk for a minute fine. That's fine.
Thank you, Dr. Samuels.
Since this ran a little long, I think
we oughta wrap things up quickly.
I have an announcement. As you
all know, at this point of the year,
certain surgical residents have
demonstrated outstanding ability
And are now ready to perform their first solo operation.
So I've assigned the following residents: Dr. Brummer,
Dr. Wade and Dr. Ehrlich.
All right! Congratulations.
Dr. Brummer, you'll be doing a cholecystectomy on Thursday.
Dr. Wade, a hydrocelectomy on the fourth.
And, Dr. Ehrlich, you'll be doing
a right inguinal herniorrhaphy
At 10:30.
This morning, sir?
Is there a problem fitting that into your busy schedule?
No, I, uh no.
Fine. Okay, everybody, let's go.
A hydrocelectomy. I was kind
of hoping for an abdominal case.
Well, you can't have everything, toots.
I'll be assisting you, Jacqueline. That's great, Ben.
Are you assisting me too?
- Oh, no.
- Sorry about that. He made the choices.
Can't have everything, toots. Why
do I always get the short straw?
I'll see ya. You'll do good, huh? Yeah.
My first solo flight. I'm excited. Are you excited?
Yes, but I'm trying to maintain my professional decorum.
Mm-hmm.
Yee-haw! [Laughs]
The fact that Craig is gonna be leaning
over my shoulder during this operation,
I will not let it affect my performance.
You shouldn't. Ever since I moved to this coast,
that man has bullied, intimidated,
scared the scrubs off me, but not today.
This is the most important day of my career.
I'm not gonna let that little dictator ruin it.
Good for you. Jacqueline?
I'm lying through my teeth.
Fiscus. I've got a little present for you.
What's this? The keys to your new apartment.
Huh? I had yesterday off.
I found you this terrific little studio.
Had all your junk moved in this morning.
You're kidding. 1223 niagara street.
Are you serious? It's a recently renovated brownstone.
It's got everything: Parquet floors and a fireplace.
You're really serious. Delirious. So long, Charlie.
I've got a patient to see.
Ready to go? I just filled the gas tank.
Shirley, something's come up. You're on call?
No, I got a call. My mother.
My great-aunt sirca is in an old folks home out in Malden.
I've been meaning to visit her, but,
anyways, my mother said I should go see her.
And even though it's my first day
off in two weeks, I think I'd better.
Aunt sirca's pretty lonely.
Wayne, that's very generous of you.
Well, don't let it get around.
And I'm sorry about breaking our date.
Well, I'll go with you.
Shirley, you don't wanna do that. I
don't think it's gonna be much fun.
No, really, I'd like to meet one of your relatives.
It'll give me an idea why you turned out the way you did.
How long's it been since you've seen your aunt sirca?
Oh, at least 20 years.
I couldn't have been more than seven
years old when she moved out to Malden.
My uncle futzo got a job at the foundry. Futzo?
Futzo. I kinda remember her as being my favorite.
She was always bringing me
things, like toys, goldfish, rubbers.
Rubbers? It snowed a lot in Washington heights.
Oh.
[Clears throat]
Mr. McGrath. Uh-huh.
I'm Dr. Ehrlich. Victor ehrlich.
I'm gonna be performing surgery on you this morning.
I've familiarized myself with your hernia. I
want you to know everything is gonna be a-okay.
How does it look, Lucy? 98.8.
Let's have a look at that, just to be sure.
Okay. 98.8.
Fantastic. By the way, are there
any questions about the operation
I can answer for you before you sign this consent form?
Did Dr. Kochar explain to you that
you're gonna be under local anesthesia?
Yes. He said I'll be able to hear what's going on and talk.
That's 100% correct.
Um, that kind of concerned me. I
I don't want to embarrass myself.
[Chuckles] Let me assuage your fears, Mr. McGrath.
We won't let you reveal any family secrets.
Speaking of which, would you like me to brief your family?
- Oh, I'm single.
- So am I.
My work keeps me pretty busy.
That's my excuse too. I noticed on
your chart you're an accountant.
Now is the time of year I wish I was married
so I could get all those great deductions.
Yes, right now is when life gets pretty busy for me,
what with April 15 being one short month away.
Well, Mr. McGrath, let's see what we can do
To get you back to your calculator as soon as possible.
Somebody will be by before 10:00 to shave
you. You'll get your pre-medication then too.
Nice guy, huh? Mm-hmm.
Ehrlich, I know this is your first solo, but
Wait, wait, wait. I know what I
did. Too much bedside manner.
I thought you were gonna try
to sell him swampland, ehrlich.
[Woman on P.A.] Dr. Costello to intensive care.
Helen. hello, Hugh.
Welcome back. Thank you.
Place hasn't been the same without you.
What do you mean, no flashers, no hookers in the hallway?
Right. So you're doing okay? I feel fine and dandy.
Good.
[Woman on P.A.] Mrs. Phillips to admitting.
Who rearranged the supply room? Why? What's the matter?
Nothing. I reached for a chux and
they weren't in their normal place.
Took me a minute to find them. That's my fault.
I was cleaning out Don't worry about it, Juan.
All right.
What are you staring at? I'm sorry.
Lynn, I had a mastectomy. That
doesn't mean handle with care.
Okay? I'm sorry.
And stop being sorry. If I
If it what she's trying to say
is, if there's anything we can do
I know, but there isn't. So let's
just get on with the work, okay?
Okay. Good for her.
[McGrath] What are you, anyway? Indian.
Oh. Which reservation?
He's ready.
Ehrlich, how do you feel? Great.
There's something I gotta ask you
before we get started. What's that?
This is my operation, isn't it? Absolutely.
I mean, no offense intended,
but pending any major problems,
you're gonna let me run it on my own.
I'm just here to assist. I won't say word
one, unless it's absolutely necessary.
No, sir, I'd prefer you didn't
say word one unless I ask you to.
Whatever you say, ehrlich. I get to pick the tunes, right?
Right. Everybody ready?
Rhonda, a little traveling music, please.
♪[Rock and roll]
Local anesthesia one percent Lidocaine without epi.
♪[Continues]
Lady, you're not supposed to be
in here. This is the O.R. corridor.
Lady, you can't go down there.
I was walking down the street.
Oh, yeah, sure. I remember, honey.
Boston isn't any bigger than the memory of ned McGrath.
Get me two gelpi retractors. One to Dr. Craig.
If it was me, I'd use a wheatlander.
Dr. Craig, this is my operation,
remember? We'll use the gelpis.
[McGrath moans] Mmm, honey, you were
At most 19, and I took you for coffee.
And I got your number. I hate local anesthesia.
When we were making love, instead of screaming your name,
I screamed 555-4073.
I'll be honest. Any girl I ever slept with,
I remember her phone number, not her name.
Is that true? Mm-hmm.
What's she doing in here? I'll handle this.
Give me the mets. Get out of the operating room.
Stay there. Don't come near me. Get the hell out of here!
Test me. 555-8988. I'm warnin' you!
Open your eyes, lady. There's a surgery stay there!
Uh-oh. 555-6601.
She had a great 1040 form.
I don't believe this is happening to me. What do you want?
Justice.
Maybe we should stop, Dr. Craig.
Keep going, ehrlich.
We've got an open wound and a procedure in progress.
All right. 555-8606 is a nine and a half.
Now, lady. The closest thing I ever had to a 10.
Why don't we just step outside.
I've freed the cord structures.
I want Dr. Finan. He's not here right
now. I'm Dr. Craig, chief of surgery.
I'm not talkin' to you. I want Dr. Finan.
Place the pen rose drain around them. You don't understand.
I want finan! Put the gun down.
We can go in the hallway and talk
the whole thing over. Stay there!
Dr. Craig, I don't think this is helping.
You've got a man on the table! Get to work!
You're making a big mistake, lady.
Mistake? Nah. Everybody scores a refund
With ned McGrath, c.P.A.
Adding valium 10 milligrams. Oooh.
If I live to be as old as the people
around here, poison my stewed prunes.
You'll never live to be that old.
[Woman on TV] First 100 people who call in,
we're going to give you this bottle opener.
Sirca jintere? [People on TV chattering]
Oh, thanks.
Sirca jintere?
Aunt sirca?
It's me, Wayne.
Wayne. Wayne fiscus. Your nephew.
Wayne!
Oh, of course! Of course!
[Chuckles] Oh, my!
You feel just like when you were little.
Why, you haven't changed an inch.
[Chuckles] And who's this?
Oh, this is my friend, Shirley Daniels.
Hello, Mrs. Jintere. Hello.
Oh, so beautiful.
Well, sit, sit. Oh.
Well [chuckles]
Oh, but I have nothing to offer
you. Not even a piece of chocolate.
Don't worry about it. I'm sorry I haven't come sooner.
At my age, what's a little more waiting?
But you're busy, right?
Yeah. What do you do?
I'm a doctor. A doctor!
Oh, yes.
Yes. And are you a doctor too? I'm a nurse.
A doctor and a nurse.
Oh, that's clever, like salt and pepper.
[Chuckles]
So, we thought we'd get you out of here, take you to lunch.
Oh, good. Wonderful.
Tell me. How are your parents? They're the same.
Yes? And your brother dick?
Um I don't have a brother dick.
You don't? Oh, my mind.
You're probably thinking of my cousin Rick.
You're right. Yes, Rick.
Hello, there.
Oh, get away, ennis. Go away.
He's my boyfriend. [Chuckles]
Aunt sirca, you little vamp, you.
Oh, well. He's too old for me.
[Laughing]
So, when are you two getting married?
I want this hallway emptied out right now.
You heard the man. Everybody, out the door. Everybody.
Did anybody call the police? I did.
Good.
♪[Rock and roll continues]
Are you sure you don't wanna
step outside and talk this over?
[Intercom buzzes] I'm just gonna get the intercom, okay?
[McGrath] I sure wish Ted Williams would move back north.
Yeah, hello?
Mark? Donald. What's happening in there?
Well, Donald, it seems we're
dealing with an unsatisfied customer.
- What's her complaint?
- We haven't been able to pinpoint that yet.
She just keeps repeating she wants to see Tim finan.
Put her on. He wants to talk to you.
[McGrath] 555-9424. That was Ted Williams's phone number
Back in 1968. Yeah?
I'm Dr. Westphall, director of medicine. What's your name?
Mrs. Barbara loniker. Mrs. Loniker,
whatever your problem is, it could be
best served if you came out in the hall.
Not till I see finan. I just want to talk.
I'm through with talkin'.
I'm going in. I don't think you should.
Mrs. Loniker.
Don't look at me like I'm crazy, because
I've got a legitimate grievance here.
I'm gonna open the hernia sac
and identify the bowel contents.
Just tell us what the problem is.
I want you to get the doctor who
did this and bring him here. Did what?
This! Dr. Finan got you pregnant?
No! My husband got me pregnant!
Ten years. I never so much as looked at another guy.
I wouldn't have had time, even if I'd wanted to!
What did Dr. Finan do? What did he do?
It's what he didn't do.
A year ago, he was supposed to give my husband a vasectomy.
Obviously he didn't know what he was doin'.
Mrs. Loniker, please, put the gun down.
I want you to go and get that bastard
and bring him back here with you.
I know we can straighten this out,
if you'll just follow me to my office.
I'm goin' nowhere.
I want you to get that bastard and bring
him here right now and nobody'll get hurt.
It's not going to help at all.
Discussions are closed, mister.
You bring him to me. You hear me?
♪[Continues]
- I hate rock and roll!
- Wipeout.
It's all right.
Have medical records pull
everything we have on Barbara loniker.
And find Dr. Finan.
You need a hand? No.
Your husband's here. Oh.
Hi.
Grab your coat. Get your hat.
We're going to the no name at 1:00.
I love that place. I can't go all the way
down to the pier in the middle of the day.
Okay. We'll go to that Italian place we went to last time.
I don't know what I was thinking this
morning when we made these arrangements.
- I've got so much to do.
- I'd be happy to do some of that for you.
Thanks, but I'm afraid this is the
kind of thing I have to do myself.
Go, spend some time with your husband, Helen.
We're an old married couple.
One broken lunch date isn't going to kill us, is it? Nope.
I'll see you at home for dinner
tonight. Okay. See you later.
Okay, bye.
[Nurse] Mrs. Loniker was never a patient here.
- What about the file on her husband?
- We haven't found it yet.
But I got their number from the phone
book. Somebody's trying to reach him?
- What about Dr. Finan?
- On vacation in Mexico. Can't be reached until mañana.
Great.
Dr. Westphall? Sergeant watchicovich.
What's the problem? Well, sergeant,
we have a woman here who's at least eight months pregnant.
She's holding our surgical team at gunpoint.
Are there any other ways out of here?
Only through the scrub room.
And what does she want? She
says she's gonna kill the doctor
Neil. [Intercom buzzes]
Excuse me. Yes?
Donald, Mrs. Loniker seems to be having some cravings.
She wants food. A taco.
[Neil] I'll take care of it. Anything else?
No. How's everybody doing?
Fine, fine.
[Watchicovich] I think we can take her very easily.
We're gonna do this my way. We're
trying to get hold of her husband.
I'm sorry, but you're not in charge
here anymore. I just want you to wait.
I can't do that. Legally, you can't move a patient
If I consider that move life threatening.
She's my patient and if you move
her by force, that is life threatening.
She's not a patient.
She is now. Admit her. Stat.
Okay, understand this.
If anything goes wrong, anybody
gets hurt, you're responsible.
Dr. Westphall, this is Mr. Loniker.
He's the woman's husband.
They said they said my wife has a gun and hostages?
That's right. My god.
She's demanding to see Dr. Finan and we can't find him.
I had a feelin' somethin' might happen, but
I never thought she'd do anything like this.
Mr. Loniker, do you think you can talk her into coming out?
I don't think she'll listen to me. We've been fightin'.
There are innocent people in there, Mr. Loniker,
including a patient in the middle of an operation.
I still don't think she'll listen.
Let me put it to you this way.
If you can't get her out, the police are gonna go in.
Did she hurt anybody? Not yet.
Okay. Good. Come on.
Mrs. Loniker? Your husband is
here. He wants to talk to you.
I don't want my husband. I want finan.
We're still trying to find him. In the meantime
What's your name? Bob loniker.
Bob's coming in. I don't wanna see him!
For Pete's sake, Barbara, I'm comin' in!
What the hell are you doin', Barbara?
You know damn well what I'm doin'.
Suture 3-0 nylon. We'll send this
hernia right back into the abdomen.
This isn't gonna help. You got cops
out here ready to blow your brains out.
I don't want any more babies!
It's a little late to be worryin' about that.
It's that bum doctor's fault.
He's responsible. He's gotta pay.
What are you gonna do when he comes? Blow his brains out?
That's exactly what I'm gonna do.
What if he don't come? You gonna shoot
somebody else? You gonna shoot him?
Maybe I will. He's a doctor, isn't he?
Would you please not make her any more excited?
Stay out of it. Keep working.
Barbara, knock it off, will ya? Ted loved fishing
And hitting a baseball.
I lived for women and slugging bigger guys.
Nobody asked you to come in here. I didn't wanna see you.
Okay, okay. The cops don't shoot
you dead, they're gonna lock you up.
Fine!
[Fiscus] Wouldn't you rather take a
nice, quiet boat ride on the Charles?
Nah. Too boring. Well, then what about
Wayne, we've been through it.
She wants to see where you work.
Really, it's very nice.
It reminds me of the Roosevelt hospital on the West Side.
Only that was nicer. Most hospitals are.
Yeah. I took Wayne there once
When he fell out of a tree and broke his leg.
I broke my leg? Mm-hmm.
You were just a baby. You wouldn't remember.
You just kept going higher and
higher and higher, and then splat.
I broke my leg? Which one?
The good one. Oh, he was in a cast for weeks.
Fiscus. What are you guys doing in here?
Peter white, m.D., I'd like you to meet my aunt sirca.
How you doing? Oh, you're adorable.
Just like my woolly English sheepdog.
Thank you very much.
Now, uh, smile.
Tell me.
Is an incredible hunk like you married?
Wrong question, aunt sirca. Oh.
My wife and I are separated. Not divorced?
No. Oh, well, there's hope then.
I left my husband once.
He was cheating on me with Agnes nazinski.
But I came back. Well, what else could I do?
Now don't you worry, hunk.
Everything will be all right.
And if it isn't, well, in a hundred years,
you'll just be worm meat.
Uh, good-bye, Peter. Aunt sirca, let me show you the ward.
I'm gonna take a look into your eyes now.
You see everything like accidents
Well, look. What is this?
Oh, uh, Phillip Chandler, this is my aunt sirca.
Hello. Hello there. What's going on here?
Her uncle picked her up and
accidentally dropped her on her head.
Oh. Oh, well, may I?
Sure. Do hold this.
Hello, my beautiful one.
I know it hurts, darling.
But I'm going to sing you a
little lullaby that I used to sing
To my nephew Wayne here when he was hurting.
In olden days, a glimpse of stockin'
was looked on as something shockin' ♪
now, heaven knows anything goes ♪
good writers too who once used better words ♪
now only use four-letter words ♪
writing prose oh, anything goes ♪♪
There now. You feel better?
I got eight kids already. We'll
have one more. What's the big deal?
All my life, all I ever been is pregnant. Okay, then.
Soon as this one's born, we'll get you fixed. No!
You promised you were gonna
get yourself fixed. It didn't take!
I can't control nature. It's not my fault!
How do they let a doctor go doin' an operation
when he doesn't know what he's doin'?
Nature works in funny ways, Barbara.
I can't live with nature bein' funny.
And I'm not gonna let finan go
around screwin' up other people!
Listen to me. When you were wearing your
diaphragm, you still got pregnant with Jay.
You didn't go after the guy who
made the diaphragm. That's different!
How is it different? You got an
operation. That's supposed to work.
When you get an operation, the
doctor takes your appendix out,
it's supposed to be out so it doesn't attack you again.
We've been around the corner on this thing for six months.
You're startin' to tick me off.
I had to punch out at work to
come here and straighten you out.
I'm fed up! So, take a walk.
I'm goin'. I'm gettin' outta here.
You're spoiled, Barbara. You're spoiled rotten.
And you are loony tunes and
you are also crazy in your "banero"!
Running 3-0 dexon for the fascia.
Dr. Craig? Huh?
Running 3-0 dexon for the fascia.
Forget it! I've had it with her! All right, Yusef.
Just a second. You can't leave her in there.
She's gone over the deep end! We're taking over.
Just a second! Now, come on.
Let's talk. Come on.
The board's already grumbling about the proposed budget.
I don't see how we're going to
convince them to give us additional funds.
We need more nurses, Daniel.
We are averaging one nurse for every 12 beds.
And the night shift is worse.
Is there a copy of those statistics? Right here.
We've gotta do something about
it before we're reaccredited.
Thanks. I'll look 'em over tonight.
How does it feel to be back at full throttle? Wonderful.
The last few weeks, I was really chomping at the bit.
No matter how anxious you are, you must
take time to adjust. Ease back into it.
Can't afford to. Too much was left undone while I was gone.
I'm serious. Don't push yourself. I'm cured, Daniel.
They got all the cancer. That's why I did this.
That's why I chose to have a mastectomy over a lumpectomy.
I couldn't see myself running down for
radiation therapy every day for five weeks
Or taking out more time for more surgery.
It's over and done with. I hope that's true.
I know it's true.
Have you been back to the breast clinic for any follow-ups?
No. They wanted me to go for some counseling sessions.
I went to one, but it didn't seem to help.
I seem to be handling this well myself.
I should say you are.
When I first got sick,
I didn't like the idea of people
around here knowing about it.
I felt they would try to treat me differently
Kindly.
Daniel, can I ask you something? Yeah.
Would it help if I went before
the board to ask for more nurses?
I don't know. It might.
I'd be happy to, if you think it
would help. I'll see you later.
That's really good scotch, Dr. Westphall. Thanks.
Bob, can you think of anyone anyone at all who
might be able to talk some sense to your wife?
I mean, family, her mother?
You kidding?
Well, what about a priest, a friend, anyone?
Once she gets like this, forget it. You
Sure.
Well, it's not just your wife I'm
concerned about. It's that baby.
Oh, yeah. The baby.
How long you been married?
Twelve years.
And you have eight kids?
Eight kids, two miscarriages. That's 10. This one makes 11.
When did Dr. Finan do the vasectomy?
Huh?
When did you have the vasectomy?
Oh, the vasectomy, it did
To tell you the truth, I never had it.
What?
I couldn't go through with it.
And you told your wife you did.
Sure. She was so insistent, but when
push came to shove, I just couldn't do it.
Bob, she's in that operating room
scaring the hell out of people
Because she thinks a doctor fouled up your vasectomy.
I know. I know that. I feel terrible about it.
- You're gonna have to tell her the truth.
- I can't! She'll kill me.
Bob, you're gonna have to tell her.
[Sighs]
Smile. [Chuckles]
Oh. Everybody's so nice here.
When I break my hip, I'm coming to St. eligius.
[Pager beeping] What's that noise?
My beeper. It means he's got a call.
- Oh. Let me see it.
- I'll be right back.
Wayne told us you and your
husband escaped from Lithuania
When the communists overran the country.
About how you had to hide in the trunk of a car.
My dear ones, what good's the past, huh?
Why, I can't even remember my
husband's face. But who cares?
I was happy then and I'm happy now.
Oh, here comes my handsome boy.
You know, I never did get a
snapshot of the two of you together.
In a minute. Shirley, can I see you over by the condiments?
Sure.
There's so much for you to learn, Dr. Cavanero.
I don't see how you can hold it
all in that pretty head of yours.
What's the matter? I just got off the phone with my mother.
So? She just got off the phone with aunt sirca.
When did aunt sirca make a call?
Aunt sirca's wondering why I never showed up.
Wait. I'm not following this. That makes two of us.
So? So, that woman is not my aunt.
What are you talking about? She is not my aunt.
You're kidding. Then who is she?
That's a good question.
No, Jimmy. No, I cannot give
you a break. [Door opens, closes]
Because a break to you isn't 10 or 15 minutes.
No. Now listen to me, Jimmy.
Unless you are back in this house
by 8:00, there'll be hell to pay, got it?
Right. Have a good time.
Bye-bye. Well.
Hi. He's dining out with friends tonight.
What are you doing home so early?
I was investigating some claims in medford,
and I didn't wanna fight the traffic back into the city.
So, I stopped off on the way home and bought you a present.
Open it.
[Gasps] Oh, it's beautiful.
They had a gorgeous one in beige no, this is lovely.
Well, put it on.
I will.
No, put it on now. Later.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you.
You didn't. It's just a reflex.
Don't I get a thank-you kiss?
That wasn't so bad now, was it? What do you mean?
Ira, it's the middle of the afternoon.
What's that got to do with it? Ira, don't.
What's the matter? The kids might come home.
It's not the kids, it's not the hour.
It's the mastectomy, and I don't
care about your operation. Don't you?
No!
You want to see it? Do you?
Yes.
No, you don't.
[Fiscus] How could you?
I mean, impersonating an aunt.
There's gotta be some law against that.
Don't work yourself into a sweat.
You'll catch a germ and keel over.
Look, you're a nice old lady, but you are driving me crazy.
Wayne, there had to be a good reason why she did it.
Are you all alone in the world? No family?
I wish. I got tons of family from here to vilna.
Then why?
Well, when you came into the room together,
you looked adorable.
So, what's the wedding date? That's it. Up
and out. We're taking you back to Malden.
Don't bother. I'll take a bus.
I'm angry, but not enough to let a
73-year-old impostor schlep home to the home.
We're gonna give you a ride. Forget it.
Besides, I didn't like the way you drove coming over here.
This is amazing. I can tell when I'm not wanted.
But I don't regret my little charade at all.
I had fun. And I got some great pictures.
Now one more, the two of you.
This is absolutely amazing. We'd love to.
Smile.
Say onomatopoeia. Onomatopoeia.
I'll say hello to your aunt sirca for you.
But to tell the truth, she never liked you.
I'm glad my uncle futzo isn't
alive. This would've killed him.
Wayne, relax. I know, but it's just not fair.
I finally get a solid day off,
we plan to spend it together,
and we end up here at St. eligius
taking care of some first-rate crackpot.
And we're not even being paid for it.
We still have five hours left. Let's get out of here.
I screwed up our day. It's up to
you to screw up our evening. Oh.
We could go to my new place, but I don't
think you'd enjoy sitting on an orange crate.
What do you say we head over to my
house, lie back and catch the 4:30 movie?
But you don't own a TV. Mm-hmm.
What do you want?
Dr. Finan is in Mexico, sweetheart.
They can't reach him for a week.
So?
You gonna stay here all week? A year, if I have to.
Bob.
Listen, sweetheart.
It's not finan's fault. Oh, that's a good one.
I never got the damn vasectomy.
[Ehrlich] Oh, boy. What?
- I never got it!
- You're gonna get it.
Don't, Barbara. You're gonna get it!
Please, Barbara, don't. You sniveling coward.
You pathetic lowlife!
- Mark, come on.
- No, no, no! Do you know what he's put her through?
He claims afoul on Dr. Finan, and then
he puts this whole operation in jeopardy!
You've got a hell of a nerve, buddy boy!
You're gonna get it! You're gonna get it!
If a vasectomy is what you want, Mrs. Loniker,
a vasectomy is what he's gonna get!
You got any problems with that, loniker?
You better do it right.
Lady, that's the only way I do it!
Rhonda, prep O.R. 2, stat.
Dr. Craig, what about the dressing? Finish it, ehrlich!
You're gonna get it! You're gonna get it!
I met Samantha eggar once,
near sixth Avenue and 16th street on a number three bus.
So, you said you're a nurse?
Uh-huh.
Want some? No, thanks.
You waiting for someone?
Nights like this drive me crazy.
Believe it or not, I like it better
when the bar is three deep
And the waitresses yell in for drinks from the tables.
I know what you mean. It's the same at the hospital.
Oh, yeah? Which one?
St. eligius. Oh.
Thank you very much. I'm sorry.
It's just that I have heard things
can get pretty rough around there.
Yeah, it can.
It's funny. What?
You don't strike me as the kind of
person who would wanna deal with all that.
You seem, kind of I don't know kind of sad.
Oh. Thank you very much.
I'm sorry. There I go sticking
the old foot in the mouth again.
I mean, look at you.
You're really doing something with
your life. You're helping people get well.
And then there's me.
College graduate, Emerson, '82, and
what have I done for the past 10 months?
I spent the winter skiing in Stratton, Vermont.
Then I came back to Boston and
got a job here at bullfeathers.
What is it you want to do?
I don't know. That's the problem.
What's your name?
I'm Scott. Hi, Scott. I'm Helen.
Hi, Helen. How 'bout another?
No, no.
Come on. It's on the house.
No. I should be getting home.
Hey, why don't you stick around.
I get off in 15 minutes. Maybe we
could grab a bite to eat or something.
Okay.
[Tires skidding, car crashing on TV]
What's that? Good evening, sleeping beauty.
Was I out long? I just got here.
[Sighs]
Sleeping only made things worse.
I feel more tired now than before.
So, how'd the first surgery go? Pretty routine, huh?
Didn't you hear?
No. Don't tell me. You froze.
Froze? I had a psychotic pregnant woman
with a gun standing over me the whole time.
Right, ehrlich, sure.
I'm serious! Go back to dreamland.
Yeah, maybe I did dream it all.
- Maybe you should go home.
- [Sighs] Yeah.
[Sighs]
How 'bout dinner tonight? I wish I could.
You wanna drive out to bedford for this weekend?
Sorry. I never liked bedford.
Never went for the town.
Um is there something you want?
Not particularly. Right.
Um, then right. Night, all. Yeah.
Hi, Mark. How was your afternoon?
Mmm.
I finally got Mr. Loniker's brakes realigned.
How'd he take it? Like your average pathetic sniveler.
I'm glad to hear we're pressing charges on Mrs. Loniker.
That woman's a madman. I just wish we
could find some charge to hang on him.
Do you think she was really
aiming at the stereo? I think so.
With that stupid music ehrlich had on, who could blame her?
He did a good job today, ehrlich.
Yeah. He seemed to handle himself very well.
He really measured up to the situation.
I'm tough on him, day in, day out.
And god knows everything about him grates like sandpaper
The hair, the clothes, the lingo
But he really came through today.
I think I'll keep on cracking the whip.
[Moans]
[Grunts] This thing's not working! Again?
I don't know what your feelings are on euthanasia,
but I think it's about time we
pulled the plug on this sucker.
Hello, ira. Hi.
You got a moment, Helen? Yeah.
Mr. Parks needs to be turned in five minutes. All right.
So, you're safe.
I'm fine.
I told the kids there was an
emergency down here last night.
I went to a movie and had a couple of drinks in a bar.
Then I had a couple more in someone's apartment
I really don't wanna hear about it. It's
all right. I just don't wanna hear about it.
I slept here in the on-call room.
[Sighs]
I don't know.
I just I'm not very sure of myself.
I know you can't find me very desirable.
That's not true ira, please
don't say anything right now.
Nothing you can say can help. I know there's a problem.
Good. That's half the battle.
It's gonna take time.
I'm gonna need a lot of leeway from you, ira.
And more Patience and more understanding.
Whatever you want.
[Opens folder]
I'll see you around 8:00. Okay.
Lucy, I'll take care of Mr. Parks.
[Mews]