Hannah Montana s01e19 Episode Script

Okay, I want everybody to close your eyes and find your happy place.
Now imagine all the good things in your life.
Great shoes, perfect hair - Very berry lip shine.
- Very berry lip shine.
Wow, even though I can't see it, it's still annoying.
I know, now it's in my happy place.
Okay, open your eyes.
Now that you had time to think about what you have, it's time to think about those who aren't as lucky.
Yes, it's time again for our school to raise money for the United People's Relief Fund.
And you, my little relievers, are going to help the less fortunate.
Like Ms.
Dawson, the librarian? Ms.
Dawson is not less fortunate.
She chooses to dress that way.
It's too bad, she could be all that and a bowl of pudding.
I'm sorry I'm late, Mr.
Corelli.
I was on my way to school when I had to wrestle a cat away from a baby bird and then I felt sorry for the cat so I had to go to the pet store to get him some food and then I saw this lost dog with a sore paw Whoa, Sarah.
Why is it every time I talk to you I get the urge to give blood And call my mom? Which, if you knew my mom, it's sort of the same thing.
I'm sorry, where were we? You were crushing on Ms.
Dawson.
No, I wasn't.
I was thinking about pudding.
Moving on.
United People's Relief Fund.
Like last year, the person or team that raises the most cha-ching gets a day off school, picture in the newspaper.
Yeah! And a $300 gift card to the Malibu Mall.
Finally, lunch time! We have to win.
I need a new deck for my skateboard.
I just want to win so Amber and Ashley don't.
Otherwise it's gonna be another year of listening to them gloat.
Hey, guys, look, we know we gloated last year and we feel really bad about that.
So we just wanted to say good luck.
May the best fundraiser win.
Okay, something doesn't smell right here.
Sorry.
I knew I shouldn't have had that breakfast burrito.
I'm talking about Amber and Ashley.
They're up to something.
- And we just have to watch our backs.
- You got it.
Come on! You get the limo out front Hottest styles, every shoe, every color Yeah, when you're famous it can be kind of fun It's really you but no one ever discovers Who would have thought that a girl like me Would double as a superstar? You get the best of both worlds Chill it out, take it slow Then you rock out the show You get the best of both worlds Mix it all together And you know that it's the best of both worlds Okay, this has been going on for 2 hours.
What gives, people? - Hi, Miley.
- Hi, Lilly.
Okay, this has Amber and Ashley written all over it.
Actually, it has "dork" and "dorkier" written all over it.
That's it! They are gonna pay for this! Wait, wait, was I "dork" or "dorkier"? It's important to me.
What's important is not letting Amber and Ashley win the charity drive again.
I'm sick of seeing their snobby faces everywhere I turn.
Check it out, losers.
This is as close as you'll ever get to one of these.
We'll see about that.
We'll knock every door until our knuckles bleed.
We'll beg, and we'll plead, and we won't take no for an answer.
No! No! Sic him, Butchie.
No! Okay, I think it's time we kick it up a notch! One, two, three, let's bring the cha-ching! Hi, we're juggling for charity! Howdy, y'all.
We're plucking for charity.
and a partridge in a pear tree Merry Christmas and don't forget the less fortunate! Christmas? Last time I dozed off it was September.
The grandkids'll be here any minute.
I've gotta get the elves out of the attic.
Good game, Son.
- I almost didn't score a point.
- Don't feel bad, Dad.
One of these days, maybe you'll finally win one.
If he wanted to he could win them all, fool.
He's just playing you.
- Why would he do that? - He feels sorry for you.
I mean, look at you, for a basketball player, you're a short little fella.
Dad, that's not true, right? I mean, you're not letting me win? Of course not, Son.
I think you're really, really good.
What is all that? I'm just cooling myself down after a brutal beating.
It is a tad bit humid out here.
Yeah, yeah, nice try.
But I know what that means, all right? Now I want you to stand in front of the basket and try this time.
- Oh, Son, I'm a little tired.
- Dad, please.
I have to know.
Okay, but just remember, you asked for it.
All right.
Here we go.
All right, let's see what you got down low, Oldylocks! Oh, man, he was right! You let me win.
Wait a minute.
Do you always let me win? I'm sorry, Son.
It's just that I love seeing how happy you get when you win.
Plus, when you lose, you do make that little pouty face.
- I do not.
- There it is.
Well, this ends right now! I'm gonna beat you at something, Dad! And I am gonna beat you so bad.
Son, you got your health.
You got a nice car.
Why go looking for unhappiness? - Okay, that does it.
Name your game.
- All right.
One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war.
It's okay, Son, it's not your fault.
You got your mom's thumbs.
I have girl thumbs? Sarah, show me the money! Wow, dudette, how'd you raise so much? Well, I learned good charity skills from my parents.
They met at a Red Cross blood drive, and then honeymooned in the Peace Corps - building aqueducts for - Great story.
Next! Ah, yes.
The three amigos.
Show me the money! - Seriously.
Show me the money.
- That's all we could raise.
- Aren't you going to hit the gong? - Oh, I got a special one for you.
"Aren't you going to hit the gong?" It's better than no gong at all.
Okay, maybe we're not winning, but thanks to Sarah, neither are Amber and Ashley.
Last year's champions are at it again! Looks like somebody's going for the two-peat.
How'd you guys earn so much money? Simple.
We just went to the B of D.
- What's that? - The Bank of Dad.
That is so unfair.
We worked so much harder than you.
Yeah! We walked ten miles, faked six different accents and sang The Twelve Days of Christmas 58 stinking times.
Wow, you're right.
You did work harder.
We're just smarter And richer.
I don't care what it takes.
This time, I refuse to let them get the better of us.
Miley? - Not now, Oliver.
Okay.
- This is a good idea, Coop.
- I told you, man.
With Ping-Pong you don't have to be tall, strong or good-looking.
Exactly! Wait a minute, I'm good-looking.
Sure you are.
Now, grab a paddle and let's get our Ping-Pong on.
All right, bring it on, baby! Sorry, Mr.
Fluffers! Yeah! Great, now I have to teach you how to dance.
Okay, here he comes! Wow, a three-part sigh.
Usually when I hear a sigh like that, my wallet hurts.
Daddy, I know you already gave a big donation, but Amber and Ashley's parents Now, you know what I always say, honey.
You can buy a thirsty man a cow, and he'll have all the milk he wants but he still won't have enough to wash down his cookies.
- What? - Huh? He said he's happy to give to charity but this is a chance for us to learn to be creative and raise the money ourselves.
And then something about cookies.
Maybe Hannah can ask a few people.
Maybe Hannah can ask a lot of people.
Who said, who said I can't be Superman I say, I say that I know I can Who said, who said I won't be President I say, I say you ain't seen nothing yet Whoa, yeah Who said? Come on, yeah That's right Thank you! Thank you all.
Now, before I start my next song, I would just like to give a shout out to a great charity called United People's Relief.
So, show your love and make a donation.
Guys, please! Paper money only, people! I bruise like a cantaloupe! I can't believe how much Hannah pulled in.
I know! And it was easier than finding a mullet at a truckers' convention.
- Huh? - What? Y'all wouldn't last I just can't wait to see the look on Amber and Ashley's faces when they find out we won.
I can't believe we lost.
Hello, sir or madam, would you like to donate - Oh, hi, Miley.
You live here? - Yeah, come on in, Sarah.
- So how's the collecting going? - Pretty good.
I woke up at 4:00 this morning so I could raise money at the fish market, and then I caught the end of the graveyard shift at the meat plant, then sunrise aerobics at the Yoga Mat - You get up this early every morning? - No, on Saturdays I sleep in till 5:30.
Then I go to an old folks' home and serve breakfast.
Why am I not surprised? I just really want that gift card.
So I can buy a bunch of clothes and then donate them to needy children.
Needy children? You'd donate the whole gift card? You wouldn't even buy yourself a pair of socks? I already have two pairs of socks.
A pair and a spare.
Who needs more than that? Normal people? Whoa! How did you guys raise so much money? You must have worked really, really hard.
Well What we did was - We did this thing.
- Thing! Yeah, and Excuse me! - Excuse us.
- Yeah.
Guys, we've got to give the Hannah money to Sarah.
- What? - No.
Yeah, she's worked harder than any of us.
And she's the only one doing it for the right reasons.
Reasons, schmeasons, I want my new skateboard! Lilly, you know she deserves to win.
And when she does win we still get to see Amber and Ashley crushed like the little bugs they are! Okay.
Let's go give Miss Goody Two-socks the money.
Hey, Sarah, we decided that you should try the Brustroms down the street.
They're loaded.
I mean, in case they're not home, we'd like to make a donation to your fund-raising.
No, I can't take your money.
You guys worked really hard.
- Not as hard as you.
- Trust us.
No.
I couldn't sleep at night if I took credit for someone else's work.
And that would be really bad considering how early I get up.
It never ends.
Besides, I still have a chance to win.
There's a carnival at the beach tonight.
And if I stand under the Loop de Loop, I might be able to catch some spare change.
While I dodge the vomit.
Okay, bye.
We've got to find a way to make her take the money.
Yeah.
And maybe an umbrella.
I bet she'd take a donation from a generous celebrity.
- I bet she would.
- Yeah, right.
Where are we gonna find one of those? You'd think he'd learn by now.
- Not today.
- Take that.
- Come on, big boy! - Slam! I did it.
I won.
I beat my daddy! I beat my daddy! Well, I'll be darned.
You beat me.
You actually beat the old man.
Oh, come on, Dad.
I didn't beat you.
I destroyed you, I crushed you.
I buried you under an avalanche of Jackson.
- Nobody likes a sore winner, Son.
- Who's pouting now? Nobody's pouting.
Whatever you say, Mr.
Pouty McPoutpants.
Okay, I'm just gonna go get my towel.
Pouty McPoutpants.
See that.
I beat you again.
Okay, Jackson, it's not like we was having a race to see who could get to the towels first.
Even if we were, you'd lose.
You know, everything doesn't have to be a competition, Son.
- Okay, now you're just being silly.
- Am I? - Best two out of three? - Oh, you are so on.
Oh, yeah! Thank you so much for donating to United People's Relief.
Okay.
There she is.
All right, let's just donate the money and get out of here before anyone spots Hannah.
- Hey.
- Hi, would you like to donate to You And you're here And Shh! - I'm guessing she's a fan.
- You think? Sarah, come on, wake up, Sarah.
Look, there's a kitten up a tree.
What? Kitten? Where? I could have sworn I saw Hannah Montana! Shh! Look, it's Hannah Montana! Oh, boy.
They're right behind us.
Now what? Quick, up here.
Yippie ki-yay.
Where'd she go? Where's Hannah Montana? Look! There she goes.
- I meant that way! - I meant that way! You better split up! - Something ain't right.
- You look good in purple.
Thank you.
Okay.
I know we're close, but this is just ridiculous.
Oh, wow! You, you.
Want us to donate to United People's Relief.
I thought you'd never ask.
Lola, give her the money.
Lola, release! Don't you dare faint again.
You're welcome.
Goodbye.
- So, that went well.
- Yep.
By the way, thanks for pinching me back there in the ball pit.
I didn't pinch you, you pinched me.
This is going to be so great.
Yeah, after all our work, Sarah better be happy.
She better buy herself a new pair of socks.
And now, the moment you've all been waiting for, the winner of this year's fund raiser is Mr.
Corelli.
- Oh, sorry.
Amber and Ashley! Yeah What? How could they have raised more money than I mean us I mean Sarah? Once we found out that someone had raised more money than we did, we just asked our parents to write another check.
Now, if you'll excuse us, we've got to do an interview for the newspaper.
I don't understand.
How did they find out how much money was raised? Oliver? Okay, maybe I bragged a little about how Sarah was going to beat them.
Button it.
I just feel bad for Sarah.
She's gonna be crushed.
- Yay, good for you! - Yeah, she's taking it real hard.
Sarah, why are you so happy? I thought you wanted to win.
It isn't about winning.
It's about raising money for charity.
That's all that really matters.
You know what, guys, she's right.
A little annoying, but right.
It's just a shame Amber and Ashley won.
They're never gonna do all the good stuff Sarah would've done.
Who knows, they might surprise you.
If I could just have a quote, how do you feel right now? Well, we're just so happy for the Universal Relief.
You mean United People's Relief.
Whatever you call it, people are going to be relieved.
Oh! And they didn't even tell you the best part.
They're going to take all the money from the gift card to buy clothes for the needy children.
- Needy who? - Needy who? Ooh! Not now! Wow.
You two are amazing.
This is gonna be a great story.
- Yeah, well, the truth is - But wait, there's more.
No, there's not.
Really.
Oh, come on.
Don't be modest.
Go ahead, Lilly.
They're going to spend their day off school volunteering and washing dishes at the soup kitchen.
Soup kitchen.
Oh, yeah.
Make sure you wear your hair nets, girls.
I'll see you guys at the soup kitchen! Now that's a picture I'll never get tired of.
Who said, who said I can't be worldwide I said, I said time is on my side Who said, who said I can't be ten feet tall I said, I said that I can have it all Who said, who said I can't be Superman I said, I said that I know I can Who said, who said I won't be President I say, I say you ain't seen nothing yet Whoa, yeah Who said Come on, yeah That's right