The Troop (2009) s01e19 Episode Script

♪♪♪
Felix I'm betting
it's some college prank.
Jake What?
A whole, entire cow is missing.
Hayley If anyone has
seen the missing cow,
please let me know!
No tire tracks leading
anywhere near the pen
and you think it's
college students?
That's the clever part.
See, this is how
they pulled it off,
they laid down thick
cardboard flatted out
to disguise the truck tires.
Really?
That's your theory?
Cow rustlers armed
with cardboard.
Thick cardboard.
Besides, what makes you think
it's a monster anyway?
I don't know, just a feeling.
Griffin!
[crowd screams]
[Griffin screeches]
[cow moos]
Oh, my god!
Wow, I never thought
I would actually see one.
Hayley Everyone, it's okay!
Just take it easy.
It's amazing.
Majestic.
It's why kings put them
on their coat of arms
and it's pooping now.
Hayley Just stay calm.
It's gonna be fine.
Jake, hurry up with that Snark.
They look like they
are gonna freak out.
One memory wipe coming up.
[Snark gurgles]
[chomp]
What's with the attitude?
Do your job, bitter.
[Snark sings]
So, like I was saying,
everyone, it was probably
some college kids
horsing around.
We found some cardboard residue.
Go on about your business.
Whoa, definitely a Griffin.
Chose the Blue Ribbon
winner too.
Good taste.
Whoa, what happened
to your neck?
The Snark bit me.
Are you sure?
Like, it didn't just brush
up against you, right?
See for yourself.
Felix Oh boy.
Someone's getting a little
present from the Snark stork.
I like to call it the Snork.
Jake What are
you guys saying?
Hayley Jake, biting is how
Snarks make little Snarks.
But the Snark didn't bite
another Snark, it bit me.
Exactly.
Congratulations, Jake.
You're going to be a daddy.
No.
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
Stockley A Griffin?
Are you completely
sure it's a Griffin?
Oh yeah, definitely
one of the Five Most.
What's the 'Five Most'?
The five most dangerous
and elusive monsters
known to The Troop.
It's also my cell
phone calling plan.
Hayley Any Troop member who
captures one of the Five Most,
gets his or her face up on
a plaque at International.
Oh, and an award that stays
in your local Troop HQ.
Felix They even wrote
a song in honor of the event.
Felix slew
the mighty Griffin ♪
You've already got your song?
No, I had it written.
Failing to prepare is
preparing to fail, Jake.
I'm ready for almost anything.
Do you want to hear my
Academy Awards speech?
Not really.
Well, you're in it.
Hayley It has been years
since anyone has brought down
a Five Most.
I've never won an award.
Now we've really got
to get that Griffin!
Stockley What do
you mean now?
You were suppose
to get it before.
That's your job, right?
Yeah, but now
there's a plaque.
And a soccer jersey.
Fifty-fifty?
All cotton.
I've got to get that Griffin!
Stockley Whoa, Jake.
You've got bigger things
to worry about.
You my friend, have a Snark
gestating in your neck.
Hayley The Snark chooses
a host to implant
the next generation.
It's actually a huge honor.
You should be proud.
Jake Well, I'm not proud.
Get this out of me.
Stockley Oh, it will come
out, in about three days.
You see, it imbeds
itself into your neck
and then it creates a pus sack
and grows to about 20 times
it's present size
until it bursts through the skin
in a rain of blood and mucus.
It's a beautiful process.
Jake What?
This has to stop, now!
Stockley It's too late, Jake.
It's already eating
your brain fluid.
But Mr. Stockley, I have
to catch the Griffin.
I want that jersey.
And a snow cone machine.
[Jake sighs]
Stockley I'm sorry, Jake,
but the Snarks are too valuable.
You're on 24 hour bed rest
and a restricted diet.
I hope you like yams.
And of course,
I am forbidding you
from using the jetpacks.
Hayley Ahh!
The jetpacks?
We're getting jetpacks?
All right!
Jetpacks!
Thank you, cow-stealing Griffin.
What?
We have jetpacks?
I want a jetpack.
I want I song, a jersey
and a snow cone machine.
And a dumpling steamer.
Oh, what?
I need to get that Griffin.
I'm sorry, Jake, but
it's just too dangerous
in your condition.
And I'm afraid
it's going to get worse.
Worse?
I'm already missing out on
a Five Most, Mr. Stockley.
Oh, Jake,
you just lie back
and take it easy and
let that little baby
start leaching the victorious
fluids from eyeballs.
Oh ho.
Oh, I envy you.
Well, maybe the Griffin
will still be there
when this is over.
I don't think so, Jake.
See, the Griffin has
finally met his match.
I have a plan so cunning that we
may not even need the jetpacks.
[click]
[Hayley sighs]
You know, I used to
think cows were disgusting,
but now that we're
sitting in one,
I think they're kind of cute.
Can't really appreciate
someone until you walk
a mile in herhooves.
You know, I'm really
starting to see
the difference in them though.
Like, the small one,
kind of stand-offish,
but the one with big eyes,
is really quite the joker.
How can you tell the one
with big eyes is the joker?
They're both eating grass.
Ha ha ha!
Classic Buttercup.
I know I say this as someone
who's sitting inside a cow,
but you've lost your mind.
Well, look who's calling
the Angus black, buddy.
If you hate cows so much, then
why do you have a fake one?
My dad thought tree
houses were dangerous
so he got me this.
Second worse Christmas ever.
[Felix sighs]
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
Hayley What's
the plan here again?
We sit here in the juiciest
cow in the whole fair
No no, except for Buttercup.
Buttercup?
Yeah.
We're twice as hot as she is.
I mean, we got it going on.
And believe me, all we
have to do is sit here
and wait for the Griffin
to swoop down and grab us.
Then it leads us
to it's lair and boom!
We open up on him
with the blasters.
Winner, winner.
Chicken dinner.
So, we blast him
while we're in the air.
Right.
Then what happens?
We just fall like 7,000 feet?
Oh ho, honey.
I thought this through.
You see, the Griffin
We're in here and
then it grabs us
What I'm trying to say
isabandon cow!
Abandon cow!
Move!
Ow!
Be careful!
Felix Move it!
Whoa, dude, what happened
to ladies first?
That's for elevators
and lifeboats, not for cows.
[both groan]
[Griffin shrieks]
[distant mooing]
Buttercup!
That thing's mostly
gristle so, jokes on you!
The worst part is
I can't even scratch it.
Watch.
[gurgle]
Cool.
Ah, you're so lucky.
It's so boring staking out
the Griffin at the fair.
Ah, thanks.
Felix Hey, yeah
it's a real snooze fest.
[gurgles]
Hayley What are you eating?
Jelly beans
with turkey gravy.
Hayley Ah, that's disgusting!
Hey, it's better without
the spaghetti sauce and mud.
Oh no.
Felix What happened?
[gurgles]
I think it wants to come out.
Felix It's go time.
Jake, we're on our way!
[gurgles]
Jake What's going on?
Felix Oh um,
we're just waiting for
my caricature to finish.
Surfing?
I don't surf.
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
Hayley Just try and relax.
This will be nice and easy.
Stockley [with menacing voice]
All is in readiness.
[zaps]
[evil laugh]
But, seriously, Jake,
you're doing just fine.
Hayley Is there going
to be a lot of pain?
Felix I can't take pain.
If you scream,
I might get a little dizzy.
Why are you even here?
Because you need me.
[Snark creaks]
My heart feels like
it's getting crushed.
My lungs feel like they're
getting pulled out of my chest.
[Felix groans]
Okay, that means it's coming.
Now look Jake, I just
want you to sit back
and enjoy this
wondrous experience.
If he tries to run, shock
him with these electrodes.
Huh?
Oh no!
Felix Oh no!
Oh no, it's coming!
Nobody freak out.
Felix Nobody freak out!
Nobody freak out!
Nobody freak out!
[electric zaps]
I deserved that.
Here it comes!
[splat]
Aaw!
[gurgles]
Jake Phew!
When do I get my jetpack?
Oh, you can
have it right now.
I could?
Absolutely.
But I wouldn't let you.
What?
It's too dangerous, Jake.
Someone's got to raise the baby.
Hayley It's a
great honor, Jake.
I wish it was me but,
I'll be thinking that
the entire time I'm flying
through the clouds.
Whaa hoo!
No no no no!
I already did my part.
I'm done.
Let's go hunt the Griffin
and ride jetpacks.
The baby has to be
raised by someone, Jake.
And I think it made its choice.
[gurgles]
But I already did my part.
Well, you should have
thought about that
before you got all Snarked up.
♪♪♪
[baby gurgles]
[baby cries]
What do I do?
Stockley Good bye
[in Finnish]
[baby cries]
Well, did you feed the Snark?
Burp it?
Give it a nap?
Yes, yes and yes.
Well, then there's
just one thing left.
Give up and go
hunt the Griffin?
Okay, two things.
Try changing him.
You're gonna need
these.
Can't you do it?
I'd like to, Jake,
but the Snark attaches to it
birther for its mental health.
In order for it to survive
it's going to need
your full attention and care.
Plus, it grosses me out.
But good news, I just
spoke to Yorgie Wainio
from the Helsinki Troop
which they pronounce Truuup.
Looks like your little
Snark is heading to Finland.
It's far away from here
so it sounds good to me.
♪♪♪
Without the Snarks, Jake,
Troops around the world
couldn't work in the secrecy
we need to do our jobs.
The Snarks are truly a gift
from the heavens.
[Snark farts]
Eww!
This little dude is ripe.
I'm headin' to the archives.
What's in there?
Not your stinky baby.
This day couldn't
get any worse.
[jets flare]
Okay, Felix, tell me
how great the jetpack is.
Felix Believe me, Jake,
it's not that cool.
Yeah, right.
Felix I mean, yes, obviously
it's super cool at first
but it wears off fast.
I'm totally over it already.
Hayley Wheee!
Felix See!
That's just the tell-tale
sound of a rookie.
[jet whooshes]
Hayley Wheee!
This is so cool.
I can fly!
Oh man, the Snark
is ruining my life.
Felix Hayley, let's try to
be a little sensitive to Jake.
Hayley Oh, right.
It's not that cool.
Listen, guys, I appreciate
you trying not to hurt
my feelings but your
just making it worse.
Go get the Griffin and stop
worrying about my feelings.
Hayley Don't worry, Jake.
There are four more Five Most.
I'm sure you'll get
a chance at some point.
Felix And if we
do catch the Griffin,
I will totally take you
to the concert where Bono
will sing for us,
as my personal guest.
Looking forward to it.
Hayley You know, I think
you're forgetting what a huge
Don't say 'honor'.
It's just a chore I got
stuck with, that's all.
Hayley Huh, all right.
See you later, Jake.
Felix Hang in there, buddy.
[jetpacks whoosh]
Doorway.
[thud]
Felix Argh!
I guess that's why they
come with a helmet, ha.
Later.
[jetpack whoosh]
Hayley Shouldn't we be
scouting some likely locations
where the Griffin could be?
Felix Hayley,
we first have to fully
immerse ourselves
in what it's like to be
a flying creature.
Let's see who can spit
on the most stuff.
Hayley You're
going down, Garcia.
Felix Bring it on!
[baby Snark gurgles]
What?
You want my soda now?
Fine, have some.
[baby burps]
Nice try.
I'll cut you some slack
because that was your first one.
But I want you to
really rip one out.
It shouldn't just come
from your stomach,
it should come from your soul.
Observe.
Burrrppp!
[Snark giggles]
Come on, make Papa proud.
Baby Snark BUURRRPP!
Now I'm starting to see
the family resemblance.
I'm going to name you Elroy.
Felix Somewhere
out there is
Hayley The Griffin.
I was going to say the
future Mrs. Felix Garcia
but hey, yeah, sure,
the Griffin.
Okay, we have been flying
around for hours and still
there is no sign of the future
wifeor the Griffin.
Well, that's because we
don't have the perfect bait
which is why I got this.
What is this?
It's a meat necklace.
Oh, that's gross!
It's not what
you think, Hayley.
Okay, is it a
necklace made of meat?
Yes.
Then it's exactly
what I think.
Well then you're going
to hate the turkey slippers.
I am not putting
my feet in turkey.
Uh-uh.
Sounds like someone doesn't
want to catch Griffin.
Ahhh
To be a real Snark
you have to learn
to get into your Snark box.
Just come on up into that box.
I'll show you.
See.
Dude in a box.
Pretty awesome.
You can do it.
You get into your box.
[Snark gurgles]
Yes.
[Snark gurgles]
No, no, not my box, your box.
You get in yours.
[Snark squeaks]
[Snark purrs]
I guess getting
in my box is enough.
The important thing is
that you're in a box.
Hayley There's something
that feels good
about flying over the city
with your feet in some turkeys.
Felix That's a small victory,
but the Griffin's still
no where in sight.
Hayley Okay, well
maybe it's not hungry.
It did eat an entire cow.
If I ate a cow, I would not
be hungry for quite a while.
Felix We're
running out of fuel.
I guess we should get back to HQ
and figure out a new plan.
Hayley I feel
like such a failure.
Felix Ohhhh!
Ohhh!
Good news is you're
not a failure.
♪♪♪
[Hayley moans]
♪♪♪
[Griffin screeches]
Ahhh hooo!
Where are we?
In a cave,
surrounded by cow bones.
For once I'd like the answer
to be "we're in a water park
with free pizza
and tons of friends."
[Griffin snarls]
Our jetpacks are totaled,
our weapons are destroyed,
there's a gigantic lion-bird
in here and he's hungry.
Sure, keep pilling it on.
[Griffin snarls]
Get behind me.
[Griffin snarls]
No problem.
There's plenty more
where that came from.
Hah!
Get 'em!
Nope.
That's the last.
Come on, luck.
[Snark gurgles]
Come on, roll it back, Elroy.
You can do it.
[Snark gurgles]
Yes, that's my boy.
[watchcom beeps]
Felix Jake, we're
in the Griffin's cave,
our jetpacks our dead
and we have no weapons.
Who's this?
Felix Very funny.
Just get over here!
Okay, okay.
I'll be right there.
Don't get eaten.
Felix Nice kitty-bird
monster.
Hayley Watch out, Felix.
[Griffin shrieks]
Felix Jake, I'm sending
you the coordinates.
Just plug it in to your jetpack
and it'll lead you right to us.
My jetpack?
It's in the corner,
under the blanket.
It says I can't.
Just do it!
Jake Sweet!
You are mine, Mr. Five Most.
And so are you,
dumpling steamer, yes!
♪♪♪
Yeee hooo!
[jetpack whooshes]
Where's the Griffin?
We distracted it with turkey
slippers and a meat necklace.
Did Felix hit his head?
Uh?
[Snark gurgles]
You brought a baby
to a Griffin fight?
Jake Oh no, he must
of snuck in there.
This is too dangerous
for a baby Snark, Jake.
Take the jetpack
and get him out of here.
What about you guys?
Hayley We're fine,
we've got a blaster now.
I found some strip steak
in my pocket.
That'll be enough
to hold the Griffin off.
But you have got to get out
of here right now.
Oh, right now
is a little to late.
[Griffin growls]
[Griffin snarls]
Ah, aah!
[Griffin snarls]
[Snark gurgles]
Jake No, no, come here!
[Snark sings]
[Snark gurgles]
Felix Where are we?
In a cave,
surrounded by cow bones.
For once I'd like the answer
to be "at a water park
with free pizza
and tons of friends."
Why do your feet
smell like turkey?
[Griffin shrieks]
Griffin!
[Griffin snarls]
I got it!
Don't shoot
until Elroy is clear!
Elroy? You named it?
I thought you said
it ruined your life.
Ruined my life?
It's an honor, everyone says so.
Come here, buddy.
Come on down here.
[Griffin snarls]
Stop him!
[blaster powers up]
Hayley Careful, Jake!
Jake I know.
Hayley The baby.
[screeches]
Felix Oh no, no, Jake!
You almost had him.
It was a Five Most.
Jake I know.
I don't care about that stuff.
He's got Elroy.
Come back here with my boy!
Hayley Jake, no!
[gasps]
♪♪♪
Jake I'm coming, Elroy!
[Snark screams]
Ah, got you!
Phew!
You had me worried, buddy.
Now you're safe
for a few more seconds.
Ah, think, Jake.
Think.
Come on, man.
[whoosh]
Ahhh!
♪♪♪
I never said you
could use MY jetpack.
Felix Are you kidding me?
Yes, I'm kidding you.
You saved us.
Whoo hoo!
[Griffin shrieks]
Go faster!
He gaining on us.
Felix Good, I don't want
him to see this coming.
[jets blast]
[Felix laughs]
Incoming!
♪♪♪
That cow was
a friend of mine.
[blaster zaps]
[boom, splat]
Nothing worse than Griffin goo.
[Snark gurgles]
You be nice to
those Fins, understand?
[Snark squeaks]
But not too nice.
Don't let them push you around.
I'm not gonna cry.
I'm not.
Jake All right, you take
care of yourself, make friends,
and don't forget
[Snark burps]
I'm going to
miss you too, buddy.
Stockley You did
very well, Jake.
[gurgles]
Very well.
It's here, the award for
bagging one of the Five Most.
Jake Nice!
[Hayley gasps]
It's yours, Hayley.
You guys did
most of the work.
Yeah, but you shot it.
Well, then it belongs
to all of us.
[Snark gurgles]
Jake I think it
belongs to one of us.
Well, he did save us.
And he was on
the team at the time.
And I don't think he's
going to let go of it.
♪♪♪