My Three Sons (1960) s01e20 Episode Script

1
(theme song plays)
BOY: Go on, I'll be right there.
Man, oh, man, you mean you got this all to yourself?
Yeah.
Oh, I know I put it in here.
Your own telephone?
An extension.
(dial tone droning)
Brother!
Imagine, having privacy in your home.
Boy, Hank, you sure got it made.
She must have put it someplace.
Hey, what's this?
(clock chiming in distance)
Your folks aren't sending you
to boarding school, are they? No.
They're not sending me.
Boy!
No problem, Hank, I-I'll help you.
What happened, Hank?
Nothing, Mom.
I was just looking for my Oh, Hank.
It's not hurt, Mom.
I-I'm sorry.
Uh, this is Robbie Douglas, Mom.
Hi, Mrs. Ferguson.
Douglas?
Do you live over on Mill Street?
Yes, ma'am.
Well, your next-door neighbor Mrs. Pearson
is a very old friend of mine.
She talks about you boys all the time.
Where's my baseball glove, Mom?
Well, it's on the hook I put up for it.
I didn't see it.
Well Nice meeting you, Mrs. Ferguson.
Come back again, Robbie.
I will.
Uh, don't forget, dinner's at 6:00.
Will Dad be home?
Not till tomorrow. Okay.
Well, see you later, Mom.
See you later.
(trumpet playing) Well, you're home early, ain't you?
What happened to the meeting?
Well, we needed eight for a quorum,
and a quorum didn't show up,
so we gave the whole thing up and came home.
Oh.
We do this once every month, you know.
(playing off-key.
Well, Chip, what are you doing there?
Making breakfast rolls? For geography.
Oh. It's a relief map of the North American continent.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Those raisins threw me a little.
They're the capitals.
Bub, what is that program you've got on there?
That's Gilfoil's Amateur Hour.
(playing scales)
How long has Robbie been practicing?
Almost an hour.
It's a toss-up which goes first, his lip or my eardrums.
(playing loudly off-key)
Hey!
When are you going to sound the all-clear?
(blares note)
Oh, I tell you.
Since that kid took up the trumpet,
it's been like trying to study
in the middle of a cat fight.
Dad, when they sold you that thing,
didn't they include a mute?
I've got to play loud
or else I I can't hear myself
on account of the TV and
Watch where you're going!
You almost smashed the Allegheny.
Do this kid always have to have something
laying around in the living room?
You get sore at me if I try and work in my room.
My room! Mine.
Easy, men.
One thing I do like about your trumpet playing
It's so peaceful when you stop.
A guy can't win.
I get bawled out if I don't practice,
and I get bawled out when I do.
We want you to practice, Robbie.
Where?
How about the garage?
Yeah. That's about the only spot left.
Boy, did I see a neat place yesterday.
Hank Ferguson's house.
Oh. Is that George Ferguson's son?
I guess so.
Those people know what a house ought to be like.
What's so special about this Ferguson place?
Well, there's there's no mixing bowls laying around
or or moldy dough,
or flea-bitten dogs in their living room.
And their place doesn't look like a Chinese laundry.
And there's no radio blasting around
when Hank has to practice.
He doesn't get shoved into the dining room
when he's got something important to do.
He's got a swell room, all to himself.
And a phone, where he can talk to someone in private
without having to hide inside the closet.
Yeah? No kidding? He's got his own phone?
Hank doesn't have any brothers or sisters, does he?
Are you kidding?
You know, it made me feel
good just to go inside that house.
Hey, look out!
Everything's so nice and quiet.
Some guys just got it made.
MIKE: If he likes Ferguson's house so much,
why doesn't he move in?
Yeah. Then I'd have a room of my own.
Well, Chipper, you'd better go to bed, huh?
I didn't get the Rockies very high.
Well, you can make them higher tomorrow, okay?
Okay.
Oh, don't bother to pick up that stuff.
I'll clean it up for you.
Take your map if you want.
I'll be up and hear your prayers in a minute.
Good night. Come on, Tramp! Come on, boy!
MIKE: Well, now that the animals are settling,
maybe I can get some studying done.
Hmm. His own phone, huh?
Don't get any ideas.
You know, Bub, this place does look a little
like it was just declared a disaster area.
It's a living room, isn't it?
So we're living in it.
Yeah, I know, but we get so used to it
that it starts looking normal to us.
But then Robbie gets a look
at something like the Ferguson house and
Oh, he was just mad
on account of what we said about his trumpet.
No, no. I don't think so.
He's got a point.
And a boy his age ought to have a room of his own, too.
Did you? Well, no, but
Well, neither did I.
I know, but, if it's possible,
a kid ought to have his own room. You know that.
(crashing)
The natives are restless tonight.
Hey, Dad, the bathroom faucet's stuck again!
There's water all over everything!
(clock chiming)
We're back.
Well, you two are home early.
Well, Hank said he was tired.
Some salesmen Dad knew were at the restaurant.
I wanted him to stay and talk, let me come on home.
Every other Wednesday's our night out.
I'm with those guys all week.
Have a nice dinner?
Sure.
He always orders the same thing.
Can't get him to try anything new.
Anything's okay.
I I'm sorry.
Well, if you're tired, dear,
why don't you just run up to bed?
I want to talk about Graystoke's.
Can't that wait?
Well, I I sort of wanted to make the change at midterm.
Well, that's less than a month away.
I don't know how you got this idea in your head.
Well, you said yourself
the military discipline would be good for me.
Graystoke's is so far away.
Well, it's a good school, and the tuition's not too high.
I'll work summers to help pay my way.
It's not the money.
Then can I go?
You'd be leaving all your friends.
I haven't got many.
Are you in trouble at school?
No. No, I'm not in any trouble.
You're not running away from anything, are you?
I just want to go to Graystoke's.
All right.
Gee, thanks, Dad.
You'll send in the enrollment
and admission fees right away?
Well I'll see you in the morning, huh?
Good night, Hank.
Night, Hank.
You know, I've been thinking
it might be good to have Hank's friends over more often.
Perhaps to dinner or overnight.
Yeah.
Don't expect Hank to change his mind about Graystoke's.
Here we are.
Thank you.
I don't know what it is, but it sure looks pretty.
It's chocolate mousse.
No kidding. Moose?
Mmm!
(phone rings)
I'll get it.
Hey, it's good!
Thank you, Robbie.
Boy, you'll never get swell chow like this
at any boarding school.
(clock chiming)
It'll be okay.
(clock chiming)
That was Wilkinson.
He wants me to meet him at Plainfield tomorrow.
Looks like another weekend session.
But, George, I promised to spend
the weekend with Aunt Martha.
Poor Claire is so tied down.
I did think it would do her good to get away.
I forgot about that.
I guess I'll just have to call Wilkinson back.
I don't mind staying here alone.
Oh, no, dear. We couldn't do that.
Why not? I'd be okay.
Hey, why don't you stay at my house over the weekend?
That's nice of you, Robbie.
But we couldn't ask your father to take care of Hank.
Oh, my dad won't mind. He loves crowds.
Besides, it'll be nice
to have someone around who agrees with me.
Mom, could I?
Boy, Hank. Wait till I tell Bub
I had a moose for dessert.
(phone ringing) Bub, who took my other shoe tree?
(Chip yelling, Tramp barking)
Just a minute!
(phone ringing) Come on in.
Hello. We might as well go up to my room.
Oh, Robbie, it's for you.
He just came in.
Hank Ferguson, my brother Mike.
(Chip yelling, Tramp barking)
This is my other brother, Chip.
Hi. Hi.
I'll be with you in a second.
Hello.
Oh, hi, Trish.
CHIP: When's dinner gonna be ready?
BUB: It'll be ready when it's ready.
Jeepers, Bub, nobody eats this late.
You eat early, late and in-between times.
(makes car noises)
(barking)
Hang on a second, Trish, I-I can't hear you, okay.
Hold it, now. Beep, beep!
Hold it, Stirling Moss. Hey.
Now, just turn the engine off. Hey.
Whose idea was it to use my shoe tree as a doorstop?
Is that what that is?
Yes, that's what that is.
(makes car noises)
Oh, Bub, this is Hank Ferguson.
Hi. Where's Robbie?
He's on the phone.
(Tramp barking, Chip making car noises)
We're, uh, planning on slicking this place up soon.
Looks okay to me.
I don't suppose it looks anything like your house.
Not at all.
ROBBIE: Hank, did you meet everybody?
I-I think so.
Come on, then.
BUB: Go away, will you, Tramp?
Come here, will you? CHIP: Beep, beep!
I'll break one of your heads if you don't behave.
Maybe I'll break both of them.
Now, pick this stuff up.
Uh, this'll be your bunk.
Swell.
Chip's stuff here.
Here are clean sheets and pillow cases.
ROBBIE: Thanks, Bub.
I keep telling you guys to straighten this place up.
Hank, I hope you'll be able
to put up with us for a night or two.
I just wish my mother could see it.
You want to help me change the sheets, Hank?
Sure.
(Tramp barking, Chip making car noises)
I got to get my stuff.
Hey, come on, Chip!
Will you get out of here?
It's my room, too, you know!
Hey, Hank, what do you think
Hey, Chip, you're not gonna
bring all this junk into my room.
Oh, yes, I am.
Oh, no, you're not. Bub!
Hey, Bub, will you make him
clear out of here and leave Hank and me alone?
Getting my stuff.
Not roller skates and that tent.
What is this?
You don't need this stuff.
Yes, I do.
And take that bale of hay with you.
Hey, Bub, come on, tell this
kid that he can't bring this stuff.
Come on now, you fellas, get
out of here and leave Robbie alone.
He has a guest. Okay, but will you
tell him to put this stuff in the
closet? Show a little respect.
Okay, okay. Help him get this junk out of here.
Help him? I don't want this stuff! I'll get the rest later!
It's a lazy man's load. Let him out of here.
Come on, get out.
Here. All right. Chip, you cannot
BUB: I could make this house
look like something, too,
if I didn't have to double as upstairs maid and bouncer.
Brother, what a guy's got to put up with in this house.
Yeah.
Let's take this top spread off.
We just got to do something about
that darn kid and his rock collection!
You're wanted on the phone, Hank.
He'll be here in just a minute, Mrs. Ferguson. (Hank yells)
You know, Saturday is housecleaning day around here,
and Hank's been giving us a hand.
Keeping house for four other fellas is no picnic.
Here. (Robbie humming)
Oh, thanks a lot.
Hello?
Hank?
(Robbie singing)
Well, how are you getting along?
Swell, Mom.
Well, Claire didn't
go away after all, so I came home.
You could have stayed here with me.
I don't have to come home now, do I?
(Robbie singing)
No, Hank, of course not.
BUB: Hey, somebody stole the vacuum cleaner.
Good job. Where's the vacuum cleaner?
Chip's using it, Bub.
What, out in the backyard?
Yeah, it's great for leaves.
I just wanted you to know where you could reach me.
Okay, Mom.
Well, have a nice time.
Bye.
(humming, whistling)
Here I come, Robbie.
Hey!
MAN: George?
Are you with us this morning?
I'm sorry.
I didn't sleep well last night.
I'll wake up pretty soon.
I was saying, your first big problem will be Huston.
He just isn't doing a job for us.
Hard to figure out, too.
He's smart, has a fine background.
But he just can't seem to reach people,
get his point across.
That happens.
Maybe you can help him.
If I ever knew a salesman
who could communicate on every level, it's you.
Maybe Huston is trying too hard.
You beat him, Hank!
(all shouting excitedly)
Oh, right there! You lost, Robbie!
He beat you buy a mile, Robbie!
You beat him! Right here!
You know, part of Huston's trouble is
that he has nobody but himself to think of.
You and I are lucky to have wives and kids to work for.
Gives a man purpose, incentive.
Did you find it, George?
Oh, yes.
Are you ready?
Yeah. Roger.
CHIP: On your mark, get set go!
Oh, nice slide!
What's going on here?!
Oh, we're polishing the floor, Bub.
You're what?!
Come on in and look at it.
I should say I will.
Come on, let me look.
Looks pretty good, doesn't it?
Not bad. Yeah.
Hey, the upstairs hall is even better.
Come on, you guys. Oh, boy!
Yeah, let's go! Come on!
Hey, Robbie, can I try once?!
(boys shouting excitedly)
ROBBIE: This is gonna be a blast!
Come on! CHIP: Yeah! Look out.
(phone ringing)
Hello.
Oh.
No, I'm sorry, you have the wrong number.
That's all right.
BUB: Hey, Steve, you down here?
I'm right here, Bub.
What are you doing?
Well, I'm trying to figure out if there isn't
some way we can, uh, build a room down here for Robbie.
It's just so much waste space.
Oh. Well, good luck.
(Tramp barking)
Hey, come on, you guys!
Give me that! Hey, guys! Hey!
(boys shouting excitedly)
Throw it to me! (Door buzzer sounding)
Throw it to me!
(door buzzer sounding)
Here! Here we go!
Handoff! Get out of the way, Tramp!
Give me that! Hey, mine!
Go back!
Hey, come on, Mike, come on!
(boys shouting, Tramp barking)
Hey, that's no fair!
Yes, it is! Here, Hank!
Hey! Want it?!
(boys shouting, Tramp barking)
Hey!
MIKE: Robbie, okay, get back!
(footsteps on ceiling)
Well, they seem to be
a little bit wilder than usual this weekend.
(laughs)
Maybe I better try some tear gas.
(barking)
I got it! I got it! I got it!
(boys shouting)
(barking)
Come on! All right, Chip!
I had it! Here!
Hey, you guys!
There it is, Robbie!
(barking, shouting)
Dad!
(shouting stops)
I-I'm sorry.
BUB: All right, all right, you guys.
Uh, B-Bub, this
What have you done, turned loose an earthquake?
Bub, this is Hank's father.
Mr. Ferguson?
All right, I hope you guys are proud of yourselves.
I really don't know what to say, Mr. Ferguson.
Your Dad's right.
Steve's a good father.
What we need around here is some organization
and a little more discipline!
You know, Steve tries.
He-he really tries.
I think it's about time you fellas realize
that this is a home, not a football field
or a circus ring.
You gripe the way things look around here
and the noise and all that.
Raising three boys is not easy, you know.
All right, then.
So right here and now, there's
gonna be some strict changes.
New rules.
And the first one is:
no keep away games inside.
And the second You're making a mistake.
Huh?
It's taken me only two minutes in this house
to see that your family's got something,
something worth keeping.
Why, you, you enjoy living together,
sharing everything!
Don't spoil it, or you'll end up sharing nothing,
except maybe a feeling of relief when you get outside.
And pretty soon, you won't even want to c
I-I-I'm sorry.
I, I had no right to talk that way to you, Mr
O'Casey.
Well
I, uh, I just dropped by to, to make sure
that, uh, Hank was all right.
Laura.
I-I was next door visiting the Pearsons.
And since it was so close, I
I wanted to see Hank.
So did I.
And now that I have, I'm going home.
You're coming with me.
We have a lot of house-wrecking to do
if we're ever going to build a home.
Yes, George.
We'll see you tomorrow, Hank.
Sure, Dad.
Nice meeting you, Mr. O'Casey.
Thank you.
Well, I guess he kind of told me off.
Yeah.
Boy, your dad's a real neat guy, Hank.
He sure is.
You know I've been thinking.
Maybe I'd be smarter to wait till next fall
to start at Graystoke's.
Sure.
By then, you may not even want to go at all.
Yeah.
Well, I'll just get the place cleaned up.
Yeah, that's what we'll do.
We'll put his bathroom right
in here, where the plumbing is.
Shower here, washbasin there.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, no.
He'll have to go through bathroom to get to his bedroom.
That's no good.
Robbie wants a private room,
and I get clobbered.
Who said I wanted a private room?
You did, don't you remember?
Are you kidding?
Half-pint there
couldn't get along without me.
Who couldn't?
If I'd keep my nose out of things,
I'd be a whole lot better off.
And from now on, that's exactly what I think I'm gonna do.
I don't see how you stand him.
One night, and he's already got my room
looking like a-a gravel pit.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Hey, Mike, that's no fair!
(laughter)
Get him, Tramp. Get out of here, Tramp.
MIKE: Get him. Get out of here.
It's funny what a guy can get used to.
Landing here and a flight of stairs down this way.
So, he comes down the stairs
and goes right into his bedroom here.
Yes, that ought to work out very well.
We spend the summers here and go to Florida for the winter.
Because we got no furnace.
Ooh!