The Brady Bunch (1969) s01e20 Episode Script

1
Here's the story of a lovely lady ♪
Who was bringing up
three very lovely girls ♪
All of them had hair of gold,
like their mother ♪
The youngest one in curls
It's the story of a man named Brady ♪
Who was busy
with three boys of his own ♪
They were four men living all together ♪
Yet they were all alone
Till the one day
when the lady met this fellow ♪
And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
That this group must
somehow form a family ♪
That's the way they all became
the Brady Bunch ♪
the Brady Bunch, the Brady Bunch ♪
That's the way they became
the Brady Bunch. ♪
MIKE: Hi, honey. Hi, Alice.
Hi, Mr. Brady. Hi, honey.
Where are the kids?
Oh, they're around somewhere.
Just hit the dinner bell,
they'll come out of the woodwork.
Hmm, you know, I think
I just worked up an appetite.
Well, I didn't know my salad
shook you up like that.
How'd Marcia's appointment
go with the dentist?
They put braces on her.
MIKE: I was hoping that
wouldn't be necessary.
Well, the X-rays confirmed it.
They say if she wears braces now,
it'll save her bite.
Well, if it had to be, it had to be.
Cheer up, Mr. Brady.
They won't hurt her looks hardly at all.
Thanks, Alice.
Well, they say she only has to wear them
for a little while.
Dr. Ruskin said that the correction
isn't that difficult.
How's Marcia taking it?
Like a real trooper.
That girl hasn't said
a word since she got home.
I'm ugly, ugly, ugly!
( Crying )
( Mouthing words )
ALICE: Marcia!
Soup's on!
GREG: Yeah, I can hardly wait!
Me neither!
Oh, great!
Where's Marcia?
Oh, I just called her.
So did I, a couple of times.
Well, I'll go up and get her.
You and the kids start without me.
Okay.
I can hardly wait to see Marcia's braces.
Didn't she show them to you?
No.
Bobby and I offered her a quarter,
but she wouldn't open her mouth.
Marcia.
( Knocking )
Marcia.
What is it, Dad?
Honey, it's dinnertime;
we're all waiting for you.
Pass the butter, please.
What?
Uh my teeth are sore.
Is it okay if I don't come down?
Alice made your favorite
spaghetti, honey.
That's very soft.
I'm not hungry.
Well, okay, you don't
have to come down now,
but if you get hungry later,
you can have your dinner
in the kitchen, all right?
Okay.
How's the spaghetti, dear?
I don't know.
Why don't you open your mouth
and chew some?
It tastes like lead.
These braces even ruin spaghetti.
Honey, you'll get used to them soon
and then everything
will taste normal again.
I'll never get used to them.
I hate them!
Marcia
lots of children have to wear braces.
Dr. Ruskin will take them off soon
and you'll be prettier than ever.
By that time, I'll be an old maid 20.
You only have to wear them
for a little while.
The school dance is in two weeks.
I don't think I want to go, Mom.
Alan's going to be very disappointed.
Well, how do you think he'll feel
if he has to dance with me all night?
Every time I smile, I'll look
like an electric can opener.
I don't think that's fair.
I mean, after all,
you did accept his invitation
braces or no braces.
I don't want Alan
or anybody else to see me now
at least not with my mouth open.
Marcia braces can't change
the feelings of a real friend
and they could never change the
feelings of those who love you.
Maybe you're right, Mom.
Well, your dress for the dance
will be ready tomorrow.
Do you still want me to pick it up?
I guess so.
Maybe Alan will like me more
when he realizes what I'm
willing to go through for him.
That's my girl.
Now eat.
You know, it's not going
to be easy at first,
so we all have to be very understanding.
Your sister's at an age
in which she's very
conscious of her looks.
You mean she's boy-crazy.
Yes, some people call it that
though there is nothing
very crazy about it
and someday you're going to make
that same wonderful discovery, too.
Like you and mom did
when you met each other?
Yes, just like that.
Would you have married mom
if she wore braces?
Sure, I would.
She'd be just as beautiful
to me, and so is Marcia,
and that's what I want you
to reassure her of.
I don't think any girls are beautiful.
That's because you're not girl-crazy yet.
Marcia is not just a girl,
Peter, she's your sister.
I don't know if I could
tell her she's beautiful.
I never said that to a girl before.
All right, then don't say it now.
Just treat her like you always have.
Ignore the braces.
Pretend they're not even there, see?
Marcia's in there.
Daddy said to act natural
and I always barge in on Marcia
when she's in the bathroom.
It's locked.
Who is it?
It's me!
Can't come in.
Why not?
I'm brushing my teeth.
Well, I got to brush mine, too.
Remember, don't look at her braces.
Cindy, look at me!
What for?
Tell me the honest truth.
Do I look funny?
Of course not you look beautiful.
Thanks, Cindy.
But how do you get the toothpaste
through all that barbed wire?
Marcia, I think your braces are neat.
You haven't even seen them.
Billy Meekus wears them.
He's in my class and his are neat.
Well, mine aren't.
He can make great bird noises
by whistling through them.
Sometimes he makes noises
without even trying.
Great.
Peter, you're late for school.
No, I'm not.
Oh, yes, you are.
Okay, see you later, Marcia.
Oh, yeah, braces are great
for magic tricks.
Billy puts a magnet up to his braces
and runs it clean across
his mouth with his tongue.
He's a riot.
Peter!
Okay, I'm going.
Don't forget your milk, sweetie.
It's good for your teeth.
Nothing will help mine.
Oh, hogwash. When those braces
come off of there,
you're going to be gorgeous,
just gorgeous.
How do you know?
'Cause I used to wear them myself.
You look scrumptious
just like Cinderella. Turn.
I feel more like one
of the ugly stepsisters.
All the kids at the assembly
today stared at me.
You were just imagining it.
No, I wasn't.
Greg told a joke and I laughed
and I got my lip caught in the braces
and everybody stared at me.
Well, you're just self-conscious about it.
Like when you've got a run
in your stocking,
you're sure the whole world is looking.
I saw Alan stare at me.
He made funny faces.
It's all in your head.
It's all my mouth.
Even my own family's making fun of me.
Marcia
I don't think I want to
go to the dance anymore.
Marcia, it's a woman's privilege
to change her mind,
but you change yours so often,
you're going to wear it out
before your 13th birthday.
Wow!
Is that your new dress for the dance?
Mm-hmm. Do you like it?
Oh, it's divine.
Thanks.
Oh, I'm glad you told her.
She doesn't believe me.
Well, sometimes people
say things just to be nice.
Would we say things
just to be nice to you?
We're your brother and sister.
Then you didn't really mean it.
Of course, they meant it!
I wonder if I can believe anything
anyone in this family says to me at all.
Honest! It's a real pretty dress.
Even if it doesn't cover up your braces.
( Sighs )
Marcia.
Marcia, you in there?
Alan's downstairs.
He wants to talk to you about the dance.
I'm not going.
( Sighs )
Well, if that's your decision,
I think you ought to tell him yourself.
Can I write him a note?
( Chuckling ): Well, come on.
Honey, listen, let me give you
some advice, man to woman.
You're going to tell me
that braces won't make any
difference to my real friends.
Mmm-hmm, that's right.
Listen, did you know
that the encyclopedia says
that some of history's most
beautiful women wore braces
when they were young girls?
Did you know that Cleopatra,
some authorities say, wore braces?
Cleopatra?
Wow!
Her braces must have been gorgeous.
Yeah, and they've improved them
in the last few thousand years, too.
See, there, you could put
a diamond in there
and a big pearl
and a big lumpy emerald
right in the middle.
Hi, Alan.
I'm glad you dropped by.
This is a very nice surprise.
Well, I'm glad you're glad,
because I have
another very nice surprise,
which isn't so very nice.
I can't take you to the dance.
Why not?
Well, my parents have to go
out of town next weekend.
So what?
I-I've got to go with them.
I don't believe you.
Honest! It's the truth.
You're lying!
You just don't want to be seen
with a girl who has braces, like I do now!
I hate you, Alan Anthony!
I hate everybody!
But Marcia, honest
Hey, you look like an expectant father.
Well, I am.
Listen, is my daughter gonna
have a little trauma
or is it going to be a big one?
A little one.
I think she's over it already.
She stopped crying,
and she's invited Cindy
into the bathroom with her.
Hey, that's a good sign.
I wonder why Alan's parents decided
to leave town at this time.
She didn't believe him.
Listen, maybe if you had
his mother call, hmm?
Oh, I don't think
that would do much good.
Right now, Marcia's convinced
that she's Dracula's daughter.
That makes me Dracula.
Sorry, dear.
Hey, how about another boyfriend?
Hmm?
I mean, if someone else
invited Marcia to the dance,
it might restore her confidence.
Honey, where is she going
to find another boy
at this late date?
How about our address book?
We have a lot of friends with sons.
Hmm
How about, uh Rosalyn Shaller?
She has a son, doesn't she?
Yeah, I think he's a lieutenant
in the Marine Corps.
Oh, yeah. He is a little old.
Little old, yes.
Well, um how about, uh,
Mary Jane Reynolds?
She has a son just the right age.
( laughing ): Harold?
Well, he's always liked Marcia.
I'm sure he'd love to
take her to the dance.
Isn't he that shy kid?
Well, right well, he'll need
a little encouragement.
Well, I think I'll call Mary Jane.
( Phone dialing )
Mike suppose
he doesn't want to take her?
He'd better, or he'll have
to tangle with Count Dracula.
( Giggling ): Mike oh, Mike, stop it!
How did you get the kink in your neck?
I gave Joey Michaelson a karate chop.
And you got a stiff neck?
Well, then he gave me a karate chop.
Oh. Say, isn't Joey
the boy that used to have
the crush on Marcia?
Yeah, but he swore off girls.
He likes karate better.
Well, it's less dangerous.
Why'd you ask me about Joey?
I was just wondering
if he might be interested
in taking Marcia to the dance.
Nah, no chance.
Ah, that's too bad.
Oh, it's a shame she's not going.
Yeah, that is a shame.
All right, all right!
( Sighing )
You sure are strong, Joey.
I got you down that time.
Too bad you don't know about leverage.
You'd be a great wrestler.
What's leverage?
Well, it's applying force
with a lot less pressure.
We studied that in physics.
You know, you're the worst
student in the whole class.
You keep telling me that.
Well, it's true.
Okay, so it's not my best subject.
That's why I asked you to help
me study for the final.
I changed my mind.
Why?
I guess I don't have the time.
Greg, if I flunk physics,
I'm going to lose my place
on the wrestling team!
How bad do you want it?
Real bad!
Well, they say every man has his price.
Hi, Alice.
Hi.
That'll be $8.21.
Uh-huh thank you, Eddie.
What's wrong?
Very little.
You'll do just fine.
Keep the change.
$1.79?!
$1.79.
Wow! That's the biggest tip I've ever got!
Well, there's lots more
where that came from.
Just for delivering groceries?
Not exactly.
( Doorbell rings )
That must be Harold.
Yeah.
I'll get it.
Mr. Brady?
Uh, yes. Who are you?
Eddie, the delivery boy.
Oh. What do you got?
Well, I didn't bring
any groceries, Mr. Brady.
I came to see Marcia.
You did?
Yes.
Aren't you going to let me in?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Come on in.
Eddie, what are you doing here
at this late hour?
I got here when you told me to.
Isn't that nice?
Well, suppose I go
upstairs and get Marcia.
Wait a minute, Alice.
I think you'd better let me handle this.
Of course, Mr. Brady.
Well, I'll be upstairs
with the other children
in case there's any good news to tell.
Um come on, Ed, sit down.
( Doorbell rings )
Uh, Eddie, I'm expecting someone.
Now, you just make yourself comfortable
and I'll be right with you.
Joey?!
Is anything wrong, Mr. Brady?
Uh, no, no. I was just
expecting someone else.
Come on in.
Greg, there's somebody here to see you!
Well, I didn't come to see Greg.
Who did you come to see?
Marcia.
Joey, I think you'd better come sit down.
You two know each other?
Yeah. Hi.
Hi, Eddie. Hi, Joey.
Evening, Mrs. Brady.
Hi, Mrs. Brady.
Sit down, boys.
( Whispers ): What's going on?
( Whispers ): I don't know.
I thought that they were
( doorbell rings )
Oh, it's Harold.
Another county heard from.
Hi, Eddie. Hi, Joey.
Hi, Marcia.
Hi.
Harold?
What are you doing here?
I uh I
Harold, why don't you take a seat there
with the others in the bullpen?
Marcia, I think we ought to have
a little talk alone.
Now?
Marcia
Mother, please, you're
both embarrassing me.
Marcia
Mother, please, I'd like
to see what they want.
Come on, honey.
We'll be in the den.
We should have told her.
Well, we tried to.
I guess it was a bad idea to begin with.
No, it couldn't have been that bad
if three people in the same house
had the same idea.
Well, maybe it'll all work out.
Maybe only one of them
will ask her. Maybe
MARCIA: So you've all
been bribed, all of you!
Good night!
( Footsteps head upstairs )
I'd better go upstairs and talk to her.
I'd better say something
to her male visitors
and I'm not sure what.
Miss, I'd like to return this dress.
Oh, uh, doesn't it fit?
Oh, it fits doesn't fit me.
Not that it matters.
Would you be interested
in something else?
( Sighing ): A volume
on child psychology
without braces.
Stop brooding, Mike.
Marcia's a very sensible girl.
She'll get over it.
I know.
The question is, can I get
over the disappointment?
Well, we did all we could.
Maybe too much.
There'll be other dances.
I guess you're right.
( Doorbell rings )
Alice is there.
I'd better go.
The stag line may be forming again.
Hi, Alan, how are you?
Hello, Mr. Brady.
What's new?
Nothing much.
Alice went up to get Marcia.
Your daughter sure spends
a lot of time upstairs.
( laughing ): That's the way girls are.
When are you leaving with your parents?
We're not going; That's what
I came to tell Marcia.
You mean you are going
to take her to the dance?
You bet. That's what I want to tell her.
Did you hear that, Marcia?
Yeah.
How much are they paying you?
Paying me? Who?
What are you talking about?
Why are you going to
take me to the dance?
Gee, Marcia, that's a silly question.
Tell me, Alan, I want to know.
I want to take you to the dance
'cause I like you.
I really like you.
Marcia, you act real crazy
sometimes, but you're still
the grooviest-looking
girl in the whole school.
Thanks, Alan.
Will you go with me?
I'm so happy, I could cry.
What, again?
That's what young ladies are made of.
( Chuckles )
Miss, Miss, yesterday
I returned a party dress.
Yes, I well remember.
It's black, white, with a pink
for a young girl.
You said it wasn't quite your size.
Well, have you sold it yet?
No, it's still here.
Oh, good. I want to buy it back again.
You must have found your volume
on child psychology.
No. It's just that Alan's family
decided not to go out of town after all.
See what happened was
If it ends well, there's no need to explain.
And I'm sure it will end well.
If the girl wears this
She'll look like a dream.
Ar-Are you real sure
you want to go with me?
Of course I do.
Why shouldn't I?
I flew over the handlebars of my bike
nearly knocked all my teeth out.
I've got to wear these things
until the roots get strong again.
( Giggling )
You know, I'd go through it all over again
just to see the expressions on their faces
as they went out the door.
I felt like crying.
( Chuckles )
That must run in the family.
Mike Hmm?
Would you love me
if I had to wear braces?
Every chance I got.
( Chuckles )