Leave It to Beaver (1957) s01e21 Episode Script

1
("Leave it to Beaver" theme music)
[Announcer] Leave It To Beaver.
Starring Barbara Billingsley, Hugh Beaumount, Tony Dow,
and Jerry Mathers as The Beaver.
(sighing)
Oh what a struggle just to get him to wash his face.
Ward do you think The Beaver will ever reach the point
where he'll want to be clean?
I wouldn't be surprised.
Look at the change in Wally.
Yes, how about that?
What do you suppose happened all of a sudden?
Oh there's an old saying dear
when girls come in the door dirt goes out the window.
Dear, and The Beaver's hardly eight.
Looks like we got at least four more years of dirt.
(gentle music)
Good morning Mrs. Cleaver.
Hello Eddie.
I've came to pick up Wally.
Fine, come on in.
We're going to the movies.
Wally!
Do you think I look all right Mrs. Cleaver?
Why yes you look very nice.
Thank you.
Hm, smell quite nice too.
Oh, that's my aftershave lotion.
Why Eddie do you shave?
No, but I like to smell like I do.
Yes.
Wally, Eddie Haskell's here.
[Wally] I'll be down in a minute.
Eddie you can wait in the living room.
Thank you very much Mrs. Cleaver.
Now you sure I look all right?
Yes Eddie you look fine.
Good, 'cause we're going to the movies you know?
So you said.
Hm.
That was Eddie Haskell.
You know he looks so neat
and he smells so neat it frightens me.
Yeah I think some of it must be rubbing off on Wally too.
I got him using a finger nail file last week.
On his fingernails?
Um hm.
Last time the boy borrowed my fingernail file he used it
to file the date off a penny.
Well, from pennies to fingernails, that's progress.
You know what's funny?
What's funny?
The human male goes through three stages.
From a messy little boy in dirty jeans
and a sweatshirt to a neat young man.
He gets married and he goes right back
to the dirty jeans and the sweatshirt.
Well dear, married men being neat is like running
for a bus after you've caught it.
Ha, ha, ha aren't we kitchen comedian though?
Goodbye Mom, we're going to the movies.
Bye Dad.
- Bye.
- Bye Mr. Cleaver.
You're doing a real neat job there.
Thank you very much Eddie.
Come on Eddie.
Boys, wait a minute.
What about The Beaver?
Well gee Mom he's not around.
But you promised to take The Beaver
and Larry Mondello to the movies with you.
Now you can wait a bit.
Gee Mrs. Cleaver, it's almost 1 o'clock now.
Yeah, and if we don't hurry up
and get there we'll only be able
to see the double feature once.
Yeah June they gotta get there in time to ruin their eyes.
Now boys you can wait a few minutes.
Okay Mom.
I don't mind waiting at all Mrs. Cleaver.
(audience laughing)
Hey Wally, hope you think I don't wait
for those grubby little creeps?
Well Mom wants us to.
Yeah, but,
with them hanging around how are we gonna talk
to any girls in the movies?
Yeah, and if we don't hurry up
and get there there's not gonna be any good ones left
to sit with.
Your messy little brother's bad enough,
but that Larry Mondello,
when you're talking to a girl he sits behind you
and makes those crazy noises.
(sucking) (popping)
Hi Wally, we're all set to go.
Well it's about time.
Maybe we could ask your mother for something
to eat first?
Hey Wally, look at these two goons.
What's the matter with us?
Yeah, what's the matter?
What's the matter?
You're a couple of little slobs.
Well, maybe I got a little mud on me,
but I had to wait for Larry.
He had to take a bath this morning.
Yeah I did, in the tub.
What have you been doing Beaver,
wrestling in the dirt?
Course not Wally.
Me and Larry just took a short cut through the storm drain.
Well boys, you all set?
Oh Beaver look at you, you're so dirty.
I didn't notice.
He looks all right to me Mrs. Cleaver.
I'm sure he does Larry.
Beaver you're gonna go upstairs and get cleaned up
before you go anywhere.
Gee, have I got to?
You certainly do.
I think I'll stay down here.
I don't even like to watch a guy get washed.
Come on Beaver I'll go with you
to make sure you put a clean shirt on.
You don't really wanna go to the movies,
do you Mondello?
Sure you don't Larry the picture's no good.
I know it's no good.
I already seen it.
Then why do you wanna go for?
'Cause.
Cause why?
'Cause me and Beaver wanna sit behind ya.
(whistling)
Why you dirty little.
You're really gonna get it.
Hey fellas I uh thought you were going to the movies.
We were Dad, but Beaver had to go up and get washed.
I don't know why Mr. Cleaver,
he was hardly dirty at all.
He was really a mess Mr. Cleaver.
Well, men I'll tell you.
When it comes
to neatness this younger generation is really a problem.
(audience laughing)
Boy they sure are Dad.
So long Dad!
Come on fellas let's go!
[June] Theodore, you come back here,
why you didn't even dry yourself.
There's a breeze out Mom,
I'll dry myself on the way to the movies.
(door banging)
(gentle music)
Dear believe me it'll work.
If we start praising Wally in front of The Beaver
for being neat Beaver will get the idea.
All kids want the approval of their parents.
Well, I just hate to see ya force it.
Maybe The Beaver will out grow being sloppy?
Oh June, that's not the modern approach.
You can't wait for kids to out grow things.
No?
No, you have to send them to orthodontists,
psychologists, they've even got experts
to teach children how to play.
No self respecting parent would dream
of relying on nature anymore.
Well, I just hope you don't hurt The Beaver's feelings
by praising Wally.
Well, all I can say is it works down at the office.
Every time we have a sales meeting we praise the fellas
who've gone over their quotas.
Then the guys
who have been kinda dragging along get the idea
and they get out there and really start hitting the ball.
They always do that?
No, about half of them quit.
But it's the principal of the thing.
Look dear, just let me handle this.
Believe me it'll work.
All right.
Ward why do you always put the silverware backwards?
Oh that's a hang over from my prep school days.
We always did it that way.
It was our method of striking back at the social order.
Is dinner ready?
I could eat a horse.
I could eat an elephant.
Well let's just start with the soup shall we?
(audience laughing)
(clearing throat)
Well Wally, you certainly look great tonight,
so neat and clean.
Thanks Dad.
Let's have a look at you Beaver.
I washed my face and hands.
You seemed to have overlooked your wrists.
[Beaver] Gee Dad, you gotta stop some place,
otherwise I might as well take a whole bath.
(audience laughing)
Oh uh, (clearing throat) June,
I was just complimenting Wally
on how well he looks tonight.
[June] Yes he does look very nice.
Don't you think so Beaver?
He looks all right on the outside,
but you oughta see his feet.
(audience laughing)
- Cut it our Beaver.
I took a bath this morning.
Then you oughta see 'em last night.
All right Beaver.
Seriously though Wally,
you're really to be congratulated.
Your hair is combed.
Hey June look at those fingernails.
Very nice Wally.
Mrs. Canfield said I got the cleanest teeth in my class.
(audience laughing)
They just look that was 'cause the rest of ya's so dirty.
They do not!
Yeah, what about the way you keep up our room?
You oughta see it Dad, I'd be better off living with a pig.
Then why don't you get a pig to live with?
I don't have to, I got you.
All right boys, that's enough of that.
Uh, I'm afraid Beaver I have to agree with Wally though.
You see Wally's at the age where he's trying
to be neat and clean both about himself
and about his room,
and well you're just not cooperating.
Mom, do you think I'm a pig too?
Well Beaver, I would like to see you a lot,
well a little bit neater than you are.
(gentle music)
Coffee ready dear?
It's all poured dear.
You know dear?
I'm afraid we hurt The Beavers feelings last night.
Oh we may have hurt him a little bit,
but I think we got the message across.
Well, I wish we could get the message across
with love and kindness.
Oh cheer up June,
if everything else fails we could always resort to that.
(audience laughing)
- Oh Ward.
I gotta get goin'.
Where's The Beaver?
Oh he's upstairs.
He shinning his shoes.
Shine, here don't forget your lunch.
Okay.
Hey, where's your lunchbox Wally?
Gee Dad I'm in the 8th grade.
I'm too big to carry a lunchbox.
Oh.
So long.
Bye.
(door banging)
Well, The Beaver's upstairs shinning his shoes.
Yes.
You know maybe sometimes you do know
what you're talking about.
(audience laughing)
- Thanks a lot.
Hm?
(gentle music)
(audience laughing)
(audience laughing)
Beaver.
(door banging) Honey you're gonna be late.
No I'm not I'm just shinning my shoes.
And you're getting it all over your ankle.
That won't show when I put my sock on.
(audience laughing)
(smacking)
What'd you do cut your finger?
No, I just stuck it with the nail file.
It's not hard being neat, but it hurts a little.
(audience laughing)
Take a look Mom.
And it's that way all the way up,
I took a whole bath.
Well, wonderful.
Mom, take a look at my hair.
I used Wally's hair cram on it.
Hm.
Well I better be goin'.
Bye Mom.
Bye honey.
So long Dad.
So long Beaver.
Hey The Beaver really looks
[June] Ah!
Oh my gosh.
(gentle music)
(audience laughing)
The Beaver looks fine,
but the bathroom never looked worse.
Well uh, the dirt came off The Beaver,
it had to go somewhere else.
That's one of the am usable laws of nature.
(audience laughing)
Oh hi Larry.
Hi Beaver.
You were late for school this morning.
That's on a count of I had to stay home
and get washed up.
That can get you in a lot of trouble.
Larry, how come you eat your cake first?
If I eat the sandwiches first,
I might not have room for the cake.
(audience laughing)
Oh.
Oh.
How come you got cleaned up this morning?
This ain't the day the school nurse looks at us.
I know.
I had to get cleaned up 'cause my brother got cleaned up.
Yeah, I know how it is.
My big brother started to like girls
and he was taking baths all the time.
My parents started to make fun of me,
so I fixed my brother good.
What'd you do Larry?
I told my mother I wanted a room for myself.
Did that make your brother stop taking baths?
No, but they stopped pickin' on me.
If you got your own room,
if it gets dirty you can just close the door,
then there's nobody around to school on ya.
I don't know about moving out on Wally.
I've been with him almost all my life.
It's either that or keeping your room clean all the time.
(whimsical music)
(audience laughing)
You know we're gonna have to get you some drapes in here.
Okay mom.
What are these?
Worms.
(banging)
They can't hurt ya Mom.
They died a coupe weeks ago.
Well why did you bring them in here?
Because me and Wally collected them,
and I didn't wanna get jipped out of my half.
(clanking)
Here's some more of his junk Mom.
All right.
Hey, these are my spurs.
They are not you gived them to me.
You said you were too big to play cowboys anymore.
Well I'm taking them back.
I might wanna play cowboys again sometime.
Go ahead and take your old junk,
I don't want it cluttering up my room anyway.
You know Beaver, this bed's been in our family
for a long time.
It's over 100 years old.
Boy the sheets sure stayed clean didn't they?
(audience laughing)
I put those on this morning.
Going right to bed?
After later.
Mom, are there any lions in the neighborhood?
Lions?
Of course not.
Why?
No reason.
I just thunk I heard one before.
Shall I leave the light on in the hall?
You don't have to Mom.
Well,
(lip smacking)
Goodnight Beaver.
Goodnight Mom.
Beaver.
Yes Mom?
Nothing dear.
(gentle music)
Oh uh dear,
when you dust could you put the
books back in right side up?
I'm fighting the social order.
(audience laughing)
Hey um, Beaver all moved in?
All moved in, lock, stock, and worms.
(clearing throat)
You uh, angry about something?
I'm not angry about anything.
Well then why are you crunching the paper at me?
I'm crunching the paper at you
because of what you did to Wally and The Beaver.
We'll you've turned them against each other.
Oh now June, that'll all work out.
Look The Beaver's just being stubborn.
You give him a night alone in that room
and he'll be so anxious
to get back with Wally he'll even clean himself up.
I think it'll be just the other way around.
The Beaver won't give in until Wally comes down
to his level.
June dear, look Wally's is getting older.
The boys going there separate ways is just one
of those things that has to happen.
Well maybe so.
I just wished you hadn't rushed it.
(paper crunching)
(gentle music)
(clicking)
(audience laughing)
(audience laughing)
(clicking)
(audience laughing)
(clicking)
(cat meowing)
(audience laughing)
(cats meowing)
Wally!
Wally!
Wally!
Wally!
What's the matter Beav?
I just wanted to see if you were all right.
You're not scared are ya?
Are kiddin'?
What's there to be scared of?
Sure that's right, what's there to be scared of?
Well, goodnight.
Night.
Wally!
Sure you're not scared?
Don't be afraid to tell me.
Are you crazy?
Why would I be scared?
Well, you never slept by yourself before.
That's scary to some people.
Well not for me.
How come you're awake then?
'Cause woke me up, that's how come.
Oh yeah, I'm sorry.
Well, goodnight.
Goodnight.
Hey Beaver.
What Wally, what is it?
If you want anything again just holler.
If you want anything you holler to me.
You know something?
It might be a good idea if you stayed in her.
It'd say a lot of yellin' back and forth.
That's right it would!
(audience laughing)
This is a lot better, isn't it Wally.
Yeah.
You know if either one of us feels like yellin',
we can hear each other.
Yeah, sure Beaver.
Well, goodnight.
Hey Beav, you must have had some reason
for getting mad at me and moving out.
I guess I did.
Well what was it?
Well,
all of a sudden you got neat.
Well, what's wrong with that?
Well, it made me look dirty.
And then you kidded me and called me a pig.
Well gee Dad kidded ya too.
He's our father, he's allowed to kid us.
You're just my brother.
Well, I didn't mean to make you look bad by being neat.
It's just one of those things.
Wally I was just thinkin'.
Thinkin' what?
Well maybe if you were a little bit sloppier
and I was a little bit neater, it just might work out.
Yeah, we'll give it a try.
We better get to sleep now.
Yeah.
Goodnight.
Goodnight Wally.
(gentle music)
We'll see how Wally is,
then we'll look in on The Beaver.
Ward, Beaver's back.
Yeah how do you like that?
But they were so angry at each other.
Why, Wally called him a pig.
You know June there's a lesson here.
It's a wonderful thing about brothers,
blood is thicker than dirt.
(audience laughing)
(gentle music)
Come on Wally hurry up!
[Wally] I'll be right down.
So long Beaver, so long Larry.
Whoa Wally!
Look at your hair.
Oh I guess I forgot to comb it.
I'll deal with it when we get outside.
I don't want Beaver to know.
(door banging)
Hey Beaver look at your brother,
he's combing his hair.
What do you expect they're going
to the movies and sit with the girls again?
Oh yeah, we could go to the movies too
and sit behind them, but I don't want 'em sockin' me again.
Wally's a pretty good brother,
outside of liking girls and being neat.
And that's why I moved back in with him.
Yeah, not having a room of your own isn't so hot.
Don't you have a room of your own anymore Larry?
Nah, I couldn't sleep.
Me neither!
Anyway my brother got a little lonely all by himself.
Mine too.
Hey, let's go down to the old tunnel and listen
to our echos.
Okay.
I think I'll comb my hair first.
What do you wanna do that for?
It's part of the agreement I made with Wally.
(gentle music)
(whimsical music)