The Troop (2009) s01e21 Episode Script

[crack of thunder]
Evan Yikes.
[laughter]
[thunder cracks]
Aaaaah!
Chucky Really?
So are you in or out?
I'm in.
Chucky Good.
You'll need these.
Remember, you try an sneak out
one minute before sunrise,
you can kiss your Lakewood
Mooses jacket goodbye.
It's the Lakewood Moose.
The plural of Moose is Moose.
Not Mooses.
You want in the gang
or not, smart mouth?
[thunder cracks]
You couldn't have asked
someone before you had
the jackets made up?
Ow!
♪♪♪
[cracks of thunder]
♪♪♪
[muffled howl]
♪♪♪
Man's voice GET OUT!
♪♪♪
[footsteps]
♪♪♪
Forget about the Mooses
Moose,
I'm outta here.
♪♪♪
Arghhh!
Critter And the kid
was never seen again.
Jake Baloney.
That's just an old ghost story
to keep people away
from this place.
Then where'd this come from?
You bought that at Maxi-Mart.
I was right next to you.
Critter Okay, but it
symbolizes the abject horror
that is Chief Everlasting
Curse Hospital.
Right, yeah.
Critter Okay.
If you don't buy it
then you'll have no problem
sleeping here in this
hospital all night.
What?
Critter Come on, Jake.
It's been forever since
you hung out with us.
But I was thinking less
spend a night in a creepy
abandoned hospital
and more goofy golf.
Come on, man, what happened
to the Tenacious Trio?
We never called
ourselves that.
But we should have.
Come on, it'll be awesome.
Great.
Awesome.
Critter Besides, I don't
know how much longer
I can put up with New Jake.
What is he doing?
I think he's pulling
his eyelashes out.
Fine.
I'll come.
Tenacious Trio,
back in action.
We never called
ourselves that.
Just go with it.
Jake Shouldn't
we get New Jake?
Omar No, hopefully
he won't even notice.
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
Jake Felix, do you mind
if I use your doll bag
for a camping trip tonight?
First of all,
I don't have dolls.
Does a doll do this?
I will feast on the
organs of the insolent!
Doll?
I don't think so.
Sleepy time, Gorthar.
Back to beddie.
I will brush your
hair in the morning.
Very well argued, Felix.
Camping trip, huh?
Where to?
Critter and Omar thought it
would be fun to spend the night
at the old Chief Everlasting
Curse Hospital and I've been
feeling guilty lately about
not spending time with them.
I mean, they are
my best friends.
Both Chief Everlasting
Curse Hospital?
They are your best friends?
Come on, you know
what I mean, Felix?
I've known them forever.
Yeah, I know exactly
what you mean.
Felix is a victim of
the seniority system.
Again.
[whimpers]
Hayley Pretty brave of you
to spend the night there.
They say it was built on
an Indian burial ground
and now it's haunted by the
ghosts of a thousand Mohawks.
But, as long as you're
with your best friends,
you'll be fine.
Stockley I wouldn't do it.
Why would I be
afraid of ghosts?
We're monster hunters.
What are you talking about?
Ghosts are terrifying.
Why would you even
believe in ghosts?
You're a man of science.
Exactly, monsters I can
scientifically explain
but ghosts are supernatural.
They come from a world of the
hoo-doos and heebee-jeebees.
Thanks for clearing that up.
I heard Theo Barbas
did the sleep-over
and he's been speaking
in tongues ever since.
Jake Theo?
He's Greek.
He's a foreign exchange student.
Yikes.
I'm going to have to apologize
to his parents about
that letter I sent.
[waa waa waa sound on PDA]
Uh-oh.
Um, what is that?
That's the sound of someone
being held back a grade.
Means I'm going to have
to go talk to his parents.
That's the sound they use?
It's a cruel system.
Uh-ha.
Critter Jake, my man.
This is going to be classic.
I hope you brought a rubber
sheet because you're gonna
pee your pants.
Man, why didn't you tell me
to bring a rubber sheet?
You know I have them.
Come on, guys, can't we do
something more mature like
put fake puke in the food court
and let the good times roll?
Fake puke was
so two years ago.
I don't think you're
any fun anymore.
Should we give
him the fun test?
Fun test?
♪♪♪
[fart sound]
[laughter]
Looks like he passed.
Never fails.
No matter what's going on,
that will crack anyone.
♪♪♪
Mr. Fisher Coming!
Can I help you?
Stockley Mr. Fisher,
I'm Mr. Stockley the Assistant
Vice-Principal at Lakewood High.
Mr. Stockley, no need
for introductions.
What an honor.
A realeducator in our home.
I have to say, this
is really exciting.
Well, thank you, I
You know, just last week
we had a visit from man
who won a cow
by keeping his hand
up on it the longest.
I mean, that was a treat,
but this, this is something.
Well, the reason
that I'm here is
Wait, wait, wait.
Can I ask you a question?
Well, maybe I should
tell you why I'm here
How do you feel
about pot pie?
Well, I'm a big fan but
Mr. Fisher Honey!
Bring in some of those pot
pies for our special guest.
Mr. Fisher, the reason
I'm here is that I
Is that Camp Winnepasacket?
Mr. Fisher Yeah, 1981.
I was there in 1981.
You were
a Winnepasacket Beaver?
Yeah.
Well, then you should
know the secret handshake.
Ha, it's been a while but
Yeah, how long?
[grunts]
Beaver, Beaver!
Naa naa naa!
Come here.
[laughter]
Jake This is stupid.
Why don't we do something else?
Critter You
chickening out, Collins?
Omar New Jake wouldn't
have been scared.
Really?
You're comparing me
to the guy who was licking
a pay-phone earlier?
Whatever, Jake.
If you can't run with the big
dogs, stay out of the kitchen.
Ahhh!
Spiders! Spiders!
Don't go in there, guys!
What just happened?
I don't know
but he just took the toaster
pastries with him so,
get ready to rough it.
Ah, man!
♪♪♪
The trick is not to let your
imagination get the best of you.
You think the walls are stained
with blood but that's a fantasy.
This was a hospital so the walls
were probably stained with
well, actually, blood
and pus.
Just don't let the fear in.
[creak]
[sigh]
Where are you going?
Critter!
There you are.
Critter?
Critter?
What's wrong with you?
[watchcom beeps]
Hayley Jake?
Oh, yeah, he calls you
but he doesn't call me.
[sigh] Jake, what's up?
I'm at the hospital
but something's wrong.
I think you guys
need to come down.
I'm with Critter but he's
likefrozen or something.
Okay, Jake, just
tell me what happened.
I'm not sure, I
[shriek]
[static]
[crack of thunder]
Felix I'm just saying,
if I see anything, a phantom,
apparition, orb, my Grandpa
Pep-Pep Louise, I'm out.
Fine.
Or a clown.
Or a clown with
lobsters for feet.
Or beehives for hands.
That would be horrible.
Felix, it's
Oh, I had to think
of the lobster feet clown
with beehive hands.
Stupid, Felix.
Felix!
I promise you're not going to
see a clown with lobster feet
and beehive hands, okay?
Um, are you ready?
Yeah, let me just put
my night-vision goggles on.
Sure you don't want a pair?
Makes things a lot less creepy.
I'm fine.
Fine.
Your loss.
Ahh!
Ghost!
A ghost!
Oh, it's you.
Thank goodness.
[nervous laugh]
Ahhh!
Yep.
♪♪♪
[tap tap tap]
♪♪♪
[sigh]
"In the memory of the poor
souls who were lost on this spot
in the 1937 Hospital Explosion,
the 1940 Hospital Fire,
the 1949 Hospital Horror
and the three brave men who
died putting up this plaque."
Huh? I guess it's probably
a pretty safe place now.
[evil laugh]
[laughs]
And then, to top it all off,
I stole some stupid kids shorts
while he was skinny dipping
and tied them to the top
of the flag pole.
Those were my clothes.
Well, technically,
it was my friend Danny
that did the stealing.
No, no, I'm glad you
stole my clothes because
something great happened.
Hm?
I got pneumonia.
I almost died.
Oh, that's great.
No no, the great part
is what happened after.
I met Sara in the infirmary.
My wife!
You're the reason
we're together.
Mr. Stockley, everything
in my life I owe to you.
The two things I value
most in this world.
The love of my family and
my son doing well in school.
[gulp]
What is he staring at?
Ahhh!
[Hayley then Jake screams]
What are you trying to do?
I almost peed myself.
Again?
Felix That was lemonade.
The cup was leaking,
I told you that.
Thank goodness
you guys are here.
We didn't know what happened.
You're watchcom went dead.
Yeah, it's been acting
funny ever since
I dropped it in some oatmeal.
Water resistant is not the same
thing as breakfast resistant.
What happened to Critter?
Jake I don't know.
Something spooked him
and I found him like this.
Well, he's alive.
His pupils are moving
at an accelerated rate.
He seems to be in some
sort of R.E.M. state.
I'm entering all this
into my Troop mini-computer.
I'll see what I get.
R.E.M. state,
frozen in fear,
haunts old buildings
andenter.
[commercial jingle]
Well, what's it say?
They make me
watch an ad first.
[commercial jingle]
Okay, here we go.
It says we're dealing with
a Mind Flare, a Ilithid
or a Wraith.
What's the reading?
High levels of an unknown
neuro-toxic vapor.
It wasn't me.
Hayley Bingo!
Got a Wraith on our hands.
A Wraith?
A creature that uses a vapor
to take over your brain and
make you see your worst fears.
Is Critter going to be okay?
Critter will be fine as long
as he has a strong mind.
Oh no!
We have to hurry.
Hayley You're right.
If people stay under the spell
too long their minds
can't take it
and they remain in
this state forever.
We need to split up and find
the source of the vapor.
Felix Great.
We're in an abandoned hospital
and we're splitting up.
Why don't I ever get a vote?
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
[echoing groans]
Okay, I'm cool.
I'm cool.
Totally chilled.
One cool cat.
Icy.
♪♪♪
[bees buzz]
[evil laughter]
Oh, Hayley, you promised.
[evil laugh]
[crack of thunder]
Jake, Jake!
That's not going to work.
It works on my Grandfather
but usually wakes up screaming
and tries to bite my face.
We should get going.
I don't know how long we have
before the horror of the visions
break Felix's mind.
♪♪♪
Just remember, anything
we see isn't real.
[hiss]
Take this snake for instance,
if I were a weaker dude,
I'd be terrified right now.
Since I can see it too,
doesn't that mean it's real?
[hiss]
Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!
Argh!
Ahem.
Great.
Monsters plus snakes.
This hospital's got everything.
[echoing groan]
It's coming from in there.
I'll do a snake check before
you enter there, tough guy.
Hey, I think we're okay, Jake.
No snakes.
[slam]
Jake!
♪♪♪
[door slams]
Mr. Stockley?
Hayley, you've missed
a lot of homework.
Homework?
What homework?
I missed all of this?
Oh, that's just
the tip of the iceberg.
Let me get the rest.
♪♪♪
[evil laugh]
[papers rustle]
[wind howls]
It's not real!
It's not real!
[papers rustle]
Jake I'm not afraid
of snakes,
my scream was meant
as a friendly warning.
Hayley?
Stockley Thank you kindly for
the delicious meal, Mr. Fisher,
but I should probably
tell you why I'm here
Hold on, hold on.
The wife and I are thinking
of re-upping our nuptials
this winter.
How would you feel about
replacing my brother
as my best man?
Honey, where's the creme brules?
Hmm!
You were saying?
Why should we ruin dessert
with talk about business,
right brother?
Brother.
Come on, Hayley.
Snap out of it.
Echoing voice Jake!
♪♪♪
Keep it together, man.
Echoing voice
It's your turn, Jake!
Ughhuh?
♪♪♪
Huh!
Hayley!
Wake up!
Felix!
Critter!
♪♪♪
[cracks and pops]
Critter, Felix, Hayley!
Get out of there!
♪♪♪
[cracks and pops]
[zaps]
[cracks and rumble]
Critter!
Hayley You're suppose
to save us, Jake.
You're suppose to be a hero.
We trusted you with our lives.
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
[rumble, clang]
[heavy breaths]
I can't.
I made a sculpture
of us, Jake.
A sculpture.
[cracks and pops]
Ahh!
[cracks and pops]
[Hayley screams]
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
[fart sounds]
Hah.
Hayley, it's not real.
Can you hear me?
It's not real.
[paper rustles]
These aren't due
'til next week.
Ohh
Wake up.
It's all an illusion like
when I screamed girlishly
about the snake.
It's not real.
Jake?
It's me.
There you are.
Let's get out of here.
Felix, I need you
to wake up, right now.
This is all an illusion.
It can't hurt you, Felix.
And I wouldn't let it
hurt you if it could.
You're my best friend.
[gasp]
[pants]
You did it, Jake.
You saved us.
Yeah, you're the best friend
a guy could ask for.
And I'm going to pay you
back by signing us up
to Irish step dancing.
On me!
Your best bud.
Okay, take it easy.
[echoing screech]
Hayley It's the Wraith.
We don't have our
utility belts and
I don't know where
our circuitrons are.
The Wraith must
have hidden them.
Jake Stay away from us.
[snap]
[bursts of fart sounds]
[boom]
♪♪♪
Let's take a look
at this big, ugly
[Wraith chirps]
Um?
This is the Wraith?
Boy, his hoodie's
way too big for him.
[whimpers]
Hayley Aw, I kind of feel bad
for the cute little thing
That's for the clown ghost,
you vicious little jerk.
Hope you rot in prison!
Not cute to everyone.
Well, this is an evening
I won't soon forget.
Stockplease,
you're family.
Isn't he?
MeeMaw knitted you
this during dinner.
Thanks again, everybody.
Oh, by the way, Richard Junior
has to repeat ninth grade.
See you at the wedding.
Hayley How are we going
to bring Critter back?
Felix We'll have
to get him back to HQ.
It's an incredibly elaborate
and scientific process.
It may take a days
[fart sound]
[laughs]
or there's that.
Man, that is
hysterical, classic.
Hey, Hayley, what
are you doing here?
And who's the geek?
This 'geek'
is my best friend.
Yeah!
Ha ha, number one!
Eat dust, Critter.
I don't see you
with best friend
barbeque aprons.
♪♪♪