Leave It to Beaver (1957) s01e22 Episode Script
The Perfect Father
1
Well I picked this up for you downtown this afternoon.
Gee, thanks dad.
Incidentally, it's regulation.
Gee dad, that's swell.
But you didn't have to go to all that trouble.
Yeah, it's just as easy to play at the Dennison's.
I know that, Beaver.
But sometimes I like to have you play over here.
Your mother likes to know where you are.
You know, Wally, I think it's dad
that likes to know where we are.
("Leave it to Beaver" theme music)
[Announcer] Leave It To Beaver.
Starring Barbara Billingsley, Hugh Beaumont,
Tony Dow and Jerry Mathers as The Beaver.
(cheerful music)
Well shall I tell the boys to get ready for supper?
Boys are going out tonight.
We're eating in here.
Oh well that's a good idea.
I mean why mess up the dining room just for me.
Just what I thought.
(audience laughing)
Where are the boys going?
Hey that looks edible.
(metal banging)
Mr. Dennison's taking them to the
sportsman show with his boy.
Ah, that's nice of Dennison.
(metal banging)
They're spending a lot of time
over at the Dennison's lately.
When they get home they're always talking
about Mr. Dennison.
I wonder when they're over at the Dennison's
if they talk about me.
Well what would they say, dear?
(audience laughing)
Well they could
I'll have to think of something.
(audience laughing)
Oh bye mom, bye dad.
We're gone.
Yeah, we told Mr. Dennison we'd be there
by seven o'clock.
Well goodbye fellows.
Have fun.
Okay mom.
Say fellows,
I thought we'd talked about going to the sportsman
show together?
Sure dad, but we waited all week.
Tonight's the last night.
Every time we asked you, you were kind of busy.
Yeah, I guess Mr. Dennison isn't as busy
as you is, dad.
(audience laughing)
Yeah, I guess not.
Well don't bother to wait up for us.
We'll climb in the window or something.
(audience laughing)
You'll do no such thing.
We'll wait up.
Well so long.
Goodbye fellows, have fun.
[Beaver] So long mom, so long dad.
So long.
Nice of Mr. Dennison to take the boys
to the sportsman show.
Yes it was, very nice.
Except
Except what?
Well nothing,
I just wish I hadn't been that busy this week.
You've been that busy for two or three weeks now.
They've been going over to the Dennison's a lot.
I sure hope they haven't found a home away from home.
I hope they haven't found a father away from father.
(audience laughing)
Oh, our dinner.
Hey aren't these boats neat, Beaver?
Remember, Mohawk Canoes.
Hey Wally, you think the guy that gave us
this folder at the sportsman show
is a real Indian?
[Wally] Nah.
Why not?
He had real feathers and everything.
Yeah, but I saw him at the auto show last month.
He was wearing a tuxedo and taking tickets.
(audience laughing)
Hi dad.
[Beaver] Hi dad.
Hi.
Say now, fellows, you don't wanna leave all this trash
lying around for your mother to pick up.
Gee dad, that ain't trash.
That's a lot of valuable junk.
(audience laughing)
Oh.
Yeah, and we got it at the sportsman show last night.
Mr. Dennison gave us money and we bought
hot dogs and hamburgers and popcorn
and a lot of junk.
It was swell.
I almost got sick in the car on the way home.
(audience laughing)
Sounds like a fabulous evening.
Well say fellows,
I was just wondering if you're not too tired
how'd you like to take a run up to Friends Lake
for a little fishing today?
Gee dad, we'd like to.
But we gotta be at the Dennison's by ten o'clock.
The Dennison's?
Yeah, us and all the guys are gonna play basketball
with Willie Dennison.
Well but Beaver, surely you don't play basketball
with all those big fellows?
Oh sure.
They let me get the ball when it goes in the bushes.
(audience laughing)
Oh.
Well why don't you have all the fellows over here to play
like you used to?
Mr. Dennison put up a brand new basket
with a blackboard behind it.
(audience laughing)
Yeah, dad, and it's basketball season.
They're having try outs at school
and we wanna get in all the practice we can.
And Mr. Dennison don't care that we yell.
(audience laughing)
- I see.
Well I hope you have a fine day at the Dennison's.
You know something Wally?
[Wally] What?
I still think it was a real Indian.
Even if he was wearing a tuxedo at the auto show.
(audience laughing)
What time are you and boys leaving for the lake?
Oh we're not going.
They're going over to the Dennison's
to play basketball.
Well dear why don't they ever come over here and play?
Well because we don't have a basket
with a blackboard behind it.
And because that all American father, Mr. Dennison,
doesn't care how loud they yell.
(audience laughing)
Oh.
Hey June?
Yes?
You wouldn't wanna go fishing, would you?
Oh dear I'd love to.
But I have to go shopping.
(audience laughing)
(whimsical music)
(hammer tapping)
(car horn honking)
[Ward] Oh hi dear.
What are you doing up there?
I'm building a soccer goal, dear.
(audience laughing)
Oh you are not.
That's one of those thingamajigs for basketball.
I must have put up hundreds of those
all over the South Pacific when I was in the sea bees.
Well, guess we all contributed to victory
in our own way.
(audience laughing)
Hey, got a lot of stuff today.
Not so much.
I only went 12 dollars over the food budget.
Oh, good, good.
Thank you.
Ward, that backboard out there.
You're not trying to compete with Mr. Dennison, are you?
Well of course not, June.
That's the farthest thing from my mind.
(audience laughing)
Where are you going?
Oh I'm gonna call the Dennison's.
Isn't it about time for the boys to come home for lunch?
Ah ha.
Now I get your little plot.
They come home for lunch.
They see the new backboard,
they stay here and play with all their little friends
and you score 10 points on Mr. Dennison.
I'll teach him to try and be a father to my kids.
(audience laughing)
(indistinct chattering)
(kids cheering)
(indistinct chattering)
Come on, shoot.
Hustle up!
Yeah, come on Eddie.
Shh, quiet down.
I gotta sink this.
Shh, shh, quiet.
Joe Pro is shooting.
(kids laughing)
There's something wrong with that backboard,
I tell you.
Yeah, there's something wrong with the backboard.
That's it.
Oh sure there is.
Well you go show him, Twoey.
(laughing)
(kids cheering)
Come on Twoey, show them how to do it.
(kids cheering)
It's just luck.
Ah, that's more like it.
Nice to see the boys playing over here again, huh?
Hey, that's Willie Dennison out there.
Uh huh.
You making sandwiches for them?
Yes, and I must remember not to put mayonnaise on Eddie's.
He's informed me he's allergic to it.
(audience laughing)
[Beaver] Let go of that ball, Eddie!
Let go, Eddie!
Come on Eddie, let go!
(kids yelling)
Hey, watch who you're shoving him into, Eddie.
Oh that Eddie Haskell.
Oh.
Just for that I'm gonna put mayonnaise on his sandwich.
(audience laughing)
That's my girl.
(audience laughing)
(kids shouting)
Come on Eddie!
(kids laughing)
Wanna borrow my glasses, Eddie?
Yeah, maybe you could see better with them.
(laughing)
I'm telling you guys.
There's something wrong with that backboard.
[Kids] Oh sure.
You got a tape measure?
Sure, there's one in the garage.
(cheerful music)
(indistinct chatter)
(children chattering)
Just as I thunk.
This goofy basket's a foot too low.
It's only nine feet high.
Looks 100 feet high from down here.
(audience laughing)
No wonder I couldn't ever make it.
Yeah, so what?
Let's choose up and have a game.
Not me, I'm going out for forward at school.
I don't wanna ruin my shooting now
with a basket that's not regulation.
That's right,
we should be shooting at the right size basket.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Well maybe my father couldn't put it any higher.
That's tough.
Come on Willie, let's go over to your house.
Your backboard's official.
Yeah, let's go back over there.
Is that all right with you other guys?
I guess so.
[Willie] It's all right with me.
How about you Wally?
Well, I guess I'll go along too.
It's all right with me too.
Well if it's all right with Beaver, it's unanimous.
It's gotta be all right with him.
Oh hi mom.
Hi Mrs. Cleaver.
Gee that's a nice sweater.
(audience laughing)
Thank you Eddie.
Wally, I made you boys a tray of sandwiches.
Thanks, we'll take them along.
We're going over to Willie Dennison's to play.
Well I thought you were all having fun here.
We were, but Eddie measured the basket
and it's a foot too low.
The guys wanna play on one that's regulation height.
Eddie measured it?
Yes, Mrs. Cleaver.
Your husband put it up wrong.
(audience laughing)
Come on guys.
Wally?
Don't forget to give Eddie his sandwich.
Okay (audience laughing)
(whimsical music)
What's the matter?
Where are the boys going?
Back to the Dennison's.
Well why?
They were having such a good time here.
They were until Eddie Haskell measured the basket.
That said it's a foot too low or something.
A foot too
Oh for Pete's sake!
I just put it up for them to fool around with.
I didn't think they were gonna put a micrometer on it.
Well maybe that's part of Mr. Dennison's
irresistible charm.
He measures things.
Ward, don't be upset about this.
My goodness, you've been busy lately
and the boys have just got in the habit
of playing over at the Dennison's.
Well it's a habit I don't want my children
getting in the habit of.
You gonna raise the basket?
If I have to, I'll lower the garage.
(audience laughing)
(whimsical music)
(whimsical music)
Boy my arm's tired from shooting baskets
over at Willie's.
I'm tired too.
I must have gotten that ball out of the bushes
a million times.
(audience laughing)
You think Eddie will get on the team?
I don't know.
For a guy with great form
he's the worst player I've ever seen.
(audience laughing)
Bet Twoey's twice as good.
And he doesn't even look at the basket.
Boy that Eddie's a character.
Over here at our house when he missed
he blamed it on the basket.
Over the Dennison's he claimed it was because
he ate mayonnaise.
(audience laughing)
Oh hi dad.
Hi.
Say Wally, you're going to ruin your eyes.
Yes dad.
Oh by the way fellows,
sorry about that basket this afternoon.
I should have known better.
I used to play basketball myself.
We know dad.
We've seen your pictures in those old college books.
Yeah, they sure wore pretty pants in those days.
(audience laughing)
Well, styles change Beaver.
Anyway, I was still pretty fast on the court.
I picked this up for you downtown this afternoon.
Gee, thanks dad.
Incidentally, it's regulation.
Boy it's neat.
Oh by the way, the basket is regulation now, too.
I raised it a foot.
So if you fellows want to play basketball over here
you don't have to worry about losing your shooting eye.
Gee dad, that's swell.
But you didn't have to go to all that trouble.
Yeah, it's just as easy to play at the Dennison's.
I know that Beaver,
but sometimes I like to have you play over here.
Your mother likes to know where you are.
(audience laughing)
You know Wally, I think it's dad
that likes to know where we are.
Yeah, you know Beav he's been working at home
these past weekends and I didn't think
he wanted us around to bother him.
But maybe we kind of owe it to him to bother him.
Yeah, I guess so.
But Wally, we're supposed to meet the guy
over at the Dennison's tomorrow.
Well, we're gonna play over here
and if the guys don't like it, they can lump it.
Yeah, and if they don't like it
we can choose up sides between ourselves and play.
(playful music)
(children chattering)
Hey, you try Willie.
(children shouting)
Come on Eddie.
(children cheering)
Come on Eddie, shoot it.
Ah come on Eddie.
Let's see you sink it now.
(children chattering)
You have no excuses.
It's regulation height.
(children cheering)
(children laughing)
Maybe I ought to check the air in the ball.
It's regulation air.
(kids laughing)
Regulation air!
Oh dry up.
(children cheering)
Come on shoot it.
(children cheering)
(children cheering)
I'll get it!
I can't understand it.
I had it lined up perfect.
(children laughing)
It's all right, it just landed in flowers.
Hurt anything?
No it just got a little bit muddy.
You better wipe it off.
Yeah.
Come on shoot up!
(children chattering)
Getting in the game, Beaver?
No, I get to chase the ball once in a while.
Oh.
(children cheering)
Any of you guys ever try a hook shot?
The coach don't want us to try fancy stuff yet,
Mr. Cleaver.
Oh it's not so fancy.
Here let me have the ball.
Come here.
Now the important thing is never try to control the ball
with the palm of your hand.
Always use your fingers, see?
(children cheering)
That was pretty good, Mr. Cleaver.
I scored pretty well with that shot
against Mullenberg.
(audience laughing)
(children cheering)
Wally, Wally, Wally.
No, no.
You haven't got time for that sort of stuff
with a set shot, son.
You gotta come in, sight the basket,
set, let her go.
Here let me try it again.
Well you've got the idea now, huh?
Oh sure Mr. Cleaver.
(children cheering)
Oh no, no, no.
No, Eddie.
Look stop.
Here.
Now.
(whimsical music)
That's 12 in a row.
Oh Ward, please don't overdo it.
See if you control the ball
you can shoot the heel when you're off balance.
Let's see which one of you boys
wants to try to do it right, huh?
Well, we're kind of tired Mr. Cleaver.
Yeah, I guess we've had enough basketball.
Yeah, we've had about enough.
Hey, where you guys going?
No place special.
Maybe we'll go over to Willie's house.
[Willie] Wanna come along Wally?
Uh no, I guess me and the Beaver will stay here.
Yeah, I guess me and Wally will stay here.
(audience laughing)
See you.
See you tomorrow Wally.
Bye Beav.
Bye Mr. Cleaver.
So long Chester, so long Twoey.
So long.
Dad?
Yeah Beaver?
Show us the hook shot.
(audience laughing)
Here you try Wally.
Sorry, son.
That's okay, dad.
I wasn't paying attention.
Yeah well look, I have some work to do.
Why don't you fellows go on over to the Dennison's?
You want us to dad?
Sure, go ahead.
Dad?
Yeah Beaver?
Your shirt tail's out.
(audience laughing)
Thanks Beaver.
(slow music)
(audience laughing)
Golf?
I thought you were playing basketball with the boys.
I was,
I was trying to give them a few pointers.
They walked out on me.
You didn't get mad and yell at them did you?
Now June, you know I wouldn't do a thing like that.
Well when you were teaching Beaver how to
catch a baseball,
you ended up mad and he ended up in tears.
That was only because the ball accidentally
hit him on the head.
(audience laughing)
I don't understand it.
They'll play all day over at Dennison's.
They come over here, I try to show them a few things
and they walk out on me.
(audience laughing)
Maybe you're trying too hard.
How can you try too hard to be a good parent?
I don't know,
but it looks like you've mastered it.
(audience laughing)
I'll see you later.
I think I can get more understanding
from the boys in the locker room.
[June] Dear?
What?
Shirt tail's out.
I like it that way. (Audience laughing)
(whimsical music)
Well hi Ward.
Have a good game?
Oh hi Dennison.
Yeah, not bad.
I got in 27 holes.
That last nine I was sure beat, I'll tell you.
Yeah.
Say, Chuck, I wanted to thank you
for being so nice to my boys.
Oh you mean about the sportsman show?
Well I was glad to take them.
Glad they enjoyed themselves.
Well, no I don't mean just about the show.
I mean about the basketball
over at your house and everything.
Oh the kids been playing basketball over at my house?
(audience laughing) I had a fellow come over
and put up one of those backboards.
Glad to know that they're using it.
Well you know from the way the boys talked
I sort of got the impression you were
right out there with them.
Me?
Oh no.
I learned my lesson from my two older boys.
Oh I used to be out there with them
throwing passes, pitching baseballs.
Even tried to teach Roger how to run once.
Imagine trying to teach a 10 year old boy
how to run.
(audience laughing)
Might as well teach a fish how to swim.
Yeah, yeah, I guess so.
By the way I kept after my two older boys
it's a wonder in school they ever went out for sports
at all.
Yeah, of course I've always thought though
that a father should try to teach his boys,
well some things.
You know like how to throw a ball
or catch a pass, things like that.
Well now Ward you weren't a bad athlete in school.
Did your father ever teach you how to catch a baseball?
Well no, I picked that up from other kids.
As a matter of fact I would have been embarrassed
if my father
(audience laughing)
(chuckling)
Chuck, it's amazing how little we learn about children
from our own childhood.
Well, I'm certainly not the all American father.
I've made plenty of mistakes.
But if you ask me,
the secret of getting close to your kids
is to know when to stay away from them.
Well, I gotta get going.
Glad to have run into you Ward.
Yeah, real glad to have run into you, Chuck.
(cheerful music)
Oh dinner will be ready in a few minutes.
Would you tell the boys, please?
Okay.
I think they're playing outside.
Yes they came home from the Dennison's
about a half hour ago.
Dinner will be ready in a few minutes fellows.
Okay, dad, we're just gonna catch a few more.
Beaver, you
Something wrong, dad?
Well, you
(audience laughing)
No, no, not a thing Beaver.
Doing fine.
(whimsical music)
Well how come you didn't join in the game coach?
Oh dear you just don't understand boys.
The way to get close to your kids
is to know when to stay away from them.
Where'd you read that?
I didn't read it.
Chuck Dennison and I were talking about it
over at the club.
And we sort of worked out this bit of philosophy
between us.
(audience laughing)
You know dear, you ought to play golf
with Mr. Dennison more often.
Does wonders for your outlook as a father.
(audience laughing)
(cheerful music)
(cheerful theme music)
(Universal jingle)
Well I picked this up for you downtown this afternoon.
Gee, thanks dad.
Incidentally, it's regulation.
Gee dad, that's swell.
But you didn't have to go to all that trouble.
Yeah, it's just as easy to play at the Dennison's.
I know that, Beaver.
But sometimes I like to have you play over here.
Your mother likes to know where you are.
You know, Wally, I think it's dad
that likes to know where we are.
("Leave it to Beaver" theme music)
[Announcer] Leave It To Beaver.
Starring Barbara Billingsley, Hugh Beaumont,
Tony Dow and Jerry Mathers as The Beaver.
(cheerful music)
Well shall I tell the boys to get ready for supper?
Boys are going out tonight.
We're eating in here.
Oh well that's a good idea.
I mean why mess up the dining room just for me.
Just what I thought.
(audience laughing)
Where are the boys going?
Hey that looks edible.
(metal banging)
Mr. Dennison's taking them to the
sportsman show with his boy.
Ah, that's nice of Dennison.
(metal banging)
They're spending a lot of time
over at the Dennison's lately.
When they get home they're always talking
about Mr. Dennison.
I wonder when they're over at the Dennison's
if they talk about me.
Well what would they say, dear?
(audience laughing)
Well they could
I'll have to think of something.
(audience laughing)
Oh bye mom, bye dad.
We're gone.
Yeah, we told Mr. Dennison we'd be there
by seven o'clock.
Well goodbye fellows.
Have fun.
Okay mom.
Say fellows,
I thought we'd talked about going to the sportsman
show together?
Sure dad, but we waited all week.
Tonight's the last night.
Every time we asked you, you were kind of busy.
Yeah, I guess Mr. Dennison isn't as busy
as you is, dad.
(audience laughing)
Yeah, I guess not.
Well don't bother to wait up for us.
We'll climb in the window or something.
(audience laughing)
You'll do no such thing.
We'll wait up.
Well so long.
Goodbye fellows, have fun.
[Beaver] So long mom, so long dad.
So long.
Nice of Mr. Dennison to take the boys
to the sportsman show.
Yes it was, very nice.
Except
Except what?
Well nothing,
I just wish I hadn't been that busy this week.
You've been that busy for two or three weeks now.
They've been going over to the Dennison's a lot.
I sure hope they haven't found a home away from home.
I hope they haven't found a father away from father.
(audience laughing)
Oh, our dinner.
Hey aren't these boats neat, Beaver?
Remember, Mohawk Canoes.
Hey Wally, you think the guy that gave us
this folder at the sportsman show
is a real Indian?
[Wally] Nah.
Why not?
He had real feathers and everything.
Yeah, but I saw him at the auto show last month.
He was wearing a tuxedo and taking tickets.
(audience laughing)
Hi dad.
[Beaver] Hi dad.
Hi.
Say now, fellows, you don't wanna leave all this trash
lying around for your mother to pick up.
Gee dad, that ain't trash.
That's a lot of valuable junk.
(audience laughing)
Oh.
Yeah, and we got it at the sportsman show last night.
Mr. Dennison gave us money and we bought
hot dogs and hamburgers and popcorn
and a lot of junk.
It was swell.
I almost got sick in the car on the way home.
(audience laughing)
Sounds like a fabulous evening.
Well say fellows,
I was just wondering if you're not too tired
how'd you like to take a run up to Friends Lake
for a little fishing today?
Gee dad, we'd like to.
But we gotta be at the Dennison's by ten o'clock.
The Dennison's?
Yeah, us and all the guys are gonna play basketball
with Willie Dennison.
Well but Beaver, surely you don't play basketball
with all those big fellows?
Oh sure.
They let me get the ball when it goes in the bushes.
(audience laughing)
Oh.
Well why don't you have all the fellows over here to play
like you used to?
Mr. Dennison put up a brand new basket
with a blackboard behind it.
(audience laughing)
Yeah, dad, and it's basketball season.
They're having try outs at school
and we wanna get in all the practice we can.
And Mr. Dennison don't care that we yell.
(audience laughing)
- I see.
Well I hope you have a fine day at the Dennison's.
You know something Wally?
[Wally] What?
I still think it was a real Indian.
Even if he was wearing a tuxedo at the auto show.
(audience laughing)
What time are you and boys leaving for the lake?
Oh we're not going.
They're going over to the Dennison's
to play basketball.
Well dear why don't they ever come over here and play?
Well because we don't have a basket
with a blackboard behind it.
And because that all American father, Mr. Dennison,
doesn't care how loud they yell.
(audience laughing)
Oh.
Hey June?
Yes?
You wouldn't wanna go fishing, would you?
Oh dear I'd love to.
But I have to go shopping.
(audience laughing)
(whimsical music)
(hammer tapping)
(car horn honking)
[Ward] Oh hi dear.
What are you doing up there?
I'm building a soccer goal, dear.
(audience laughing)
Oh you are not.
That's one of those thingamajigs for basketball.
I must have put up hundreds of those
all over the South Pacific when I was in the sea bees.
Well, guess we all contributed to victory
in our own way.
(audience laughing)
Hey, got a lot of stuff today.
Not so much.
I only went 12 dollars over the food budget.
Oh, good, good.
Thank you.
Ward, that backboard out there.
You're not trying to compete with Mr. Dennison, are you?
Well of course not, June.
That's the farthest thing from my mind.
(audience laughing)
Where are you going?
Oh I'm gonna call the Dennison's.
Isn't it about time for the boys to come home for lunch?
Ah ha.
Now I get your little plot.
They come home for lunch.
They see the new backboard,
they stay here and play with all their little friends
and you score 10 points on Mr. Dennison.
I'll teach him to try and be a father to my kids.
(audience laughing)
(indistinct chattering)
(kids cheering)
(indistinct chattering)
Come on, shoot.
Hustle up!
Yeah, come on Eddie.
Shh, quiet down.
I gotta sink this.
Shh, shh, quiet.
Joe Pro is shooting.
(kids laughing)
There's something wrong with that backboard,
I tell you.
Yeah, there's something wrong with the backboard.
That's it.
Oh sure there is.
Well you go show him, Twoey.
(laughing)
(kids cheering)
Come on Twoey, show them how to do it.
(kids cheering)
It's just luck.
Ah, that's more like it.
Nice to see the boys playing over here again, huh?
Hey, that's Willie Dennison out there.
Uh huh.
You making sandwiches for them?
Yes, and I must remember not to put mayonnaise on Eddie's.
He's informed me he's allergic to it.
(audience laughing)
[Beaver] Let go of that ball, Eddie!
Let go, Eddie!
Come on Eddie, let go!
(kids yelling)
Hey, watch who you're shoving him into, Eddie.
Oh that Eddie Haskell.
Oh.
Just for that I'm gonna put mayonnaise on his sandwich.
(audience laughing)
That's my girl.
(audience laughing)
(kids shouting)
Come on Eddie!
(kids laughing)
Wanna borrow my glasses, Eddie?
Yeah, maybe you could see better with them.
(laughing)
I'm telling you guys.
There's something wrong with that backboard.
[Kids] Oh sure.
You got a tape measure?
Sure, there's one in the garage.
(cheerful music)
(indistinct chatter)
(children chattering)
Just as I thunk.
This goofy basket's a foot too low.
It's only nine feet high.
Looks 100 feet high from down here.
(audience laughing)
No wonder I couldn't ever make it.
Yeah, so what?
Let's choose up and have a game.
Not me, I'm going out for forward at school.
I don't wanna ruin my shooting now
with a basket that's not regulation.
That's right,
we should be shooting at the right size basket.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Well maybe my father couldn't put it any higher.
That's tough.
Come on Willie, let's go over to your house.
Your backboard's official.
Yeah, let's go back over there.
Is that all right with you other guys?
I guess so.
[Willie] It's all right with me.
How about you Wally?
Well, I guess I'll go along too.
It's all right with me too.
Well if it's all right with Beaver, it's unanimous.
It's gotta be all right with him.
Oh hi mom.
Hi Mrs. Cleaver.
Gee that's a nice sweater.
(audience laughing)
Thank you Eddie.
Wally, I made you boys a tray of sandwiches.
Thanks, we'll take them along.
We're going over to Willie Dennison's to play.
Well I thought you were all having fun here.
We were, but Eddie measured the basket
and it's a foot too low.
The guys wanna play on one that's regulation height.
Eddie measured it?
Yes, Mrs. Cleaver.
Your husband put it up wrong.
(audience laughing)
Come on guys.
Wally?
Don't forget to give Eddie his sandwich.
Okay (audience laughing)
(whimsical music)
What's the matter?
Where are the boys going?
Back to the Dennison's.
Well why?
They were having such a good time here.
They were until Eddie Haskell measured the basket.
That said it's a foot too low or something.
A foot too
Oh for Pete's sake!
I just put it up for them to fool around with.
I didn't think they were gonna put a micrometer on it.
Well maybe that's part of Mr. Dennison's
irresistible charm.
He measures things.
Ward, don't be upset about this.
My goodness, you've been busy lately
and the boys have just got in the habit
of playing over at the Dennison's.
Well it's a habit I don't want my children
getting in the habit of.
You gonna raise the basket?
If I have to, I'll lower the garage.
(audience laughing)
(whimsical music)
(whimsical music)
Boy my arm's tired from shooting baskets
over at Willie's.
I'm tired too.
I must have gotten that ball out of the bushes
a million times.
(audience laughing)
You think Eddie will get on the team?
I don't know.
For a guy with great form
he's the worst player I've ever seen.
(audience laughing)
Bet Twoey's twice as good.
And he doesn't even look at the basket.
Boy that Eddie's a character.
Over here at our house when he missed
he blamed it on the basket.
Over the Dennison's he claimed it was because
he ate mayonnaise.
(audience laughing)
Oh hi dad.
Hi.
Say Wally, you're going to ruin your eyes.
Yes dad.
Oh by the way fellows,
sorry about that basket this afternoon.
I should have known better.
I used to play basketball myself.
We know dad.
We've seen your pictures in those old college books.
Yeah, they sure wore pretty pants in those days.
(audience laughing)
Well, styles change Beaver.
Anyway, I was still pretty fast on the court.
I picked this up for you downtown this afternoon.
Gee, thanks dad.
Incidentally, it's regulation.
Boy it's neat.
Oh by the way, the basket is regulation now, too.
I raised it a foot.
So if you fellows want to play basketball over here
you don't have to worry about losing your shooting eye.
Gee dad, that's swell.
But you didn't have to go to all that trouble.
Yeah, it's just as easy to play at the Dennison's.
I know that Beaver,
but sometimes I like to have you play over here.
Your mother likes to know where you are.
(audience laughing)
You know Wally, I think it's dad
that likes to know where we are.
Yeah, you know Beav he's been working at home
these past weekends and I didn't think
he wanted us around to bother him.
But maybe we kind of owe it to him to bother him.
Yeah, I guess so.
But Wally, we're supposed to meet the guy
over at the Dennison's tomorrow.
Well, we're gonna play over here
and if the guys don't like it, they can lump it.
Yeah, and if they don't like it
we can choose up sides between ourselves and play.
(playful music)
(children chattering)
Hey, you try Willie.
(children shouting)
Come on Eddie.
(children cheering)
Come on Eddie, shoot it.
Ah come on Eddie.
Let's see you sink it now.
(children chattering)
You have no excuses.
It's regulation height.
(children cheering)
(children laughing)
Maybe I ought to check the air in the ball.
It's regulation air.
(kids laughing)
Regulation air!
Oh dry up.
(children cheering)
Come on shoot it.
(children cheering)
(children cheering)
I'll get it!
I can't understand it.
I had it lined up perfect.
(children laughing)
It's all right, it just landed in flowers.
Hurt anything?
No it just got a little bit muddy.
You better wipe it off.
Yeah.
Come on shoot up!
(children chattering)
Getting in the game, Beaver?
No, I get to chase the ball once in a while.
Oh.
(children cheering)
Any of you guys ever try a hook shot?
The coach don't want us to try fancy stuff yet,
Mr. Cleaver.
Oh it's not so fancy.
Here let me have the ball.
Come here.
Now the important thing is never try to control the ball
with the palm of your hand.
Always use your fingers, see?
(children cheering)
That was pretty good, Mr. Cleaver.
I scored pretty well with that shot
against Mullenberg.
(audience laughing)
(children cheering)
Wally, Wally, Wally.
No, no.
You haven't got time for that sort of stuff
with a set shot, son.
You gotta come in, sight the basket,
set, let her go.
Here let me try it again.
Well you've got the idea now, huh?
Oh sure Mr. Cleaver.
(children cheering)
Oh no, no, no.
No, Eddie.
Look stop.
Here.
Now.
(whimsical music)
That's 12 in a row.
Oh Ward, please don't overdo it.
See if you control the ball
you can shoot the heel when you're off balance.
Let's see which one of you boys
wants to try to do it right, huh?
Well, we're kind of tired Mr. Cleaver.
Yeah, I guess we've had enough basketball.
Yeah, we've had about enough.
Hey, where you guys going?
No place special.
Maybe we'll go over to Willie's house.
[Willie] Wanna come along Wally?
Uh no, I guess me and the Beaver will stay here.
Yeah, I guess me and Wally will stay here.
(audience laughing)
See you.
See you tomorrow Wally.
Bye Beav.
Bye Mr. Cleaver.
So long Chester, so long Twoey.
So long.
Dad?
Yeah Beaver?
Show us the hook shot.
(audience laughing)
Here you try Wally.
Sorry, son.
That's okay, dad.
I wasn't paying attention.
Yeah well look, I have some work to do.
Why don't you fellows go on over to the Dennison's?
You want us to dad?
Sure, go ahead.
Dad?
Yeah Beaver?
Your shirt tail's out.
(audience laughing)
Thanks Beaver.
(slow music)
(audience laughing)
Golf?
I thought you were playing basketball with the boys.
I was,
I was trying to give them a few pointers.
They walked out on me.
You didn't get mad and yell at them did you?
Now June, you know I wouldn't do a thing like that.
Well when you were teaching Beaver how to
catch a baseball,
you ended up mad and he ended up in tears.
That was only because the ball accidentally
hit him on the head.
(audience laughing)
I don't understand it.
They'll play all day over at Dennison's.
They come over here, I try to show them a few things
and they walk out on me.
(audience laughing)
Maybe you're trying too hard.
How can you try too hard to be a good parent?
I don't know,
but it looks like you've mastered it.
(audience laughing)
I'll see you later.
I think I can get more understanding
from the boys in the locker room.
[June] Dear?
What?
Shirt tail's out.
I like it that way. (Audience laughing)
(whimsical music)
Well hi Ward.
Have a good game?
Oh hi Dennison.
Yeah, not bad.
I got in 27 holes.
That last nine I was sure beat, I'll tell you.
Yeah.
Say, Chuck, I wanted to thank you
for being so nice to my boys.
Oh you mean about the sportsman show?
Well I was glad to take them.
Glad they enjoyed themselves.
Well, no I don't mean just about the show.
I mean about the basketball
over at your house and everything.
Oh the kids been playing basketball over at my house?
(audience laughing) I had a fellow come over
and put up one of those backboards.
Glad to know that they're using it.
Well you know from the way the boys talked
I sort of got the impression you were
right out there with them.
Me?
Oh no.
I learned my lesson from my two older boys.
Oh I used to be out there with them
throwing passes, pitching baseballs.
Even tried to teach Roger how to run once.
Imagine trying to teach a 10 year old boy
how to run.
(audience laughing)
Might as well teach a fish how to swim.
Yeah, yeah, I guess so.
By the way I kept after my two older boys
it's a wonder in school they ever went out for sports
at all.
Yeah, of course I've always thought though
that a father should try to teach his boys,
well some things.
You know like how to throw a ball
or catch a pass, things like that.
Well now Ward you weren't a bad athlete in school.
Did your father ever teach you how to catch a baseball?
Well no, I picked that up from other kids.
As a matter of fact I would have been embarrassed
if my father
(audience laughing)
(chuckling)
Chuck, it's amazing how little we learn about children
from our own childhood.
Well, I'm certainly not the all American father.
I've made plenty of mistakes.
But if you ask me,
the secret of getting close to your kids
is to know when to stay away from them.
Well, I gotta get going.
Glad to have run into you Ward.
Yeah, real glad to have run into you, Chuck.
(cheerful music)
Oh dinner will be ready in a few minutes.
Would you tell the boys, please?
Okay.
I think they're playing outside.
Yes they came home from the Dennison's
about a half hour ago.
Dinner will be ready in a few minutes fellows.
Okay, dad, we're just gonna catch a few more.
Beaver, you
Something wrong, dad?
Well, you
(audience laughing)
No, no, not a thing Beaver.
Doing fine.
(whimsical music)
Well how come you didn't join in the game coach?
Oh dear you just don't understand boys.
The way to get close to your kids
is to know when to stay away from them.
Where'd you read that?
I didn't read it.
Chuck Dennison and I were talking about it
over at the club.
And we sort of worked out this bit of philosophy
between us.
(audience laughing)
You know dear, you ought to play golf
with Mr. Dennison more often.
Does wonders for your outlook as a father.
(audience laughing)
(cheerful music)
(cheerful theme music)
(Universal jingle)