8 Simple Rules (2002) s01e23 Episode Script

1
Son
it's time we had the talk.
- Girls!
- Oh, God.
Now, Rory, you've had a
lot of time on your hands,
and it's resulted in something
well, somewhat unhealthy.
- That is sick.
- Twisted.
Girls!
Son, it's become a problem.
Lately you've developed
a relentless obsession with
- Dad!
Getting a monkey.
I don't want a monkey.
What monkey would even have him?
Shut up!
Get out!
Son, anyway, I think what
you need is a new hobby.
You know, to get
your mind off it.
Baseball cards?
What do I want with baseball
cards? Baseball's a dead sport.
I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
These are very valuable cards.
You could trade them for a Kirk
Gibson rookie card or something.
No!
Hi, honey.
Ooh. Did I interrupt
the monkey talk?
- How does Mom know?
- Honey, I clean your room.
I found your
National Geographics.
- How was your day?
- Great.
Starting tomorrow I'll be working
twice as many hours.
- Why?
- The nurse supervisor quit.
They asked me to fill in
till they find a replacement.
Mom, you're gonna
be working more?
- I'm gonna miss you.
- Oh, Rory.
Maybe if I had a friend
it wouldn't be so bad.
A little furry companion.
Perhaps a
No monkey!
OK, I have to leave.
- I am so nervous.
- Why? You're a great nurse.
I know.
Now I have to boss people around.
You're great at that, too.
- Like they say, do as you know.
- Yeah, right.
Now, go. Don't worry about us.
I'm gonna make a nice dinner and
enjoy the company of my children.
- Where's your brother?
- Don't know.
- Don't care.
- Maybe lost.
Maybe a bear got him.
I've been out all
day, Dad, and I
can't get rid of
these stupid cards.
Rory!
The only guys interested in them
are guys with baseball cards.
If I trade them
I'll just have more.
Well, I'm off. See
you after work.
But you're working tonight?
- Again?
- Bridget, we talked about this.
Don't you ever listen?
You said you were gonna help me
with my project for history!
My family tree. It's due Friday.
I promised you last week.
Why did you wait
till the last minute?
I didn't know there was an
expiration date
on your love, Mom.
Look, Bridget, I
will help you with
your project sometime this week.
I promise.
And I'll make it up to you.
We'll have a girls'
day on Saturday.
I'll love you then, OK?
Bridget! Nice send-off.
Mom, don't let Bridget's pouting
upset you.
I'm totally proud of you.
I want to be a career woman,
just like you.
Oh, thanks, Kerry.
I appreciate you saying that.
Except, not a nurse.
There's no way I'm cleaning
bedpans. Nursing's disgusting.
And on that note
I need a blood draw in 137.
And move Baker
down to radiology.
Cate, we're out of rooms.
Every woman in
Detroit's giving birth.
I know.
It's like a mass turtle hatching.
Was there a blackout
nine months ago?
Oh, and there's two women
dilating in the hallway.
Eww.
Um, move in beds
and double them up.
All right, but they'll yell.
Remind them who controls the
drugs. That will quiet them down.
Labor and delivery.
Oh, hi, Paul.
I called to see
how you're doing.
Great.
Crazy busy, but I'm handling
everything. How are you?
Crazy busy here, too. I unloaded
the dishwasher and now
- Mom, when are you coming home?
- Somebody wants to say hi.
I need you. I'm freaking out
about my family tree project.
All Dad's relatives
are total Sci Fi Channel.
If your relatives aren't hot,
I'm behind on finding my parents.
Honey, you're just six
centimeters. Take another lap.
Hello, Mom! Are you there?
Look, Bridget, I
want to help you, but
I'm up to my ears
in pregnant women.
I'll get to it by the end
of the week. I promise.
Walk!
- Mom! God, I can't
- Mom, forget Bridget.
- She's such a crybaby.
- Bridget's crying?
Her eyes are bloodshot, she's
sniffling, but that
could be anything.
Love you. Bye.
Paul, is everything OK?
Tell me the truth.
Well, it would be nice if, once
in a while, you initiated the
Paul!
You mean is everything OK here?
Yeah, it's great.
Oh, Rory just got home.
Hey, Ror.
No. Rory's been out trading
baseball cards.
How did it go, Ror?
Great. I traded for Kirk Gibson.
My man!
Get back here, Kirk Gibson!
- Mom, hi.
- Hey, honey, how was your day?
Oh, intense.
The whole week's been intense.
But it's been great.
And the rumor mill is that
I don't want to jinx it
OK. You're gonna
get it, aren't you?
You're jinxing it,
you're jinxing it!
I'll get it!
Wow. It's just a matter of time
before she answers the iron.
They ran away again.
That was your mother
knocking on the banister.
Mother? Who is this
mother you speak of?
Very funny. Bridget, go
up and get that homework.
Let's get started
on that family tree.
Nothing like waiting
till the last minute.
- Wait, honey.
- Mom, don't indulge Bridget.
You'll just spoil her.
- Listen to me. I made a funny.
- Kerry!
Don't let anyone interfere
with your promotion.
Is someone gonna get that?
Wow.
So, what do you think?
Doesn't this place look great?
- It's nice.
- "'S'nice?"
"'S'nice?"
Look at this table.
You could deliver
one of your babies on it.
Or make one, if you wanted to.
No, you're probably tired.
Hey, I'm tired, too.
I'm being silly, right?
Honey?
Honey? No, you sleep.
You sleep.
Anyway, it was just a suggestion.
We can do it tomorrow.
- Mom, I'm ready.
- Shh. She's sleeping.
- Mom!
- No, Bridget!
Go upstairs.
You want Rory to have a monkey.
You, yourself, love monkeys.
You want Rory to have a monkey.
You, yourself, love monkeys.
Bridget, I know she promised,
but your mother is very tired.
I don't care. I'm mad at her.
We need to make
things easier on her.
I'll help you with
your family tree.
You will?
Thank you, Daddy.
At least one of you is
taking this parenting
thing seriously.
You don't know where
Mom's pictures are.
- They're up in the attic.
- I'm not going up there.
It's dirty and
there's mouse poop.
I'll get it for you.
And could you
maybe Never mind.
- No, what?
- Well
Could you maybe write a few
things down on my poster board?
In print. Your handwriting
looks nothing like mine.
Bridget, I am not
doing your homework for you!
- I miss Mom!
- OK, OK, I'll help.
- OK.
- OK.
You know, Mom
always made me cocoa
when she was helping
with my homework.
I can do that.
With little marshmallows.
You got it.
And maybe a treat.
- Surprise me.
- Sure.
Daddy, can I have a car?
Too far.
Oh, you're up.
Hey, there.
I was dreaming we had a monkey.
- What is it?
- I just wanted to tell you
that one of your daughters
is proud of you.
Oh, honey, thanks
for saying that.
And for, you know, waking me up.
Oh, she woke up?
Hey.
Pretty clean table.
But the ship has sailed, right?
No, no, no.
So, tell me the big news.
- No.
- Come on, I won't jinx it.
Oh, OK.
The word is, it's between me
and another person for this job.
- That's great.
- Yeah.
I think I have the
inside track because
I'm more popular
with the nurses.
And that's a big factor.
I wouldn't say that to Kerry,
'cause we've been
downplaying popularity.
Yeah, God help us
when she finds out the truth.
Yeah.
Oh, that's the laundry.
Do you want to go down there,
for old time's sake, and
No, no, I'll get it.
You do it so much better than
No, you rest. I'll
get the laundry.
Oh, no, Bridget's project.
I better go
I actually I wouldn't.
Bridget's rather upset with you
right now, if you catch my drift.
You know teenagers.
Their hormones, their music
Don't worry.
I took care of her homework.
She's upset? I mean, how upset?
I've been promising her
and I've let her down.
You go to bed. I can handle this.
Her family tree project's
almost finished.
It turns out the kids
didn't need you, after all.
Ow! Kirk!
Stop flinging stuff!
Morning, Rory.
You are going through bananas!
Growing boy.
Uh, Rory, we had
the deodorant talk, right?
Uh-huh.
OK. Where are the girls?
- Out with Dad.
- What do you mean?
We were supposed
to have a girls' day.
Well, you can have a boy's day
and go shopping.
Do you know where they sell
tiny hats and little bicycles?
- Hey, honey.
- Paul, why didn't you wake me?
We were supposed
to have a girls' day.
We tried to wake
you, but we couldn't.
You kept swiping at us
like a big old bear.
So, we did it with Dad.
You look rested.
Is that supposed to be sarcastic?
I'm sorry. Bridget
doesn't understand
you've got more
important things to do.
If anyone should understand
sleeping in till noon, it's her.
Noon?
I can't believe I
missed girls' day.
I can't believe you
didn't wake me.
Excuse me?
You wanted girls'
day for yourself
and you're not even a girl!
What are you talking?
You were asleep!
Mommy, come play with us.
- What's wrong?
- Oh, nothing.
- Just thinking.
- About?
- Well, maybe
- What?
- Maybe I should quit.
- What?
- I mean, for good.
- Where did that come from?
Oh, I don't know.
You know, all these extra hours,
and this nurse
supervisor audition,
it's just taking a
toll on the family.
- Look at Bridget.
- Bridget's fine.
She likes me now.
No, that didn't come out right.
Know what Kerry
said about Bridget?
Will you not listen to Kerry?
She likes to stir the pot.
She's like a little witch
with good grades.
Maybe this whole experience
is to show me
I'm supposed to be
a stay-at-home mom.
This is what you've
always wanted.
I know.
Just be careful
what you pray for.
Honey, you know what?
I want you to go back to sleep.
You're exhausted.
Not another word.
Go to bed.
You could go back
to sports writing.
If you really want
to talk about it
No, no. I can't believe
that would be OK with you.
Would it?
I mean, no!
Well, the nights
and the weekends and travel
No, it's just Maybe that's
what you're supposed to do.
And maybe staying
at home full-time with
the kids is what
I'm supposed to do.
- Honey?
- Yeah.
That is the biggest load of crap
I ever heard.
I know you.
You were born to be a nurse.
When you weren't doing it,
it was all you could talk about.
No, I used to be Mom.
And now the kids think Mom
is a person who's never there.
- Bridget will come around.
- I don't know.
I oh, boy.
- This is hard.
- I know.
I know it's hard,
so I'm gonna make it easy.
You're a great mother.
You're a great nurse.
And when we had babies you were
a great mother who was nursing!
Wait, I had a point here.
What was it?
Oh, yeah. Bridget will be fine.
We'll all be fine.
And as for sports,
I so don't miss it.
My next column, There's
Gold in Them There Pennies,
is gonna put me on
the map, you watch.
You're gonna get that promotion.
You're going to
be great, and the
kids will love you.
Discussion over.
Favorite husband ever.
All right, you prep Mrs. Daly
in 141 and start an IV drip.
And then you page Doctor Zelman
about that C-section.
Now look, honey, I
know you're scared.
I was scared before
I had my babies.
But how often do you get
to perform a miracle?
And that's what giving birth is,
it's a miracle.
You think I should
have it natural?
Oh, God, no.
- Mom.
- Rory!
- Paul.
- You were awesome, Mom.
It's not like
you're a nurse. It's
like you're better than a nurse.
- Like you're a
- Please don't say "a doctor".
Air traffic controller.
- I like that.
- What are you doing here?
- I wanted them to see
what the person who's never there
does when she's not there.
- You did that for me?
- And them.
So, uh, what did you girls think?
I thought you were
amazing. It makes
me see you in a different light.
Yeah, me too. I
mean, not too many
people look good
under fluorescents.
That's what I meant.
Paul, could you take Rory
and Kerry down to the cafeteria?
- I want to talk to Bridget.
- Sure. Let's go.
If this is about scratching
your car, Rory's a liar.
- Excuse me?
- No, you go.
Well, I just wanted
to tell you that
they offered me
that supervisor job.
- Congratulations.
- But I turned it down.
What? I thought you wanted it.
I thought I
wanted it, too, until
they actually
offered it and then
You know how people say they
didn't want to go to the party
but it was nice to be invited?
You know what I mean?
Mmm, no, I always
get invited to the party.
Right.
Well, the upside is, I'm gonna
go back to my old schedule,
and there will be
more time for us.
Why?
Honey, I know you missed me,
like when I couldn't help you
with your family tree project.
Oh, no, then Dad
finished it for me
and I was cool. I
only got a C-plus.
When the teacher
read it she said
it was shoddy
work. I kind of agree.
Oh, my God. You didn't turn it
down because of me, did you?
Call them back!
What was all that pouting
and guilt tripping?
- Was that you playing me?
- No, that was me playing Dad.
God, Mom, I thought you were
a little smarter than that.
Um So, is the
cafeteria that way?
Never mind. I'll just
follow the yellow stripe.
Money?
I'll just ask Dad.
Kerry, I am so damn mad at you.
How could you
let me think Bridget
was upset? I lost sleep over it!
Bridget wasn't upset?
My bad.
- So, the cafeteria's this way?
- No, get back here.
Sit down.
You know, you made
such an issue about that.
No, wait a minute.
You made an issue about it.
You're the one that's upset.
Yeah, well, Bridget
scratched your car.
Honey, why didn't
you just tell me
instead of pinning
it on your sister?
Mom, I'm in high school.
It's kind of embarrassing saying
I miss my mommy.
I need to know that.
It's just that
your job is really important.
But then I miss you.
And then I feel
guilty, because I
want to have a
career just like you.
And I also want to have a family.
Manhattan's the center of the art
world and no place to raise kids.
I would suffocate in the suburbs.
Now I'm sounding like Bridget!
You missed me?
It's not like I want
to hang out with you or anything.
Sometimes it's nice
knowing you're there.
And I just like knowing that.
Please tell me you didn't
turn down the job because of me.
Oh, no, honey.
I turned it down because
I'm tortured with conflict.
Good.
I'll tell you what
we're gonna do.
I'm gonna give you
my beeper number.
If I'm not home and you need
me ever, you just page me, 24l7.
Even if it's just to say hi.
And the only one who will
have the number will be you.
Really?
Well, you and the guy with the
little cooler on the helicopter.
Oh, yeah. Brake.
Rory, you're in a hospital.
What are you doing?
- Come on, you cheated!
- Paul!
- Oh, they're yours?
- Yeah.
Put them on a leash.
Come on, fellas, fun's over.
All right, Rory, maybe you can
find the guys who were in these.
Yeah, and go find Bridget.
Rory, walk.
- Mom turned down the job.
- What?
You turned down
the job? Are you?
Yeah.
No, I'm OK. I'm OK.
Now things can
get back to normal.
Are you sure this
is what you want?
Well, I don't know.
Yeah but for now.
At least until maybe the
kids move out. We'll see.
I know this is hard for you.
But you know what?
You are my favorite wife ever.
Listen, they offered you the job.
We should celebrate that.
We'll go someplace.
Anyplace you want. Name it.
Anyplace?
Why don't we go someplace
I haven't been in a while?
Let's go home.
Oh, sweetheart.
Rory!
Why does everyone
assume it was me?
Oh, Kirk Gibson.
How could I ever be mad at you?