Bucket & Skinner's Epic Adventures (2011) s01e23 Episode Script

1
This is so unfair.
Why is life so cruel?
Did your school take
sloppy joes off the menu again?
-No.
-Good.
Our problem is gym class.
Because if they did away
with sloppy joes, so help me I will march
down there myself, and I will--
Forget the sloppy joes!
For the past two weeks,
Coach Briggs has turned gym into a boot camp.
Gym used to be the only class
that didn't make my head hurt.
Now it's so hard, I'm looking forward to math.
Math!
I know exactly what you should do.
Go down to that school,
and you fight for nature's perfect sandwich!
Who's with me? Whooooo!
So anyway, we gotta figure a way
out of gym class before it kills us.
I thought last week's plan was golden.
Coach Briggs,
unfortunately, our doctor has recommended
we skip today's class.
Yeah. We were bitten
by a radioactive spider,
- and now--
- [both] share one brain!
Not the best plan we've come up with.
Aw, Bucket, that was last week.
We were young and foolish.
Let's just put our heads together,
and I'm sure we can figure
a rational way out of this.
[whistle]
Coach Briggs,
unfortunately, our doctor has recommended
we skip today's class.
Yeah, we were bitten by a radioactive spider,
and now have to live in a plastic bubble.
[whistle]
Class, new game:
Bucket and Skinner Ball.
Get 'em!
[Screaming]
I wake up, get in motion ♪
Get me to the ocean, here we go ♪
It's all about the sunshine
and the current ride ♪
All the days I walk by, hello ♪
You know that when the surf rolls in ♪
That's when big waves
really begin No worries, bro.
Here we go again
Hey! Hey!
Life is just a curl,
and the summer never ends ♪
Here we go again
Hey! Hey!
You know it's always epic
When I'm hanging with my friends ♪
Ohh-oh-ohh
Here we go again
[whistle]
Remember kids, life is pain.
Might as well learn it now.
Squats! 200!
I can't feel my arms.
What is up with this woman?
Coach Briggs?
Well, you didn't hear it from me,
but I got it on the down low
from Katie who dog-sits
for Coach Briggs' neighbor
who wears those awful purple boots,
that Coach Briggs and her boyfriend broke up,
and she's devastated.
[singsong]
Drama!
So she's taking her pain out on us?
Totes.
-Totes?
-Short for totally?
Whatev's.
Ever heard of that?
[gasping]
Everyone, arms circles!
Our fifth President was James Monroe.
E=MC squared.
The human body has 206 bones.
Uh-oh, your brain's overheating.
You're leaking facts.
Oh, I'm hungry.
Good, you're back.
So listen, I know why Coach
Briggs has been so hard on us.
She's got a broken heart.
This is a nightmare!
We've got to get her back
together with her boyfriend.
Not gonna happen.
Stick a fork in them, they are done.
Then we can find her a new boyfriend.
She'll be happy, and gym will be easy again.
How are we going to play
matchmaker for Coach Briggs
if we can't even find girls for ourselves?
We can find girls for ourselves.
[laughing]
Okay, now you've made gym fun again.
Totes.
Oh, shoot.
Looks like I have an empty spot on my shoulder.
If only I had another blue ribbon.
Well, well, look who's slumming
at the taco shop looking for compliments.
Tammy Lynch.
I'd offer you a ribbon if you promise to put it
in that bird's nest you call a hairdo.
Haven't you heard?
Blue ribbons are so last year.
Tanya!
You want to catch people's eyes these days,
you need hardware, and this
one's tiny compared to the one
that Tanya and I going to
win for Sister 2 Sister.
Sister 2 Sister?
Hello, it's a pageant for sisters.
You guys should join.
Oops. I forgot.
It's for good-looking people.
Ta-ta.
So sad how she craves attention.
Hey, everybody, look at this ribbon I just got
for best interpretive dance.
There she is, my awesome sister.
I saw Tammy outside, and no,
I'm not entering the Sister 2 Sister pageant.
Kel?
Those pageants are so not me.
Kelly, look at us.
Two sisters growing up so fast.
In a couple of years, I'm going
to be running a Fortune 500 company.
Couple of years?
And you'll be off in Nova Scotia
vaccinating squirrels or some other kind
of low-paying hippie nonsense.
You and I will have nothing in common.
But, if we enter Sister 2 Sister,
we'll always share that memory.
I'm not doing a pageant.
The only people that do those things
are completely shallow and self-absorbed.
It's pageant time!
Guess who was just named
Sister 2 Sister pageant host!
Aloe!
You seem excited.
Pageants are only the most important events
ever created.
They let people know who's beautiful
and who isn't.
That is why I've agreed to host.
It's my chance to give back to my country.
Yeah, count me out.
Little person, are my teeth
so bright, they physically give you a headache?
-No.
-Dang it!
Do you think Coach Briggs is going to show?
According to Katie, who dog-sits
for Coach Briggs' neighbor
who wears those awful purple boots,
she comes here every Tuesday.
Skinner, it's not guacamole.
-It's clay.
-Eh, what are you gonna do?
Remember, just be cool, start slow.
Hey, Tabitha Joe,
hear about anybody getting dumped lately?
No, Barbara, but if they wanted to talk about it,
this salon sure is the place.
What about you, Red?
The guys must really line up over you
with that strong jaw and those-- Size 14 feet?
Whoa!
Actually, I just had a messy breakup.
Why can't I find someone like the guy in my book?
Ricardo-- a handsome master spy from Europe
whose life is full of excitement and romance.
Wait. We know someone
just like Ricardo.
Yes. His name is
Adolfo.
He's handsome, charming,
an international man of mystery.
And he juggles.
We could have him text you.
Just a couple of gals helping
a sister find her mister.
Fix-up? I don't know.
But I guess you only live once.
Stylist, my sun-kissed
highlights are starting to dull.
And give me a mud mask.
My pores are like dinner plates.
Excuse me, ma'am, this is an emergency.
It's okay. I'm pageant host.
Mission accomplished.
Now let's get out of here
before we embarrass ourselves.
Ho ho ho.
Piper, what are you doing?
If you're not going to help me win the pageant,
I'll find a sister who can.
Number 3 and 6, step forward.
I'm sorry. For you,
the dream ends today.
Sashes.
Oh, look.
You're holding auditions for a fake sister.
Is the real one too scared to compete?
I'm not scared, Tammy.
You don't want to be humiliated
by your little sister.
I get it. After all,
this is a beauty pageant,
not an average pageant.
See the way this monster talks to me?
[sobbing]
Cool it, Piper, I'm not falling for it.
Wait, are you really crying?
Fine, if it means that much to you, I'll do it.
But we're gonna do it my way.
I'll see you at home.
Watch and learn, Tammy.
Fake Tears.
Never leave home without 'em.
You think you schooled me?
Check the label.
"Fake Tears.
Tammy Lynch Industries."
[ukulele] That's it, class.
[ukulele] That's it, class.
Let the soothing music move you.
Let the soothing music move you.
Bucket, ever since Adolfo, the international man
of mystery, came into Coach's life,
gym has become easy again.
They've really hit it off,
and they haven't even met yet.
They can't meet, Skinner.
We made up Adolfo.
We're the ones texting Coach Briggs.
I know that, Bucket.
I just hope his intentions are honorable.
[phone rings]
Bucket, it's Coach Briggs' birthday Friday,
and she's asking Adolfo to meet her in person.
Just say you can't.
He's busy spying.
No one's going to believe that.
I'll say he's juggling.
[ring]
Juggling?
[whistle]
Kill the music!
[ukulele stops]
Time for squats!
Ten sets of fifty!
You too, Molokini.
Wait, I got an idea.
Anything.
Just do it quickly.
Faster!
[beeping]
You know what?
Change in plans.
Who's up for thumb wrestling?
[whistle]
Okay, that was close.
What did you do?
I promised Adolfo would
take her to dinner Friday.
Women love dinner.
That's your idea?
Skinner, there is no Adolfo.
She's going to show up to the restaurant alone.
Oh. Then I should
probably text her
and tell her to bring her wallet.
You want me to pretend I'm an international spy?
For the millionth time, no!
Come on, Uncle Three Pieces,
no one could pull this off but you.
Not gonna happen.
Fact is, I'm taking a break from dating.
It's been a bumpy ride this year.
That's not true.
What about Carol, Debbie, and Laura?
They're all the same girl.
She kept changing her name
so I couldn't find her.
Okay, well, forget her.
You've still have tons of dates.
First dates, which I'm terrible at.
I get nervous, I do something klutzy.
Next thing you know, she's
covered in ranch dressing.
The waiter's saying I'm making a scene.
Me!
But this isn't even a real date.
All you have to do is show up as Adolfo,
say a few mysterious spy things, sing a little.
Maybe compliment her freakishly large feet.
And you're out of there in no time.
Quick and simple.
Come on, for us?
Fine.
I'll give you ten minutes.
After that, you better find
a way to get me out of there.
Deal. And with that,
Adolfo, the suave international
man of mystery, is born.
I am feeling very good about this.
"Rehearsal is up for the talent event.
And that's the funny thing
about sisters."
Hold for laughs, light up room
with million-dollar smile.
Parson! Make these
lights brighter!
It brings out the natural
blush in my apple cheeks.
Remember, they'll come for the sisters,
but stay for the Aloe.
I can't do this, Kel.
Look at me. I've got a straw
sticking out of my neck.
Piper, this is what's going
to set us apart and help us win.
This act has it all.
We're entertaining,
and we're making people think.
Yeah, because that's what people want to do
at a beauty pageant-- think.
[fireworks]
[country]
Just two cowgirls
in the U.S. of A ♪
Hee-Haw is what we always say ♪
And now we'd like to share it
'cause we love you America ♪
Ahh
[applause]
[scoff]
Okay, that is cheesy.
Cheesy like a winner.
Tammy's pushing all the right pageant buttons.
Let's go. We rehearse next.
Oh, goody, what do we have
here? Broccoli and soda?
And the judges say,
"Yawns across the board."
Ahh.
We have nothing to say to you, Tammy,
because we're above that sort of thing.
Right, Piper?
Don't mess with the bull, Tammy,
because you'll get the horns!
Aah!
Piper, don't!
You'll break your straw!
Hey there, Soda, did you know
that broccoli is high in daily fiber?
♪
I didn't know that
'cause I'm so hopped up on sugar,
I can't concentrate on anything.
♪
I'm also rich in calcium.
♪
I rot people's teeth.
Okay, that was, uh
Let's move on.
So should I encourage booing
if they're going to be this terrible?
Kelly, our act is a train wreck.
Piper, don't worry.
We can always add more bass drum.
Kelly, the only way to win
these things is to sell out!
Well, I can't do that.
Sorry. I quit.
Quitting?
Can't say I blame you.
You know what's kind of funny?
I used to think of you as a rival.
You hear that?
Peeew! That was you
falling off my radar.
Hey, you can't talk to my sister like that.
Really? That's weird
'cause I sort of just did.
[Italian accent] And that is
when I became a triple agent.
Before, I was just a lowly double agent.
Adolfo, there are so many interesting things
about being a spy.
More than you or I will ever know.
Five more minutes, and we got
to get him out of there.
How great is he doing?
She thinks she's Adolfo.
Here, gaze at the stars
while I sing to you in a foreign language,
like I said I would in my many texts.
[Man singing in Italian]
[crash]
And the rest of the song
pretty much sounds like that.
Cheese?
Oh great. Nice, move, klutz.
Sorry. Sometimes even Adolfo
gets a little nervous
on first dates and does something stupid!
Uh-oh. He's losing it.
We got to rescue him.
Ready?
Adolfo, it's not a problem, really.
Sure, sure, this is the part of the date
where you remember you've got to be somewhere
and take off, right?
Excuse me?
I know how it goes.
You're expecting a smooth spy guy,
and instead you get a big goof ball!
Well, maybe big goof ball is my type.
[normal voice]
It is? I mean
[Italian accent]
it is?
I'm still here, aren't I?
Excuse me for just one second.
[no audible dialogue]
You must be strong
You must carry on
When you're the most beautiful man ♪
In the world
[applause]
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you, thank you.
Now, I attractively introduce you all
to our next contestants,
Kelly and Piper Pickinpaw.
Ha! They're no-shows.
This pageant is as good as ours.
Tanya, keep your lips together.
No one is going to give
a trophy to a mouth breather.
No one's going to give
you a trophy, period, Tammy.
You made two mistakes, Tammy Lynch.
You messed with my sister,
and you made fun of broccoli.
Your hair, your dresses.
Hear that?
Beep, beep, beep.
That's me back on your radar.
Pardon us, cowgirls, it's show time.
Don't need no gasoline
The only fuel a girl needs is sister power ♪
Gonna rule with sister power ♪
Be the first to step on Mars,
one small step for sister ♪
One giant leap for
sister-kind with sister power ♪
With sister power
Someone get my sister on the phone.
Tell her I love her.
Okay, we just got to the real real.
I know we have judges,
but people look to me for the answers.
And I declare this year's Sister 2 Sister winners
Kelly and Piper Pickinpaw!
[applause]
Thank you all.
It means so much that Tammy Lynch
has publicly been deemed inferior to me.
But what I really want to talk about is
broccoli. Did you know
it's packed with Vitamin A?
If you want to be a winner like me and my sister,
you gotta eat right.
Okay, now you're losing them.
You must be strong
You must carry on
When you're the most
beautiful man in the world ♪
I'm glad we could meet face to face.
Me, too!
This is the best date
I've been on in a long time.
[shrieking]
Uh-oh. Adolfo,
we're here to capture you,
and nothing's gonna stop us!
Yeah!
Oh, cheese.
Hey.
What is going on?
Stay back! I train
for this very situation.
Kill! Ya, ya--
Guys, go away. Shoo.
The date's going great.
-Sounds good.
-We're taking you out of here!
Guys, abort mission.
Let go of me!
I really like her!
Hey!
Nobody messes with my man.
Ohh!
Skinner? Bucket?
What is this, Adolfo?
Uh
It's our fault, Coach Briggs.
We made up Adolfo so you'd be happy again.
And go easy on us in gym.
Look, you may find this hard to believe,
but I'm no international spy.
This isn't even my real hair.
It's my Gammy's.
She wears it for speed dating.
This date is over.
No, wait! I was really enjoying
hanging out with you tonight.
Save it, whoever you are.
And, boys, get lots of sleep.
You're gonna need it.
See you in gym class!
Well, I should probably get this back to Gammy.
She gets mad when she can't work the remote.
Today we take it to the next level.
Line up, people!
Coach Briggs?
Students, grab your dodge balls.
Before you pummel us,
we just want to say we're sorry for tricking you.
Yeah, the cape, the ninja costumes,
my sweet hook hand.
It was all fake.
But you know what was real?
My uncle liking you.
And the cheese plate.
Hello, Laverne.
Students, on my whistle, fire at will.
I know you're mad,
but I've been waiting a long time
to meet a woman like you,
and you've been waiting a long time
to meet a guy like me.
[whistle]
Sure, we both have rough dating histories
that haven't been the best,
but you're not a quitter,
and after meeting you, neither am I,
so throw your dodge balls
because I'm not walking away from the-- aah!
That one really hurt!
I just want to try again.
No Adolfo. Just me.
What do you say?
[whistle]
I say
You must be strong
You must carry on
When you're the most
beautiful man in the world ♪
Yeah, that just happened.
Fact!
---oOo---