Family Affair (1966) s01e23 Episode Script
The Mother Tongue
1
Now, right after that, the eagle just flew
away.
He left the lamb right where he was in
that little clearing.
Did the lamb's mama find her?
Oh, sure, very same day.
And something tells me it's time for bed.
Eight O'clock?
Boy, Uncle Bill, all the other kids gonna
stay up clear to 8.30.
Yeah, Uncle Bill, even Marilyn.
Who's Marilyn?
She's a new kid in school.
Cool.
She's real neat.
She's okay.
She always gets picked first when they're
picking sides for kickball.
I see.
Well, that's very nice.
But you're still going to bed at 8 O
'clock.
Well, good night.
Good night, Uncle Bill.
Go on.
Can we take a bath tonight?
Tonight?
Do I understand you're actually
volunteering for a bath, Miss Buffy?
She is.
I'm not.
I think one shower a day ought to be
enough.
What makes you think you need a bath,
too?
Marilyn.
Marilyn does all kinds of weird junk.
But she's okay.
Good night.
Good night, Uncle Bill.
Good night, Uncle Bill.
Good night.
Good night.
More toast, Buffy?
No, thank you, Mr. French.
It sure was neat toast, though.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Yes, sir.
You're very welcome, sir.
If I may say so, Buffy, aren't you
carrying courtesy to an extreme?
She gets it from Marilyn.
Your new friend sounds like quite a girl.
Oh, Buffy.
Yeah, she has real neat teeth,
too.
Real neat teeth.
She uses them for smiling.
Buffy, why don't you invite your friend
Marilyn over tomorrow for lunch?
It's Saturday.
Hey, neat!
Boy, yeah!
Ah, neat.
Well, children off to school.
I hope I didn't ruin your Saturday, Mr. French,
by telling Buffy to invite Marilyn over for lunch.
Oh, indeed no, Miss Cissy.
I can scarcely wait to meet a child who's
picked first in kickball, is courteous,
demands a bath, and has neat teeth.
Which she uses for smiling.
Precisely.
Yes, Miss?
You wish to see someone, Miss?
This is the Davis apartment, Miss.
If you're looking for
Look here, Miss.
Marilyn!
Come in!
Come back in our room.
Oh, this here is Mr. French.
And how do you do?
Yes, French?
Marilyn has arrived, sir.
She's playing with the twins.
Oh.
It turns out that Marilyn is Chinese.
Well, well, I never thought of Marilyn as
being a Chinese name.
How are they getting along?
Quite amicably.
Perhaps you'd best see for yourself,
sir.
Drive us to the market, young man.
Okay.
Shall we take our children inside the
market?
Oh, look.
Mon, mon.
Mon, mon.
Okay, lady.
Only quit telling me how to drive.
Dola, dola.
Okay.
Let me park the car before you get out.
We'll only be a few minutes, young man.
Okay.
Done yet, Johnny?
Okay.
Okay.
Doesn't Marilyn speak English?
Apparently not, sir.
How do they talk to each other?
Well, instinct, sign language,
the universal tongue, and the children.
Universal tongue, children.
As a philosopher, maybe I can make
something out of that.
Well, the children do very
well on a primitive level,
but there's no communication
to replace the spoken word.
Well, I don't know if you can speak
Chinese.
Well, I spoke Mandarin and a smattering of
Cantonese at one time.
Well, perhaps I should review it so I can
communicate with Miss Marilyn.
Yeah, why don't you do that?
Dola, Dola.
Okay.
Looks like they're communicating now.
Where'd you guys want to go now?
Find her a lot.
Oh, Mom.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
Ching-Chong.
Oh, that's wonderful.
At least, I think it is.
I believe it's written phonetically in the
book.
You guys seen my moon man's face,
doll?
Jody, don't call Mr. French you guys.
And what would your moon man be doing in
here?
Well, if you wind him up, he walks all
over the house.
Good morning, sir.
Joe-San-tai-tai.
No, no, I think that should be
Joe-San-seen-San.
That's the most difficult tongue
Cantonese.
If my moon man walks in here, point and
port my room.
I'm going to skip a few pages and give you
some of the hard stuff.
There is heavy traffic in Taipei today.
I think that's right, only you got a
couple of things in different places.
Try this.
The street is wide.
Call me up.
Tomorrow.
Miss Cissy.
Yes?
I fear we have located the moon man.
Hi,
Mr. French.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Hello, Miss French.
.
.
Hey, me.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Hey,
where are you going?
We didn't eat yet, Marilyn.
I may not have called her an angel.
I must have said something else.
Me-yow-chee.
Me-yow-chee.
Your eggs, sir.
Thank you.
Eggs.
Oh, the paper.
Me-yow-chee.
Um, French?
Yes, sir?
Uh, you're not making a whole lot of sense
this morning.
You still worrying about Marilyn?
Well, sir, I do wonder what I actually
said to her.
What were you trying to say?
Well, I'm reasonably certain, I said,
you have the face of an angel.
But you see, sir, in Chinese, the word
angel may be the offender.
Yeah, maybe that's it.
Well, whatever it is, it's over with, so the
kids are gonna see her in school, they'll explain.
I really don't know how they can make her
understand, sir.
Well, leave it to them.
Quit worrying about it.
You haven't started an international
incident yet.
I don't think.
Yeah.
Somebody from what?
Chinese Nationalist Consulate.
What for?
Oh, we'll send them in.
Come right in, sir.
I'm Bill Davis.
I'm Chen Ben-Ho.
Nice to meet you, Mr. Chen.
Sit down.
Thank you.
My secretary, tells me you're with the
Chinese Nationalist Consulate.
In a sense, Mr. Davis, I'm one of the
representatives to the United Nations.
Oh.
Well, what brings you all the way
downtown, Mr. Chen?
It is a delicate matter, Mr. Davis.
You see, when I achieved the appointment to
your wonderful country, I brought with me my family.
Oh.
Yes, numbered among them is not only my
daughter and my wife, but my wife's mother.
Your mother-in-law?
Yes, a fine woman with many virtues and
sensitivities.
She indicated that my daughter has been shattered
by something that was said to her by your maid.
Maid?
No, Mr. Chen, he's our manservant.
More of a friend, actually.
Just so.
We're talking about Marilyn.
Marilyn, yes.
Named for an American lady in the films
with whom my wife was most taken.
A mistake, you say?
Yeah, you see, Mr. French was trying to
tell Marilyn in your language that she
had, um, I think the eyes of a
Fawn or the face of an angel
or something like that, but
apparently he got it all wrong.
Yes, our language is most difficult and
traps are many.
He said to my daughter that she had the
ears of a pig and the face of a horrifying demon.
I'm sorry.
Not at all.
The mystery is cleared up.
I shall explain to Marilyn and her mother
and her grandmother.
Well, the subject is closed forever.
Ah, Miss Marilyn, do come in.
I see your father has explained about that
unfortunate incident.
Of course, you can't understand.
Nay-foo-chun-gai-ming-nay-chung.
Hi, La.
Good.
You see, what I meant to say was here you
go, I mean you say.
You.
just got here.
Did you talk to her again, Mr. Giles?
I, I felt I felt
so, Miss Buffett.
Boy, Mr. French.
Yeah, boy.
Again?
Well, send him in.
Jen, I guess I, uh, I guess I could expect
you.
Normally, I would trouble neither you nor
myself about such a thing.
But Marilyn is in quite a state.
Well, so is Mr. French.
I don't think I've ever seen him this
upset.
The poor man.
In trying to, uh, repair the damage of
calling her a demon, he called her a serpent.
Well, I wish I could tell you how sorry I
am.
I am too, Mr. Davis.
But my, my wife and her mother,
they do not understand.
They, uh, well, I'm afraid we must ask
that Marilyn not play with your children.
Boy, how come, Uncle Bill?
Uh, well, Marilyn's folks, um,
don't want her to visit any more homes
till, uh, she gets so she can speak
English a little better.
Can't she even come over here after school
or anything?
Nope.
Boy.
Yeah, boy.
It's all my doing, sir.
Oh, it wasn't anything you did on purpose,
French.
True, but the results are the same.
May I beg leave of this evening,
sir?
What do you want to do?
Well, I thought I might visit the family
in question and explain.
You mean Chinese?
Oh, yes, sir.
If it becomes necessary.
You see, I've been studying the tongue
assiduously, and I'm sure I've mastered it.
Yes?
My name is French, sir.
I'm in the employ of Mr. William Davis.
Oh, of course.
Come in, please.
Thank you.
May I present my wife and the mother of my
wife, Mr. French.
I need a loaf on one Maryland cheek,
wayla.
My wife has only just now informed her
mother of your identity.
Yes, I heard.
Ching-nei-huen-leung-no.
You speak Chinese well, Mr. French.
Thank you, sir.
I'm still having a spot of trouble with
pronouns and descriptive phrases.
Not that I noticed.
Nei-lyung-wai-tai-tai-Mei-yu-cha-fa.
Yu-Mei-fa-joy-yut-pun-lop-sop.
He.
said what?
He said they were like two flowers in a
bowl of rubbish.
Anything else?
He told them that they had eyes like
peacock's feet and necks of purest concrete.
Even my wife's mother smiled.
I'm surprised you didn't have him shot.
But he was charming.
Actually, he speaks our language rather
well.
But, uh, as he himself admitted, he is
a little weak on the descriptive phrases.
We have so many words that sound alike but
mean things very different.
Well, what do you mean?
What about Marilyn?
Did French explain what happened?
He didn't have to.
In order to try to flatter my wife and her
mother, he demonstrated exactly what happened.
Well, I'm glad that's over.
I also.
If, uh, left to themselves, our children
need no language except that of trust.
Have you noticed?
We sure have.
Well, thanks, Mr. Chen.
I appreciate it.
Not at all, not at all.
It was too important a moment to trust to
the telephone.
Oh, by the way, uh, Mr. French doesn't
realize what he said to my wife and her mother.
Perhaps it would be better if we don't,
uh
I won't say a word.
Good.
He told us in Chinese that
you were a wonderful man, a
completely understanding tyrant
with a delightful sense of fish.
Fish.
A direct translation, of course.
Yeah.
All right.
I.
got you, Marilyn.
Mo-da-do, mo-da-do.
Buffy?
You just speaking Cantonese?
I guess so.
Marilyn's learning English.
English to Uncle Bill.
Yeah.
Say something in English to Uncle Bill,
Marilyn.
Color television.
Bang!
You're dead, Marilyn.
Sir.
Sir, I'm afraid I've made the most
horrifying mistake.
What's that?
Well, I was trying to indicate to Mr. Chen's
wife that she had a neck of alabaster.
Oh, French.
Yes.
Yes, and if this dictionary is correct, I must have
told the poor woman she had a neck of concrete.
Well, I imagine she understood.
Well, I hope so, sir.
At any rate, they didn't throw me out.
Oh, communicating in a foreign language is
so difficult.
I don't know.
Okay.
Now, I'm the chief, and you squaws got to
do what I say.
Okay?
Okay.
Okay, Jody.
Come on.
Now, right after that, the eagle just flew
away.
He left the lamb right where he was in
that little clearing.
Did the lamb's mama find her?
Oh, sure, very same day.
And something tells me it's time for bed.
Eight O'clock?
Boy, Uncle Bill, all the other kids gonna
stay up clear to 8.30.
Yeah, Uncle Bill, even Marilyn.
Who's Marilyn?
She's a new kid in school.
Cool.
She's real neat.
She's okay.
She always gets picked first when they're
picking sides for kickball.
I see.
Well, that's very nice.
But you're still going to bed at 8 O
'clock.
Well, good night.
Good night, Uncle Bill.
Go on.
Can we take a bath tonight?
Tonight?
Do I understand you're actually
volunteering for a bath, Miss Buffy?
She is.
I'm not.
I think one shower a day ought to be
enough.
What makes you think you need a bath,
too?
Marilyn.
Marilyn does all kinds of weird junk.
But she's okay.
Good night.
Good night, Uncle Bill.
Good night, Uncle Bill.
Good night.
Good night.
More toast, Buffy?
No, thank you, Mr. French.
It sure was neat toast, though.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Yes, sir.
You're very welcome, sir.
If I may say so, Buffy, aren't you
carrying courtesy to an extreme?
She gets it from Marilyn.
Your new friend sounds like quite a girl.
Oh, Buffy.
Yeah, she has real neat teeth,
too.
Real neat teeth.
She uses them for smiling.
Buffy, why don't you invite your friend
Marilyn over tomorrow for lunch?
It's Saturday.
Hey, neat!
Boy, yeah!
Ah, neat.
Well, children off to school.
I hope I didn't ruin your Saturday, Mr. French,
by telling Buffy to invite Marilyn over for lunch.
Oh, indeed no, Miss Cissy.
I can scarcely wait to meet a child who's
picked first in kickball, is courteous,
demands a bath, and has neat teeth.
Which she uses for smiling.
Precisely.
Yes, Miss?
You wish to see someone, Miss?
This is the Davis apartment, Miss.
If you're looking for
Look here, Miss.
Marilyn!
Come in!
Come back in our room.
Oh, this here is Mr. French.
And how do you do?
Yes, French?
Marilyn has arrived, sir.
She's playing with the twins.
Oh.
It turns out that Marilyn is Chinese.
Well, well, I never thought of Marilyn as
being a Chinese name.
How are they getting along?
Quite amicably.
Perhaps you'd best see for yourself,
sir.
Drive us to the market, young man.
Okay.
Shall we take our children inside the
market?
Oh, look.
Mon, mon.
Mon, mon.
Okay, lady.
Only quit telling me how to drive.
Dola, dola.
Okay.
Let me park the car before you get out.
We'll only be a few minutes, young man.
Okay.
Done yet, Johnny?
Okay.
Okay.
Doesn't Marilyn speak English?
Apparently not, sir.
How do they talk to each other?
Well, instinct, sign language,
the universal tongue, and the children.
Universal tongue, children.
As a philosopher, maybe I can make
something out of that.
Well, the children do very
well on a primitive level,
but there's no communication
to replace the spoken word.
Well, I don't know if you can speak
Chinese.
Well, I spoke Mandarin and a smattering of
Cantonese at one time.
Well, perhaps I should review it so I can
communicate with Miss Marilyn.
Yeah, why don't you do that?
Dola, Dola.
Okay.
Looks like they're communicating now.
Where'd you guys want to go now?
Find her a lot.
Oh, Mom.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
Ching-Chong.
Oh, that's wonderful.
At least, I think it is.
I believe it's written phonetically in the
book.
You guys seen my moon man's face,
doll?
Jody, don't call Mr. French you guys.
And what would your moon man be doing in
here?
Well, if you wind him up, he walks all
over the house.
Good morning, sir.
Joe-San-tai-tai.
No, no, I think that should be
Joe-San-seen-San.
That's the most difficult tongue
Cantonese.
If my moon man walks in here, point and
port my room.
I'm going to skip a few pages and give you
some of the hard stuff.
There is heavy traffic in Taipei today.
I think that's right, only you got a
couple of things in different places.
Try this.
The street is wide.
Call me up.
Tomorrow.
Miss Cissy.
Yes?
I fear we have located the moon man.
Hi,
Mr. French.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Hello, Miss French.
.
.
Hey, me.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Hey,
where are you going?
We didn't eat yet, Marilyn.
I may not have called her an angel.
I must have said something else.
Me-yow-chee.
Me-yow-chee.
Your eggs, sir.
Thank you.
Eggs.
Oh, the paper.
Me-yow-chee.
Um, French?
Yes, sir?
Uh, you're not making a whole lot of sense
this morning.
You still worrying about Marilyn?
Well, sir, I do wonder what I actually
said to her.
What were you trying to say?
Well, I'm reasonably certain, I said,
you have the face of an angel.
But you see, sir, in Chinese, the word
angel may be the offender.
Yeah, maybe that's it.
Well, whatever it is, it's over with, so the
kids are gonna see her in school, they'll explain.
I really don't know how they can make her
understand, sir.
Well, leave it to them.
Quit worrying about it.
You haven't started an international
incident yet.
I don't think.
Yeah.
Somebody from what?
Chinese Nationalist Consulate.
What for?
Oh, we'll send them in.
Come right in, sir.
I'm Bill Davis.
I'm Chen Ben-Ho.
Nice to meet you, Mr. Chen.
Sit down.
Thank you.
My secretary, tells me you're with the
Chinese Nationalist Consulate.
In a sense, Mr. Davis, I'm one of the
representatives to the United Nations.
Oh.
Well, what brings you all the way
downtown, Mr. Chen?
It is a delicate matter, Mr. Davis.
You see, when I achieved the appointment to
your wonderful country, I brought with me my family.
Oh.
Yes, numbered among them is not only my
daughter and my wife, but my wife's mother.
Your mother-in-law?
Yes, a fine woman with many virtues and
sensitivities.
She indicated that my daughter has been shattered
by something that was said to her by your maid.
Maid?
No, Mr. Chen, he's our manservant.
More of a friend, actually.
Just so.
We're talking about Marilyn.
Marilyn, yes.
Named for an American lady in the films
with whom my wife was most taken.
A mistake, you say?
Yeah, you see, Mr. French was trying to
tell Marilyn in your language that she
had, um, I think the eyes of a
Fawn or the face of an angel
or something like that, but
apparently he got it all wrong.
Yes, our language is most difficult and
traps are many.
He said to my daughter that she had the
ears of a pig and the face of a horrifying demon.
I'm sorry.
Not at all.
The mystery is cleared up.
I shall explain to Marilyn and her mother
and her grandmother.
Well, the subject is closed forever.
Ah, Miss Marilyn, do come in.
I see your father has explained about that
unfortunate incident.
Of course, you can't understand.
Nay-foo-chun-gai-ming-nay-chung.
Hi, La.
Good.
You see, what I meant to say was here you
go, I mean you say.
You.
just got here.
Did you talk to her again, Mr. Giles?
I, I felt I felt
so, Miss Buffett.
Boy, Mr. French.
Yeah, boy.
Again?
Well, send him in.
Jen, I guess I, uh, I guess I could expect
you.
Normally, I would trouble neither you nor
myself about such a thing.
But Marilyn is in quite a state.
Well, so is Mr. French.
I don't think I've ever seen him this
upset.
The poor man.
In trying to, uh, repair the damage of
calling her a demon, he called her a serpent.
Well, I wish I could tell you how sorry I
am.
I am too, Mr. Davis.
But my, my wife and her mother,
they do not understand.
They, uh, well, I'm afraid we must ask
that Marilyn not play with your children.
Boy, how come, Uncle Bill?
Uh, well, Marilyn's folks, um,
don't want her to visit any more homes
till, uh, she gets so she can speak
English a little better.
Can't she even come over here after school
or anything?
Nope.
Boy.
Yeah, boy.
It's all my doing, sir.
Oh, it wasn't anything you did on purpose,
French.
True, but the results are the same.
May I beg leave of this evening,
sir?
What do you want to do?
Well, I thought I might visit the family
in question and explain.
You mean Chinese?
Oh, yes, sir.
If it becomes necessary.
You see, I've been studying the tongue
assiduously, and I'm sure I've mastered it.
Yes?
My name is French, sir.
I'm in the employ of Mr. William Davis.
Oh, of course.
Come in, please.
Thank you.
May I present my wife and the mother of my
wife, Mr. French.
I need a loaf on one Maryland cheek,
wayla.
My wife has only just now informed her
mother of your identity.
Yes, I heard.
Ching-nei-huen-leung-no.
You speak Chinese well, Mr. French.
Thank you, sir.
I'm still having a spot of trouble with
pronouns and descriptive phrases.
Not that I noticed.
Nei-lyung-wai-tai-tai-Mei-yu-cha-fa.
Yu-Mei-fa-joy-yut-pun-lop-sop.
He.
said what?
He said they were like two flowers in a
bowl of rubbish.
Anything else?
He told them that they had eyes like
peacock's feet and necks of purest concrete.
Even my wife's mother smiled.
I'm surprised you didn't have him shot.
But he was charming.
Actually, he speaks our language rather
well.
But, uh, as he himself admitted, he is
a little weak on the descriptive phrases.
We have so many words that sound alike but
mean things very different.
Well, what do you mean?
What about Marilyn?
Did French explain what happened?
He didn't have to.
In order to try to flatter my wife and her
mother, he demonstrated exactly what happened.
Well, I'm glad that's over.
I also.
If, uh, left to themselves, our children
need no language except that of trust.
Have you noticed?
We sure have.
Well, thanks, Mr. Chen.
I appreciate it.
Not at all, not at all.
It was too important a moment to trust to
the telephone.
Oh, by the way, uh, Mr. French doesn't
realize what he said to my wife and her mother.
Perhaps it would be better if we don't,
uh
I won't say a word.
Good.
He told us in Chinese that
you were a wonderful man, a
completely understanding tyrant
with a delightful sense of fish.
Fish.
A direct translation, of course.
Yeah.
All right.
I.
got you, Marilyn.
Mo-da-do, mo-da-do.
Buffy?
You just speaking Cantonese?
I guess so.
Marilyn's learning English.
English to Uncle Bill.
Yeah.
Say something in English to Uncle Bill,
Marilyn.
Color television.
Bang!
You're dead, Marilyn.
Sir.
Sir, I'm afraid I've made the most
horrifying mistake.
What's that?
Well, I was trying to indicate to Mr. Chen's
wife that she had a neck of alabaster.
Oh, French.
Yes.
Yes, and if this dictionary is correct, I must have
told the poor woman she had a neck of concrete.
Well, I imagine she understood.
Well, I hope so, sir.
At any rate, they didn't throw me out.
Oh, communicating in a foreign language is
so difficult.
I don't know.
Okay.
Now, I'm the chief, and you squaws got to
do what I say.
Okay?
Okay.
Okay, Jody.
Come on.