Leave It to Beaver (1957) s01e23 Episode Script

1
("Leave it to Beaver" theme music)
[Announcer] Leave it to Beaver.
(upbeat instrumental music)
Starring Barbara Billingsly, Hugh Beaumont,
Tony Dow, and Jerry Mathers as The Beaver.
Hi, Beaver.
Hi, Larry.
I just heard Mr. Bloomgarden's gonna inspect the lockers.
Yeah, the kids were talkin' about it.
Mr. Bloomgarden heard somebody brought rotten eggs
to school again.
You didn't bring rotten eggs, did ya?
No, but I brung somethin' else.
(instrumental music)
Beaver, bringin' a dog to school.
You're gonna get in all kinds of trouble.
(rain falling)
(thundering)
(upbeat instrumental music)
Oh, Ward, where can those boys be?
They should have been home from
school at least an hour ago!
Ah, June, a rainy day is a challenge to any growing boy.
Gives them a chance to find a lotta new ways
to get soaking wet.
Well I just wish they'd worn their raincoats this morning.
Here comes somebody.
It's a kid, and he's running.
Is it one of ours?
Yeah, must be, jumped right in that big puddle
out in front of the house with both feet.
(audience laughing)
It's Wally.
Wonder where the Beaver is?
Oh!
(footsteps clunking)
Oh, Walter, look at you.
You're soaking wet.
Sure, Mom, it's rainin' out.
(audience laughing)
Ah, Wally!
You know, Wally, I was watching you out the window there.
Could you tell my why you would deliberately jump
in a puddle of water?
She gah, I just wanted to see
if these new shoes were waterproof.
(audience laughing)
(squishing)
(laughing) I guess they're not.
(audience laughing)
No.
Where's you brother, Wally?
Didn't he come home with you?
Well he started to, but then it got kinda wet
while we were watchin' some men take a car
out of the mud, so I think he went
over to Larry Mondello's house.
You better get on upstairs and get some dry clothes on.
Ward, I'm worried about the Beaver.
D'you think you oughta go over to Larry's house
and get him?
No, let's wait a couple of minutes, he's probably
(knocking)
Hi!
[June] Well thank goodness you're covered up.
Larry Mendello lended me his raincoat.
We've been worried about you, Beaver.
Why do have your jacket rolled up like that?
I have it rolled up so it won't get wet.
What do you suppose he has in the jacket?
Do you think he's hiding something?
Sure he's hiding something.
Remember when he smuggled in the chocolate eclairs wrapped
up in his sweater?
Ooh, hope it's nothing that sticky.
(audience laughing)
Hey, Beaver, what is it?
You know, Wally, it's a dog.
(audience laughing)
Yeah, I guess he is.
I think he's what they call a Mexican hairless.
He's hairless, all right, but I don't know
if he's Mexican.
Where'd you get that thing?
I traded Larry Mondello my glass doorknob for it.
He got it from Whitey Whitney.
Whitey found him eatin' out of his garbage pail.
(snorting)
I haven't got a name for him yet.
Did Dad say you had to get rid of him?
No, he didn't say that.
Gee, how come?
Didn't have a chance to.
He doesn't know I got him.
You'd better go down and tell him.
I'm gonna take my shower.
(quirky instrumental music)
[June] But, Beaver, he's so tiny.
Wally says he's a bald-headed Mexican.
(laughing)
He's a Chihuahua, Beaver.
Wally says you might let me keep him.
Beaver, you and Wally had a dog once, remember?
You didn't take care of him.
We had to give him away.
But I can't put him out in the rain.
He's so small.
He might get washed down a sewer or somethin'.
Well I don't mean tonight, Beaver,
but anyway, a dog like this obviously belongs to somebody.
How do ya know?
He ain't got nothin' to show who he belongs to.
Well I know you don't quite understand, Beaver,
but believe me, the only right thing
to do is to find out who owns the dog.
Yes, Beaver, he probably belongs to somebody
who loves him very much.
You can understand that, can't you?
Yeah, I can understand that.
I'll tell you what, Beaver.
I have to work a while tomorrow,
so in the morning I'll take you and Wally
by the newspaper office, and you can place
an ad in the lost and found.
Okay, Dad.
Beaver, why don't you take him upstairs
and tidy him up a bit, but don't use a clean towel on him.
Oh no, Mom, I'll wash myself first
and get one dirty.
(audience laughing)
(upbeat instrumental music)
He seems pretty upset about having
to give that dog back.
Ah, he'll get over it.
When I was a kid, I was always bringing home
some kind of animal.
Hmm, I remember once my brother and I brought home a duck.
A duck?
Yeah, the lake was frozen over, and it was wandering
around on the ice.
We felt sorry for it, so we bundled it up
and brought it home.
Where in the world d'you keep it?
Made a nest for it in the bathtub.
Oh, we cleaned it up, and kept it warm,
and fed it Father's best imported sardines.
And then?
Then spring came and it flew away.
That's when I learned that to a duck
there's no such thing as gratitude.
(audience laughing)
(instrumental music)
[Woman] Uh, I found a dog.
The dog is a chi-chi.
I scratched that out.
[Woman] Oh, yes, the dog is brownish with no hair.
I got the dog from my friend Larry,
but it was not his because Whitey found him
in his garbage pail?
He means eating out of his garbage pail.
Oh, I see.
If the dog you lost is the one I found,
I'm the one who found it,
signed, Beaver Cleaver.
(audience laughing)
Young man, did you write this all by yourself?
No, my brother here helped me with it.
Uh, well, just with the hard stuff.
Well, I think I might be able to reword it
so it's just a little clearer.
Don't make it too clear.
I wanna keep the dog.
(audience laughing)
(quirky instrumental music)
Well I'm very sorry, sir, but I'm afraid
it's not your dog.
Well I can appreciate how anxious you are
to locate Frederick the Third,
but I believe I know the difference
between an Airedale and a Chihuahua.
Not at all, goodnight.
(clunking)
Another false alarm?
[Ward] Um hm.
[June] You know, that makes the 14th call in two days.
Must be the time of year when dogs leave home.
You wouldn't know about that.
Your experience has been confined to ducks.
Yeah.
Where is our bald-headed friend?
Boys have him upstairs.
I think they're giving him a bath.
Ah.
You know, even Wally's grown attached to him.
When I saw his muddy face that first night,
I never thought that I could grow to love him,
but I have to admit he has a kind of pathetic appeal.
Probably his Latin charm,
you know, like Cesar Romero.
(audience laughing)
Well, I think I'll let him take the ad
out of the paper tomorrow.
What are you knitting?
Sweater.
It looks kinda small.
(audience laughing)
Oh, honey, calm down.
It's for the dog.
(audience laughing)
Oh!
(ringing)
I'll get it.
It's, uh, cute.
[June] Hmm.
Hello.
(acoustic guitar music)
[Beaver] Should we put some of Mom's bath salts
in the water?
Heck no!
When you're a dog, it spoils all the fun
if you can't smell like one.
(audience laughing)
[Beaver] You kinda like him now, huh, Wally?
[Wally] Well, I'm gettin' used
to him bein' funny lookin'.
I don't think it bothers him bein' funny lookin'.
To another dog, he's probably as good lookin'
as anybody is.
You know, Beaver, you're really gettin' a break.
Out of all the answers to the ad,
none of 'em was the right one.
Yeah, if the right one doesn't show up,
do ya think Dad will let me keep the dog?
I wouldn't be surprised.
I know Dad's kind of old, but he probably remembers
when he was a kid.
Yes, Mrs. Bennett.
Tomorrow morning will be fine.
Oh that's perfectly all right.
(clunking)
She sounds like the right one.
Well, she described him to a T.
Says his name's Poncho.
She's gonna pick him up in the morning.
Oh, Ward, the Beaver's gonna be heartbroken.
Yeah.
Well, um, maybe I shouldn't tell him tonight.
Maybe not.
I'll tell him in the morning.
[June] Hmm.
(instrumental music)
Beaver, a lady phoned last night, and it's her dog.
You sure, Dad?
Yeah.
(somber violin music)
She promised you a reward, though.
I don't want a reward.
I just want my dog.
But, Beaver, if it's her dog, you're just going
to have to give it back to her.
(quirky instrumental music)
But she hasn't seen it.
Maybe it's still the wrong dog.
No, I don't think so, Beaver.
Well, I've got to get my breakfast,
and you boys better get on to school.
Oh, she said the dog's name was Poncho.
(somber violin music)
We're both sorry, Beaver.
(kissing)
It's too bad about the dog, Beav.
I bet his name isn't Poncho.
I don't know, but we'd better get to school.
I think I'll go get my arithmetic book.
You've already got your arithmetic book.
Then I think I'll go get another book.
(audience laughing)
(strings music)
(slamming)
(whimpering)
Here, dog!
(whistling)
(audience laughing)
Here, Prince.
(whimpering)
Here, Sport. (Whistling)
(audience laughing)
(whimpering)
Here, Poncho.
(whimpering)
(sentimental strings music)
Oh, I can't understand it, Mrs. Bennett.
I've looked for that dog in the garage,
and in the basement, and this is the second time
I've looked through the boys' room.
Well your husband assured me Poncho would be here.
I was out of town, and I was so upset when I got back
to find out that Poncho had run away.
- Well, I
- I just know
that cleaning woman let him out.
She doesn't like dogs.
- Well who?
Of course I've never treated Poncho as a dog at all.
He's always been one of the family.
Well I can't imagine where he could be.
Well, you know how boys are.
I have no idea.
I never had any children, except Poncho.
You don't suppose that the boys are out playing
with him someplace?
Oh no, the boys are in school.
Oh I hope he hasn't run away again.
[Miss Canfield] Now do we all have
our poem memorized for today?
[Students] Yes, Miss Canfield.
Whitey, suppose you start us off.
The Wreck of the Asparagus, by Longfellow.
(audience laughing)
Uh, The Wreck of the Hesperus, by Longfellow.
Oh yeah.
It was the schooner Hesperus,
That sailed the wintry sea;
And the skipper had taken his little daughter,
To bear him company.
(audience laughing)
Oh that's very nice, Whitey.
Does anyone know what a skipper is?
(audience laughing)
Larry, how 'bout you?
(audience laughing)
I don't have to know nothing.
I was sick when you gave out the assignment.
(audience laughing)
Judy.
A skipper is the man who runs the ship,
and Larry was not sick when you gave out the assignment.
(audience laughing)
Thank you, Judy.
Linda, suppose you give us the next four lines.
Yes, Miss Canfield.
Blue were her eyes as the fairy-flax,
Her cheeks like the dawn of day.
(whimpering)
(audience laughing)
(whimpering)
What was that?
Theodore, are you making noises?
No, Miss Canfield.
All right, Linda, go on.
And her bosom white as the hawthorn buds,
That ope, ope in the month of May.
(whimpering)
(audience laughing)
[Miss Canfield] All right, just who is making the noise?
It came out of Beaver, Miss Canfield.
Is that right, Beaver?
(audience laughing)
Well, it came out of me, but I didn't make it.
Do you have something in your jacket?
You mean besides me?
I mean besides you.
Yes, Miss Canfield.
(whimpering)
(audience laughing)
(children laughing)
Beaver, you know we can't have dogs in school.
I know, but he's so small.
He's hardly a dog at all.
(children laughing)
But nevertheless, I
(bell ringing)
The rest of you go to lunch.
I wanna talk to Theodore.
[Student] A dog in this.
All right, class.
(students chattering)
(instrumental music)
I'm waiting for an explanation.
I thunk you was.
Beaver, I'm sure you wouldn't deliberately misbehave.
Did you bring the dog from home?
Uh, huh.
Well you'll just have to use your lunch hour
to take him back.
I can't do that.
I had to bring him.
Well I don't quite see why.
On a, on account of my father.
You mean your father doesn't like dogs?
No, I mean yes.
I mean I think he's allergic to 'em.
Well why did you bring the dog to school?
Uh, 'cause Dad's gonna give Poncho
to a mean old lady who hates dogs.
Oh, well if she hates dogs,
why is she going to take him?
I guess so she has something to be mean to.
(audience laughing)
Theodore, are you telling me the truth?
Not 'xactly.
Is any of it the truth?
No, hardly any.
Well I think we'd better take the dog
and go down to Mrs. Rayburn's office.
Gee, Miss Canfield, I'd expect Mr. Bloomgarden
to squeal on me, but I thunk you was my friend.
Well I I am your friend, Beaver.
That's one of the reasons I'm taking you
to Mrs. Rayburn's office.
Do you understand?
No, but if we gotta go, let's go now.
(audience laughing)
I'm sorry, Collins, but we can't have this kind
of slipshod work.
Look, you had the papers on this two weeks ago.
There's no reason for these delays.
They're costing us money.
Yeah.
(buzzing)
Uh, wait just a minute.
Yeah.
Who?
Mrs. Rayburn?
Well, I'll call her back.
All right, put her on.
Uh, hang on, Collins.
Hello, Mrs. Rayburn.
Mr. Cleaver, I wonder if you could come down to school.
It's about Theodore.
Yes, I think you should.
You see, he brought a dog with him to school today.
Well, Mrs. Rayburn, he couldn't have brought a dog
to school.
You see, a woman was coming by the house this mor
A small, light-brownish dog?
Uh, all right, Mrs. Rayburn.
I'll be right over.
Thank you for calling me.
Yes.
(clicking)
Uh, I'll get back to you later, Collins.
I've gotta go over to school and see about a Chihuahua.
(audience laughing)
It's a dog!
(audience laughing)
(somber instrumental music)
Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi, Mom.
Hi.
(slamming)
I gather Mrs. Rayburn got in touch with you.
She certainly did.
Beaver, go on upstairs to your room
and wait until I call you.
Yes, Dad.
Wally, you'd better go too.
Yes, Dad.
Dad, you're not mad at me, too, are ya?
Not yet.
Oh.
June, do you mean to tell me
that Mrs. Rayburn called here first?
Yes, but I thought you could handle it better.
Mrs. Rayburn used to be one of my teachers,
and she still makes me nervous.
Oh, I've had a delightful afternoon.
I had to cancel a business conference
in order to go over to school and find out
my son has no respect for the truth.
Now, Ward, before you go up there and punish him,
why don't we try to figure out why he did it?
What is there to figure out?
He did it because he wanted to keep somebody else's dog.
I think he did it because he felt the dog loved him
very much, and that was something he needed.
Oh, now wait a minute, June!
What do you mean, he needs love?
He's got parents, hasn't he?
Don't we love him?
Yes, but it's different with a little boy.
When a dog loves you, it doesn't ask a lot
of questions and make a lot of rules.
It just, loves you!
You know what I think?
I think you're dramatizing Beaver's motives
so I'll go easy on him.
Let's face it, he practically stole a dog!
But, Ward, if we don't
(doorbell ringing)
(audience laughing)
How do you do, Mrs. Cleaver?
I just stopped by again to see
if you've heard anything about Poncho.
Well, as a matter of fact, we have, Mrs. Bennett.
Oh, this is my husband, Mr. Cleaver.
[Ward and Mrs. Bennett] How do you do?
This is Poncho's mother.
I mean owner.
Ward, would you get the boys, please?
Won't you come in, Mrs. Bennett?
Oh, thank you.
All right, boys, the lady's here for the dog.
Wally, will you bring it downstairs, please?
Yes, Dad.
Beaver, I want you to come down
and apologize to Mrs. Bennett.
Do I gotta, Dad?
Seems like I'm apologizing to just about everybody
I know today.
(audience laughing)
I'd like to give your boy a reward.
Would you think a dollar would be sufficient
for the little fellow?
Well that's very nice of you, Mrs. Bennett,
but in view of what's happened,
I don't think he should take a reward.
(footsteps)
Poncho!
Oh, you bad, bad, naughty boy, you!
Why, shame on you for running away from these nice people.
He didn't run away from us nice people.
I took him to school and kept him there.
Well why in the world would you do that, little boy?
Well you see, I knew I was gonna have
to give him back to ya, but I only had him two days,
so I took him to school, because I figured
if I kept him a little longer
he might remember me a little better.
Well.
Well I certainly will never understand children.
Come along, Poncho.
You were a naughty boy.
Yes you were, a naughty, naughty boy to run away
and leave your mama.
Goodbye, Mrs. Bennet.
(somber instrumental music)
Dad, should I go up to my room now?
Yeah.
(footsteps clunking)
Are you still gonna punish him, Ward?
Yes I am, but with a little different attitude
than before.
Beaver's explanation certainly went
over Mrs. Bennett's head, didn't it?
(laughing) Yeah.
I'm sure glad it didn't go over mine.
(sentimental instrumental music)
So long, Eddy.
(clunking)
(slamming)
Hi, Mom, I'm home.
So you are.
How's school?
(clinking)
[Wally] You know.
Where's Beaver?
Oh he stayed after school.
He wanted to talk to Miss Canfield.
You mean she made him stay after?
No, he just wanted to tell her somethin'.
When I was Ieavin', he was tryin' to get up the nerve.
When's supper?
About an hour.
Good, I'm starved.
(audience laughing)
(quirky instrumental music)
[Miss Canfield] Oh, Beaver, you still at school?
Yes, Miss Canfield, I'm still at school.
(quirky instrumental music)
I just wanted to let you know I'm not mad at you
for squealing at me yesterday.
(audience laughing)
Oh, well I'm glad to know that, Beaver.
You know I have rules I must follow too.
Oh sure.
I understand now.
If you hadn't a' done it, I would have gotten away
with somethin' that would have got me
in a lot worser trouble.
That's right, Beaver.
You see that's why teachers have to be strict sometimes.
Well, if a teacher can keep you out of little troubles now,
there's a good chance you'll keep
out of bigger troubles later on.
Good night, Miss Canfield.
Good night, Beaver.
(footsteps thumping)
(instrumental music)
(instrumental music)