8 Simple Rules (2002) s01e24 Episode Script

1
Somebody get that?
Someone! I'm working!
Does anyone hear that?
Oh, yeah. Doorbell.
Oh, hi, boss.
Hi, Paul. Shouldn't
you be working?
No, actually, I
Rachel, your father's here!
Hey, want some coffee?
No. I'm running
errands. My wife and
I are having a party
tomorrow night.
Party.
More like Mardi Gras.
You're having a party?
Oh, I would have
invited you, Paul,
but it's just my sportswriters.
You know, I used
to write sports.
You sure did.
Too bad you can't come,
'cause we're having lamb. Mmm.
- Bye.
- Hey, bye, Mr. Hennessy.
- I'll see you at my parents'
- Rachel! Time to go.
See you, buddy.
Daddy, I need to
check my e-mail.
Sweetheart, I'm working.
Is that more important
than your family?
At the end of your life,
are you gonna think back,
"If only I had more
time to work"?
No. I'm thinking that right now.
Bridget!
Paul, she is mass e-mailing
gossip about Jenna Sharpe.
How many times have I told you
not to slander my boss's daughter
- from our home computer.
- Oh, lovely, Paul.
Jenna had something
embarrassing happen,
and now Bridget
is milking it for
all it's worth.
It's just not nice.
What happened?
She sat on a
couch in the library
- and made this rude noise.
- Rude noise?
Like that.
- Ahh.
- That was what Jenna said.
She was sitting down, trying to
get the couch to make the noise.
We're like "Yeah, right,
Jenna, just own it."
You know, this isn't funny.
I have been reading a lot lately
about how cruel
teenage girls can be.
You know, when I
was in high school,
there was this girl that
everybody thought was a loser.
And she was self-conscious
and awkward, and, you know,
but really, really nice,
once you got to know her.
Aww, and that girl was you.
No! It was Denise Fabio.
I have two eyebrows.
Oh, lovely, Cate.
You're reading a
little bit too much,
Mom. It's all a
bunch of media hype.
What's that supposed to mean?
Sometimes, to sell a
bunch of magazines,
they'll write these
big articles
I know what "media hype" means.
I'm just saying I agree with your
mother about your little group,
with its cool clothes,
own language, code of behavior
It's like a girls Mafia.
There's no such
thing as a girls Mafia.
Just a highly-structured
secret society
with a set of rules
and severe consequences.
There's a secret society?
No.
I hate that Jenna! She's evil!
Yesterday she was like, "I
love your jacket. It's so you."
Today I see her, and she's
wearing the same jacket.
Like she's stealing my soul
or something.
God, she is so petty.
Bridget, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
Yeah, but I don't think
we'd ever get away with it.
I meant, aren't you the one
who's being petty?
Oh. No, we weren't thinking
the same thing at all.
- Jeez!
- What's wrong, honey?
Got off the phone
with Tommy. Because
I missed the last
two poker nights,
he's given my chair to somebody
else. You know, It's not fair.
I've been part of
that sportswriters
poker night ever
since it started.
But you're not a
sportswriter anymore.
Thank you. Tommy
pointed that out too.
This is what happens when
you don't show up at the office.
Out of sight, out of mind.
You're gonna be there next week.
- I am?
- Yeah.
For Take Your
Daughter to Work Day.
Oh, great!
You guys can see
where Daddy works.
Daddy, you work
in our living room.
Done.
I'll have you know, I am
a vital part of the Detroit Post.
There is marketing research
where readers say the reason
they buy it is to read my column.
Those forms you had me fill out?
Besides that.
- The forms you had me fill out?
- Everybody does that.
You think I'm gonna let you goof
around the house by yourselves?
- Well, I assumed
- Aha!
No, never assume.
Because when you assume,
you make an "ass"
out of "u" and "me."
Wow. That is really
- Lame?
- Yes.
I think Take Your Daughter
to Work Day is discrimination.
Rory's right. A
man should be able
to take all his
children to work.
Hey, I have a job too, you know.
A job I actually go to.
Wanna come to
the hospital with me?
Or to the newspaper with me?
Big presses, jelly donuts.
Don't make me
choose between Dad
Student nurses and bloody guys.
Hospital.
OK, girls, here it is:
the Sports Department.
This is where
your father cut his
journalistic teeth.
Take it all in.
- Done.
- Let's go.
No, wait. Come here.
Get back here. Come on.
Your father spent
many happy years right here.
Mister, did you know our father?
Yes, and he never spoke of you.
Now, knock it off. This,
right here, used to be my desk.
This is where it all happened.
This was the hub,
the heartbeat, if
you will, where
all the guys met.
We were like a band of brothers.
Hey, brother, get off my desk.
That's just some snappy
newspaper banter. Priceless.
I was telling the girls
that used to be my desk.
That's right, I forgot. I gotta
cover the Tigers double-header.
- Visit more often.
- Visit? What?
- I work here.
- Sorry, I'm an idiot.
You write that Slice Of Life
thing from home.
My wife loves it.
- Well, gotta go.
- OK. That's Artie.
Oh, my God, look,
that's Jenna Sharpe.
God, she copies everything I do.
So you guys are dressed alike.
That's just a coincidence.
- You make it sound sinister.
- You are a child.
She so wants to be me. Her
father works at the same paper.
Just be nice.
Hi, Rachel. Hi, Jenna.
- Hi, Mr. Hennessy.
- Hello, Bridget.
Go on, speak, boss's daughters.
Hello. Sit on any
couches lately?
Bridget!
Ooh.
Here it comes.
Clash of the titans.
I told you this would get ugly.
What ever.
Oh, for Come on.
You are guests at the newspaper.
Stop acting like
you're in high school.
- Hey, Hennessy.
- I'm not talking to you, Tommy.
- Hey, Poppa H.
- Kyle? What are you doing here?
He could ask you the same thing.
I've had enough of you.
- I work here.
- Trouble in the ranks?
Hennessy, I'd like to speak
with you in private.
Ooh.
Hennessy's in trouble.
Hennessy's in trouble.
Why are you on my case, Nick?
I did that so I
could talk to you.
And I wanted to look like a
big shot in front of my girls.
But you made me look bad
in front of mine.
I owe you a beer.
What's really going on here?
I was up all night
with Jenna sobbing in my arms
because some kids at school
teased her for a, um
noisy couch.
- Noisy couch?
OK, yeah. I understand.
The one day she
forgot to take her pill.
That's shameful.
It's a natural phenomenon.
It's like they're making fun
of God's handiwork.
Exactly.
There's this one mean girl
who's leading the charge.
Really? Jeez. Did Jenna happen
to mention who the mean girl was?
No. She knows I'd hunt down the
kid's father.
Perhaps get physical.
- I see.
- Thanks for the little chat.
When we go back in there, could
you act like you were crying?
- No!
- All right, all right. OK.
- Hey, Beach, having fun?
- Yeah. Kind of. I mean,
for the fifty-third
worst day of my life. You OK?
Yeah, I'm fine.
It's just one of those days.
You rank the days?
Never mind, never mind.
It's just, you know, I pitched
five column ideas to Nick,
he rejected four,
said he'd think about one.
Oh, Dad, I'm sorry
you're not cool around here.
Cool? Honey, cool
doesn't even enter
into the equation
in the adult world.
They don't judge
me by how cool I am.
I am judged solely
by the quality of my work.
Paul, I've thought
about that idea.
No.
- Ouch. That's gotta hurt.
- Are you kidding?
Honey, you just roll
with the punches. That's all.
Come here. Something's happened.
What?
Oh, my God!
Hi, Bridget.
Daddy, can I go out
with Kyle on Saturday?
Well
That's my sad face.
- Convinced?
- OK.
Boss's daughter. Way to rebound.
Bridget. Bridget, you've gotta
take the high
road. Stay above it.
Roll with the punches.
Tommy, I'll see
you at poker tonight?
Got the whole
chair set up for you.
Oh, my God!
You gave Nick my seat!
Tommy, you didn't tell me
that I was taking Paul's seat.
This is uncomfortable.
Hope it's lucky.
You
So, Nick, what kind
of beer do you like?
Rory, I hope you had fun at the
hospital and learned something.
Sure did, Mom.
I picked up a lot.
I'm gonna go visit
the Doyles. See ya.
I can't believe Kyle's
going out with Jenna.
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
That must be painful,
your ex-boyfriend
going out with someone else.
You know, when I
was in high school,
there was this girl who went
through the very same thing.
She had such a hard time.
- Aw, and that girl was you?
- No!
Oh, right. "Denise Fabio."
I don't care about
Kyle. Everyone's
gonna think Jenna stole him.
If they would focus,
they'd remember
that I already dumped him. God!
And it's already
all over school that
Bridget's old boyfriend
prefers Jenna.
I can't believe this. Now, I'm
gonna be an outcast
just like Daddy.
Bridget, I'm not an outcast.
- How was Nick's party?
- How are Jenna and Kyle?
- Paul!
- She started it.
- Paul!
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
You know, without due respect,
I think I can help you.
I know how to play this game.
That's the difference
between teens
and adults. I don't play games.
Yeah, and Mom's not
really Denise Fabio.
This is gonna pad
a lot of G-strings.
Not so fast, pilgrim.
I got a couple
of cowboys in this corral.
Three chicks with a
pair of kings? Brilliant.
By the way, that John Wayne
impression's the best I've heard.
- Do it again.
- Pilgrim.
Hey, fellas. Hi.
Hennessy, what
are you doing here?
I'm part of the group.
Thought I'd drop
by in case somebody
wants to sit out.
I told you we have a full table.
Let him stay. Fresh meat.
So how is everybody?
Did someone say something?
So, Nick, you catch
the Pistons game last night?
I was up all night
with a crying kid.
Don't worry. I taped it.
Turn it off after
the final buzzer or
you'll watch Kyle's
sixth birthday.
- You tape over family videos?
- Just the stuff with the kids.
They don't even
look like that anymore.
- How do the Tigers look?
- They couldn't look any worse
Paul, Paul, let's let the
sports guys field this question.
If I wanna know
about Civil War reenactments
or how itchy the authentic
underwear is, then I'll ask you.
It feels good hanging out
with you guys.
But, you know, Nick, that article
did get a lot of positive mail.
Yeah, how is Rory?
All right, seven card high-low.
I'm gonna take you down, Sharpe.
That'll be the day.
It's incredible. He is the Duke!
Scout, my daddy told me I could
shoot all the blue jays I wanted,
but it's a sin to
kill a mockingbird.
Hennessy, what the
hell are you saying?
Gregory Peck. To
Kill a Mockingbird.
Directed by Robert Mulligan, one
of the greatest Never mind.
Dad, I'm using the car to go
someplace and see some people.
- Don't know when I'll be back.
- Fine. Go.
That's a great kid. Looks
nothing like me, but a great kid.
- Well, he's made my Jenna happy.
- Already?
Do John Wayne.
Nick, I forget,
is there a trellis right
outside Jenna's bedroom window?
Why? You don't think? I'm out.
Nice going, Scout.
OK, I'm ready.
Teach me everything.
I knew you would come, Father.
It was only a matter of time.
OK, you remember
everything I said
about there being no such thing
as a girls Mafia?
Well, there is. But all cliques
have the same structure.
See, at the top,
you have the Queen Bee.
- In your case, Mr. Queen Bee.
- That's Nick Sharpe. Got it.
OK, next we have the sidekick.
Not as pretty as the Queen Bee,
- but always sucks up to her.
- Well, that's Tommy.
- That's so Tommy, right there.
- OK. Then we have the wannabe.
She'll do anything
to get in with the Queen.
- You lost me.
- OK, like when you do
Gregory Peck
impressions at parties,
weddings, our answering machine.
So sue me
if I presume people enjoy that.
Aha! Never presume,
because when you presume,
you press you to me.
- Eww, gross! That doesn't work.
- OK, all right. Just go on.
OK, what you need to do
is get in real good with Nick.
Then get him to tell you
an awful secret about himself.
Then tell everybody,
thereby overthrowing him,
putting you back on top.
I take you to church.
Fine. Be a wannabe
the rest of your life.
I am so not a
wannabe. But it goes
against everything I stand for.
Everything I teach
my children. Bridget,
I have to ask myself,
would Gregory
Peck do something like that?
Yes. I believe he would.
- Artie. Where's Nick?
- Snack machines. What's up?
Let's just say there's
a new queen in town.
Never leave sports.
- Hey, Nick.
- Oh. Busted.
Yeah, I eat chocolate when I'm
depressed. It's
my dirty little secret.
Secret? Huh.
Wanna talk about it?
Well, I, uh
I guess I can tell you.
I'm saying
it's coming from upstairs.
I'm gonna let Artie
and a couple others go.
- You're laying people off?
- Damn budget cuts.
It's the only way
I can save my performance bonus.
Wow, what a relief
to get that off my chest.
Keep this confidential.
Boy, you'd be a pretty unpopular
fellow if news like this got out.
- Well, see you.
- Where you going?
Uh, nowhere. No Um, why?
Thanks for listening.
Hey, I know I can
be a jerk sometimes,
but, uh, you're a
good man, Paul.
Hug?
I'll tell you, Cate,
I had Nick right
where I wanted him
and I couldn't do it.
I actually felt
compassion for the guy.
And I realized, what would I get
if I betrayed Nick's confidence?
A seat at that
stupid poker game.
Who is this enlightened man?
If he fires those guys, they'll
let me right back in, right?
Ah, there he is.
But I'll say no because I don't
want any part of that group.
And then I'll laugh.
You know, honey, you
should consider being a mentor.
Listen to me. You're right. Why
did that stuff bother me so much?
Oh, Paul, when I left nursing,
I told myself
that I would always be
a part of the gang.
But every time I dropped by,
I felt like an outsider.
I wasn't up on
the in-jokes or the
gossip and I really
felt abandoned.
Finally, I realized that I was
grieving for my nursing career.
Maybe I wasn't
clear on the question.
Why did that nonsense bother me?
- Never mind, Paul. Never mind.
- Grieving! Yeah, I got it.
Grieving.
- Hey, Daddy.
- Hey.
Daddy, you look sad.
Well I'm grieving.
I'm I'm not a sportswriter
anymore and I'm grieving.
Oh.
I get really sad when I
give my old clothes to Kerry.
- So you understand.
- Totally.
You've been really
upset lately. Maybe
you're going through
the same thing.
You mean I could
be grieving the life
I had before Jenna
came into town,
stole my friends,
my sense of style
Keep going.
No, no, it's crazy
because I don't
wanna be with him or anything,
because it's so over,
but a part of me,
a small part of me
- I miss Kyle!
- Ohh.
I miss sports!
OK, I'm done. I'm good. I'm good.
That's it? Grieving
process is over?
Let me check.
Yeah, I'm good.
Wait, wait, wait! Hang on!
Hang on a second.
You're OK with
Jenna and Kyle now?
Everyone thinks Jenna's
a boyfriend-stealing tramp.
There's a petition
asking that nobody
has dealings with
that nasty business.
Wait, that's mean.
When her Dad finds out,
somebody's gonna
have hell to pay.
Hello, pilgrim.
Kerry defiled my
Avril Lavigne poster.
I went to Mom and Dad.
They told us to work it out.
I want justice, Bridget.
You go to Mom and Dad first?
What have I done
that you insult me like this?
This, the day
that I'm studying for finals.
I meant no disrespect.
I will help you.
But someday,
and this day may never come,
I may call on you
to do me a favor.
Will you two do me
a favor and shut up?
These grapes are really sour.