Family Affair (1966) s01e24 Episode Script

1
Sissy, how old do you have to be before
you can use lipstick?
It all depends, Buffy.
Some parents think you have to be real
old.
Like 12?
Like even 15.
15?
I'm only 6.
You mean I have to wait for 15 take or 6.
We haven't had that yet.
Yeah.
Why'd you want to use lipstick anyways?
Lipstick's dumb.
Jody, why don't you go watch television?
Okay.
And I'll take Mrs. Beasley with me.
Hey, don't!
She's taking a nap!
What's going on?
She's after me.
Jody, you bring her back!
Buffy, Jody, stop that this minute.
Now, look what you've done.
Don't you realize your uncle is trying to
work?
We're sorry, Mr. French.
We were just having some fun.
I have told you children repeatedly that I
will not tolerate running about the house.
Any damage, sir?
No, they just knocked over the longest
bridge in Venezuela.
I have warned you before that you would be
punished if this happened again.
What are you going to do to us?
There will be no television tonight or
tomorrow night.
No television two nights?
Well, Miss Captain Hippopotamus.
He'll have to get along without you.
But this week he might get rescued from
the Wicked Witch.
And you will both go to bed immediately.
Please, Mr. French.
Can't we listen, Uncle Bill?
Yeah, can't we?
No, you just listen to Mr. French.
Now, he's in charge of the discipline
around here.
Thank you, sir.
There will be no television and no
argument.
Now to your beds, both of you.
No, Captain.
Hippopotamus, Mrs. Beasley.
And it's your favorite program.
Do you think I was too severe,
sir?
No, no, I think you're just right.
Well, then, why do I feel like a
landlocked Captain Blythe?
Well, I guess because discipline is just
as hard on us as it is on them.
And we've just got to figure out some way
to take it while we're dishing it out.
Oh, Mr. Davis, would it inconvenience you
if I switched my day off this week?
A Friday instead of Thursday?
No, why?
Well, you see, my friend Mr. Withers is getting
married, and he's asked me to stand up with him.
You remember Withers, sir?
Yeah, yeah, I work for the Donaldsons.
Yes, yes, an excellent Butler.
A Butler giving up a brilliant career for
what may well be a matrimonial disaster.
However, it may work, Hanson.
Yeah, let's hope for the best.
Sir, excuse me.
Are you sure I did the right thing?
About television, that is.
Yeah.
There'll be no Captain Hippopotamus for
them tonight.
You.
mean everybody who gets married gets a
present?
That's right.
Why?
Because marriage is held to be the
happiest estate of a man's life.
And the gift is intended to express that
happiness.
He means Mr. Weathers is going to be very
happy when he's married.
Oh.
Good afternoon.
May I help you?
Yes, please.
We're just watching.
And then we're going to the park.
Jody, please.
I'd like to see your assortment of
sterling silver pickle forks.
Ah, someone is getting married.
It's Mr. Weathers.
He's going to live in Connecticut with his
wife, and they'll be very happy.
Children do be quiet.
Here you are, sir.
Does anything strike your fancy?
The barclay pattern is quite popular.
Yes, that's Weathers, all right.
Ah, the lucky bridegroom.
I've arranged to have Friday off,
Mr. Weathers.
Good.
Then you shall be the first to kiss the
bride.
I'll be the first to kiss the bride.
After me, of course.
Mr. French is giving you a pickle fork.
Buffy.
Now, why don't you and Jody run along and
play?
Ah, Weathers, I wish I were in your shoes.
A lovely wife, a new career in Bridgeport,
Connecticut.
What more could a man ask for?
Oh, children, do run along and play,
will you?
Buffy.
Buffy.
Did you hear that?
Uh-huh.
He wants to be wearing Mr. Withers' shoes.
What does that mean?
I guess it means Mr. French wants a wife,
too.
Why?
So he can be happy, like Mr. Withers.
I thought he was already happy.
Oh, I don't think he's a bit happy.
You mean Mr. French would like a pickle
for her?
And a wife, too?
Uh-huh.
Maybe we ought to try to get him one.
A pickle for her?
After we get him a wife.
Where would she live?
With us, I guess.
She'd want to be with Mr. French.
Jody!
How about Miss Patterson?
Peter and his family are moving to
California next week.
She'll be good.
Unless she's going with them.
I'll find out.
Hi.
Hi, Jody.
Hi, Peter.
Hello, Miss Patterson.
Hello, Buffy.
Peter, want to go look for rocks?
What do we do when we find them?
Throw them in the pond and lose them.
Okay.
Would you like to sit down, Miss
Patterson?
Thank you, Buffy.
Miss Patterson, do you like Mr. French?
Well, I've only met him recently,
but he seems to be a very nice gentleman.
Why do you ask?
Oh, just because.
Peter will miss Jody.
They get along so well.
Are you going with them to California?
No, I'm staying right here in the city.
Hmm.
How would you like to come and live with
us?
Well, I'd like to very much, Buffy.
But, um, what about you?
What about Mr. French?
Oh, he won't mind.
He'll be very happy.
I gotta go talk to Jody.
We sure had a good time buying that
wedding present with you today, Mr. French.
And the park was fun, too.
Do you like Miss Fabersham?
A charming woman.
She likes you, too.
I'm delighted.
Wouldn't it be nice if she came to live
with us?
I Just what do
you mean by that?
Oh, nothing.
Peter says she's swell.
Yeah, she never yells or anything.
Oh, if you children are referring to
Captain Hippopotamus and other such
punishment last night, I I wasn't aware
that I yelled.
Oh, I didn't say you yelled.
We just said that she didn't.
Well, in other words, you're both quite
fond of Miss Patterson.
Couldn't it be nice if she came to live
with us, Jody?
It sure would.
Can I have.
coffee tonight?
No, Jody, I think that's mine.
Oh, excuse me, son.
There we go.
You forget cream and sugar?
Oh, so I have said excuse me.
Uncle Bill, I don't know what's gotten
into Mr. French.
He's been like that ever since I got home.
Well, he's got something on his mind.
Anything happen in the park today?
Yeah, I learned how to skip rocks.
Somehow I don't think that's it.
Why don't you kids go do your homework?
We already did.
That's no excuse.
Go do it again.
Come on, kids.
Gee whiz.
I even did Mrs. Beasley's homework.
I believe I have it right this time,
sir.
Thank you.
Uh, French, I think we ought to have a
little talk now.
I know something's bothering you.
What is it?
It's Buffy and Jody, sir.
Buffy and Jody?
Yes, sir.
My heavy-handed revocation of their
television rights has turned them against me.
I believe they're comparing me unfavorably
with my brother Giles.
Oh, come on.
They're crazy about both of you.
About Giles, perhaps, but not about me.
I strongly suspect they'd be much happier
with someone else around the house.
Well, a professional nanny would be
less inclined to to arouse their antagonism.
Well, they're not antagonistic at all.
Well, maybe we were a little strict with
them last night.
Have I your permission to declare a
temporary armistice?
Right.
Let's see if we can be, uh, extra kind and
sympathetic for the next few days.
Kind and sympathetic.
Yes.
Yes, I agree.
You.
know, Buffy, Mr. French sure been acting
nice to us today.
Awful nice.
We didn't even have to wash our hands when
we came home from school.
Here we are, children.
A little surprise for you.
Golly punch.
And a fresh batch of cookies.
Nothing more festive than an occasional
cookie party.
Is it all right to eat some before dinner?
That's against the rule.
Oh, rules are made to be broken,
Jody.
And by the way, when you tire of your checker
game, you might care to watch television in the den.
That's against the rule, too.
Don't we have to do our homework first?
Well, not today, Jody, but I'll be glad to
help you with it after dinner.
Next to Uncle Bill.
He's the goodest guy in the world.
And we gotta find him the goodest wife.
Mr. Pfefferman.
Mr. French, while packing Peter's toys, I came
across this one, which he said might belong to Jody.
Well, we shall soon find out.
Jody?
It's Miss Fabersham.
Hi, Miss Fabersham.
Are we glad to see you.
Want to play checkers with us?
I'm afraid checkers for three would be
rather difficult.
Besides, Miss Fabersham is not down here
to play games with you children.
Is this yours, Jody?
Yes, thanks.
Miss Fabersham.
You could play checkers with Mr. French.
I'd love to.
But I really must get back to my packing.
That must be the delivery boy.
I've ordered your favorite dessert for
dinner tonight.
Chocolate chip ice cream.
Excuse me.
I'll see you later, children.
Miss Fabersham, are you taking Peter to
the park tomorrow?
Yes.
It's his last day.
We'll be there, too.
Thank you.
But where's Mr. French?
Good.
Then we can all sit down and have a nice
little chat.
Well, Jody and I will be playing with
Peter, throwing rocks and stuff,
but you can have a nice chat with Mr.
French.
He's a real good chatterer.
I'm sure he is.
Good day, children.
How are we going to get him married?
Sorry, Buffy.
We can't even get him to play checkers.
We better do something pretty soon.
She said tomorrow was her last day with
Peter.
I know.
If Miss Patterson found out what a good cookie
baker Mr. French is, she'd be glad to marry him.
I know I would.
I'll go get him.
We'll take some up to her.
Well now, Buffy, shall we go into the den and
find something exciting to watch on television?
You can watch it, Mr. French.
Is it all right if Jody and me take some
cookies up to Miss Patterson?
Yeah.
Can we?
I suppose so.
Thanks.
Thanks.
She's so nice.
French.
says you wanted to see us.
Yeah, I just want to ask you one simple
question.
Why don't you like Mr. French?
Uncle Bill, we like Mr. French a whole
lot.
We love him.
He's wonderful.
He's our best friend.
He's our best friend in the whole world,
next to you and Cissy.
Is that all you wanted to see us about,
Uncle Bill?
Yeah, I guess that's all.
Go on, get ready for supper now.
Now,
just talk to the kids.
Yes, I know, sir.
They dislike me.
No, no, you got them all wrong.
They love you, French.
They're crazy about you.
But they said nothing about Miss
Feversham.
Not one word.
Now, you got nothing to worry about.
Are you sure, sir?
No doubt about it.
Those kids are telling the truth.
Oh, sir.
I'm, I'm most relieved, sir.
Of course, children.
We came to say goodnight.
We'll put ourselves to bed.
Oh, I must say you're both most
considerate and well-mannered.
Thanks for the ice cream.
And the cookies.
You're very welcome.
See you in the morning.
Not tomorrow, I'm afraid.
I shall be leaving early for Connecticut
and the wedding.
Goodnight, Mr. French.
Goodnight, Mr. French.
Goodnight, children.
You see, Buffy, this'll be a great room
for Miss Favrecham.
Shh, not so loud, Jody.
It's supposed to be a secret.
Jody, I don't think we're going to have enough
money to buy Mr. French a silver pickle fork.
Yeah, I guess we'll just have to buy him
some pickle.
All right, sis.
Where are the kids?
They're in their rooms.
Uncle Bill, I could hardly wait till you
came home.
You have got to speak to them and tell
them they're all wrong.
Wrong about what?
I took them to the park today, and all they
would talk about is Miss Baversham upstairs.
Peter's family is moving west,
you know, and Yeah, I know.
What about her?
They kept talking about how happy they
would be when she moved in.
Here.
Here.
With us.
With us?
No, they couldn't have said that.
But they did.
They did?
Oh.
Good evening, Mrs. Good evening.
Listen.
Cissy tells me that the kids are
interviewing a replacement for you.
Children's minds work in strange ways,
huh?
I discovered their attitude towards me
last night.
when they came to inspect my room as to
its suitability for Miss Faversham.
Well, you're not leaving.
It's high time they found out.
Now, you stay here.
Come on.
That's it.
Hi, Uncle Bill.
Hi.
How was the wedding, Mr. French?
Never mind that.
Now, just what's all this business about
Miss Faversham you two been cooking up, huh?
We can't tell you.
It's a surprise.
Not anymore, it isn't.
Now, can you tell me why you want her for
a nanny?
Oh, we don't want her for us.
We want her for Mr. French.
For French.
So he can be happy.
Like Mr. Withers is going to be.
Thank you, Jordan.
Mr. French is as good as nanny as his
brother.
Yeah.
You want Mr. French to be happy,
huh?
Well, that's good because everybody wants
to be happy.
We all need that very much.
But each one of us has to find happiness
in his own way, see?
What does that mean, Uncle Bill?
Well, some people are very
happy when they're out in a
sailboat or looking at the
sunset or something like that.
But Mr. French is happy when he's just
doing his job the best he can.
Wouldn't he be happier if there was a Mrs.
French?
Well, now, maybe he would, but that's for
him to decide, not you or me.
Someday he'll meet a lady that he loves.
And then he'll get married.
Don't you worry.
I can hardly wait to get married.
Not me.
I like it the way I am.
Well, I think being a bachelor at your age
is okay.
But you'll get married someday,
and so will I.
Well, my wife better like turtles.
Liking the same things does help in
marriage.
My husband is gonna be tall and handsome.
Maybe he will be.
But even if he's not, she won't know the
difference.
Why not?
Because you'll be in love with him.
And that's what marriage is all about,
see?
Love.
And my husband and me will live happily
ever after?
Just like we do?
Yep.
Just like we do.
Just.
like we do.