The Troop (2009) s01e24 Episode Script

Hayley All right,
holding cell check is done.
Felix TroopgGrid surveillance
sensitivity set to 'maximum'.
I'm almost done cleaning
up the popcorn I spilt.
[elevator clanks]
He's here, everybody.
All right, look alive now.
We need to bring our 'A' game.
Jake What's the big deal?
We have monsters in here
all the time.
Stockley Not like this one.
I know we've fought some of
the most horrific monsters
anyone could image but now we
step through the looking glass
into the black hole of evil.
I just hope your training
is equal to the task of
Dr. Cranius.
[elevator door rumbles]
[music stops]
Jake It's just a sponge.
It's a sponge that's
also the black hole of evil.
[music stops]
Okay, dude, seriously,
where is that music coming from?
[music stops]
Huh?
[music plays]
Oh, sorry guys.
Excuse me.
I have to change my ring tone.
Hey, Mom.
Hi.
Stockley To review: you're
all going to take turns guarding
Dr. Cranius while International
builds a supermax facility.
Take the utmost precaution.
Do not get too close to him.
Try not to look him in the eye.
And above all,
do not talk to Dr. Cranius.
Is that clear?
Can I just ask
a quick question?
Of course.
He looks like a sponge.
That's not a question.
Why are we guarding a sponge?
Better.
Dr. Cranius is a
manipulative, evil genius.
He once nearly destroyed the
town of Schenectady, New York
using nothing but a diving
mask and a rubber stamp.
Also, he went to Harvard.
Cool.
Stockley No, not cool.
He's evil.
Even I was once his victim.
What happened?
He talked me into painting
him black then building
a catapult to launch him onto
a coal truck so he could escape.
I was young and my love of
catapults got the better of me.
Cranius So, Stockley,
we meet again.
It's Mr. Stockley,
and I haven't forgotten
our last meeting.
You know, I was almost burned
in that power plant furnace
with the rest of my
anthracite friends.
But it was worth it because
shortly thereafter,
I stopped a government program
to synthesize ice cream
out of thin air.
I'd say America got
its just desserts.
[evil laugh]
I'd like to ask
you a few questions.
Cranius Ow!
I can feel that, you know.
Stockley Good, now what was
your plan when we captured you?
You know I can't
tell you that.
One has a code
of evil, after all.
Oh, really?
[click, sizzle]
A three-way bulb.
I might have guessed.
Answer my question!
Tell me what
you were working on!
That's not a question.
[click, sizzle]
You can't.
I'm happy to sit here all
night and watch you dehydrate.
[sizzle]
All right, all right!
I'll talk.
Give me water, please.
I beg you.
I'm listening.
The job I had when
you picked me up
At the spa?
A cover to meet a contact.
Info was passed.
The evaporation.
Oh, everythingdizzy.
[groan]
Take him away.
[whirs and thumps]
Cranius Last time I was in
Troop custody was in St. Tropez.
I was going to make it
the base of my ocean empire.
Beautiful girls in St. Tropez.
I remember this one
red-headwell,
let's just say evil
isn't my only weakness.
But you probably know all
about beautiful girls, right?
[chuckle]
No? Well, here's
a little free advice.
If you want a girl
to like you, flatter her.
You like her hair,
your like her earrings.
Don't make it too complicated.
Flattery works.
But
Ahem.
Cranius Right, don't
talk to the evil guy.
You're obviously well-prepared.
You're chief security liaison,
I assume.
Top man, top job.
Securityliaison?
Oh, maybe you're
not the liaison.
Maybe it's someone else.
I guess you wouldn't
tell me either way.
Hayley Hey, Etienne.
I see you're having a
car wash on Saturday too.
Yeah, we're trying
to raise money
for the Temblor speaker system.
It's two times louder than what
hearing experts recommend!
Cool, yeah, but we were
having a car wash Saturday.
Etienne Can you change it?
We've planned ours for months.
We put a pop-up virus on
the Lakewood High website
and everything.
All right.
I'll see if I can
change the date.
Ah, dude, you're
a life saver.
[school bell rings]
Hey, Alicia.
Hey, Jake.
What's up?
I just wanted to say
how much I liked your hair.
I love how it flows like
a beautiful blonde river.
It's so cool.
Really?
Thanks.
Well, see you around.
I hope so.
Look, there was a conflict
between our car wash
and the AV club's.
It's the same day
so I told that to Etienne
I'd see if I can move it
so, yeah, just let me know.
Okay, I'll talk to you later.
Call me back, bye.
Cranius I wouldn't do that
if I wanted to get into Harvard.
Hah.
Cranius And, I know about
Harvard and it's love
of car wash organizers
in particular
because as you can probably
tell, I went there.
But if you want to sabotage
yourself, be my guest.
What's wrong with just
changing the date though?
Wonderful.
A copycat car wash.
That'll work.
Do you want to go
to copycat Harvard?
Copycat Harvard?
You know it as Yale.
Don't back down.
This Etienne is made of pudding.
He'll cave at the
slightest show of force.
Felix How's he doing?
Ah, super, excellent,
super-spongy.
It's great, yeah, bye.
Cranius So, you must be
my chief security liaison.
I know what you're thinking,
how do I know it's you
and not the girl?
Or Jake?
Oh, you don't have to be a
three-dimensional sudoku master
to see it.
I mean, Jake may not think
you're tough but I do.
[water sloshes]
Wait.
Jake doesn't think I'm tough?
Cranius You know, it's
not really my place to say.
If I were you, I'd start
projecting moreduende.
Duende?
It's a term
I first encounter at Harvard,
where I went.
It means authenticity,
soulmachismo even,
but so much more.
Our old friend Garcia Lorca
said it best: "The arrival
of the authentic
anticipates always
a radical change."
Si.
Si.
[sizzle]
Stockley Two, zero,
eight, zero South Street.
And, I got Alicia's number,
and a bunch of other
girl's numbers, and the
grounds keeper's number.
Flattery is obvious
but it works.
Cranius You, my friend,
are a smooth operator.
And handsome.
Oh, thank you!
I don't know how to repay you.
You're happiness
is my reward.
Of course, well, oh never mind.
Jake Wait, come on.
Cranius Maybe something
beautiful to look at.
A girl?
A beach?
Harvard.
Harvard Yard, The Coop,
Wigglesworth Hall.
Maybe something on poster board.
Ah, I don't
know, Dr. Cranius.
You're suppose to be evil.
You're right.
It's better not
to talk to me at all.
You'll find out about Stage Two
for getting the ladies
some other way.
Stage Two?
Well, if you want to get
Alicia really interested,
text her best friend.
That sounds a little sketchy.
Human nature is
sketchy, dear boy.
And speaking of sketchy,
I think Felix is in line
for the security
liaison position.
My security liaison position?
It should be yours.
You're smart.
Maybe not book smart, but
Street smart.
Not that exactly.
I have emotional
intelligence?
Cranius Um, not that either.
But somehow you're smart.
Felix doesn't
think so, but I do.
And I went to Harvard.
[approaching footsteps]
Felix Hello, Jake.
Were you talking to Dr. Cranius?
Jake No.
Were you?
No.
Jake Nice day today.
Felix Indeed.
[Cranius chuckles softly]
Air is stimulating for
the animal appetitesss.
Is something up with you?
I was going to ask you
the same question.
[Cranius laughs]
[coughs]
Felix Sorry, what was that?
Cranius Nothing, carry on.
Felix So what's up
with you, Jake?
[evil laugh]
Amy Oh, Hayley.
Okay, it took a ton of work
but I moved the car wash
till next week.
Great.
Yeah, now change it back.
What?
Hayley Cheerleaders
do not back down, Amy.
When the team is behind,
do we stop cheering?
No.
Hayley When a player
is injured or there's a fire,
do we stop cheering?
No!
How big a fire?
Look, I don't care what
the AV club is doing but we
are going on with this car wash
as if our very future
depends on it.
Yay Wombats
Yada yada.
Jake Hi, Hayley.
Hello, Jake.
How's the prisoner?
I don't know.
I don't talk to him to find out.
Me either.
Uh hm.
You're up, Jake.
I know.
I'll be there.
Don't worry about it.
Where is the salt
that gives this job savor.
I was worrying first.
So don't worry
because I'm already worrying.
Maybe so, friend-o.
But you're going to have to get
up pretty early to out-worry me.
I'll tell you what, call it.
Jake Tails.
That's correct but that
doesn't mean anything.
[thud]
Felix Ah! Darn!
Jake Felix is after
that security liaison job.
Cranius You have to prove you
can build a better mousetrap.
Yes!
Mice!
Not a literal
mousetrap, Jake.
Oh.
Cranius Top of my head,
but maybe you build a new
surveillance system for me.
Now you have to sit next
to my pen your entire shift.
How could you see me from
any room in headquarters?
What would reflect
my image throughout?
I shinny sword?
A silver tray.
Cranius (whispers) Mirrors.
Mirrors!
Cranius Brilliant.
A system of mirrors.
You astound me.
Thanks.
I'm pretty good at ideas.
Hey, that reminds me
Ta-da.
It's Harvard.
Got it off the Net.
It's either Harvard University
or Harvard Pet Training Center.
Cranius Either way,
it's perfect.
Jake, I can't tell you
what this means.
[evil laugh]
[girls giggle]
[cell phone beeps]
Alicia He's texting you?
Friend Alicia
Alicia I can't believe
he'd do this to me.
Jake is such a jerk.
I Don't want to talk about it.
Friend Alicia, wait up!
Alicia, come on!
This Jake, his arrogance
tests my patience.
What are all these
mirror for anyway?
I think this is Jake's
idea of a security system.
Ha ha, I could do
better in my sleep.
Cranius Then you
should, Felix.
The way to win the security
liaison job is to build
a better mousetrap.
We have mice?
Cranius Oh, come on!
Has no one ever
heard that expression?
Oh, you mean build
a better security system?
Yes, finally.
Thank you.
What would keep
me from escaping?
Fire ants, tacks,
broken glass
No, none of that beams with
the laser pin-point accuracy
worthy of a great inventor
such as yourself.
I could always use a laser.
Yes.
[Felix chuckles]
Cranius Great, look busy.
Hey, dude, is it possible
that your mom
brought your baby photo
album to school?
What?
No, that's impossible.
Hayley I just, you know,
I thought I saw her up
in the hall with some
football players showing
your first potty pictures.
[Felix gasps]
Mom!
Cranius Why did you do that?
I'm resting now.
Tell Felix to come back.
Okay, Etienne is going
on with the car wash.
I thought you said
he'd back down, huh?
Cranius God, a challenge.
You must make something
truly spectacular.
An event!
There must be entertainment,
music, an omelet bar
with fixin's.
But that's expensive.
I mean, isn't that
less money for charity?
Go to Junior College then.
My mother's not up there.
It was just a bunch
of football players who don't
understand a spirit of duende.
My bad.
I thought sponges
were suppose to be clean.
Bingo!
Cranius Angle it about
20 degrees to the north.
Perfect.
Now I'll never get out of here.
What's all this?
Security, amigo.
A laser fence.
But I've already
got a system.
Mirrors?
Mirrors are filled with lies.
But lasers, she's direct
and to the point.
Okay, you have to
stop talking like that.
It's really annoying.
You're just jealous
of my duende.
Jake Take these lasers down.
The mirrors work fine.
Mirrors don't do anything.
[machine whirs]
[zaps]
[gasps]
Jake Oh, boy!
Felix Dr. Cranius.
A little help here, please.
[machine whirs,
water sloshes]
Cranius Hee hee,
boys, good job.
I couldn't have
done it without you.
Felix But the lasers.
Jake And mirrors.
Cranius I'm a sponge
in water, idiots.
I'm impervious to lasers.
Can't say the same for you.
Adieu, mes amies!
You run a lovely little
bed and breakfast here.
Mr. Stockley's
going to kill us.
But he can never kill
Just stop.
[fizzle]
Oh no!
[boing!]
CRANIUUUS!
Jake He manipulated us.
Kudos, mi amigo.
You can stop with
all that duende stuff.
It was just a bunch of nonsense.
Dr. Cranius may be evil
but in that evil, truth walks,
like a shadow.
Oh, man.
Is your hand free?
Call Hayley on your watchcom.
What do you mean
we're out of fixin's?
Take some money from the petty
cash and go get some more.
Okay, okay.
[watchcom beeps]
Hello.
Hayley, Dr. Cranius escaped.
Hayley Oh, that's bad.
Etienne Hey, Hayley,
want to know what
this smells like?
Okay, well this one
smells like eggs
but the rest of it
smells like victory.
I'll begin combing the area.
It shouldn't be too hard
to spot a giant, moving jar.
[watchcom beeps off]
Ah ha!
Freedom!
Time to rid myself
of this liquid prison.
[thud, splash]
Now, to get to my get-away car.
Ah ha!
My plan, my plan
[muffled speech]
is working perfectly.
[power winds down]
What happened?
Where's Cranius?
He escaped.
Oh, good grief.
Obviously he's
gone to the car wash.
He is a sponge after all.
Or did he?
There is no "obviously"
with Dr. Cranius.
He expected us to think he
was going to the car wash
which gives him time to be
anyplace but the car wash.
Unless he knows that's
what we're thinking
and while we're someplace else,
he's at the car wash.
Ooh, a paradox.
Ha ha ha, curse you,
Dr. Cranius.
Let's check the
car wash anyway.
Must get to the driveway!
Geronimo!
Ha ha!
Curse my lack of mass.
Well, if my calculations
are correct,
a skateboarder should be
here in threetwo
onnnnne!
[whack]
You're not going to let him
get away with that?
Who's talking?
Not important.
What's important,
you can't let a nerd throw
a sponge at a cheerleader.
Sponge fight!
Weee hooo!
I've seen this in my dreams.
Dr. Cranius is using
the chaos to escape.
Ingenious.
If he gets away,
he'll got to the river
and then to the ocean.
And if he turns the dolphins
against us, humanity is toast.
[detector beeps]
Ah, wait.
The scanner says
he's heading out.
I'll see you guys
on the other side.
Not if I see you first.
Oooaahh!
Ooohh!
[Cranius laughs]
[screams and shouts]
Hello, cinnamon.
Right on time.
Cinnamon Hey, baby.
Cranius Well done.
I was afraid that in the
confusion, you might miss me.
How could I
miss you, Gunther?
You're the handsomest
sponge here.
Not for long.
Let's blow this burg, doll.
[student's shouts]
Jake Cranius!
Cranius Quick!
Get to the river.
Take the highway.
My GPS says take
surface streets.
GPS, when did you
graduate from Harvard?
That's what I thought.
Take the highway!
Stop!
Cinnamon, go!
[breaks screech]
[Cranius grunts]
No one leaves until I smack
that two-timing Jake Collins!
[Jake grunts]
Gotcha!
Unhand me, vertebrate.
Electric shock!
[zap]
[Jake grunts, pants]
Let go of me!
Hayley Admission denied.
Cranius How dare you.
Jake Phew, that was close.
Cranius Don't you
realize who I am?
[smack]
[thud]
Jake Aw, I guess
I deserved that.
Hayley Total disaster.
Between the omelet
station and the band,
we actually lost
money for charity.
But we caught Dr. Cranius.
Which I can't put
on an application.
[microwave beeps]
[sizzle]
Felix Next time we won't
be so easily charmed
by your honeyed words.
I'll be back.
And I'll crush you!
Do you hear me?
I'll crush you!
Hey, that's a great shirt, Jake.
Really? Thanks.
Stockley Jake.
Dang it!
Cranius Let me out of here!
Let me out of here!
Let me out!
I'm a sponge, I deserve better.
Please, please let me out!
I went to Harvard!
[zaps, clanks]
Seriously, Jake.
Huh?
That is a nice shirt.
Thanks, man.