My Three Sons (1960) s01e25 Episode Script

1
(theme song plays)
Robbie, what are you doing?
Chip asked me why mirrors make reflections,
and I was just seeing if I told him the right thing.
Oh. Did you tell him?
Yeah, but now he's got me to worrying.
In the mirror, I'm backwards.
Of course. You mean to tell me it's taken you 15 years
to come to that conclusion?
Well, sure, but if the mirror reverses me
from left to right,
how come it doesn't reverse me from top to bottom?
Well, Robbie, it
Look, uh, just because Chip gets you involved
in this sort of thing, doesn't mean you have
to involve me in it.
Well, if I, if I don't,
how am I gonna know the answer
when Chip asks me?
How do you know he's gonna ask you?
Well, every time I teach him something he doesn't know
Hey, look, will you get off my bed
or at least take your shoes off?
Every time I teach him something he doesn't know,
he knows as much as I know,
and then he asks me stuff that I don't know.
Why don't you tell him you don't know?
Are you kidding?
That poor little dumb kid looks up to me.
Besides, what good is an older brother
if he's just as ignorant as you are?
Well, you can tell him you're gonna find out.
That's what I'm trying to do, Dad.
Look, Robbie, there are other sources
of information besides me, you know like, books.
Gee, Dad, I don't have time to read.
I'm too busy studying.
Good-bye, Robbie,
I have a little work to do here.
Okay, but believe me, when I'm a father,
I won't deny my kids a little cheap knowledge.
Knowledge is never cheap, Robbie,
which you will find out when you get in college.
Or at least I will.
Well, if it's so expensive,
why don't you just get me started now?
And by the time I get to college,
look how much money I'll be saving you.
Come on, Robbie, you don't want knowledge.
You just like the idea of Chip's
thinking you're a hero, hmm?
All right, Dad, when Chip asks me about the mirrors,
I'll just tell him that nobody
around here knows the answer.
Just like the boy who cried wolf.
What's the kid who cried wolf got to do with this?
Well, I keep asking you and asking you
and you won't tell me.
Pretty soon, you'll want to tell me something,
and I won't be asking.
Oh, okay. Come on. You win.
Now, uh, what was the question?
It's been so long since you asked.
Well, if the mirror reverses me from left to right,
how come it won't reverse me from top to bottom?
Oh. Well, as a matter of fact, as a matter of fact,
the mirror doesn't always reverse everything.
I just happen to know
a very clever little mysterious verse
which defies the power of the mirror.
Here, just made it.
Now come over here to the mirror.
All right, read it.
"My oath, my vow, my moto, too"
"My motto, too"
"My motto too,
I aim 'twixt myth with to outwit you."
"'Twixt myth to outwit you."
All right, now read it from here, hmm?
Gosh, it reads the same in the mirror!
Dad, how do you do things like that?
Well, I'm sure by the time.
Chip gets around to asking that question,
you'll have it figured out.
Are you kidding? I don't have to.
I don't have to figure out anything
with a father as smart as you are.
Hey, now wait a minute.
(playing rudimentary melody)
She did? Wait a minute.
I want to hear everything she had to say about me.
Chip, knock it off, will ya?
Okay, I'm listening.
There, that's what Robbie taught me.
Ha! You call that playing?
My brother Harold could do that with his toes.
So could Robbie, and he plays the trumpet, too.
With his toes?
Sure. Robbie can do anything.
He can't either. He can, too.
Cannot. Want to make a bet?
Yeah. How much? Quiet.
The secret word for today is "quiet."
Okay, so she said I was cute and handsome.
Now, what else?
He can't either.
How about that? What else did she have to say?
Can, too. He told me all about reflections, didn't he?
So what? My brother could have told us more.
So what? And play the piano better, too.
Robbie'll show ya, won't ya, Robbie?
Huh? Yeah, I (Tramp barks)
Reflections may be a little
hard for you guys to understand,
but I have a little verse here
See? He can't do it.
He can, too. Can't you, Robbie?
Yeah, but you have to listen.
Now, this verse won't reverse.
Come on, Robbie, show him. He can't.
Put it frontwards, and then it comes out backwards.
You guys listening to me?
BUB: Kids!
Like I said before Quiet!
She said I was quiet?!
Oh, "Quite. Quite brilliant."
Well, that's more like it.
And then what?
Now, how can I tell you about mirrors when
Can't you explain after you play the piano for Sudsy?
Yeah, but Piano?!
See? He's trying to get out of it.
He is not! Is, too.
He is not. Yeah?
Look, I'm not gonna play any piano for Sudsy.
See?
Here I go to a lot of work for you,
and you're not even interested.
See?
You just don't ask me
any more questions again, you hear?
See?
Okay, you win, Sudsy.
I guess Harold is better than Robbie.
I told ya! I told ya!
Who's Harold?
He used to play the piano real well,
but I guess he forgot how to.
What do you mean, I forgot?
He doesn't know how. He used to know how.
I still know how, but I'm not gonna
I said I still know how to play the piano,
but I got better things to do than
Okay, okay, I'll play the piano!
Oh, boy, great! Come on, Robbie, let's go.
I bet he's not as good as Harold.
Bet he is. Bet he isn't.
Yeah? Why would she like the way I laugh?
(Bub yells, whistles)
How much you want to bet?
I'll bet all the money I got. Yeah?
Let's all yell and making lot of noise!
Everybody up now and make a lot of noise!
Whoopee! Ay-yi-yi!
Now you get out of here.
Bub, Robbie's just gonna play the piano for us.
Play it someplace else. Come on. Out, out.
Yeah, come on, you guys.
Look, get out. You heard what Bub said.
Come on. Don't hand me that.
Come on. Don't argue with me.
Come on. Get out of here. Go on, go on.
You, too. Come on. You, too.
Don't sit there.
What are you talking about, Bub?
I'm talking about you. Get out of here.
I was just in here playing the piano.
Your father's trying to work.
How can he work with all this noise?
Get out. I'll see you later.
Good-bye! Those darn kids.
All they want to do today is make noise.
Things have changed since I was a kid.
If I'd have made a noise like that,
I would have been tossed right out of the house.
"Conceited"?
What does she mean, "conceited"?
I don't think I'm much better
than any other popular guy in school.
Our piano's right in here.
Brother. You sure your mother let's people play?
Why not? She plays it all the time.
Yeah, go ahead, Robbie. Show him.
Sure doesn't look much like our piano.
Ha! Great play.
My brother Harold could do that with this nose.
So could Robbie.
Okay.
(plays rhythmic flourish)
Play something loud and fast.
Okay, Chip.
(plays rock and roll intro)
(playing rock and roll)
There. Can he play or not?
How about that?
Is your brother Harold that good?
That's great, Robbie.
(playing end flourish)
(key thuds)
Boy, am I gonna catch it now.
(key thuds)
Gosh.
What's wrong?
He broke a key, that's what.
He hit it so hard, he broke it.
It's a pretty weak piano.
My brother Harold never broke any keys.
Well, that's because my
brother's stronger than your brother.
Well, my brother just knows enough not to break things.
CHIP: Well, my brother knows more than that.
He knows how to fix things after he breaks 'em.
SUDSY: Well, my brother can fix things
even if someone else breaks 'em.
So what? Prove it.
Well, he's not here right now.
CHIP: That's just an excuse.
Robbie can fix it. Can't you, Robbie?
Robbie? Robbie?!
Ha! He's not here either.
STEVE: You call me, Robbie?
Yeah!
Oh, say, I've marked these books for you
that ought to help with that reflection problem.
Robbie, don't stand on the piano.
Or at least take your shoes off.
Okay, Dad. What are you doing, anyway?
Did you lose something down in there?
No, not exactly in here, Dad.
Well, then what are you doing?
I'm just trying to find out how this thing works, Dad.
Robbie, one thing you must learn
is to solve one problem at a time
and then go on to the next one.
Now, with these books and the encyclopedia here
Let's see,
"Naval Reserve to Orleans."
Yes, "optical" will be in there.
Robbie?
Yeah?
Did you lose something, Dad?
Yes, you. Now, about this reflection business.
Sit down, Rob.
But gee, Dad, I promised Chip that I'd
Now wait a minute. Wait a minute.
You see? Trying to be a hero to Chip,
pretending you know something
when you really don't can get you into trouble.
Now, I helped you find the answer this time,
but the next time, you're on your own.
Dad, Chip and Sudsy are waiting for me
The next time you have a problem, Rob,
remember what every true scientist knows:
that to get the right answer,
you must ask the right questions,
and you can't possibly ask the right questions
unless you do a lot of studying.
You must know the problem from the inside out.
That's what I'm trying to do, Dad.
Now here, you take these books and go up to your room
or someplace where it's quiet and do some studying.
Being a hero takes a lot of work, you know?
But Dad, all these Come on. Run along, Rob.
I spent half the afternoon on this reflection thing.
All right, but I don't see how knowing about mirrors
is gonna help me ask the right questions about a piano.
Back to work.
(plays "Shave and a Haircut") (key thuds)
(thudding)
See? I told you Robbie'd fix up this old piano.
Yeah, but is he fixing it up
or is he fixing it down?
(strings crash)
Or tearing it down?
Or tearing it up?
(clears throat)
Those just flap right over and flap right back, see?
Pretty neat, huh?
Yep.
Now.
(piano clunks)
See, boys?
Nothing to it if you know how.
(low note sounding)
(high note playing repetitively)
See that, boys?
Nothing to it.
Just got to know your pianos, that's all.
The only way to understand a problem is to study it
from the inside out.
You sure got the insides out now.
(clicking)
Hmm kind of cute.
Hey, Chip, go get those books
on the table over there for me, will ya?
Boy, if my mother came home right now, she'd faint.
Photography Photogravure
photosynthesis, hmm?
Phrenology
phylogeny
"Phylogeny The evolutionary history
of an animal or a plant species."
If he doesn't fix it by the time my mother gets home,
she may never let me play with you again.
She will, too. Will not.
She will, too. Yeah?
Yeah. Yeah?
Yeah. Oh, yeah?
Yeah. Yeah?
Yeah. Oh, yeah?
Yeah! She'll never let you play with Chip again,
and she's going to spank you,
and then when she tells my dad
what happened, I'm gonna get
Dad.
Uh, hey, Chip and Sudsy,
why don't you go out to the garage
and bring me some more tools, huh?
(playing "Shave and a Haircut")
Ah. Sounds pretty good.
Just shows you You run into a problem,
you don't know the answer, look it up.
(phone ringing and doorbell ringing)
I'll get the phone, Bub.
Okay, I'll get the back door.
Hello.
Hello, Dad.
Uh, remember what you said when we were talking today
about how a scientist has to be able to analyze things
from the inside out to be able to ask the right questions?
Yes, Robbie. What is it now?
Well, I did what you said.
I've been studying the problem
and I really got to the bottom of it.
Good. That goes to show you,
those books really helped, didn't they?
Uh, yeah, Dad. In fact, I'm using them right now.
But I need to ask a couple questions.
Now, look, Rob, I told you the next time
you ran into a problem, you were going to have to
Well, I'll help you once more.
It was the most marvelous recital I've ever attended.
I just can't wait to get home
and try some of the numbers on my own piano.
I hope Huey I mean Sudsy,
hasn't been too much trouble.
No trouble at all, Mrs. Pfieffer.
I haven't even seen him in the last couple hours.
Oh, dear. You haven't seen him?
I hope Now don't worry, don't worry.
They're with Robbie, and he won't let 'em get in trouble.
Oh, I'll just trot on, then.
When you see Sudsy, send him home.
I'll do it. (Humming tune)
Well, Rob, you're talking about the action.
Now you see, when you press down on the key,
the hammer is actuated by a lever
called the hopper or jack.
It has a little spring on it.
A little spring on it.
Yeah. Gosh, Dad, you described things so well
I can almost see it.
It's just a little engineering problem, Rob.
You might like to know, Rob, that the first upright piano
like we have in the living room here
was invented by a man named John Isaac Hawkins.
He lived in Philadelphia and invented the piano
about the year 1800.
And he was also an engineer. Isn't that interesting?
I mean, isn't that interesting?
Boy, is there anything you don't know?
If you're talking to Robbie, tell him.
Mrs. Pfieffer is on her way home and wants Sudsy.
You're a genius.
(chuckling); Oh, Rob,
I wouldn't go so far as to say that.
Well, it's just something I happened to read someplace.
Okay, Dad.
Oh, Rob, tell Sudsy his mother's coming home
and she wants him for something, will you?
I may have to call you again
if I run into trouble, 'cause
On her way home?! Bye, Dad.
Well
Mother? Ms. Pfieffer?
ROBBIE: She just left our house on the way home.
There's no time to put it back together!
How much time do you need?
I don't know six minutes five minutes
Give me four minutes.
SUDSY: Not even my brother could do that.
Jeepers, if you can put it together in four minutes
you really are a genius.
I don't even have one minute.
Here she comes now.
Maybe we can stop her. Yeah.
How? I don't know.
Now I must pick up my groceries and go ♪
Into the house to cook dinner ♪
What have you two been up to?
Nothing much.
We've just been studying how mirrors work.
Just like your brother Harold.
Did you find out how they work?
Partly, only we don't understand
why they turn things backwards.
Backwards?
In a mirror, left is right and right is left.
It is?
Well, uh that's perfectly simple to explain.
Of course in a mirror everything's backward.
That's just the way things are
and there's nothing anyone can do about it.
Then how come the mirror won't turn this verse backward?
"My oath, my vow, my motto, too
I aim 'twixt myth to outwit you."
Oh, no.
You won't outwit me that easily.
Now Well Dear me.
Heavens, it even reads the same
from the backside of the paper.
That's just the way my brother Robbie writes things.
Just like Harold.
I'm just dying to try out some new numbers.
Hey, wait, Ms. Pfieffer.
MRS. PFIEFFER: I haven't
time to play capture the flag, Chip.
Look out, Robbie! Here she comes! I have to cook dinner.
Mom, I want to show you something.
Robbie! Sorry, Robbie SUDSY: Jeepers!
You really are a genius.
MRS. PFIEFFER: You must be to write verses like this.
You better explain it to the boys, because I can't.
I don't think I have time, Mrs. Pfieffer.
SUDSY: Wait a second, Robbie, I want you to see something.
(humming tune)
(playing classical intro)
Good heavens.
Uh, Chip and I better get on home now, Mrs. Pfieffer.
MRS. PFIEFFER: How in the world did that happen?
What happen?
This morning that note was completely dead.
I thought I was going to have a big repair bill.
Now it's as good as new.
It got well all by itself.
All that work, and I didn't even break it.
Yeah, but you sure fixed it.
Oh?
He had that old piano all over this room
Just to fix one little key.
Why, Robbie, you really are a genius.
Well, it's just that when I find something that's broken,
I kind of get kind of nervous like
until I find out what's wrong.
Wonderful, Harold oh, Robbie.
Why don't you sit down for a few minutes.
I have some ice cream and cake in the kitchen.
Hey, that'd be real neat. Thanks a lot, Mrs. Pfieffer.
This clock hasn't run in months.
I don't want to take advantage of you,
but would you mind looking at it, Robbie?
And if you really enjoy fixing things,
the TV needs attention. I really
don't know much about TV's
And the garbage disposal's making
a terrible noise for some reason.
I don't even think we have a garbage disposal at
And I just have to have someone
tune up my dryer. Your dryer?
Mrs. Pfieffer, wait!
Please.
You have to know the truth.
It's my father who's the genius.
Come on, now, Robbie.
I mean, he's the one who wrote the verse.
And he's the one who told me how to fix the piano.
But you fixed it.
Yeah, but he knows all about the
history of piano and stuff like that.
And he can rattle it right off
like he's reading it from a book.
In fact, there's nothing you can ask him
that he can't answer. Excuse me, Robbie.
In fact, he can even Here.
Hey, what?
Larson 0-6719, is that your number?
Yes, ma'am, but, I
What am I supposed to do with all this stuff?
Hey, Chip, will you tell him
Well, that's exactly what I told
Pastor Lunquist, the poor man.
The church has had so many added expenses this year.
The new rugs for
the Sunday school department.
The roof in the sanctuary leaks like a sieve.
And now the pipe organ
Sounds like it might be a pretty expensive proposition.
They'll probably have to dismantle the whole organ.
Well, I assured the poor soul
that help would come from somewhere.
(chuckling): Well, when you put it that way.
Well, I'd hardly say I was a genius, Mrs. Pfieffer.
Oh, come now, Mr. Douglas,
you're just being modest. (Air hissing)
Yes, you are.
Oh, yes, you are.
I'll, I'll take a look at it.
It might just be some little thing.
That's exactly what I told Pastor
Lunquist, the poor man. (Deep breaths)
Well, all right then, I'll see you there at 6:00.
Fine. No, it's no imposition at all.
It's a pleasure, I assure you.
All right, good-bye.
Well
Hello, Mrs. Lunquist? Is the pastor there?
Yes. Yes, I'll wait.
Look, if your brother Harold's so great,
why hasn't he fixed all this stuff?
Harold? How can he when he's at MIT?
MIT?
Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
He was Phi Beta Kappa when he was 19.
Here we are.
"Organs, pipe."
Large organs around 1910.
Have up to 15,000 pipes and nearly 200 stops.
Well, I think I have just the man for you.
He'll solve all your problems with the organ.
He knows everything about music.
He knows the history of pianos.
He knows how to fix all kinds of instruments.
1,250 32,850
Bub, do you have Mrs. Pfieffer's telephone number?