Petticoat Junction (1963) s01e25 Episode Script

1
Come ride the little train ♪
That is rollin' down the tracks to the Junction ♪
Forget about your cares ♪
It is time to relax at the Junction ♪
Lots of curves, you bet ♪
And even more when you get ♪
To the Junction ♪
Petticoat Junction ♪
There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪
Petticoat Junction ♪
It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪
Petticoat Junction ♪
And that's Uncle Joe, he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪
At the Junction ♪
Petticoat Junction! ♪
Kate, girls, I got great news.
Just take a gander at this headline.
Talent contest that's great news?
You're darn tootin' it is.
This little old contest gonna be held right smack dab
in the Shady Rest lobby a week from tonight.
Simmer down. Let's not get too excited
till we hear more of the facts.
Like, um, how come it's being held here,
and are we making money or losing money?
Well, it's being held here because I ran into the fella
that's putting on the contest.
I sold him a bill of goods on using the hotel
instead of the town hall.
Yeah. Well, that takes care of the how come part.
Now how about the money part?
Kate, we're getting paid off
in something even better than money.
What's better than money?
Publicity.
People will be buying meals and renting rooms
and spending all kinds of money.
Well, maybe so.
Well, we're stuck with it anyway.
Hey, look at this!
"First prize $50."
Mom, can I enter the contest?
Gee, Mom, I'd like to, too.
Me, too.
No, I just don't think it'd be a good idea
for you girls to enter that contest.
But why not?
We've got some talent, Mom.
Sure you have.
How could you be related to me and not be talented?
That would be astonishing, wouldn't it?
All you got to do when you get out there,
just remember you're carrying on the tradition
of Joseph P. Carson, the Yankee Doodle Dandy.
Didn't they call George M. Cohen
the Yankee Doodle Dandy?
Yeah, him, too, now and then.
Kate, why don't you let the girls have a try at it?
Look, Mr. Show Business,
I'm not saying the girls don't have talent.
I'm just saying I don't want them in that contest.
One of them might win.
That means, the other two have to lose,
and I can't think of a better way
to create hard feelings in a family.
But, Mom, we don't care about winning.
Of course not.
We just want the fun of being in the contest.
Yeah, Kate. Do you want to frustrate them?
Oh, come on, Mom.
We wouldn't have a chance of winning anyway.
That's right. Charley and Floyd are bound to get
into the contest, and you know how terrific they are
at entertaining and how popular they are with everybody.
That's true Floyd and Charley would be hard to beat.
And another one who's a cinch
to beat us out is Tad Whipple.
Remember how the audience went wild
over his singing at the PTA meeting?
Yeah.
Tad might run away with it at that.
Hey, what about Mabel Snark?
Oh, she's sure to be in the contest,
and she won first prize in yodeling
at the county fair last year.
Yeah, there'll be a lot of people
in that contest hard to beat.
Oh, what do you say, Mom?
Let us enter just for the fun of it.
Well, since you're all so anxious,
and you're not gonna try and beat each other out,
I guess it'll be all right.
Now, now, I don't want you getting worked up over it.
It's just a little amateur contest, and that's all.
That's good.
Now let's get back to work.
Yoo-hoo!
By the way, Uncle Joe, what's the big idea
of trying to give the girls the impression
you were on the stage?
Well, I was at one time.
Driving or riding shotgun?
Passenger.
Oh, you're mom's a nice little woman, and she means well,
but she doesn't understand that you're grown up.
You can handle competition amongst yourselves.
Of course we can, and you know,
Mom did treat us like little children, didn't she?
Yeah, as though we're still little kids
who squabble at the drop of a hat.
Well, this here's a great chance for you
to prove to her that you're mature
and can handle victory or defeat.
You're right, Uncle Joe.
Yeah, you bet that $50 first prize I'm right.
You know, Mom could sure use that $50 right now.
Yeah. I can just see how proud she'd be
if one of you came up and
handed her that first prize money,
the other two standing off there smiling
in gracious defeat.
But, Uncle Joe, even if we did work hard
and-and rehearse and knock our brains out to win,
what about Charley and Floyd
and-and Tad Whipple and Mabel Snark?
I wouldn't worry about them.
I got inside information
they may not even enter the contest.
No kidding, Uncle Joe?
Hey, girls, that means it's wide open.
Well, what do you say?
Should we really go after that first prize?
With everything we've got.
And who knows?
Maybe one of us will get to go
to Chicago and be on TV.
Oh, that reminds me, girls.
If the winner's underage,
he or she gets to take an adult companion
to Chicago with them.
Oh, wouldn't Mom love Chicago?
Oh, yes.
I don't think
your mother would like Chicago.
You know, eating in strange places,
wind blowing her hair all over the place.
Oh, Uncle Joe, come on.
She'd have a ball.
Yeah, that's right.
After two days there, she'd ball her eyes out.
You'd best take somebody along that can manage your career
in case you win in the finals.
Somebody with a show business background.
That sounds like you, Uncle Joe.
Me? Mm-hmm.
Yeah, it does, don't it?
Well, maybe if one of you wins,
I'll consider going back with you.
Thanks, Uncle Joe.
You're great.
Come on, kids, let's get started rehearsing.
Oh, that windy city ♪
Oh, that windy city ♪
Chicago.
I've always wanted to see that town.
Well, Joe,
just what kind of a favor do you want from Floyd and me?
Favor? What makes you think I want a favor?
Number one you never rode up in front before.
Number two it's the first
time you ever brung us any food.
And number three You're being uncommon pleasant.
There is a teensy weensy little favor I'd like to ask.
Floyd, do you want to ask him what it is,
or should I make the mistake?
I reckon it's your turn, Charley.
I asked him aboard, remember?
Oh, stop your clowning, fellas.
I just wanted to ask you not to enter that talent contest.
That's all.
Why shouldn't we be in it?
Yeah. We're fixing to win that $50 first prize.
Not if you're friends of Kate's, you won't.
How's that?
Well, Kate's girls
are entering the contest, and I'm not sure
how she'd take it if one of them didn't win.
You mean, Kate don't want us to compete against the girls?
Oh, she'd never admit it,
but I thought it was my duty to tell you.
Personally, I don't care who wins the contest.
Well, if Kate don't want us in that contest,
we sure enough won't enter it, will we?
Nope.
We sure won't.
Here, uh, have another sandwich.
Mom, could you help me make a real fancy costume
for my dance number?
Well, I'd be glad to, honey, but I don't have any material.
Oh, I just happen to have a few hundred yards.
I need a costume for the contest, too.
Well, I don't think I'd have time
to make costumes for both of you.
Wait a minute. I'm in that contest, too,
and I haven't got a thing to wear.
I asked first. I'm the oldest.
Yeah, but what counts is who needs it the most.
Oh, come on, Mom, I
Girls, simmer down.
There's only one way to settle this.
It's all yours.
Oh, good. Oh, good.
Hey, wait a minute.
I said do this by age.
Here you are, Ma.
Yes, sir, Mrs. Whipple.
Yes, sir, your boy Tad's a sizzling cinch
to run away with that contest.
It sure would please me to see him win.
That poor boy works so hard around here
helping me with everything, he deserves a chance
to show off his singing now and then.
I'm real glad to hear that.
For a while there, some of us were worried
for fear you weren't gonna let him enter.
Well, so long, Mrs. Whipple, Tad.
Uh, wait a minute.
Why was you afraid I might not let him enter?
Oh, it was nothing.
Some of the folks around here
got some silly notions about Tad.
Didn't amount to anything.
See you later, boy, at the contest.
Hold on.
What kind of silly notions?
Well, it's the general opinion around here
that Tad's starting to get the swell head.
Once he wins this contest and goes on to Chicago,
he'll never come back.
Not come back?!
Why wouldn't he?
Well, everybody knows he'll win the Chicago contest, too,
and from there, it's
on to Hollywood for your little boy.
Hollywood?!
It's the same old story
Fame, fortune, forgetting your family, your friends.
Well, it didn't cross my mind that
Once you're out there,
it's one Hollywood party after another.
No more letter writing, no more phoning,
no more nothing.
Oh, my little Tad.
Now, don't carry on, Mrs. Whipple.
Maybe you can keep track of him
by reading them movie magazines.
Finding out which Hollywood parties he's been going to.
Tad Whipple?
Yeah, Ma?
You hear me good.
You ain't gonna enter that talent contest.
Well, why not?
Because I said so, that's why.
And you get rid of that swell head of yours
before I take a switch to you.
But, Ma Be quiet,
and get back to milking your cows.
I'd watch him, Mrs. Whipple.
That boy has a wild look in his eye.
Surely, said I.
Surely that is something at my window lattice.
Oh, let my heart be still a
moment and this mystery explore.
It is the wind
Mother, what are you doing?
I'm rehearsing.
That's just what your sisters would like to do, too.
They can have it tonight.
When, like we got it last night at 11:00?
Mom, make her take that spooky record
off there, will you?
So you can put that silly dance record of yours on there?
Oh, no. My record's going on next.
Girls! Girls!
Yeah, I'm sure glad I ran into you like this
and got it first hand that you'd heard about the contest.
It wouldn't be much without Mabel Snark.
Oh, thank you,
but that $50 first prize is worth yodeling for.
Then I can tell the man who's running the contest
that you'll be in it and not in Groverdale that night?
You bet.
Uh, what's going on in Groverdale?
Well, there's a bachelors' convention.
Couple of hundred wealthy playboys
getting together at the Groverdale Hotel.
A couple of hundred?
Yeah.
I'm glad to see you're not like
a lot of other single women around here,
fixing to make a 600-mile trip
just to snag a wealthy husband.
You know, I've never been to Groverdale.
Uh, is that all it is really, just 600 miles?
Yeah.
Now I'm helping out with lining up the program.
Would you like to be spotted
before or after the jug-blowing act?
The Groverdale Hotel, you say?
Huh?
Oh, yeah. Now, I figure the best spot's before.
You see, when you Forget it.
The best spot's Groverdale.
Then you mean, you ain't gonna be in the contest?
Oh, I'm gonna be in the contest, all right.
The one in Groverdale.
I wonder which one of the girls
will be going to Chicago with me.
She's finished, Kate!
That's a fine looking little stage.
You did a good job.
Well, thanks, Kate.
Kate, you must be just plumb wore out
working to get ready for this contest.
Oh, it's not the work, Charley.
But I've just about reached the end of my rope
with those three girls of mine.
The girls are taking part in a little spirited rivalry
That's what Kate means.
They've been impossible is what I mean.
Now, I'm counting on you two boys to be
so good tomorrow night that you're gonna
beat them a country mile.
Why, Kate, we're just playing to accompany the contestants.
Didn't Joe tell you?
Kate, boys must be hungry.
Why don't you hop out the kitchen, get them a bite to eat?
Are you saying you're not competing?
Better start hopping, Kate.
But you boys have got to be in the contest.
We thought you didn't want us competing with the girls.
Where in the world
did you ever get an idea like that?
Okay, maybe I'll hop out to the kitchen.
Hold it, Uncle Joe.
With the turn things have taken,
I'm beginning to feel your strong hand of navigating.
Kate, you're conclusion jumping again.
Good jumping, I'd say.
Oh, Uncle Joe, I know it'd mean a lot to you
if one of the girls would win.
But removing all competition's no way to do it.
You know a better way?
I know I want my girls
to start acting like real sisters again,
and not like three cackling hens
pecking at the same kernel of corn.
Now, you boys have
got to promise me to enter the contest.
Well, all right, Kate, if that's the way you want it.
Yes. And I'd be obliged
if you'd give me a ride on the Cannonball.
Sure thing, Kate. Where we going?
To talk to the rest of the competition.
I want to be sure this is gonna be
a wide-open square deal contest.
Let's go.
Kate, before you go, I want to tell you something.
What?
Don't.
Sometimes her idea of honesty and fair play
is downright sickening.
Thanks, folks.
And welcome to the Shady Rest.
Now, I've been asked to help out
with the master of ceremony-ing chores
by my good friend Mr. J.P. Anderson
from Chicago.
Now, the first act on the program is.
Leota Linquip and her musical jugs.
Let's give the little lady a great big hand.
Next contestant's young Tad Whipple.
He's a kind of a singer.
Do the best you can, Tad, my boy.
were. ♪
That was Tad Whipple, folks.
Nice try, Tad.
Better luck next time.
We're coming to Bobbie Jo Bradley,
one of the three highlights of the evening!
She'll sing a song for you
in her own prize-winning style.
I give you Miss Bobbie Jo Bradley!
I love those ♪
Three little words ♪
Oh, what I'd give for that wonderful phrase ♪
To hear those three little words ♪
That's all I'd live for the rest of my days ♪
And what I feel in my heart ♪
They tell sincerely ♪
No other words can tell it half so clearly ♪
Three little words ♪
Eight little letters ♪
Which simply mean "I love you" ♪
One, two ♪
Three little words ♪
Eight little letters which simply mean ♪
"I love you." ♪
That was Miss Bobbie Jo Bradley, folks.
There's no question about it,
that girl has some real talent.
Now we come to, uh a yodeler.
Mabel Snark is the name of this contestant.
Always a few people in the audience who enjoy yodeling.
So let's give a fine hand to Miss Mabel Snark.
Now, next, friends, we present
the blonde bombshell of the Shady Rest
doing her condensed but exciting version
o' Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven."
Miss Billie Jo Bradley!
Sorry, honey.
What am I gonna do now, Uncle Joe?
I can't perform without my music and my sound effects.
Kate and Floyd and Charley can play the music for you.
And Floyd's pretty good with sound effects;
I'll have him put in a few.
Okay, Uncle Joe, I'll try.
Okay, folks, we have a technical problem.
We'll have it fixed in just a second.
"Once upon a midnight dreary,
"while I pondered weak and weary,
"Over many a quaint and curious volume"
"of forgotten lore,."
"While I nodded, nearly napping"
"Suddenly there came a tapping"
"'Tis some visitor, ' I muttered,"
"'tapping at my chamber door'"
"But it was Floyd, nothing more."
"Open here I flung the shutters"
"But it was Floyd," nothing more.
"Quoth the raven 'Nevermore.'"
That was Billie Jo Bradley, folks
A great dramatic actress and a brilliant comedienne.
And I'm sure we'd all be proud
if Billie was to carry our colors to Chicago.
Thank you.
That was Burson Treadwell and his singing saw.
Personally, I like real singing myself.
Now it's my pleasure to introduce
that gifted and talented
other Bradley sister, Miss Betty Jo Bradley!
Well, folks, that was the last of the big three!
Now we have Oh, yeah.
Couple of swell guys we'd all like even if they didn't
run the only train between Hooterville and Pixley,
Charley Pratt and Floyd Smoot.
How well do I remember the fire of '58 ♪
We was coming down through the mire ♪
When along comes Hank just a-going to beat the cars ♪
And he says ♪
"My gosh, there's a fire" ♪
Well, I runs home and I puts my gum boots on ♪
Kisses my gal Irene ♪
How well do I remember the fire of '58 ♪
When we ran with the old machine ♪
When we ran with the old machine hot ziggity ♪
When we ran with the old machine ♪
There was Hank and Frank and Cy ♪
Pete and Bill and I ♪
When we ran with the old machine. ♪
Well, folks, that was the last act of the evening.
And even though they ain't as young or pretty
or quite as talented as the Bradley sisters,
you got to admit, they're pretty good.
Now, folks, there will be a short intermission
and then the judging.
Do you think I have a chance to win?
Gee, I hope I have a chance.
I've sure got my fingers crossed.
I'm hoping that I Wait a minute.
Look at what we're doing.
We're all saying "I" not "we".
We're all worried about only ourselves.
You know, that isn't like us; Mom was right.
And if one of us wins, it could get worse.
Well, what do you say we all drop out of the contest?
I second that. I third it.
Well, let's go tell Mom.
Right. Right. Right.
Mom.
We've decided we don't want to be included in the judging.
Oh, but you all did so well.
Any one of you could win.
Well, that's just it, Mom.
We don't want any one of us to win.
And we don't want any one of us to go to Chicago, either.
We figure maybe we'll all get to visit there
one of these days, together.
Girls What? What?
Welcome back to the family.
You girls were just great, all three of you!
Uncle Joe, come here.
You're joshing.
All three?
Now, judging from your applause,
the winner is Tad Whipple!
Congratulations, Tad.
Here's a 50.
Thanks.
Have you got anybody in mind
to go to Chicago with you yet, Tad, my boy?
Yeah, my ma.
Send me a postcard, will you?
Now, folks, the Bradley sisters will finish off the evening
with their version of the Hooterville Cannonball.
There's a train that runs through this wide valley ♪
That is loved by one and all ♪
It's the train that starts way up in Pixley ♪
Called the Hooterville Cannonball ♪
Well, she makes her run through the dead of winter ♪
Through the summer, spring and fall ♪
Neither cold nor heat nor flood can stop her ♪
She's the Hooterville Cannonball. ♪
Petticoat Junction. ♪
This has been a Filmways presentation.