The Brady Bunch (1969) s01e25 Episode Script

1
Here's the story
Of a lovely lady
Who was bringing up
Three very lovely girls
All of them had hair of gold ♪
Like their mother
The youngest one in curls ♪
It's the story of a man named Brady ♪
Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
They were four men living all together ♪
Yet they were all alone
Till the one day when
The lady met this fellow
And they knew that it was
Much more than a hunch
That this group must
Somehow form a family
That's the way they all
Became the Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
That's the way they became
The Brady Bunch.
Goofing off on a Saturday morning, Jan?
Nothing else to do but goof.
Mom took Marcia to that
Saturday morning art class
and Dad took Cindy to the playground.
Yeah, Cindy loves that
little merry-go-round.
Yeah, it's just her speed.
Too slow for me.
Every once in a while,
somebody has to get left out.
I'm gonna go downstairs and
goof off with some more ironing.
Hi, Alice.
Hi, honey.
I just got home and met the mailman.
This is for you.
Oh, a package!
Well, it certainly resembles one.
"Miss Jan Brady,
4222 Clinton Way, City."
That's me, all right.
What do you suppose it is?
You're going to find out very shortly.
Oh, what a beautiful little box.
And inside the box is
Mom! Look!
A locket!
Oh
It's beautiful!
Yes.
Well, there isn't a card in it.
Oh.
Who do you suppose it came from?
No return address.
That's pretty strange.
Nobody's sending me a locket.
And without a card.
Yes, it's quite strange.
( Sighs )
But it is a lovely locket.
Here, let me put it on you.
It's more than strange, Mom.
It's a baffling mystery.
Something like this
has never happened to me before.
It sure still is a mystery
who sent this locket,
but I think it's adorable!
This magnifying glass doesn't
help much with the postmark.
Especially since Jan ripped it
when she opened the package.
If something's addressed just "City," Dad,
doesn't that mean it's mailed
from the same city?
Attaboy, Peter! Now that's how
to solve mysteries logic.
Could I use the magnetizing glass?
Magnifying, Bobby.
Be my guest.
Wow I just found something out!
What, what is it?
Everything's much bigger!
( Muttering )
Hey What?
The typewriter that
typed this dropped its "y."
Dropped it where?
Three times, in "Brady"
in "Way," and in "City" look.
So, the typewriter
dropped its "y" three times
that's not much of a clue.
No, listen, Peter, that could
be a very important clue
if we could find the typewriter
that did it, which I doubt.
It's pretty hard to guess who sent it
with the scads of admirers you have.
Like Willie Dalrymple he's a real scad.
You're both jealous.
Don't you even care who
your secret admirer is?
JAN: Of course I do.
I'm dying of curiosity.
Anyway, I'll be wearing it
to the library this afternoon.
Do you want to come with me?
Sure! We might run into
Willie Dalrymple.
( Taunting ): Willie sent the locket.
Maybe we should be looking
for fingerprints on the locket box.
Good idea!
We could use my fingerprint kit.
Yeah, and even if you found a
fingerprint, what would you do with it?
Send it to J. Edgar Hoovey.
Hoover.
Sure!
Well, listen, I hate to
discourage initiative, fellows,
but, you know, there are millions
of fingerprints on file in the FBI.
I just wonder if J. Edgar Hoovey
would take time to track down
one connected with Jan's locket.
Well, you can't argue with that.
I guess that's why he's a dad
and we're just guys.
Yeah, he thinks better.
Thanks, Bobby.
Well, this pretty little velvet-lined box
didn't come from an expensive store,
but it did come from somewhere.
Well, now, as deductions go,
that's a reasonable one.
I wonder who could've forgot
to enclose a card.
Aunt Martha!
Hey, now, there's an idea.
Well, she's always been
especially fond of Jan, and
Well, you know how forgetful she is.
( Chuckles )
I'll never forget when your Aunt Martha
drove home in that black sedan
and she didn't realize
it wasn't her own tan station wagon
till she gets in the garage.
Well, I mean,
like at Christmas and Easter,
she always forgets to enclose her name
or her address or something.
It would be just like her
to send a locket to Jan
and not enclose a card.
Yeah, agreed.
Well, I think I'll phone her.
The kids can't hear me in here, anyway.
She's probably just come home
in somebody's red convertible.
Hello? Aunt Martha?
This is Carol.
Carol. Your niece.
Carol Brady.
( Chuckling )
Well, listen, Aunt Martha,
what I'm calling about
Jan received a locket a few days
ago with no card enclosed and
No. Not locker, locket.
Well, you know, one of those little things
you hang around your neck
and put pictures in.
Well, it really
doesn't matter, Aunt Martha.
Just anybody's pictures.
Yeah, well, she did receive one,
and I thought maybe you sent it.
No, it did not come from Alaska.
You were?
A month?
Oh no, then it definitely
could not have been from you.
What?
Totem pole?
No, we haven't received it
yet, Aunt Martha.
We'll be looking out for it, yes.
Thank you in advance.
Nice talking to you, too, Aunt Martha.
Yeah. Of course I will.
Bye.
Well, I got most of that,
but you will what?
Give her love to Roger.
Roger?!
My sister's husband.
Your Aunt Martha is really on the ball.
Well, there goes our theory.
Yep. Right down the proverbial drain.
Which leaves us with one possible clue.
Yes?
Well, you know that Greg discovered
those "y's" that were
dropped from the label?
Yes.
Well, now, if we could
just find a typewriter
that drops its "y's",
our problem would be solved.
Oh, honey, finding a typewriter
that drops its "y's" is like
finding a needle that drops its haystack.
ALICE: We were going
shopping for a new coat for me?
Well, I wanted him to stay home
while we sneaked up here to his office.
My female intuition
tells me that Mr. Brady
might have sent that locket to Jan.
Oh, Alice, I can't wait
to see his typewriter.
Why?
Oh, that's right, you
don't know about the clue.
Well, all the "y's" in
"Brady," "Way" and "City"
were lower than the rest of the letters
on Jan's package.
Oh
Oh, I hope my female intuition works.
Here, let me do that, Mrs. Brady.
I used to be pretty good at typing.
Okay, Alice, hurry up.
( Typing rapidly )
"Now is the time for all"
Oh, Alice, get to the "y," the "y"!
I'm getting to it, Mrs. Brady.
"Country." There!
Oh there goes my woman's intuition.
The "y" is perfect, just
like all the other letters.
Well
What do we have here, huh?
Two startled women.
Or two surprised typewriter thieves.
Typewriter thieves?!
There's a ring been working this building,
but I didn't know
they used dames for fronts.
We may be dames, but we're not fronts.
This building closes at 8:00
and this office is supposed to be locked.
Well, I have a key to the building
that also unlocks this office.
Oh, how'd you get the key?
Well, it's a duplicate.
This is my husband's office,
Mr. Michael Brady.
Does he know you're here?
Well no.
He thinks we're out buying me a coat.
Oh what are you doing?
I have Mr. Brady's home
phone number in this book.
I think I'll just call him and ask him
if he knows anything about a dame
masquerading as his wife.
Oh I wish you wouldn't.
I'll bet.
Look, Officer, I think
I can explain everything.
You see, um, my daughter
received this locket
with no card attached
The address was typed
on a typewriter that drops its "y's."
And, uh, well, I think my husband
may have sent her the locket.
So we came here to see
if his office typewriter drops its "y's."
You know something?
I believe you.
You do?
Sure.
You'd have to be nuts
to make up a story like that.
( Typing )
What are you doing?
Something deceitful and sneaky
of which I'm highly ashamed.
Typing the alphabet on Mom's portable?
You were the one who discovered
that dropped "y" in
the address on Jan's label.
Yeah.
Well, with your mother gone
to help Alice buy a coat,
doing a little sleuthing here.
Huh. Think Mom sent the locket to Jan?
Well, you know, I don't know anymore.
This is the only typewriter she ever uses
and it's in perfect condition.
Well, don't you trust her?
Of course I do.
Well, wouldn't she tell you?
Sure she would, unless she had
a logical reason not to.
Like what?
( Chuckles )
Greg, to a female mind,
anything is logical.
I'm going to take this back
and put it where your mother keeps it.
Oh, listen.
Now, mum's the word, okay, Greg?
Man to man?
Okay. Mum's the word.
But you're right.
Hmm?
It was sneaky and deceitful
and something of which
you should be highly ashamed.
I am, I am. And when it's all over,
I'll tell your mother what I did.
When it's all over, Dad?
Yeah, she'll understand.
I'm beginning to think
we'll never know
who sent that locket to Jan.
No luck with the coat, huh?
The coat?
Yeah. The coat that
you went to buy Alice.
Oh, that coat! Yeah.
Oh, well, we didn't find anything.
Oh.
( Clears throat )
What happened here?
Oh, nothing.
Nothing at all.
How was Jan?
Well, she was fine
when she went to bed.
Well, uh, any late developments
on the locket?
( Chuckling ): Well
we weren't exactly swamped with
people telling us they sent it,
if that's what you mean.
Well, something will turn up tomorrow.
Yeah.
Well what do you, uh, say?
I say warmly and affectionately
good night, Mrs. Brady.
Mmm.
Good night, Mr. Brady.
I'll, uh, just finish this chapter.
Oh. Okay.
Oh, no.
Oh, no!
( Yelling ): Oh, no!
JAN: Oh, no!
Oh!
Oh, no!
What is it, Jan?
What in the world is the matter?!
My locket it's gone.
I wore it to bed a couple of hours ago,
then something woke me up
and I found out it was gone!
Are you sure you wore it to bed?
Yes. I've worn it to bed
every night since I got it.
Are you positive you wore it tonight?
Positively positive.
It's gone, all right.
My beautiful little locket.
No card or return address.
Gone as mysteriously as it came.
We got a real mystery
on our hands, fellas.
Yeah. First the locket arrives.
Second, it disappears.
Any suggestions?
I got one.
What?
Maybe somebody took it.
Well, of course, dumb-dumb.
But who, what, when,
where, why and how?
I just had a suggestion.
I don't know all that junk.
PETER: Hey
What about us trying to solve this
just the way they do
on detective shows on TV?
Great idea.
They always round up all the characters
and then recreate the crime.
Right.
We'll do it all over again,
just the way it happened.
BOBBY: Hey.
Don't we have to get the locket back first,
if we want to do it all over again?
A reenactment of the what?
Of the crime, Dad.
What crime?
Whoever stole Jan's locket.
We don't know.
Jan's locket was stolen, Greg.
What else could've happened to it?
Everyone's looked everywhere for it.
That's why we thought we'd have
a reenactment of the crime.
If it's okay with you.
Like they solve things on TV.
You mean a reenactment of the
events leading up to the crime.
Yeah, Dad, I guess I do.
Yeah, but we know that everyone
was in bed that night.
Well, not everyone, Mom.
Oh?
What do you know
that your mother and I don't?
Well, I know that Peter and I
were just getting back
after raiding the refrigerator.
And then Jan let out that shriek.
And the others?
Well, I think we should let each one
speak for himself or herself.
After they learn their
Constitutional rights,
everything they say
may be used against them.
Looks like we have
Perry Mason Jr. in the family.
Cindy, you were asleep
when Jan's locket vanished,
weren't you?
No, Mommy, I wasn't.
Where were you?
Standing out in the hall.
In the hall? Why?
I thought I heard a noise under my bed.
What kind of a noise?
Well, like a mouse.
Cindy, I have never seen
any mice in this house.
Well, maybe they see
you first, and scram.
Why didn't you come and get me?
I was going to and Jan
hollered and well
Honest.
Marcia, you were asleep
the night Jan's locket
did its vanishing act,
weren't you?
No, Mom.
I wanted to make you think I was asleep,
but I wasn't really.
Oh?
Well, I was studying in my bed.
Studying for what?
The English test I had the next day.
I'm not doing too good in English.
"Well."
You see?
Well, anyway, that's where I was
when Jan yelped.
I know you thought I was asleep,
Dad, but I wasn't.
Well, we know that Greg and Peter
were in the kitchen
and Marcia was in bed studying
and Cindy was out in hall.
Now, just exactly what were you doing?
Brushing my teeth.
At 10:00 at night?
I forgot earlier.
And teeth can't tell time.
This is a routine question
we're asking everybody, Alice.
Were you asleep when Jan's
locket did its fade-out?
No, I wasn't asleep, Mr. Brady.
I was writing a letter to my sister.
In your room?
No, in the family room.
Nobody else was there.
I hope you don't mind.
Oh, we don't mind at all.
That is, if you don't mind
doing a repeat performance
in the family room tonight.
What's up, Mr. Brady?
The boys think we ought
to do a reenactment
of the events leading up
to the crime, see?
With everyone doing exactly
what they were doing
the night the locket disappeared.
ALICE: Well, you want
my unsolicited opinion,
I think the boys are
watching too much TV.
Well, that may be so, Alice,
but at least they're trying
to do something constructive.
I'll go along.
Back to the family room and
another letter to my sister.
She'll drop dead.
Two letters from me
in the same century?
In the same week.
The reenactment is scheduled
to take place at 10:00 tonight.
On the dot.
Well, in that case, we'd
better synchronize our watches.
Oh, yeah.
Well, here we are.
Right where we were when it happened.
( Chuckling )
Hey, you know something, Mike? What?
I think I could learn to like
the reenactment of crimes.
Ooh groovy, Mrs. Brady.
Hey, we ought to have
one of these every night.
Come on, now, what were
we talking about?
The coat.
That you and Alice didn't buy.
Oh, yeah, that coat.
Listen, were you nuzzling me like this?
Well, there can be a little
leeway in reenactments.
A little leeway?!
Come on, what really
went on around here
the night Alice and I were gone?
Oh, everything was just
completely peaceful.
Hey, this is a phony reenactment.
Last time we stole fried chicken.
It doesn't matter.
We get to eat again, don't we?
Bobby.
Bobby!
Get to bed.
( Garbled ): I'm brushing my teeth!
Put that down and get to bed.
You're supposed to be asleep.
Yeah, I know.
But how can I be asleep
when it's almost time for me to scream?
Well, why don't you try?
Close your eyes
and count sheep or something.
One sheep, two sheep
What do you suppose is going on?
I don't know, but we better stay here.
( Garbled ): Can't I even
spit out the toothpaste?
Why didn't you spit it out
in the bathroom?
You said we had to do
just what did before.
I didn't spit now 'cause I didn't spit then.
And you know something?
What?
It's hard to talk with your
mouth full of toothpaste.
The suspense is killing me.
So's the toothpaste!
( Screaming )
( Screaming )
( Screaming )
Oh! Oh, I just remembered something!
You remembered what, Jan?
That's why I screamed.
Only it wasn't a screamy scream,
it was a happy scream.
It was still a scream; What's happened?
Well, you know, I've been wearing
this whistle around my neck
instead of my locket.
Yes?
Well, um, what's happened
is what I remembered.
I completely forgot about the little bear.
The little bear?
JAN: Yeah.
The night my locket vanished,
all the stars were out
jillions of them, like tonight.
And you stopped at the window to see
if you could see the little bear.
Yeah. And you know
what you said, Mom?
Yes that maybe the clasp broke
and the locket just fell off?
Yes, so if it did
it just might have fallen off here
while I was looking for the little bear.
( Crickets chirping )
And there it is!
Jan, wait a minute.
Where?
Right there.
( Grunting )
Oh, my beautiful little locket!
Found in the ivy, outside the window.
Dad, did you find it?
Did you find it?
Yeah, in the vines
underneath the windowsill.
Hey, that's great.
That means the reenactment
really worked.
Yeah, I guess it did.
Oh, that's good news, Mr. Brady.
That sure is good news.
You look radiant.
This is the happiest morning of my life
after the happiest night of my life.
'Cause you got the locket back?
Of course. And if I hadn't been
looking for the little bear,
I would've never found it.
It was the reenactment that did it.
I thought the reenactment
was a lot of fun.
It was better after Bobby
spit out his toothpaste.
Did you ever finish
that second letter to your sister?
Well, I just pretended
to write that second letter, Jan,
because my longhand is so bad.
Your longhand?
Yeah, even I can't read it.
Jan, you're growing older.
What's that got to do
with anything, Alice?
Well, there's something
I'd like to explain to you,
which I think you'll understand,
which I want to keep a secret
just between the two of us.
You stay here.
I'll be right back.
Alice, you mean you typed
my name and address
on the label on that package?
Same way I typed
that first letter to my sister
on that beat-up old portable
I keep in my closet.
Then you sent me the locket.
I'm the guilty party.
That was a wonderful thing to do.
Why didn't you say so?
Well, that's what I want to explain to you.
And what I want to keep a secret.
You and Peter are the
middle kids in this family,
but he's a boy, and it doesn't
make so much difference.
Sometimes I get a little jealous
of Cindy 'cause she's the baby.
And sometimes
Marcia bosses me around.
That's what I'm talking about.
See, I know what it is to be middle
'cause I'm a middle sister, just like you.
I was born between Emily and Myrtle.
Myrtle was the baby,
and Emily did the bossing.
Did your mother and father
love you as much as them?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was just that, every now and then,
I got the feeling that
I was nothing very special
'cause I wasn't the oldest
and I wasn't the youngest.
You know what I mean?
I know what you mean.
Well, that's why
even though I never play
favorites among you kids
from one middle sister to another.
You know, my favorite aunt
gave me that locket
for the same reason.
Oh, Alice, you're
you're just too much, that's all.
That's enough, Jan.
Now, this battered old
typewriter has a date
with a screwdriver.
And nobody but you and I will ever know
that, for a few days, you
were something special.
Alice, as long as I have this locket,
I'll always feel that I'm something special.
Mom! Dad! Guess what just arrived
all the way from Alaska!
A totem pole! A totem pole!
How did you know?
And I'll bet there was no card attached.
How did you know that, too?
Were you expecting a totem pole
with no card attached?
In this family, who
knows what to expect?
( laughing loudly )
I didn't think I was that funny.
I was thinking about
something else, Dad.
What, honey?
That I'm the middle girl
on the tele totem pole!
( All laughing )