8 Simple Rules (2002) s01e26 Episode Script

1
I'd appreciate it
if you guys could
stay off the phone for awhile.
There are gonna be
a lot of women calling me.
- Calling you what? Geek?
- Perv?
- Freak?
- Loser?
Not anymore.
I got a part in the
Spring play. You're
looking at Lord
Fancourt Babberly.
Is that Charley's Aunt?
Yeah, I read that in high school.
Yeah, everybody
reads that in high
school. Did you read it, Rory?
I glanced at it.
The point is, the
drama club has five
girls for every guy.
I'm gonna be in with the ladies.
- You sure are.
- What?
Well, it's about
a guy who has to
impersonate his
elderly Spanish aunt.
- So?
- And you play that guy.
So?
So, you spend most
of the play in a dress.
I knew that.
- Rory. In a play. In a dress.
- We are so there.
No!
Dad, Mr. Doyle's
not gonna go away.
Shh! If he hears you, the last
six minutes have been for naught!
Dad, you wanna get that?
OK.
- Hey, neighbor.
- Fred. What's up?
Well, it's pancake
breakfast time.
And don't worry, this year, we'll
remember to cook the sausages.
How you doing, girls?
Fred, you're still
a Pioneer Ranger?
But your boy's
been in college for two years.
Well, you never leave
the Pioneers, Paul.
As a matter of fact, the day
that Donny made Trail Chief,
I'm not ashamed to say,
I cried like a baby.
You know, you and Rory
ought to give it a shot.
Dad, take a look at this!
People!
He's in a play.
Yeah, well, I'm a Pioneer Ranger,
Paul, not a judge.
Hey, there's the
queen of the castle.
I said he's in a play.
I meant your better half.
Oh, how ya doing?
Hi, Fred.
Mary Ellen and I have
been talking about
what a good time we had the
time we took you two to dinner.
Oh, yeah, yeah, we did, too.
In fact, we owe you on that one.
What's it been, like, six months?
Coming on to two years.
That was a great dinner though,
wasn't it?
You know what? Give me
give me ten of those tickets.
You had the Porterhouse
and the shrimp right, Pauly?
- You know what, I'll take 20.
- There you go.
That's very, very
generous of you
two. Thank you.
Thank you very much.
See ya later, girls.
And, uh good
luck with the play.
Yeah.
I'm quitting that play.
Rory, you made a commitment. We
don't go back on our commitments.
You couldn't be more
embarrassing than Fred Doyle.
Come on, Cate, the guy says
"How's your doody?" Not "Hello."
But "How's your doody?"
What about Beth
and Alison Doyle?
I mean, they have
a lemonade stand.
- Oh, now that's cute.
- Mom, they're in high school.
It's more like a
lame-onade stand.
Last week they
had a cookie stand.
Yeah, it's more like
a lame-a-cookie stand.
Yeah, and awhile ago
they had a mud pie stand.
Yeah, it's more like a m
No, I got nothing.
Paul, can you
believe how mean your
daughters are being
about the Doyles?
- "Lame-a-cookie" stand.
- Paul!
Mom, you are
worse than all of us.
At least we don't
duck down in between
cars when we see
Mrs. Doyle coming.
I dropped my keys!
- Right, Mom.
- Right, babe.
OK. All right. OK.
I may have been a little less
than generous in the past.
But I feel guilty hearing
you kids do it.
So it stops right now. I am
inviting the Doyles for dinner.
Maybe we'll all learn
to be a little more accepting.
- What? No!
- End of discussion. Right, Paul?
They swing dance, Cate.
As a family.
We are doing it,
and that's final.
As a family?
All right, that's enough.
Now, that's them.
- Remember, best behavior.
- Come on, let's go.
Well, at least Dorky Donny
Doyle's away at college.
Bridget, stop saying that.
He is not dorky.
Now, the Doyles are real,
regular people just like us.
- Hello.
- Hello
- Hello.
- Hello ♪
How's your doody?
We have been
rehearsing that all day.
Well, that's time well spent.
- Hi.
- Put that right in the kitchen.
Hi. Hi, girls, how are ya,
just follow
Hi, Rory. Wanna play house?
No.
I can be the Mommy,
and you can be the Daddy.
Oh, Mary Maureen, maybe Rory
would like to be the Mommy.
He's in a play.
Oh, Beth, Alison,
those are lovely
bracelets. Aren't they, girls?
Huh? Oh, yeah.
What are they made of?
Hair. Can we have
some of yours, Kerry?
- Yeah. Redheads are hard to get.
- Mom?
You know, you really didn't have
to do all this, Mary Ellen.
Oh, pish-tosh.
It's just a lattice
of prosciutto
and asparagus on
toasted focaccia.
I know how hard
it is for you working
gals to find time
to do real cooking.
Oh, well, I like to think I still
know my way around a kitchen.
Pish-tosh.
- The ham's heated.
- Oh.
I would've done
more, but I've been
so darn busy planning
Moira's wedding.
Moira's getting
married? I thought
she was in the Peace Corps.
Yeah. Yeah. We had to beg her
to come home for her wedding.
Oh, Cate, I'm
sorry we didn't invite
you guys, it's,
it's just family.
Don't give it another thought.
- You know
- Really. I'm serious. Don't.
You're gonna love
this, Bridget. Our
son is stopping
by a little bit later.
Dorky? Donny,
Donny's stopping by?
Yes, sir.
Donny came from
Annapolis to help us
with the wedding
plans, bless his heart.
He has to skedaddle
right back tonight though.
Yeah, but he wanted to swing by
to say hi to his little Bridgie.
Um, Mom, you know,
I'm not feeling very well.
Maybe it's those eggs you cooked.
I think I should go lie down.
Oh, I think you'll be alright.
Why don't you
just stay down here.
Oh, well, don't make her
suffer on our account.
Don't eat the ham.
I'll get it.
It must be Donny. Don't tell him
he missed our "hello" bit.
It'll break his heart.
Hi.
- Donny?
- Hi, Kerry.
It's been awhile. Hey, everybody.
- Hi.
- Hi, sweetheart.
I just wanted to say hi before
I headed back to the academy.
Where's Bridget?
Oh, sweetheart,
you just missed her.
She wasn't feeling well.
Bad eggs. Working gal.
Mom wants you to
come down. Donny's
here. And he's gonna
leave in a second.
Ugh! Does he
still have that ugly,
braces, geeky,
scrawny thing going on?
Yes. Yes, he does.
Then I'm still sick.
We're heading down
to the garden show tomorrow.
Gonna take a look at the weed
whackers. See, this one here
- has a three-inch spool.
- She's a beaut.
Yeah, sure is.
This baby over here
is gas powered with
a five-inch spool.
It's pretty tempting.
Then get that one.
Here, get down here.
Look who's feeling better.
Well, there's a
brave little girl.
You know, you
could be a real good
Pioneer Ranger, if
we allowed girls in,
which we don't, and never will.
Fred, I think it's getting kind
of late, it's time for us to
- We had a lovely
play charades!
Hey, is this side shorter?
Oh, now, come on,
it wasn't that bad.
Oh, pish-tosh.
OK, it was. But
look, we did a good
thing and we never
have to do it again.
Thank God.
Fred. Mary Ellen.
You're back. Why?
Well, we had such
a great time tonight,
and we prayed over this
walking across the street.
We got an answer.
We'd like Team Hennessy to be
part of little Moira's wedding.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
You, you want us to participate
in your daughter's wedding?
I thought you said
it was just family.
That's how we think of you now.
Yeah, you know,
since Paul's a
writer, he can scribble
out something for
Moira's wedding.
Just try to keep it clean there,
will ya, buddy.
Oh, and Cate.
We'd love it if you'd sing.
Oh, I'm not really a singer.
Now, now, I hear you
when you're gardening.
And let me tell you,
If your flowers were
as pretty as your
voice, I'd worry
about my blue ribbons.
But they're not.
Also, since Moira's
friends are all in
third world countries,
God bless 'em,
we'd like, Kerry and Bridget
to be the bridesmaids.
- No.
- But we barely know Moira.
Yeah, this is her special day.
She doesn't want me up there.
I mean, people should
be looking at her.
Bridesmaids.
Mrs. Doyle?
Do you have a ring bearer?
- Oh, no.
- We do now.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Um
When exactly is the wedding?
- Twenty-eighth.
- The twenty-eighth. Ooh
Sorry, we already have
a prior commitment.
It's Grandma's birthday.
I have to be there.
'Cause she thinks I'm Grandpa.
And we always honor
our commitments.
That's a fine example to set for
the children. We
understand, Catey.
Fred Doyle.
- You did it again.
- What?
The 28th is our anniversary.
The wedding is the 21st,
you silly-billy.
It is. It sure is.
- Hello? Anybody home?
- Oh.
So you'll be able
to make it after all.
Well, I can't see why not.
Can you, Cate? Think. Hard.
"So let's raise our glass
to the happy couple
as they embark upon this
truly remarkable voyage.
To Moira and her groom"
Cate, this is not
a name. How can
I pronounce it?
It's in Morse code?
Well, I think the accent's
on the second
- Is it really? I'll write that.
- Mom.
Mother, we cannot
wear these dresses.
- Mint Julep, anybody?
- Dad!
I'm sorry, it's just that
Camptown ladies sing that song
Doo-dah, doo-dah
- I hate you.
- I hear that.
Doo-dah, Doo-dah
It's just so much fun to see
my children in dresses.
Careful what you wish for.
It was so fun rehearsing
with you, Rory.
Why, Katie Sharpe,
you make me blush.
Don't forget the flyers.
- 'Bye, Mr. and Mrs. Hennessy.
- 'Bye, Katie.
You guys look ridiculous.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Take off that dress and slip into
something more comfortable
like boxing gloves. Come on.
- Oh, Bridget, it's Donny Doyle.
- Oh, I owe you.
Bridget, that is rude.
What have we been talking about?
Oh, Mary Ellen
isn't with him, is she?
- Nope. It's just Donny.
- That's rude.
- Hey, Kerry.
- Hey, Donny.
- Bridget just stepped out.
- I guess I keep missing her.
I know. It's funny, isn't it?
It's really, really funny.
I just came up for
the bachelor party.
Oh, how was it? Pretty wild?
Know that movie Bachelor Party?
- Yeah.
- We watched it.
Well, I gotta get
back to school tonight.
Tell Bridget I'll see her at the
wedding, and to
save a dance for me.
OK. I will. 'Bye.
Come on, you have to
at least say hello.
No, it's too late. He just left.
Oh, darn it.
You know, Bridge,
Donny is actually very cute.
Yeah, right, Mom.
And he's got a great personality,
right? Good parenting. Duh!
Yeah, Mom. Duh!
OK, guys, I think
I have a handle
on my wedding
speech. And it's good.
I've got two
minutes on those old
shorts Fred uses
when he washes his car.
It's hilarious.
I'll just give you a taste.
"Moses called,
and he wants his shorts back."
Never mind. Never mind.
Hey, guys, look at
this. This says that
Rory's play is
opening next Saturday.
That's the same
day as the wedding.
Rory gets out of the wedding?
That little weasel.
What, what Bridget
means to say is
we don't wanna miss his opening.
Yeah, because he's our little
brother and we
love him and stuff.
Wait a minute, Cate.
Don't you get it? This is it.
This is the Holy
Grail, what we've
been waiting for,
manna from heaven.
This is our prior commitment.
Hallelujah!
OK, Paul, but you're
just gonna have
to be brutally honest with them.
- Me? I'm not telling 'em.
- Let me tell 'em!
The reason I called
you over here
well, you know,
we're honored that
you want us to be
in your wedding.
Oh, we're the ones
who are honored.
Abso-tively.
Posi-lutely.
- Do it now, Dad.
- Rory.
Yes, siree. We're
always saying you're
the greatest
people on the block.
Well, I don't know
if we're the greatest.
Ah, come on, Paul,
every time you see
me when you're
getting out of your car,
you're never too
busy to shoot me that
wave before you
race over to the house.
And I so admire Cate. A working
gal and a devoted housewife.
Even with, well, her condition.
Excuse me?
Cate, I see you in
the grocery store
parking lot always
dropping your keys.
And sometimes it takes you
forever to right yourself.
The The courage.
And your children,
your children are the greatest.
Like the time Bridget carried
Mary Maureen all
the way back home
after she fell off
her first tricycle.
Well, it was the least I could
do. I mean, I did push her.
All of this makes what I have
to say all the more difficult.
You know, you're
not gonna believe this,
but you're the first
family on the block
that's ever invited
us into your home.
- No.
- No.
Yes, it's true.
That night was
pretty special for us.
Yeah.
You know
Each and every one
of you has shown us
what it's like to be
a good neighbor.
Ah, heck, a good person.
- We, we love you guys.
- Oh, Fred.
Oh, boy. What, is somebody
peeling an onion in here?
Paul, what were you
gonna say there, buddy?
Oh, well, I was just gonna say
Moses called, he
wants his shorts back.
Seriously, I would like
to thank Fred and Mary Ellen
as well as the groom's parents
Sha Ko
Oh, man. Uh
Thank you both.
And I'd like to say it means
so much to Team Hennessy
for being a part of today's
wonderful, beautiful ceremony.
Thank you very much.
- Paul, that's a lovely speech.
- Well, thanks.
How did you think of all those
wonderful things
to say about Moira?
I just thought about what I'd say
if one of our girls got married.
Oh, Paul look.
There's Rory and Mary Maureen.
This is so fun.
I'm supposed to be at
a cast party right now.
- I'm in a play.
- You're a star?
Star? Yeah, I'm a star.
We're doing two
more performances.
You can come if you want.
OK.
You know, honey, we did this
for all the wrong reasons,
but it's turning
out pretty nice.
Yeah.
- Hey, look at the girls.
- Ohh
They're making friends with
people they used to make fun of.
Moses lost his shorts.
- So did we.
- Let's not get crazy.
Um Ladies and germs.
Um As if today
weren't special enough,
back by popular demand,
Cate Hennessy.
- Oh, that's your cue.
- Thank you.
- Hide me.
- What happened? What's wrong?
Kerry says Donny
is here looking for
me. He wasn't even
supposed to be here.
He was supposed to be
at Navy college all day.
Dad, I cannot be seen with Dorky
Donny Doyle. God!
Please don't see me!
Please don't see me!
Please don't
Excuse me, Miss
Hennessy, but may
Dorky Donny Doyle
have this dance?
At last
My love has come along
My lonely days
Would you just excuse me
for one second? OK.
Ow!
Shall we, Donny?
At Last
Skies above are blue
- Huh.
- Yeah, Fred, I see 'em.
Yeah, it looks like we could be
more than just good friends.
Who knows?
- One day we could be family.
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
I found a dream
That I could speak to
A dream that I
Could call my own
Well, I really can't believe
I would ever say this,
but I actually had fun
with the Doyles tonight.
I'll get it.
- Hello, ladies.
- Hey, Rory. Listen
Oh, my God.
Girls, Wait! Just give me two
minutes and I'll
throw on my dress.