Family Affair (1966) s01e26 Episode Script

1
I'm gonna be gone, Uncle Bill.
I'm gonna be gone three days, and I want
you kids to promise me while I'm gone,
you're not gonna make Mr. French raise his
voice.
Can't we promise for two days?
I wish I was going to San Francisco.
Me too.
Any place but school.
Now, what kind of talk is that,
huh?
When I was your age, I had a walk.
No, come to think of it, when I was your
age, that was my motto, too.
Any place but school.
Let's go, Buffy, Jody.
Get your books.
Bye-bye.
Have a nice trip, Uncle Bill.
I wish I was going to San Francisco.
Everybody wants to go to San Francisco but
me.
You know what you kids have done,
huh?
Turned me into an old homebody.
Bye, Uncle Bill.
Bye, Uncle Bill.
And now be sure to wait for me after
school.
I'll be coming by for you instead of Mr.
French.
Why can't he come?
He has to pick up his nephew at the
airport.
Nephew's arriving?
All the way from England.
Come on.
Bye-bye.
Bye, Uncle Bill.
Have a nice trip.
Cissy says you got a nephew coming to
town.
Oh, do we sure, sir?
My brother Algernon's son, David.
Your plane ticket is in the inner pocket,
sir.
And I've taken the Liberty of enclosing a
list of fine small restaurants in San Francisco.
French, you think of everything.
Only one's duty as a gentleman's
gentleman, sir.
Now, your nephew coming here to work?
No, sir, he's an exchange student on his
way to California.
He'll be in the city only until Sunday.
I, uh
I should like to invite him here,
sir.
That is, if you have no objection.
Well, I haven't got any objections.
Why don't you have him come for dinner,
and then he can meet Cissy.
It'd be nice for her, exchange student,
all that.
Oh, no, son.
One of the very first rules my father laid
down when my brothers and I went into
service was that undue familiarity doomed the
relationship between master and servant, son.
Well, I'm not your master, and you're not
my servant.
We just sort of work together.
A matter of semantics, son.
However, I do appreciate your kindness.
David will visit us, but not for dinner.
Nothing.
Okay, whatever you say.
First rule my father laid down to me was don't
argue with a man who's got his mind made up.
And this is our living room.
The interior decorator is world famous.
I say this is a splashy pad.
Not pad, David.
A gentleman's apartment.
Of course, it's by no means the size of
the manor house.
Where your father heads the stuff.
I say, Mr. Davis must be pretty well
fixed.
Lots of lolly.
Lolly.
One makes it a rule, David, never to
inquire about financial status.
Our panorama of Manhattan is most
extraordinary.
Magnificent sweep.
You're lucky, Uncle Nigel.
Yes, our profession is one to make us
proud.
Your great-grandfather was a gentleman's
gentleman, as was your grandfather,
your father, and all of your uncles,
including myself.
Seems to run in the family.
Yes.
And when you finish your education,
you too will carry on the family tradition.
I'm afraid not, Uncle Nigel.
I beg your pardon?
I've decided not to become a gentleman's
gentleman.
Not a gentleman's gentleman?
What then?
I'm going to be a dentist.
A dentist?
You, the last of the French family,
a dentist?
That's right, Uncle Nigel.
I intend to go to work for myself.
What was your father's reaction to your
becoming a dentist?
Just about like yours.
He sat down like a rock.
I think I could do with a spot of tea.
Hi, Mr. French.
Oh, boy.
No more school till Monday.
Just fun.
From the state you're in, I presume fun
started on the way home.
Well, I was a little late picking them up.
They were playing leapfrog.
And we missed a couple of times.
Did your nephew get here?
To be sure.
David?
Yes, Uncle Nigel?
May I present Buffy, Jody, and Miss Cissy
Davis.
How do you do?
Hello.
Welcome to America.
I win, Jody.
Here's the gob.
Jody said you would wear a funny black
hat, like he does.
Ballers aren't for me, old boy.
Come along, children.
Scrubbing is in order.
Oh, David, you'll be wanting to return to
your hotel.
I'll call you this evening.
Okie doke, Uncle Nigel.
Okie doke.
Bye-bye, Miss Davis.
Oh, why rush off?
You're the first British boy I've ever
met.
Except for the velvet vultures.
And I've only heard them on records.
They do have rather a frantic beat,
don't they?
Rather.
Come on in.
When my uncle mentioned three children in the family,
I didn't expect to meet such a lovely young lady.
Oh, thank you.
I've only been in New York for a few
months.
I was born in Terre Haute.
Terre Haute?
Indiana.
Last year they had the best basketball
team in the whole state.
Don't know much about basketball.
Rugby's more my game.
Rugby.
That's like our football, isn't it?
Yes, but far more exciting.
Oh, I wouldn't say that.
Lexie High's playing DeWitt Clinton
tonight.
Why don't you come along?
Love to.
What time?
There are a bunch of us kids meeting
downstairs about 5.30.
We're going in a bus.
Jolly good.
I'll get back to my hotel and change into
something a bit more gear.
You know, less formal.
Still here?
Sir, David.
Just leaving, Uncle Nigel.
That's all.
Oh, David, there's an excellent exhibit of
British science at the Coliseum.
Thought you might like to take it in this
evening.
Perhaps tomorrow, Uncle Nigel.
I have other plans for tonight.
See you later, Miss Davis.
I've invited David to the Lexie High
football game.
He's cute.
I must say, American football is smashing.
I knew you'd love it.
Do you want to come in and say goodnight
to your uncle?
Oops.
Better not disturb him.
It's almost ten.
Besides, I'm seeing him tomorrow.
He has some friends he'd like me to meet.
Okay.
Goodnight, David.
Goodnight, Cissy.
Miss Cissy?
Good evening.
Oh, Mr. French, you should have seen David
at the football game.
The way he yelled and cheered.
You'd never know he was your nephew.
For which I can only be grateful.
He's not a bit like you.
Well, I mean, you're very nice, but I just can't imagine
you at his age letting yourself go the way he did.
Well, letting oneself go is hardly in the
family tradition.
Too bad David isn't an exchange student in
New York.
We could have a bar.
Good night.
Good night, Miss Cissy.
After the game, we went to an
establishment called a pizza parlor.
I had three pizzas and a frozen jumbo.
Thought I'd never get to sleep.
Well, Mr. Middlebrook and Mr. Withers
should be along shortly.
Friends of mine and your Uncle Giles.
I'm looking forward to meeting them.
Cissy and I had a wonderful time last
night.
Her name is Miss Cissy.
Isn't that what I said?
Not exactly.
You referred to her as Cissy.
Well, what's wrong with that?
Now, let me make myself clear,
David.
You see, there are certain
Ah, there, Mr. French.
I presume that this is the young visitor
to our shores.
My nephew, David.
Mr. Withers, Mr. Middlebrook.
How do you do?
How do you do?
Your uncle informs me you are here in the
States as an exchange student.
Yes, sir, I am.
Then, of course, you will return to
England, follow in the family tradition,
and become a member of our distinguished
profession.
No, sir, I'm going to be a dentist.
What do you say, dentist?
Dentist was the word.
Ah, they're a surprise, Mr. French.
Well, I didn't know myself until
yesterday.
But the lad is young.
He's likely to change his mind.
Indeed.
Indeed, indeed.
No offense, of course.
Hi, David.
Hi, Cissy.
David, how'd you like to go rowing in
Central Park?
Sounds like fun, ducky.
Mr. French, we'll be back in time for
dinner.
David, you can eat with us.
Splendid.
Nice meeting you, gentlemen.
See you later, Uncle Nigel.
Bye-bye.
Rather chummy, wouldn't you say?
I would indeed.
I believe an apology for David is in
order.
Quite.
The young man may be your nephew, but I must
say he has overstepped the bounds of propriety.
If any relative of mine were to address
the relative of my employer as ducky,
I'd hang my head in shame.
You're right, gentlemen.
I shall set David straight this evening.
Bravo.
Good show.
I sure like frankfurters.
I sure like beans.
20 years of preparing epicurean delights,
and I sink to frankfurters and beans.
Tastes great to me.
Hear that, Mr. French?
He's only been here for two days,
and he's practically Americanized.
So it appears.
After dinner, we'll have that little chat,
I suppose.
Okie dokie.
Look, Uncle Nigel.
Okie dokie, dear.
Mr. French, can me and Jody have chocolate sundaes
for dessert with marshmallows and cherries on them?
After frankfurters and beans, ice cream
without accoutrement is quite sufficient.
Did we ever have a sundae with
accouperments?
No.
Let's try it sometime.
Yeah.
I've got a brand new Velvet Vultures
album.
Well, let's have a go at it then.
Mr. French, I'll get it.
It's Sharon.
David, when you get to be a dentist,
will you fix Mrs. Beasley's teeth?
Why, I'd love to.
Buffy, she doesn't have any teeth.
Well, if David made her some English ones,
she could talk pretty, like him and Mr.
French.
Mrs. Beasley shall be my very first
patient.
Come on in.
Hi, David.
Hi, Sharon.
You're just in time for the record
session.
Why stay home and listen to records when
we can all go to the jazz festival?
Peter Hoyt had some extra tickets left
over.
The jazz festival?
That's great.
I'm all for it.
Me, too.
Me, too.
Uh-uh.
Sorry, you kids.
You're too young.
That's the trouble with our age.
Yeah.
You're always too young.
Come along, Jody, Buffy.
Your ice cream is on the table.
Oh, boy!
Good evening, Miss Sharon.
Hi, French.
Oh, Mr. French, guess what?
Sharon's boyfriend had some extra tickets
to the jazz festival tonight.
We're taking David along.
Sharon, you'd like to go, wouldn't you,
David?
Love to.
If Uncle Nigel doesn't mind.
Well, I was counting on having a little
chat with David this evening.
Can't you talk to him tomorrow?
These tickets are practically impossible
to get.
I suppose under the circumstances,
we can wait.
Thanks, Uncle Nigel.
We'd better hurry if we want to get there
on time.
You ring for the elevator, and I'll go get
my coat.
Oh, David, since tomorrow's your last day
in New York, why don't we rent bicycles?
And go riding in the park.
Splendid, Cissy.
And the treat's on me.
Okay, I'll go get my coat.
Cissy and David sure have been bicycling a
long time.
Yes, a very long time.
Well, why didn't Cissy take us with them?
Because all her sisters don't want younger
kids around when they're out with their boyfriends.
Buffy, David is not Miss Cissy's
boyfriend.
Oh, Mr. French!
Oh, Miss Cissy, but where's David?
Oh, he said to tell you that he's going
back to the hotel to write some postcards.
Mr. French, we'll need somebody to stay with
Buffy and Jody while we go with him to the airport.
We?
David asked me to go along and see him
off.
I'll call Sharon and see if she's beat him
on the twins.
So you see, David, being a
gentleman's gentleman means more
to me than any other
occupation I could wish to follow.
The same, I can safely say, applies to
your father.
You understand?
Well, no, not exactly.
I'm suggesting, David, that under the
circumstances, it is highly irregular,
not to say improper, that you have the
niece of my employer come to see you off.
But, Uncle Nigel, I'm not a gentleman's
gentleman.
I'm going to be a dentist.
However, at the moment, you are not a
dentist.
You are my nephew.
It isn't a matter of subservience, David,
simply that one behaves with proper dignity.
I understand, Uncle Nigel.
You want me to call
Cissy and Miss Cissy.
Miss Cissy and ask her not to come to the
airport.
I can only suggest, David, the decision
must be yours.
Then you will call her.
I don't know.
I'm going to have to think about it.
I'm sure you will arrive at the only
logical conclusion.
I shall pick you up at five, David.
Hey, anybody home?
Uncle Bill!
Hi, Cissy.
We didn't expect you, Uncle Mike.
Well, I caught an early plane.
Where's French and the kids?
Mr. French said he had to go out on an
errand.
The twins are upstairs with Sharon.
She's minding them while we're seeing
David off at the airport.
David.
Oh, yeah, French's nephew.
Oh, he's very nice.
And very British.
What's he look like?
Rex Harrison?
Richard Burton?
Oh, Uncle Bill.
Well, I'm glad you had fun.
Look, I'll be back soon as I get
comfortable.
Hello?
Hello, David.
It's for me.
Yeah, I figured it might be.
I'm all set to go to the airport.
Well, I don't understand, David.
Well, it will be sort of hectic,
but I thought
Yes, of course.
Well, have a nice trip.
Goodbye, David.
Mr. French.
I see Mr. Davis has arrived.
I just got the oddest phone call.
From David.
He'd been here.
He doesn't want me to come to the airport.
He sounded so formal.
Almost as if we were strangers.
I have just left, David and Cissy.
The suggestion that you not go to the
airport was mine.
Yours?
I shall try to explain.
My nephew, David, is in a sense an
extension of myself.
In much the same manner as you, Miss
Cissy, reflect your uncle's background.
I still don't get it.
Now please let me continue, Miss Cissy.
David's familiarity with you during the whole
of his stay has proved most embarrassing.
You mean just because you work for Uncle Bill that David
and I shouldn't have gone out and had fun together?
That is exactly what I mean.
Well, what about David?
Does he feel the same way?
Well, I must say that he does not.
However, he respects his uncle's wishes.
But, Mr. French, I don't see why I can't
just say goodbye to David.
He's just my friend.
Hiya, French.
Oh, welcome home, sir.
You'll be back.
What's the whole trouble?
Mr. French and I are just having a
difference of opinion.
Well, I know.
I could hear you all the way back there.
Honey, will you go out and get the kids
now?
If anybody's gonna babysit them tonight,
it's gonna be me.
Okay.
And, Mr. French, I'm sorry I raised my
voice.
I must apologize, too, sir.
It wasn't my intention to upset Miss
Cissy.
She and your nephew got kinda chummy,
huh?
Yes, sir.
To my embarrassment.
I just don't understand the teenage
generation, sir.
Well, you're not alone there.
Neither do I.
Well, I know one thing.
They're the same all over.
Pardon, sir?
The same, you know, equal.
For instance, uh, your father laid down
certain rules for you to follow.
You went along with them because you
agreed with them, right?
Most heartily, sir.
Well, apparently David doesn't go along
with those rules, and neither does Cissy.
I mean, you can lead your own life,
but you can't lead theirs.
I see your point, sir.
It may be difficult to explain to Mr.
Withers and Mr. Middlebrook.
Well, don't tell them.
Yes, sir.
I shall let them lock horns with their own
nephews.
Hi, Uncle!
Hi, kids!
Oh, you're glad to see me?
You bet.
So did Mrs. Beasley.
Want to say hello to her?
Yeah, let's go see her.
Well, Miss Cissy, may I suggest
a slack ensemble is hardly
correct for seeing a dear
friend off at the airport?
Oh, Mr. French!
Oh, you're dumb!
Most improper.
Hey, Buffy!
Here's another funny looking stamp.
C-A-N-A-D-A Uncle Bill?
Yep?
Could I have this stamp from C-A-N-A-D-A?
Oh, Mr. Giles French, Ottawa, Canada.
My dear Mr. Davis, the royal tour of the
Commonwealth capitals has reached Ottawa.
Final stop before returning to London.
At this point, I will take my leave of Her
Majesty's service and you may expect me next week.
Sincerely, Giles French.
Well, Mr. French is coming back.
Wonderful!
Neato bosso!
But, Buff, if Mr. French comes back,
won't Mr. French have to leave?
Uncle Bill, couldn't they both stay?
Yeah.
They could have my room and I could sleep
with you.
No.
Mr. Nigel French was just helping us while
Mr. Giles French is away.
And now Mr. Nigel French has to go back to
his old job, see?
Well, Jody, at least we came out even.
We get one Mr. French and we lose one Mr.
French.
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