Family Affair (1966) s01e27 Episode Script

1
Excuse me.
Don't.
erase, Jody.
It has to be me.
It's hard to think and be neat at the same
time.
French.
Oh, look, I'll call you from Tampa.
I won't be more than a couple of days if
anybody calls.
How's Phil be back in harness?
Oh, it's as if I've never been away,
sir.
Well, well, now look at that.
No wonder I got the smartest kids in town
doing their homework at the breakfast table.
No, Uncle Bill, this isn't homework.
What are you writing there?
A fan letter to the Velvet Vultures.
Well, they're the epitome of folk jazz.
Your kids doing your spelling?
We spelled last night, Uncle Bill.
This is about the houseboat we're gonna
win.
For all of us.
Very interesting.
How are you gonna do that?
Well, we already collected 50 box tops of
crispy flakes.
Now all we gotta do is write down why we
like them.
And we don't need lots of words.
Only 10.
Well, that's a mighty fine looking
houseboat they're giving away, too.
After we win, we could go around the world
on it.
You and us and Mr. French.
Time to get ready, you guys, for school.
And you could be the captain, Uncle Bill.
Aye, aye, Middy.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
Oh, indeed I have, sir.
Now, little do they realize that millions of
other youngsters will be competing against them.
Their chances are infinitesimal,
sir.
Yeah, but in the meantime, they're having
a ball.
I like crispy flakes.
I got it because
There's got to be a reason, Jody.
Because why?
Because I want to win a house ball.
It's got to be about crispy flakes.
Because they're good.
One, two
We need three more words.
Because they're good, good, good,
good.
Put it down.
Put it down.
How many more, Mr. Smith?
Well, this doesn't The winner
of the last prize, the 150th.
Huh.
A double winner.
Twins.
Buffy and Jody Davis.
Mr. French, telephone.
We're not supposed to wake him up while
he's taking his afternoon nap.
Davis, residence.
I'd like to speak to Buffy or Jody Davis,
please.
This is us.
And this is the Crispy Flakes contest,
man, and I have a big surprise for you.
Well, I'm afraid you haven't won first place, but
you two bright little youngsters have won a prize.
Now there's a choice.
A child's encyclopedia or a baby lamb.
Now which shall it be?
What's a encyclopedia?
I don't know, but I'd sure like a baby
lamb.
Me too.
We'll take the lamb, mister.
Thanks.
Man, are you sad?
You have the right address.
Buffy and Jody Davis live here?
They do.
Then this is the right address.
Here you are, mister.
Just a moment, young man.
Nobody here purchased a lamb.
They won it in the crispy flakes contest.
Hi, Snowball.
Hey, Buffy.
He knows the name we decided.
They call him.
And just where do you propose to keep your
little friend?
I thought he could sleep in my room.
Absolutely out of the question.
Your mom would sleep in yours?
I most certainly do not.
That lamb shouldn't be inside this
apartment at all.
Here, Jody.
We'll take him out on the terrace.
Oh, no, that's not what I meant.
I do hope it's the crispy flakes people
advising me of a mistake.
Take.
Oh, Bill Davis residents here.
Hiya, French.
Listen, I'll be your flying home on the
afternoon plane.
Everything okay on the home front?
Well, it was, sir, until a few moments
ago.
What's the problem?
What's that?
That, sir, is the problem.
A lamb.
What's a lamb doing in the apartment?
Well, it arrived courtesy of crispy
flakes, sir.
Instead of a houseboat, it seems that
Buffy and Jody have won themselves a lamb.
Okay, I'll take care of it when I get
home.
Goodbye.
Could have been an elephant.
I'll be glad to drop the twins off at
school for you today, Mr. French.
That would be most convenient,
Cissy.
Okay.
It appears that I am to be the
custodian of a lamb today.
A lamb?
What lamb?
That lamb.
Cissy, this is our lamb.
His name is Snowball.
We want it instead of a houseboat.
That's wonderful.
I mean, well, not exactly wonderful.
You know, a little baby lamb.
A little lamb can be a lot of trouble.
No trouble.
Can we take him to school, Mr. French?
Most decidedly not.
Mary had a little lamb and she took hers
to school.
But you're Buffy and this lamb stays here.
Oh.
Come on.
Bye, Snowball.
Bye, Snowball.
And that is exactly the way I feel about
you.
He likes it.
What else was in the refrigerator?
I saw some apples.
Uh-uh.
That's for horses.
Hi, Chris.
Ah, hello, sir.
Hi, Lime.
Glad you're back, sir.
Snowball has arrived.
Hi there, Snowball.
That's what they're calling him,
huh?
Where'd you get the corral?
Oh, it's a baby's playpen, sir.
Miss Favisham was kind enough to loan it
to me.
Well, maybe we're starting a new trend.
Sheep ranch on the 27th floor of a
Manhattan building.
Well, have you arrived at any conclusion?
Sir?
Yep.
The kids are going to donate the lamb to
the children's zoo.
Oh, that may be rather difficult,
sir.
No, I think I can handle it.
It's got to be done, French, and it's got
to be done now.
Hi, Uncle Bill.
Hey, kids.
Hi, hi.
This is our lamb we want.
His name is Snowball.
Someday he's going to be a she.
And we're going to have to get a sheepdog
to watch him.
Listen, kids, I want to talk to you about
Snowball.
Isn't he pretty?
We're going to take care of him forever
and ever.
Just the way you take care of us.
Snowball Do you want to tell us about
Snowball, Uncle Bill?
Oh, I just think it's a pretty name you
picked out.
Snowball, that's real nice.
Please, Snowball.
Well, sir, you handle that matter rather
well.
I hear no crying.
Well, I didn't tell him.
You didn't tell them, sir?
No, I think we'll keep Snowball till
tomorrow.
All the way I look at it, what's one more
night?
Well, let's put it this way, French,
I chickened out.
Snowball Lift.
your head so I can put this pillow on.
Snowball, you can use Mrs. Beasley's
blanket tonight.
She won't mind.
French.
Hey, it's getting kind of late.
Isn't it time those kids went to bed?
Oh, yes, sir, but they didn't wish to
retire until Snowball was asleep.
Oh, well, they need sleep more than he
does.
Now get them in there to bed.
Yes, sir.
Now, Master Jody.
Shh.
Well, a lamb does not require one of our
very best sofa pillars upon which to sleep.
Just for tonight?
Oh, all right, just for tonight.
You love Snowball, too, don't you,
Mr. French?
Oh, enough of that silly talk.
Now to bed, both of you.
Good night, Snowball.
Good night.
Good night, kids.
Good night, Uncle Bill.
Good night.
Snowball is sure going to be lonely out
there.
I hope he's comfortable.
Jody, I guarantee no other lamb in the
whole world has got better sleeping conditions.
I guarantee no other lamb in the whole world
And Snowball has tonight, and he will not be lonely.
All right.
If you say so, Uncle Bill.
Snowball goes tomorrow morning,
eh, sir?
Oh, first thing, first thing.
Hush!
Nice going.
Thank you, sir.
It's all in the tone of voice,
with lambs as with children.
Thank you.
George!
There's a funny noise outside the window.
Well, there can't be a burglar around the
28th floor.
Did you hear that?
It sounds like there's a lamb out there.
I've heard of a flying lamb.
George, go see what it is.
Okay.
Okay.
Maybe it's a duck flying south.
Ducks don't go back.
It's a lamb.
That's what I said.
That's what I said.
Mr. Davis, his lamb is keeping us awake.
You're darn right I will.
That guy's a coot.
Look, I promise you he'll be out of here
in the morning.
Oh, dear me.
Oh, Mr. Davis, sir, I thought I heard the
bell.
You heard.
You heard a lamb.
Mr. Mayfield, I'm sorry, and I'll see that
he's kept quiet the rest of the night.
Oh, you'd better.
You'd better.
There must be something in the law books that
says something about lambs keeping people awake.
Well, kids are right.
He probably is lonesome out there all by
himself.
Yes, sir.
You know, we've got to do something about
it.
It'll be rather difficult to find another lamb
to keep him company this hour of night, sir.
Yeah.
Hush.
Hush.
That'll be quite enough buying for
tonight.
Well, let's go back to bed.
He likes you.
So it would appear, sir.
French, I don't know how to ask you this.
I know, sir.
You'd like me to babysit with Snowball
till he falls off to sleep.
Well, thanks.
I sure appreciate it.
A lamb nanny.
There's Mr. French.
I wonder why he isn't in his room.
Maybe he walks in his sleep.
Maybe.
Come on, Snowball.
We're going to take you out for a walk.
I'll leave this here so they'll know where
we are.
Okay, yeah.
Well, thanks, Sergeant.
Yeah, we'll keep checking with you.
What time is it?
Ten O'clock, sir.
Two hours, you know.
They could have walked that lamb to
Chicago by now.
May I suggest that we initiate a lamb and
child roundup, sir?
Yeah, come on.
It's a good thing they didn't win that
houseboat.
They'd be sailing down the Mississippi.
Hello, yes, Davis residence here.
What?
Oh, yes, uh, excuse me, it's for you,
sir.
It's the Humane Society.
The what?
Oh, yeah, hello.
Yeah, this is Mr. Davis.
Huh?
Oh, you found him, huh?
Yeah, Snowball, that's his name.
How'd you
Oh, yeah, the address tag on his collar,
yeah.
Yeah, thank you.
Well, uh, are the kids all right?
The kids, uh, little boy and little girl, uh, you
know, uh, twins, they're with him, aren't they?
Well, what'd the officer say?
Oh, I see.
Oh, well, yeah, we'll be down to Yeah,
we'll come down and get him, thank you.
Now, where have you been?
Snowball run away.
We waited and waited and he didn't come
back.
Now, don't you worry, kids, I know where
he is.
Where, Uncle Bill?
Well, he was in the park and a policeman
found him eating flowers.
I hope he didn't arrest him.
Now, you know the policeman wouldn't
arrest a little lamb.
He took him to the Humane Society.
Now, that's a real nice place where they
look after little animals when they get lost.
And we're going to go down there and get
him right now.
Let's go!
Come on!
Sir, I'd hate to spend another night on
that couch.
You don't have to, French.
Snowball goes to the children's zoo,
sir?
Right straight from the Humane Society.
I'm coming, I'm coming.
Snowball, don't you ever get lost in
again.
And don't cross streets alone.
Mr. Davis?
You're too small, like we are.
Just spoke to the children's zoo.
They'll be glad to accept the lamb.
Ah, well, I'm going to break the news to
the kids.
I wouldn't want to be in your shoes.
Neither would I, but it looks like I am.
Sorry, Uncle Bill.
He'll be a good lamb from now on.
Well, I'm sure he will.
Snowball isn't very happy here.
He wants to go home and live with us.
I don't know about that.
We're all people at our house, and lambs
kind of like to be around with other lambs.
Then we'll cut out a lot more box tops and
win a lot more lambs.
Yeah, well, the only trouble with that is that we
wouldn't be able to get them all out on the terrace.
That's right, Jody.
It's pretty small.
Then where's Snowball going to meet other
baby lambs?
Yeah, where?
That's the trouble with living in the
city.
There's no place for lambs to meet other
lambs.
Well, let's think about it.
I know where baby goats go to meet other
baby goats.
Yeah, where's that?
The children's zoo.
Too bad they don't have lambs at the
children's zoo.
Oh, they have lambs, Uncle Bill.
We saw five of them.
Oh, yeah?
That many, huh?
Well, they probably wouldn't have room for
Snowball.
Sure they would.
They'd have lots of room.
He won't be a bit lonely there.
You kids came up with a great idea.
Great idea.
Is that Snowball?
Why, sure.
You kids can go see Snowball any time you
want.
We're coming up to see you real soon.