My Three Sons (1960) s01e27 Episode Script
Soap Box Derby
1
(theme song plays)
(indistinct chatter)
(brakes squealing)
Where is it?
Gee, Trish, I just wanted you to see it.
I wasn't counting on a whole crowd.
Robbie's only taking a friendly interest, Andy.
Yeah.
You know, it's, uh, not finished yet.
Oh, that's okay, Andy.
We understand. Sure.
Well, you
you can't tell too much about it.
Oh, Andy You call that a car?
Listen, Douglas
Andy's entered in the Soapbox Derby again.
Swell, it'll keep him off the streets.
Okay, Douglas. Come on, Trish.
I'll buy us a soda down at Kimbrough's.
TRISH: Oh, Andy.
Is this yours?
ANDY: Oh, yeah. We all get helmets and shirts.
Doesn't he look dashing?
Some car, with no motor.
Well, look who's talking.
You got a motor with no car.
When's the race, Andy?
Three weeks from Saturday.
Boy, you should see the prizes.
Look at that.
That's just for winning here.
Then you go on to the All-American in Akron.
I'm gonna build a real car.
Really? If your dad ever lets you.
Now, you see
this design I'm working on here calls
for five bulkheads with nose and end pieces.
Then, of course, uh, the steering mechanism is here.
Oh, what's this?
Oh, uh, this is the wire that, uh
I could build a better racer than this with my eyes shut.
Why don't you try shutting your mouth instead?
Hey, what are you doing?
You'd look wonderful, Robbie.
Give me my helmet.
Let's go over here, Trish,
where it's a little more quiet.
This is how the car's
going to look when it's finished.
See, I'm going to have the wheels here and everything.
I'm going to sit in here
Uh, Trish, just give me a ring
when you've had enough of the kindergarten crowd.
Bye, Robbie.
(Andy continues talking indistinctly)
(indistinct chatter)
You think the bugs are in the steering mechanism?
That's right.
We've run three tests.
All three ended up in the too-far zone.
We don't usually go outside for help,
but, frankly, our boys are stumped.
Take the job and you can have anything
or anyone you want.
All you'll have to do is ask.
The sky or slightly beyond is the limit, huh?
Exactly.
Uh, there'll be a competitive firing in three weeks.
Three weeks?
Big government contract's the prize.
We hear one of the other firms,
Astrol Aircraft, has a hot one,
so the pressure's on.
The question is, do you want to be part of it?
Well, your offer's very generous.
Oh, the money's good.
But you'll earn it,
if you save us a $2 million investment.
How about it, Steve?
Well, three weeks doesn't give us much time.
But we can try.
Mr. Rankin, you've hired yourself
a consulting engineer.
What a mess this room is.
And look at His Nibs here.
Come on, get out of here, Tramp.
Get off of there. Bub?
What are you trying to do, ruin that good chair?
Get out of here. Bub.
Bub, when Dad called, when did he say he'd be home?
Well, he just told me not to worry.
Said it looked like he was going to be
bunking in with that missile thing
for about the next three weeks.
Bub, could I have a ten dollar advance
out of the household money? Ten dollars, are you kidding?
No. Ten dollars
I've got to build a racer for the Soapbox Derby,
and you're not allowed to spend over $20.
I figure I can do it for less.
Yeah, well, do you know ten dollars is a lot of cabbage?
Yeah, well, first prize is a $5,000 scholarship.
We can't afford to spend time duplicating earlier mistakes.
So I called this session so you could brief me
what you've already tried.
Okay, sure thing.
Now, as I understand it,
in each test failure, the missile trajectory
followed approximately this line of flight.
That's close.
We can give you fractional variances
from launching to destroy order.
It looks to me as if the variance is immediate.
Well, yes, sir.
In the last two test flights,
we tried to compensate for that wobble, but, uh, no luck.
All right.
Let's give ourselves something to work from.
Let's call this the ideal trajectory.
CHIP: Did you say this was the brakes?
No, that's where Mike stepped with his track shoe.
What are these things that look like croquet wickets?
Those are the bulkheads.
You just fasten them to the floorboard
and that gives you the frame.
Where do you get them?
Well, you can build them.
Out of what? Hey, get off of there, will ya?
Jeez, darn dog always messing up things.
Hey! I don't need that panel.
Hey, thanks a lot, Tramp.
Well, I know Mr. Rankin said spare no expense,
but some of these prices
Like this beryllium compound.
Can't you use something else that wouldn't cost so much?
Sure, I can use something cheaper,
if you want to take a chance (phone rings)
On pouring a $2 million investment down the drain.
But $102,000? Excuse me.
Hello. This is Douglas.
Oh, you found him, huh? Put him on, will you?
Hello, Mr. Thompson, this is Douglas
over at Independent.
Yeah, see, we have that bid of yours
on that beryllium compound,
and we feel it's a little out of line.
Yeah. Sure, I know we're asking
for the impossible, but is that any reason
for you to make a fortune on us,
just 'cause we're in a bind?
Look, Mr. Thompson, I know about
what your costs are, and, uh, $90,000
will give you a pretty good profit, wouldn't it?
Okay.
Okay, Mr. Thompson, you have it here by Monday,
and we'll guarantee a reorder up to $150,000.
$150,000
MAN: 75 cents that's the best I can do.
75 cents for a couple of old, rusty barrel hoops?
75 cents for a quality barrel
in A1 condition.
Take it or leave it.
Sir, I could maybe pay 50 cents.
Seventy-five.
Mister, all I need are the hoops.
To get the hoops, you gotta buy the barrel.
55 cents?
Seventy. Sixty-five?
Sixty-five.
Thank you, sir.
Hey, are we going to have room for it there?
Well, the specifications say we have.
(both laugh)
I guess we better. We better have, huh?
Oh, hi.
How are things going?
Well, so far so good.
We're ahead of schedule.
We're about ready to install the new oscillator.
Hmm. Well, here's hoping it gives us
the accuracy we need.
I thought you were sold on it.
Oh, I want to be.
We just had word from a friend of ours
who saw Astrol Aircraft's new missile tested.
He says it was sensational.
They used an entirely new approach.
Oh?
Well, of course, that doesn't mean
it's any better than ours.
Just different.
Different from what?
From Andy's.
CHIP: Hey, Robbie! Oh.
You going to go down to the park and watch Andy?
Hey I'm busy.
He's testing his racer on the track.
So let him.
What's so different about mine?
Well, Andy's sort of goes like this,
and and his back end comes like this.
And, um of course
that doesn't mean his is better.
I like your racer and I like Andy's, too.
Well, I built mine the way I wanted to.
Besides, what can I do about it, now?
Are you telling me you want me to throw out
this design and try to duplicate
some steering mechanism you've only heard about?
Look, we've got some film on the test.
It might be a good idea for you to take a look at it.
Mr. Rankin, I've been working practically
three shifts a day trying to adapt
a mechanism I inherited.
Now, if you don't like what I'm doing
or you want to bring in another
man you go right ahead. Oh, come on.
We've got all the confidence in the world in you
and what you're doing. Oh, sure, sure.
Only you wish our missile were
more like the one Astrol Aircraft's built.
I'm sorry, Steve.
We're all under a lot of pressure.
Yeah. Come on, let's take a look at the film.
Well, if you really want to see Andy's test,
I could use a few laughs.
Honestly, Robbie, I don't really care.
Well, we might as well give him a chance
to show us how great he is.
Sure, and it might be fun
knowing what you're up against.
So long as we don't see something
that'll make us feel like throwing in the towel.
Okay, we're ready.
(engines rumbling)
Hey, look at him come!
It's almost like he had a motor in the car.
(engines rumbling)
Somebody must have given him a push.
(projector stops)
Oh
They're using something new.
And something effective.
This doesn't mean your system
won't be just as good.
Or better.
I hope you're right, Mr. Rankin.
Because with time running out,
we have no other choice.
We're stuck with it.
Well, you're calling the play, Steve.
Mr. Douglas, we're in trouble.
ANDY: What's the matter, Douglas?
You look worried?
Yours is a lot better, Robbie.
Bet this paint'll all peel off.
And this is only cardboard.
Hey, look!
He's only got junky, old wood bulkheads.
Well, that's the kind you're supposed to have.
Unh-uh, Robbie's are steel.
He made 'em out of barrel hoops.
The bulkheads have to be wood.
Says who?
Look, right there.
It says "make bulkheads of wood only."
If you got steel bulkheads,
they won't even let your heap on the track.
TRISH: Gee, Robbie, that's a shame.
Quinn's right.
The oscillator doesn't fit.
Who wants to be in that dumb ol' derby anyway?
Can't you fix it?
I went over and over these specifications.
I thought I covered every possible angle.
We can still make it, can't we?
I'd have to tear it all apart.
Do the whole thing over again.
You know the company's with you 100%.
We'll give you whatever you need.
What are you talking about?!
Nobody can help me. That's the whole deal.
You got to do it on your own. The rule book says so.
It's got to be so long and so wide and so high.
There can't be any springs or no fenders
or no glass, and about a million other clunky rules!
Only a dope like Andy would remember them all.
Maybe I could help.
Can you give me six months to do a decent job
of researching this project?
Can you give me some 48-hour days?
Or how about a new nervous system
or a good night's sleep or a
a meal I've got time to enjoy?
Or an evening at home with my kids?
No, Mr. Rankin.
Those blank checks you keep handing me
can't buy what I really need.
And I can't give you what you really need.
Why can't a guy build a car his own way?
I'm sorry.
♪♪
I, uh, thought I told you
to get yourself another engineer.
You did but I thought
feeding the one we have was more to the point.
Whatcha doing?
Watering the bushes This is a hose.
I just watered them.
Oh, I thought this was Robbie's job.
Well, he's sort of busy,
and I didn't have anything else to do,
so I watered them.
Oh, I see. (Grunts)
Think he'll get finished in time?
Well, he's still got three days.
Oh, uh hi, Mr. Douglas.
(clears throat)
Well, she all set?
Yeah.
Um Mr. Douglas, I, um
Well
Well no matter how she behaves tomorrow,
I just want you to know it's been a real pleasure.
Thanks, Quinn.
Um good night, sir.
Good night, Quinn.
♪♪
(gun firing)
(crowd cheering)
(cheering)
Come on!
ANNOUNCER (over P.A.): And the
winner in that heat: Robbie Douglas.
Attaboy, he did it!
He did it again.
That puts him in the semifinals.
I wish his dad could have been here to see it.
(machine whirring, beeping)
Maybe Astrol's new steering system
isn't as accurate as we thought.
MAN (over speaker): The missile's
point of impact was just inside
the eastern circumference of the target area.
Not bad.
We'll do better.
Attention, please.
Now preparing for firing the Independent Four.
Attention.
ANNOUNCER: Uh, attention, please.
The drivers in the next heat Robbie
Oh, Robbie, isn't it exciting?
You're gonna leave that clunky old Andy
about six miles behind. Robbie?
Hey, they're calling for you to load up the car
for the next race. Oh, okay.
Congratulations. Thanks a lot.
No, no, no, no, Tramp, you have to stay right here.
We don't want you on the track
chasing the cars and barking at people.
I'm sorry, but you'll have to stay here.
(barking)
Good luck, Andy.
Oh, and good luck, Robbie.
You can say one thing for her.
She doesn't play any favorites.
ANNOUNCER: Uh, drivers in their cars, please.
Excuse me, I Drivers in their cars.
See you down there in the winner's circle.
MAN (over speaker): Stand by, please.
Stand by for the countdown.
Here we go.
Yeah.
ANNOUNCER: They're they're ready now, I think.
All right ten seconds.
Nine seconds.
Eight seven six Five seconds.
Four seconds.
Three seconds.
Two one.
(firing)
(rhythmic beeping)
(engines rumbling)
(cheering)
(barking)
(crowd shouting and cheering) Come on, Andy!
(rhythmic beeping)
(engines rumbling)
Great! Stay ahead! Come on, Robbie!
(crowd shouting)
(rapid beeping)
(engine rumbling)
(crowd shouting and cheering) Come on, Andy!
(crowd shouting) Come on, Rob!
Come on, Robbie!
(rapid beeping)
(crowd shouting)
(rapid beeping)
(crowd shouting)
Come on, Robbie! Come on!
(crowd shouting)
Destroy the Independent Four.
Repeat: Destroy.
(crowd shouting)
(explosion)
Well, he made a darned good try.
(explosion fades)
Robbie, I heard about the Derby.
Bub told me on the phone.
I'm sorry.
(quietly): Yeah.
He told me about the missile failure, too.
Sorry.
Yeah, I guess we're, uh,
we're about the two sorriest fellas around, hmm?
Didn't I hear Dad's car come in?
Yeah. He and Robbie are out in the garage
feeling sorry for each other.
Well, you can't blame them.
I guess they both had a pretty rough day.
Yeah, but they'll feel better
when they dig into this Prune Fluff Cake
with O'Casey's Angel Hair Frosting.
You know, we just get such great results
working by working alone.
Just think what we could do if we worked together.
We ought to go into business.
Call it Failures Incorporated.
What they need is a good laugh.
Now, I heard a story (laughing)
The other day about two ostriches.
(laughing) Well, one (laughing)
We ought to have a slogan.
Yeah, yeah. (Chuckles)
How about, Why succeed when you can fail?
See Douglas and Douglas.
No job's too easy.
Yeah. Budget turns.
Well, Rob, let's go in, huh?
Hmm, can't even do that.
Why succeed when you can fail?
Congratulations. Thank you.
(clattering)
(sputtering)
Look out for the cans, Robbie! Look out!
Watch out, Dad!
Stay there! Not yet!
(lumber clattering on floor)
(chuckling)
(clattering)
Hey, you fellas hear the one about the two ostriches?
(Steve and Robbie laughing)
Hey, did you fellas hear the one
about the two ostriches that decided to?
What are you laughing at?
I haven't even told the story yet.
Now, wait a minute, Wait a minute, will you?
Anyhow, these two ostriches were
Now, doggone it, will you quit laughing
so I can cheer you up?
What's so funny about two ostriches?
(theme song plays)
(indistinct chatter)
(brakes squealing)
Where is it?
Gee, Trish, I just wanted you to see it.
I wasn't counting on a whole crowd.
Robbie's only taking a friendly interest, Andy.
Yeah.
You know, it's, uh, not finished yet.
Oh, that's okay, Andy.
We understand. Sure.
Well, you
you can't tell too much about it.
Oh, Andy You call that a car?
Listen, Douglas
Andy's entered in the Soapbox Derby again.
Swell, it'll keep him off the streets.
Okay, Douglas. Come on, Trish.
I'll buy us a soda down at Kimbrough's.
TRISH: Oh, Andy.
Is this yours?
ANDY: Oh, yeah. We all get helmets and shirts.
Doesn't he look dashing?
Some car, with no motor.
Well, look who's talking.
You got a motor with no car.
When's the race, Andy?
Three weeks from Saturday.
Boy, you should see the prizes.
Look at that.
That's just for winning here.
Then you go on to the All-American in Akron.
I'm gonna build a real car.
Really? If your dad ever lets you.
Now, you see
this design I'm working on here calls
for five bulkheads with nose and end pieces.
Then, of course, uh, the steering mechanism is here.
Oh, what's this?
Oh, uh, this is the wire that, uh
I could build a better racer than this with my eyes shut.
Why don't you try shutting your mouth instead?
Hey, what are you doing?
You'd look wonderful, Robbie.
Give me my helmet.
Let's go over here, Trish,
where it's a little more quiet.
This is how the car's
going to look when it's finished.
See, I'm going to have the wheels here and everything.
I'm going to sit in here
Uh, Trish, just give me a ring
when you've had enough of the kindergarten crowd.
Bye, Robbie.
(Andy continues talking indistinctly)
(indistinct chatter)
You think the bugs are in the steering mechanism?
That's right.
We've run three tests.
All three ended up in the too-far zone.
We don't usually go outside for help,
but, frankly, our boys are stumped.
Take the job and you can have anything
or anyone you want.
All you'll have to do is ask.
The sky or slightly beyond is the limit, huh?
Exactly.
Uh, there'll be a competitive firing in three weeks.
Three weeks?
Big government contract's the prize.
We hear one of the other firms,
Astrol Aircraft, has a hot one,
so the pressure's on.
The question is, do you want to be part of it?
Well, your offer's very generous.
Oh, the money's good.
But you'll earn it,
if you save us a $2 million investment.
How about it, Steve?
Well, three weeks doesn't give us much time.
But we can try.
Mr. Rankin, you've hired yourself
a consulting engineer.
What a mess this room is.
And look at His Nibs here.
Come on, get out of here, Tramp.
Get off of there. Bub?
What are you trying to do, ruin that good chair?
Get out of here. Bub.
Bub, when Dad called, when did he say he'd be home?
Well, he just told me not to worry.
Said it looked like he was going to be
bunking in with that missile thing
for about the next three weeks.
Bub, could I have a ten dollar advance
out of the household money? Ten dollars, are you kidding?
No. Ten dollars
I've got to build a racer for the Soapbox Derby,
and you're not allowed to spend over $20.
I figure I can do it for less.
Yeah, well, do you know ten dollars is a lot of cabbage?
Yeah, well, first prize is a $5,000 scholarship.
We can't afford to spend time duplicating earlier mistakes.
So I called this session so you could brief me
what you've already tried.
Okay, sure thing.
Now, as I understand it,
in each test failure, the missile trajectory
followed approximately this line of flight.
That's close.
We can give you fractional variances
from launching to destroy order.
It looks to me as if the variance is immediate.
Well, yes, sir.
In the last two test flights,
we tried to compensate for that wobble, but, uh, no luck.
All right.
Let's give ourselves something to work from.
Let's call this the ideal trajectory.
CHIP: Did you say this was the brakes?
No, that's where Mike stepped with his track shoe.
What are these things that look like croquet wickets?
Those are the bulkheads.
You just fasten them to the floorboard
and that gives you the frame.
Where do you get them?
Well, you can build them.
Out of what? Hey, get off of there, will ya?
Jeez, darn dog always messing up things.
Hey! I don't need that panel.
Hey, thanks a lot, Tramp.
Well, I know Mr. Rankin said spare no expense,
but some of these prices
Like this beryllium compound.
Can't you use something else that wouldn't cost so much?
Sure, I can use something cheaper,
if you want to take a chance (phone rings)
On pouring a $2 million investment down the drain.
But $102,000? Excuse me.
Hello. This is Douglas.
Oh, you found him, huh? Put him on, will you?
Hello, Mr. Thompson, this is Douglas
over at Independent.
Yeah, see, we have that bid of yours
on that beryllium compound,
and we feel it's a little out of line.
Yeah. Sure, I know we're asking
for the impossible, but is that any reason
for you to make a fortune on us,
just 'cause we're in a bind?
Look, Mr. Thompson, I know about
what your costs are, and, uh, $90,000
will give you a pretty good profit, wouldn't it?
Okay.
Okay, Mr. Thompson, you have it here by Monday,
and we'll guarantee a reorder up to $150,000.
$150,000
MAN: 75 cents that's the best I can do.
75 cents for a couple of old, rusty barrel hoops?
75 cents for a quality barrel
in A1 condition.
Take it or leave it.
Sir, I could maybe pay 50 cents.
Seventy-five.
Mister, all I need are the hoops.
To get the hoops, you gotta buy the barrel.
55 cents?
Seventy. Sixty-five?
Sixty-five.
Thank you, sir.
Hey, are we going to have room for it there?
Well, the specifications say we have.
(both laugh)
I guess we better. We better have, huh?
Oh, hi.
How are things going?
Well, so far so good.
We're ahead of schedule.
We're about ready to install the new oscillator.
Hmm. Well, here's hoping it gives us
the accuracy we need.
I thought you were sold on it.
Oh, I want to be.
We just had word from a friend of ours
who saw Astrol Aircraft's new missile tested.
He says it was sensational.
They used an entirely new approach.
Oh?
Well, of course, that doesn't mean
it's any better than ours.
Just different.
Different from what?
From Andy's.
CHIP: Hey, Robbie! Oh.
You going to go down to the park and watch Andy?
Hey I'm busy.
He's testing his racer on the track.
So let him.
What's so different about mine?
Well, Andy's sort of goes like this,
and and his back end comes like this.
And, um of course
that doesn't mean his is better.
I like your racer and I like Andy's, too.
Well, I built mine the way I wanted to.
Besides, what can I do about it, now?
Are you telling me you want me to throw out
this design and try to duplicate
some steering mechanism you've only heard about?
Look, we've got some film on the test.
It might be a good idea for you to take a look at it.
Mr. Rankin, I've been working practically
three shifts a day trying to adapt
a mechanism I inherited.
Now, if you don't like what I'm doing
or you want to bring in another
man you go right ahead. Oh, come on.
We've got all the confidence in the world in you
and what you're doing. Oh, sure, sure.
Only you wish our missile were
more like the one Astrol Aircraft's built.
I'm sorry, Steve.
We're all under a lot of pressure.
Yeah. Come on, let's take a look at the film.
Well, if you really want to see Andy's test,
I could use a few laughs.
Honestly, Robbie, I don't really care.
Well, we might as well give him a chance
to show us how great he is.
Sure, and it might be fun
knowing what you're up against.
So long as we don't see something
that'll make us feel like throwing in the towel.
Okay, we're ready.
(engines rumbling)
Hey, look at him come!
It's almost like he had a motor in the car.
(engines rumbling)
Somebody must have given him a push.
(projector stops)
Oh
They're using something new.
And something effective.
This doesn't mean your system
won't be just as good.
Or better.
I hope you're right, Mr. Rankin.
Because with time running out,
we have no other choice.
We're stuck with it.
Well, you're calling the play, Steve.
Mr. Douglas, we're in trouble.
ANDY: What's the matter, Douglas?
You look worried?
Yours is a lot better, Robbie.
Bet this paint'll all peel off.
And this is only cardboard.
Hey, look!
He's only got junky, old wood bulkheads.
Well, that's the kind you're supposed to have.
Unh-uh, Robbie's are steel.
He made 'em out of barrel hoops.
The bulkheads have to be wood.
Says who?
Look, right there.
It says "make bulkheads of wood only."
If you got steel bulkheads,
they won't even let your heap on the track.
TRISH: Gee, Robbie, that's a shame.
Quinn's right.
The oscillator doesn't fit.
Who wants to be in that dumb ol' derby anyway?
Can't you fix it?
I went over and over these specifications.
I thought I covered every possible angle.
We can still make it, can't we?
I'd have to tear it all apart.
Do the whole thing over again.
You know the company's with you 100%.
We'll give you whatever you need.
What are you talking about?!
Nobody can help me. That's the whole deal.
You got to do it on your own. The rule book says so.
It's got to be so long and so wide and so high.
There can't be any springs or no fenders
or no glass, and about a million other clunky rules!
Only a dope like Andy would remember them all.
Maybe I could help.
Can you give me six months to do a decent job
of researching this project?
Can you give me some 48-hour days?
Or how about a new nervous system
or a good night's sleep or a
a meal I've got time to enjoy?
Or an evening at home with my kids?
No, Mr. Rankin.
Those blank checks you keep handing me
can't buy what I really need.
And I can't give you what you really need.
Why can't a guy build a car his own way?
I'm sorry.
♪♪
I, uh, thought I told you
to get yourself another engineer.
You did but I thought
feeding the one we have was more to the point.
Whatcha doing?
Watering the bushes This is a hose.
I just watered them.
Oh, I thought this was Robbie's job.
Well, he's sort of busy,
and I didn't have anything else to do,
so I watered them.
Oh, I see. (Grunts)
Think he'll get finished in time?
Well, he's still got three days.
Oh, uh hi, Mr. Douglas.
(clears throat)
Well, she all set?
Yeah.
Um Mr. Douglas, I, um
Well
Well no matter how she behaves tomorrow,
I just want you to know it's been a real pleasure.
Thanks, Quinn.
Um good night, sir.
Good night, Quinn.
♪♪
(gun firing)
(crowd cheering)
(cheering)
Come on!
ANNOUNCER (over P.A.): And the
winner in that heat: Robbie Douglas.
Attaboy, he did it!
He did it again.
That puts him in the semifinals.
I wish his dad could have been here to see it.
(machine whirring, beeping)
Maybe Astrol's new steering system
isn't as accurate as we thought.
MAN (over speaker): The missile's
point of impact was just inside
the eastern circumference of the target area.
Not bad.
We'll do better.
Attention, please.
Now preparing for firing the Independent Four.
Attention.
ANNOUNCER: Uh, attention, please.
The drivers in the next heat Robbie
Oh, Robbie, isn't it exciting?
You're gonna leave that clunky old Andy
about six miles behind. Robbie?
Hey, they're calling for you to load up the car
for the next race. Oh, okay.
Congratulations. Thanks a lot.
No, no, no, no, Tramp, you have to stay right here.
We don't want you on the track
chasing the cars and barking at people.
I'm sorry, but you'll have to stay here.
(barking)
Good luck, Andy.
Oh, and good luck, Robbie.
You can say one thing for her.
She doesn't play any favorites.
ANNOUNCER: Uh, drivers in their cars, please.
Excuse me, I Drivers in their cars.
See you down there in the winner's circle.
MAN (over speaker): Stand by, please.
Stand by for the countdown.
Here we go.
Yeah.
ANNOUNCER: They're they're ready now, I think.
All right ten seconds.
Nine seconds.
Eight seven six Five seconds.
Four seconds.
Three seconds.
Two one.
(firing)
(rhythmic beeping)
(engines rumbling)
(cheering)
(barking)
(crowd shouting and cheering) Come on, Andy!
(rhythmic beeping)
(engines rumbling)
Great! Stay ahead! Come on, Robbie!
(crowd shouting)
(rapid beeping)
(engine rumbling)
(crowd shouting and cheering) Come on, Andy!
(crowd shouting) Come on, Rob!
Come on, Robbie!
(rapid beeping)
(crowd shouting)
(rapid beeping)
(crowd shouting)
Come on, Robbie! Come on!
(crowd shouting)
Destroy the Independent Four.
Repeat: Destroy.
(crowd shouting)
(explosion)
Well, he made a darned good try.
(explosion fades)
Robbie, I heard about the Derby.
Bub told me on the phone.
I'm sorry.
(quietly): Yeah.
He told me about the missile failure, too.
Sorry.
Yeah, I guess we're, uh,
we're about the two sorriest fellas around, hmm?
Didn't I hear Dad's car come in?
Yeah. He and Robbie are out in the garage
feeling sorry for each other.
Well, you can't blame them.
I guess they both had a pretty rough day.
Yeah, but they'll feel better
when they dig into this Prune Fluff Cake
with O'Casey's Angel Hair Frosting.
You know, we just get such great results
working by working alone.
Just think what we could do if we worked together.
We ought to go into business.
Call it Failures Incorporated.
What they need is a good laugh.
Now, I heard a story (laughing)
The other day about two ostriches.
(laughing) Well, one (laughing)
We ought to have a slogan.
Yeah, yeah. (Chuckles)
How about, Why succeed when you can fail?
See Douglas and Douglas.
No job's too easy.
Yeah. Budget turns.
Well, Rob, let's go in, huh?
Hmm, can't even do that.
Why succeed when you can fail?
Congratulations. Thank you.
(clattering)
(sputtering)
Look out for the cans, Robbie! Look out!
Watch out, Dad!
Stay there! Not yet!
(lumber clattering on floor)
(chuckling)
(clattering)
Hey, you fellas hear the one about the two ostriches?
(Steve and Robbie laughing)
Hey, did you fellas hear the one
about the two ostriches that decided to?
What are you laughing at?
I haven't even told the story yet.
Now, wait a minute, Wait a minute, will you?
Anyhow, these two ostriches were
Now, doggone it, will you quit laughing
so I can cheer you up?
What's so funny about two ostriches?