Petticoat Junction (1963) s01e27 Episode Script

1
Come ride the little train ♪
That is rollin' down the tracks to the Junction ♪
Forget about your cares ♪
It is time to relax at the Junction ♪
Lots of curves, you bet ♪
And even more when you get ♪
To the Junction ♪
Petticoat Junction ♪
There's a little hotel called
the Shady Rest at the Junction ♪
Petticoat Junction ♪
It is run by Kate, come and
be her guest at the Junction ♪
Petticoat Junction ♪
And that's Uncle Joe, he's a-movin' kinda slow ♪
At the Junction ♪
Petticoat Junction! ♪
Please, Mr. Carson, be careful with the drum.
My dad doesn't even know we borrowed it.
Don't worry, Sally.
Now, you lovely little moneymakers
run upstairs and get changed.
Gee, Uncle Joe, I sure hope Mom goes for this.
You leave your mother to me.
Just be ready to make your entrance when I announce you.
Mr. Carson, how about my mother?
One at a time, Sally.
We'll cross your mother when we get to her.
Give me that mop, Kate.
Your scrubbing days are over.
Oh, thank goodness.
I thought you'd never get back.
Where you been all day?
Pixley.
Yeah, it didn't take you that long
to make the payment at the bank.
Well, the girls done some shopping.
Kate Hmm?
Your dish washing days are over.
Oh.
Well, thank you.
I was just What was that again?
I said your dish washing days are over.
No, uh, ba
Up ahead something about the girls shopping.
Uh, Kate, take off your apron and sit down.
How could the girls do any shopping?
You just had enough money to make the payment at the bank.
Sit down, Kate. Uncle Joe, you
did make the payment at the bank?
We're not gonna lose the hotel?
Lose the hotel?
Someday, you're gonna laugh at that question.
Right now, I'll settle for not crying.
Did you make the payment?
Hurry up, girls, we're ready.
Uncle Joe, look me in the eye.
Which one?
Uncle Joe, we're ready.
They're ready, Kate.
Ready for what?
Er, sit down.
I don't want to sit down. What are they ready for?
They're ready to show you what
happens when a man thinks big.
They're ready to show you
how we're all gonna become millionaires.
All right, girls, you can make your entrance.
Wait!
Wait till I sit down.
Introducing the new international singing sensation,
the Ladybugs!
I don't believe it!
Wait till you hear them sing, Kate.
Hit it, Ladybugs.
Oh, I'll be your ♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
I'll be your lady ♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
I'll be your ladybug ♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
I'll fly with you ♪
If only you ♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
If only you ♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
If only you ♪
Will be my beetle ♪
Oh, I'll be your ♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
I'll be your lady ♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
I'll be your ladybug ♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
I'll fly with you ♪
If only you ♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
If only you ♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
If only you ♪
Whoo! Will be my beetle. ♪
Hold it, hold it, hold it!
I'm gonna faint.
I know it, I'm gonna faint dead away.
See, girls?
I told you people would swoon.
I said "faint" not "swoon."
Uncle Joe, what have you done
with my four beautiful daughters?
Just a minute.
Four?
Who are you?
She's Ringo.
I'm Ringo.
You're all Ringo.
And you are the biggest Ringo of the bunch.
Kate, the Ladybugs is gonna sweep the country.
They're gonna sweep this hotel from attic to basement.
And they're gonna do it with these!
Sally Ragsdale.
Hi, Mrs. Bradley.
I want to thank you and your daughters and Uncle Joe
for letting me become a millionaire with you.
Is that where the bank payment money went,
for these crazy wigs and those bug shirts?
But, Mom, like Uncle Joe
says, you got to start thinking big!
I am thinking big.
I am thinking of the biggest thing I can lay my hands on
to break over his head.
Kate, we've been out of touch with the world.
Gee, Ma, being stuck out here in the country,
we don't know what's going on.
Especially on television.
When we got into Pixley this morning,
the whole town was talking about the Beatles.
The beetles?
They came over from England.
They're the biggest things in the country.
Well, don't just stand there,
take off those crazy wigs and help me get up the screens!
Mom Hold it, Mom.
Kate, the Beatles was brought over here by Ed Sullivan.
I saw them on his television show.
They're wonderful. They sing and play musical instruments.
Beetles?
I started their Pixley fan club.
They sent me a picture.
No wonder they call themselves the Beatles.
Those are four of the homeliest girls I ever saw.
Oh, Mom.
Uh, Mrs. Bradley, they're boys.
Holy smoke, don't they have barbers in England?
Mom, that's part of their charm.
Isn't Ringo a doll?
Oh, stop that!
Kate, the girls always do that when they see the Beatles.
They're the biggest things in show business.
Until the Ladybugs come along.
Kate, go get yourself all spruced up.
A big booking agent's coming
from over by Springfield to ogle the act.
To what?
That's showbiz talk.
He means he's coming to watch us perform.
It's an audition, and we're gonna sing.
Oh!
Well, help me clean up the kitchen,
and then change into some nice clothes
and start rehearsing some pretty songs.
Mom, these are the clothes we're gonna wear.
And you heard the song we're gonna sing.
That was a song? And these are clothes?
Do you think we'll get hired?
You're lucky if you don't get sprayed.
Mom, it's all the rage!
It's the new sound.
You mean instead of music?
Don't knock it, Kate.
It's gonna make us all rich.
Right, rich! Millionaires!
Oh, I get it.
Now I get it!
Stupid me, I should've known.
Oh, Ladybugs and Beatles.
You really had me going there for a while!
Aw, this is the funniest April fool joke you ever pulled.
But no wonder I bit.
You're a week early.
Well, joke's over.
Uncle Joe, put the bank receipt in the safe.
And, girls, you get your clothes changed;
we have a lot of work to do before supper.
And, Sally, you're invited to join us for supper, too.
Yeah, Uncle Joe,
this is an April fool gag, right?
Oh, girls, give us another sample of that Ladybug beat.
Oh, I'll be your ♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
I'll be your lady ♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
I'll be your ladybug ♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
I'll fly with you ♪
If only you ♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
Why, darned if I didn't almost fall for it again.
Uncle Joe, you got a wonderful sense of humor!
Oh! It's a great gag!
Oh, I'll be your ♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
I'll be your lady ♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
I'll be your ladybug ♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
I'll fly with you ♪
If only you ♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
If only you ♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
If only you ♪
Whoo! Will be my beetle. ♪
Boy, we sure bombed with your mother.
She thinks we're a gag.
Well, Sally, Mom isn't exactly what you'd call hip.
Yeah, her idea of a real swinging group is Guy Lombardo.
Well, Mom doesn't have much chance to sharpen up.
There's no television here,
she doesn't have any boyfriend
to take her to shows and things.
How's she supposed to get cool?
Well, we've got a TV set and my mom's still square.
When she saw those dreamy Beatles on Ed Sullivan,
she just sat there.
She didn't scream or yell or anything?
Oh, yeah, she screamed and yelled at me
to turn the volume down.
She couldn't wait for the Beatles to finish
so she could see Ed Sullivan again.
Wow.
To my mother, Ed Sullivan is Cary Grant.
I can't believe it.
You haven't seen my father.
How did he like the Beatles?
He thought they were a gag
till he saw all the girls squealing and swooning.
Hey, maybe that will convince Mom.
Well, I doubt if any girls would swoon at us.
But fellas might.
If we could get a bunch of good-looking fellas
to come here when we audition for that agent.
Yeah!
And that'd convince that agent, too.
What do you think, Sally?
I didn't hear anything after
"a bunch of good-looking fellas."
How we gonna get a bunch of fellas out here?
We can ride into town on the Cannonball.
Hey, are Charley and Floyd still here?
Yeah, they've loaded up with wood.
Now they're taking on water.
Well, let's hurry up and change.
Oh, wait a minute.
We can't all go into town and, uh, look for boys.
Somebody has to stay here and help Mom.
Who'd like to volunteer?
I will.
Oh, that's great, Billie. That's wonderful.
Glad to do it.
I'll be back by the time you finish the supper dishes.
Wait a minute. I meant who'd
volunteer to stay, not go into town.
Somebody better hurry up and go.
So long, girls. Don't work too hard.
Aren't you two ashamed?
You lazy bones still in that April fool getup.
Were you gonna let your sister do all the work?
Go easy on them, Mom, they're just kids.
Oh, thank you, sweetie.
You go on down.
Okay, Mom, I will.
So long, lazy bones.
Why can't you two have that kind of get up and go?
'Cause she got up and went first.
Don't you be flip, young lady.
Bug.
Oh, come on, you two.
Now, get changed and down to the kitchen,
both of you scoot!
I hope those two haven't been
a bad influence on you, Sally.
No, no, not at all, Mrs. Bradley.
Billie Jo has her faults.
Goodness knows she's boy crazy.
But there is a girl who's going someplace.
Yep, there she goes.
What you looking at, dear?
The Cannon-Billie.
Um, the Cannonball.
Well, I better change these clothes.
I know how they bug you.
Well, Mr. Sullivan, you've seen the Ladybugs.
What am I offered?
$10,000, huh?
I'll take it.
Now, uh, how much for the Ladybugs?
Uncle Joe
would you please tell me what's going on around here.
I just found every single light turned on upstairs.
It
Why you wearing this crazy getup?
You got a sore throat?
No, Kate.
These are showbiz clothes.
You didn't turn them lights out up there, did you?
Well, of course I turned them out.
There wasn't a single soul in any of those rooms.
Well, I had them on so that big agent
could find his way here from the county road.
It's dark out.
I think that this gag has gone far enough.
Work's all finished, Mom.
Hurry upstairs and change into your Ladybug outfits.
And turn them lights back on up there.
Don't you dare.
And where's Billie Jo?
Well, if you ask me, she's with a boy.
You ask me, she's with a bunch of boys.
If you ask me, I hope it's a big bunch.
Uncle Joe, what are they talking about?
Don't try to understand this younger generation, Kate.
We've gone off and left you.
We? Yeah.
I've kept up with the kids.
I'm what they call cold.
That's "cool."
And you're what they call "nuts."
What are you doing now?
I'm getting ready
for a very important phone call.
That phone isn't connected.
It never has been connected.
What in the world
Kate, don't try to understand.
Oh, that's the last thing I'd try to do.
Now what?
Gotta go signal that booking agent.
He's stumbling around somewhere out there
in the woods looking for the Ladybugs.
I'm
Say, uh, is this the Shady Rest Hotel?
Yeah, you Partridge, the booking agent?
Colonel Partridge of Springfield.
Joe Carson, Hollywood, Chicago, New York.
Say, uh, what in blue blazes are you doing
out here in the middle of nowhere?
Hiding from them crazy teenage Ladybug fans.
Why, if they found this place, they'd mob us.
I know what you mean.
You know, I was at the airport
when those Beatles landed,
and I want to tell you, I was knocked down
and purty near saddle-shoed to death.
I tell you, I'd sure like
to get ten percent of that Beatle action.
Don't worry, Colonel, my Ladybugs
are gonna make them Beatles look like chiggers.
Four of the most beautiful,
talented girls you ever saw.
Well, trot them on out.
I'm a busy man I ain't got all night.
Say, uh, is she one of them?
Oh, no, she runs the place.
I pay her to hide them.
Oh, Uncle Joe, I want
See that I'm not disturbed.
It's too late.
You're about as disturbed as they come.
Who's he?
Colonel Partridge, ma'am.
I come all the way from Springfield
to see the sensational new singing act
Mr. Carson here told me about: The Ladybugs.
Oh, no.
It's all right, Mrs. Bradley.
I've cleared him, he's okay.
Yes, ma'am, I am the biggest
booking agent in these parts.
And he's the biggest liar.
Hey, uh, what's going on here?
Just the necessary security measures.
Good work, Mrs. Bradley, don't trust anybody.
Mrs. Bradley? Not anybody.
Why, he could've been Ed Sullivan in disguise.
Please, Kate.
There's the Cannonball Billie's back.
What do you mean, Billie's back?
Where has she been? Uh, never mind, Kate.
Just give me ten minutes to make you rich.
That's all I'm asking, just ten minutes.
All right, then minutes.
And then I'm throwing a net over you.
That's my New York phone call.
That's our ring: One long.
Yes? Hello.
Ed Sullivan?
Why, you old bird dog, how'd you find me?
Now, wait a minute.
You said I was gonna handle the Ladybugs.
No direct booking, you said.
Okay, okay.
Uh, hello, Ed.
Uh, Colonel Partridge is here,
and he's signing the Ladybugs tonight.
Yeah, he'll call you the first thing in the morning.
Wait a minute, why wait?
I'll talk to him now.
Ed is an old friend of mine.
Hello, Eddie, listen!
Hey, this is the Colonel, buddy.
He-hello?
He-hello there.
You there, boy?
Eddie, talk to me! Huh?
Hello?
Hello, Ed! He-hello there!
You and Ed are good friends, huh?
Why'd he hang up on you?
Maybe he didn't hang up.
Maybe that wasn't Ed Sullivan at all.
Maybe you, uh, lying to the Colonel, huh?
Now, wait a minute, nobody talks
to Joe Carson that way.
Oh, they don't, huh?
You purty near ruined my cigar.
Now, you listen to me, chubby man.
I come a long way down here
to this broken-down hotel,
and I'm gonna give you to the count of three
to bring on those Ladybugs,
and they better be good
or your head is gonna look just like that cigar.
One BOYS: We want the Ladybugs!
We want the Ladybugs!
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Wait, wait!
Wait! I'll get them, I'll get them.
I'll get them now, control yourselves!
Doggone it, the teenagers found us.
Yeah!
We want the Ladybugs!
We want the Ladybugs! We want the Ladybugs!
One, two, three, four!
Well, he was just 17 ♪
You know what I mean ♪
And the way he looked was way beyond compare ♪
So how could I dance with another ♪
Whoo! ♪
When I saw him standing there ♪
Well, he looked at me ♪
And I, I could see ♪
That before too long I'd fall in love with him ♪
He wouldn't dance with another ♪
Whoo! ♪
When I saw him standing there ♪
Well, my heart went boom ♪
Ow! When I crossed that room ♪
And I held his hand ♪
In mine ♪
Well, we danced through the night ♪
And we held each other tight ♪
And before too long ♪
I fell in love with him ♪
Now I'll never dance with another ♪
Whoo! ♪
When I saw him standing there ♪
Look at them, Kate.
It's driving them kids crazy.
I don't think I can stand much more, either.
Well, my heart went boom ♪
When I crossed that room ♪
And I held his hand ♪
In mine ♪
Well, we danced through the night ♪
And we held each other tight ♪
And before too long ♪
I fell in love with him ♪
Now I'll never dance with another ♪
Whoo! ♪
When I saw him standing there ♪
Ah-ha-ha!
Oh, since I saw him standing there ♪
Well, since I saw him standing there. ♪
Oh, Henderson, stop acting like an idiot.
Mrs. Bradley, I don't think he's acting.
Oh, well, take him out in the fresh air.
I'll go get some water.
Well, Colonel, what'd you think of the Ladybugs?
Why, that's the worst music I ever heard.
What do you mean?
Oh, they're out of tune, the harmony is all wrong.
They're too loud.
That monotonous beat's
gonna drive the people stark-staring crazy.
You mean you ain't gonna book them?
Of course I'm gonna book them.
They're gonna make us a fortune.
We'll take them to Springfield tonight.
That's my booking headquarters. Oh, Colonel, I'm so sorry
that Uncle Joe dragged you all the way out here
to listen to that terrible racket.
Kate. And I apologize for the girls, too,
and their little friend. Kate.
And I just hope you're not too angry.
Kate, he's going to take the Ladybugs
back to Springfield to headquarters and book them.
What?!
Now, see here, what the girls did
might have been bad music,
but it's nothing to get arrested for.
No, no, little lady, you've got it all wrong.
I'm gonna book them in theaters and on the TV.
Personal appearances all over the country.
And then, we're gonna start robbing
uh, rocking the rest of the world.
Is he serious?
You can start counting your money, Kate.
I'll go tell the girls.
Mr. Partridge Uh, Colonel, ma'am.
Colonel I-I-I just don't think my girls
should be going all around the world.
They're not ready for that sort of thing.
Well, now, little lady,
as their manager, I think they are.
As their mother, I don't.
Mother?
Uh, begging your pardon, ma'am, but I
I find that kind of hard to believe.
What do you mean?
Well, now, you look like hardly
more than a teenager yourself. Oh
And you're very pretty, too.
You should be in the movies.
You know something, Colonel?
What's that, little lady?
You're nuttier than Uncle Joe.
Here, drink this and sniff this,
and maybe it'll bring you around.
Colonel, Colonel, I'm afraid there's
going to be a little delay
before I can deliver the Ladybugs.
What do you mean?
Well, Sally's father is out there.
He doesn't want her to be a Ladybug.
He wants her to finish high school.
Yeah, how square can you get?
Ah, you leave your papa to me, little lady.
I'll set him straight.
Uh, Mr. Ragsdale?
That's, uh, Sheriff Ragsdale.
What's on your mind?
Uh, well, I was I was just saying that, uh,
that you're absolutely right about your daughter.
Her education comes first.
Fine.
You run upstairs, Sally, and put on some decent clothes.
That's right, child, you listen to your papa.
Run along.
That's a nice little girl you got there, Sheriff,
a mighty smart girl.
Where's Kate?
Uh, she went thataway.
Well, there goes a bundle of money.
Not yet, Colonel.
I promised you the Ladybugs.
When Joe Carson makes a promise, he delivers.
Oh, I'll be your Yeah, yeah ♪
I'll be your lady Yeah, yeah ♪
I'll be your ladybug Yeah, yeah ♪
I'll fly with you ♪
Ow, if only you ♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
If only you Yeah, yeah ♪
If only you will be my beetle ♪
Oh, I'll be your Yeah, yeah ♪
I'll be your lady Yeah, yeah ♪
I'll be your ladybug Yeah, yeah ♪
I'll fly with you ♪
Ow!
If only you Yeah, yeah ♪
If only you ♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
If only you ♪
Ow, will be my beetle. ♪
Petticoat Junction. ♪
This has been a Filmways Presentation.