The Andy Griffith Show (1960) s01e27 Episode Script

( whistling sprightly tune)
Starring Andy Griffith.
With Ronny Howard.
Also starring Don Knotts.
I'll be with you
in a minute, Miss.
Uh, that'll be 25.
( cash register rings)
Now, can I help you, Miss?
Oh, um, I was just lookin'.
Oh, sure.
I was lookin' at
that nail polish.
Oh, this Frosted
Cherry-Berry Bon-Bon?
That's-that's a pretty color.
Try some.
Oh, no, I-I don't
Oh, just here, just
try a sample on a finger
and see how you like it.
Oh, that's pretty.
Here's something
I bet you'd like.
It's called Midnight Madness.
Here, try some.
You like it?
Oh, that's pretty.
Mornin', Ellie!
Oh, hi, Andy.
Well, Frankie Flint!
I ain't seened you
around town in a long time.
How's your paw?
Fine.
Good.
Ellie, you better check
your gas jets in the back.
I believe you got a leak.
Andy, it isn't
gas, it's perfume.
Oh, perfume.
It's called Midnight
Madness Here, try some.
What'd you do that for?
Now, that stuff sticks to ye.
Just like a man.
Doesn't appreciate
the finer things.
Well, I appreciate,
but I'm a sheriff,
and a sheriff's supposed
to smell like a sheriff,
not a gardenia blossom.
You goin' to buy
some of this stuff
are you, Frankie?
Hmm? Oh, no, I
I-I was just lookin'.
I don't think Paw'd
want me to have it.
Well, I I-I better be goin'.
Paw is goin' to be waitin'.
Oh, I-I nearly forgot
what I come in for.
Paw wanted me to get
him some chewin' tobacco.
Oh, sure.
I wished you hadn't'a
done that, Ellie.
I'm goin' to have to stand
downwind of everybody.
Nonsense, it makes
you irresistible.
Here you are, Miss.
20 cents, uh-huh.
( cash register rings)
ELLIE: Is there
anything else you'd like?
Oh, no thanks,
I I better be goin'.
Bye.
Bye, Sheriff.
ANDY: See you, Frankie.
You gonna wait on me?
I just might be a
customer, you know.
Andy?
Huh?
That girl I feel
so sorry for her.
Frankie?
You know what I'd like to do?
What?
I'd like to get together
a few of those things
and just give them
to her to have.
It's obvious she
can't afford them,
and it'd make her so happy.
Whoa, now, just ease
back on them horses, there.
Well, what's the matter?
Well, I just don't think
I'd do that if I was you.
Why not?
Well, you heard her say
her paw don't want
her to have them things.
Well, why not?
I don't know. He just
don't want her to have 'em.
He don't have to tell us why.
But Well, now, Ellie,
you ain't been
livin' here very long.
And we just don't go a-messin'
around in other folks's stew
unless we're asked.
But you saw how she looked
Like a child in a toy shop.
All I want to do is
give her a little present.
Now, Ellie, Flint
is set in his ways,
and he don't want
her to have 'em.
But
( door opens)
Hi, Paw. Hi, Miss Ellie.
Hi, honey.
Paw? Mm-hmm.
Can I have a nickel
for a candy bar?
Mm, I reckon so.
( sniffing)
What's the matter?
Is that you, Paw?
Yeah it's me.
You sure do smell pretty.
Thanks.
Nice and sweet. I know.
Like a gardenia blossom.
Opie!
That's how Aunt Bee smells
when she comes back
from the beauty parlor.
You been to the
beauty parlor, Paw?
No, I've not been
the beauty parlor.
Miss Ellie was showin'
me some perfume
and accidentally
spilled some on me.
Now does that clear
things up for you?
Yeah, Paw.
Good.
You sure do smell
pretty, though.
Opie, there's your nickel.
Now, go get that candy bar.
Okay, Paw.
Go on! Bye.
Bye-bye. Bye.
( sniffing)
Opie's right You
do smell kind of pretty.
That tickles you, don't it?
Just tickles you.
You ought to be
ashamed of yourself,
squirtin' that stuff on me.
I'm sorry. Now, Frankie
would appreciate it a lot more,
which gets me back to
what I was talking about.
Now, what's wrong
with giving her
just some perfume and
nail polish and lipstick?
I'm trying to tell
you it's messin' in.
Oh, now, you're a mean thing.
I'm not mean. I just happen to
know the people around here
a little better'n you do,
and I'm tellin'
you not to do it.
Oh, poof.
Ellie, quit! No, no, come on.
Don't squirt that stuff on me.
Howdy, Barney.
How is everything?
Oh, hi, Andy.
Well, a new batch of
wanteds just come in.
Otherwise, it's been
quiet all morning.
I haven't made a single
( sniffs)
Say, Andy, uh, is that you?
Yeah, it's me.
Well, well, what
you got on there?
Or would you rather
not talk about it?
Oh, I'll talk about it.
I was over at the drugstore,
and Ellie squirted perfume on me
and thought it was a big joke.
( laughing): What's
the stuff called?
What?
The perfume,
what's the name of it?
Midnight Madness.
Midnight Madness?!
Well, you do
smell kind of crazy.
All right, now, Barney.
Well, Midnight
Madness, zazoo zaz.
All right, now, Barney,
I told you what happened,
and it's not funny.
Well, who says it's funny?
I think it's nice.
You smell good enough
to take to a picture show.
Now, Barney, just quit.
What's the matter
Can't you take a joke?
Well, yeah, I can take a joke.
Yeah, you can kid me,
but you can't take
it yourself, can you?
Well, yes, I can.
Shoe's on the other
foot now, isn't it?
All right, now,
Barney, all right.
Midnight Madness, la-de-da.
All right, Barney, all right.
Well, hi, troublemaker.
Andy, promise you
won't get angry?
What'd you do?
Andy, I've gotten
together a few things
to take up to Frankie Flint.
Now, Ellie
Oh, please, Andy.
It'll make her so happy.
Just some perfume
and lipstick and powder.
Now, Ellie, I told you before
Please, Andy
Well
Thank you, Andy.
Maybe Barney could
just stop by and leave it.
If it means that much to you.
It does.
Barney.
Oh, hi, Ellie. Hi, Barney.
Barney, I want you
to do a little job for me.
Anything for you,
gardenia blossom.
Oh, you noticed.
All right, now both
of you just quit.
Barney, I want you
to take this package
up to the Flint place,
and give it to Frankie Flint,
and tell her it's from
Ellie at the drugstore.
Yeah. Sure, Sheriff.
You can count on me.
I'll get it through.
Package from the drugstore, huh?
Is it a matter of life or death?
Oh, it-it's not medicine,
Barney, it's just makeup.
You know, some of
that female war paint?
Female?
It's not medicine?
No.
Female war paint?
That's right.
Andy, don't you think
it'd be lowering the dignity
of the sheriff's office
to have the deputy
deliverin' female doodads
all over the place?
Well, it's just
a little package.
Just a little package?
But of what?
What if I had an accident?
What if I was laying out
there on the road someplace,
and a state patrolman comes by,
and he finds this little
package, and he opens it?
What does he find?
"Well, now," he says to hisself,
"this here ain't no deputy,
it's a deputyess."
Oh, Barney, that's silly.
Wait. Wait a minute, Andy.
I-I think Barney's right.
I-I think it really
wouldn't look right
for a deputy sheriff to
be used as a delivery boy.
Oh, well, it's just a
He shouldn't have to do that?
There, you see.
It-it would be undignified
for a a deputy
to be, have to deliver a
package to the Flint place.
But it wouldn't be undignified
for the sheriff to drive
a citizen up there.
Now, Ellie Let's
go do it, please?
Now, Ellie, I told, uh
Please?
( sighs)
Don't just stand there,
give me the car keys.
ELLIE: Hello.
FRANKIE: Hello. Howdy, Sheriff.
Howdy, Frankie.
Ellie brought you
some things from the drugstore.
Me? What is it?
Well, Frankie, we were thinking
of putting in some new items
in the drugstore, and
we wanted to find out
how our women
customers feel about them.
For instance, this nail polish
and lipstick and hand lotion.
You mean, you want
me to have these things?
Yes, and tell us
how you like them.
Oh. Oh, I I'll-I'll try
not to use too much.
Oh, you don't have to give
them back, they're yours.
To keep? For myself?
Yes.
Frankie, how come?
Thought I didn't hear no sawin'.
How do, ma'am?
ELLIE: Hello.
ANDY: Howdy, Flint.
Somethin' I can
do for you, Sheriff?
Well, I-I just drove
Miss Walker up here.
She brought some things
for Frankie from the drugstore.
She did?
ELLIE: Yes. There's
some hand lotion
Some what? Hand lotion.
ANDY: It makes the
hands soft and smooth.
ELLIE: And some nail
polish and some perfume.
That perfume is
Midnight Madness.
It's good.
I was just telling your daughter
that she's welcome to
have these things because
Thank you kindly, ma'am,
but Frankie ain't got
no use for them things.
Well, why not?
FLINT: She just ain't, is all.
But
Thank you, ma'am,
but we got lots of
chores that need doin'.
Frankie, you better get to work
on sawin' that wood again.
But Paw, they
You heard me.
Uh, Ellie, we better
be gettin' on back.
Oh, wait, wait.
Mr. Flint, I think Frankie
would like to have these.
But Ellie,
Flint here, he don't want
her to have them, so
Mr. Flint, Mr. Flint
I said good day to you, ma'am.
But You're
trespassin' on my land.
This morning Sheriff?
Let's go, Ellie.
Mr. Flint, you're
not being fair.
That's not for you
to judge, ma'am.
Ellie, we'd better get on back.
See you, Flint.
That's not fair, Andy.
Yes, Ellie. He's her father.
It's wrong. I know that.
How's Frankie ever gonna
meet a nice young fellow
Well, Ellie
and-and get married
and raise a family?
How? Well, Ellie
Well, now, Flint
is still her daddy,
and she's still got
to do what he says.
Oh, he's just being
mean and stubborn.
Now why wouldn't he
let her have these things?
Oh, I don't know.
Proud, I reckon.
Oh, proud. He saw how
anxious she was to have them.
What happened, old man
Flint throw you off his land?
Isn't that awful, Barney?
He wouldn't let her have them.
Well, Ellie, you tried.
Now, I don't know
what else you can do.
Oh Andy, this is
the 20th century.
He may be her father,
but he's not her master.
Well, that's so, I guess, but
I know how I'd handle a
mean old coot like that.
You do?
Yes, I do.
Oh, what would you do?
Well, I'd go up to his place,
and I'd say, "Flint,
you got a daughter?
"Well, maybe this ain't
none of my business
"but I think it'd be nice
if that daughter of yours
had some of them
female decorations."
Oh, you would say that?
Yes, I would.
You say that and
Flint'd probably
knock a knot on your head.
I don't think he would.
Well, he just might.
Well, if he did get
smart-nosed with me
you know what I'd do?
What?
I'd say, "Flint, I'm taking that
daughter of yours into town
"so she can get
herself prettied up,
"and what are you
gonna do about it?
"That girl's got rights
"and I'm here to see that
them rights is protected.
I'm taking her with me."
Barney, would you?
Huh?
Go up and get her
and bring her back?
It's the only way
it'll finally happen.
Oh, please, Barney.
Well, uh
Well, go ahead, tiger.
Oh, you think I can't?
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Just try to control your temper.
Give me them keys.
Oh, thank you, Barney.
I'll be waiting for you at
my house, and good luck.
Uh, hey, Barney.
Take it easy, now.
Oh, Flint!
Uh, Mr. Flint.
Uh, uh, Mr. Flint, sir?
Yeah?
Uh, do-do you have a daughter?
Yeah.
Well, uh, now maybe
this ain't none of my business,
but, uh, I-I
thought it'd be nice
if-if that daughter of yours
had some of them
female decorations.
You know, uh, things the
girls paint themselves with.
Now, me, I ain't got
much use for them myself.
I-I guess neither
have you. ( chuckles)
But, well, girls like 'em,
and I-I thought maybe
you wouldn't mind
if she had a few things
to pretty herself up
with, the way girls do.
Of course, now, like I said,
it ain't none of my business.
That's right, it ain't. Huh?
It ain't none of your business,
or that drugstore lady's either.
Now, I'm telling you
just like I told her
My daughter ain't got
no use for them things.
Now, is that clear?
Oh, yes, sir,
that's clear all right.
Golly, uh, couldn't get
any clearer than that.
I mean, a man would
have to be a dumbbell
not to see how clear that was.
All right, then,
good day to you.
Well, Mr. Flint, uh, sir
I got no more to say about it.
Now, get off of my land.
Doggone it, I promised Ellie.
And I will.
( chickens clucking)
( spitting)
( chickens clucking,
ducks quacking)
( chickens clucking softly)
( loud clattering)
FLINT: All right, you
settle down in there.
What's all the fuss
about in here, anyway?
( sighs)
FLINT: Frankie?
FRANKIE: Yes, Paw?
FLINT: Better get
on them chores.
( pigs squealing)
( squealing)
Psst, Frankie.
Frankie Flint, I'm
taking you into custody.
What?
Come on. I'll explain
it to you in the car.
Get out of there. Get.
( squeals)
W-Well, how-how'd
you do it though?
Well, what do you
mean, how'd I do it?
Just like I said I would.
I walked up to
Flint, and I said,
I said, "Flint, have
you got a daughter?
"Now maybe this ain't
none of my business,
"but then again, maybe it is.
"Now I think that daughter
of yours would like to try
"to look a little
bit more like a girl.
Now, what's it going to be?"
And-and that's
all there was to it?
Well, she's over
at Ellie's, ain't she?
Well, did-did Flint
say it was all right
for-for you to bring
Frankie into town?
Huh?
Does Flint know
that Frankie's over
to Ellie's house?
Well, I'll tell you how
I figure that, Andy
What he don't
know won't hurt him.
Andy? Barney?
Are you ready for the unveiling?
All right, Frankie
Excuse me Frances.
ANDY: Mmm-mm, Frankie,
you are some kind of pretty.
I can't hardly look at her.
I-I looked at
myself in the mirror,
and I just couldn't
believe it was me.
If your paw saw
you looking that,
he'd want to see you
like that all the time.
That's a wonderful
suggestion, Andy.
That's just what we'll do.
No, Ellie. Oh, Miss Ellie,
I don't think I'd better
Oh, let's show him
what he's never seen.
He'll be thrilled.
You don't know my paw. No
Oh, now, you don't
want to quit now, Andy.
Come on, ol' Barney
went and got her,
now you bring her back.
No, Ellie, you-you
heard what Flint
Well, I didn't want well
( sighs)
Well, don't just stand there,
give me the car keys.
Come on.
Hey, Flint, wait a minute!
Howdy, Flint.
Back again, Sheriff?
I told you and your lady
friend here this morning
to kindly stay away.
Now I see you brought
somebody else with you.
Well, now, Flint, it ain't
just somebody else.
Huh?
It's me, Paw Frankie.
What in the
ANDY: Well, Flint,
what do you think
of your daughter now?
Well, I.. I think
she's right pretty.
I think it's best you
get out them things
and get back to work.
But Mr. Flint, she
loves these things.
Why can't she have them?
Because she's a farm girl,
and farm girls ain't
got time for them things.
Well, now, Flint, I
can't go along with that.
Other farm girls has got them.
That's because other
farmers have got sons.
Like Jenkins there.
He's got natural,
built-in farmhands.
This place here is all
we've got, Frankie and me.
And all we've got to work
it with is our four hands.
I'd like to say thank you,
ma'am, I'm mighty grateful,
but I can't.
So I-I got to say get
out of them things, Frankie.
But Paw
Mr. Flint
Uh, hold on a minute, Ellie.
I don't think you're being fair
to Flint here.
Andy!
Well, I don't.
Now-now, Flint, he's a farmer
Businessman, in a
manner of speaking,
and he's got hisself one
asset namely Frankie.
Huh?
That's right, but now, Flint,
I ain't no efficiency expert,
but I just got me a feeling
that you ain't using
Frankie efficient-like.
I ain't? No.
Why not?
Well, now, if we can just try us
a little experiment here,
I-I believe you can
see what I mean.
Come on, Frankie.
We'll be back in a minute.
Frankie's a pretty good
hand to work, is she, Flint?
For a girl, yeah.
For a female, but not
as good as male, huh?
Of course not.
So then, on the debit side,
Frankie is just a fair farmhand.
But it appears
on the credit side
that Frances is quite a girl.
Now-now, you-you
take a fine strong buck
meeting up with
the "quite a girl,"
why that's just a
hop, skip and a jump
from a fine, young son-in-law.
Now a fine, young son-in-law,
that's just another
way of saying
a fine, strong farmhand.
Now Flint, as a businessman,
I-I want to ask you,
what do you think is
the most efficient way
of using your daughter?
As Frankie, the fair farmhand,
or as Frances,
the "quite a girl"?
Well, Ellie, looks
like Miss Frances
is going to be a-needing
some more lipstick
and rouge and lotion,
and all that good stuff
that draws the flies.
Maybe one of these
shades would be nice.
That one? Mm. I like this one.
Mm-hmm. Maybe that one.
Well, howdy, girls.
Oh, hi, Andy. Hi, Andy.
Oh, Frankie, I see you really
are taking to this new life.
Ooh, making up for lost time.
Andy, which of these
do you like for a powder
Tempting Touch, Shimmering
Rose, or Twilight Blush?
Well, I'd say for my
complexion, Twilight Blush.
Oh, it's for Frankie.
Oh, well, now.
Hi, gang. Oh, hi, Barney.
Oh, now, here is the man
that helped make
all this possible.
Oh, come on. You did.
You went up there
and got Frankie
and started the whole thing.
That's right, Barney.
Oh, well, it's all in a
day's work for a lawman.
Well, I think for that action,
that was above and
beyond the call of duty,
that Barney ought
to be decorated.
Yes, sir, with a squirt
of Midnight Madness.
Oh, come on, Andy! Stop it!
Now I have to go home
and take a shower.
Always clownin', kiddin' around.
Why don't you grow
up, for heaven's sakes.