Leave It to Beaver (1957) s01e28 Episode Script

1
("Leave it to Beaver" theme music)
[Announcer] Leave It To Beaver.
Starring Barbara Billingsley, Hugh Beaumont, Tony Dow
and Jerry Mathers as The Beaver.
Hey, what's that?
A book.
What's it about?
Fightin' and stuff.
Hey, Beav, you not gonna give the guys another one
of those crazy stories, are ya?
They listened about the Indians, didn't they?
I'm gonna tell 'em about the war of 1812.
Well, just don't have it happen in our front yard.
(audience laughing)
Oh, no, I'm gonna let it happen in South America.
(audience laughing)
[Wally] So long, Mom.
- So long, Mom.
- Bye.
(sighing)
Oh, I hear the boys got off for school all right,
what was the commotion this morning?
Beaver tried to hide his tomato in hall platter.
We finally got it back in his lunchbox again.
(audience laughing)
Wally wear his jacket?
We compromised.
He carried it.
Oh well, that's progress.
(audience laughing)
Ward?
What was that huge book The Beaver had?
He said you gave it to him.
Oh, it was the history of the Indian wars.
Bit too advanced for him.
Well, he told me he wasn't going to read the reading,
he's just going to read the pictures.
(audience laughing)
I'm sure he's not studying that in school.
Well, you know, actually there's a lot of reasons,
why he might carry a book like that to school.
I remember when I was in the second grade,
I carried my fathers unabridged dictionary back
and forth to school for a whole week.
What in the world for?
Well, I wanted to strengthen my right arm,
I was going out for pitcher.
(audience laughing)
And did it help?
No, by the time tryouts came,
my arm was so tired, I couldn't lift it.
(audience laughing)
- You know,
maybe Beaver's getting interested in history or something.
I wish he'd get interested in anything,
besides Wally and those older boys.
You know those big boys, they're awfully rough on him,
they're always pushing him and shoving him around.
Oh, he doesn't mind the pushing and shoving, Joan.
He's happy at his age, if they paid
that much attention to him.
They were down in South America, see.
And my Uncle dove down at 65-feet of water
with two other skin divers.
- Geez!
- Geez!
Right where the map said.
They found this big old Spanish treasure ship.
And there was these gold pieces laying
all over the bottom of the ocean.
They call them doubloons.
Tooey, will you keep outta my story.
(audience laughing) Anyway,
there were these doubloons all
over the bottom of the ocean.
Two of the divers got bit by sharks.
See, they swam in this cavern and
Did your uncle get bit by sharks?
Heck, no.
He knows how to stare 'em down.
(audience laughing)
(laughing)
Anyway, they got over $100 thousand worth of treasure.
- Wow.
- 100 thousand!
Boy, I'd like to find a treasure ship.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, me too.
This is almost as good
as the time the horse dropped dead,
in front of your house, Eddie.
Oh, I told you guys about that, huh?
Yeah, only thing neat happens to you.
(audience laughing)
You guys hear about the Indian fight?
Indian fight?
What are you talkin' about, you little squirt?
Well, the one that happened around our house.
(audience laughing)
Are you kiddin'?
There hasn't been any Indians around here,
in a couple of hundred years.
Well, that's when it happened.
(audience laughing)
A couple hundred years ago.
Hey, Wally?
How come you never mentioned no Indian fight?
I guess I never heard about it before.
It happened right in front of our house.
(audience laughing)
Yeah, Beaver, you're making this up.
You got no proof.
Sure I have.
What kind of proof?
Well, ur, ur.
I found real arrowheads, right across the street,
in the vacant lot.
(audience laughing)
- No foolin'?
Ah, he's makin' this all up.
I am not.
I bet you any amount of money, you're making it up.
I bet you a million dollars.
You don't have a million dollars.
Oh, right.
I bet you a dollar and 50 cents.
(audience laughing)
Suppose you loose?
Who's gonna pay?
Wally's got money, he'll pay.
Won't you, Wally. (Audience laughing)
Yeah, I guess so.
(school bell ringing)
Come on, guys, let's go.
You guys ever hear a funnier story?
Hey, Beav, what you have to go
and make up a crazy story like that for?
The guys always listen to Eddie
and the neat story he tells.
I thought, if I told one, they'd listen to me too.
(audience laughing)
Yeah, but you had to go and make a bet,
with my money and everything.
All Eddie's stories happen in South America
or someplace where you can't prove 'em.
You had to go and have the Indians fighting,
right across from our house.
(audience laughing)
Hi, Dad.
Oh, hi, Beav.
(chuckling)
Here, let me help you.
You like that book about Indians?
Yeah, I got a lot of good junk outta it.
Here's another one, with some good pictures in it.
This is all about the war of 1812.
Is this the one, where you were a CB, Dad?
(audience laughing)
Well, no, that was a little later on.
Thanks anyways.
(chuckling)
This looks like a real war,
with ship fights and everything.
Huh-huh.
Did it happen in South America?
Well, no.
That's okay, I'll take it anyways.
(audience laughing)
Beaver?
I thought you were upstairs taking a bath?
I wanna wait till Wally takes his
and use his water.
(audience laughing)
You'll do no such thing.
Yes, Mom.
Thanks again for the book, Dad.
All right.
(adventurous music)
(comical music) (audience laughing)
Hey, what's that?
A book.
What's it about?
Fightin' and stuff.
Hey, Beav, you're not gonna give the guys another one
of those crazy stories are ya?
They listened about the Indians, didn't they?
I'm gonna tell 'em about the war of 1812.
Well, just don't have it happen in our front yard.
(audience laughing)
Oh no, I'm gonna let it happen in South America.
(audience laughing)
Boy, if Eddie asks you to prove that Indian story,
I'm gonna be out a whole dollar and a half.
He won't, he probably forget about it by tomorrow.
Oh, Wally, you're wanted on the phone.
Oh, thanks, Dad.
You can take it out in the hall.
Well, Beav.
How you coming with the war of 1812?
It was a real neat war, Dad.
Look here in the warship.
There's a man stuffing a mop in a cannon.
(audience laughing)
Now, that's Old Ironsides, Beav.
Now look over here,
you see this other ship's had all the masts shot off of it.
Oh.
I thought that flat one was an aircraft carrier.
(audience laughing)
You know, Beav, you might try reading some of this.
(audience laughing)
Well, it couldn't hurt ya.
Goodnight, Son.
Oh, excuse me.
Oh, that's okay, Dad.
(audience laughing)
(comical music)
Boy, are you in trouble.
What's has I done?
Well, you had to go and bet Eddie and the guys,
about Indians fighting across the street.
You find an Indian arrowhead, bullets and stuff.
You know what they're gonna do tomorrow?
What?
Well, they're comin' over here with rigs and shovels
and stuff and start digging across the street.
I never thought this would happen.
You should've thought of that in the first place.
(audience laughing)
What's so interesting out there?
Wally and The Beaver,
they're burying something,
on that vacant lot across the street.
(audience laughing)
(mischievous music)
Oh, well, maybe something died
and they're giving it a funeral.
I don't think so.
All the turtles and goldfish are present and accounted for.
(audience laughing)
Well, somethings up.
Here comes Eddie and Chester and Tooey.
(comical music)
(audience laughing)
Oh, I wish I knew what they were burying.
They went outta here so secretive.
Well, I'll get you bacon and eggs.
- Hi, Wally.
- Hi, Beav.
- Oh, hi, guys.
- Hi, guys.
What you guys doin'?
Digging before we got here?
(audience laughing)
No, we're just messing around.
Hey, what's the box for?
Um. (Audience laughing)
Well, if we find any arrowheads and stuff,
we can put 'em in the box.
Who are you kidding?
We're not gonna find anything.
This little squirt made the whole thing up about Indians.
I did not.
I bet you can't dig anyplace around here,
without finding somethin'.
Ah, this is a goofy idea,
trying to prove your crazy bet, Eddie.
Well, the movies don't open till 12:30.
We might as well dig a little.
- Yeah.
- Let's go ahead and dig.
Hey, I found somethin'!
- Hey, what is it.
- What is it, what is it?
It's just an old rusty tin can.
Maybe the Indians were eating tomatoes,
after they killed everybody?
(audience laughing)
Come on, let's get this diggin' over with,
I wanna get that buck and a half,
so I can go to the movies.
Yeah, come on.
(adventurous music)
Eddie, I still think you oughta dig, right here.
(audience laughing)
Ah, dry-up.
Hey look, I found somethin'.
(audience laughing)
Hey, it's a real Indian arrowhead.
It's lead, all right.
I guess it is a real arrowhead.
(audience laughing)
Hey, Wally.
This looks like the arrowhead you had up in your room.
(audience laughing)
The one your uncle sent ya from Arizona.
Well, you know how it is, Eddie.
One arrowhead looks like another.
(audience laughing)
Ah, dry-up, Eddie.
Let's keep diggin'.
(adventurous music)
Hey, look, a busted arrow.
- Where?
There.
Let me see it.
Hey, that oughta prove there're Indians here.
We'll take our dollar and a half now.
(audience laughing)
Wait a minute.
Where the other half of the arrow?
Well, maybe it's still in the guy they shot.
(audience laughing)
Yeah, let's keep diggin'.
We might find a real live skeleton.
(audience laughing)
- Come on.
- Let's go.
Hey, what's this on here?
Looks like printin'.
J-A-P-A-N.
(audience laughing)
I tell you one thing, I never heard of no Japanese Indians.
(audience laughing)
Well, it's a real arrow.
I think you guys planted this stuff here before we came.
Come on, hand over the dough.
(audience laughing)
Hey, you guys, come here.
What you do, find some more phony junk?
No, it's shiny.
Looks like jewels.
Hey, Beaver.
This some more of your phony junk?
Heck, no, we didn't bury nothin' on this side of the lot.
(audience laughing)
Hey, you know something, guys?
I think we found somethin' valuable here.
What do you mean, we?
This is our lot, if we find anything here,
it belongs to me and The Beaver.
Well, I'm the one who dug it up.
Hey, let's not start hallowin'.
We don't want the whole neighborhood in on this.
(audience laughing)
You know, guys, on account of Beaver and his crazy stories
we might all end up been millionaires.
(triumphant music)
(comical music)
Checking on the neighbors again?
(audience laughing)
I thought the boys were up here?
Huh-huh.
Well, they've deserted the vacant lot.
They went into the garage awhile ago, with a box.
Looked like it was filled with dirt.
Ward, what would they do with a box full of dirt?
Well, June, the possibilities of dirt,
are practically unlimited.
(audience laughing)
I think you ought to go out there
and see what they're up to.
But, June, I can't do that.
Unless your kids are tearing something down
or burning something up or been unkind to old ladies,
you have to leave 'em alone.
That's the unwritten law.
(audience laughing)
(comical music)
(water splashing)
Why, look at the size of this one.
This must be worth a thousand bucks by itself.
I saw a movie once,
these guys prized a stone, just like this,
outta this great big idols eye.
All they guys died, 'cause it had a curse on it.
I hope nobody's been cursing around here.
(audience laughing)
Yeah, I saw that picture, Eddie.
It happened in Egypt,
those kind of curses aren't allowed to work on Americans.
(audience laughing)
Where you suppose these valuable stones come from?
Like all kinds of rocks, the glaciers brought 'em.
Are the glaciers like Egyptians?
(audience laughing)
Oh, why don't you pipe down, Beaver.
I wish Tooey would hurry up and get back
with his fathers book about rocks.
Me too.
I'd like to figure out whether
these are emeralds or rubies.
Hi, fellas.
Hey, shut the door, will ya?
Did you find out what they is?
Yeah, here's a picture.
They're garnets.
Yeah, I guess they are.
Hey, what are garnets, are they valuable.
Are they valuable?
They use 'em in jewels.
Oh, boy.
It says in India, they even sell 'em for rubies.
Rubies.
- Rubies.
- Wow!
Hey, and we've got a whole vacant lot full of 'em.
Gee, they must be worth gillion dollars a pound.
(audience laughing)
Boy, we'll be richer than any kid in the whole world.
Even Sal Mineo.
(audience laughing)
You know what I'm gonna do with my share?
Well, first I'm gonna buy a sporting goods store.
And then I think I'll buy an amusement park,
so I'll have somethin' to do in the summer.
(audience laughing)
I'm gonna buy the biggest automobile in the world,
with red leather upholstery.
Are you kidding, Tooey.
You can't drive.
So what, I'll park it out in front
and sit in it, till I'm old enough.
(audience laughing)
I'm gonna go to dentist
and have them make me a big gold tooth,
just like my Uncle Frank has.
Beaver, your teeth are okay, you don't need a gold tooth.
I know, but I always wanted one.
When you have a gold tooth,
you got something that every other kids doesn't have.
(audience laughing)
- That's right.
- Can you see me with one.
I might buy one too.
What you gonna do with your money, Eddie?
Well, first I'm gonna buy a big house
and get my father to quit his job.
Hey, that's pretty good.
Then I'm gonna put my old man on allowance.
If he wants cigars or wants to go to movies,
or anything, he's gonna have to come to me.
(audience laughing)
Eddie, you're practically a genius.
(audience laughing)
Hey, after we stivy 'em up,
let's not anybody say anything to anybody.
Let's stivy 'em up.
Now remember, everybody keep their mouths shut.
Especially you, Beaver, you little squirt.
You can't keep a secret.
You cut that out, Eddie.
If it wasn't for Beaver,
we never would've gotten these garnets and gotten rich.
Yeah, that's right, isn't it.
You know, you're all right, Beaver.
(comical music)
(audience laughing)
Well, hi, dear.
What you doing in there?
(audience laughing)
I'm putting a new bulb in the refrigerator.
Can't have you groping around in the dark.
(audience laughing)
(refrigerator door banging)
(audience laughing)
There, that's that.
Don't thank me, dear, just remember me at Christmas.
(audience laughing)
Well, I've gotta get some paperwork done.
Dear, this new buld's too bright.
Well, just wear your sunglasses,
when you open the door, dear.
(audience laughing)
Better get this stuff back in the refrigerator,
before it spoils.
(audience laughing)
Hi, Mom.
Hi, Beav.
I come in to get a drink.
Oh, I'll give you a glass of milk.
That's if I can find it.
(audience laughing)
Here we are.
Where's Wally and the other boys?
They went to get a soda.
Beaver, what you do with that box of dirt,
you had out in the garage?
It ain't dirt anymore, Mom.
We poured it in a bucket of water.
(audience laughing)
Oh, glad to hear it.
The big guy's biting now, Mom.
Oh, that's nice.
Even asked me to have a soda with 'em.
But I think I'd hang around here.
Me and Wally and the big guys got a secret.
That's nice.
We're not allowed to tell what it is.
(audience laughing)
Oh, of course not.
That's what makes it a secret.
Aren't you gonna ask me what it is?
(audience laughing)
Huh-huh.
I bet if Dad was here, he'd ask me what it is.
(audience laughing)
Beaver, if the boys asked you to keep a secret,
I don't think anyone should try and get it out of you.
But, gee, Mom, it didn't seem like a real secret,
unless somebody wants to know what it is.
(audience laughing)
Joan, have you seen any pencils?
Hi, Beav.
Hi, Dad.
Are you real busy?
Oh, yeah, as a matter of fact I am, Beaver.
I've got an awful lot of work to do.
Oh.
Well, I guess, I'll go get a soda too.
He's got a big secret
and he's just busting to tell someone.
Well, did you ask him what it was?
Well, of course not, dear.
Unless they're tearing down buildings
or burning up old ladies, we just don't pry.
(audience laughing)
Unwritten law.
(audience laughing)
(pleasant music)
Oh, hi, Beaver.
Hi, Gus.
What you doin' there?
Spraying the plants to get rid of the bugs.
Funny thing, Beaver, the bugs eat the plants
and the birds eat the bugs.
Who eats the birds?
(audience laughing)
Bigger birds.
Don't hardly seem fair.
Well, that's the way it is, Beaver.
It seems like everybody's,
gotta have somebody else to jump on.
Say, Gus.
Yeah, Beaver.
Showing a secret,
ain't the same as tellin' a secret, is it?
(audience laughing)
Well, I guess not, exactly.
Me and the big guys found a garnet mine,
right across the street, in the vacant lot.
Well, those are sure honest to goodness garnets,
all right.
We're gonna sell 'em to a jeweler and get rich.
Tooey's gonna buy a big car
and Wally's gonna buy an amusement park.
And we're all gonna be gillionaires
and the big guys like me now,
'cause I'm the one that done it.
(audience laughing)
Well, I'll tell you, Beaver.
That sounds mighty nice.
But there's people in the world
that's gotta tell other people bad news,
just like there's birds that eat other birds.
I don't know what you mean, Gus.
Well, I mean, these ain't the kind
of garnets you sell to a jeweler.
These are the kind, they grind up to make sandpaper.
You mean, they ain't worth nothin'?
Not, unless you wants to have a whole carload of 'em.
Too bad, Beaver.
(sad music)
I sure liked to have had that gold tooth.
I guess Wally and the boys will be kind
of disappointed when you tell 'em, huh?
Yeah, but I think I'll wait till the morrow.
At least that way, I'll be a
big guy for a whole nother day.
(comical music)
Don't tell me you're through with the war of 1812 already?
Yeah, I'm not gonna use it anymore.
I was just gettin' stories from the pictures.
Stories for school?
No.
Eddie Haskell told stories and the big guys listen to him.
So I told a story, so they'd think I was a big guy too.
Oh, I see.
I guess you wanna be one of the big guys,
pretty bad, huh, Beaver?
I sure do.
Well, I can understand that.
I went through the same thing myself.
But I'll tell you something, Beaver,
if you're gonna be a big guy,
you got to be a real honest to goodness big guy.
See, if you lie,
then you wind up just been a make-believe big guy.
Guys,
the garnets weren't no good today.
You found a garnet?
Yeah, we dug 'em up.
We think we was all rich.
But they were's the kind you made sandpaper out of.
Oh.
Goodnight, Dad.
(sad music)
[Ward] Goodnight, Beav.
- Goodnight, Mom.
- Goodnight, Beaver.
Sounds like The Beaver had quite a day.
Well you know, June, when you come right down to it,
sometimes it's pretty tough been a kid.
I just heard a little bit of what you said to him.
You know, sometimes it's kind of tough been an adult too.
Hey, Wally?
Yeah, Beav.
You think the guys will be mad at me for long?
Nah, they'll probably forget about it by tomorrow.
But all you guys were gonna do those big things,
when we sold the garnets.
Eddie was gonna buy a house and everything.
Yeah, but we were just talkin'.
Even when we believed it.
I don't think we really thought it would happen.
But gee, Wally, guys do find mines
and jewels and get to be millionaires and everything.
Yeah, but that only happens to famous people.
Nothing that good, could ever happen to kids.
(audience laughing)
(sad music)
I guess so.
Goodnight, Wally.
Goodnight, Beav.
(pleasant music)
(pleasant upbeat music)