Gilligan's Island (1964) s01e32 Episode Script

1
["The ballad of gilligan's island"]
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale ♪
a tale of a fateful trip ♪
that started from this tropic port ♪
aboard this tiny ship ♪
the mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪
the skipper brave and sure ♪
five passengers set sail that day ♪
for a three hour tour ♪
a three hour tour ♪
[thunder rumbling]
The weather started getting rough ♪
the tiny ship was tossed ♪
if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
the minnow would be lost ♪
the minnow would be lost ♪
the ship set ground
on the shore of this ♪
uncharted desert isle ♪
with gilligan ♪
the skipper too ♪
the millionaire ♪
and his wife ♪
the movie star ♪
and the rest ♪
are here on gilligan's isle ♪
[instrumental music]
[Gurgling]
Hiya, professor.
Sorry, didn't mean to scare you.
You're awful nervous.
I'm not nervous, gilligan.
I didn't realize you were here.
- And you startled me.
- Oh.
- Hiya, professor.
- Gilligan!
See, you're nervous! You jumped
even when you knew I was here.
I took chemistry in high school once.
I'll never forget it. I mixed
ammonia with some acid.
- You know what I got?
- No. What?
Expelled. They thought the
school was gonna burn down.
I wonder. You know, many kinds
of acids are highly combustible.
Not only that. They can start a fire.
Must be an important experiment
you're working on.
It is gilligan.
You've seen the dye markers the
Navy uses as distress signals.
- The yellow stuff that floats.
- That's right.
Well, I've managed to scrape
together some potassium chromate
and I believe I've succeeded
in duplicating the Navy formula.
- No foolin'. We can be rescued?
- Exactly.
And I'm even adding
a phosphorescent compound
to the dye to enable it to glow in the dark.
- Shiny junk.
- That's it.
When I add that
"shiny junk," as you call it
to this yellow dye marker,
it'll glow like a torch.
Planes flying nearby
will see it day or night.
They'll follow it here
and we'll be rescued.
I'll go tell the others. Oh, boy!
Oh, no. What's the name of that stuff?
Well, it's a mixture of
potassium chromate, ferric
chloride and calcium phosphate.
- Potassium potassium ferric..
- Shiny junk.
Shiny junk. Yeah.
Hey, we're gonna be rescued!
- Skipper! Hey, skipper!
- What's all the excitement?
- I have some news!
- What is it?
The professor is experimenting
with chemicals
he found right here
and what happened to you?
I had a small accident.
I bent over to pick some bananas
and my pants split.
So Mary Ann is sewing it up.
What's the good news?
The professor is working
on a dye marker
that's just like the Navy.
It lights up at night.
- And you're getting too fat.
- I'm not!
You can really see it at night?
You can see that part day or night.
Cut that out, gilligan.
With a thing like this, we could
possibly be rescued. Oh, boy!
What are you gonna do once rescued
besides standing
at the unemployment office.
Honestly, I hadn't even thought about it.
With the boat wrecked,
I guess I'm out of business.
Guess, I'll join back the Navy.
Okay. You go in the Navy, I'll go too.
I had no idea that you felt that way.
Well, skipper, you're my buddy
and my pal and shipmate.
You mean, you'd stick with me?
It's better than starvin' to death.
(Mary Ann) 'Skipper, I finished your pant.'
oh, here's Mary Ann. Ha ha. Mary Ann.
Ha ha ha.
I left them out two inches, just
like you asked me to, skipper.
- Thank you, Mary Ann.
- Hey, Mary Ann.
Did you hear we're gonna be rescued?
Rescued? Oh, are you sure, gilligan?
Are you 100% completely,
absolutely, positively certain?
I'm not even that certain
my name is gilligan.
But the professor says we'll be rescued.
Oh, that's wonderful!
I'll go tell the others.
Yeah.
- There we are. Good as new.
- I dunno, skipper.
Maybe she should've left out
four inches instead of two.
She only let 'em out..
Well, alright, two inches.
But what do you mean four
inches? They're perfect!
Okay, skipper. See you later.
For goodness sakes.
Four inches instead of two.
You've got a lot of nerve!
[Rips]
Red cab. Red cab.
They're never around
when you want them.
Lovey, you keep forgetting
we're on a deserted island.
There aren't any red cabs.
There's only gilligan.
Oh, yes, of course, gilligan.
White cab. White cab.
Gilligan, would you mind
helping us with these bags?
- Certainly, Mr. Howell.
- Be careful of the large one.
There's something
frightfully expensive in it.
- Money.
- I'll be very careful.
Watch it, that's my luggage.
Watch it, boy.
- Here, here. There you go.
- Oh, poor gilligan.
No. He's a Hardy fellow.
- Whoop! I Mr. Howell?
- Yes, what is it?
- Can I ask you something?
- Certainly.
- You folks going on a trip?
- A trip? Don't be silly.
We're being rescued.
Really, gilligan, you told us
that the professor was
working on a scheme
to get us off the island.
Surely we haven't been ship
wrecked before we even start.
The professor is still experimenting.
- He has to find more chemicals.
- Chemicals?
'Yeah. He mixes the shiny junk
with some other stuff.'
once it's all squishy,
he adds some more goop.
Then he heats it and pours
one mess into another
and then he.. Am I being
too technical for you?
Professor?
- Professor?
- Huh?
Don't let me interrupt.
I just wanted to use your scale.
Help yourself, skipper.
I just think it's near genius
the way you figured
to make this dye marker.
No, just lucky to find the chemicals.
Afraid you're getting a little overweight?
No. But you know, a fellow
likes to keep in shape.
'By the way, that scale
only goes to 200 pounds.'
thanks.
Skipper, I cleaned up the other
scale. A big one by the fire.
Gilligan, we use that to weigh the fish.
If you don't mind,
I'll use the professor's scale.
Now, it's in here somewhere.
This Navy manual will tell me
how much I should weigh.
Maybe it's under tonnage.
Eh here we are.
There. Six foot three.
Says I should weigh 199 pounds.
- But that scale only goes up
- I know, only 200 pounds.
Therefore I have nothing to worry about.
Gilligan.
[Sighs]
Ah, ah!
- Ah, ah!
- Tail.
Okay, skipper, it's all set. Have a seat.
Do you think that will hold me, gilligan?
Come on. We've weighed
bigger fish than you.
O-Op.
Alright. Step aside.
[Creaking]
- Wow!
- What does it say?
You're in between a large mouth
bass and a hammerhead shark.
Never mind that, gilligan.
How much do I weigh?
'Two hundred and twenty one pounds.'
skipper, you'll never get in the Navy.
You gotta lose 22 pounds!
- Skipper's gotta go on a diet.
- Yeah!
(Professor) 'Oh, there you are, skipper.'
listen. When I finish
making the chemicals
I'll need a special raft to
release the marker out at sea.
- You design it. I'll build it.
- He needs exercise.
- My little buddy said that.
- I'll be finished in a week.
Hear that? In a week, we'll be rescued.
I'm thinking, gilligan, I've
got to lose more than 22 pounds
in less than a week
if we wanna join the Navy.
You'll have to go on a crash diet.
Exactly. This is what
you must do to help me.
Anytime, no matter what I do or say
don't let me have anything
to eat. You understand? Nothing!
Depend on me, skipper.
[Bell ringing]
Time for dinner. Come on, let's go.
(Gilligan) That's ginger's. Pass it down.
- Pardon me, ginger.
- Thanks.
That's Mary Ann's. Pass it down.
Here's yours, skipper.
Oh, now, wait a minute.
Didn't you forget something?
There's only a measly
piece of lettuce on the plate.
Oh, yeah. Your spoon.
Gilligan, this isn't
enough food for a grown man.
It's enough food for an overgrown man.
Alright. If you will all excuse me
I'll go read, to take my mind off the food.
- Hey, skipper?
- Yes.
Don't go too far. It's
your turn to wash the dishes.
Well there's one dish
I won't have to wash.
- Goodnight. Sleep tight.
- Sleep tight?
It's alright for you to say that
'cause you're not starving.
Just forget about it and go to sleep.
I've tried to go to sleep.
I've tried counting sheep.
But they all turn into
lamb chops. Boy, I'm hungry.
We gotta get your mind off food.
Let's talk about being rescued.
Good idea.
Luckily, we've got the
professor. He's a smart cookie.
- Cookie?
- I mean, he knows his onions.
If you don't shut up, I'm gonna
bend you like a pretzel!
Now, see what you've done.
You've got me doin' it to me!
I'm sorry. Every time I try
to help, I end up a dead duck.
[Gilligan snoring]
[Snoring continues]
Ah, ah, uh-huh, ah!
Gilligan?
Gilligan?
Are you asleep?
And now for a nice midnight snack.
Ah, ah, uh-huh, ah!
- We work good together, huh?
- Yeah.
Once rescued, we'll do
the same thing in the Navy.
Not exactly, gilligan.
See, we won't be working
on rafts in the Navy.
They've got rafts
where you push a button
and the whole thing
blows up like a big balloon.
Speakin' of big balloons,
it's time for your exercise.
Gilligan, you sure have a way
of making a fellow feel good.
You said that you wanted
to run ten laps a day.
Right. If I run those ten laps,
I'll lose some of mine.
- Some of your what?
- My lap!
Ten laps if I lose..
Oh, never mind, gilligan. Well, here I go.
Phew!
- Oh, hi, skipper.
- Hello, ginger.
Wow. Ten laps!
Oh, you're just in time for your exercise.
Exercise? I just ran
ten laps around the island.
Oh, well, this is different.
These are the exercises
the movie stars do in Hollywood.
You know, to reduce the waist
and hips and so forth.
That's where I need it. Around
the waist, hips and my so forth.
Okay. Come on. Here we go.
Now, hands on hips.
Feet apart.
- Chest out.
- Uh!
- Head way back.
- Uh!
Way back.
This is very good for your figure, skipper.
Oh, believe me, ginger.
Mine will never look like yours.
Now, we're gonna do the trunk exercise.
This is guaranteed
to slim down your waist.
Here we go. Now.
Come on, skipper, do it. It's very easy.
- It's just like doing the hula.
- Ginger, I-I can't do that.
Come on. You want to
get back in the Navy, right?
Yes, but I wasn't thinkin'
about joining the waves.
That's right. Now you're swingin'.
Go.
(Ginger) 'Come on.'
oh, isn't that lovely?
You know, they say,
if you watch the movements
you can tell the whole story.
I don't get what he's saying
but with her, I do get the message.
(Mary Ann) 'Lunch is ready.'
uh, sorry, skipper. But
you're not on the guest list.
Oh, but, Mr. Howell, I'm starving!
Oh, skipper, I found these reducing pills.
You take one every time you're hungry.
- Good. Come, lovey darling.
- Thanks a lot.
Skipper, hold still. I can't read the scale.
I hope you two are working on that raft
because the phosphorescent dye
is almost finished.
We'll be ready when you are, professor.
Good. Once the plane spots that
marker, we'll to be rescued.
- Hot dog!
- Gilligan?
Sorry.
- Well, how much do I weigh?
- Let's see here.
You got to lose two more pounds
to get into the Navy.
- Let me see that book!
- Here you go.
Well, you satisfied?
Yeah.
- What's the matter?
- The-the scale.
- What's the matter with it?
- Even if I can get in.
You can't. You're
five pounds underweight.
Underweight?
Now, open up, gilligan.
There. Just two more spoonful's
and it'll all be gone.
- Keep eating, gilligan.
- Mrs. Howell.
You know, you have to eat
if you want to join the skipper
and be in the Navy when we're rescued.
But, Mrs. Howell..
You have to gain
five more pounds in two days.
Or is it two pounds in five days..
Well, any case, keep eating.
This is the third meal I've had
today. It's not even lunch yet.
Oh, my, my. What a charming picture.
Reminds me of when my nanny
fed me. It was so embarrassing.
Why was it embarrassing, darling?
It was my senior year at Harvard.
Well, how's operation gluttony coming?
I see the boy's gained
three quarters of a pound.
Isn't that wonderful?
I sure hope so,
'cause I can't eat another bite!
Gilligan, if you want your appetite back
why don't you come
and help me built the raft.
Oh, no, skipper. He mustn't
have any exercise at all.
- That's out of the question.
- But, Mrs. Howell
no, gilligan. If you work,
you're liable to perspire.
And if you perspire,
you're liable to lose weight.
Isn't that true, thurston?
Well, I don't know. I've never perspired.
- Ooh, that smells good!
- Mmm.
- Here. I'll take it to him.
- Oh, no. No, you don't.
- It's my turn.
- Oh, I know. But..
- Why don't we both feed him?
- Okay. Good idea.
We'll turn the little string
bean into a jolly green giant.
[Tapping]
Oh, gilligan, I don't think
I can hold out much longer.
All I can think of is sirloin steak.
French fried potatoes,
mushroom sauce..
Skipper, please, not when I'm eating.
We brought you some soft-shell
crab and some fresh pineapple.
Crab and pineapple.
Uh-huh, skipper. I saw you
put something in your mouth.
Gilligan, for your information,
these are nails.
- Spoonful of crab.
- Spoonful of pineapple.
Must you feed him in front of me?
Oh, no, skipper.
We can go some place else.
No, that's alright.
At least I can smell the food.
I mean, even though
my stomach is unhappy
my-my nose is happy.
(Mary Ann) Spoonful of pineapple.
- How're you doing, gilligan?
- Well, I..
- Spoonful.
- Spoonful of pineapple.
Keep up the good work, girls.
How's the raft coming, skipper?
Oh, fine. Just fine, professor.
Oh, good. I'm almost
finished with the dye.
Perhaps we can launch
the marker tonight.
- At night?
- Why, sure.
With a phosphorous compound
that makes it glow
it's even more effective in the dark.
Okay, the raft will be ready in an hour.
That is unless I take a bite out of it.
Spoonful of pineapple.
I could use a little help
mixing the chemicals.
Could you spare me one of these girls?
- Well, I've been..
- Spoonful of pineapple.
- How about it, ginger?
- Well, okay, professor.
Mary Ann, keep shoveling.
Okay.
Spoonful of crab. Spoonful of pineapple.
Spoonful..
Oh, I just remembered.
I have a surprise for you.
Skipper, will you finish
feeding gilligan for me, please?
Finish feeding gilligan?
Well, no, Mary Ann.
I'm on this diet and I can't..
Why, certainly. I'd be glad
to help you feed gilligan.
You just run right along.
Now, gilligan, open your mouth real wide.
Oh, no. You're not supposed to eat that.
I'm the one that's supposed to eat.
Oh, gilligan, I've got to
have something to eat.
- I've got to have something
- remember the Navy.
I'll remember the Navy, but..
- Just a bite.
- Uh-huh.
- Just a taste then.
- Uh-huh.
Could I lick the bowl?
No.
Darn me!
How's the booyah base coming, darling?
Darling, I've surpassed even
myself. Don't you agree?
It's so yummy.
- What say, hearty heart.
- Mmm.
An epicurean delight.
A culinary masterpiece.
Darling, I thought
you'd make a fuss over it.
Oh, darling.
Thurston dear, why have you
never made booyah base at home?
Back home, our house is so big,
I can't find the kitchen.
Once I find the kitchen,
I can't find the stove.
- Oh, thurston, ah-ah.
- Yes, alright, dear.
Skipper, I can't eat another bite.
Yeah, you have my deepest sympathy.
Once I get up to weight,
I'm going on a diet.
Are you outta your mind?
I haven't eaten in three days!
Don't worry, skipper.
It still tastes the same.
Oh, gilligan, my boy, I prepared a dish
to titillate even your
unsophisticated palate.
Behold the specialty de la Maison.
What is it? Smells like fish stew.
Fish stew? World famous
French recipe, booyah base.
What does booyah base
mean in English?
Erm fish stew.
Eat it, my boy.
- Ah-uh-ah!
- Oh, no, no, capitaine.
Eat, gilligan, my boy.
Oh, the nutritious goodness.
You must wait.
Here you are, professor.
I washed it real good.
Good.
You know, one thing I like about science.
It's so Scientific.
Oh, yes.
You know, I took chemistry
when I was in high school.
I'll never forget one day
when I was in class
I mixed ammonia with some kind of acid
'and you know what I got?'
- expelled.
- No.
I got a date with the most
handsome, young fireman.
Well, I think it's finished.
Just let it cool and we'll be all set.
Gilligan, here's the surprise
I promised you.
- Coconut cream pie.
- No, Mary Ann.
You take it to somebody else.
I can't eat another bite.
Oh, gilligan, I baked it for you.
Now eat it!
Hey, gilligan.
Raft's almost finished.
Come over and take a look at it.
(Skipper) 'Hey, gilligan!'
Well, you clumsy, bumbling
I'm sorry, skipper.
I tripped on the tool box and..
Here. Let me take it off.
It's alright, little buddy.
After all, accidents will happen.
There it is. Phosphorescent dye
that's gonna get us off here.
Isn't it exciting, professor?
- Let's put it on the raft.
- Please, allow me.
I don't think I could duplicate
this formula again.
I won't drop it. Who do you
think I am, gilligan?
Oh, no. No! We haven't
been on the island that long.
Thurston. Thurston. Oh, thurston.
I just heard the most marvelous news.
We'll launch the raft tonight,
as soon as it gets dark
and then we'll be rescued. Rescued!
Lovey, lovey, curb your exuberance.
Remember, after all, you are a ho well.
Oh, darling, couldn't we forget
we're howells just for once?
You mean, give it a real rouser?
- Oh, do you think we'd dare?
- Oh, we can live dangerously.
One, two, three.
(Both) Hurrah!
- Ready, skipper?
- 'All ready, professor.'
'just about to take it to the lagoon.'
- can I help, skipper?
- I'll help him. You just eat.
Alright. Heave-ho, professor.
Well, you've done a fine job, skipper.
Now we'll put the phosphorescent
dye in the receptacles.
- I'll get it.
- Oh, allow me, professor.
Alright. It's back there
on the table by gilligan.
Oh, uh, gilligan!
There's a bowl on the table.
It's got the professor's
formula in it. Bring it here!
(Ginger) Isn't it exciting, skipper?
Oh..
Oh!
(Gilligan) 'This bowl?'
It's empty.
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
Skipper!
Gilligan, I've heard of some stupid things
having been done in my lifetime
but this takes the cake!
If you hadn't eaten
the professor's formula
we'd have been rescued by now.
'I'm sorry, skipper ' - oh, never mind.
Maybe a plane or a ship will spot us.
'I hope so. I'm-I'm doin' everything I can.'
never mind, gilligan.
Now, just shut up and keep turning!
[Growling]
[Continues growling]
Now this is the tale of our castaways ♪
they're here for a long long time ♪
they'll have to make the best of things ♪
it's an uphill climb ♪
the first mate and his skipper too ♪
will do their very best ♪
to make the others comfortable ♪
in their tropic island nest ♪
no phone, no lights, no motor car ♪
not a single luxury ♪
like Robinson crusoe ♪
it's primitive as can be ♪
so join us here each week my friends ♪
you're sure to get a smile ♪
from seven stranded castaways ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪♪