The Andy Griffith Show (1960) s01e32 Episode Script

( whistling sprightly tune)
Starring Andy Griffith
with Ronny Howard.
Also starring Don Knotts.
Otis Campbell, the
charge against you
is violation of Ordinance 502:
Being intoxicated
in a public place.
Yeah.
How do you plead, guilty?
Yeah.
Otis, come back here.
Now, the fine is two
dollars or 24 hours.
Now, what'll it be?
Andy, you know I
always take the 24 hours.
I wouldn't waste two
dollars on something
that didn't have a cork in it.
All right, 24 hours.
( gavel pounds)
Hi, Paw.
Oh, hi, Ope.
Hi, Otis.
I see you got a snootful again.
Opie, I don't like to hear
you use words like that.
What words, Paw?
"Snootful."
You don't even
know what it means.
Sure, I do, Paw.
It's what Otis does
that makes him walk in
here crooked every week.
Well, I guess we'll
have to let it go at that.
( grunts)
Now, where'd we
leave off yesterday?
Beauty dreamed that
the Beast was dying
and she rushed
back to the palace.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
And sure enough, there he was
A-layin' there and
a-breathin' his last.
And Beauty,
forgettin' his ugliness
flung herself at him,
a-weepin' and a-sobbin'.
An-an-and the old ugly
Beast looked up at her
with his small,
little, ugly eyes
and smiled a small,
sad, ugly smile.
And Beauty cried,
"You must not die.
"You must live to be my husband.
"I thought it was
friendship that I felt,
but now I know it was love."
And she covered her
eyes and wept for joy,
and-and when she
looked up again,
the Beast was gone!
And in his place was a
handsome, young prince
The prince of her dreams.
And Beauty says, Beauty says,
"Where is my Beast?
I love only him."
See, by now she was
so used to this mess
that she couldn't
stand good looks.
The prince says,
"I am the Beast.
"I had to remain one
until a beautiful, young girl
would promise to marry me."
He says, "You
alone, dearest Beauty,
judged me not for my
looks, but for my heart."
And he throwed his
arms around her neck
and kissed her
right on the face.
And they lived
happily ever after.
Laughin' and gigglin'
'til the end of their days.
And that's all the
storytelling for the day.
Tomorrow,
tomorrow, I'll tell you
the story of King Arthur
and the Knights
of the Round Table.
Oh, boy!
Aha, I thought
that'd set pretty good.
( chuckles)
Okay.
Paw, is there anything I
can do to help you today?
Well, let's see.
I know something you can do.
How about posting some of
these new wanted posters?
Just come in today.
Sure, Paw.
Eh.
ANDY: Oh, hi, Aunt Bee.
Hi, Andy.
Opie, you should be
home doing your homework
instead of that.
Aunt Bee's got a point there.
How about it?
We haven't got any
homework today, Paw.
How come?
We kept asking questions
right up till the bell rang,
and the teacher didn't have time
to give us any homework.
( chuckles): Hey,
that's pretty slick.
Yeah, we beat the rap.
Young man, what kind
of language is that?
English.
BARNEY: Hi, everybody.
Oh, hi, Barn.
Hi, Barney.
How are you? Hi, Barney.
What do you say, Ope?
Oh, I see you got your gun on.
You ready?
Okay, now, just a second.
Okay. Draw!
Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow!
Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow!
That's pretty good.
Pretty good, but
you still got that,
that little hesitation,
you know tha-that tug.
See, she's got to
come out real clean.
One smooth, continuous action.
See how baby come
out of her cradle there?
Just keep practicing, son.
You'll be able to do
that, too, someday.
Yes, Opie, that's right.
You just keep practicing.
What's the next
course, strangling?
( chuckling)
Opie, did you tell your father
what happened in school today?
I-I I don't think so.
AUNT BEE: I had a call
from the principal
this afternoon.
The principal?!
Aunt Bee, if we're
going, let's go.
Well, wait, wait a
minute, young'un.
What is it, Aunt Bee?
Oh, it's not at all surprising.
What is it?
During lunch period
your son handcuffed Ralph Baker
to the flagpole.
You did what?
Well, we were playing
cops and robbers,
and he resisted arrest.
ANDY: Where'd you
get the handcuffs?
( whistling)
Only one place you could
have got 'em that's here.
And I know I didn't
give them to you,
and I know Barney, he
Barney?
Huh?
Did you?
Di-did I what?
Did you give them to him?
Give what to who?
Did you give Opie the handcuffs?
( clears throat): Well,
uh let me see, now.
It-it's hard for me to
remember, you know.
W-we've been on such a
busy schedule, I Barney.
Oh, yeah, I remember now.
I-I-It was those old ones,
the rusty ones, the ones we
don't use anymore and, uh
Doggone it, Ope!
I told you not to use
them on real people.
Barney, I'm surprised at you.
And you, too, Opie.
Oh, are you really?
Well, I'd think you
wouldn't be at all surprised.
Ma'am? Well, his head
is always being filled
with criminals and sheriffin'.
I wouldn't be surprised if
at Opie's next birthday party
he shoots out the candles!
But Aunt Bee, keeping him
out of my office entirely
Ain't that being
a little strict?
Well, I know I
haven't said anything,
but I've been getting
more and more concerned
about Opie spending
all that time at the jail.
Well, he's a
well-behaved young'un.
Andy, haven't you noticed
the language he's picking up?
All of his interests
are centered
on sheriffin' and criminals.
Well, I wouldn't say that.
Andy, you don't want
the principal calling
every other day, do you?
Well, no.
That jail is just not
the best influence
for a young'un.
Well
It's for the boy's
own good, Andy.
Well, I-I will admit
that-that a home
is a lot more proper environment
than a jail is
( sighs)
Well all right, Aunt Bee,
I'll I'll go up and
have a talk with him.
Good.
Uh maybe, uh,
maybe once in a while?
Now, Andy
Well
Hi, son.
Hi, Paw.
All ready for bed, I see.
Yep. I've already
said my prayers.
Good.
I just wanted to come up
and have a little talk with you.
What about, Paw?
Well, it's, it's
about you and me.
Mostly, mostly you.
Is it something good, Paw?
Well, yeah, it's,
it's for your good.
Uh-oh.
What's the matter?
Every time grown-ups think
of something for your good,
it turns out to be not so good.
Well, in this case, I'd
say that don't apply.
Then what is it?
Well, uh
pretty good book?
Yep.
Good.
You, uh, want a drink of water?
Uh-uh.
Well, here she goes
Paw why don't you think about
what you want to talk about,
then you could tell me
tomorrow when I come by the jail?
Well, uh, that's, that's what I
wanted to talk to you about
You not coming by the jail.
What?!
That's right.
Now, a-a jail is no
place for a little boy
to be hanging around,
and, and I should've
realized that a long time ago.
Are you trying to
get rid of me, Paw?
Oh, no, no, I'm, I'm not
trying to get rid of you.
I just, I just want you to be
a normal, happy little boy.
I'm happy now.
Well, now you'll be happier.
Now, tomorrow after school
I don't want you
to stop by the jail.
I want you to come straight
home and run and play
and do anything
you have a mind to.
If I have a mind to, can
I come down to the jail?
No.
Now, take my word
for it, you'll be happy.
Believe me.
Okay, Paw, I'll be happy.
Okay.
But it ain't gonna be much fun.
Well, she's about 3:00.
Yeah, just about.
( sighs)
Opie'll be getting out
of school about now.
Yeah.
Won't be coming here, though.
No, no
BARNEY: It's a
good thing, though.
ANDY: For the best.
Oh, it's for the
best, all right.
You bet.
Yeah, you can say that again.
Say what?
That it's for the best.
Oh, it's for the best.
Andy?
Hmm?
D-did you ever figure
that we're really a bad
influence on the boy?
No.
B-but w-when you,
when you think about it, we are.
Oh, yeah, well, there's
no gettin' around it.
We're, we're bad for the boy.
Yeah.
I'm the worst.
I wouldn't say that.
No. You ain't the worst.
No, but you're included.
Oh, you're included, all right.
You're bad for the boy.
We're all bad. ANDY: Yeah.
Well, she's after 3:00 now.
Yeah. Hmm.
Well
guess I'll go on patrol.
That's a good idea.
Yeah. Maybe drive by the house,
see how things are.
I-if you run into Opie,
give him my regards.
Yeah, I will if-if I see him.
Give him mine, too, Andy.
Right, Otis.
Say, Otis
w-would you like me to
teach you the fast draw?
What for?
Well, I, I don't know.
I just thought
maybe you'd like me
to teach you the fast draw.
Why would I want to know
how to do the fast draw?
Well, in case you ever
want to break out of jail.
Don't you have any
ambition, for heaven's sakes?
I got ambition.
Well, that's better. Now here.
Now, first thing you
do is to get yourself
in a crouch
position, then you
Stick 'em up.
This is a jailbreak.
Oh, criminy.
Give me that.
Yeah, you see?
What's the use for me to know
how to do a fast draw?
Even if I wanted
to break out of jail
you wouldn't let me.
Opie, are you going to
spend the whole afternoon
dawdling over your
milk and cookies?
There's nothing to do.
Well, why don't you
go and play with one
of your picture puzzles
or go over to one of
your friend's houses, or?
I know what you can do.
What?
You can go out and plant
two whole rows of spinach.
Spinach?
It'll be very educational.
You'll see how nature
performs her wonders.
Why, soon you'll see it
grow before your very eyes.
But spinach?
Couldn't I see something else
grow up before my very eyes?
Oh, go on, Opie.
I've dug up some
ground right by the house,
and all you have to
do is put in the seeds.
Hi, Paw.
Well, hi, Ope.
What you doin'?
Plantin' spinach.
Spinach?
Aunt Bee says it's educational.
Oh-oh-oh, yeah, it is, it is.
It's very educational.
Every boy ought to know
how to grow spinach.
Well, I guess I'd better
leave you to your cultivating.
Going so soon, Paw?
Well, see, I'm on patrol.
I'll see you tonight at supper.
I'm glad you're having fun.
Paw, when you drive off,
would you give her
a blast on the siren?
Sure thing.
( siren blaring)
One thing I'll say about Otis,
he leaves a pretty neat cell.
Well, this is his home
away from home.
Yeah.
Hey, Andy, look who's here.
BARNEY: Hi, Ope.
Why don't you come on in?
Sorry about asking him in.
I forgot we was off limits.
Oh, that's all right.
I was gonna tell him
the story of King Arthur
and the Knights of
the Round Table today.
But he's got other
interesting things to do.
Opie, what are you doing?
I guess I couldn't come in.
Now, son, you know
what we all agreed on.
I don't remember
agreeing on anything.
Opie, we're just doing
what's best for you.
Yes, Paw.
You better run on home.
Aunt Bee'll be
a-looking for you.
Okay.
Are you sure he isn't there?
It's almost supper time.
Well he-he did come by
here, but I sent him right home.
How about the neighbors?
No. No, he's nowhere around,
and I'm getting awfully worried.
Well, n-now, Aunt
Bee, don't get panicky.
I'll go, I'll go
out and find him.
Right.
You didn't find him.
Now, Aunt Bee, just because
he's been gone a couple hours,
ain't no use in thinkin'
something terrible
A couple of
hours? It's dark out!
He's never been
out this late before.
( phone rings)
Hello. Sheriff Taylor speaking.
Oh, uh, hello, Fred.
What can I do for you?
Naw.
And-and and he's all right?
We've been looking
everywhere for that boy.
How in the world
did he get over there?
Huh? Uh-huh.
Well, I'll be dogged.
Don't that beat all?
Well, well, Fred, y-you
just hold on to him
and tight as you know how
and I'll come over
there and get him.
Much obliged, Fred.
Wait till you hear
where else he's been.
Tell your Aunt Bee.
Down to the old Johnson mine.
The mine?
He said it caved in.
Oh, Opie!
Now, son, they're
dangerous places
for you to play around.
Now, you should have
known better than that.
Yes, Paw, but I just
had to go someplace.
I got tired of
watering the spinach,
and I wasn't allowed
down at the jail.
Well, that's no excuse.
That was a bad thing you did.
Now, I'm, I'm gonna
have to punish you.
You understand why, don't you?
Yes.
I have to teach you not
to wander off like that.
You never did do it before.
Get on up to your room.
( clears throat)
Uh, well, just a minute, Opie.
You know, I think I know
why he got in trouble today.
He hasn't been seeing
enough of his Paw.
What?
And he should,
especially when his Paw works
so nearby and he's so handy.
He can stop by on
his way from school.
You want him to
come by the jail?
But what about
our evil influence
and the bad environment?
Well, I think we
can do something
about correcting those things.
For instance, a
certain deputy sheriff
could stop giving him handcuffs
and teaching him
to be a gunfighter.
And I-I think there's
a few other little
corrections we might make,
like Opie could kind
of make hisself scarce
on days when Otis is
making his weekly visits.
You mean, when
he's got a snootful?
Uh that's a bad
choice of words, Opie.
Now, what Otis
does in our jail is rest.
Now, do you understand that,
or do you want to spend the
rest of your days plantin' spinach?
Oh, I understand, Paw.
And one other thing.
If I ever catch a
certain little boy
handcuffin' another
little boy to a flagpole,
he'll not only be
a-plantin' spinach
he'll be a-eatin'
it standin' up.
Yes.
Now I'm going to
fix you some supper
before you go to bed.
You must be starved.
Aunt Bee, I
And wait till you see
what I fixed special
for you your favorite
Apple pie.
Hi, Ope.
Hi, Paw.
Hey, Paw, guess what?
I got another star
for being good.
No, you didn't.
Well, I sure am
proud of this boy.
Yeah.
Do I get a story, Paw?
You better know you do.
Now, let's see
One time, a long time ago,
over in the old country
In England.
That's right, over in England,
there-there lived
this king, fella na
fella by the name
of King Arthur.
And he had this whole castle
full of brave and
valiant knights.
And the bravest
one of all was Sir
Sir Lancelot.
Sir Gawain.
Andy, let's not
fill the boy's head
with a lot of wrong information.
Now, the bravest
one was Sir Lancelot.
Barney, I keep telling
you that Sir Gawain
was the one that did
all the brave things.
Now, Andy, I don't care
what you keep telling him.
My mother read me that
story maybe a thousand times.
In, in every war in every
war that King Arthur had
Sir Gawain was the one
that carried the spear, and
( muttering)
Opie?
Where're you going?
I'm going home.
This place is a bad influence.