Leave It to Beaver (1957) s01e34 Episode Script

1
("Leave it to Beaver" theme music)
[Announcer] "Leave It To Beaver."
Starring Barbara Billingsley, Hugh Beaumont,
Tony Dow, and Jerry Mathers as The Beaver.
You know what else he said?
He said he could lick you with one hand
tied behind his back.
Eddie said that?
Yeah, you think he can, Wally?
Are you kiddin'?
He couldn't lick me the best day he ever had.
(lighthearted music)
Hey, Beav?
Eddie hangs around that new house a lot, doesn't he?
Yeah, he's probably over there right now.
I think I'll go over there.
I'd just like to see him say that in front of me.
Come on, Beav.
Well, Beaver, the tailor did a good job
on letting your suits out.
Yeah, my ankles hardly show any more.
I don't know how much longer you're
gonna be able to wear these.
No more sleeve to let out.
I guess as I get bigger,
there's gonna be more of me to let out
than there will be suit.
I suppose so.
In the hall closet, Wally.
Okay.
Oh, we're all set.
Should be back around three.
Oh, honey, if you want the car today, you can have it.
Fred Rutherford's picking us up.
Oh, good.
Where are you going, Wally?
Dad's gonna play golf.
I'm gonna caddy for him.
Gee, can't I go along?
I'd like to do that.
What's a caddy?
I'll carry his clubs around the course for him,
and look for the ball when he knocks it under rocks
and behind trees and stuff.
Couldn't I do that too?
Well, you're too close to the ground, Beaver.
If you carried the bag, the bag would drag.
(chuckling)
Anyway, I'm afraid you're a little too young, Beaver.
They don't allow boys under 12 on the golf course.
Oh.
When you're under 12, you can hardly do anything.
Except brush your teeth and go to bed.
Well, I'll tell you what, Beaver.
Maybe next weekend we can all go fishing, then you'll
(car horn honking)
That's Mr. Rutherford, come on, Wally.
Well, see ya, Beav.
Hey, I'll bring you home some of the golf balls Dad wrecks.
Bring some for me too, Wally.
Uh, Wally?
Mr. Rutherford's waiting.
Have a good game!
Well, Beaver, what do you got planned for today?
Well, Larry Modello's coming over.
What are you gonna do?
We might do something, or we might not do something.
We'll see when he gets here.
Well, I have to go grocery shopping.
Before you start playing and go out of the house,
I want you to go upstairs and take your good clothes off.
Okay, Mom.
Oh, here, hang this in the closet for me, will you?
Yes, Mom.
Oh, Beaver?
I don't want you playing over there
where they're building that new house.
Your father says it's too dangerous.
All right, Mom.
I'll put these in the wash.
Beaver, I'll leave your clean jeans here on the railing.
[Beaver] Okay, Mom!
What are you doing?
Just sitting.
[June] I don't want you sitting around in your good suit.
Okay, Mom, I won't sit around in my good suit.
(lighthearted music)
I'm gonna go grocery shopping now.
Have a good time.
Bye.
Hey, Beaver!
Beaver!
I'll be right down, Larry.
Hi, Larry.
Hi.
I didn't know you had an uncle in Florida, Beaver.
Oh, sure.
He's my uncle's uncle.
Hey, Beaver, look what I got.
Gosh, look at all that money!
There are no pictures on it.
I got 'em over where they're building that new house.
The electricians throw 'em away.
(metal jingling)
You wanna go over and get some more?
Then we can both sound like we're rich.
No, I'm not supposed to go over there.
And anyway, I got my good pants on.
Beaver, if we don't go right over,
some other guys will find them,
and there won't be any left.
But I'm not supposed to play over there.
But we're not gonna be playing.
We'll just be picking up money.
That's right.
I guess I could go.
And change my pants after later.
Sure, come on, let's run.
Okay.
(lively music)
Hey Beaver, wait!
Beaver!
(phone ringing)
Hello?
Oh, hello, Ward.
Oh, I just wanted to let you know
we'll be home for lunch, dear.
No, no, Wally's fine.
Fred and I were only able to get in nine holes.
He has to leave now to take his boy Lumpy to the movies.
Oh, I don't know, I guess he wants to get there
before the prices change.
Well, when you get home,
I want you to speak to the Beaver.
He went out in one of his good suits
after I told him not to.
All right, all right, dear, I'll speak to him.
Yeah, all right, bye.
- Dad?
- Uh-huh?
You think this ball's beat up enough
to give to the Beaver?
Hey, I did kinda put a smile on that one, didn't I?
No, the Beaver's not gonna get anything
but a good talking-to.
He went outside to play in his good suit.
Well, you know, Dad, kids like him
are always forgetting stuff.
(gentle music)
Your golf bag.
If I find four more, Beaver, I'll have $20.
Gee.
I got more than you got, but I only got $3.60.
That's 'cause I'm making believe mine are quarters.
I think I'm gonna make believe mine are 50 centses.
You know, Beaver, before it's finished,
a house sure looks like a skeleton, doesn't it?
Yeah.
I never seen a house with its skin off before.
Hey, Beaver, look, I made a seesaw!
Come on, get on it.
No, I'm not supposed to be over here.
And anyways, I think I better
go home and change my clothes.
Look, how can they get dirty just seesawing?
I can get dirty doing anything.
Don't go now, just when we're starting to have fun.
Well.
Come on, Beav.
I guess I could seesaw just once,
and then go home and change my pants.
Sure, get on.
Okay, Beav, now you put me up in the air.
I can't!
Well, go ahead and make yourself heavier.
I can't, you make yourself lighter.
I'm trying.
(dog barking)
What are you goofy kids doing?
He's too heavy, I can't get down.
That's easy.
Larry, just get off.
(thudding)
What'd you do that for, you wise guy?
You all right, Beaver?
Sure he's all right.
Come on, get up, Beaver.
We'll do it again, this is fun.
Guess I'm all right.
(fabric tearing)
(laughing)
Uh-oh.
I'm all right, but I don't think my pants are.
[Larry] Wow, you tore out the whole back.
(laughing)
This is one of my good suits, Eddie!
My mom's gonna be pretty sore
when she finds out what happened.
Wait a minute, kid.
You're not gonna be a little squealer, are ya?
Well, you're the one that did it.
Yeah, but if you go around squealing on guys,
nobody's gonna like ya.
Is that why nobody likes you, Eddie?
Shut up, fat boy.
Come on, Beaver, you gonna be one of them little babies
that tells his mommy everything?
Well, I'm not gonna be a squealer,
but if I get in any trouble,
I'm gonna have my big brother Wally fix you.
Go on, I can take care of Wally
with one hand tied behind me.
[Beaver] Oh yeah?
Sure, and if he tries anything with me,
I'll sic my police dog on ya.
(barking)
He was in the war.
They trained him to attack the enemy.
(barking)
Just watch what you're saying, kid.
Come on, Wolf.
(suspenseful music)
Looks bad, huh, Larry?
It sure does.
You know something?
You shouldn't have come over here in your good suit.
(sighing)
Oh, there's more rip than there is pants.
Never mind, Wally.
We're waiting for an explanation, Beaver.
Beaver, I want to know right now
how you ripped your trousers.
Well, I didn't exactly rip 'em.
Somebody else ripped them?
That's right, somebody else ripped 'em.
Well, who was this somebody else?
Uh.
The somebody else was a dog.
[June] A dog bit you, Beaver?
Yeah, he tried to bit me.
But he got my pants instead.
I see.
Who did this dog belong to?
Uh
I never saw him before.
I think he's from outta town.
Well, Beaver, from the looks of that rip,
I'd say that dog had one rusty tooth.
Beaver, it was a nail, and it happened
over at that new house they're building, didn't it?
Yes, sir.
Why did you lie to us, Beaver?
You know what happens to boys who tell lies?
They don't get to watch television
for the rest of their lives?
Beaver, when you tell one lie
(phone ringing)
Well, I tell you, when you tell one lie.
Hello?
Oh, hello, Fred.
Ward?
Yes, he's right here.
Well, that sounds very nice.
The Rutherfords want us to come over
and play bridge tonight.
I played golf with Fred this morning.
I don't feel up to an evening with him.
Uh, boys, you better go on upstairs.
I'll talk to you later.
Hello, Fred, old boy!
How are ya?
Wait a minute, Beav.
Fred, I am sorry, but Ed Ferguson's
been wanting to demonstrate a new car.
I'd hate to disappoint him.
Sure, Fred, any other time.
It's just one of those things.
Yeah, all right, goodbye, boy.
Ward.
Honey, I just didn't feel up to another evening with Fred.
And anyway, Ed Ferguson did say something
about a new car just last week.
Well, I'd better go up and finish
my little talk with the Beaver.
All about what happens to little boys who tell lies?
(clearing throat)
Well, maybe I'd better wait til after lunch.
Til your conscience clears up a little.
Yeah.
And anyhow, I am a little hungry.
(lighthearted music)
Now, Beaver, you disobeyed me,
and you went out in your good clothes.
And you ripped your trousers and you lied to us.
Yes, Mom.
You know you're gonna have to be punished, don't you?
Yes, sir.
Well, we wanna be fair about it.
What do you think a fair punishment would be?
No stewed figs for dessert.
Uh, Beaver, you know you don't like stewed figs.
Oh yeah.
Hey, Dad, why don't you make him sleep on the floor?
Gee, Dad, that'd be neat!
Wally, I think I can handle this myself.
I'll tell you, Beaver, I think a fair punishment
would be for you to spend the rest of the afternoon
up here in your room.
Gee, Dad, what can I do up here?
Well, you could take a nap.
I haven't taken a nap since a long time ago.
I'm sorry, Beaver, but that's going to be your punishment.
Come on, boy, into bed.
Let's go, Wally.
Dad, couldn't Wally take a nap with me?
And then we could play checkers or something.
Yeah, Dad, I wouldn't mind.
All right, Wally, come on.
Everybody out.
Mom?
Yes, Beaver?
I'm sorry I wore my good pants,
after you told me not to, and ripped 'em.
I am too.
Beaver, you know the real reason
you're being punished, don't you?
Because I made you and Dad mad.
No, because you played over at the new house
and you told those lies about the dog biting you.
I guess so.
Beaver, it's telling lies that gets us into trouble.
You'll always be safe if you tell the truth.
And anyway, even when you think
you're getting away with it,
God knows you're lying.
How?
Oh, because God knows everything.
He sees everything.
Right through the roof?
Right through the roof.
(gentle music)
Right through the ceiling?
And through the ceiling.
Would God see me if I hid in my closet?
Yes, Beaver.
You see, God is everywhere.
Was God there when Dad was talking
to Mr. Rutherford on the telephone?
Well, Beaver, that was a little bit different.
You see, well, your father was tired,
and he didn't want to hurt Mr.
Rutherford's feelings, and
Well, Beaver, I'm afraid sometimes
your father and I make mistakes.
That's okay.
I make 'em myself sometimes, Mom.
Well, you lie down now and take your nap.
Okay, Mom.
Mom?
Yes, Beaver?
You gonna make Dad take a nap too?
No, but I think there's something else
your father's going to do.
Yeah, Fred, June and I discovered
that we are going to be able to make it tonight after all.
Ferguson?
Well, uh.
Um, I uh, I guess I was wrong about that, Fred.
Yes, well, we'll look forward to seeing you, too.
All right, bye.
Well, there you are, dear, we're going.
I'm gonna be miserable all evening.
I don't care how miserable you are,
you're going to enjoy it.
I'll make a point of that.
How's the Beaver doing?
He's taking his nap.
I hope we haven't been too severe with him.
He looks so forlorn up there in his room all by himself.
Well, after all, he did wear his good clothes
over to that house and he did make up
a fantastic story about a dog.
I know it.
I guess he'll have to wear his blue suit
to Sunday school tomorrow.
I just hope he realizes in the future
that if he tells the truth, he won't get into trouble.
I think he will.
(upbeat music)
Boy, that Eddie sure is a wise guy.
Yeah.
You know what else he said?
He said he could lick you with one hand
tied behind his back.
Eddie said that?
Yeah, you think he can, Wally?
Are you kiddin'?
He couldn't lick me the best day he ever had.
Hey, Beav.
Eddie hangs around that new house a lot, doesn't he?
Yeah, he's probably over there right now.
I think I'll go over there.
I'd just like to see him say that in front of me.
Come on, Beav.
I don't wanna go.
But Beav, we'll only be a second.
Who's gonna know?
Well, you know, Wally, somebody's always watching us.
And anyway, we're not supposed to play over there.
We're not going over there to play.
We're going over there to straighten out Eddie.
Okay.
Sure hope he knows that.
(lighthearted music)
Shouldn't the boys be home by now?
They are a little late.
Yeah, in their good clothes.
You don't suppose they stopped off somewhere, do you?
After what happened yesterday?
I don't think so.
I think we made quite an impression.
All right, Eddie.
Let's hear you say what you said yesterday.
Gee, Wally, that was yesterday.
I don't remember what I said.
- I do.
- Me too.
You said you could lick Wally
with one hand tied behind your back.
Then he pushed me off the seesaw
and Beaver ripped his pants.
Who asked you, Larry?
Listen, Eddie, I'm telling you for the last time.
You lay off my brother.
Yeah, you lay off his brother.
What's the matter with you, Wally?
The whole thing was a joke.
Joke nothing.
You take it back about you licking me.
All right, so I take it back, big deal.
Eddie's chicken. (Laughing)
[All] Eddie's chicken!
I'll take my coat now.
(suspenseful music)
(barking)
(cloth tearing)
Wow.
It's even worse than yesterday.
Yeah, I guess dogs are tougher on pants than nails.
Boy, you're in a big mess now.
What are you gonna do?
Well, Mom and Dad said yesterday
you can't get in any trouble by telling the truth,
so I just better tell what happened.
Yeah, I guess that's what we better do, all right.
Well, we were getting worried about you two.
You certainly took a long time getting home.
I know, Mom.
Uh.
We sorta got something to tell ya.
Well, what is it?
Uh.
Well, the Beaver kinda ran into a little bit of trouble.
Yeah.
Oh, no, not your blue suit too!
All right, how did it happen?
And I want the truth this time, not a lot of nonsense.
Well, there was this dog, see.
And Eddie pushed Wally, and then the dog jumped on me.
All right, Beaver, that's enough, upstairs.
Dad, there really was a
You go with him.
Dad, this dog
That's enough!
Upstairs, both of you.
Ward, I just don't understand
the Beaver doing this again.
A dog bit me.
You'd think if he was gonna make up a lie,
he'd at least have the imagination
to make up a new one, wouldn't you?
(sighing)
You know, Wally?
It's funny.
What's funny?
You tell a lie and you get in trouble.
And you tell the truth, and you still get in trouble.
Yeah.
I guess everything you do when you're a kid
gets you in trouble.
But gee, you gotta do something.
If you just sat around and did nothing,
it wouldn't be any fun being a kid.
Yeah.
What gets you is, Mom and Dad don't even know
we told 'em the truth.
I'm still glad we did, though.
Yeah?
How come?
I don't know.
I kinda figure at least somebody knows.
(gentle music)
Uh-huh.
Well, thank you very much for calling.
Oh, I'll tell him, all right.
Bye.
Who was that?
Mrs. Mondello.
Oh.
- Ward.
- Mm-hm?
A dog did rip the Beaver's pants.
What?
Her son Larry was there and he saw it all.
It seems that Wally and Eddie got in
some sort of an argument, and in the confusion,
Eddie's dog ripped the Beaver's pants.
Oh my gosh.
Well, we convinced them that they couldn't possibly
get in trouble if they told the truth.
Looks like we've done a pretty thorough job
of confusing them.
- Yeah.
Well, there's only one thing to do.
I gotta go upstairs and tell them I made a mistake.
I just gotta tell them I flew off the handle,
and made a fool of myself.
Don't look so sad, dear.
That's just one of the hazards of being a father.
Yeah.
Ward?
I'll go with you.
(dramatic music)
(lively music)
(dramatic music)