My Three Sons (1960) s01e34 Episode Script

1
(theme song plays)
Hey, Jean!
Jean!
What is it, Mike?
Hey, when do you go into orbit?
Very funny.
Did you want to dance with Ted Stover?
This is about the tenth time you've asked me that, Michael.
Yes, I'd love to dance with Ted Stover.
Why?
Ted Stover can do the cha-cha.
Oh. Suave.
Very suave.
Dance is all set, Ted?
Yeah.
Wait a minute.
Have about the tenth dance, you got that taken?
Well, um, how about number 11?
Good.
Yeah, I'll put you down.
Yeah. Okay.
That's all right.
Bye-bye.
Oh, don't tell me I can use the phone now?
Dance with Ted's all set.
Little me?
It-It's too much.
Why don't you get out of here?
Out of my own room?
Has your dad said anything
about your graduation present yet?
That's a whole week off yet.
I know, but he doesn't have to wait till the last minute.
I'm getting mine tonight.
How do you know?
Mother and Dad have been wearing that
"aren't we the greatest parents
in the world" look all day
You know, the funny way they smile at you,
when they're thinking what a lucky girl you are.
Everybody graduates sooner or later.
What do you think it is?
I don't know.
I've been hinting for a watch.
Would anybody like to know
that I'm graduating this week, too?
Maybe I ought to get a little special attention.
Are you still here?
♪♪
I just love Latin-American music, don't you?
Yeah.
It's so so primitive.
Very suave.
Boys are so catty.
(song ends)
That was just wonderful, Ted.
Thank you.
Isn't Ted the greatest dancer?
Oh, he sure is.
How about some punch?
Wonderful idea. All right.
Everything is absolutely perfect.
I wish this night would last and last.
You're all coming over to my place afterward,
aren't you? Oh sure, we'll be there.
Jean, you look just dreamy tonight.
Thank you.
You should've seen her this afternoon.
Mike Like from outer space.
You mean, with all the hardware?
Wired for sound.
Mike, so help me
NANCY: Ted, don't you think we
ought to leave before the last dance,
so we can get to your house before everybody else.
TED: Yeah. Good idea.
Thanks for the dance, Jean. Bye-bye for now.
I enjoyed it. Bye, Mike.
So long.
Well, uh, shall we sit down?
I wish you'd grow up, Mike, I really do.
What are you all steamed up about?
Oh, never mind, if you don't know.
Excuse me.
The outer space bit?
What's the matter? Can't you take a joke?
If it's funny, yes.
Boy! You're always ready to pick a fight, aren't you?
I'm not picking a fight.
Well, what do you call it?
Oh oh, never mind.
One good thing about graduating:
I'll be getting away from certain children I know.
Oh, well, you'll probably like it a lot better up
at hotshot State University,
with all those mature college men, huh?
That's right!
Well, maybe I can find a girl at Stanton
that can take a joke.
Maybe so. Good luck!
Well, same to you.
And you don't have long to wait, either.
You'll be living it up in just three months.
Two weeks! That's all I have to wait.
Two weeks?
What do you think, college begins in July?
I'm going to Europe in two weeks.
What?
On a tour.
I did get my graduation present tonight.
That's it.
Well, when are you coming back?
Just before school starts.
Just in time to pack.
You're leaving in two weeks.
Not very far off.
I know it.
(slow song begins playing)
The last dance.
♪♪
Do you like graham crackers?
I'm crazy about graham crackers.
(sighs)
Do you think Ted will be mad at us
for not going to his party?
I don't know. I don't care.
(distant bell tolling)
I'm glad we didn't.
Well, so am I.
Mike
I'm sorry about getting mad.
Oh, forget it.
I shouldn't have acted so stupid.
We shouldn't fight during these last two weeks.
I know it.
I'm gonna miss you, Jean.
I'm gonna miss you, too.
(distant dog barking)
Remember when our parents thought
we were gonna get married?
(both laugh)
Oh, they just about died.
Getting married in high school!
(distant horn honking)
Maybe we should have.
At least, we wouldn't be getting ready to
to practically never see each other again.
Jean?
Yes?
Are we in love?
I don't know.
I think we might be.
And if we are,
shouldn't we do something about it?
I mean, like staying together,
instead of going away from each other.
We have to go to college.
Yeah, but we could go to the same one.
I guess we could.
Well, if it was important enough.
Like if we really did love each other.
How do you know if you're in love?
I guess if you can't stand to be away from somebody,
then you're in love with him.
But I've never been away from you,
so how would I know?
I mean, I've
I've seen you practically every day of my life.
We have a special problem.
We should probably try and find out.
In case we are in love.
I guess we should.
Well, I'll tell you what.
We could stay away from each other for a week
Not-not see each other,
or-or even talk on the phone.
I'd hate not seeing you for a whole week.
Well, there, you see, it's working already.
Especially this week.
Well, all we'll be doing is studying and taking exams.
After graduation we can see each other again.
By that time we'll
we'll know what to do about it.
Yeah.
Agreed?
Agreed.
It's a nice night.
I wish it would last and last.
You haven't had your nose out of that book in three days.
Your head's gonna explode.
If I don't pass these exams, I don't graduate.
You graduating.
I can't believe it.
Why not?
I'm not as stupid as you think.
Who said you were stupid?
I'm thinking you're five years old,
ten maybe, 12 at the most.
Bub, I'm pushing 19!
Well, you weren't yesterday,
or the last time I thought about it, anyway.
And all of a sudden, today, you're graduating.
No, not until Saturday.
Well, how come everybody else
is getting so much older and I'm not?
Yeah, you have been around a long time, haven't you?
Maybe you can help me with something.
Something I've been trying to figure out.
I'm afraid Physics is a little bit out of my line.
Well, no it's it's not that.
Well?
Well forget it.
I'll-I'll work it out for myself.
No, no, come on, try me.
I might know I know a few things, you know.
This is a pretty tough one, Bub.
Well, try me anyway.
No, I I guess not.
If there's anything that burns me up,
it's anybody asks me something,
and then not ask me in the first place.
All right, then.
What is love?
What's what?
Love.
Gee, what a crazy thing.
Well, you told me to ask you.
People don't go around asking silly thing like that.
Well, how else are they gonna find out?
Well, they just know.
Everybody knows what love is.
I don't.
And you're gonna graduate Saturday?
I'll ask somebody else.
Now, wait a minute, wait a minute now.
Don't get a sore head.
Well?
Well, it's, uh It's
Well, it's, uh, what happens to people.
To men and women, like.
What you ought to do is listen to a couple of good songs
for a change.
Huh?
This junk they write nowadays
No wonder people get confused.
What does that have to do with it?
Well, you'd hear what love is, that's what.
Oh, brother.
You asked me, and I'm telling you.
Love is romantic.
That's what love is.
Not a lot of mushy stuff.
It's romantic.
Nowadays, kids don't know what the word means.
A garden of Eden ♪
Just made for two ♪
I don't believe it.
With nothing to mar our joy ♪
I just don't believe it!
Alone from night to night you'll find me ♪
Russ Colombo.
There was a fellow who knew how to sing about love.
Why, he'd tear your heart out.
Too weak to break the chains behind me ♪
But there aren't any Russ Colombos anymore.
I need no shackles to remind me ♪
I'm just a prisoner of love ♪
Dee-dee, ya-yada, dum, da, da, dum ♪
Who's drying tonight?
Looks like I am again.
(Mike whistles)
How's it coming, Mike?
Huh?
The studying how's it coming?
Oh, fine.
I got English and science exams tomorrow.
How does your English teacher feel
about the word "huh"?
Huh?
Oh.
Can I be of any help?
It's been a long time, but, uh
Oh, I don't think so.
Except for one thing, maybe.
What's that?
Here I go again.
How do you know when you're in love?
You want a straight answer?
The straightest.
I don't know that I can give you one.
It'd just be my opinion.
I don't know what that's worth.
It's a Well, it's a pretty personal thing, Mike.
Well, is there a way to tell when you're in love?
Yeah, I think so.
Of course, there are false alarms,
you know, where you think you are, and you're not.
But I think when you're
when you're really in love, you know it.
Some pretty remarkable things happen to you.
Like what?
Well when I fell in love,
I I found myself being happy
because of what I could give,
rather than what I could take.
And, uh, that came as no small surprise,
because, well, naturally,
we're all big takers, to start off with, anyway.
And then comes the big switch,
and, uh, well, you're in love.
At least that's part of it, Mike.
It's pretty hard to explain.
I-I don't know whether you could ever understand it
until it happens to you.
What else?
Yes, there's, uh, communication.
That's-That's a part of love.
It's a very high form of communication, where you know
where you know what someone thinks
and how they feel even before you're told.
Sometimes you even know what they're going to say
before they say it.
Does that make any sense to you?
Yeah. Go on.
Well, then there's, uh there's sharing.
There's a lot of sharing in love.
In fact, I, uh
I'd say that was the foundation for it.
Yes.
Giving, communicating, sharing.
Love is all those things.
Is that all?
Look, Mike, love is something you feel.
It isn't something you figure out.
Well, you were pretty good about it.
At least what you had to say made some sense.
Oh, thank you.
(Bub humming "Prisoner of Love")
You ought to hear what Bub told me.
Well, I don't know what he said, Mike,
but whatever it was, I wouldn't sell it too short.
(humming continues)
And I think she and Mike have had a fight.
That's all I can figure.
Jean just mopes around the house.
Well, that certainly would explain a lot of things.
Well, they haven't seen each other in four days,
ever since the prom.
That is unusual, to say the least.
Unusual? I thought I'd see the end of the world first.
Yeah. Well, it's to bad
it had to happen right now, graduation week.
Well, I hate to interfere,
but don't you think we should try to help out?
Well, you're right, Flo, sometimes it's best
to keep out of these things, but what do you suggest?
Well, what do you think
of a backyard supper, both families?
'Course, Henry's out of town,
but the rest of us could get together.
Well, now that they're graduating,
we'd have something to celebrate.
Why don't we plan on it? Good.
I'll check with Bub about the food.
You know, I'm just trying to decide
whether I'm being the kind of parent I don't approve of.
I know what you mean.
Of course, I'm gonna do it anyway.
(crickets chirping)
Chip, will you pass the hot dogs?
You had three already.
Are you paying for them, or something?
No. There won't be any left for you-know-who.
Well
I, uh I think I'll go in and study.
JEAN: Me, too. I'm through eating.
I had a swell time.
Yeah, me, too.
Mike?
Uh, you, too, Jean.
Now, just a minute.
What's going on?
Just eat.
There's something cooking besides hot dogs.
Oh, for gosh sakes, that's not it.
MRS. PEARSON: Jean, you're not making things any better.
Oh, Mother, you've got it all wrong.
Well, for Pete's sake, we had
to find out somehow, didn't we?
MRS. PEARSON: Now, wait a minute, Jean.
We were only trying to help.
STEVE: I'm sorry, Mike.
I guess we shouldn't have interfered.
MIKE: Jean! Yes, Mike?
We might as well have our talk now.
I guess so.
I'm getting a crick in my neck.
We can go over to your place.
Okay. Excuse me, Mother.
Uh, just a second.
I'd like to ask a question, if I may.
Yes, Mother?
Well, what if you decide
you can't get along without each other?
Yeah.
What then?
Well, I don't know.
We'll probably get married or something.
You think they mean it?
I don't know.
I'm, uh, still working on that, "Or something."
I hated it.
Oh, so did I.
Every day, I thought of a hundred excuses to call you.
Me, too.
We really do communicate, and we share, too, don't we?
Of course we do.
I think we ought to stay together.
That's one thing we can hold onto
with everything else changing.
And it'll be easy.
I'll switch to State, and get a part-time job.
Oh, Mike, I don't want you to do that.
Education is more important for a boy,
so you should stay at Stanton, and I'll go there.
No. We'd be better off at State.
I'll ask Mother and Dad to give me the money
they were going to spend on the tour, and that way
Oh, the tour? Oh, no!
You still should take the tour.
I mean, you might never get another chance to go to Europe.
I couldn't leave you, not now.
I don't want you to give up your trip.
I don't mind sacrificing a few things. After all
That's exactly what I don't want
You doing a lot of sacrificing.
Don't be silly. I have to. Don't you?
Will you just let me handle this?
Now, I'll take a summer job,
and then when you get back from Europe, I'll
I'm not going to Europe!
MIKE: When you get back, I'll have enough money
saved up so we can get married,
especially if I sell my car.
Sell your car?!
Why should you do a lot of sacrificing?
Well, somebody has to do something
if we're gonna get married.
What do you mean if?
Well, I mean if you still want to get married.
JEAN: Well, yes! Didn't I say so?
MIKE: Well, all right.
Stop yelling! Me?!
Honestly, Mike, I really do wish you'd grow up,
especially if we're going to get married.
(slams door)
Well, I'm certainly glad we brought them together,
so they could patch things up.
Or something.
Never mind about Mike and Jean.
Help Bub with the dishes, huh?
Oh, excuse me. Excuse me.
Well, come here, Rob.
I'm feeling like one of those parents.
One of those parents you don't approve of? Mm-hmm.
Well, a good fight sometimes clears the air.
It's probably the best thing
that could have happened to them.
Well, you know what they say
about lover's quarrels being the first sign of marriage.
Yeah. (Window opening)
MIKE: Jean?
Jean!
(window opening)
Please don't yell in my window!
It's rude. What do you want?
Hmm.
MIKE: Well, I just thought I'd give you a little break.
If you ever want anybody to marry you, just don't
let him see you with your hair all curled up in those
You're a child, Mike Douglas, a child.
And I'll appreciate it
if you don't ever talk to me again.
That is, until you grow up.
Me, grow up!
Which will be never!
(door slamming)
(thudding)
I really feel sor
Yes?
I really feel sorry for you when you get to Stanton.
You're going to be absolutely lost.
MIKE: Oh, I'll be just fine at Stanton.
You'll be a riot in Europe, though.
(door slams)
A laugh a minute!
(door slams)
JEAN: Wouldn't you be surprised
if I married a-a count or a prince or something?
(laughs)
I think we had better end this discussion, Mr. Douglas.
Don't call again!
(thudding)
Catch the countess!
(laughs)
(laughing)
(Mike and Jean laughing)
(laughing)
(laughs)
Well, I guess that's that.
You think they're really ready for marriage?
Oh, sure they are.
About as ready as Chip is.
(chuckles)
Jean?
Yes?
You, uh, want to go to a movie?
I mean, we don't we don't have to study or anything.
There's a real good one at the Majestic.
Can-Can you be ready in ten minutes?
Sure.
You know what?
I'm sure glad I don't have to sell my car.
I mean, think what a problem it would be,
just-just going to the movies.
I didn't want to give up my trip to Europe, either.
Love is wonderful when you're young.
Yeah, it's wonderful anytime.
BUB: She's in my dreams awake or sleeping ♪
Upon my knees to her I'm creeping ♪
My very soul is in her keeping ♪
(Tramp howls)
I'm just a prisoner of love (howling)
Ya, yada, yada, ya, da, da, dum ♪
Dee, yada, dada, da, da ♪